Alicia M. Rodriguez's Blog, page 4

What is Love?

I’m walking the cliffs of Ferragudo this morning with Sophie. I watch the way the beams of sunlight play off the ocean, diamonds sparkling in the azure waters teasing me, inviting me to dance with the sunlight. They remind me that I have all the time in the world to live and to love.

The swallows have nested in the crevices of these towering limestone walls. They dart in and out, playing a game that flows between water and sky with the airstream. My breathing unconsciously adjusts, deep breaths fill my lungs, then the exhale of all worries. My body begins to move with that same freedom so beautifully displayed by their flight.

Sophie is busy sniffing out the stories hidden in the bushes and tall grasses. One scent catches her attention. She bounds over the reeds like a rabbit being chased.

The gravel sounds rough under my boots, resistant, and dangerously slippery. Nevertheless, I maintain my balance, never straying too close to the edge. I’m afraid of heights, or maybe I’m afraid of flying. Somedays, I don’t know which it is.

I lose myself in memories of the loves that have appeared and disappeared throughout my life. Most have lodged forever in my heart. Like strings on a violin, I recognize each note played in my symphony. I recall the words, places, and feelings, some pleasant and some dissonant.

What is love?

It is my path, my way home.

It is dangerous, inevitable, irresistible.

Love is my DNA.

Who I love, how I love, what I love creates the person I am always becoming.

It is the doorway to my courage and the source of my fear.

It is the revolution inside me that will not be quelled.

Love is the face that returns my gaze, smile, or touch.

Love is the baby I held 26 years ago and the man who created that child with me.

Love dwells in the words I speak and write, manifests in every intentional act, and resides quietly in the reflective moment.

The echoes of heartbeats, insistent, poetic rhythms that capture silence and soul vibrate in the spaces between sounds.

Love needs no reward, no exchange, for it to be worthy of my attention and respect.

What freedom I feel when I can be in love with you!

How my soul sings, and my spirit dances when a genuine affection takes hold of my heart, body, and mind!

Love is what created you and me. You are not simply a biological outcome. You came as a sacred offering, of the same miracle that made stardust and planets and all life.

I don’t want to forget every love I ever experienced. They must not be lost to time or dismissed because of pain.

Each moment I love is a particle in my creation.

Every step I take is imbued with care, grace and ultimately love. It is the only thing that will save me. It is the only path forward.

Love is the only thing worthy of my prayers.

Now, the sun dips behind a cloud as I return on the same path I walked earlier in my reverie. Sophie runs ahead of me toward the spot where we began our walk.

We are all becoming.

How you walk your path, who you will become, will depend on how you choose to love.

 Photo by elaine alex on Unsplash

How To Show Up Fully In Your Life

There is an interplay between the Mind and the Soul hidden in the shadows of our consciousness. Only by bringing this "game" into the light, what some call enlightenment, can we get unstuck and move forward in our lives and into an awakened state.

 

This game is illustrated in a story of a master who uses a koan with his students to gauge their level of consciousness. A koan is a riddle that the mind cannot answer. Implicit in it is a paradox. It is a conundrum of sorts. As the story goes, the student kneels before the master while he holds a long stick over them. The master tells the student, "If you move, I will hit you with this stick. If you do not move, I will hit you with this stick. What will you do?" 

 

This situation forces the student into what appears to be an unsolvable predicament set up by this duality. There is a way out, but the mind is limited, it cannot find options beyond the duality placed before it. The only way to unravel the koan is to step outside the duality of the circumstances. The student must move beyond the conditioned mind to solve what seems unsolvable. The mind does not know that it does not know the answer because, of course, where else would one go to solve this? However, paradoxically, only by going outside of the mind and its mental models, assumptions and beliefs can a solution emerge.

 

When someone is stuck and unable to move forward, they are almost always trapped between competing options, each with apparent risk, fear, or undesired consequence. This happens because of our attachment to our thoughts. Our thoughts cause this suffering. Our thoughts create stories, and we live them as if they were the truth, but they are the illusion created by our thinking patterns. Our reality is a set of beliefs and world views, but that isn't necessarily the truth. We act and choose according to these thoughts, these beliefs, and world views, limiting the availability of endless possibilities and radical answers.

 

So, what is the awakened student to do? The awakened student answers, "No." She rejects the duality set up by the circumstances and chooses to become more expansive, more significant than her mind and her thoughts. She rises above or beyond her mind not to be enslaved by it. Hidden in the shadows was the option not to play the game. But to see this option, she needs to understand that duality is not the truth, and it is not All. It is simply the reality that has been created by the circumstances and her thoughts about it. 

 

She must know that she is more than her thoughts to consider that "no" is an option. If she continues to see herself at the mercy of her circumstances and her thoughts about those circumstances, then she sees only a limited version of her Self bound by the conditioned mind. If her answer comes from there, she will be struck by the stick whether she moves or not. 

 

We do this all the time. We allow circumstances to strike us resigning ourselves to "what choice do I have?" thinking and looking for the "lesser of two evils." It is everywhere in our language! The Austrian born philosopher Ludwig Joseph Johann Wittgenstein was correct when he wrote:

“The limits of my language are the limits of my world. All I know is what I have words for."

We must move beyond the words, beyond the thoughts that generate those words to an identity of Self that is bigger and more expansive than what our mind limits us to. We need to see ourselves as more significant, and the ego-mind is reluctant to relinquish control to something as powerful as the Soul. The ego-mind has created an identity that keeps us small and subject to our circumstances. Anything that threatens that small identity is met with fear-based thinking to keep us in line. We suffer in our smallness. We silently long for the largesse of our lives and the vital energy to generate even more vitality and energy.

 

David Whyte, in his poem Sweet Darkness in the book House of Belonging, writes:

You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.
Give up all other worlds except the one to which you belong...
anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.

It is within the darkness of your aloneness that you must find your true Self to realise that you are capable of infinite possibilities. It requires a deeply personal inquiry into your true nature to discover this essential element at the core of who you are. This spark of divinity birthed at the source of all life resides within you.

 

What if everything I know keeps me from everything I am? That has been a koan for me since it came to me in a dream several years ago. I now understand what it truly means. I AM…more than my mind and my body. I AM…present in my life. I AM…here right now. I AM…constantly evolving. I AM…born of a sacred origin that is an element of the Universal Movement, written in my being and everyone.

 

Marianne Williamson writes:

"Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God within us…As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

We hide within our stories. We resist being vulnerable and seen, even as we long for a deep and meaningful connection to ourselves and others. We keep ourselves small, believing that this keeps us safe. It couldn't be further from the truth. It keeps us in lives of quiet desperation, forever longing for the full expression of our hearts and souls. It takes courage to be seen, express ourselves in this world, take a stand, and say no. I will not play this game where I respond only to dualities that cannot be reconciled. I will not resign myself to living a small, insignificant, and soulless life.

 

Where is the source of our most extraordinary power? It is Love. That is the well we must drink from to nurture ourselves by first acknowledging our essence and appreciating ourselves, not in an egotistical, self-centered way but in a way that is connected to our divine source. Self-love is the beginning of being the fullest expression of your Self. Self-love generates the creative force that produces more life. Art generates more art, and reflection and self-inquiry generate wisdom.

 

If you've been feeling stuck or if you've wondered what might be possible if you were courageous enough to be yourself and show the world who you are, then now is the time. The world needs your imagination, wisdom, creativity…and love.

Photo by Luca on Unsplash

8 Steps To Design Your Life Around What Matters Most To You

Sophie and I celebrating life in Portugal!

There's a chill in the air now, and depending on where you are, a few snowflakes may be gracing your yard. Here in Portugal, it is colder but not the cold I'm used to from New England, where I grew up. It's also sunny most of the time, which makes for long walks in the mornings.

2021 has been a roller coaster, hasn't it? What is for certain is that nothing is certain. And yet, we step into each new day with hopes, dreams, and goals. Don't allow uncertainty to define your life. There's a lot you can do to design your life in ways that help you thrive and grow. There will be difficult decisions, boundaries to set, and risks to have a rich and fulfilling life. No one says it's easy. But it is doable.

There are 8 steps I have followed as my own life has shifted between countries, and within my work, and as I plan for 2022. I'd like to share these with you because...they work.

1. The first step is to identify where you are and what's missing. If you don't know where your journey begins, it will be impossible to get anywhere. You have to be honest with yourself. No one will judge you in this private conversation with yourself. Don't judge yourself either. I'm gifting you my Conscious Living Assessment that you can use to review all the areas of your life and notice what needs more attention. This assessment takes time to complete. Some questions may be challenging to answer because they will be new to you. Don't overthink it. Notice where your energy flows as you answer the questions. Does it move out and expand, or does it contract? Do you find resonance in your answer or dissonance? Are you answering from an old story because you're afraid, or can you step into the unknown and use your imagination to respond? Once you identify what needs to change, you begin to envision your future, a life in alignment with what matters to you.

DOWNLOAD HERE

2. The second step is to decide to change. You must make a firm decision that you want to change things in your life. Here is where most people get stuck. The path of least resistance is always the status quo. But comfort and security do not allow for growth. Here is where you throw yourself out of your nest, as Pema Chodron says. Make a decision, or nothing will change.

3. The third step is to commit to a new path or expand the one you are on. Commitment is what holds you steady when the winds of confusion blow or when doubt casts a cloud on your dreams. Write it down. Here is where you set boundaries around the thing you want to create. You could displease others. You may confuse some people. Those close to you may not understand. You don't have to seek anyone's approval or explain yourself. Instead, commit and focus your activities around that commitment every day.

4. The fourth step is to plan. Some people start planning first, and that is a huge mistake. Planning is only effective if you've identified what needs to change, created a vision for your future, made the decision to follow that vision, and set boundaries around your commitment. Draft a set of activities and target dates by moving backward from the date you envision being in your new way of living. Nothing is set in stone, so allow for flexibility for those unpredictable things that occur. Remember, it's more important to be moving forward, even if it is an inch or two, rather than being rigid about a completion date and sabotaging yourself with an inflexible plan.

5. The fifth step is to act. Sounds obvious, doesn't it? This is the phase where resistance appears. Suddenly doing the dishes or going to lunch becomes the invitation to avoid doing the hard work of making your life happen. As a writer, I know resistance pretty well. I just have to push through it. What keeps me going is my commitment, my promise to myself. That's why an intentional commitment is so important.

6. The sixth step is to adjust. No road ever goes completely straight. Obstacles appear out of nowhere. You may find that what you thought you wanted may not be what you want at all! As you move through this process, you may discover something else more aligned with the life you want. For example, when I was planning to leave Ecuador, I thought I was moving to Colombia. During a casual conversation with a friend, she mentioned Portugal. I had never even considered this country. After investigating a move here and matching what I discovered to my criteria, I changed my plan. So, adjust. Recalibrate. And keep moving.

7. The seventh step is to execute. It's time to make your plan happen. By now, you have a network of support, and you have data, information, and knowledge that allow you to take a tangible step into your future. I always encourage my clients to pick a date that they want to be living into their vision. It might be the date they quit their job, or move to another state, or country, or a date they launch their business. Your plan needs a date. It becomes your true north as you move forward, recalibrating as you go. The universe supports you because you've committed. I cannot tell you how often my clients have told me (in awe) they reached their goal or dream just before their date. I promise you, the cosmos is listening!

8. The eighth and most essential step is to celebrate. Celebrate YOU! Celebrate what it took to get to where you wanted to be or to manifest your new creation!

I invite you to save this post and use these steps as you reflect on how you want to design your life around what matters most to you. First, start with the Conscious Living Assessment. Then, schedule a complimentary session with me if you need additional support and you’re serious about shifting towards a more fulfilling life,

For now, give yourself a pat on the back and a giant hug for making it through 2021!

 

A Writer's Life: Reflections

I am a Writer and Storyteller

Those words are sometimes difficult to say out loud. I have always wanted to be a writer. At ten, I wrote my first poem, Broomhilda, into a small diary, the kind with the lock, whose cover was made of cloth and printed with daisies. A small pink ribbon peaked out to mark the spot of my latest musings. Here I would record the random thoughts and observations of a shy child looking out at her world from a distance. It was safe, this little nook in the closet where I would write, and from there, I could protect myself from boogeymen and the scary things that the children at recess would say if I didn’t acquiesce to their whims.

 

I used to think it strange that I experienced my life as if it were something to be studied. “Why?” was my favorite question, followed by “How?”. My parents would comment that I was so curious about everything. Then, in sixth grade, my father gave me a microscope. Through the lens, I could explore the bark of trees, butterfly wings, flowers and see what was unseeable to the eye. I wanted to know why the veins in the sharp leaves of the rose bushes in our garden were different than the stained ones of the apple trees in the yard or the textured, oblong petals on my mother’s peonies. Under the microscope, I could appreciate the intricacies of the leaves. They appeared like maps, with roads and byways leading everywhere and nowhere. I imagined these roads into the unknown, creating stories from their veins that looked like unreadable maps to a world I had not yet explored but could dream of.

 

I wrote poems. It was easier for me to capture the fleeting emotions that I could not understand in shorter words and phrases than to write long essays on what they might mean. I simply couldn’t distance myself enough from the emotions to analyze them. I wanted to feel and write —no interference from grammar or sentence structures.

 

There were moments when I would hear the words in my head, much like listening to a song you used to know but can’t fully remember. At those moments, I would run to find something to write with, something to write on, afraid those words would pass me by and leave me breathlessly holding onto some echo of what I felt through those words. I wanted to touch them, to capture them so that they would be tangible and last forever. I would take the scribbled scraps out of my journal a week, a year, many years later. Reading them, I could recall the time and place they came alive through me. I could reconnect with that girl and what she felt on that day when the recently mowed grass stained her knees green and the sweetness of the wet mulch that hung in the air tickled her nose.

________

I worry that to be a good writer, I must lead an exciting life. Why would anyone want to read about a boring life? People want to feel moved, thrilled, challenged, and even eased into discomfort by the experience of another. It saves them from having to pay for those around-the-world trips, scuba diving in the Maldives, or rescuing orphans in a developing country. The reader can live vicariously through the storyteller, perhaps hoping that those experiences will make them more remarkable or at least conversant in the art of outdoing one another.

 

No one wants to read about the mother who struggles to bring up two children by herself, with a job that pays just enough to cover daily expenses and not a dime more. Likewise, the fisherman who faithfully goes out each evening into dangerous waters hoping to bring in a catch to feed his family is of no interest to a college-educated reader who makes more in one week than the fisherman will make in a year. Do readers want to know about the kid that bootstrapped their business into a multi-million dollar enterprise then lost it all because of arrogance?

 

Perhaps readers do want to read about these people unlike themselves, yet similar in their fears, worries, and shared human condition. Our stories should not divide us. Instead, they should connect us to the greater web of existence where all living beings are woven into the tapestry of life on earth.

 

I spend hours reflecting on these questions and searching for answers in the ordinary events of life, the simple ones where I’m faced directly with what is. I might find a response by the ocean as I watch the tides ebb and flow. The brightly feathered woodpecker that has made his home in the countryside entertains me, and suddenly any worries are replaced by a flash of inspiration. I savor my coffee, dark and rich, on the terrace while I listen to the sounds of mornings bathed in soft, blue light. Such exquisite occasions are the clues to stories yet to be written. 

There will be more fleeting moments captured in mid-air on paper napkins and scribbled into notes on my iPhone. The musings from a traveler and the insights of hard-won wisdom will reach these pages and invite you into your inner world and outer landscapes. Because…

 

I am a Writer. Better yet, I am a Storyteller.

I’m diligently working on my new book, a memoir entitled The Shaman’s Wife, about my life in Ecuador. The book takes you on my journey from seeking answers outside myself to discovering that what I had been seeking had been inside me all the time. Living with a shaman, I learned about shamanism, mysticism, the spiritual unseen world, and, most important, I awakened to a new way of being through the wisdom I discovered within myself.  Now in Portugal, I have had time to reflect on this extraordinary experience. In the book I share the transformational lessons I learned that may serve anyone who is seeking to find the peace and freedom that only exists in the heart.

If you’d like to be the first to receive the publication announcement or to preview chapters, I invite you to click the button below and register. Thank you for your support.

Sign up Here

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

How To Surrender and Thrive

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I was answering an email from a colleague today who was trying to find ways to help his clients navigate their difficult work environments. Sometimes questions like this initiate a flood of thoughts that have been lying close to the surface awaiting an invitation to emerge. And so they did. Here is an expanded version of my answer to my colleague, beyond book recommendations and practices. Dear reader, I hope that my thinking out loud will help you access your own wisdom that lies just below the surface of your everyday activities.

* * *

We are all experiencing "existential angst" if you will. Our lives and everything we have ever believed is called into question every day. The ground on which we have stood is now moving and even has disappeared. This goes beyond resilience, much deeper. There is a deep and subtle loneliness within that comes from how disconnected we have become; disconnected from others, from the way our lives were and from ourselves.

Collectively, we are still attached to what was even though it will never be again.  People who are in power are taking such desperate measures to retain that power so they can continue to thrive personally at the expense of the earth, future generations, and their fellow human beings. Organizations still do not empower women and diverse populations to act with authority and agency despite having data that organizations with women and true diversity is good for the bottom line. Individuals hold fast to their beliefs and drama even in the face of evidence to the contrary.

There is no discourse only dissonance.

Many are grieving the past without any real awareness that this grief is lodged in our minds, bodies and hearts. We truly have been traumatized but don’t recognize how that trauma is playing out. We just know that we feel uneasy, uncertain, and adrift in a world that we no longer understand or even feel connected to.

Some people took time over the last two years to change their habits and living conditions, voluntarily and involuntarily. They noticed what life could be like when they paused long enough to experience their lives differently. They are stuck in the in-between place between what was and what could be. They know they don’t want to return to what was but the vision of what will be is still elusive. Staring into a void, they are afraid but still, they inch forward through the uncertainty because going backwards is not an option.

CREATING YOUR FUTURE

In my work, I tell clients not to focus on what they want...but instead on what they want to create. I am challenging them to be bold and move toward creating their lives instead of reacting to them. This has created shifts for them to feel more confident as they focus on what they control or influence. They stop attending to the noise.

Acting from the inside out, and taking a stand for what you believe, will propel you into the future that you can create. This is a conscious choice to evolve.

The only way to feel fully alive is to surrender to life just as it is. Trust that if you do your own internal work, if you can ground yourself in what truly matters (spirituality, family, justice, environment, simplicity, etc.), then you will find your solid ground. There is no grounding out there only in here. Redefining the act of surrendering from defeat to surrendering to your truth is the only way to thrive in a world that has lost its bearings and is desperately in need of those who have found theirs.

If you’re feeling like you need a bit of inspiration during these uncertain times, here’s something that will not only inspire but provoke new ways to think about your life so you can thrive. Click on the button below.

Yes, I could use some inspiration

Photo by Elisabeth Wales on Unsplash

A Shamanic Teaching On the Equinox

Some of you know that my partner in Ecuador was a shaman. (That will be the story I tell in my third book, my memoir). He shared the following teaching with me. As I look at what is happening in the world, I see how needed these wisdom traditions are. Perhaps in sharing this teaching, you will find your own equilibrium during these difficult times.

The Equinox is a powerful time in the Cosmos because, as you will read in this teaching, everything is connected. This teaching demonstrates one of the essential shamanic principles of “El Punto y la Linea” - The Point and the Line. I hope you will accept this teaching and not try to analyze it with your intellect. Let its wisdom into your heart without conditions. It is the only way this teaching will serve you.

The language of the Cosmos is based in simplicity.  One of the basic shamanic principles is the principle of the point and the line. The point is the center (nucleus) of each celestial body and the line is the path of the energetic connection (a kind of dialogue) between center points in other celestial bodies.

It is the same with you who are also a point within the Universal Geometry.  Because of the Universal Movement everything is created at that moment of encounter from where energy emanates. Everything, absolutely everything, finds it nuclear center in order to establish its point of reference or existence within an infinity that is constantly in motion.

The Sun establishes a direct dialogue with the Planet placing itself in the middle, where day and night are equal, to then follow its course towards the southern hemisphere.  There is a rebalancing of light and dark, of the masculine and the feminine. Because of the circular motion all celestial bodies find their center or nucleus and their nucleus engages a permanent dialogue with everything else.  Nothing exists in isolation.  Everything is integrated beginning with this simple point, the nucleus of each living thing, and the line that forms the connection with all.  Cosmic engineering will not allow for errors, it simply is what it is.

In the pre-Inca culture of Quitu-Cara of Ecuador, the middle of the Earth is concerned with the spiritual aspect of the Equinox.  The wise Sillipano ancestors claimed:

“Consciousness is present in the community as it is in each one of us.  Let us be responsible for the influence and presence of the Creator.”

The Sun becomes the symbol for Consciousness that touches the Spirit activating the Spirit to have a dialogue with the Creator, a dialogue of sentiment, and to delight in the infinite movement of the Universe. It is an appropriate time to reflect and to acknowledge that you are Spirit or the Cosmic Particle attracted to the Creator because of the Universal Movement. 

The four fundamental elements (water, fire, air and earth) join together in a grand ceremony. Everything becomes whole, the masculine and feminine unite, the day and night become equal, the Universe becomes One in the heart.  There is rebirth and a path to immortality.  Nature during the Equinox transforms into the language of the Soul. We experience both stillness and movement.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE EQUINOX

The effect of the Equinox can be felt for several (7-9) days.  During this time I would recommend you do the following: 

1.     Eat green vegetables and plants as they store the energy of the sun as chlorophyll which when consumed gives you energy.

2.     Take time to reflect on your Cosmic or Spiritual Identity. Engage your religious, philosophical or ideological belief system to help in this reflection.

3.     Choose clear goals that you want to accomplish to take advantage of the Equinox energy.

4.     Love without limitations, as this is the time to recognize that your essence is more than what you believe.

5.     Remember that the Equinox is a dialogue. Maintain good relationships and forgive those who have hurt you unintentionally. 

With love and respect…

 

 

The Masterful Listener

“I hope you go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.”  ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

 

We are all storytellers.  It is part of our human nature to share our stories.  We see this in generational stories, in the news, even in technology with Facebook replacing the fireside chat and letters in the mail.

 What about the listener?  Stories come alive through the telling and the listening.  As the listener, the story comes alive in me, colored with my experiences, adapted to the shapes of my ideas and thoughts, inspired by my own challenges. 

The listener, or who I dub the Masterful Listener, plays an active role in storytelling. They participate in the story, they are the foil to the storyteller. The storyteller’s stories are amplified through the telling but also through the integration of the story by the “other” be it a listener or reader.

When the story contains strong emotions, can I become the compassionate witness to the storyteller?  Can I be the person that holds the energy of the story, unburdening the storyteller, even for a short time, to help heal and renew herself?

Masterful Listeners listen beyond the story into how the emotions underlying the story can give clues to a new possibility.  It is not the listener’s role to evaluate the story or judge the storyteller.  The Masterful Listener empathizes with the story and approaches the story with appreciation of the texture, the flavor, the grief or joy inherent in the story.  It is a reflection of the other’s inner landscape expressed in an ancient way that may be the only access to the deep underpinnings of what drives a human being.  The stories we tell are powerful reminders of who we are and how we got to be the way we are, individually and collectively.

The Masterful Listener acknowledges the privilege to share in the most intimate of stories and with that gift comes a responsibility to remain open in the space of pain, grief, joy, fear, confusion and all the muck that makes us human.

Stories are humanity expressed “in color”.  Stories not only describe an experience, they evoke a reflection of our own experience as part of a collective human experience.   How often have you seen your own stories reflected in a friend’s conversation?  I for one will admit to countless times.

Masterful Listeners remain centered in stillness as a person tells his story, fluid in the tsunami of emotions that may rise from the act of telling the story.  From that place of calm, in the eye of the storm, the richness of a story becomes clear and as compassionate witness the listener may indeed then be in a position to rejoice, grieve or assist the other.

The Masterful Listener uses intuition and her senses to be present.  Judgment lives in the intellect and that is set aside.  A Masterful Listener can feel and taste and sense all of the elements of the story yet remain still and non-attached at the same time.

We are each the Chief Storyteller of our lives.  As humans our stories are precious to us.  They are a way of resolving our existence, of expressing our emotions and of connecting to one another. They help us understand how we fit into our world.  They remind us of what we really care about, even if it is buried somewhere in our story.

Love the stories you tell.  Love the stories you are told.  There is healing in storytelling for both the teller and the listener.   By becoming a Masterful Listener you will see yourself reflected in the other and in that reflection you may learn that you can change the endings of your own stories, do re-writes and ultimately, choose intentionally to be the author of the most important story – your own.

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash

Deeper Shades of Loneliness

“Are you lonesome tonight
Do you miss me tonight?

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?”

~ Elvis Presley

 

There is another pandemic within the pandemic we are experiencing now. It comes from the isolation – physical, emotional and psychological – generated by the fear of contamination from Covid-19. There is a tsunami of loneliness arising out of the depths of our being that is unfamiliar to many of us.

We struggle with a nostalgia we can’t quite define. Even as we Zoom all day long, this current of aloneness leaves many feeling empty and disconnected. Perhaps the way we ran our lives previously masked the moments of loneliness that would insert themselves, on occasion peeking out of our busy schedules, to be suppressed by the -isms of our culture? That temporary masking is no longer available as a distraction from our feelings of disconnection.

 

What you long for is part of your human-ess - the longing to be loved, to belong, to be found by another person, to love another, to be in connection with another. There is nothing wrong with this. It comes from an unrequited desire to express what is important to you and to experience that resonance that comes from being in the company of another person as they reflect your own image back to you.

 

Where you might welcome these times as being with yourself (in solitude, in reflection), someone else will experience the same time as being by yourself (loneliness, separation).

The first one is an invitation. The second is an exile.

I’d like you to re-consider loneliness as an invitation to know yourself differently. I’d like you to consider this alone time as an invitation to explore your becoming or your being-ness.

 

Everything has changed. Everything is uncertain. You too. You are not the person you were, your life has changed and potentially how you make meaning and what you value has changed with it.

 

You are now a stranger unto yourself with few or none of the anchors of a previous time.  The invitation is to start a conversation with this stranger. It’s a time to explore what you want from your life, what you’d like to create in your life, who you want to be/come in the next few years.

 

This type of exploration can only be done with a slower pace, through the quieting that comes from the absence of activities that cause busyness and fill up your time with insignificant things. Now each moment has a renewed value.

 

To embrace your loneliness as a friend instead of a foe is not easy. Can you begin to speak to your loneliness and ask it what it wants from you, what it needs from you? Can you intentionally make time in your day to walk side by side with your loneliness in conversation?

 

Silence itself is a language. It is the language of the soul when you are in the deeper conversation of who you are and who you are becoming. If you are uncomfortable with or dread silence you will fill your days with things, people and activities that hold no meaning for you.

 

Yet it is there in the emptiness of silence that you can rebirth yourself. As you come to know yourself in the absence of the noise that existed before, silence will hold that deeper conversation for you.

 

Practices and Conversations

 

As much as possible go out in nature and connect to the life force in the earth, air, trees, water. Our disconnection from nature disconnects us from ourselves. Renew yourself in nature. Pay attention to the sound of the breeze in the trees, to the songs of the birds. Dip your toes in the ebbing tides.  Smell the scent of the new spring flowers now blossoming. And yes, hug a tree. Ask each of these what lesson they may hold for you. Then listen with your heart to the answer each provides.

 

These are all conversations with other living beings and they matter even if your conversation is not with another human being. As you develop a relationship with other life you come to understand that you are not ever really alone. A symphony of life in conversation surrounds you - if you pay attention, listen and engage this kind of conversation. Your disconnection from Nature has led you to believe that you are alone and has limited your ability to be in right relation and in conversation with the life teeming around you.

 

Fill your heart with self-love as the first thing to do on the path to connecting to yourself and finding your place of belonging. You must come to appreciate yourself, to care and value yourself first so that you come to know yourself anew. Do things that make you feel cared for. You must learn to first care for yourself before another cares for you or you care for another. In that way when love or friendship appears there will be no void to fill. This fullness is the way love thrives between people.

 

Courageously take steps to engage the outer world. Perhaps the people who surround you now are not the people who bring you alive any longer? What do you enjoy or enjoy doing? Find others who enjoy the same things and activities. Is it hiking, art, painting, writing? Look for and join groups that help you express yourself and your creativity. When your creativity is expressed it feeds your soul. That energy attracts others that resonate with your energy.

 

Technology is available to connect to others across the world. Be discerning with online groups. I find that writing groups or art groups are the healthiest for making friends.

 

If the loneliness grows too much seek counselling to help you cope with it so it does not devolve into depression. Having someone to talk to so you can unburden yourself will be helpful as you manage these isolating times.

 

I hope these thoughts are helpful for you if you are feeling lonely. These are difficult times for many but they are also times for reflecting on what truly matters and being open to more creative conversations that in previous times were ignored.

 

Feel free to contact me if you need additional support.

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Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

 

11 Lessons On Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

By now most of you know that I moved from Ecuador to Portugal. My soul began to call for something else, for nourishment through art, music, history and culture.  Portugal was another of those unexpected decisions. A suggestion that I would enjoy Lisbon led to months of research and a plan to move with Sophie, my dog, to Europe.  

I’d never been to Portugal. I have traveled to many countries in Europe so it’s a bit ironic that I should move to a country I have never even visited and whose language I have not studied. 

John O’Donohue in one of his poems speaks of a time of “necessary decisions”. He writes,

May we have the courage to take the step

Into the unknown that beckons us;

Trust that a richer life awaits us there,

That we will lose nothing

But what has already died;

Intuitively I began to feel that my time in Ecuador had come to an end, that the dream I came to create had died and after two years of grieving that loss, it was time to find a new home where I could thrive.

I’ve been told that I’m courageous, moving to Portugal where I know no one, have never visited and I don’t (yet) speak the language. It doesn’t actually feel like that to me.  

There was a threshold I had to cross to come alive again. I followed my intuition. I was navigating a river flowing, sometimes still waters and sometimes turbulent. Even in times of doubt I trusted in that sensing that quietly whispered, “This way, this is your next chapter. Follow this.”  

I have felt that the wind was at my back, affirming my decision. My timing meant that I was able to submit my visa papers before the Portuguese visa offices closed. I arrived before a lockdown would’ve cancelled my flight. I arrived three weeks before airlines created stricter rules on taking animals in the cabin (Sophie flew in the cabin with me). Everything has worked out extremely well.

During my time here I’ve learned more about myself and about what it takes to make a new life in an unknown place. These lessons apply to any major life transition. If you’re thinking of a big change in your life or you’re in it now, these lessons may apply to you too.

Here they are:

1.     Ask for help. This is a lesson I keep learning over and over. What I re-discovered by asking for help is that we need each other. It’s not a weakness to share lessons learned or to say “I don’t know how to…”  I’ve met so many wonderful people who have been generous with advice, knowledge and experience. Through these exchanges I’ve met people online and in person and developed connections for the future.

 

2.     Pay it forward. As I learn more about what works and doesn’t work I find myself helping others in their own transition. A community begins to form that shares information in service of helping all its members create a new life here. It feels so good to help someone as others have helped me.

 

3.     Challenge assumptions. I didn’t even know I had assumptions about the way things are. There were simple things like shopping. I assumed that the grocery store provides bags for your goods. No, they don’t. People here bring their own bags. I assumed that offices are open all day long. No, many close for a few hours around lunchtime because the Portuguese value their meals as a time to connect with one another. I assumed that it would be difficult to communicate because I don’t speak Portuguese. I found that many people speak English very, very well and are happy to help you.

 

4.     Slow down. This one wasn’t as difficult having lived in Ecuador for 5 years. The pace of life here is leisurely. Whatever it is, it will get done…eventually. One of the things I’ve loved about slow living is how wonderful it feels to sit at a café sipping coffee without needing to hurry off somewhere. Or enjoying a two-hour lunch with wine and friends without the waiter rushing you to leave.

 

5.     Accept the unacceptable. So many things I said I would never do or accept. Now if the apartment is too cold, I wear layers. (There is no heat in most Portuguese apartments.) I thought I’d live in Lisbon, the center of arts and culture. But I discovered I’m just not a city girl and I missed the ocean and open spaces and so I’m off to the Algarve where I had said I would never live.

 

6.     Find another way. When I’m not able to get something accomplished due to bureaucracy or lack of information, now I take it in stride and find another way.

 

7.     Don’t judge yourself or others. It’s easy to put a lot of shoulds on yourself and others. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll feel vulnerable and you’ll have to start from zero once again. It’s all part of stepping into the unknown. Every day I learn something knew about the culture and about myself.

 

8.     Give yourself time. I learned this when I moved to Ecuador. I’m relearning it. I was wise enough to take the month of December off from work and I’m so glad I did. There was a lot of adjustment, internally and externally, going on for me. Giving myself the space for that adjustment was the wisest thing I could’ve done.

 

9.     Create a routine. There are days when I have no idea what day it is. At first it didn’t matter but eventually I began to feel ungrounded and adrift. Now that I’m back to work I’ve put more structure into my week without compromising my ability to explore, adjust and learn new things about myself and my new home.

 

10.  Practice extreme self-care. I began to sleep late again. I didn’t set the alarm clock. Instead, I woke up as my body needed. I find myself indulging in pastries, rich food and delicious coffee. As the weeks went by, I began to take better care of my eating habits without judging my desire to savor the gastronomical wonders of Portugal. I walk…a lot. Out of necessity and also because it’s the best way to explore. Making sure I get the sleep I need and eat nourishing food and stay active has kept my attention on my experience with energy and vitality.

 

11.  Life really is an adventure. Everything becomes an experiment in unfolding new ways of knowing yourself when the environment forces you into the unknown. You appreciate the little things more. You pay attention to the ordinary things that delight, like the artistry of the azulejo tiles, or the couple singing opera on the street or the delight of a pastel de nata and espresso. You discern what belongs to you and what doesn’t, what is valued by you and what isn’t. When you look at life with the eyes of an explorer all kinds of possibilities open up that you may have missed if you limited yourself to your comfort zone.

In the same poem John O’Donohue writes,

Perhaps the work we do has lost its soul
Or the love where we once belonged
Calls nothing alive in us anymore.
We drift through this gray, increasing nowhere
Until we stand before a threshold we know
We have to cross to come alive once more.

If you find yourself on that threshold, don’t let fear get in the way of crossing over to the other side. Trust your own wisdom and intuition and find that something that makes you come alive once more. I hope these 11 lessons will help you on your path too.

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Interested in my new adventure? Follow me on Instagram @msaliciamrodriguez

2021: A New Year and a BIG Announcement

Happy New Year!

It's 2021. Everything about 2020 has been said. It's time to look forward to a new year and a new way of working, living and being together.

I'd like to share a few questions I've been asking myself and perhaps you might want to ask yourself as you pause between the years.

What did you learn from this year?

What did you lose this year? What are you grieving? Who do you need to forgive?

What did you gain? Who do you need to appreciate? What are you grateful for?

How will you make space for a new beginning?

How will you gain closure or resolution for the unresolved in 2020?

What are your hopes, dreams and goals for 2021?

If a major transition is up for you in 2021, how will you make the shift and where will you get support?

What is the dream or vision for your life that will enliven your decisions, actions, relationships and plans?

What are your deepest wishes yourself and for others you care about?

MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

I've asked myself these questions too. I started asking these questions in 2020 and the answers brought me to a decision that significantly changes my life. Rather than write my announcement I'd rather tell you. Listen to this video where I share my Big News. I welcome your comments; simply email me.

Listen to my big news 2021 announcement here

Looking forward to taking my life and my work to the next level in service of helping you take your life and work to the next level. If you need some support, let me know. I've traveled the path and I'd be happy to support you on yours.

If a daily inspiration would support you be sure to register for my complimentary daily inspirational quote at #SIMPLEWISDOM.

May 2021 bring you peace, joy, prosperity and an enlightened way of being in the world for you and for all.