Chris Rodell's Blog, page 25
June 20, 2019
Wrecked my car, ripped my shirt; life lessons from a colossally bad day
(875 words)
The caller had heard what had happened and broke right in with urgent questions: Was anybody hurt? Were ambulances summoned? Did EMTs deploy the Jaws of Life.
I assured him he was over-reacting. Everyone was fine, the loss would be overcome. And, jeez, who’d use the Jaws of Life to remove an able-bodied man from a ripped shirt?
“Ripped shirt?” he said. “I heard you were
The caller had heard what had happened and broke right in with urgent questions: Was anybody hurt? Were ambulances summoned? Did EMTs deploy the Jaws of Life.
I assured him he was over-reacting. Everyone was fine, the loss would be overcome. And, jeez, who’d use the Jaws of Life to remove an able-bodied man from a ripped shirt?
“Ripped shirt?” he said. “I heard you were
June 12, 2019
Pondering "sober curious" movement after a weekend in Athens, Ohio
(593 words)
I was this weekend the focus of on odd male custom where men who love you most and think you’re going to die in, say, 5 years, gather to engage in the wanton misbehaviors that could kill you in 2 nights.
I survived and made it home where I’m loved by even sober folk.
The weekend reinforces my contention that my popularity with any group surges in direct correlation to how
I was this weekend the focus of on odd male custom where men who love you most and think you’re going to die in, say, 5 years, gather to engage in the wanton misbehaviors that could kill you in 2 nights.
I survived and made it home where I’m loved by even sober folk.
The weekend reinforces my contention that my popularity with any group surges in direct correlation to how
June 7, 2019
My commencement speech draws raves
342/701
I’ve been nervous before other important talks, mostly because I had brought along a lot of books and was hoping for a sell out.
Last night at the Adelphoi Ketterer Charter School, I was concerned about an entirely different kind of sell out.
I was worried about selling out the future!
You’re forgiven if the inherent audacity of that last sentence has confused you into
I’ve been nervous before other important talks, mostly because I had brought along a lot of books and was hoping for a sell out.
Last night at the Adelphoi Ketterer Charter School, I was concerned about an entirely different kind of sell out.
I was worried about selling out the future!
You’re forgiven if the inherent audacity of that last sentence has confused you into
May 31, 2019
Hooray! It's time for tweets of the month!
Sometimes I think my tweets are maturing while I am not. Some profound stuff here. And for the second month in a row, not one fart joke! It concerns me because I know if they ever learn how to fix a leaky faucet my wife is gonna leave me for the tweets.
Follow me at 8days2Amish!
Foto is of the fraudulent address label's I've used since 2008 when I wrote this, my fourth post ever.
Follow me at 8days2Amish!
Foto is of the fraudulent address label's I've used since 2008 when I wrote this, my fourth post ever.
May 30, 2019
Golfing with my handicaps
(675 words)
It is said with an earnest concern I find humbling, which is why I feel ashamed when I respond with jackass humor whenever someone asks me if because of my condition I’m unable to golf.
“No, I can’t,” I say. “I can’t drive. I can’t putt. My short game is appalling. So, no, I cannot golf.”
I let that sink in a moment before delivering the punchline most of you saw coming a
It is said with an earnest concern I find humbling, which is why I feel ashamed when I respond with jackass humor whenever someone asks me if because of my condition I’m unable to golf.
“No, I can’t,” I say. “I can’t drive. I can’t putt. My short game is appalling. So, no, I cannot golf.”
I let that sink in a moment before delivering the punchline most of you saw coming a
May 23, 2019
Random thoughts on blog birthday
Today is this blog’s 11th Birthday. Can you believe it? I know some of you think I should give the blog the day off to celebrate, but the blog can’t be trusted. Were that to happen, I’m pretty sure it would spend the day drinking in the Tin Lizzy and you know what that’ll lead to come 10 p.m. — Here come the hookers! Honestly, I don’t know where that sort of shiftless behavior comes from.
May 20, 2019
Monday riddles of life/colonoscopies
(678 words)
Sorry to start your week off with a riddle, but what begins at the bottom, has 5 feet, and ends back at the beginning?
A Monday blog about your colonoscopy!
Haven’t had one?
Then someone somewhere soon is about to advise you it’s time.
It could save your life. The procedure can both detect and remove pre-cancerous polyps that kill 51,000 Americans a year. That’s a
Sorry to start your week off with a riddle, but what begins at the bottom, has 5 feet, and ends back at the beginning?
A Monday blog about your colonoscopy!
Haven’t had one?
Then someone somewhere soon is about to advise you it’s time.
It could save your life. The procedure can both detect and remove pre-cancerous polyps that kill 51,000 Americans a year. That’s a
May 10, 2019
Latrobe Bulletin announces my next book
(430/539 words)
Okay, the admission may lead you to conclude I’m a rube, but I still get a kick out of seeing my name and picture in the local newspaper. So thank you Steve Kittey and The Latrobe Bulletin for yesterday’s front page splash.
Of course my favorite part is the picture, one I don’t recall taking, haven’t ever seen before and haven’t the foggiest idea how it was secured fir
Okay, the admission may lead you to conclude I’m a rube, but I still get a kick out of seeing my name and picture in the local newspaper. So thank you Steve Kittey and The Latrobe Bulletin for yesterday’s front page splash.
Of course my favorite part is the picture, one I don’t recall taking, haven’t ever seen before and haven’t the foggiest idea how it was secured fir
May 6, 2019
Will I become the last unemployed American?
(753 words)
News that the unemployment rate has descended to 3.6 percent has me wondering if I’ll be the last unemployed man left in America.
I tell people the coolest thing about me is I haven’t had a job since 1992. Then I tell them the most disturbing thing about me is I haven’t had a job since 1992.
The opposing statements are both equally true.
People say they drive past the
News that the unemployment rate has descended to 3.6 percent has me wondering if I’ll be the last unemployed man left in America.
I tell people the coolest thing about me is I haven’t had a job since 1992. Then I tell them the most disturbing thing about me is I haven’t had a job since 1992.
The opposing statements are both equally true.
People say they drive past the
May 1, 2019
Can synagogue shooter sue over defective gun?
(887 words)
If I today were a publicity-mad attorney — is there any other kind? — I know exactly what I’d be doing: I’d file a defective product lawsuit against the manufacturer of the AR-type assault weapon used in the California synagogue shooting that left one dead and three wounded.
The grounds? It failed to wipe out more innocents.
One mealy coffin?
Authorities say the
If I today were a publicity-mad attorney — is there any other kind? — I know exactly what I’d be doing: I’d file a defective product lawsuit against the manufacturer of the AR-type assault weapon used in the California synagogue shooting that left one dead and three wounded.
The grounds? It failed to wipe out more innocents.
One mealy coffin?
Authorities say the
