A concrete example of teaching our children “devotion in brotherly love”; a Kindergarten checklist from the past! And lots of links!
{I took down the tree, but not the other decorations. After tomorrow! That’s the plan!}
The family is the school of virtue.
This isn’t a vague aspiration. Daily life in a family gives us all sorts of opportunities to practice the habits of mind and spirit (and even muscle memory, thinking of the necessity of inspiring interior restraint about hitting siblings etc) in order to build up goodness, to become better, to be virtuous — even to be saints!
Something I’ve thought about a lot, because I see many counter examples in the wild, but don’t think I’ve written on is how we can teach our children that the inclination to be envious, to be sad or upset when someone else has good fortune or a blessing, is either normal and expected (leading to it becoming a habitual sin) or a failing of our fallen nature that can be resisted.
Each person can — and, to become good, must — make a decision not to succumb to the immediate unpleasant feeling about another’s happiness.
Here’s an example:
Big sister, we’ll call her Chappie A, gets invited to a party that promises all sorts of excitement. Chappie B, slightly younger sibling, experiences an immediate (and certainly understandable) stroke of deprivation, of being left out, of deeply felt outrage at the injustice of the universe.
I want to warn you against the urge to compensate so Chappie B feels better.
Really think about the temptation you feel to say something like, “Don’t worry, Chappie B! You and I will do something really special. I promise. I’ll make it up to you!”
Ultimately, we can identify that envious response, accept it as real, and still help the child make a choice to be happy for the person’s good fortune — and not sorry for himself.
Self-pity is an ugly state.
That’s a tall order, but it’s exactly what real charity is and what this school must teach. Probably all of us have to work on it! I know I do. So we’ll learn together. (As with everything in the family, the parents are learning too! It truly is a learning community of virtue!)
One thing to mention to your child is how good God is to us in everything. It’s not what he feels right then! However, if we don’t fixate on this one “forbidden fruit” — the thing we’re missing out on — and all the cascading effects of that fixation, where we actually end up sort of hating the person with the good fortune — we come to realize that there are times that we are Chappie A! Something good befalls us! Life will go on and good things will happen. These are the conversations (however brief — you know, not a lecture) we can have.
We certainly don’t want others to envy us, feel bad, or God forbid, start hating us in that instance. So in true “do unto others as you would be done by” fashion, we have to learn the right way to react. Reactions are not necessarily pre-determined. Or if they happen, we can redirect them. We can learn that.
Help your child by saying, “Let’s be happy for Chappie A! It’s okay. I know you feel left out, but your turn will come. Meanwhile, let’s just enjoy this day, knowing she will have fun!”
I found that my own children learned, very quickly, to accept such a situation. I didn’t need to provide some big reward to take their minds off their woebegone state. It’s okay to have a bit of a cry and then cheerfully move on without expecting any compensation.
We would go on with our day as usual. I made a point of it” If something nice turned up, great! If not, also great.
Over time, they really do learn the lesson that good things happen to them too. They learn to be patient. They learn to be happy for each other. I learned a lot from them too, as you can imagine!
In this way we can fulfill the exhortation to “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Romans 10).
The truth is, Chappie B might actually end up being happy with a quiet day at home, spent normally, and it’s funny how the removal of one child can change the balance at home in a positive way after all.
Just because Chappie A is going out, doesn’t mean everyone has to go out at that moment. In fact, the appetite for excitement is something very easily and irrationally increased if we choose to feed it intentionally, not to the benefit of anyone.
“Envy is insatiable. The more you concede to it the more it will demand.” C. S. Lewis
Like other appetites, it can be teased out of nothing — manufactured by indulgence. You might not even be thinking about cheeseburgers or even be hungry, but seeing someone else eat a cheeseburger might, if you lack self-control and wallow in thinking about it, create an artificial hunger.
A side benefit (well, actually a main point) is learning the very important lesson that we really can choose what feelings to pay attention to and how to make sure they don’t take over our reason. Learning to be in control of your feelings (not reject them, but acknowledge them and master them if they aren’t helping you) is actually just growing up! Hard for a three-year-old, of course.
But you have to start somewhere!
Every once in a while something like this makes the rounds:
A very nice picture of what Kindergarten goals can be.
Again, a lot of it is about self control (being careful and polite, hanging up your coat, etc). A lot is about noticing what’s around you. There’s movement and there’s sitting nicely. Playing nicely in the sand… it’s so nice!
Other than reading and writing one’s first name, there’s no reading or writing! No math beyond counting. It’s not an academic list at all, per se, yet I think you can see how necessary the list is for excellence in future studies, and for balanced character development.
Children in the ’50s were quite well educated — certainly far better than today. I think this list is worth pondering. It speaks of many tactile and physical experiences for the young child, opportunities that don’t require a classroom, necessarily. A lot of it can be accomplished at home and by going outside. The rest can take place in a friendly group gathered for the purpose of hearing a story or having a fun time singing songs. The family can be inventive in providing the environment for reaching these goals. E.g. making sure to schedule in trips to the seaside, lake, or river; putting up hooks for the child to hang his outwear on; going over what Mama’s phone number is.
“I can take turns” — what a good objective!
bits & piecesAre you thinking of doing a study with your high school student of epics, Beowulf, medieval literature, poetry? I have been following Andrew Snyder, professor of theology and philosophy at Regent University, and I have been enjoying his hot Lewis and Tolkien takes! Having watched this video,Introduction to Beowulf, and vetted it for the correct attitude towards how to read a book, how to avoid over-analyzing but rather to be sure to enjoy a story, and what to look for in Beowulf in particular, I am confident in recommending the series for you and your student! That the series, called “Life, Death, and Meaning with Beowulf and Boethius, includes a study of the latter, the reading of whom was instrumental in forming my world view (as it must), is a big, tantalizing bonus. I look forward to that part of the instruction. (This is not any sort of ad — the video is free at the moment to watch and I didn’t receive anything for doing so! And I really enjoyed it very much, finding it stimulating and invigorating — it moves quickly but has a lot of content.)
Speaking of Boethius, the study of philosophy is a delicate matter, especially of Aristotle and Plato. I believe (and am in good company with Aristotle himself) it’s not a good idea to foist it on the young, who have many patterns of thought to assimilate before approaching it in a systematic way, not to mention spiritual development necessary to undergo. I found this article to be thought-provoking; I am conscious of the irony of its thesis that questions the primacy of the written word, as is the author, Robert Lazu Kmita: The Art of Interpreting Texts: Plato and would be interested to know your opinion of it.
“Corresponding to the act of live philosophy taking place in the Academus School, which was a religious fellowship based on a mutually and freely accepted relationship between master and disciples, this process is usurped by the philosophical text, which is an inanimate and errant ‘phantom.'”
Women need to resist the urge to be included in institutional meetings. Among other things, meetings are so boring! Reclaiming some of the ancient rituals and customs that honored women is one way to wake up from this destructive nightmare we’re in, where we want to be equal with that which is lower than what God has in mind for us: Women Don’t Need More Ministerial Roles—We Need Churching!
We need to prevent memory loss about the past five years and our experience of lockdown, censorship, and harm. Fr. John Naugle has written about it all from the point of view of Catholic teaching. He compiled a thread of all his writings here.
from the archivesSome homeschooling chitchat (Q & A)
Family priorities
Toddlers are not the problem– how to homeschool with them running around!
Remember when I said not to allow the kids to have the habit of yelling to you from all over? I saw this cartoon and had to laugh!
liturgical living
St. Brigid of Ireland — happy feast day to our Bridget!
Tomorrow is Candlemas! For the first time in forever, I don’t have candles to be blessed — just couldn’t find any. I still have some from last year, and I think I will try to pick up at least the 7-day votives, which I am low on.
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