Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 2

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

From the fund information:

1 like · Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on June 14, 2025 09:47

The virtue of the older mom, links, and more!

The older mother has so much to offer. I know it’s a bit of a cliché in religious circles to speak of the Titus 2 Woman, but can we see what God is trying to tell us in that message about all the various roles and aspects of the Christian community? (I like to think “mature” rather than “aged”…)

Paul’s letter to Titus, Chapter 2:

1 But speak thou the things that become sound doctrine: 2 That the aged men be sober, chaste, prudent, sound in faith, in love, in patience. 3 The aged women, in like manner, in holy attire, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teaching well: 4 That they may teach the young women to be wise, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, sober, having a care of the house, gentle, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

After my first post, there were a couple of comments that seemed to resonate:

“… a word for those of us who are in our late 40s, but still have very young children, even as the older ones are teens (or, for others, young adults), would be very much appreciated. It is beautiful to have both, and many faithful Catholic families have a broader age range than we do; so I know it could be of value. Beautiful as it is to have the little ones, aging more dramatically, while having a toddler and early elementary students, just feels awkward, sometimes, and a bit lonely.”

And:

“But .. what do I have to say to the younger mums? That having babies and kids and sacrificing for your family is awesome, super hard but also immensely beautiful and worthwhile – until it becomes this “something” that might stretch your heart and mind and soul and body to the point of .. well. I don’t even know how to describe it… In this stage, that I find myself in, I’m simply envious of younger mums [with high ideals]. They seem to have everything I dream of. I am getting even more silent than I was before… Yes, I wonder too, like your reader, how do we stay cheerful for our younger kids? How do we keep on hoping for our older ones, when hope hurts?”

It is indeed a different phase to listen to those younger mothers talk amongst themselves. And even in middle age, we are still looking for friends! We too want to sit and hash through the toddler issues.

What I found so unexpected about having a baby and a child who was off to college was that the young mothers saw me as “the old mother” — even when I was nursing Bridget! I would be there with my littles, but they didn’t see me as one of them.

This is where the habit of talking to God shores us up. We have to ask Him what He wants of us.

And I think He is gently telling us that this era is fading.

That means He’s giving us something new. Like every development, it won’t be mastered without some struggle, pain, and falling over. But now the maturity kicks in, because we’ve seen this before.

Even if those young moms seem to crave each other, they are listening.

Imagine how life would have been for us if those older ladies had not belittled our concerns or piled on with their negative comments, comments that enter your soul and dry things up.

I know that the stray “it will be all right, don’t worry” and the occasional “you might try this strategy” really helped.

St. Paul is telling us we have to be virtuous, inside and out (“in holy attire” — maybe not trying to dress as if we are in our twenties, which is hard to let go). So that’s the first step, isn’t it?

There is a habit young women can get into of craving someone to tell them what to do and being almost paralyzed unless they feel confirmed by some external source, which they are conditioned to seek among the “influencers” whose presence is certainly ubiquitous. Bringing that habit into the mature phase is problematic.

At some point, we have to admit that we know how to do a lot of things! Not only that — we are starting to understand why there was certain advice and “old wives tales” that might be worth saving.

Maybe the reflex to be on the hunt for the latest methods isn’t always the best approach. Only, now we have the added burden of having to peel back the unfortunate “updates” that are the sort of “anti-tradition traditions.”

So yes, sometimes we think, “I’m so uncertain” — but what if confidence is a virtue, the confidence of having thought about the principles of a thing, prayed, learned from experience? In short, cultivating the virtue of prudence?

What if everyone has always felt they are just learning? What if depriving the younger moms of our experience, on the grounds that we don’t know what we are doing, is the equivalent of removing the admittedly shaky footbridge to the other side — us, the older women — altogether?

I remember staying up late with my teens — because of course, 10:30 pm is the most obvious time to start a deep, hours-long conversation — and also waking up at 5:30 with Bridget, a baby.

Throw in homeschooling the kids in between!

Is it too much? Yes, yes it is.

Did I still have to do it? Also yes!

Did it mean I needed a nap most days? Wisdom and common sense say, yes!

What do you say to younger mothers? You will have good advice for them and learn how to offer it, remembering that your example means the most. Just when you feel your house is at its most chaotic, those younger mothers appreciate enjoying your hospitality. Just when you think you can’t add another event to your groaning schedule, a mom with a boisterous toddler and babe in arms can benefit from morning tea with you or a crafting afternoon.

Instead of the rather limited way we look at our interactions today, we need a more generous, community-building vision.

In our own rather amateurish LMLD fashion, we have tried to articulate the thought in the St. Gregory Pockets. The idea behind the Pockets is one you have to make your own, depending on your circumstances.

Personally, I found a lot of peace in moving my (extremely taxed) energy outwards in a relaxed manner, instead of focusing on finding that one bosom buddy who would solve all my issues. And as always happens, in the process I made so many very dear friends.

I encourage you to read through the posts and pray about how to do your part to create a “pocket” of friends of all ages who will help each other, enjoy each other, and make a community for their growing children, who also need to learn what friendship is.

St. Gregory Pockets: What and Where They Are (the places are probably mostly not active anymore, but you get the idea)The Pocket: the Context of Contentment Hate to break it to you, but it’s the older mom who has struggled through the loneliness and still feels awkward and lacking in real support who has to take the first step. That’s… you!The Basic Idea (and why it’s named after St. Gregory)Read this post to get a sense of what the vision is for a St. Gregory’s Pocket – the vision for a group of people who are intentionally forming a healthy, happy, friendly, faith-filled community — and also read about some fallacies.Read about Bold Friendship, a post which contains some general tips if you are interested in getting a Pocket started in your area, or if you want to think about how to be a good member of a Pocket.We have a suggested reading list here to get you started for how to help those you know grow in virtue and knowledge. I really mean it when I say the older moms are the only ones to do this. It seems so unfair when we’re already drowning! So we have to pray about it. But I think you’d be surprised how energizing it is to meet once a month with friendly people, including younger ones. It’s a real boost, honestly!Deirdre (one of my daughters, for new readers) wrote this post to encourage you if you find the whole idea scary. She was younger, but she still does these things. I don’t know if Facebook is the way to go now. But the basic idea is to get people away from having their interactions be online and use online to organize in person get-togethers. In your area, you will figure out how to do it. We don’t have to be involved — the Facebook idea was to have a way of making LMLD a point of possible contact.

Anyway, the main thing is to take the wider view and understand that you can overcome your insecurity and trust yourself to step into the role God has made for you, with His grace.

From all eternity, He foresaw the exact circumstances you are in — and He still wants you to “teach the young women to be wise, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, sober, having a care of the house, gentle, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

You can do it!

The weather predictions were so over-the-top, as they have become these days, with all the “extreme” and “severe” and wild graphics, so I went and picked some blooms to save them from the apocalypse.

In the event, there was some thunder and it’s been raining lightly… but at least I am enjoying my flowers!

bits & piecesIf you are so moved, perhaps consider contributing to this fund, as I have, for a young Swedish family who just lost their husband and father. My friend Peter Kwasniewski posted this amazing report about the Requiem Mass (emphasis mine):Recently, a father of a large family died tragically young in Sweden, yet fortified by the holy sacraments and surrounded by his loved ones—a death any of us would pray for. His devout family, with the help of friends, was able to arrange a Requiem Mass in the Church of Husaby, once upon a time the first Cathedral in Sweden and the place where King Olof Skötkonung was baptised in the year 1000. While the church came into the hands of Lutherans after the Reformation (like all churches in Sweden), permission was granted for this particular Mass, and, for the first time in more than 500 years, the stone walls and faithful in the pews witnessed again a true Catholic Requiem, solemnly celebrated, with three of the deceased father’s young boys serving at the altar.May John rest in peace and may the Lord sustain his family in their mourning.

The need is especially dire, as the family depends on a car to attend Holy Mass—a great consolation to them, especially in this time of grief. Three of the boys also serve as altar servers. Mass provides not only spiritual strength, but also an opportunity to see friends, which is vital in this difficult time. Anna-Maria feels it is more important than ever to remain active in the local Catholic community. The family also hopes to continue participating in pilgrimages and other Catholic events, further highlighting the need for a reliable vehicle.

A revelatory two-part article about the changes in the Rite of Marriage in the Catholic Church, giving us a hint at the solution to the mystery of why, with so much more marriage preparation these days, divorce and annulments are so high.

Leila Miller has an excellent post to bookmark: Resources for Abandoned Spouses

A really good article: Wall-E Is Not the Movie You Think It Is: It’s subversive in all the right ways by M.A. Franklin. I love that movie and am so glad I overcame (at the urging of a friend) my suspicions that aligned with the author’s: “…the whole thing feels like you’re about to be scolded by your third-grade teacher for exhaling too much carbon dioxide… ‘I thought I was watching a fun kid’s movie about a robot, not signing up for a lecture about how I need to recycle.'”

How Old is ‘Haha’? The Sound of Medieval Laughter: A strange image and the earliest ‘haha’ in English.

from the archivesDating Rules for Teenagers (but really, how to help them find their vocation)You don’t have to play with your kids!

liturgical living

St. Robert of Newminster; the Vigil of Pentecost

…and of course, tomorrow is Pentecost!

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Feast of the Visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary

1 like · Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on June 07, 2025 09:22

More on this new stage of older mom; Knitting; Links!

The “second decade” of motherhood is indeed challenging! All the things we talked about for so long here are now ways of life and yet still evading our grasp at times, as the children get older but perhaps new babies are coming along as well.

There is something wistful about seeing one’s older children have minds of their own and activities too; they are going places and having their own thoughts about things.

Keeping this all together takes some finesse and a healthy sense of limitations.

Our culture tells us two insidious lies, and patterns us with two bad habits of thought: that we can do everything and that there will be A New Thing that will solve all our discontents.

One effect of these lies is to make us whiny. Auntie Leila has to say it.

I truly think we are conditioned by whatever these disruptive forces are to respond to any and every setback with an immature and unworthy attitude! Instead of thinking, praying, and acting with confidence, we just waste our time sort of waiting for someone to wave a magic wand and fix it all, not omitting to feel sorry for ourselves.

I’m only pointing out this harsh truth because I’ve been there myself! It won’t do! We must go deeper and not remain in this state! Do you not think the Good God has something to teach us for the good of others as well as ourselves?

We have to learn.

Otherwise, the younger ones will not have that helping hand in their journey and we will have wasted ours.

The very fact that we do not feel like “experts” is itself a truth the next generation has to learn!

Our real home is not here, we can’t do it all, and the key to peace is to begin again with the things we already know!

Here’s one practical point to work on and to remind others of:

Since by now you know that your household will run more smoothly and fulfill its mission of raising the children to love and know God when you have dinner together, then it’s time to think and pray about how to do that when, in this phase, you have some older children staying late at school to practice a play or a sport, or going to work.

It’s totally normal for parents to put their hopes and dreams in their older children, but that doesn’t mean it’s good to give into it entirely. We have minds and need to understand that they have to test their wings.

Meanwhile, the younger children also need that security and stability of dinner with their parents and all it offers: good conversations at their level and also higher than their level without the inevitable, exclusive focus on the older ones’ concerns. We need to have their interests in mind, but also draw them out to other matters. Turning our attention to them gives us a chance to observe and address their behavior. We have gone through all this already but they have not. It can be, if we take the opportunity, a time of love, merriment, and affection.

The whiny mentality I’m talking about causes us to lose heart and let go of this central act of family life. We interpret our older children’s activities outside the home — which must take place, for they must find their way, little by little, to their life away — as an implicit rejection, or at least as a sign that our family life is not worth maintaining anymore in the way we envisioned it at first.

But the mother’s (and father’s too, but I’m talking to mothers) wisdom should expand to overcome this temptation. She should realize that inside, her child finds the courage and freedom to explore the wide world (and earn money for his goals, to be sure) precisely because of the assurance he has that life at home goes on. It’s what strengthens him. He appreciates it more, the further he goes.

But we can’t expect, much less ask for, any affirmation now of this reality. Again, it’s a matter of maturity. Immature people need constant assurance; mature people trust that things take time.

Even if that child strays far, what about the others? Don’t make the mistake of putting your identity as a mother in the life of your older children. Everyone has free will.

Many a youngest child has been emotionally abandoned because of this failure of the parents to keep to their responsibilities — and it doesn’t help the older ones either.

Some years hence, it’s a fairly sure bet that they will all go. Remember? This is what we wanted for them! To become integrated men and women, capable of forming their own homes or offering up that good for another, even higher one. Let’s not now lose our vision!

We need to be there, having dinner with our spouse, God willing. We need to be friends with each other, husband and wife, by then — not strangers who grew apart in those hectic years. We need to have avoided putting all our worth as a family in our children — those same children who will go.

Think of your own parents. Either they persevered and gave you a model for your journey (one I’m sure you didn’t always have in the forefront of your mind, yet it was there), or they did not, and you feel the lack. It’s usually precisely at this crucial stage, the second decade, that the decision was made about what habits to have and what to prioritize. Even if the disintegration came later, the roots were there.

Don’t expect things to be easy.

Don’t compare yourself to others to the detriment of your spirit — if a comparison helps you be better, then learn, but if it demoralizes you, reject it.

Knitting Corner

I started a new kitty — this time with this mustardy yellow Cascade superwash combined with a strand of mohair (what I had, which is sort of lavender, but I think it can work). At first they look a little… embryonic haha….

I decided to pause the body of this cardigan and work a sleeve, just to see how it will all fit. The fit is good, the stitches are better now that I pulled it totally back and started again. I don’t know about the width of the sleeves as they get towards the ribbing. That section will be quite long, actually; I just started here and it is supposed to go on for about 6 inches, but I think I would like it snug. So I might have to rip this bit back and try the decreases again.

For reference, here’s the image from the pattern: see how long the ribbing is? I think mine will be too wide though:

bits & piecesI have obviously been thinking a lot about St. Hildegard (due to doing interviews for the book St. Hildegard’s Garden, the foreword of which I wrote), and the ignorant idea we have of the state of health in the Middle Ages: Were Medieval People Healthy? The popular image of the medieval peasant hovelling about in a frantic search of the remaining slop from the bottom of a trough is not very accurate, to say the least.

My chicks are up in the stable/chicken coop now, and here’s hoping they stay safe from predators. I enjoyed listening to a couple of interviews with Harvey Ussery. (I find I have to put the playback speed at 1.25 X.) I like his way of talking about things! Obviously I don’t have a homestead by any means, but I love hearing him discuss the natural ways of chickens, deep litter (a method I have been using), and composting, to make life easier and more practical. Ingenious Chicken Keeping was a good episode — I learned some new tips!

If you’re tracking Bishop Martin’s actions in Charlotte, NC, regarding the repression of the thriving and diverse Traditional Latin Mass community there, I recommend reading Peter Kwasniewski’s post collecting various articles and thoughts. Also, Phil and I discuss one aspect — the non-listening, “customer service bot” model — on our podcast this week.

from the archivesI have been posting about things for a long time! You’d be surprised what I have already written about! Dinner together after the kids are gone Remember, the root of all our discontent is not knowing what’s for dinner!

liturgical living

How fitting that this is today’s feast — for today’s topic! Dear St. Elizabeth leaves us with her experience, that her baby leapt in her womb, and her beautiful relationship with Our Lady, her cousin. Two women who love each other with a truly holy sisterhood. Scripture is telling us, as we journey along (can you just imagine how tired St. Elizabeth was? She was old!), to have this relationship with the Mother of God: to embrace her, to offer our children to her, to welcome her. She will impart her wisdom to us.

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Common sense reasons why COVID-19 vaccines should NOT be recommended to children or pregnant women — and what needs to happen with the shots going forward

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on May 31, 2025 07:41

Chit-chat of all kinds: Ask Auntie: what is this new stage I’m in, Sourdough, Knitting, and more!

Ask Auntie Corner

Many of the lovely ladies who have been following along since I started here are now getting to be in their 40s, and then they email me (not all, but a lot of them) and ask something like, “How do I make this transition from having littles to whatever this is? How can I remain cheerful?” and actually, much more.

I will try to address the various aspects, but not all at once. Let me offer one thing to think about this week, though.

Maybe 15 years ago you wrote to me or thought of writing something about how few role models there are and how lost you felt trying to build home life, educate your children, and establish a family without that generation further along.

Maybe the women you knew, who were in their 40s then, didn’t understand the important role they ought to have played in handing down their experience. They abandoned or skipped it, in large part this is because so many of them refused to devote themselves to it. They turned away, refused to suffer and sacrifice, pursued what one friend calls “the gold stars” of worldliness. And they were desperate to avoid growing old.

Some saw their marriages fall apart and sought to rationalize what happened, or just became victims and fell away. Some saw their few children grow up as prey for the darkness. A few “got it,” but didn’t know how to communicate what they knew, partially out of guilt and a sense of failure.

So now maybe you are coming up in the ranks of the “aged women” St. Paul speaks of in his letter to Titus, Chapter 2, though of course we prefer not to use that particular word! Maybe you’re not… but you will be!

“The [more mature] women, in like manner, in holy attire, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teaching well: That they may teach the young women to be wise, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, sober, having a care of the house, gentle, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

It’s you — he’s talking about you. This is truly a matter for prayer: to become, despite all the misgivings and doubts you have, the one with experience who can offer life-giving support to the ones coming along.

We will discuss further!

Sourdough Corner: Troubleshooting

How is the sourdough breadmaking coming?

These are three of four loaves resting in the fridge, ready for baking (the other one is in my other fridge) (I also have a bowl of bagel dough I need to shape and bake!).

It’s always a journey and one is always learning more.

If your bread comes out of the oven okay, but within a day feels heavy and sour, here is something to work on:

You are most likely not allowing it to rise fully in the first stage after you’ve given it some folds of some kind. That first rise is called the bulk fermentation and your dough needs to get pouffy. One test that works pretty well is to touch the surface with your finger. If the dough sticks to your finger, you can let it go a bit more.

The dough should feel airy beneath your hand, but not like it’s losing its structure. Getting this “feel” is a matter of practice! So don’t give up!

Sourdough bread is nice and tasty even days afterwards. It might get stale, but it doesn’t get stodgy, tasteless, or heavy.

In other sourdough news, I made English muffins the other day, and this morning the Chief treated himself to a “Papa’s Special” — toasted English muffin with peanut butter and honey.

It looked good to me, but I make it a “Mama’s Special”: I butter the halves, then put the honey on one side and the pb on the other, then put them together.

He makes his without butter and eats the sides separately.

Bonkers.

As I was saying, sourdough is a journey. I’m trying to nail that English muffin recipe. It needs structure so it has holes (nooks & crannies) — it’s not okay to just serve up a flattish bun! It needs some sugar or honey so it browns.

What is up with these experts making the English muffins like flattish buns, cutting one with a knife*, and then spreading it with some cold butter… no toasting…

…it’s like there are no standards, no pride, no sense of anything at all.

*If you are not splitting with a fork, report to English Muffin Court for your sentence.**

Anyway, so far, this is my recipe. You will note I pencilled in dry milk powder with a question mark. I guess last time I made it without, and I am thinking that was better.

I guess the question mark after BF (bread flour) means I am not sure (of course I’m not) exactly how much I put in. It was likely a bit more.

**The reason the last word here is “split” is that I’ve taken to splitting them with a fork all after they are cooled and before they are tucked in the freezer because someone is a knife-wielding criminal, not naming any names but he knows who he is

I decided I would keep going with my recipe notebook and so far that’s working pretty well:

Knitting and Mending Corner

I started the Sunday Cardigan, got down to the body (about 6″ further than what is pictured there!), and then ripped it all back.

I made some mistake early on that affected the edges and I was pretty sure I wanted to put short rows in the neck and back.

It had to happen.

Now my conscience is clear:

And I’ve put in the short rows:

These are below the yoke increases; the others are just under the neck, before the increases. In total, there are 3 short rows (counting each back and forth as one)! The yarn is that tall.

Basically, it seems like a big difference between the sweaters you buy and the ones you knit has to do with the fit. Short rows build up the back so the neck doesn’t pull down away from the front.

I also adjusted the body width. I think I need the size large for the yoke. I tried on a friend’s that was a medium, and I don’t think it was wide enough (I usually do take a medium, don’t have a large bust, but do want this to be able to close). But large is too roomy in the body.

We’ll see! Trying on again later on! I’m committed to just taking my time and doing it as rightly as I can. It’s a heavy yarn that knits up quickly. I’m learning a lot!

This wool is very sticky and rustic. It will all come together when it’s finished and blocked (soaked in water and shaped to dry).

I also mended my favorite jeans (of the ones that still fit me… yikes). I detest ripped jeans.

This was not difficult at all and I think it’s cute! and needed because it’s been cold and raining. You can see I just gave in and put on one of my heaviest sweaters:

Okay, I think that’s it for now!

bits & piecesLoved this reflection from Emily Finley on the Billy and Blaze books, favorites of my kids back in the day.

Kids are good at helping around the house. Here’s a nice article about the specifics.

An edgy, satirical TikTok about how hand games (like we were talking about last week) have changed * (you can just watch online)from the archivesAvoid books that “build character” There are some — a few — good books that teach directly, but mostly, books should offer experiences and vicarious adventures with good story-telling and a sound moral basis.How to discern by developmental stage when your child is ready for different kinds of stories

liturgical living

Today the Church in Australia celebrates the Solemnity of Mary Help of Christians. Bl. Louis-Zephirin Moreau, Bishop

Thursday is the Feast of the Ascension. This day marks the first, historical novena, as recorded in Sacred Scripture.

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on May 24, 2025 08:44

In defense of “socialization”! And some good links!

Homeschoolers know what their critics are going to ask:

“What about socialization?”

And we’ve developed a lot of defense mechanisms to cope.

I actually happen to think there’s a grain of truth in this question.

First, two parameters for the discussion:

I have little bits of evidence to support socialization as a valid goal, though we may not all mean the same thing by that word! This is my “rough draft” so to speak!Public schools certainly do not do any of the things I’m going to mention. They have lost the way. The older people who make the “socialization” comment have a very distant memory of what they are talking about. It doesn’t exist anymore. I think it should, but it doesn’t, so don’t worry, I still totally hold the position that in our time, homeschooling is best, with a very, very few exceptions where there is a good, old-fashioned-style school to send them to.

Those who are going to school their children or who are involved in education should be sure to read Pius XI’s encyclical Divini Illius Magistri, On Christian Education.

It is a master class on the relationship between the “three societies” — family, state, and Church — and on the importance of schools and of sound education generally. You might be surprised to be challenged on subjects like same-sex education and the sound reasons given for it, and on the natural-law arguments for the primacy of the parents, who, he says, “are under a grave obligation to see to the religious and moral education of their children, as well as to their physical and civic training, as far as they can, and moreover to provide for their temporal well-being.”

He sees the danger we do (quite a while ago for him, and even worse now):

The declining influence of domestic environment is further weakened by another tendency, prevalent almost everywhere today, which, under one pretext or another, for economic reasons, or for reasons of industry, trade or politics, causes children to be more and more frequently sent away from home even in their tenderest years. And there is a country* where the children are actually being torn from the bosom of the family, to be formed (or, to speak more accurately, to be deformed and depraved) in godless schools and associations, to irreligion and hatred, according to the theories of advanced socialism; and thus is renewed in a real and more terrible manner the slaughter of the Innocents.

Anyway, Pius says this about education:

11. Education is essentially a social and not a mere individual activity. Now there are three necessary societies, distinct from one another and yet harmoniously combined by God, into which man is born: two, namely the family and civil society, belong to the natural order; the third, the Church, to the supernatural order.

He then goes on to explain all that in glorious detail.

A good school, where the teachers see themselves as assistants to the parents, not usurpers, and where the mission of the school is kept to its boundaries, not infringing on family life, will not only teach the curriculum, but will provide an environment where children can expand their knowledge of others and learn to interact with those who have different habits and proclivities.

Where everyone basically adheres to the 10 Commandments and wants the good of the child, the school can be a place where correction and supplementation can be administered to the inevitable insufficiencies of the “imperfect society” (as Pius calls the family — imperfect simply because it stands in need of others).

But one thing that’s so important that in many ways we had achieved in more peaceful times is hard to pin down. It has to do with the impossibility of adults to pass along all cultural wisdom directly to children in a way they can assimilate it. There’s only so much instruction you can give a child. Some of what he needs to know comes from experience, but in an emotionally and spiritually safe place, as far as possible.

That experience needs to come from older children who themselves are wisely monitored and observed. Let me give you some examples.

I once saw someone lament “kids today” not knowing how to play stoop ball. He said “their parents didn’t teach them.” But this is incorrect! Children of the past didn’t learn to play stoop ball from their parents! They learned from older children.

There are so many schoolyard games we played, and we learned them all from the big kids. Not only did we learn kickball, touch football, hopscotch, and many other games from them, we learned fairness and meticulous observance of rules and the bending of them when a player was smaller, unfamiliar, etc.

We spent a lot of time on the playground. Schools today do not have this important aspect of education. There were playground monitors and I honestly don’t recall any bullying because these ladies were pretty sharp-sighted and my elementary school was small. But we had two long recesses plus time after lunch and before school, and those times were full of games of all sorts.

Socialization — learning to play with everyone, taking your turn, responding to your name being called, dealing with annoying people without running to an adult — happened mostly in school, though we had the neighborhood to roam around in as well.

Here’s another good thing: children in America had a lot of chants we pulled out in various situations. There were the silly songs we sang while doing clapping games— and these were actually important for 7-12 year-olds to get the brain cells and nerves working at high speed (we played them lightning-fast), with arms crossing the midline, so important for becoming proficient at reading. I think the girls did this while the boys played catch.

Friendly competition, day after day, drives the acquisition of these actually complex skills. This is not a once-in-a-week thing, nor can adults really implement them.

I was reminded the other day about how, if we second-graders noticed a boy and a girl having a crush, we’d chant at them (and I got this chanted at me too!): “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage!” You know, there’s a warning and a life lesson about the proper order of things, all wrapped up in a few words, right there. If everyone’s on their devices, this message will not be delivered. But it also won’t be delivered with quite as much situational directness if one’s social group is basically one’s family, with a few friends encountered on random or sporadic occasions, as in the home school.

Finally, there’s nothing wrong with giving different adults and other, unrelated children the opportunity to smooth the rough edges that indulgent parents don’t attend to; nor is it a bad thing to have them appreciate the child whose parents might be exacting and strict. Where society is more or less aimed at the same goal, of cooperation and good will, socialization is actually a good thing. It should not usurp the role of the family, but it also should not be eliminated.

I honestly lament the disappearance of the neighborhood school in stable communities. As a child with a troubled home life, it provided me with at least some guardrails. Sadly, the troubled homes began to outweigh the stability.

It’s a somber thought to know that my parents, with their divorce, contributed to that loss of stability, because I think most of us tend to think personal choices don’t matter much. But they do. With the sudden shift to individualistic, pleasure-oriented pursuits, that society was overthrown.

Notice by the way how much of what I think of as socialization in the sense our critics mean (though they might not realize it) is not about what goes on in the classroom. It was mostly about the school yard and recess and the walk to and from school, though learning to hear others out and to listen respectfully to the teacher were good things as well.

So it’s worth thinking about how we can offer our homeschooling children (or the schools we organize) this sort of socialization — not what we hear and react to, when we are confronted with the charge, which makes us think about mindless conformity and the stifling of creativity, if not worse.

Instead, let’s acknowledge that we can’t go it alone. We need, for our children’s development and within the circumstances we’re dealing with, the interaction of other families, of outside activities (within reason), and of the community.

*I don’t think he meant America, but it could now be said of America, sadly.

bits & piecesRecess at school is vanishing. I think I read somewhere, but don’t have a link, that more and more, recess includes doing things on one’s devices. When you consider a school for your child, recess should be an important criterion.

The Brilliance of Metaphor and Why the Left Can’t Meme — Emily Finley with some good insights on metaphor and nature: “… the Christian relationship with nature is one that is ordered toward God the Creator. It allows us glimpses of eternal truth, of the manifold beauty of existence. In so doing, it inspires the poetical mode of thought.”

When Emily says, “In my estimation, the most effective (and funniest) writers are those who have command over the use of metaphor,” I thought of P. G. Wodehouse, whose creativity in that subset of metaphor, the simile, is unparalleled. Wodehouse alone is a good reason to make sure your young ‘uns read Shakespeare and Dickens, for they will miss half the fun if they are unfamiliar with those inspirations for Wodehouse’s flights of wit!

Amelia McKee writes about the liturgical, historical, and poetical background of Mary, Gardens, and May. This Mother’s Day, Deirdre and I did some companionably puttering in my Mary garden, pulling out invading vines and pruning rose bushes. I will try to move some Mary flowers in there shortly. Here is a picture from two years ago:

A review, by John Byron Kuhner, of The Lives of the Caesars, by Suetonius, translated by Tom Holland. “It is easy to feel that our era loves the Roman Empire too much, and the frugal, law-abiding, freedom-loving Roman Republic too little. I would rather see a new Hollywood movie about Scipio Africanus than another Gladiator retread. Yet the basic reason for having a republic at all is found on every page of the Lives.”

For more “bits & pieces” from me, be sure to go to my Substack, Happy Despite Them, where I have “my open tabs” with other reads.

from the archivesDecorating books — and beauty (and Pinterest). How do you find your own style? Some thoughts from moi.May is such a good time for beginning a simple prayer life with children.

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

More on the significance of what the Pope wears (or should wear).

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on May 17, 2025 09:01

When your husband asks, “What do you do all day?” and knitting, links, and more!

If a man asks me, and this happens not infrequently, what to say to his rather overwhelmed young wife about the state of their house (and the state of her mind), and what she could be doing all day, I always reply, “Tell her with great warmth what a wonderful job she’s doing and how much you appreciate her; look around and pitch in. And send her the link to my blog!”

If a wife tells me she’s overwhelmed and simply cannot believe that her husband came home and said, disappointedly and perhaps with a tinge of accusation? incredulity? — “What did you do all day?” or, outrageously, “Maybe you could do an hour of housecleaning every day and that would help you feel less overwhelmed?” I say:

He is not doing a great job of communicating, because he’s a man, but here’s a mark of maturity: to be able to listen to the underlying message.

We are surrounded by exhortations to be a better listener to our children and to those in the workplace (including bosses) but somehow, a wife is never, ever supposed to think her husband might be trying to say something with good will, under the poor delivery! No, the message is always to dig into the hurt, the outrage, the unthinkable oppression. Odd, huh?

But nothing terrible will happen if you take a deep breath and see whether it’s possible that he’s right, if also a big oaf who has a lot to learn:

Let me break it down. Let’s do what we always want others to do, and hear what we’re saying underneath our awkward, unwelcome words; let’s see what he might mean and be feeling (can husbands have feelings?):

He’s stricken to see you in this pitiable state, and feels powerless to help. Remember, men want to solve problems; it’s in their nature. While expressing the whole thing as if it’s your fault (you did nothing that day according to him, despite the stark evidence of actual children you kept alive and his almost certain inability to do it), the real message could very well be, “I had to go; I was there and not here, but we have to live. I can’t not go to work.”But let me ask you this: is he coming home day after day to a total mess? Did you actually spend your day well, and I only touch on it because of the vast amount of time spent complaining about all this on social media?

At first, and with very little children, chaos is something that happens a lot. But there are ways to overcome it, as I have taken 18 years to tell you, only because I myself had to admit I was wasting a lot of time. In those days it was reading the Style section of the newspaper, having another cup of tea, and taking a long time to get dressed. But basically I get it and know what I had to admit to myself before I could reform.

It’s actually not unreasonable, and you’re not going to like to hear this, to spend an hour a day doing housework. When he suggests it, and I freely admit he did not choose his moment well, he has a point.For one thing, it doesn’t have to be a solid hour. It can be 15 minutes, and then half an hour, and then 15 minutes. Put that way, you might even see that it could be, on some days, more than that.

I agree that his way of putting it makes us want to cry (and I’m not opposed to crying — it’s better than pouting or yelling!).

In fact, there’s really no way for him to say this, yet it might need to be said.

Is it not… a wee bit true?

I suggest pulling up our big-girl pants, putting away the phone, and simply scheduling in small blocks of time throughout the day — after your nap, say — to get certain basic things done: getting dinner prepped, making the bed, tidying up, doing some laundry. Time yourself putting on a load of laundry or even, and stick with me here, folding it. How long did it take you? Is it unreasonable?

There are days when even this short list might not happen. He probably really does have no idea what it’s like when everyone is throwing up and so on. When the baby has a growth spurt and literally nurses all day, it can indeed be a challenge to get to the evening with anything other than what looks like bare survival.

I would say, though, that when your husband comes home, it’s worth him seeing you with your hair in order and the toys moved far enough away from the door for him to get in. (If he works at home, it might be nice for him not to hear total chaos all the time, and of course, he needs to know what a normal level of volume really is.)

If something in the oven smells good when he comes to the door (even if it’s the basement door), he can experience a glimmer of hope that you are keeping it together. He really just wants to know that you’re trying; it’s the anxiety that makes him blurt out stuff that sounds bad — really bad.

It’s my belief that, with this bare assurance of your effort, the good man is understanding about disastrous days after all, will pick something up on the way home if alerted, and is capable of processing the laundry after having taken the baby off your hands for a bit.

But as a normal, day-to-day thing, a tiny bit of competence is what the housewife ought to aim for. She shouldn’t retaliate for how it feels to undergo the undeniable challenge of being home with the children. The impulse for revenge has to be fought! Do we want a life of conflict?

If you understood that his helplessness far outruns yours, because he’s out there fighting the dragons and worried about you back home, you’ll take a deep breath.

It’s okay to see that this is what he’s hoping for: a wife who tries. Why? because he wants you to be happy at home; it makes him happy to know you can do it. It’s all he really wants!

So cry if you need to. But also see if you can understand what he’s really trying to say and do something about it. Little by little!

Knitting/Mending Corner

I finished another Good Mouse (but forgot to take a picture).

And I cast on and am past dividing for the sleeves of the Petite Knit Sunday Cardigan. This pattern got under my skin after I saw the one my friend Kathryn was making (which she is frogging, and that’s just how it goes sometimes), and the one made by Sarah in my favorite knitting podcast, It is a Sarah. At some point she talked about how one day she suddenly decided to lengthen her cardigan, and I very much like how that looks. Another knitter did it as well and I think it enhances the design, and will try to do it. Hopefully I have enough yarn.

I did not use Sarah’s suggestion for a nicer edging.

In fact, when I got past the collar (which I may leave without sewing down, as I like that look), and began the increases, I realized I had cast on one extra stitch. This error is a direct result of having done the cast-on over again at least 10 times. Some of those attempts were hopeless from the get-go because I had misread 97 for 79 and the rest were having either a too-long or too-short tail, despite using all the tricks to get it right.

So it’s not surprising I messed up. Instead of going back, I just knit two stitches together just before the button band. The yarn is extra-forgiving and I truly don’t think that “fix” shows, but possibly it threw off the count for the button band.

Anyway, I kept going and then realized I truly do not have the smooth edge, even the one specified (over and over) by the pattern. I don’t think this bothers me? But I keep knitting and so am more and more committed…

I love the yarn, this very rustic Icelandic Alefosslopi.

Did I tell you about going to my local yarn store’s closeout sale? I got a lot — a lot — for 20% off (plus I saved on shipping because their prices were the same as buying online). I got in early so I could get sweater quantities of yarn and colors I love. This was all thanks to generous readers buying me a skein of yarn as a way to support my work.*

I am using a loose gauge because I love the squishiness and softness. My first swatch used the recommended needle and it’s interesting how I did not like the stiffness of the fabric at all — I just know the resulting cardigan would feel heavy and paralyzing, because I have one I bought long ago with that gauge that I tend not to wear.

I thought about my “Breaking Bad Afghan” and how I love in winter to snuggle up with it — how airy and warm it is — and that is the quality I’m going for here.

Maybe I’ll start again. But maybe not.

In other news, my jeans have worn out to the extent of getting a small rip along a weak ridge, and I really cannot stand ripped jeans.

There’s something about it that makes me angry! So I am going to attempt a “visible mend” along these lines:

NB: *I subscribed to Sarah’s YouTube channel because I realized her episodes filled the gap that used to be supplied by issues of Gourmet or Country Living, back in the good old analog days, and I certainly had no resistance to paying for those mourned publications! I realized it is worth supporting her (and truly, it’s not very costly!) to have that fun anticipation of something “coming in the mail” — good content.

I also realized I could in good conscience ask for support for my Substacks if the reader is so moved and has that same feeling of happiness when an “episode” (post) arrives in the inbox! At the same time, I like keeping most of the content available to all. Only the chat and comments on The School for Housewives are for paying subscribers, and that’s just to protect my time a wee bit in answering questions.

bits & piecesOf course we were glued to the images of the white smoke and the appearance of the new Holy Father in the loggia, Pope Leo XIV. We don’t know much about him! We pray for him and for us, after our “long winter” of the previous pontificate. I liked this article about the various signs we can “read” so far: Francis and Leo: Starkly Different From the Loggia

Some baseball trivia: Special mud rubbed on all MLB baseballs has unique, ‘magical’ properties, study finds

This mystery is rather moving: The World War II tragedy still shrouded in silence 80 years later

from the archives:Setting up housekeeping, building a home — advice for a woman preparing for marriage

If you want to know more about Leo XIII, presumably the new Pope’s namesake, read this, maybe with your teens or couples book club: Anthony Esolen’s new book, Reclaiming Catholic Social Teaching

liturgical living

Father Damien de Veuster, SS.CC, St. John of Avila

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

How to Tell Your Family You’re Having (Yet Another) Child!

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on May 10, 2025 08:28

My washer, Miss America!

She was made in 2017 but has the bulky, clunky lines of a 70s Buick. If she were wearing a swimsuit, it would no doubt feature stays. If she were flouncing in an evening gown, it would be made of brown and beige gingham.

She’s not your curvy, chromium, panel-of-blinking-lights millennial beauty, that’s for sure! No computers here!

In fact, she doesn’t have one light. Not one.

I could go for one light, to be honest, to know she was on. But I’m not complaining!

Meet my Speed Queen, Miss America (made totally in Wisconsin!). I had been searching on FBMP for a used one. I am not up for paying $1300 for a new one that has to meet the People’s Commissariat’s dictats about water use etc.

Did you know that washers today don’t fill with water, agitate, spin, and drain, as you might reasonably expect? They don’t even really cover the contents with water, and as far as rinsing goes, they simply spray a bit of water and give the clothes a shake? No wonder things (and especially sheets and towels) just don’t seem, and in fact are not, clean, ever!

I was about to give up, though.

One used appliance place, one state over, had a 20-year-old SQ they wanted $500 for. I went to one other place an hour away and honestly, I feel lucky to still be alive — it was not, shall we say, savory. And the appliances were suspect. I would have risked my well being for a good one, but as it was, I thought it the better part of prudence to make a quick exit.

I was so close to giving up, in fact, that I went into Lowes to see if they had any sort of analog washer (they don’t). I stood in there, fending off perfectly nice salesmen, and sternly spoke to myself in this manner:

“Just be normal. You can buy one of these. How about this one (Whirlpool)? Look! It’s a top loader with a removable agitator. What a good idea! You can get the best of both worlds. You could wash a comforter in there but also agitate a load of jeans.

“Just buy it.”

But then I read the reviews and it was the same old story: the clothes just don’t get clean.

The profound irony of strict water usage regulations: tale after tale of the consumer having to run the cycle again (using double the water) or having to use the second rinse cycle (ditto, though as I say, it’s a pitiful amount). And having the motherboard fail just after the warranty expires.

Reader, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself buy one of them.

Later, I was talking to Deirdre and she reminded me to look on Craigslist.

There I found it, the dream listing:

Speed Queen made in 2017 (which I confirmed by looking at the serial number, and which represents the last year before the dictats really kicked in with a vengeance), like new, stored in a heated place. It was an hour and fifteen minutes away. The Chief and I loaded up in the truck and headed down there.

Just as with my Bosch dishwasher, as we pulled up to the house I realized I had struck gold. You know those houses where the garage is neater than your kitchen? Yes, I will take your “old” appliances, kind, scrupulous, and incredibly conscientious Sir!

Turns out that the seller’s new house has a laundry room configuration that doesn’t allow for a top loader. I guess the cabinetry is too low.

So the Speed Queen, to his wife’s chagrin, had to go. It was well worth the $400 I happily handed over. It is in pristine condition and shows truly no evidence of ever having been used. I could not have been more grateful that their new house wouldn’t take the SQ.

I texted Rosie and Suki (both owners of SQs, though Rosie’s is in storage, as her rental in Fort Worth has the same dumb laundry room situation). They were so happy for me! (Deirdre was too — we rejoiced in person. Bridget and I talked it all over by phone. The boys take it as read.)

My clothes are noticeably cleaner. I’m telling you — you have to have water and strong agitation to get the job done!

I had slowly been boiled in (a very small amount of) water and had forgotten this over the years, becoming inured to yellowing, staining, and general dreariness.

It’s also really fast. Truly a Speed Queen!

I am hoping for all our sakes that now that these oppressive, ruthless, and counterproductive regulations have met the chopping block, things will get better for everyone. Keep your flashing lights and motherboards and connectivity! Give me clean clothes!

bits & piecesSecret note found hidden in Jewish prisoner’s violin at Dachau concentration camp

EPPC report: Study reveals abortion pill harms. Just so you know exactly how the abortion pill is not “just like Tylenol”! As I said to Phil this week on our podcast, I think the harms are probably even greater, because women have a capacity to suffer and not say anything about it. Not always a good thing to be sure.

Excellent review of a book about Pierre Manent, Catholic political philosopher, by our friend, the erudite Dan Mahoney, himself the author of many insightful books.

At The School for Housewives we are talking a bit (in short posts and on the subscribers’ chat) about finding one’s colors. You can see the original, fairly life-changing book about this subject by Carole Jackson, called Color Me Beautiful, here on this site (you have to register, fairly painless).

from the archivesHow to Hang Laundry on the Line

liturgical living

Feast of the Apostles Philip and James

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

Dear Auntie Leila: Are fairy tales always appropriate?

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on May 03, 2025 07:19

Easter! St. Gregory Pocket expansion; More knitting; The curriculum of culture

I hope you had a wonderful Easter! We have things to catch up on, you and I!

Of course it was a wonderful day of sunshine, wind, singing (for most of the Triduum including the Vigil and Sunday morning!), feasting with friends and the family who could make it, for which we are so grateful, and general celebration and gratitude. I was so tired on Monday…

And Easter being so late, it feels like we have to launch ourselves into the garden and get all the outdoor things done!

My old compost bins had fallen apart after many years of service, as I’m sure you could tell by looking out the window in my kitchen sink photos, so the Chief spent a good solid amount of time in making new ones. We use found pallets (the heat-treated ones, not the ones with toxic chemicals). He cuts one into two parts to make the dividers for the three bins. Another day I’ll give you a tour!

And I saw these reed fences at the local job lot place and thought they would be a nice, inexpensive way to spruce up the view as you come up our driveway… and he made me a new gate. I see that one of our rabbit-fenceposts needs to be straightened…

Of course we no sooner take the plow off, than the grass needs to be mown!

St. Gregory Pocket Expansion Corner

For years and years, we’ve encouraged you in ways to make good friends for yourselves and a good future peer group for your growing children. These are just our ideas from our own experiences — it’s not something you sign up with us to do, but rather a template in your own mind and a way to use social media (Facebook) to do real-life things with people who have in common, perhaps, that they love the ideas here on the blog and want to build a community.

Anyway, I have a thought for you and your single friends and relatives.

There are a lot of single young people out there who are really challenged to find a mate! I think it would be good to include your single friends in your gatherings. Now we are starting to have the possibility of nice outdoor Sunday bbqs and casual get-togethers. Young families invite each other over — how about also asking some of the singles in. your community?

Dating is almost always so dreary! It’s pressure. It’s awkwardness. It’s actually not easy to find out whether you like someone under the artificial circumstance of… getting together to see if you like someone. And if you know you don’t want to marry the person (and sometimes, often, you know right away that you don’t), it’s just too much rejection for no reason.

So while I do think casual dating has a place (an almost forgotten role, not easy to pull off), I think that even better would be opportunities to meet in organic groups, and be with others over time, and get to be friends.

I realize there’s the other issue of the friend zone, causing paralysis, but that community of married friends I’m talking about — the St. Gregory Pocket that has the future and the good of all in mind — can play a part in preventing an obviously good couple from stalling out. If friend zoning looms, you married people can take the party concerned aside and urge a move into the next level of, yes, dating, at which stage it’s not awkward, but necessary.

In other words, let’s help our unmarried friends find spouses! Let’s brainstorm. Let’s include them. Let’s do more than set them up to go out. It’s a crisis, people!

Tell us in the comments how you promote marriage among your single friends!

Knitting Corner

I made another mouse!

Part of me is annoyed at how fiddly this process is, and part of me just loves them and can’t stop. I have started a third one… (this is the pattern).

I love the kitty too – did we discuss that one?

This is the first mouse I made — I gave it to my granddaughter for her birthday:

The pattern calls for overalls and little hats. Since I wanted these to be girl mice, I just sort of made the overalls into a dress (and for the new one, I made the pattern for the pullover into a dress by just lengthening it a bit).

I made two little caps but they didn’t really work, to be honest. So I made little headbands instead.

The overalls pattern includes a place for the tail to come out. I made the dress with that little hole, but later I closed it. Now the tail just comes out from under her dress.

I did sew the dress and headband right onto the mouse. In my experience, having toddlers’ dolls’ and stuffed animals’ clothing come off is super annoying.

So this is the new finished mouse:

I crocheted her little headband…

She has little embroidered eyes and a mouth that’s hard to see in the photo:

These are all stuffed with pure wool roving, and you have no idea how nice that makes them feel! I think you can really tell the difference from polyester fiberfill. They are so nice and squishy!

While I was at it, I took out the little doll I wanted to give Deirdre’s 2-year-old at Christmas, but didn’t, because I hadn’t liked her clothes at all — the ones she came with — but found it hard to figure out how to make new ones!

I had tried to make this little dress and petticoat with bits from my stash, and it was okay but they didn’t quite fit and I sort of gave up, with all that was going on at that time.

So while I was knitting the little animals, I made myself just alter the dress while it was on her, and then I figured out that the bunny pullover would work for her. I don’t think the purple is right, but the yellow yarn I had in my stash was just falling apart as I worked with it, so this very Easter-egg ensemble is what we’re going with!

I think a sort of trashy-looking doll gets transformed by throwing away the polyester clothes and giving her new ones, however hacked-together they might be! It takes practice, and the only way is… to practice!

Oh my goodness, I didn’t even have time here to talk about my new washing machine — that will have to wait for next week!

from the archives

I don’t know where on the curriculum acquisition curve you currently are (so done and ready to think about anything else for a season, or looking ahead to next year?), but I just want to say that there isn’t a magic bullet for “teaching your child Bible stories and truths” or “teaching critical thinking” or “mastering Western Civ.” All that is something only a mature culture can bestow. We had that. It was handed down to us and then we set about erasing it. Now a new generation wants shortcuts.

Know that it starts with singing nursery rhymes and telling fairy tales. It’s a slow process and can’t be forced. There has to be room in the curriculum for this sort of reading, not as assignments but as offerings to be enjoyed and discussed in a natural and organic way.

Contrary to what you might read, C. S. Lewis did not say to himself, “How can I teach children about Christ?” He told a story and everything he knew, from the earliest folk tales to the greatest epics to the most sublime philosophy, informed his storytelling. And that’s why Narnia is compelling.

And let’s not discount Pauline Baynes’ contribution to the lasting charm of the books. You can read a wonderful account of her life and work by someone who knew her, here.

This ability of man’s mind to synthesize and transform what it has known into a new creative work that also transmits truth and goodness is something AI can’t do, by the way. Time and time again, writers and publishers start with the wrong end of the stick — “Let’s retell the Gospels,” and I fear, from the results, that AI is involved, instead of the right one: “Let me delight my readers with the truth I have learned, in beauty.”

This is not a matter for overwhelm for parents. Just stick to the tried-and-true. Want your child to know Bible stories? Then tell him Bible stories written by old story-tellers (and read the Bible too) — I have a chapter about this in my book. Want to delight your child? Do it the way your great-grandmother did. Until our culture can be purged of its shortcut-seeking ways, ignore its blandishments.

liturgical living

Saturday within the Octave of Easter

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest

So I heartily recommend this book to you! Enjoy!

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on April 26, 2025 08:23

St. Hildegard’s Garden, out today!

Today is the day Sophia Institute Press releases the beautiful St. Hildegard’s Garden. I wanted to pop in and tell you a bit about it.

I wrote the Foreword for it, an essay about how to approach this unique and admirable saint, whose approach to life and faith transcends our modern categories.

We, chronological snobs, tend towards a certain unexamined sense of superiority towards especially medieval figures, or else we assume that they, in their undeniable excellence, pursued the goals we pursue (such as women’s liberation, the most thought-stopping of all our silly preconceptions). St. Hildegard, Doctor of the Church, deserves better!

The book itself is lovely and perfect for the well curated coffee table. A good part of it consists of beautiful old prints of the plants and herbs St. Hildegard used in her apothecary, and she was a renowned healer in addition to her other, manifold virtues.

If you are interested in expanding your knowledge of the uses of plants in medicine, this book is a pleasurable way to proceed. The author, Paul Ferris, offers her commentary, along with a section on her remedies and recipes. It’s not the only book you’ll end up needing and wanting, but it is in many ways an important one.

St. Hildegard’s understanding of the order of creation, of man’s place in it, and of the providence of God the Creator, offers the hierarchical vision we really need to organize our thoughts about health and healing.

Something I have noticed over the years I’ve delved into the realm of healing plants is how many of them — the ones I turn to most — are regarded simply as weeds! They grow freely and I don’t have to plant them intentionally. In fact, in the past, I pulled them out in my ignorance and discarded them. Not so any more. The more I have pondered God’s care for us in every little aspect, the more attentive I have become to the natural world around me.

My favorites are the goldenrod blooming in late summer, the mullein popping up by the stable, the plantain growing in the lawn, and the marshmallow root that I did plant but now reseeds itself abundantly, living up to my naming it a weed! But a good one.

Collecting the roots, leaves, and flowers is a pleasure; it’s quite easy to dry them for teas. Even making tinctures seems daunting but ends up being much easier than lots of other preservation methods.

PS: Sophia is offering 20% off almost all products on the site! Use the code Hildegard20! (It will come up at checkout as well.)

A good article about Mortimer Adler’s advice to mark up your books so you are really interacting with them: How to Remember Everything You Read

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on April 15, 2025 09:37

Lent, the gate to the Three-Fold Way; seeds; links!

The Liturgical Year is a gift; the gift of Christ Himself, as Pius XII calls it. Lent is the great call to repentance.

And if we step back, we realize something so important for knowing what the pattern of life really is. Everything in the universe exhibits this same pattern: the Three-Fold Way.

That is, there is no plateau, no stasis in our earthly existence. We are in a continual cycle of the three stages that characterize it: Purgation, Illumination (or if that word conjures up something weirdly gnostic or arcane, we can think of it as Understanding, Insight, or Wisdom), and Union.

When I was a new Catholic, diving into the works of the spiritual masters, I was so unclear about this three-fold Way and their description of it. The Interior Castle of St. Theresa of Avila stymied me. I see now that it’s because I interpreted it as a once-and-for-all sort of thing, requiring me to discern where I was in its scheme. I thought you were in one of the stages until you went to the next and got to the end, and got a bit paralyzed with trying to figure out where I was and how I would know.

It’s true that there is a moment of conversion where the soul finally puts away its self-seeking orientation and turns definitively to God. Things change after that.

However, the liturgical year helped me understand that after that one tectonic shift, every soul is always experiencing some aspect of this universal pattern all the time.

Even the greatest saint can fall in an instant, however minimal that fall would look to the outside observer, and then the process of purgation (sorrow for sin, repentance, reparation) has to begin again.

Even the worst sinner can have a moment of enlightenment where, having repented, he sees what he must do and why.

Even the most normal, unremarkable Christian, sorry for his sins, leaving behind bad habits, striving daily for virtue, walking diligently with Christ, will have times of being simply united with Him. All this can happen on a daily or even hourly basis, or it can be the matter of a long wait, the seed lying far under the earth.

The Liturgical Year basically offers us opportunities to participate in this Way. A rather crass image would be that it’s like a bus or train that we are grateful to hop on and get to our destination — but the driver or engineer is the Holy Spirit! He knows where He is going! Each season offers each person exactly what is necessary.

So in Lent, the Church so wonderfully says to us, “Oh, you thought things were going fine and maybe you were in union with Him, but now you need to ride the train of sorrow for your part in His crucifixion, and it’s not a comfy train, though you can choose to get on or not.”

That’s not a message we might naturally wish to hear — especially not with the world telling us how great we are and that what we need is more, not less, coddling.

The Illumination, the understanding, the insight of this time can be so fruitful.

And shortly, Church also says to us, “Enough of that! Now it’s time to rejoice! Regardless! Don’t worry! You weren’t going to get more sorrowful than that just now!” Let’s be honest, those of us who have had Lents during which we paid little attention: the Easter time feels hollow without the purgation that precedes it — feasts require fasts, fasts lead to feasts, because God is good!

This time is coming upon us. The mother of the family has a lot of preparation still to do — the hosting grandmother too, so I won’t see you next week!

But I encourage you to take some time as we enter the final period of interior and exterior preparation to turn to your Little Oratory, the prayer place in your home that signifies, that gives a material form of beauty to, your participation in this liturgical Way, the Way that leads the little souls as well as the great ones, to Him.

Children and the elderly, believer and unbeliever are all drawn to it. Isn’t it in keeping with all the other facts of what we know about the Lord that something so practical, so doable and beautiful as well as universal conveys such spiritual meaning?

Yes, I woke up to quite a bit of snow today! Would love to be posting some daffodil pictures! They are out there somewhere, those Spring flowers!

Gardening Corner

Today I will plant some more flower seeds and some more tomatoes, though it seems as though a lot of last year’s seeds did germinate.

The seeds on the right are herbs and are taking their sweet time. I love sweet marjoram to cook with. It’s like a mild thyme and has a delicate flavor. I never see plants of it for sale. It’s starting in there… also summer savory.

A huge tray of lettuce! I have gone out and put such seedlings in the garden by April 12 in the past — they are quite cold-hardy. I’m not super motivated right now I must say!

I left my planting stuff out in my other area and I’ll get to it all today. It’s nice to have a second sink!

bits & piecesHusband and wife are meant to be friends! The strangest thing is the idea that children prevent our friendship, when actually they promote it. I liked John Cuddeback’s way of putting it here.

I have actually begun, in the past five years or so, taking notes in my books more than I used to. I differ from Adler in a couple of ways, though. I think it’s a mistake to use pen, though the pencil needs to be sharp. (Go ahead and get a good pencil sharpener! This old-school one for the kids (affiliate link), mounted where they can reach it, and an electric one for you, set up somewhere high (I don’t see the kind I have, but you want one that doesn’t have to be emptied super often.)

It’s a problem when you know the book is one that will be handed down to each child in the homeschool. If it’s a real classic, then each child should probably have his own copy, but that’s not always possible, so prudence is necessary.

I think Adler may have had our generation’s assumption (though he’s actually from the previous generation) that the good books wouldn’t go out of print. This is no longer true, and an important reason to haunt second-hand shops and sales. So there is a sense of preservation necessary.

All that said, it has helped me a lot to be able to consult my previous notes and also running headers that provide a sort of guide to the text when I’m flipping through it, trying to find what I remember. For books that are important to forming my world view, thoughts, and inspirations, marking is essential and a good practice to teach our students.

IVF doesn’t address infertility — it just is about getting a baby in any possible way. It can make one’s fertility worse. This video explains this issue and offers moral and effective alternatives. Conceiving a child outside of the womb should be absolutely forbidden.

On reading Scripture in the light of Christ: Tolle, lege: on restoring the heart and hearth through reading.

from the archives

The moral life of the child and how to nurture it (a series)

A few little things to get ready for the Easter Triduum

liturgical living

The Raising of Lazarus

Pope St. Julius I

follow us everywhere!

Here is all the info:

Visit me at The School for Housewives and recommend it to your young friends!

My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them has moved over to Substack! — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing! The old one is still up if you want to look at the comments on past posts.

There you will find the weekly podcast done by Phil and me, called On the Home Front. Do let us know what you think!

My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available from Sophia Press! Also in paperback now! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!

I keep this site ad-free, but you can support me these ways:

Using my affiliate link to my Amazon page — the only affiliate thing that goes on here on LMLD, which is why the blog loads quickly and you don’t have to keep closing pop-ups etc! It opens up an Amazon tab and anything you purchase using that tab for 24 hours sends a bit over my way without cost to you. Thank you for opening it and shopping if you are so minded — as some have asked me. If not, don’t worry one bit.

Buying me a skein or two of yarn! (This will appear on your credit card as “Domus Enterprises” — please remember!)

Thank you!

Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen: Consider subscribing to this blog by email. We would love to pop into your inbox! The subscription box is on this page on the sidebar!

My old podcast, The Home Truths Society, can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) if you haven’t heard them.

We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram, Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.

Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)

The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest