P.J. Fox's Blog, page 33

Our Kickstarter Is Live!

Our Kickstarter is LIVE!

We’re thrilled to be doing a Kickstarter for our new guide, Self Publishing Is For Losers: The Evil Toad Press Guide To Self Publishing.  You can find a preview here, on our site, and the blurb here, on the Evil Toad Press website.  Like my writing guide, this guide is both funny and honest.  It might not tell you everything you want to hear, but it will tell you what you need to hear to succeed.  We’re asking for your help to make our dream of helping you fulfill your dreams a reality because, toddlers.  And medical bills.  And real life.  Just like we point out in our books, success is a team effort.

To induce you to join our team, we’re offering some amazeballs rewards.  Star in your own romantic (or erotic!) novella!  Star in your own horror novella!  Get autographed books!  Get custom covers and other artwork for your own novel!  Get editing!  Get publicity help!

Is there a reward YOU want?  Suggest it and we might consider it!  However, before anyone asks, Mr. PJ is not for sale (or rent).

Watch Our Kickstarter Video!

The Kickstarter itself is coming soon but, in the meantime, enjoy our awesome video.

Advice for Kailyn and Javi

Kailyn Lowry-Marroquin and her husband, Javi, will both be attending college this fall.  While married, and with children!  Impossible, you say?  Not remotely.  My husband and I weathered school together, and both did well.  Along the way, we learned…

Study separately.  When we were in law school, people always asked us, are you in the same study group?  We weren’t, and never wanted to be.  As a couple, just plain as individual people, you need space.  And adult human interaction with adult human beings other than your spouse.  Make a concerted effort to separate out your school life and your home life; the more time school is taking, the more vital this is.  Otherwise, school can become your entire life–and that’s not healthy, for anyone.
Recognize that you are not responsible for your partner’s academic success.  Resist the urge to backseat drive at all costs.  How seriously your spouse takes his study habits, and what his academic goals actually are is entirely up to him.  Trying to nanny someone else about their life goals doesn’t achieve anything good.  It does, however, have the potential to cause a lot of resentment.
Keep a fish bowl on the kitchen table of non-school related topics (and activities!) that you can fall back on for inspiration.  Take turns reaching into the jar and pulling something out.  Talking about things other than school–prioritizing anything other than school–takes a conscious effort.  Think of it as exercise, but for your relationship.  The more consciously you remember that school is a part of life, not all of life, the happier you’ll be–and the better your grades will be.  Balance is essential.
Recognize that all school, all the time, doesn’t lead to good grades–and indeed could very well backfire.  
But at the same time, prioritize studying.  Remind yourself, as often as you need to, why you’re doing this.  School, ultimately, is like any other commitment: lasting, meaningful success comes from doing something because you want to, and because you know it’s right for you.
Learn to say “no.”  This one’s hard.  When friends who aren’t in school want to go out, taking up time you don’t have and spending money you don’t have, it can be hard to say no.  It can be hard to be the “uncool” person who has to say, “no, I’ve gotta study.”  But you know, they’re not responsible for your success–you are.  And believe me, in a few years, when you’re the one who owns your own house and gets up every morning eager for a job you love, you’ll remember back to all the times you were “uncool” and smile.
Recognize this time as an opportunity for teamwork with your spouse.  Don’t turn on each other when the going gets rough; work on laughing together.  On sharing small victories.  On sharing your feelings.  On being honest with each other about what you’re going through, and what you really need.

Anything I’ve missed?

Ten Tips for Coming Out (Successfully)

Coming out–as anything–is hard.  Believe me, I know; I’ve been “coming out” as a Mormon for years.  And I’ve had people exhibit all the expected reactions: from immediately getting up and walking out of the room to telling me I’m a hateful sinner and going to Hell to telling me how, politically, my identity impacts them to shrugging and saying, yeah, whatever, but how about those Red Sox?  I have friends who, when they started investigating the church, their families disowned them.  So while I’m certainly not trying to say that everyone’s experience is the same, or downplay the challenges other folks experience in their lives, I do think that we–all of us–have more in common than we think.

And we can (and should) learn from each other, and support each other.

Here’s my advice on coming out–as anything:

First and foremost, realize that if learning this one thing about you is going to change someone’s perception of who you are, or their desire to interact with you, then they aren’t really your friend in the first place.  This is very hard advice to hear.  Especially when we’re contemplating the rejection of loved ones–people who should know better.  Who should accept us for exactly who and what we are.  But “shouldn’t” isn’t reality; many people who should know better, unfortunately, don’t.  Psyching ourselves up to come out is so hard, in part precisely because on some level we know this.  And we’re afraid of finding out that certain of the people we love have feet of clay.  But trust me on this, from someone who’s been there, you’re better off knowing–and sooner rather than later.  If it wasn’t this, then it would be something else.  People whose love is conditional, or who run at the first sign of trouble, aren’t people whose love can weather real life.  Separate the wheat from the chaff now, before you’re in the position of relying, really relying, on someone who can’t deliver.
Recognize that you are fabulous–with or without their approval.  Your worth as a human being is not dependent on someone else’ acknowledging that worth.  Heavenly Father loves ALL of his children: gay, straight, transgender, and every flavor of queer.  How you self-identify doesn’t change how Heavenly Father sees you.  He sees your heart, and knows your worth.  He made you to be fabulous, whatever brand of fabulous you are; strut your stuff and if not everyone can appreciate it, then it’s their loss.
You don’t have to explain anything.  Did you wait ten years to come out to Aunt Betty?  Well, then you waited ten years.  You don’t owe her, or anyone, an explanation of how you choose to come out, to whom, or on what timeline.  This is your life, and your identity; it’s precious, and it’s entirely your own.  The people who have the emotional maturity to understand what you’re telling them will also understand this.
Try to avoid meta-arguments.  Of course, you’re entitled to express yourself however you choose.  But, even so, leading by telling Aunt Betty that you waited ten years to tell her you were [insert identity here], because you’ve seen those WBC pamphlets in her mailbox and were really concerned that she’d try to exorcise the demons out of you is starting what might otherwise be a productive conversation out on the wrong foot.  Yes, some people are going to be jackwagons; but give them the chance to respond right.  Don’t assume, for them, how they’ll respond or put them on the defensive by beginning a conversation about you, and your life, by telling them what’s wrong with them–or what you perceive their deficiencies to be.
Listen.  That being said, you are under absolutely no obligation to listen to hate speech.  Listen, and participate, so long as the conversation–however uncomfortable–is productive.
Lay out the facts, short and sweet.  This is your elevator pitch, as it were.  “Aunt Betty, because I value our relationship, I want you to know that on the Kinsey scale I am an 11.  I get hard to other guys’ cocks every minute of every day, I am so gay, and I dig on being gay so hardcore.  Accepting my identity as a gay man has really brought a lot of feelings of love and self worth into my life, and I’d like to share those feelings with you.  I really hope you feel comfortable asking me any questions you might have.”
Remember who you are.  If the other guy starts being hateful, then don’t you start.  Don’t sink to their level.
Be understanding that people, even with the best of intentions, often ask very stupid questions.  Be tolerant.  Recognize that they are simply trying to learn, and honor their effort.  If you have to correct them about things like pronoun usage, or whatever, then do so gently.  No one is born knowing all the answers; what separates the proverbial men from the boys is an openness to learning.  Be an ally to others in their learning process, as best you can.
Consider role playing with a friend ahead of time.  Get your friend to ask the tough questions, the questions you’re most afraid of being asked, and practice responding to them.
Be present in the moment.  Focus on what’s happening, independent of either your fears or your expectations for this moment.  Don’t judge people for not being what you want them to be.  But, on the other hand, if they’re making you uncomfortable or downright miserable, then recognize that, too.  You are in charge, here; you are the captain of your own ship and the master of your destiny.  If an encounter is going really badly, then you are entirely within your rights to end it.

And finally, remember to honor yourself.

You’re always going to be someone’s ugly duckling but, if you keep on persevering, then you’re going to be many more people’s swan.

The One Skill Absolutely All Writers Need

And no, it isn’t the ability to read a style manual.  And it isn’t the ability to spend money on advertising.  It isn’t even the ability to craft a beautifully worded sentence.  Or paragraph.  Or, indeed, entire book.  Rather, it’s the ability to communicate successfully.  One thing I talk about in Self Publishing Is for Losers (there’s an excerpt below) is the absolutely vital importance of learning, not simply to get along with other people but to prioritize getting along with other people. Which, oddly enough, many writers don’t–and don’t see the need to.

There’s a profound irony, here, that so many people who ostensibly want to write for a living have no interest in learning to actually communicate successfully.  They forget, I think, that writing is communicating.  When you write a craft a story, your goal is to connect, on a personal level, with your reader.  To make them feel something, yes–but to make them feel what you want them to feel.  Scared.  Sad.  Tormented by the idea that your two lovers might not get together after all.  But these goals aren’t specific to writing; they’re the goals that everyone should have, whenever they communicate.  Actually talking to other people, and doing so successfully, is the writing version of cross-training for a marathon.  And just like anyone who isn’t interested in putting in the hard work of cross-training probably isn’t going to do very well in an actual race time situation, anyone who isn’t genuinely interested in other people probably isn’t going to do very well as a writer.

If you’re not interested in connecting with other people, then why are you writing in the first place?  What could possibly be interesting about the process of evoking emotions in others, when you find them too boring to consider?  Too many writers, and would be writers, treat other people merely as sounding boards.  Or forget that they’re people at all.  I could make an argument, here–and do in this forthcoming book, as well as in my writing guide–about how treating other writers like enemies isn’t a viable means of achieving career success.  But on a more fundamental level, to be a good writer, you have to be interested in people.

If you don’t take a few lines of casual communication seriously, then how are you preparing yourself to write a book?

Many people find this kind of advice offensive; they’re firmly of the opinion that they should be able to say whatever they want, and it’s on the other guy to do the hard work of interpreting them correctly.  Which, apart from being an illogical and self-serving point of view, is also not one that translates well into writing.  Because you’re not there, hovering over someone’s shoulder as they read, telling them how they “should” interpret every line.  Communicating successfully is about sharing your viewpoint without the need for ex post facto editorialization.

Before I was a writer, I was an attorney.  And standing up, day after day, in front of complete strangers and trying to convince them that I had a valid point taught me some valuable lessons.  Lessons that have translated–you can decide for yourself how effectively–into my writing and into my coaching.  I learned, first and foremost, that people are turned off by anyone who comes along and says “I’m right.”  They’re not impressed by being lectured, or by litanies of credentials.  I went to a couple of brand name schools; once I graduated, no one cared.  What made people listen to me was, ultimately, my desire to connect with them.  Courtroom antics only happen in the movies; in real life, people are a lot less persuaded by are you lying then, or are you lying now? than they are by someone who’s able to get up, talk to them like equals, and make logical sense doing so.

I’ve seen some–intellectually–brilliant lawyers fail, because they focused on what should work rather than on what works.  They read, and reread case law rather than reading social cues.  They wanted to tell other people how they should think, rather than meet them on the equal playing field of acceptance in terms of how they actually did think.  Of how everyone actually thinks.  Because, regardless of our social background or education level, we’re all pretty much the same.  If you wouldn’t like something done to you, then don’t do it to somebody else.

So by the time I wrote my first novel, I had a fairly keen understanding of the fact that good communication isn’t communication that follows the rules–although you need to know the rules, in order to deviate from them successfully–but communication that works.  Just like the measure of your strength as a litigator is how well you convince the jury (or, occasionally, just the judge), the measure of your strength as a writer is how successfully you invite people in to share the contents of your head.

Any competent attorney knows the relevant case law, just like any competent writer can construct a sentence; it’s what you do with that information that counts.  What you do with that information, and what you’re using it to share.  And what, most importantly, is motivating your desire to share in the first place.

And now, for those who are still reading, a quick excerpt from Chapter One: Why You Should Self Publish, and Why You Shouldn’t:

So who should self publish?

Let’s start by talking about who shouldn’t.

First, people who aren’t good at taking criticism. Self publishing is not a way to avoid criticism. Quite the opposite! If you’re publishing with a big outfit then you can, to some extent, insulate yourself from experiences like bad reviews. The blame for everything falls directly on you. You, and no one else. And yet I’ve met more than one person who identified self publishing as a way to access the publishing world without having to deal with other people. Either because they didn’t like other people, or value their contributions, or because they suffered from some character flaw that made interacting with other people in a healthy and productive manner all but impossible.

I’ve talked to more than one writer, over time, who absolutely blew up the first time I suggested changing a paragraph, or even correcting typos. Responded to me in a way that can only be described as the verbal equivalent of Peter Griffin versus the chicken. And was shocked, absolutely shocked, when I responded by not wanting to work with them.

Listen: if you’re entitled, or rude, or have such a brittle ego that you erupt in nonsensical rage every time someone questions you, then the answer is to fix those problems. Stop wasting your energy looking for a place where they’re okay; they’re not okay, and there’s no industry that rewards people for being such bags of dicks that no one will work with them.

Writing may be a fun job, but it’s still a job. The nature of how you publish your writing doesn’t change this. You might not have to interact with as many people on a daily basis as, say, your average Starbucks barista but you will still have to interact with people: with editors, with other writers if you’re hoping they’ll blurb your books. With the people at Amazon, and potentially also at Smashwords, and CreateSpace. And yes, these are companies—but companies staffed by real people, who have wants and needs and priorities, just like you. Who can help you or hurt you in your success, and who will be much less invested in your success if you treat them like your slaves.

Your ability to connect with other writers, moreover, will greatly enhance—or, conversely, hurt—your potential for success. At every echelon, there aren’t that many of us out there. A professor of mine, back in law school, gave our class a speech about how reputation was everything. Years later, I still remember that speech, because everything he said in it turned out to be true. People remember who’s rude, who steals ideas, and who’s just generally a misery to work with.

And while you may think that self publishing is a great way to avoid people, because there’s no structured agent or publisher relationship, the opposite is true. Because now, instead of having a team of people behind you, you have…you. You’re responsible for everything: planning, marketing, everything. When people decide they don’t want to work with you, that’s that. There’s no Random House backing you up, convincing them to give you another chance.

You can, of course, develop your own team; either by paying people to work with you or by developing, over time, a team of people with whom you can barter for goods and services. There are a lot of us out there who have these kinds of relationships, both formal and informal. We help each other, because we’re stronger together. And, in time, you can build up a network of mutual support rivaling that found in the most powerful publishing house. But again, that takes you back to the same square one you were at when you decided not to query agents: to succeed with people, you have to convince them that you’re someone they want to work with.

Which, for self published authors, means convincing them entirely on the strength of your own merit.

There is absolutely no way to succeed in this business without interacting with people.

Self Publishing Guide: Blurb and Cover Reveal (and News!)

We’re doing a Kickstarter!  I’ll post details when we have them (our Kickstarter isn’t live yet), but after careful consideration we’ve decided that if someone can raise 55K for potato salad then we can raise a few bucks to put out our self publishing guide.  Publishing a book is expensive–and we have toddlers!  So if I and my amazeballs better half are going to achieve our dream of over a million published words by New Year’s (words we’ve mostly already written, by the way), then we’re going to need your help.  I’m going to tell you, too, that the rewards we’re offering for this Kickstarter are phenomenal.  Just wait until you see them.

But in the meantime, our blurb and cover reveal…

 

Do you dream of making a living as a writer?

Great! Because Self Publishing Is For Losers: The Evil Toad Press Guide To Self Publishing is your blueprint for how to do exactly that.

There are a lot of books out there, which teach you how to format your e-book, or get the most out of this month’s popular print on demand platform. Or which promise immediate sales, using gimmicky and often dishonest tactics. But this is the only book, which lays out, step by step, how to transform your fantasies of a writer’s life into the real deal. How to actually make a meaningful living, over the long term, from the fruits of your artistic labors. From understanding the nuances of the publishing process to marketing your book—successfully, and for free—to developing a business plan that will actually work for you, rather than against you, this is the advice you need when you’re ready for the next step. When you’re ready, not just to publish a book but to embark on a new career.

Success in this—or any—field takes hard work. And it isn’t automatic. You need a good book, a solid work ethic, and the willpower to translate that solid work ethic into more good books. But if you’re ready to work hard, and to take some, at times, hard advice, then you’re ready for The Evil Toad Press Guide To Self Publishing.

From the Author:

I Look Like This Because I’m A Writer, this guide’s companion volume, teaches you how to craft a story that will captivate your readers. From generating ideas to finding your authentic voice to crafting genuine-sounding dialogue, it takes you from blank page to finished manuscript. The Evil Toad Press Guide To Self Publishing is what takes you from finished manuscript to royalty payments that can actually cover your electric bill.

As most successful writers will tell you, writing the book is the easy part.

Being in business for yourself is what’s hard. But as an author, particularly as an indie author, you are. Your books are your business; your goals for when and how to publish them, your business plan. Most of us hear the word “business” and want to go running; we aren’t, after all, writing books because we love to crunch numbers. But the truth is that even if you’re making a living off of your creativity you still have to make a living—and that means mastering the business side of life. The good news, though, is that doing so doesn’t have to be a soul-sucking exercise in pain. It can be liberating, and wonderful, and fun.

Keep reading, and I’ll prove it to you.

A Dictionary of Fools–Blurb and Cover Reveal

 

Here is the second volume in The House of Light and Shadow, the magnificent cycle of novels that begins with The Price of Desire and tells the story of Kisten Mara Sant, the naval commander and prince who must face life in exile.

When he was given governorship of Tarsonis, the war-torn mining outpost on the edge of nowhere, Kisten was given a virtual death sentence. Tensions have been mounting since his arrival, and his new home now rests on the brink of disaster. The Brotherhood, the Tarsoni group opposed to Alliance rule, is fomenting rebellion. A rebellion that plans the death of every Alliance-born man, woman and child on the planet. An insidious infection that reaches from the lowest of the low to the highest echelons of power. Kisten himself risks losing his governorship, his life, and the life of his young wife. A girl-turned-woman, who continues to wrestle with her own demons. He must act, before it’s too late—all while hiding a secret that, if discovered, could tear him and Aria apart.

This is a tale of love, lust, degradation, and the horror that is war.

Coming soon from Evil Toad Press!

Writing Religion

pjfoxwrites:

“Coming out” as a Mormon.

Originally posted on James Cormier:

My first novel comes out in about a week.  I’m nervous, for a variety of reasons, but a big one is that the story and the world include more than a little religion, and I’m not sure how readers will respond to it.  I’m self-aware enough to realize that this is probably my own insecurities at work more than anything else, but that doesn’t make the nervousness go away.

I was raised Catholic; I went to 12 years of Catholic school.  By the time I graduated from high school I had developed, for lack of a better term, a kind of allergy to organized religion.  The reasons behind this are legion, but suffice it to say that I grew up in a very parochial and narrow-minded environment where to be something other than a white, (mostly) Irish Catholic was to be just that–Other.  I was a proud atheist for many…

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On Writing for a Living

Writing a guide–whether a guide to writing itself, or a guide to the world of writing as a career–is to some extent practicing the art of telling people what they don’t want to hear.  What, indeed, it makes them very angry to hear.  Most people, when they approach the idea of writing full time, want to be told that this profession is both accessible and easy.  That it’s always creatively fulfilling.  They don’t want to be told that it’s a job like any other.  And that, as with any job, you have to get up every day and do it.  Whether you want to or not.

I think much of the unprofessionalism I’ve encountered, and that many other writers have encountered, in this business stems from this belief among writers that writing shouldn’t be “real” work.  That they’d be somehow cheapening themselves, if they admitted to any need for being professional.  But as I point out in the self publishing guide, “it’s absolutely fine to treat writing like a hobby….  But you can’t treat something like a hobby and at the same time expect it to succeed for you like a business.  Success, in any field, will only come as the result of your total commitment.”  And therein lies the rub: you can’t have it both ways.

People are often surprised and discouraged to hear that I treat writing like a job.  That I have a set schedule, every day, and that I follow said schedule.  That I don’t head outside to enjoy the sunshine when it’s particularly beautiful, telling myself that this will “inspire me.”  These kinds of diversions seem, to me, to involve much of the same self-directed dishonesty as putting things on your expense account that really aren’t supposed to be there.  You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that that Mont Blanc pen was a necessary business expense, but your power to convince yourself of something can’t alter your reality.

I spend lots of time outside–just not during working hours.  By the end of this year, if all goes according to plan, I’ll have over 900,000 words published.  And that’s not because I’m such a fantastic writer, or because the inspiration fairy came along and tapped me on the head.  It is, rather, because I wake up every morning and write.  And then keep writing.  Sometimes I get it right the first time, and sometimes I don’t.  But I don’t give up.

To get good at anything, whether writing or basketball, you have to keep practicing.  You have to commit.  Complete and total commitment is scary, because it’s a risk, but you can’t succeed without it.  When it comes to directing the course of your own life, there are no half measures.

I think a lot of writers would be much happier if they acknowledged that what they really want is for writing to be a hobby.  And we’d all be a lot happier if we acknowledged that hobbies are a wonderful, vital thing.  You don’t need to make money at something, or do it for a living, for it to have value to you.  Rather, the value–in whatever you’re doing–should be there regardless of any economic incentives.  Like the old adage goes, find something you’d be doing anyway and then get someone to pay you for it.  But what that really means, and people forget this, is that you have to find something you’d want to do for eight, ten, or twelve hours a day regardless if anyone paid you.  Something that’s so completely, overwhelmingly awesome that you literally can’t stop yourself from doing it.

I have a lot of hobbies, and the reason I’m not pursuing any of them as a career is because I don’t have that drive.  That compulsion.  The only thing I have that compulsion about is writing.  In my case, I realized that I had to make a go of this writing thing, because it was the only thing that excited me enough to ignite my inner workaholic.

THE ONE GUY THAT EVERY GAY MAN NEEDS IN HIS LIFE

Originally posted on THE MODERN GAY GUIDE TO LIFE:

There is a special type of man that every gay guy needs in his life. This type of guy is an essential partner who can make the arduous journey through life that that little bit more pleasant. He will be there to console you during your breakups, dance with you to cheesy diva music on a night out and offer you advice from a completely unique perspective. He is the type of guy that you can talk to about things you can’t with your other guy friends and although you may say, “I love you” to each other, it is a very different type of love. There is a special type of man that every gay guy needs in his life and that is a straight male best friend.

It takes a straight man with special qualities to bestfriend a gay guy. The first quality required is an unwavering comfort in…

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