Alicia M. Rodriguez's Blog, page 5

Why You Can't Put Me In Your Box

As I started to write this I heard a little voice in my head say “You can’t put me in a box.” Believe me for years I tried…to put myself in a box…

I remember doing a business marketing workshop and struggling with something as simple as my title. Was I President or CEO of my company? Was I an Executive Coach? Was I a Leadership Advisor? All these came up and with each one I silently gagged.

I was convinced that I had an acute level of ignorance around my work and my role. Something has to be wrong with a person that can’t even put a name to her work.

I settled on some inoffensive title that I was told was SEO friendly (that is Search Engine Optimization but basically it means people can find you on the internet based on your words).

It still felt like I was wearing a dress that was too tight, or shoes that look really good but kill to walk in.

Now as I look back on that time I know why I struggled. I don’t fit into any category, any title or even any specific career. Actually, I’ve rebelled against putting any moniker on my work as it feels insufficient and inaccurate. Not only do I enjoy many different kinds of work, but my life is rich with new adventures, crazy ideas and bold conversations that leave no doubt that a box would simply squash all that is good and true.

“Real winners in a rapidly changing world will be those who are open to alternatives and able to respect and value those who are different.”
― Mary Catherine Bateson, Composing a Life

Humans like to label things so they can understand them. We categorize our relationships, we schedule our hours, we make lists upon lists. Like Marie Kondo, we organize our lives into neat little boxes until one day we don’t fit into those boxes. Our first impulse is to find another box to fit into. A new job, a new title, a new relationship, something that will help define us in a way that we and others can understand, even if it is insufficient, lacking and soul-sucking.

We are unable to grasp that which has no name.

The most rebellious people are the creatives. The artists, the musicians, the writers and all those who create for a living. We know that all creation is always in motion, never exactly as it was a few minutes ago. We know that imagination is limitless - and so are we. We don’t want to be defined by the boxes society or culture has created to make themselves comfortable, as if to name something were to truly know it.

Creatives thrive in disorder. We see chaos as opportunity. We’ve learned to live with the discomfort of change. We dance with the unknown with the radical trust that something will appear if we are open to receiving the unexpected, that which I call synchronicity. It doesn’t make for acceptance in a society that values conformity but it does make for a deeper, enriched life.

Recently a client sent me a link to a video called Screw The Box. Besides loving the title, the message hit home. The longing for a life well lived by my own standards has cost me yet I have few regrets. (I can’t say no regrets, but they have been few). This video brings home the fear it takes to jump into the unknown and the radical faith to land well. It’s 3 minutes of your time well spent.

If you’re one of the ones longing to release yourself from your box, have faith. You’re in good company. You’ll discover that the only way to know you can fly, is to leap courageously into the full creative expression of who you are.

It’s the only way you will be happy and lead a fulfilled life.

WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW.

Let me know what you think in the comments below. I hope you’re inspired too.

Make sure you read the courageous story of the free diver in the video, Stig Pryds, who had to overcome tremendous obstacles to free himself of his own box.

Cover Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

5 Practices To Keep You Sane and Emotionally Healthy

We are almost at the finish line.

Or so it seems as we near the end of 2020, one of the most challenging years in all of our history.

There are many of you who have spoken to me of feeling “fuzzy”, or demotivated and uninspired. Some of you mentioned “just going through the motions.” And others have told me how they speed from one thing to another until they’re exhausted but still feeling like they’ve been busy without producing anything meaningful.

I want to take a moment and share these 5 practices that I do and I recommend to my clients that will help alleviate the undercurrent of stress you may be feeling. They will help you get back in touch with optimism as a new year approaches. They’re simple but they work.

5 PRACTICES TO HELP YOU COPE

1. Quiet time. Unless you have stillness in your life you will not be able to hear the wisdom you already hold in your heart. You know exactly what you need to do, you only have to listen and act on your own wise counsel.

2. Nature. There is no better antidote for sadness or better way to connect to yourself than a walk in Nature. She shows you the truth of things. The natural cycle provides lessons on impermanence and rebirth which apply to your own life

3. Self-Love. Self-love leads to self-care, self-esteem and self-confidence. It is the basis of your primary relationship with self so you can then be present to love in others. Every morning breathe in goodness and appreciation for your life.

4. Gratitude. Even in the darkest days you can find something to be grateful for. Keep a gratitude jar in your kitchen, writing small notes every day to yourself so when things are difficult you can pull a note and remember the blessings life bestows on you.

5. Meditation. Daily meditation or prayer keeps you connected to a greater wisdom and purpose so that the challenges of daily living remain in perspective. Starting your day with meditation, no matter how little time it takes, provides clarity and presence for the day.

Incorporate these simple five practices in your life and you'll notice more energy, joy and focus for those things that truly matter to you.

If you’d like some daily support sign up to receive my inspirational #SIMPLEWISDOM quotes. I’ve been told by many that they help focus their day and connect to what truly matters.

Hang in there. And if you need to talk to someone, email me and I’ll respond.

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

10 Ways To Cheer Yourself Up When You Feel Blue

I have a confession to make.

I wrote the list I'm about to share with you for myself. I didn't sit at the computer and think about another listicle or what my next newsletter would say.

I was feeling blue, reading the news, watching the posts and overhearing conversations of doom and gloom.

And it all got to me.

Maybe you're feeling the same way?

So...

I decided to do something about it for those times when I want to pick myself up because the blues are interfering with my optimism and joie de vivre - and my life and work. A little bit is fine. But after that, it's time to do something to return to my equilibrium and harmony.

I hope there are at least a few on this list that will help you do the same, to get back to your happy place.

Here goes.

1 - I listen to music and dance like no one is looking - because mostly no one is looking but even if they did, I wouldn't really care.

2 - I take a walk in nature. For me there's nothing better than a walk on the beach to recenter myself. If you garden or hike you know how being nature is healing and recalibrates all those neurons in your mind so you can find your peace even in this chaotic world.

3 - I read a poem instead of the news to start and end my day. It allows me to reflect on what really matters and connect spiritually.

4 - I write in my journal. I write observations, feelings, ideas, thoughts and even short stories. It gets my creativity flowing and that's always welcome.

5 - I call - yes CALL not text or email - someone I haven't spoken to for a while and check in with them. We catch up on the present, laugh and share memories of our past. I leave those conversations filled with gratitude for having this person in my life.

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6 - I move. Sometimes it's a walk, or yoga, hiking, cycling, swimming or dancing or tai chi. As long as my body is moving I can ground myself and appreciate that my body holds vitality and life force that should never be taken for granted. There's gratitude again.

7 - Sophie. My dog. I hold her, play with her, cuddle her. If you have a pet, you're one of the lucky ones who knows unconditional love. If I get too focused or sit at the computer too long, Sophie is at the door barking and getting me outside.

8 - I write a letter to myself. This may sound silly but writing a letter to yourself can generate self-compassion and appreciation for yourself. Sometimes we just need to show ourselves a little love so love letters are welcome.

9 - I reread my mantras and affirmations. I used to think mantras didn't work, that they were nonsense. Then I discovered THIS.

10 - I cook. It's meditative for me. The fact that there is a tangible result- a nice, healthy meal or passionfruit cookies or chocolate chip banana bread or a warm loaf of bread - reminds me that I can sustain myself if I pay attention to my own self-care. Once again, gratitude.

So I don't forget in those blue moments, this list is on my phone. I choose one of these and afterwards the world looks a bit brighter and I feel more optimimistic, creative and above all, grateful that I have this wonderful life.

Let me know in the comments which one you'll try.  And if you know of someone who’s feeling blue, be sure to share this post with them.

The Woodcarver - A Lesson in Creating from the Soul

Khing, the master woodcarver, made a bell stand

Of precious wood. When it was finished,

All who saw it were astounded. They said it must be the work of spirits.

The Prince of Lu said to the master carver:

“What is your secret?”

Khing replied, “I am only a workman.

I have no secret. There is only this:

When I began to think about the work you commanded

I guarded my spirit. I did not expend it

On trifles, that were not to the point.

I fasted in order to

Set my heart at rest.

After three days fasting,

I had forgotten gain and success.

After five days,

I had forgotten praise and criticism.

After seven days

I had forgotten my body

With all its limbs.

By this time al thought of your Highness

And of the court had faded away.

Al that might distract me from the work

Had vanished.

I was collected in the single thought of the bell stand.

Then I went into the forest

To see the trees in their own natural state.

When the right tree appeared before my eyes,

The bell stand also appeared in it, clearly, beyond

doubt.

All that I had to do was to put forth my hand

And begin.

If I had not met this particular tree

There would have been

No bell stand at all.

What happened?

My own collected thought

Encountered the hidden potential in the wood;

From this live encounter came the work

Which you ascribe to the spirits.”

 

From: Merton, Thomas (1965 & 2004) The Way of Chuang Tzu Boston & London: Shambhala.

 

Chuang Tzu, one of the great figures of early Taoism, lived around 300 BCE. He used parables and anecdotes, allegory and paradox, to illustrate that real happiness and freedom are found only in understanding Tao or Way of nature, and dwelling in its unity. The respected Trappist monk Thomas Merton spent several years reading and reflecting on four different translations of the Chinese classic that bears Chuang Tzu’s name.

Photo by Niklas Veenhuis on Unsplash

Magic really IS everywhere

I’ve been having lulls.

Lulls are what I call those moments, or days, or weeks, where nothing really energizes or inspires me. Sometimes it feels like I’m going through the motions and not much else.

It happens when I read the news in the morning. I should know better.

It happens when I’m disconnected from myself because I’m filling up the emptiness with busy work that isn’t even productive.

A distraction from the discomfort.

Then…there’s the ocean…calling me.

And Sophie’s at my door barking the invitation to move my body, to go to the water…

PLAY!

Out I go.

I watch the pelicans skimming the waves so very close that I can’t help but wonder how they’re not captured by the ocean’s reach.

They are playing, dancing with the water, until it’s time to…

DIVE!

A fresh fish is their reward.

The bright little red crabs dig themselves out of the sand, making small mounds of their work.

They scatter when we approach.

Sophie plays a game of tag with them….and loses.

They escape under the ground or into a wave victorious and free.

FREEDOM!

I look out on the horizon and see a splash of white breaking the calm, blue between ocean and sky.

A humpback whale has breached the surface spinning high into the air and with all her might comes crashing back into the water, flipping her tail in delight.

Once more she breaches as if there is a secret song she dances to, music played by the water and wind that I have yet to hear.

JOY!

As I walk back I feel lighter and oh so grateful to be part of this landscape, even if I’m only the observer.

But my senses have opened to this place, breathing it in through my pores to nourish my soul.

No more lull.

A simple and joyful calm settles into my heart and body and I return to my writing having been inspired by what has been here along but I had forgotten for a while.

The Holy Longing

Anyone who is awake experiences a holy longing. It arises when you realize that there is much more to life than what you’ve perceived. And that there is much more to you than you’ve accepted. That there is a life force, a spiritual energy, behind a curtain that you are just now noticing.

To acknowledge it without diminishing the present moment no matter how difficult, is the way of the spiritual warrior. As long as you experience your life here through the lens of deficiency you will suffer.

The way you measure your worth is deficient and artificial, based on measurements of the culture or society you inhabit. Understanding that you are a limitless spirit in an ecstatic dance with the universe brings you alive in the here and now even as you long for that open space where your spirit dances unencumbered by the material world.

To surrender that false hope that this life should be different is to find peace and freedom from suffering here. You surrender your smallness at each step in order to move closer to your longing.

It’s only when you sit quietly, understanding that the thoughts that run you cause your suffering, that you come to understand that whatever is in front of you is telling you that yes, you are capable of more, being more, than what your human condition tells you. These things seen through the lens of self compassion remind you that you are indeed a spiritual being reaching for the light and dancing in the cosmos.  

No one that I know has expressed this more clearly and poetically than Goethe. I leave you with the poem, The Holy Longing.

The Holy Longing

Tell a wise person or else keep silent
for those who do not understand
will mock it right away.

I praise what is truly alive
what longs to be burned to death.

 

In the calm waters of the love nights
where you were begotten, where you have begotten
a strange feeling creeps over you
as you watch the silent candle burning.

 

Now you are no longer caught
in the obsession with darkness
and a desire for higher lovemaking
sweeps you upwards.

 

Distance does not make you falter,
now, arriving in magic, flying
and finally insane for the light
you are the butterfly, and you are gone.

 

And so long as you have not experienced
this: to die and so to grow
you are only a troubled guest
on the dark earth.

 

~ Goethe, translated by Robert Bly and David Whyte.

Photo by Hans Vivek on Unsplash

A Note from the Cosmos

The cosmos, universe or whatever you want to call it, has no timeline, no limits, no boundaries.

There is only universal love that is limitless.

You are not "leaving this as is" in the sense of an incompletion.

Souls know not of incompletions - they are complete unto themselves.

We are drops in a cosmic ocean, each of us holds the essence of the other even as we are individuals.

We are connected to all as much as we are complete unto ourselves.

Adventures Await!

I don’t want to open the door to step out of my bedroom into my life.

Today I’d like to relish the warmth of my bed and the haven of softness embracing me with kindness and a promise to keep me safe.

The sun peers mercilessly into my room, its rays purposefully shining into my eyes demanding that I rise and engage the day as I slip the sheet over my head.

Life will not be denied and urges me out of the warm, dark shadow under the soft blankets of my refuge.

Cautiously I peer out and answer the call to begin again, to begin anew.

Adventures await!

Love awaits!

Life awaits!

I gently push open the gate between the now and the new.

Barefooted and sleepy I enter the first room of my life called today.

Photo by elizabeth lies on Unsplash

A Quiet Morning on the Beach

I woke up today at 6am, wide awake and rested. It was a sign that something different was required this morning, not in my routine. I made my French Press coffee - my brain cannot wake up without it - and I went to sit at the beach. It is a cool morning here, cloudy as the season is changing into the darker winter and slower pace. It was coming up to high tide so the sound of the waves was pronounced drowning out my thinking mind so I could just be with the wind and water.

In that space a question arose.

How can I be present to my life regardless of the chaos in the world and what it evokes in me?

I listened, the mental process on pause. The answer was right there, drinking my coffee, experiencing the morning differently in conversation to the ocean and birds and air. No where else I should or could be but right there. 

The pelicans are not asking what they should be doing this morning.  The tiny red crabs scattering on the beach are not inquiring into their purpose in life. The ocean has no doubt about the cadence of the tide.

I am simply here in a beautiful place of my choosing seeing it for what it is even as chaos, death and destruction pounds on the door for attention. I am already present to my life.

The question needs no answer. It is the answer itself.

I am simply grateful for my life. 

Photo by Don Shin on Unsplash

Two Questions to Ask Yourself Now

I wanted to share two powerful questions with you dear reader,

One of my daily (or almost daily) rituals is to walk the beach with Sophie my dog. It allows me the quiet and inner peace to hear my deeper wisdom and keeps me from getting caught up in all the noise surrounding the news and social media.

The other day two questions returned on the wind. 

"Who will I be when I emerge from this chrysalis?