Alicia M. Rodriguez's Blog, page 7

Surrender

SURRENDER

I asked the ocean

Teach me about surrender

The way the sand gives way

To the tide

The way the stones fight

For their place on the beach

Only to be swept out to

The unknown sea

To be churned and turned

Returning to the shore

A polished version of themselves. 

What do you need to surrender to?

Spend a week on my beach and together we’ll explore this question.

Learn more

It's Time to Wake the Giant

Everything we do rewards us in some way.

Even the unhealthy habits and thoughts provide some reward.

If you choose to hide your light, because the visibility feels like vulnerability, your reward is “safety”.

If you choose to make decisions that you define as “being stuck”, the reward is “comfort”.

But what happens when you wake up to the realization that these things keep you from being fully present in your life?

What happens when there is a goal you want to reach or a dream you want to manifest but you keep repeating old patterns that maintain the status quo?

You may feel that the gap between where you are and where you want to be is so HUGE that you may as well not even begin.

Or you may have the fear that you will fail because you doubt yourself so much, because you’ve never undertaken anything so risky.

Everything becomes a struggle. You suffer. And you don’t want to suffer.

How do you find the way out?

There is a sleeping Giant inside all of us.

It won’t rise unless there is something truly worthy of waking her out of her stupor.

The little things, the easy goals are not enough. The Giant isn’t interested.

What is so BIG, so compelling, that it’s enough to wake your sleeping Giant?

What in your life becomes so important that it’s not an option NOT to do it?

Now the Giant is interested.

Design Your Life Intentionally

Download the Conscious Living Assessment and learn how to get from where you are to the life you desire.

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Don’t keep talking about it as if it will happen on its own. Commit.

Make it real.

Book the trip.

Buy the farm.

Enroll in the school.

Start the business.

Whatever it is, commit to it in concrete terms.

Then act.

Go do the thing you committed to.

Get a taste of what it’s like to be present in your life.

When things get difficult, that commitment (to yourself, really) will keep you moving forward, making the changes in yourself and in your life that are required to achieve that BHAG (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goal).

Wake the Giant.

Once awake, don’t let her go back to sleep.

Keep it interesting for the Giant.

You’ll be amazed how helpful that Giant becomes, full of courage, audacity, and determination.  

That Giant that you kept sleeping for so long is your potential.

Don’t waste it. Don’t keep it asleep.

Commit. Act. Wake the Giant.

It’s waiting for your wake-up call.

Wake up to your big, beautiful, courageous, joyful life.

It’s time.

DOWNLOAD THE CONSCIOUS LIVING ASSESSMENT HERE

Photo by Yash Raut on Unsplash

The Antidote to Exhaustion Is...

“You know that the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest?’ ‘The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest,’ I repeated woodenly, as if I might exhaust myself completely before I reached the end of the sentence. ‘What is it, then?’

‘The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.’”

~ David Whyte, From Crossing the Unknown Sea

I remember how this passage hit me when I first read it. I was feeling that kind of exhaustion, the kind that is from the inside out, the kind that you feel might be endless and irrevocable.

I had never thought of it as anything more than physical or mental. I was busy building a career, traveling all over the world, and working hours on end with little sleep and no self care.

But hey, I was successful.  I was making lots of money and had a pretty nice lifestyle in Boston. And I was traveling to wonderful places like Paris, Rome and San Diego and the Caribbean.

Then one evening while having dinner with friends I literally fell asleep at the table.

I mean FELL.

I could no longer hold back the exhaustion and my head collapsed into my mashed potatoes.

I’m not kidding! I know you may be laughing but it was one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

And a great wakeup call.

‘You are so tired through and through because a good half of what you do here in this organization has nothing to do with your true powers, or the place you have reached in your life. You are only half here, and half here will kill you after a while. You need something to which you can give your full powers. You know what that is; I don't have to tell you.’ ~ Brother David speaking to David Whyte in Crossing the Unknown Sea.

Wholeheartedness.

What did that mean to me?

I kept coming across a void in my life and I didn’t know how to fill it. I stole moments at night before I went to sleep to write in my journal. 

Just to write because I needed to write like I needed to breathe. All my writing during the day was business writing – useful but boring.  I wanted to write poetry, essays and prose.

To do that I would have to find the space in my heart where the words could find a channel to flow out through the pen to the paper. It often took a half hour or more – and a glass of wine – for the soul to appear, for the author of my writing to have a safe place to emerge.

Those stolen moments kept me alive and connected even as I continued on the relentless path of success.

‘You are like Rilke's Swan in his awkward waddling across the ground; the swan doesn't cure his awkwardness by beating himself on the back, by moving faster, or by trying to organize himself better. He does it by moving toward the elemental water, where he belongs. It is the simple contact with the water that gives him grace and presence. You only have to touch the elemental waters in your own life, and it will transform everything. But you have to let yourself down into those waters from the ground on which you stand, and that can be hard. Particularly if you think you might drown.’ He looked down and read again. ~ Brother David speaking to David Whyte in Crossing the Unknown Sea

Where did I belong?

What elemental waters did I need to find to transform the life I was living?

Every time I thought of leaving my corporate job I immediately panicked, thinking that if I left I could not support myself. The story of my life would inevitably end as a bag lady on the Boston Common.

It wasn’t that I hated my work. I actually enjoyed my work, which made this process so much more difficult to understand.

But I was driven to create an illusion, sacrificing myself on the altar of commerce and media that demanded I have certain material things to be seen as successful and win certain awards to be seen as credible.

I had meticulously planned my career rising onto a national platform where my ego received nourishment through the numerous accolades bestowed on me.

Sitting in the restaurant with mashed potatoes on my face I knew I could not keep going like this. I knew that something had to give.

I knew I had to take charge of my life or something more serious than a humiliating face full of mash would occur.

‘This nervously letting yourself down, takes courage, and the word courage in English comes from the old French word coeur, heart. You must do something heartfelt, and you must do it soon. Let go of all this effort, and let yourself down, however awkwardly, into the waters of the work you want for yourself. It's all right, you know, to support yourself with something secondary until your work has ripened, but once it has ripened to a transparent fullness, it has to be gathered in. You have ripened already, and you are waiting to be brought in. Your exhaustion is a form of inner fermentation.

You are beginning, ever so slowly' – he hesitated – ‘to rot on the vine.’ ~ Brother David speaking to David Whyte in Crossing the Unknown Sea

I was afraid of so many things yet the light inside kept flickering relentlessly calling me to another life, my life.

No one was going to give me permission to be myself; only I could do that.

It took another year and several episodes at the hospital for me to “let myself down”. 

I sought out the help of others and I began to do one thing every day that would support me in my next endeavor.

But most importantly, I decided. 

Then I committed to a future I chose to design based on those soulful things that really did matter to me.

I knew they mattered because they came effortlessly when space opened up for them to emerge.

My authentic life was there all the time, ripening, waiting to be harvested. Calling to me in the twilight of sleepless nights. Whispering to me when I walked in the woods.

I became an entrepreneur so I could express myself fully through my work. I committed to seeking out clients and colleagues whose resonance with my values kept me sharp, learning and engaged wholeheartedly.

Now, it’s time for another shift, another voyage on the changing elemental waters of my life. This time I embrace it, allowing the space for the new normal to flourish and draw me into a new life whose source goes deeper than before.

Every phase of life brings a deepening of who you are if you are paying attention.

When the effort is too much you know that you have left your elemental waters, the place of belonging that the poet David Whyte often writes about.

Find your place of belonging.

Waddle courageously off the land into the graceful movement of your elemental waters.

Embrace the swan that lives in you, gliding through your life and know that your heart will find its voice.

It’s your time to live wholeheartedly.

Listen to the Blog Post here.

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

20 Ways To Stay Safe In Life - and never grow into your full potential

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

— e.e cummings

Have you ever launched yourself into the unknown, driven by an undeniable passion and belief in something, so significant that the fear of doing it pales in comparison with the potential regret of never trying?

You’re now thinking, “I thought this post was going to be about staying safe?”

Well, yes….and no…

Unless you’ve undertaken a daring endeavor you won’t have experienced the reaction from those around you, who with the best of intentions, are concerned about your safety and security.

Maybe the following will sound familiar…

Each time I’ve stepped up to something that I actually thought I couldn’t do, but still I couldn’t not try, I’ve been met with some support, but mostly fear…

…not mine, someone else’s shining a bright light on my own suppressed fears.

It’s what I call the “Be very afraid,” messages that hide behind good intentions and expressions of care.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. 

In any daring endeavor that I’ve taken in my life I’ve had well meaning people share not my excitement but their fear about the perceived risk I’m taking.

I clearly remember when I started my meeting planning business so many years ago, my mentor saying, “Are you sure you want to do this? You’ll be all by yourself. What if you fail?” 

I was so surprised by his question that my reply came from a much deeper place than it would’ve had I thought about the answer.

“It never occurred to me that I would fail.”  And it hadn’t. 

I just knew in every cell of my body that this was the right thing to do.

Since then I’ve experienced this over and over: people projecting their fears on me when they perceive that I’m doing something “risky”.

As any entrepreneur knows, we more often hear how our ideas are risky or how no one would support IT because it’s so crazy, or my favorite one, “It’s never been done before.”

I still hear my elementary school art teacher telling me to be neat and color inside the lines.

I hear my third grade teacher proclaiming me I a bad writer.

I hear my old boss trying to convince me that mediocre was good enough.

I hear my mentor asking about failure. 

(Yes, all of these happened.)

And the same response arises time and time again. “It never occurred to me that I would fail.”

It’s not because I’m SO smart that I would never fail.

Believe me, I’ve been humbled by failure many times. 

It’s that failure is not the premise on which I manifest my ideas and dreams, or make my choices, or begin a new path.

My premise has always been growth; it isn’t even success. 

Everything that truly inspires you is an invitation to learn more about yourself and to keep evolving to higher states of consciousness and awareness.

Every step you take can be in rhythm with the movement of your soul. 

There is a compass inside you that points to your true north.  I promise you it is there.

You don’t see it, or if you do, you don’t heed its direction.  

The external world wants you to “stay in line,” to “be part of the in crowd,” “not to rock the boat,” or “don’t stand out,” or my favorite, “and who do you think you are to…”

There are so many demands on you to remain small and invisible. When you step into unknown territory, with the excitement of an explorer seeking gold, it shows others what they too might be capable of. 

For many people it’s frightening to see someone else’s potential reflecting back their own unfulfilled potential. And so they unconsciously offer to the rebels, the mavericks, the innovators, their criticism, caution and fear instead of support and honest feedback.

“Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights. But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge. You would know in words that which you have always known in thought. You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams. ~ ”

— Kahlil Gibran, On Self Knowledge, The Prophet

It all boils down to one thing.

You have to know who you are and why you make any choice in your life. 

The only ground you will find in a groundless world is the one that is always available inside yourself.

That is where you’ll find your compass.

You have to become conscious and self-aware to the point that you recognize “the sound of your heart’s knowledge.” 

That voice has to break through all the noise, the images, and the stories that a collective society imposes upon you.

I can’t tell you how to be you.  Only you know that.

I can, however, share what keeps you from being the fullest expression of your creative (and spiritual) potential. 

Here are my...

20 Ways To Stay Safe In Life - and never grow into your full potential

1      Listen and do what others tell you to do - always

2      Trust others rather than trusting yourself

3      Take your values from the outside rather than accepting and embracing what really matters to you regardless of others’ opinions

4      Never question your assumptions or beliefs

5      Play it safe always and never risk

6      Don’t listen to the music in your heart

7      Don’t dance to the rhythm of your soul

8      Live only in your mind and avoid visiting your body, heart or spirit

9      Don’t explore new experiences or unknown territory

10    Believe that there is only one reality or truth – and it’s out there

11    Never be curious about anyone or anything that you don’t already understand

12    Strive to fit in

13    Seek validation and self-worth from outside yourself

14    Accept compromise as a way of life

15    Believe only what you can touch, see and hear

16    Don’t ever try to learn something new if it causes any fear or anxiety

17    Believe that you don’t deserve the maximum goodness, wellbeing, peace and joy that you can attain

18    Consider desire, of any kind, a sin

19    Do what you’re told to do even if it’s crushing you because someone else knows best

20    Trade your personal power for love, acceptance and belonging

Do these 20 things and you will always STAY safe.

But you will never grow into the human and spiritual being that you were meant to become.

If life is inviting you to greater things…that make your energy rise and heart beat faster…

Say YES! 

Dare to offer yourself to life, unabashedly and joyfully, and you will have few regrets and some pretty good stories to tell.

LISTEN TO THIS BLOG POST HERE. FOLLOW ME ON SOUNDCLOUD FOR MORE!

Waking with a Warrior Heart

It’s Sunday morning.

This morning I woke up to…nothing. 

No to do list.

No appointments.

No noise.

I wondered how long it might last. 

A few minutes?

An hour?

Who decides?

It’s Sunday morning and the world is waking up.

What are you waking up to?

On a daily basis I wake up to…

The song of the birds as they tweet their buenos días.

The breeze through trees that sway ever so gently in their early morning dance.

Maybe you wake up to…

The noise of traffic as the city streets populate with humans like ants scurrying to find their next meal. 

Perhaps your sleep is abruptly intruded upon by the sound of the shrill alarm clock you set so you wouldn’t oversleep and miss your commute to work.

Are you the one who turns on the dumb box (did I say that?) to watch the new disasters thrown at you like mud-pies soiling your clear sight with fear and aggression?

I made a decision to keep my first hour clean and selfishly mine.  No intrusion from the outer world is welcome until I ground myself in my day with gratitude and intention.

I designed my life so I could wake up present to the tiny birds that sit precariously on the wires outside the house, to enjoy the breeze as it invites the trees to nature’s dance, even to the sound of Sophie my dog barking sweetly claiming her place in my daily life.

Today I choose to make a healthy breakfast after a morning meditation that keeps me in my comfortable bed for a few minutes more to enjoy the transition from sleep to awakeness; no jolt, simply the natural light of the day dawning to invite me into my life.

After the quiet, music (Ludovico Einaudi) that soothes and helps me connect to any intentions I may have forgotten.

The soul remembers when the music touches the heart.

A walk outside to converse with the ocean while Sophie plays in the waves that tease and invite her to run and play tag. 

That is my Sunday morning. 

I may not be able to do this every morning.

But most mornings I wake up just this way, allowing the time and space each morning to become present to myself and my environment and my life intentions.

I fiercely defend my heart, mind and soul from the negativity of the world so that when it does rise, it is met with a warrior’s heart, courage and optimism.

This is the foundation of my work (and life).

I cannot hold space for others if I cannot hold space for myself.

I ask you to claim your morning, when the darkness shifts to light, a symbol of our own dance with life and the cycles of nature that claim each and everyone of us no matter how you resist. 

Be kind to yourself. 

Take care of your soul, your heart, your body and your mind in every moment possible.

You deserve the gift of peace each and every morning even if only for a few minutes.

Now claim it.  Download my Morning Transformation Meditation here. LISTEN HERE TO THE BLOG POST.

Photo by Nick Scheerbart on Unsplash

Grief is an "L" Word

Everyone has experienced grief. We each experience it differently.

Some people allow grief to wash over them, allowing it to settle into their bones. Some never recover, some do.

Others push it away, not able or willing to engage the sense of loss that accompanies grief. 

Yet others seem to deal with it only to have the emotions rise up and rebel unexpectedly years later, having denied the clues to their hidden sadness.

Grief occurs when we feel we have lost something, when someone or something in our life dies or passes from our presence.

Elizabeth Kübler Ross, author of On Death and Dying, writes,

The five stages - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.

Behind these stages are three deeper stages of grief that are sometimes hidden from view. When you understand that grief contains these emotions you can move beyond the grief without denying or hiding from it. You can accept the impermanence of all things which includes the cycle of life. Occasionally it even redefines how you perceive life.

LOSS

This is the first emotion you feel when someone dies or leaves you or when some kind of death, virtually or really, occurs. Loss makes life transitions difficult as you focus on what you believe you are leaving behind instead of focusing on what you are about to create.

Loss creates a hole where once there was someone or something occupying the space. It leaves you feeling empty.

Life is loss. Why? Because nothing remains the same.

Everything changes. Your attachments to people, things and ways of being create a resistance to change and you experience it as loss when there is a shift.

If you allow loss to consume you, to take up permanent residence in your heart, you may never be able to experience your life fully. If you can engage it with tenderness and self-compassion, allowing whatever time is necessary to pass, you can move toward a renewal that will bring a gentle peace however uneasy that may feel.

LONGING

How often do you experience something and wish that someone was standing next to you to share that with you?

How often does the silence bring tears of longing to be with a special person?

Does your heart open when you remember someone or something that has faded into a past memory?

David Whyte in his book Consolations, speaks to the surrender to silence as the way to make our longing bearable and a portal for rebirth.

Reality met on its own terms demands absolute presence, and absolute giving away, an ability to live on equal terms with the fleeting and the eternal, the hardly touchable and the fully possible, a full bodily appearance and disappearance, a rested giving in and giving up; another identity braver, more generous and more here than the one looking hungrily for the easy, unearned answer.

Longing can transform into gratitude when you can embrace “an ability to live on equal terms with the fleeting and the eternal.”

Gratitude that you had that experience or had the pleasure or honor to be in relationship with someone special.

Gratitude that you had a special experience in your life that helped you to grow and evolve as a human and spiritual being.

Longing allows you to move deeper into the experience of life without feeling trapped in an overwhelming emptiness. It can move you deeper into gratitude and love and rebirth.

LOVE

Recently the son of a friend of mine was murdered. A senseless act of violence took the life of a gifted young man, a young man with a good heart and an artistic talent that belied his humble nature. As a mother I can’t imagine what that pain is like. My heart aches for her and for her family.

This grief is the underside of Love. We love our children, spouses, friends and family with a fierceness that bonds us to them forever.

When they die or leave, we grieve. We feel that emptiness, that absence, that loss of the physical presence of that person in our lives.

And yet there is redemption in Love. That deep, spiritual Love is the only thing that can sustain the immensity of the absence and longing for someone you love.

This is the Love that resides in your heart, in your very soul.

This is the Love that appears as a smile on your lips when you see or hear something they would have enjoyed or when something brings back a memory that is healing. 

Mary Oliver, the poet writes (In Blackwater Woods)

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

Love is the only thing that is more powerful than death.

Love is the only thing that can keep a mother’s heart beating after such an immense and senseless loss.

Love is what provides the courage to continue living, that sustaining love that is infinite and ever present in your heart.

MINA

It’s taken time to shift from feeling an acute loss and desperate longing for my mother who died in June 2017.

I can sit quietly with my feelings now and allow love to open my heart to her, and to feel her presence. Tears may come cleansing the regrets that still surface unexpectedly, transforming guilt to compassion. “If only I had….” Is replaced with the gratitude found in “Thank you for being in my life and loving me unconditionally.”

And I’m sure that this will continue as I travel between loss, longing and love with an awareness that neither one of these stages is “bad” and each one is necessary and a gift. This consciousness allows me to open my heart and maintain a loving state even when I still grieve.

NOTE:

I decided to share these thoughts with you on Loss, Longing and Love in the hope that they may help anyone who is going through a grieving process.

Right now the world is experiencing so many changes: so many deaths on so many levels; physically, spiritually, emotionally, politically, morally, etc. We are unconscious to the grieving process which is hidden behind the headlines and the rhetoric and the stress and illnesses that many people are experiencing.

Whether it is a personal loss or the longing for a world that is disappearing, you must know that ultimately the only thing that will sustain you in times of doubt, fear and sorrow, in times when you grieve, is Love.

I simply know that this is a universal (cosmic) truth. Not simple. Not easy. You must have faith that behind each death is a rebirth. You must believe that the essence of who we are forever connects us through love and that what I call soul never dies, is never lost.

 LISTEN HERE TO THE BLOG POST

Photo by Ivan Karasev on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Sacred Spaces in Everyday Life

I used to live in Boston, specifically in West Roxbury. The Arnold Arboretum in Jamaica Plain was only a few blocks away, a haven in a city of concrete and glass.  This beautiful and large green oasis in the middle of the city was filled with a diversity of trees with winding paths inviting discovery. I liked to stray from the busy pathways through the trees to lesser used dirt paths created by previous intrepid explorers. I would go there to be with myself (and my dog).

One day in the late afternoon, when the light was just so, my dog and I discovered an opening tucked between some bushes.  The impulse to explore was strong so we crawled through it.  When we emerged on the other side we found a circular space of ground, surrounded with towering trees, with a beam of light that started above the tree tops and landed right in the center of the circular space like a spotlight.

I remember this clearly because I had gone there to recover from a devastating diagnosis from a doctor that told me I would not be able to have children. I stood in the beam of light and I can say I experienced a transcendental moment.  In my brief conversation with God I simply said, “God, I think this is between you and me and not medicine.”  Later that year I became pregnant with my son.

My dog Brandy and I regularly visited my “cathedral” in the woods, my sacred space. I still carry that experience of sacredness within me.  

You don’t have to go far to find a sacred space.  These spaces are all around us but in our hurried lives we zoom by them, not noticing the invitation to reflect, to be quiet and to experience an inner dialogue with ourselves. 

Where are the sacred spaces in your life? How often do you stop there to recover and reflect?  

There is an open invitation, if you choose to experience it.

LISTEN HERE TO THE BLOG POST

14 Reasons Why We Suffer

The root of suffering is attachment. ~ Buddha

Everyone suffers. It’s part of the human condition.

Yet suffering can be the doorway to your personal evolution, to growth and expansion, if you choose to shift your thoughts and perceptions.

The bad news is:We are the creators of our suffering. The good news is:We are the creators of our suffering.

We can stop our own suffering by understanding the root of what causes us to suffer and then taking action, whether it’s shifting our inner dialogue or doing things differently.

I’ve noticed some common reasons why we suffer. When you know what the cause is, you’ll discover that you can change suffering into awareness and find peace and happiness.

Suffering is caused by…1. Resistance to impermanence.

You want everything to remain the same. You don’t accept that everything is temporary. Life moves in cycles generating new life and yes, death, and nothing will stop that universal movement. Accepting that everything that exists is only temporary allows you to release your attachment to things, people and even to your definition of yourself. This is how you continue to learn and evolve.

2. Seeing yourself as separate and disconnected.

We are all made of stardust. All life is connected like a giant network that may appear different but at its core is made of the same elements as the earth, the stars and all living beings. If you consider the concept of impermanence, you can see how it applies here also. Life is connected and impermanent because the atoms that compose it are always moving and being rearranged, between living to decomposition (or death) which feeds other life. You see this in nature most clearly. When you experience this deeper connection to all of life you will feel the sacredness of all things and beings and you will never feel loneliness.

“All our personal and collective problems arise from the illusion of separateness. If we embrace our inherent unity our problems will cease.” #aliciaisms

3. Clinging to your identity.

When you choose an identity, whatever that is when you say “I am….”, you immediately create a limitation and an expectation of who you are. That’s a mental process not necessarily a reality. You are more than a title or a word. You may call yourself names that diminish you (weak, lazy, not enough, etc) or you may find your self-worth in the identity you choose (CEO, competent, parent, etc) and anything that challenges your sense of worth then becomes a threat or an insult or a conundrum. You suffer because someone may suggest that you are not who or what you believed yourself to be.  

4. Wanting reality to be something it’s not.

This one is big. Anytime you want or even demand that your reality be different than what it is you suffer because of the desire that it were different. You resist what is in front of you and suffer. Only by accepting what is can you take action that can change your situation. Your desire to have it be different is only useful if you consider it as an aspiration and take action to bring you closer to that aspirational state. That will only succeed if you start exactly where you are. 

5. Listening to outside forces instead of listening to your own truth.

Lao Tzu said, “He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” When you base your sense of self on what others say about you, you’ll never realize your true potential. You’ll buy into their story of who you should be and how you should live. Your energy goes into an inauthentic life that causes you stress and possibly illness. Only by aligning your life to what is true for you can you be happy.  

6. Living a divided life.

What is a divided life? Parker Palmer says that a divided life is “a life in which our words and actions conceal or even contradict truths we hold dear inwardly”. He goes on to say, “And yet our culture counsels us to do exactly that.” If the way you lead your life is incongruent with what truly matters to you and what you believe in, you will suffer. This divided life will eventually catch up with you and you’ll find yourself looking in the mirror and no longer recognizing the face that stares back at you.

7. Living from the outside in.

Socrates famously said that “The unexamined life is not worth living”. If you spend no time in reflection, in the deeper conversation with your Self, you will never find your true purpose or acknowledge the wonderful being you are. You’ll spend most of your life comparing yourself to others and always criticizing yourself for not being “enough”.

8. Choosing fear over love.

You have two choices around how you lead your life. You can choose fear or love. Fear produces thoughts that cause a contraction in our hearts, minds and bodies. You restrict yourself, you protect yourself from life itself. There is no way to achieve fulfillment and potential when you live out of fear. You are constantly hiding. Only when you choose to live from a place of love can you generate optimism and courage and compassion.

“When you live from love everything becomes possible”. #aliciaisms

9. Seeking security and certainty in an uncertain and ambiguous world.

Life is dynamic and ever-changing and unpredictable. You must learn to dance with whatever comes towards you. You will suffer when you seek the illusion of safety and security because what you are seeking out there can only be found within. Trusting yourself and what you stand for, in that moment, is the only way to ground yourself in groundlessness.

“Dance with whatever comes towards you.” #aliciaisms

10. Living in the past or future.

Being anywhere but the present keeps you from enjoying your life now. You might enjoy your memories more if you aren’t attached to having it be the same now as it was then. You can aspire to the future if you accept it as a possibility not a certainty. By paying attention to your life right now you can notice the beauty that is there and experience gratitude for your life.

11. Playing the victim.

Each time you play the victim or you blame someone or something else you abdicate your power to live your best life to the whim of circumstances. You experience yourself as having no power or agency over your life. You build resentment, fear and anger that saps your energy and limits your potential. When you empower yourself you use your inner wisdom to choose what serves you in creating a life that is in harmony and flow.

12. Seeking comfort over growth.

Humans don’t like being uncomfortable. When you choose comfort over growth you become a prisoner to your comfort. You were meant to be free. Freedom comes from being all you can be and courageous enough to live fully. Those challenging obstacles will become the doorway to opportunities when you engage them despite your discomfort.

“You were meant to be free.” #aliciaisms

13. Not choosing for your Self.

When you choose things that compromise your health, wellbeing and spiritual growth you deny the very things that you need to be happy and healthy. You know what you need when you listen to your inner voice and intuition telling you how to choose. How often do you dismiss this voice and instead choose a momentary pleasure or comfort that compromises the true nourishment your soul needs? Next time, listen and transform the act of taking care of yourself into something sacred and significant that can help you also care for others.

14. Denying parts of yourself.

You have a shadow or darkness within you. Everyone does. There are always things we don’t like about ourselves. There are always traumas that need to be healed. When you run from your shadow those parts of yourself can never be reconciled and forgiven and healed. They will always haunt you, waiting to emerge when you least expect it through self-sabotage, unkindness to others, anger and unhealthy relationships. Coming to terms with the difficult emotions you feel means being compassionate with yourself, loving yourself just as you are. Running away from those parts you deny will cause you to suffer. Acceptance and forgiveness generates appreciation, self-love and compassion for yourself and others.

Summary

Carl Jung claimed that “wholeness for humans depends on the ability to own their own shadow” because he recognized that only by finding understanding of our dark side could we end our underlying insecurity about our fundamental goodness and worth as humans and, in doing so, make us ‘whole’. 

Our suffering comes from our denial of our divine nature, our lack of appreciation of our connection to all things, our resistance to impermanence and our addictions and attachments to things that only bring temporary relief.

Wholeness comes from the acceptance of all parts of ourselves as individuals and as humans so that we can transcend the pettiness of our human condition and elevate our consciousness to levels that can indeed change our world for the better.

Suffering will always be present but if we offer our suffering to something worthy of our pain and grief we will transform not only ourselves but eventually our world.

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SIMPLE WISDOM

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Flying When You Believe You're Falling

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” 
― Pema Chodron

I used to want a life that was - predictable. It felt secure. I thought that if I did everything right, followed the rules, talked the talk, that my life would work out just grand. Thank goodness that life had other plans for me. I think I would’ve died on the vine as it were, bored to death by the abdication of my life to outside forces.

I've lost count of how many times I’ve been “thrown out of the nest”.  Each time I’m ripped from anything I could be attached to, I flail, scream, cry and hold my own pity party until I get bored of it. Each time it lasts less and less time.

I now put little energy into the dramas that awaken the shadow in me, recognizing that what is lost was not really mine and that every challenge is another doorway to an unpredictable adventure where I choose whether I fly or fall.

Contentment is a prison, keeping me smaller than I truly am, stopping me from the freedom that life invites me to experience. Naturally being human I don’t mind a good amount of contentment. It’s a nice place to be after all. Yet, something in me will eventually notice the illusion, even when I know I’m challenging myself each and every day to live fully. 

What I learned is this.

Only by being thrown out of the nest can we find our wings.

They are always there waiting for the moment to lift you high up to the sky and soar.

Trust that when things happen that rock your world, don’t run.

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The Gift of Surrender

Sometimes the most courageous thing to do is to lay down your sword and walk away empty handed. To look into the void and its darkness and allow yourself to be with it as witness.

Sometimes courage appears at the edge of a cliff as you jump into nothingness, your only companion radical trust.  

Sometimes your rebirth comes after the fall, sprouting the wings that were always there hidden, waiting, to take you soaring into a new adventure.

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