A completely different look at children’s Church behavior; Knitting; Links!

Behavior Corner

Children really do have to learn how to behave, and they have to learn how to behave across the board, including in Church. Yes, children misbehave and we need to be tolerant, but also yes, they should try not to and we can get them in a better position.

Everyone has their strategies for Church (I do too), but step back for a minute.

Let’s not talk about that part of it. Let’s talk about the big picture.

How can we ask a little tike who does not really know what happens when you go out of the room, or anything about when the next meal is, or where his clothing that’s on his body comes from, to sit still and not holler for an hour once every seven days?

So, long before we get into strategies and tactics, we have to address daily acclimation to the quite foreign notion that this little bundle of energy coupled with ignorance can and will rein himself in.

Obviously it will take some time, and at first a lot of it will be you, the parent, not expecting too much… but also expecting more and more… discipline, thought of as normal experience in self control and awareness of others.

The prevailing ideology today is permissiveness and placation masquerading as “gentle parenting.”* Parents are deathly afraid of being judged and for the most part, try to placate children instead of simply teaching them, in a developmentally appropriate manner, to notice the world around them and to meet reasonable expectations, including by using sharp words and even a spank now and again.

*Or the equally ridiculous reaction, where small children are rigidly disciplined with no insight on the part of parents at all; however, this is much less common.

Honestly, we expect more of our dogs than of our kids.

But no “trainer” is going to come and get your child into shape, nor would you want that, of course.

Instead, build into your daily life with your child times when he has to sit still, listen to you, not speak, and pay attention to what is going on outside of himself. Alternated, of course, with running around outside and yelling their heads off. Again, these are the little things of life.

During the day, the expectation that a three-year-old can start learning not to burst into a room shouting; an eighteen-month-old can sit in a stroller for a walk; a two-year-old can imitate your whisper; a six-year-old can sit for a lesson.

This is why I say it’s important to ask him to put on a jacket when going outside, if the weather requires it. He can take it off later, but honestly, do you not see that this is training? We are living in a world where we don’t have to wear one thing we don’t want to, but is that healthy? How will he behave at a funeral or wedding? How will getting out the door on the day of an important event play out if every normal day is Mom giving in?

Toddlers don’t want to put on their jackets and mittens or put on their shoes or what have you. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but actually, a lot of times it does. He has to have practice for the times it does! It’s unfair to expect obedience in important things when you never require it otherwise.

There is a way to make it “just what we do” and not a struggle. I know there is because generations of children did it… and no, they weren’t “repressed”! They had far less emotional difficulties than children today do. Stability and knowing what’s require of one go a long way to mental health, actually.

Why would we adopt the standards of a society that has so clearly failed its children? Why would we follow their advice?

Practice in little things so you can reasonably expect big things.

I can’t even get into the issue of how weird our society has become with the bottom falling out of normal interactions in public — instead of going to the grocery store or post office and seeing and dealing with lots of people in a pleasant manner, we just do everything by clicking. I am not sure how our kids are going to learn how to greet the postman or not clamor for treats in some building out and about. We have to think about it…

My main point here is to be sure to have each day require something of your child — with cheerfulness and a sense of confidence — at various points, so that on Sunday he’s not suddenly expected to sit up in his church clothes and be quiet, with no practice. 

“Now it’s time to put these toys away and get ready for lunch. I’ll help you.”

“Go back out and come in again without slamming the door, and speak in a lower voice!”

“Please ask to be excused.”

“Now it’s time to rest quietly.”

You have to practice too. You have to ask it of yourself. It’s called being a responsible parent!

 

 

Knitting Corner

I finished the socks last week and started a couple of things in that antsy way when you can’t really settle down. I’m trying not to buy more yarn right now, and the effort of fitting a pattern I want to do with the yarn I have is making me unsettled.

The socks:

 

 

The kitty (I got hung up on the short rows but I think I’m past it — the pattern didn’t make sense to me but I’m just plowing through):

 

 

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The Good Mouse (I’m using some of the yarn I have, from the Musselburgh hats).

Another pair of scrappy socks for a child, but… who?

Those two projects (to give a grandiose name) are outside by the fire — today is maple sap boiling day! — so I can’t show you, but I will probably post on Instagram and catch up next week.

 

bits & piecesHave your children ever built this sort of thing? So fun!

 

The fading art of hand embroidery –– for liturgical vestments; we women have to keep these beautiful crafts alive!

 

For your high school student: A good primer on causes, from a scientific and philosophical point of view. 

 

By the way, every once in a while I have to remind you of this book, speaking of science and philosophy: Vestige of Eden, Image of Eternity: Common Experience, the Hierarchy of Being, and Modern Science by Daniel Toma (affiliate link)

 

I remember reading in Annie Dillard’s book, An American Childhood, her memory of her mother exclaiming “check the oxygen!” — it relates to this sad episode and amazing discovery by a brave doctor: Excessive oxygen as cause of blindness in premature infants. It’s an important memory, because the ophthalmologist Dr. Arnall Patz, didn’t follow “settled science” but made his own observations and saved babies from blindness.

 

from the archivesSelf Control and Where to Get It

 

The Bossiness Cure

 

liturgical living

St. Louise de Marillac

 

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