Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 3

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

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Published on April 05, 2025 05:02

Can we discuss my washing machine issue?

On Saturday I mentioned my washing machine’s demise; it seems like whenever the discussion comes up, everyone says to get a Speed Queen!

Certainly, Rosie and Suki each have one and they love theirs! But it’s true, finding the right one that hasn’t compromised quality with bells and whistles is a challenge.

I don’t want this sort of computerized marvel, list price $6,100 (qualifies for free shipping, I should think so!):

Even my humble Whirlpool met its demise because of the stupid motherboard.

I asked ChatGPT, figuring AI would help me figure out what I should get, given my criteria. Here’s what it said:

Wringer Washers (1940s-1960s) These are much more vintage and rare but could be a fun, old-school option if you’re into retro appliances. They usually feature:A wringer (a set of rollers) for squeezing excess water out of clothes after washing.No automatic spin cycle—you manually push clothes through the wringer to remove the water.Mechanical controls that you can manually adjust for the washing process.Popular brands: Maytag, Ringer-Washers by Thor. Vintage Hand-Cranked Washers If you want an extremely retro option, hand-cranked washers were used in the early-to-mid 20th century. These are entirely manual and can be an interesting, historical piece for those looking for a truly vintage experience. You would:Crank the handle to move the agitator and wash clothes.Require no electricity at all (great for off-grid living or as a decorative piece).Popular brands: Home Laundry Machine Co., Ringer washers by Maytag.

So helpful!

I really think I’m going with this simpler model. It seems like it would be a good thing to do. It is Lent, after all. It is energy-efficient. It’s a darling color, actually.

It will be good for me — I don’t want to get too comfortable in my old age, you know? What do you think?

Let me know in the comments! Enjoy your day!

Fr. Pokorsky on Changing the World with Pure or Impure Thoughts

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Published on April 01, 2025 05:06

The secret to good cinnamon rolls isn’t the recipe; and more!

It’s been a quiet week here other than my washer breaking down (because of the motherboard, of course). Yes, I will try to find a Speed Queen. The only issue is our second-floor laundry room and lugging that rather heavy appliance up there, but it can be overcome.

I came across the word “Crafternoon” and I sort of love it. I had some friends over for some handwork and glasses of cold water, it being Lent and all. We had fun!

Still working on this Good Mouse. She’s done but she needs a hat. I was committed to using a lighter weight wool so she wouldn’t be too big, but then I went ahead and made her dress out of worsted, so it would go fast. The pattern is for overalls, but I wanted her to be a girl. I guess the overalls could have looked girly with this yarn.

I stuffed her with pure wool roving; consequently she has a little haze. She is impossibly squishy and lovable!

Baking Corner

I used to be bad, very bad, at making cinnamon rolls. Maybe I’m the only one with this problem — the only one who needs a “secret” to making good ones.

I failed for the simple reason that I always cut the log into too many slices, in an attempt to produce a greater number without the waste of a little child taking a big roll and then only eating part of it.

The way I was doing it, they didn’t rise into each other and the edges got unpleasantly crunchy, especially the ones near the edges of the pan. They weren’t like other people’s rolls! Disappointing!

I contented myself with making more babka- or wreath-like loaves rather than expose my shortcomings.

But now I understand: the log has to be cut into wide slices. That way they snug up against each other and emerge fluffy and moist. It means fewer rolls. You might have to cut them up for small kids. It’s worth it. I chalk my issues up to being that “intuitive” baker who won’t read the darn instructions.

It doesn’t matter much what recipe you use. You need a “sweet roll” recipe, which is some kind of brioche dough. That means it has enrichments like milk, butter or oil, and maybe an egg. Ricotta is good. At least milk.

You can use my sandwich dough, adding 2-4 tablespoons of butter or good-quality neutral oil (like avocado) and an egg and/or 1/3 cup of ricotta. You will likely add less milk/water than the recipe calls for with these liquidy additions, so do them first and then the milk as you mix.

Divide the dough in half. Roll each piece out and spread with brown sugar and cinnamon, mixed with butter if you like. Roll up and cut into slices — just make sure they are wide slices! That’s the key. Each roll will give you 8 slices, no more (I was always trying to do 12).

Use a well buttered pan (or two as I did) to give them room to rise but also have them close enough that they snug up against each other. You can pour some heavy cream over everything to add extra moisture and delectability; I did not do that this time and they were wonderful anyway!

I made a quick glaze with milk and powdered sugar, spreading it over them after they had cooled a little. You can certainly use cream cheese! I also used a bulb baster and basted the buttery sugar syrup that collects beneath them over the tops while everything was still pretty hot.

These were our treat for the Feast of the Annunciation! They were really tender, moist, and cinnamon-y. It’s a dry run for Easter!

bits & piecesThis little Instagram reel should give pause to anyone who argues that a “new” feminism can be implemented if only we would distribute childcare and household duties equally between men and women (and have the government pay for certain things, meaning the taxpayer of course, meaning hardworking families like the one in the reel, on whom it would be a real burden). I put “new” in quotes because it’s not new — this has been a talking point of feminism from the beginning and the past 50 years have been a failed, miserable experiment in making it happen.

It strikes me that you can identify the advocates of this aspiration — one never actually found in the wild because it goes against observable human nature from the beginning of time — as a member of that elite class of people who work at a desk, often from home, and who have flexible jobs and/or enough money to pay for all the actual tasks done in the home. Usually they are academics or work in think-tanks, and thus have regular, extended time off and a nice expendable income.

This “solution,” to stop viewing the home as, fundamentally, the women’s sphere, is proposed by those who do not grasp that it’s men who paint our buildings all day, like the dad in the reel, build our bridges, and fit our pipes. I believe that to such an ideologue, men — and it’s only men — in ditches in the road repairing broken sewer lines are quite simply invisible.

In their “solution” we don’t find the proposal that women go out on a frigid January day to dig up the street. So perhaps we ought to question its practicability. Surely they are not suggesting that these vital jobs go undone?

I personally could not eat most of the food this gracious lady is preparing, sadly — it all seems impossibly spicy to me, other than the carrots, I think! — I’m just that much of a wimp. But I appreciate the real difference her humble devotion makes and and what it contributes to our otherwise self-absorbed societal landscape. And I appreciate her good man doing a job that, but for his satisfaction in knowing his family cares for him, might feel pretty thankless. Bless them. They are the bedrock.

There are so many good books in the past, and we and our kids need to read them! It’s impossible for me to offer a comprehensive book list, though I have a few from others. Such things need to be crowd-sourced, but by people with the right standards. I have found two resources recently. One is on Facebook — as far as I’m concerned, this is the only good use of Facebook, other than Marketplace: the groups that exist for a particular pursuit, like finding out where the steam locomotives will be, fixing your old wood stove, or sharing your love for old chapter books Vintage Chapter Books for Children. The other is on Substack: Revisiting the Classics: An Introduction for Adult Readers.

Of course you have to use your common sense. Not every old book is great. (Many have been discussed here so you might do a search.) But wow, lots of wonderful suggestions on these sites!

Why Does Science Say Everything Will Kill You? A good tutorial on how to read these studies.

Queen Alexandra’s watercolour sketchbook — inspiration for your young artist?

from the archivesA podcast I did quite a while ago with Eric Sammons on the Incompatibility of Feminism and Catholicism (I hadn’t realized it was going to be video, so please excuse… that part of it!)Tired Husbands

liturgical living

Blessed Berthold of Mount Carmel

Tomorrow is Laetare Sunday, the Fourth Sunday of Lent and the halfway mark of our journey. To listen to the chant of the Introit which gives this Sunday its name, and read interesting commentary, go here.

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

You’re doing too much for your toddler!

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Published on March 29, 2025 09:21

In which I finally hang a picture in the Chief’s study, and more!

Blogging and sharing on social media has really changed in the 18 years I’ve been doing it!

It got easier to share things and then suddenly a lot of “influencers” and professional DIYers got on board. I get a lot of inspiration from some of them, for sure.

But one result is that the things I used to share without thinking about it give me pause now.

The reason is because I don’t stage things and I don’t make my choices based on how things will look. I remember thinking, when one such person said her decision to make everything white in her kitchen was based on how it looks in videos online, well, I don’t know that I can do that! Another lady has everything extremely dark and moody — and yes, it does look amazing in photos. But I am not sure I personally could live with that! In real life!

Listen, they are free to do what they like!

I still learn from them. But it does make me realize I have other things to do than make my life look perfect online.

All that is a disclaimer for any imperfections — and there are indeed many! — you see in my photos. (I am the first to admit that I am blessed with a house that has character — and that’s a story in itself, how that came to be! Suffice it to say it was a lot of trust and prayer, and really, looking back, I’d say one of those little miracles that God bestows on His little fools.)

I guess I’m still back in the “sharing what I’m doing” era; the “if I can do it, so can you!” vibe I started with.

If your overall impression is something like “wow, I could totally do that, even better!” then my work here is done!

Anyway, all of which is to say that for a good long time the Chief’s study has been decorated up to our medium standards, thanks to Bridget painting it back when she was here after graduating from college.

I even put up a bunch of pictures and things on the walls, and got nice bamboo shades which is a triumph over my serious window-treatment-deficit disorder.

But what to put over the fireplace?

He really wanted something more inspiring, spiritually, than merely decorative. But the space is big. And it needed to be something with a vertical orientation.

Finally we brought this Our Lady of Guadalupe in from the living room (and it’s a second-class relic, having been touched to the tilma) and that fit the bill for him. It just leaned there for the longest time while I tried to figure out how to hang it. “Just bang a nail in, Auntie Leila!”

I know, right? But it’s a bit heavy, and there’s brick back there… plus the overthinking…

After visiting the Orchard House in Concord MA (a must-see if you’re in the area), I took the idea of hanging it from a cord this way, which I think adds to the impact.

Now that fabric stores with notions and ribbons and sundries are a thing of the past, it was nigh impossible to find the cording I wanted, but I figured that this brown velvet ribbon would work.

Basically, I’m here to say that these things can take time, perhaps even a quarter of a century. I bet they won’t take you as long as they take me!

So now the image is up and I love it, and so does he. I think I would have done it differently if it were for the online impact, but in person it looks just right.

And what is that thing on the right there? The wooden box with the sort of curtain? It’s an observation hive (not active at the moment). You can put bee frames in it and the bees will fly in and out through a tube and you can watch them safely. I wrote about it here. And that was all before the study got its update — but the vintage fabric on the hive goes perfectly!

Knitting Corner

I’m coming along with this little mouse… (when I ordered it, it was on sale FYI)

I’m using sock yarn instead of the heavier yarn the pattern calls for, to result in a smaller mouse. I love it already.

I’m heading out to the garden! Lots of cleanup to do! How about you?

bits & piecesLong-time readers will remember a couple of “book club” series I had here back in the day. I recently rewrote something I think is of the utmost importance to understand about what we really seek in worship: Life’s Center of Gravity

The Brownstone Institute has been excellent at analyzing incursions on our freedoms. They have a series for the fifth anniversary of the lockdowns. It’s a lot. But it all has to be remembered and revisited for the sake of not forgetting!

I love this substack and this real rabbit-hole in all its glory: the bookplates of Margaret Ely Webb. I encourage you to seek out books by this illustrator! This Ex Libris account is a great place for cleansing the palate of the trend of today’s awful illustrations. It’s like we are intent on deforming our children’s imaginations and aesthetic formation.

As you know, I am unalterably opposed to in vitro fertilization and think it should be made illegal across the board. It’s a nefarious effort to plunge us into transhumanism and to monetize human persons. Let’s not be fooled again with yet another assault on life and love. There isn’t a lot of money in good medicine to help people with infertility in a moral way, but a reader sent along this information about FACTS — Facts About Fertility. Natural family planning, so called, is the way forward to helping married couples conceive.

By the way, this lovely book is coming soon (and if you preorder, it seems like you can get a discount right now). It’s about St. Hildegard, with many beautiful images of the plants she would have used in her medicinal array.

I wrote the foreword for it! I hope it will help people understand that it’s our loss if we regard this saint and her time as benighted or somehow beneath our interest. She’s amazing, she’s a Doctor of the Church, and we have a lot to learn from her!

from the archivesAn apologia for pragmatism — why I think we enable our misery by continually revisiting all the reasons for detaching from the ideologies of equality.

liturgical living

Blessed Clemens August von Galen, Bishop of Münster

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

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Published on March 22, 2025 07:49

A completely different look at children’s Church behavior; Knitting; Links!

Behavior Corner

Children really do have to learn how to behave, and they have to learn how to behave across the board, including in Church. Yes, children misbehave and we need to be tolerant, but also yes, they should try not to and we can get them in a better position.

Everyone has their strategies for Church (I do too), but step back for a minute.

Let’s not talk about that part of it. Let’s talk about the big picture.

How can we ask a little tike who does not really know what happens when you go out of the room, or anything about when the next meal is, or where his clothing that’s on his body comes from, to sit still and not holler for an hour once every seven days?

So, long before we get into strategies and tactics, we have to address daily acclimation to the quite foreign notion that this little bundle of energy coupled with ignorance can and will rein himself in.

Obviously it will take some time, and at first a lot of it will be you, the parent, not expecting too much… but also expecting more and more… discipline, thought of as normal experience in self control and awareness of others.

The prevailing ideology today is permissiveness and placation masquerading as “gentle parenting.”* Parents are deathly afraid of being judged and for the most part, try to placate children instead of simply teaching them, in a developmentally appropriate manner, to notice the world around them and to meet reasonable expectations, including by using sharp words and even a spank now and again.

*Or the equally ridiculous reaction, where small children are rigidly disciplined with no insight on the part of parents at all; however, this is much less common.

Honestly, we expect more of our dogs than of our kids.

But no “trainer” is going to come and get your child into shape, nor would you want that, of course.

Instead, build into your daily life with your child times when he has to sit still, listen to you, not speak, and pay attention to what is going on outside of himself. Alternated, of course, with running around outside and yelling their heads off. Again, these are the little things of life.

During the day, the expectation that a three-year-old can start learning not to burst into a room shouting; an eighteen-month-old can sit in a stroller for a walk; a two-year-old can imitate your whisper; a six-year-old can sit for a lesson.

This is why I say it’s important to ask him to put on a jacket when going outside, if the weather requires it. He can take it off later, but honestly, do you not see that this is training? We are living in a world where we don’t have to wear one thing we don’t want to, but is that healthy? How will he behave at a funeral or wedding? How will getting out the door on the day of an important event play out if every normal day is Mom giving in?

Toddlers don’t want to put on their jackets and mittens or put on their shoes or what have you. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but actually, a lot of times it does. He has to have practice for the times it does! It’s unfair to expect obedience in important things when you never require it otherwise.

There is a way to make it “just what we do” and not a struggle. I know there is because generations of children did it… and no, they weren’t “repressed”! They had far less emotional difficulties than children today do. Stability and knowing what’s require of one go a long way to mental health, actually.

Why would we adopt the standards of a society that has so clearly failed its children? Why would we follow their advice?

Practice in little things so you can reasonably expect big things.

I can’t even get into the issue of how weird our society has become with the bottom falling out of normal interactions in public — instead of going to the grocery store or post office and seeing and dealing with lots of people in a pleasant manner, we just do everything by clicking. I am not sure how our kids are going to learn how to greet the postman or not clamor for treats in some building out and about. We have to think about it…

My main point here is to be sure to have each day require something of your child — with cheerfulness and a sense of confidence — at various points, so that on Sunday he’s not suddenly expected to sit up in his church clothes and be quiet, with no practice.

“Now it’s time to put these toys away and get ready for lunch. I’ll help you.”

“Go back out and come in again without slamming the door, and speak in a lower voice!”

“Please ask to be excused.”

“Now it’s time to rest quietly.”

You have to practice too. You have to ask it of yourself. It’s called being a responsible parent!

Knitting Corner

I finished the socks last week and started a couple of things in that antsy way when you can’t really settle down. I’m trying not to buy more yarn right now, and the effort of fitting a pattern I want to do with the yarn I have is making me unsettled.

The socks:

The kitty (I got hung up on the short rows but I think I’m past it — the pattern didn’t make sense to me but I’m just plowing through):

[image error]

The Good Mouse (I’m using some of the yarn I have, from the Musselburgh hats).

Another pair of scrappy socks for a child, but… who?

Those two projects (to give a grandiose name) are outside by the fire — today is maple sap boiling day! — so I can’t show you, but I will probably post on Instagram and catch up next week.

bits & piecesHave your children ever built this sort of thing? So fun!

The fading art of hand embroidery –– for liturgical vestments; we women have to keep these beautiful crafts alive!

For your high school student: A good primer on causes, from a scientific and philosophical point of view.

By the way, every once in a while I have to remind you of this book, speaking of science and philosophy: Vestige of Eden, Image of Eternity: Common Experience, the Hierarchy of Being, and Modern Science by Daniel Toma (affiliate link)

I remember reading in Annie Dillard’s book, An American Childhood, her memory of her mother exclaiming “check the oxygen!” — it relates to this sad episode and amazing discovery by a brave doctor: Excessive oxygen as cause of blindness in premature infants. It’s an important memory, because the ophthalmologist Dr. Arnall Patz, didn’t follow “settled science” but made his own observations and saved babies from blindness.

from the archivesSelf Control and Where to Get It

The Bossiness Cure

liturgical living

St. Louise de Marillac

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Good Mouse, by Susan B. Anderson

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Published on March 15, 2025 08:27

How to teach your young children obedience; a thrifty update; and more!

How can you teach your toddler to obey?

Children need to learn obedience. Obedience is really self control, because it means not giving into one’s passions but instead following authority; the authority in turn follows the truth and what is good for the child and for everyone. (In other words, the authority doesn’t act arbitrarily.)

So a big part of learning to obey is learning self control.

To learn self control, the little child needs patterns.

To the child, there is no inkling, not a hint, that the day will take a turn and we will find ourselves eating supper.

The toddler has no clue that the playground can be found, quite reliably, down the street.

Certainly a big baby can’t even imagine what you could be doing when you are out of his sight, or that you even exist at all.

So before a child can obey, there is so much he has to learn about, well, everything!

The wise mother doesn’t see these things as separate: the daily patterns and the learning of obedience. She sees them as one. She doesn’t just move her child from one place, one thing he has to do, to another. She sees getting him out of his crib in the morning as a chance to awaken him to how this day is like the others, what we will do next, and how their bond will create trust in him eventually to obey her.

“Let’s get your diaper changed and some nice clothes on so we can go have breakfast! One, Two, Buckle my SHOE!”

Divide your day into “units” so you’re not both just wandering aimlessly through it. Have a purpose for each unit, including rest.

The pattern of the day with its quieter times and its more active ones offers many opportunities for cooperation, trust, and learning self control, that lead to the habit of obedience. Here are some examples (and I’m thinking of an 18-24-month-old):

“Run and put this dirty diaper into the trash for me, please!”

“Please hand me the baby’s blanket.”

“Dash over there and get me some diapers and the wipes.”

(The new baby is a great way to establish the idea that your toddler exists to run and do things for you.)

“It’s nap time now; up the stairs we go, [singing] Go to sleep, little baby, Go to sleep, little baby, Your mama’s gonna sway, And your daddy’s gonna pray, Won’t you close your eyes, little baby?”*

“You want to read a book? Yes, let’s! First put this truck back on the shelf.”

“Soon it will be time to get things ready for Daddy! Want to play outside while you’re waiting?”

Remember to say, long before you are barking out a command and expecting compliance, “You know, it’s good to obey Mama! When I say to do something, you say, ‘Yes, Mama'” and do it — such a good boy.” The best time to say this, lovingly, is occasionally as he is actually doing what you asked.

*Nursery rhymes are crucial for so many things, establishing patterns being one of them!

It’s better for you to ask for something even if you can do it yourself, if you see it as a moment where an aimless little kid can gain a sense of purpose.

As you go through the day, he starts to interpret your warning voice and connect it with something he shouldn’t do. Of course he wants to do it anyway! That’s the passionate toddler in action!

If it’s something merely naughty, mother doesn’t panic. She remembers he needs a pattern, takes into account his age and development by standing above and separate from him, not letting him get under her skin, and keeps correcting, over and over.

Firmly. Explain a bit but then just rely on calm firmness. She realizes that most of the time he literally has no idea what’s going to happen. A mess is to be expected. “That’s naughty!” is the proper response if it really was naughty. If it’s just something inconvenient, well, do your best!

If it’s something legitimately dangerous, she acts swiftly. No, you don’t have to explain as he reaches for the electrical outlet or is about to pull something heavy on himself! You can yell and even deliver a spank if the circumstance warrants it (i.e. he has been told before). And because of the trust built in the other little interactions, the germ of an idea grows in his mind: that he must obey.

Anyway, I’ve been getting a lot of comments and mail from moms of littles on this topic. Teaching obedience takes a long time in a lot of cases (especially with boys): obedience doesn’t come from a vacuum. It comes out of the relationship you build on the foundation of the little things you do all day long.

Grocery-Store Herbs Corner

I think the rosemary is dying, but I got some basil at the grocery store and divided up — there are like 12 or more little plants in that one container, for $3!

I have had this little terracotta pot for ages (mug for scale) — it’s so little, and has no drainage (not that I would know what to put under it), so whatever I plant in it dies immediately. But it’s darling and my hopes refuse to be dashed.

I never could figure it out until I had the idea to cut one of those plastic six-pack seedling cells in half lengthwise. I divided the basil plants up in it, smushing it in the planter. It fits right inside and I think this will work! I also cut the basil way back.

I have repeatedly affirmed that I am not an indoor plant person but this is making me happy. Even if it doesn’t make it. It’s only $3! You can’t even buy three eggs for $3.

Thrifting Corner

I put this on Instagram but I thought I would show you here too.

Here is one of the items I told you about last week: a beautifully made, high quality 100% merino cardigan:

But I didn’t like the buttons.

They are metal and really quite ugly!

So I replaced them with pretty shell ones from my stash, that however do not photograph well as they are so shiny!

Maybe this helps you see how just changing the buttons can really change something from a bit frumpy to really special! Or maybe you have to see it in person to get it!

So much chitchat: Lent, thrifting, knitting, sourdough, links…

So much to talk about this week!

What to say first…

Lenten Corner

If you are following my School for Housewives Substack (free posts! Substack does require me to ask for subscriptions because it’s how they keep it ad-free, but my posts are always free), you have seen my little reminders that Lent is coming and the mother in the home is the one who keeps it all on track.

I have a lot of thoughts here and in my books for you (see the sidebar here for links) that I’ve built up over the years. My main encouragement is to talk it over with your husband, pray, and have those nice conversations this weekend with the kids to prepare them and listen to their ideas too about what the family could do.

As always, I encourage you to take the opportunity of a new liturgical season to go ahead and just begin that way of life you’ve been thinking about: establishing your little oratory, saying the Rosary (or part of it) every day or at least on Sundays, praying Vespers together (or maybe part of it).

Don’t feel abashed about the kids and what they think — they don’t really think! They accept whatever you tell them. To them, it makes sense to start afresh, and it’s a good life lesson for them and in fact the whole purpose of the Liturgical Year!

We are always being asked by God to start again; He offers these moments in the year when the whole Church turns to one aspect of the spiritual journey, offering the grace to see it through.

What else are we to teach our children but this?

Thrifting Corner

I didn’t post last week because we had Bridget visiting here during her school break (you remember she’s a teacher now, in Virginia) and then Rosie visiting with her family, so life was a whirlwind!

I took advantage of heading up to New Hampshire one day with Bridget to visit with a school chum; I dropped her off and spent an hour at the nearby thrift (Savers in Manchester) before meeting up with them.

Wow wee!

I came away with such a haul! Plus it was Senior Discount Day! 30% off! It would be hard for me to go through everything I found one by one, but it was a needed wardrobe refresh for the Chief and me.

For him: 5 good solid cotton colder-weather shirts, 2 beautiful woolen sweaters, including a gorgeous cardigan but let’s not downplay the green finely knit merino pullover, and two pairs of flannel pj pants with the tags still on:

For me: Three classy warm woolen sweaters, three lovely fine cardigans for warmer weather, and a 100% merino dress in perfect condition (that one ended up being $9!!)!

I could not be more excited. For all this I paid $100, which I feel like would have gotten me one and a half useful cotton shirts from LL Bean for Phil or one third of a merino dress for me.

This cardigan is Talbots, silk and cotton:

This is the dress — I already wore it to Mass with tights and a scarf and I just love its coziness — it just hits the top of my knee:

This is the only red garment I have ever really felt comfortable in (Banana Republic):

This wildly successful outing somewhat quelled my desire to knit a sweater just now, so I am going to focus on some smaller projects.

I got these patterns (they were both 1/2 off, not sure if that is still the case), which are darling and can use up the many scraps and leftovers I have in my stash:

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Kitty by Maria Nikulina

(These links are not sponsored)

And I’m planning on some Selbu mittens similar to the ones I made a couple of years ago (lots of colorways and patterns to explore, am hoping for bunnies) — even though I said I wouldn’t knit them again! They take so much concentration!:

It’s just hard to resist those patterns! I gave this pair to Bridget and she says they are so warm and she gets compliments whenever she wears them.

Sourdough Corner

I made my sourdough waffles as usual a few weekends ago (recipe: Overnight sourdough waffles or pancakes) but happened to have some ricotta with egg in it leftover from making a smallish lasagna, so I added that in. I have to say it is next-level! I took notes and made them again, and I think a big plus here is that you can make the recipe with 1/3 cup of ricotta and one less egg.

With eggs the price they are, this is huge, don’t you think? I will try to remember to update the recipe with the ricotta variation, but that’s basically it. Swap some ricotta for an egg!

They come out with a lovely creamy texture inside and good and crispy outside. Highly recommend:

Ask the (Blog) Audience

Dear Elizabeth writes:

Very small kitchen! Help! I was wondering if you had any practical advice or wisdom on how to deal with a very small, eat-in-kitchen (no separate dining room). It gets SO chaotic several times throughout the day… Well, all day actually. We have very limited counter space and a table that we have a bench in the back so we can push the table against the wall when it’s not time for everyone to gather. Meal times are also very hard as we are still in the “dinner with the barbarians” stage of our family life… 5 kids, age 7 and under. It’s a small house, but it is what affords me to be a stay at home mom. Sometimes I resent the small size, or feel jealous of others with dining rooms and larger homes. But I know I’m blessed and I just need to make this work!

Dear Elizabeth,

In our previous home, we had a small kitchen with a galley on one side (seriously, I had one square foot of counterspace on which to churn out my 4 Friday evening pizzas!) and the kitchen table on the other.

(It did have an old O’Keefe and Merritt gas range from maybe the early 70s that I didn’t really appreciate at the time: that thing was a workhorse for a big family, with a big oven on the bottom and a smaller one on top.)

We did have a dining room, but at the time my kids were the ages of yours I didn’t have enough chairs and we couldn’t afford more! So eating at the table in the kitchen had to work.

Phil made two benches, one of which was against the radiator (with a metal cover), against the wall. A chair for Dad, a chair for Mom. The table wasn’t good quality, being a heavy formica top on metal trestles that my mom found at some office sale, so I always had one of those vinyl, flannel-backed picnic tablecloths on it. It was wipeable at least!

That is where I came up with my “put things on the table, not the counters” strategy: in a small kitchen you can’t afford to have anything not absolutely necessary on the counters, and the table will get cleared off for meals.

Kids were assigned three to the dishwasher (when they were little) — each one got a rack/utensils. It was a priority of mine to go into each phase of the day with an empty dishwasher. Every aspect of kitchen work had a kid on it, other than washing the floor, which I did once a week without fail.

And we just had chaos! It was noisy, a lot of overstimulation, and very fun! As their bodies got big (when the older ones were adolescents), I did figure out a way to get us into the dining room, but I really have fond memories of the kitchen days, even though I was pretty clueless about the aesthetic aspect of it and probably scandalized anyone who visited!

One of my best memories is “books at the table day” (usually held the evening of “library day”) when there was blessed peace and quiet as everyone delved into their current read. At some point, Suzanne (maybe around 7 years old?) would retire to stretch out on the rug in front of the sink for full engrossment. It was before the time of cell phones, so I don’t have any pictures (I think?), but… it’s a good and fun memory!

Okay, all my readers — what do you do to stay sane in your little eat-in kitchen?

bits & piecesDon’t forget to go here for a traditional Lenten plan.

This year’s Lenten calendar from our friends at The Fig and Thimble

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to read old books and let them influence our daily lives and conversations. We are in danger of using the patterns and vocabulary of only the most recent writing, filtered through social media, and losing more precise ways of expressing ourselves. I thought this article demonstrated the value of fairy tales in expanding our experience of reality and means of conveying it.

I can’t stand the indulgent mentality of mindless entertainment, with its lurking invitation to excess, gluttony, and greed — it’s the opposite of true enjoyment and robs us of, simply put, fun. John Cuddeback writes about how to arrange things so we are having more of the latter and less of the former — and being happier.

This was a really encouraging article about mixing different weights, types, and brands of yarn in one project — very freeing!

I understand how many people at this point have entered into the IVF system in one way or another. But we have to avoid letting yet another “well, everyone is doing it or knows someone doing it” situation develop, where we mainstream immorality. If you are in this quandary — feeling like you got into it or didn’t realize or were overwhelmed by fear of infertility — or for whatever reason — the way out is simple: repent. That’s what Lent is about. I’ve had to repent of a lot of things I have done (some out of ignorance or some understandable reason), just like, well, everyone. Believe me, it’s more peaceful to be honest and acknowledge the wrong, repent, confess (to a priest, optimally) and try to make amends. Maybe start here: Made, not begotten: Why we said “No!” to in vitro fertilization

A reader sent this resource: audio versions of the 1000 Good Books, those being John Senior’s way of identifying the books a child must read or have read to him in order to have the development of mind to approach the 100 Great Books, shorthand for a life of metaphysical awareness. Neither she nor I has looked too much into it, but it might be helpful!

A fun appreciation of one of our faves, P. G. Wodehouse!

liturgical living

St. David (542-601), Bishop and patron of Wales.

Tomorrow is Quinquagesima Sunday… and then, Lent begins on Wednesday!

from the archives

Lenten thoughts: The Rule of Life

Two items for your last-minute Lent prep!

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts. It will take me a while to get things organized, but you’ll be patient, I know!

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

My podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:

Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Here is my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Frames as Thickened Edges (225)

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Published on March 01, 2025 09:24

Three features in my house that you can have too; and more!

I hesitate to hold up my house or decorating as an example, but I know from what people say that they have a certain nice feeling about it, even though my ways are so random; nor do I exert all my efforts to bring any of about (granted, the kitchen was a big exertion, but there are so many things I put off around here that I wouldn’t, if decorating were my profession or something I was hoping to “influence” with!).

This house of ours is not the usual sort of house, and I’m very aware of that. We definitely stumbled into it and are grateful for its beautiful features, that are mostly due just to when it was built, that make it special.

When I was showing the contractor for the kitchen renovation (a really skilled finish carpenter) some of my trim in other rooms, he sort of said, “Yeah, there was a guy and he just made all that.” In other words, a bygone day we’ve now gotten priced out of.

Nevertheless, I’ve learned some things from this house and I want to share them, because you can do them in your house too!

I think the general idea of decorating is to paint things. Most of the advice is on exactly what shade of neutral to pick, for instance, and you get all obsessed with that, only to feel it didn’t really make a difference, and then you try again. I see people get frustrated. No matter what color they choose, the result — in terms of the overall satisfaction with the room — is not what they were hoping for.

I want to say this:

It’s not the color, not yet.

It’s a few other things.

Get those things right, and it almost won’t matter what color you choose*; most of the colors you see in the rooms you are drooling over will look good and really benefit from painting.

*I mean I have very specific ideas about color too, but many colors look good when the trim is right.

Yes, you can hone in on the right color, but it won’t help you unless you have these three things right:

1. The trim, the molding including crown molding, the baseboards, the woodwork, really matters.

We haven’t had a Pattern Language talk in a while! This one is almost obscure until it clicks that it’s mostly about trim:

Problem
Any homogeneous membrane which has holes in it will tend to rupture at the holes, unless the edges of the holes are reinforced by thickening.

Solution
Do not consider door and window frames as separate rigid structures which are inserted into holes in walls. Think of them instead as thickenings of the very fabric of the wall itself, made to protect the wall against the concentrations of stress which develop around openings. In line with this conception, build the frames as thickenings of the wall material, continuous with the wall itself, made of the same materials, and poured, or built up, in a manner which is continuous with the structure of the wall.

I think he’s saying “poured” because he has in mind adobe or concrete or something, but I also think he’s really just talking about making the trim around your windows substantial — most of us don’t live in a concrete house!

You want to feel that the house is supported in various ways, and trim gives you that feeling.

Let’s say this: skimpy or no trim actually gives you the opposite feeling, that the house is not well built. (This is why the modern/contempo building is not really something most people love.)

You have to take into account the style of your house, of course. If you have a style from the past, you know what it is and you can look up or copy exactly how the trim should be to remedy any past renovations. Hopefully the original wasn’t “a guy” whose skill would cost a fortune to replicate, even though it was standard back in the day. And I have rooms where doors were trimmed out a bit differently from others — in the same room! — and it doesn’t bother me, because it’s all of a certain quality. (I have so many doors, for real!)

But chances are you have some sort of development house where the builder has just used stock trim, and maybe actually cut corners with it.

In that case, no wonder you are having trouble getting that settled, homey feeling that maybe you look at my pictures and wish you had! “It’s not me — it’s my trim!”

That’s a feeling I had in the kitchen before we renovated — the moldings were all very cheap, from a previous renovation.

If you look at the colors used in houses of the past or very expensive, well done houses today — if you really look — you’ll see that even daring colors look good because of how much of the wall space is taken up by moldings and trim.

That same color in a builder-grade house is going to fall flat because there will be too much of it, with too little to break it up.

Yes, these are great, invigorating colors, but they are relieved and showcased and also yet integrated by the great quantity of the trim (and furniture of all heights, drapes, etc. of course, but those cannot compensate for lack of structure).

In this room, the same color will read as “boom, a color” and not be unified with the other elements (because there are no other elements!):

Image credit

I really advise you to take it room by room and before you paint, invest in good moldings and trim with more heft to them.

If you are building your house, look at examples of trim work and be incredibly specific with your builder about how you want the moldings to be. If you don’t give him exact guidance for everything, I promise you he will default to whatever is cheapest.

A lot of it can be DIY’d. The internet is actually full of advice on this! (And looking at my house, I see it’s almost impossible to overdo it.)

For instance, I think this DIY trim is pretty classic and really does transform the room.

All this goes for baseboards too. I learned in previous projects that toe kicks and quarter-round molding exist mostly to hide poor work installing the flooring. If you must have something (e.g. you are installing a new flooring above the old one), avoid quarter-round totally.

As I always say, train your eye — which means, make your Pinterest boards, examine older styles and high-end new ones, compare and contrast. It’s amazing how intricate and particular this subject is!

But the main point in case you haven’t gotten it yet is simply to be sure, before you paint, that your trims are substantial.

2. Wall sconces.

The lighting in my 1860s house was installed at some point in the early 20th century, and most rooms have a pretty random smattering of sconces and no overhead lights at all.

(I should change out that light switch plate and I would if I had the energy.)

But living with them taught me that wall sconces are vital to providing nice, homey lighting.

Most decorators tell you to avoid overhead lights, but gosh, you need some light! Sconces are the answer. In the kitchen, I do have ceiling lights (not as many as the electrician wanted), but the sconces are what make it feel homey right off the bat.

You can install ones that have a cord. If you are redoing the electric or building, by all means go for the sconces. You will not regret it.

3. Incandescent lights

No paint color will look nice, nothing will look nice, you will just never be happy, if you have LEDs in your fixtures. Please do not with your “warm yellow” or other lies.

Put LEDs in your closets, put them in the basement storage, but if you want a good cozy life without depression and anxiety, you will have to go unscrew them from your lamps and chandeliers. I’m telling it to you straight.

My house feels homier than yours and my colors seem nicer because I have incandescent lights. LEDs make every color look dead. Simple as.

Soon you are going to see them in the stores, as America becomes Great Again. For now, you can order them from Amazon. It’s always changing, so you just have to do a search — “rough use” will often help turn results up. I will try to put my sources in the comments. Sometimes you can get incandescent chandelier lights at the store, which is very nice.

And they don’t make it easy because sometimes you search for incandescents and the LEDs still come up! But scrutinize the information, keep looking, you can find them.

BONUS:

4. Lamps.

I got this one on the side of the road, and it turned out to be a colossal pain to figure out a shade for! But in the end this is how it turned out:

Every room where people sit should have at least three lamps — and then you can have your sconces too. You can actually find nice lamps often at the thrift store, depending on where you live. The shades are trickier.

I very modestly and with great humility, knowing all my shortcomings, think people like coming into my living room or den because there are lamps in there! Not because of any great expertise or style on my part!

bits & piecesA thoughtful piece about how children learn: Should Children Reason?. I’m not sure if I agree with all of it (I’m not sure the author has clarified all her observations), but I always think it’s a good idea to consider how a child is quite independent of us. We can help him learn things but we can’t make him do it.The frame really affects how we perceive a painting — and that’s a metaphor for everything, really, especially the work we do as homemakers.I don’t know anything about this classical art school firsthand, but I’m passing along David Clayton’s mention of it (note he has a Substack now).We Still Need Paper Maps This Substack offers original recordings — in this case, of C. S. Lewis reading his own work.

from the archivesHow to encourage good conversational habits in children Devotion to home instead of subjection to the world

liturgical living

St. Claude de la Colombiere

Tomorrow is the start of Septaugesima, the liturgical season that offers preparation for Lent. To learn more about it, go here.

“On one occasion Pope Paul VI compared the complex made up of Septuagesima, Lent, Holy Week and Easter Triduum, to the bells calling people to Sunday Mass. The ringing of them an hour, a half-hour, fifteen and five minutes before the time of Mass has a psychological effect and prepares the faithful materially and spiritually for the celebration of the liturgy.”

For a guided spiritual reading and thoughtful traditional accompaniment, go to the IRIA Foundation. (Just note that it’s based in Australia, so can be a little confusing as to which day it is! But the priest who runs it, Fr. Mark Withoos, is a friend of ours and very dedicated to helping people recover tradition!)

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts. It will take me a while to get things organized, but you’ll be patient, I know!

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

My podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:

Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Here is my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

This Italian grandfather has a beautiful Rule of Life, beginning with gratitude to God every morning, for another day, for those we love, and for His goodness.

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Published on February 15, 2025 09:02

Idle chitchat; the Rule of Life should be peaceful; links!

The Rule of Life

For a wife and mother, the Rule of Life should be quite simple.

We really don’t have to make what we do first thing in the morning into a test of character, launching ourselves into time management before we have a chance to breathe.

Goodness knows enough necessities will present themselves right away, and unless you live entirely alone, others have to be attended to. For mothers, there’s hardly a moment to spare!

Even if you do have to head out the door right away, try to make some time at some point in the morning for this First Moment of Gratitude.

Another aspect of that grandfather’s Rule that I loved is his appreciation of nature: the garden, the weather, the birds. Some of us are about to be hit with a snowstorm; others have had plenty of gloomy days; I think some readers here are in high mid-summer!

But Nonno is right. It’s all a gift from God. Everything given is good. Sometimes the best way to start the day is with simple, uncomplicated thanksgiving for things as they are.

I think maybe picking up our phones and scrolling has substituted for something we actually need in our approach to the day. We tend to think in dichotomies, to present ourselves with stark either/or’s — but whose are they?: either wake up early to perform some onerous, stressful duty, like intense meditation imposed by some devotion that might be rather overwhelming, or zone out. So naturally, we are tempted to zone out.

Perhaps, though, what we need is attentiveness to what must be done (certainly it wouldn’t do to ignore the clamoring hungry babies and/or animals) and also some time to slide gently into wakefulness, with peaceful gratitude and quiet praise. Even if that moment comes a bit later.

I would also argue, in this hectic world of ours, for prioritizing sleep. I wrote about the Rule of Life here, and to quote myself,

If the Rule of Life that someone else is following allows her only a handful of hours of sleep a day (and I recently saw this), I can assure you that this rule is not for you. Without knowing you at all, I can guarantee you that it’s not for you!

Sometimes having a few minutes (or 20) to knit or read or wander out in the garden, if that’s the season, with our tea, are better opportunities for prayer than forcing ourselves to “think higher thoughts” (often, unhelpfully, someone else’s thoughts) in some strained way that ultimately suggests we are relying on our own efforts rather than on God’s grace.

Anyway, I liked Nonno’s approach.

Idle Chitchat Corner

I am almost done with clearing out the Christmas things, and that of course feels like a hopeful harbinger of Spring!

I’ve started the long tidying/post-decorating deep cleaning process. I had to pull my living-room rug way back and address some moth issues. The floor under where the tree had been needed to be scrubbed! And the Chief is repairing where the curtain rod support got pulled out.

I think I will leave those twinkle lights there, though…

And the orange garland, which easily transitions to springy decoration or maybe I’m just rationalizing.

Isn’t it interesting how different the color looks in here in every photo?

Here is my progress on my Syncopation Socks. The small gauge means it takes a while (and is a bit hard on my hands), but they are satisfying, I think! I had a little hiccup in the stitch count for the heels, but so be it.

Today I aim to put the buttons on the baby sweater… and then block it and the hat.

… and finally take a peek at what seeds I have and what I need to order! I really am going to have to make the garden smaller this year, though. I’m getting older and my helper has gone on to a full-time job!

Do you have springtime thoughts and doings?

Are you happy with your first morning thoughts and practices? It’s so hard to figure out the balance: others’ needs, one’s own needs, not being lazy, not being stressed out!

bits & piecesCardinal Newman’s Simple Rule of Life.

Virtual Reality Reboots History by Charles T. Rubin in The New Atlantis. This is a long book review/essay about virtual reality. I found the beginning not as compelling as the middle/end, but then worth going back and reading entire. (If you are having the same trouble, start from the large “drop cap” letter B: “Because the whole point of virtualism is to allow people to be free to choose their own ways of virtual life, it might at first seem absurd to suggest that a regime of virtualism might be totalitarian also in the normative sense.”).

The author says, quoting another, “only through philosophy — which is to say, the quest for the truth — can we liberate ourselves from the dogmas and prejudices that motivate our judgments, the schools of thought that rule us.” I agree and add that philosophy is not only the purview of academics; perhaps it is seldom truly their realm.

Philosophy is given to anyone who contemplates the truth. We also need real reality, and I would remind everyone that nothing offers real reality — grounding in the truth, knowing how to live — like having a family — like having babies and raising children and going out in the garden of a beautiful morning.

Implications of losing manufacturing capabilities: The Shape of Metal (on Ronzoni discontinuing making tiny, star-shaped pasta). Relatedly, I am pretty obsessed with old woolen mills, as my region is replete with them. Mills sitting blankly next to the rivers from which they derived their power once upon a time — in a state that no longer produces any power of any sort, much less wool. Go in a store in Massachusetts and all you can buy is polyester from China. This is making me crazy!

Oklahoma Bill Encourages Marriage With State Tax Credits For Hitched Parents. I am opposed to raw “natalist” policies. It’s insanity for society to suppress population, but it’s no remedy to encourage childbearing outside of marriage. We have to encourage marriage of man and woman as well as encourage women to stay home.

A helpful little video about the uses of Borax and why to have it on hand.

Descartes, Trumpian Thomism, and ‘Pronouns’ — We need to stand by what we can see with our own eyes!

from the archivesWhat can children do? A guide

Husbands and how to understand them

Seed organization

liturgical living

Saint Josephine Bakhita

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts. It will take me a while to get things organized, but you’ll be patient, I know!

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

My podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!

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Published on February 08, 2025 08:59

A concrete example of teaching our children “devotion in brotherly love”; a Kindergarten checklist from the past! And lots of links!

{I took down the tree, but not the other decorations. After tomorrow! That’s the plan!}

The family is the school of virtue.

This isn’t a vague aspiration. Daily life in a family gives us all sorts of opportunities to practice the habits of mind and spirit (and even muscle memory, thinking of the necessity of inspiring interior restraint about hitting siblings etc) in order to build up goodness, to become better, to be virtuous — even to be saints!

Something I’ve thought about a lot, because I see many counter examples in the wild, but don’t think I’ve written on is how we can teach our children that the inclination to be envious, to be sad or upset when someone else has good fortune or a blessing, is either normal and expected (leading to it becoming a habitual sin) or a failing of our fallen nature that can be resisted.

Each person can — and, to become good, must — make a decision not to succumb to the immediate unpleasant feeling about another’s happiness.

Here’s an example:

Big sister, we’ll call her Chappie A, gets invited to a party that promises all sorts of excitement. Chappie B, slightly younger sibling, experiences an immediate (and certainly understandable) stroke of deprivation, of being left out, of deeply felt outrage at the injustice of the universe.

I want to warn you against the urge to compensate so Chappie B feels better.

Really think about the temptation you feel to say something like, “Don’t worry, Chappie B! You and I will do something really special. I promise. I’ll make it up to you!”

Ultimately, we can identify that envious response, accept it as real, and still help the child make a choice to be happy for the person’s good fortune — and not sorry for himself.

Self-pity is an ugly state.

That’s a tall order, but it’s exactly what real charity is and what this school must teach. Probably all of us have to work on it! I know I do. So we’ll learn together. (As with everything in the family, the parents are learning too! It truly is a learning community of virtue!)

One thing to mention to your child is how good God is to us in everything. It’s not what he feels right then! However, if we don’t fixate on this one “forbidden fruit” — the thing we’re missing out on — and all the cascading effects of that fixation, where we actually end up sort of hating the person with the good fortune — we come to realize that there are times that we are Chappie A! Something good befalls us! Life will go on and good things will happen. These are the conversations (however brief — you know, not a lecture) we can have.

We certainly don’t want others to envy us, feel bad, or God forbid, start hating us in that instance. So in true “do unto others as you would be done by” fashion, we have to learn the right way to react. Reactions are not necessarily pre-determined. Or if they happen, we can redirect them. We can learn that.

Help your child by saying, “Let’s be happy for Chappie A! It’s okay. I know you feel left out, but your turn will come. Meanwhile, let’s just enjoy this day, knowing she will have fun!”

I found that my own children learned, very quickly, to accept such a situation. I didn’t need to provide some big reward to take their minds off their woebegone state. It’s okay to have a bit of a cry and then cheerfully move on without expecting any compensation.

We would go on with our day as usual. I made a point of it” If something nice turned up, great! If not, also great.

Over time, they really do learn the lesson that good things happen to them too. They learn to be patient. They learn to be happy for each other. I learned a lot from them too, as you can imagine!

In this way we can fulfill the exhortation to “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Romans 10).

The truth is, Chappie B might actually end up being happy with a quiet day at home, spent normally, and it’s funny how the removal of one child can change the balance at home in a positive way after all.

Just because Chappie A is going out, doesn’t mean everyone has to go out at that moment. In fact, the appetite for excitement is something very easily and irrationally increased if we choose to feed it intentionally, not to the benefit of anyone.

“Envy is insatiable. The more you concede to it the more it will demand.” C. S. Lewis

Like other appetites, it can be teased out of nothing — manufactured by indulgence. You might not even be thinking about cheeseburgers or even be hungry, but seeing someone else eat a cheeseburger might, if you lack self-control and wallow in thinking about it, create an artificial hunger.

A side benefit (well, actually a main point) is learning the very important lesson that we really can choose what feelings to pay attention to and how to make sure they don’t take over our reason. Learning to be in control of your feelings (not reject them, but acknowledge them and master them if they aren’t helping you) is actually just growing up! Hard for a three-year-old, of course.

But you have to start somewhere!

Education Corner

Every once in a while something like this makes the rounds:

A very nice picture of what Kindergarten goals can be.

Again, a lot of it is about self control (being careful and polite, hanging up your coat, etc). A lot is about noticing what’s around you. There’s movement and there’s sitting nicely. Playing nicely in the sand… it’s so nice!

Other than reading and writing one’s first name, there’s no reading or writing! No math beyond counting. It’s not an academic list at all, per se, yet I think you can see how necessary the list is for excellence in future studies, and for balanced character development.

Children in the ’50s were quite well educated — certainly far better than today. I think this list is worth pondering. It speaks of many tactile and physical experiences for the young child, opportunities that don’t require a classroom, necessarily. A lot of it can be accomplished at home and by going outside. The rest can take place in a friendly group gathered for the purpose of hearing a story or having a fun time singing songs. The family can be inventive in providing the environment for reaching these goals. E.g. making sure to schedule in trips to the seaside, lake, or river; putting up hooks for the child to hang his outwear on; going over what Mama’s phone number is.

“I can take turns” — what a good objective!

bits & piecesAre you thinking of doing a study with your high school student of epics, Beowulf, medieval literature, poetry? I have been following Andrew Snyder, professor of theology and philosophy at Regent University, and I have been enjoying his hot Lewis and Tolkien takes! Having watched this video,Introduction to Beowulf, and vetted it for the correct attitude towards how to read a book, how to avoid over-analyzing but rather to be sure to enjoy a story, and what to look for in Beowulf in particular, I am confident in recommending the series for you and your student! That the series, called “Life, Death, and Meaning with Beowulf and Boethius, includes a study of the latter, the reading of whom was instrumental in forming my world view (as it must), is a big, tantalizing bonus. I look forward to that part of the instruction. (This is not any sort of ad — the video is free at the moment to watch and I didn’t receive anything for doing so! And I really enjoyed it very much, finding it stimulating and invigorating — it moves quickly but has a lot of content.)

Speaking of Boethius, the study of philosophy is a delicate matter, especially of Aristotle and Plato. I believe (and am in good company with Aristotle himself) it’s not a good idea to foist it on the young, who have many patterns of thought to assimilate before approaching it in a systematic way, not to mention spiritual development necessary to undergo. I found this article to be thought-provoking; I am conscious of the irony of its thesis that questions the primacy of the written word, as is the author, Robert Lazu Kmita: The Art of Interpreting Texts: Plato and would be interested to know your opinion of it.

“Corresponding to the act of live philosophy taking place in the Academus School, which was a religious fellowship based on a mutually and freely accepted relationship between master and disciples, this process is usurped by the philosophical text, which is an inanimate and errant ‘phantom.'”

Women need to resist the urge to be included in institutional meetings. Among other things, meetings are so boring! Reclaiming some of the ancient rituals and customs that honored women is one way to wake up from this destructive nightmare we’re in, where we want to be equal with that which is lower than what God has in mind for us: Women Don’t Need More Ministerial Roles—We Need Churching!

We need to prevent memory loss about the past five years and our experience of lockdown, censorship, and harm. Fr. John Naugle has written about it all from the point of view of Catholic teaching. He compiled a thread of all his writings here.

from the archivesSome homeschooling chitchat (Q & A)

Family priorities

Toddlers are not the problem– how to homeschool with them running around!

Remember when I said not to allow the kids to have the habit of yelling to you from all over? I saw this cartoon and had to laugh!

liturgical living

St. Brigid of Ireland — happy feast day to our Bridget!

Tomorrow is Candlemas! For the first time in forever, I don’t have candles to be blessed — just couldn’t find any. I still have some from last year, and I think I will try to pick up at least the 7-day votives, which I am low on.

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts. It will take me a while to get things organized, but you’ll be patient, I know!

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

My podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:

Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Here is my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.