Marc Chernoff's Blog, page 63

1 Tiny Yet Hard Step You Need to Take for Yourself

Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and tiny steps of progress on a daily basis.

You’re probably familiar with what’s known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

There’s an important lesson here—one that’s very often glossed over…

When a chaotic reality is swirling around us, we often try to relieve our anxiety by exerting our will over external things we cannot control.

It helps us stave off one of the most dreaded feelings: complete powerlessness.

With that in mind, I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that generally speaking, almost everything is (more…)

2 Quick Stories that Will Change the Way You Show Up in Your Relationships

Compliment people. Sometimes you will say something really small and simple, but it will fit right into an empty space in someone’s heart.

This morning, I shared two quick stories on Zoom with a small group of digital Think Better, Live Better conference attendees. “I appreciate the perspective, and the invitation to change how I show up in my relationships,” one attendee replied. A dozen others said they agreed. So, I figured I’d share these stories with you in hopes that you find value in them too. Try to read each one slowly and thoughtfully. Take the little lessons to heart. See how doing so changes how you show up in your interactions and conversations with others today…

Story #1 — True, Good, and Useful

A couple thousand (more…)

7 Difficult Things You Should Start Doing for the People Around You

We are all in this together, so always be kinder than necessary. What goes around comes around. No one has ever made themselves strong by showing how small someone else is. Everyone you meet is learning something, is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something. Know this. And be extra kind today.

In other words, don’t just preach online.

Actually do the difficult things, too.

Be compassionate in whatever way you can.

Be a beacon of hope to people you pass on the street.

Embody what you preach.

Many of the kindest gestures you’ll ever make, and the most important things you’ll ever do, won’t come easy and will never be seen publicly.

Do them anyway… (more…)

An Open Letter to Those Who Want to Make a Bigger Difference Right Now

“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”

—Mahatma Gandhi

This short article was inspired by an email we received this morning from a new course student:

Dear Marc and Angel,

I’m a single mom to two wonderful teenagers, and I’m also a (rather passionate) domestic violence attorney. Although I’ve been told I do a great job on both fronts, I wish to make an even bigger difference. With all that’s going on in society right now, there’s so much positive change and growth I feel I could instill in both my children and the world at large if I could just find the right approach. I wish there was a way to open people’s eyes to the possibilities I see! How can someone like me—someone who has the means—make a bigger difference right now? Do you have any relevant stories or lessons to share?

Sincerely,

A Caring Student

Our reply (an open reply to all who want to make a bigger difference right now):

Dear Caring Student,

It’s time for a quick true story about life…

In 1955, Ella Fitzgerald had a professional music career that spanned nearly two decades. She was a critically acclaimed Jazz musician, and yet she was hardly known by the general public because she was an African American doing amazing things at a time when (more…)

Paths are Made by Walking, Not Waiting: One Lesson We Forget in Hard Times

We waste our time waiting for a path to appear. But it never does. Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. And we forget that there’s absolutely nothing about our present circumstances that prevents us from making progress again, one tiny step at a time.

So, let’s cut to the chase today: What we truly need to do is often what we most feel like avoiding. This is a harsh reality, even in our present times.

Because, if we don’t go after what we want, we will never get it. If we don’t ask the right questions, we will always get the wrong answers. If we don’t take a step forward, we are always going to be standing in the same exact place.

Life is a journey comprised of small steps. The key is to take these steps, every single day, even during harder times that require us to be extra resourceful.

To an extent, we know this already, right?

Yet how often are we stuck in a cycle of worry, fear, and other forms of over-thinking? How often are we aimlessly distracted? And how often do we hide from our problems, or procrastinate? (more…)

1 Sign it’s Finally Time to Take a Step Forward Again (and How to Get Started)

If it entertains you now but will actually hurt you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you need in the long run for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your habits. Determine where your time goes. Delete the toxic distractions.

Taking small steps can make a big difference, especially in tough times, but there’s no getting around the fact that taking these steps is often incredibly uncomfortable. That’s why so many people often don’t do it—at least not initially. But we have to catch ourselves, and remind ourselves that just because it isn’t easy doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. The key is to remember that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable, because that’s where human growth and healing begins.

In order to get something in life, we often have to give something up. In order to change our situation for the better, we have to take some action that’s not necessarily going to be easy or fun. Life is the opposite of perfection. It can be beautiful, of course, but it’s obviously quite messy and chaotic at times. Too often we shy away from taking the next step because we’re afraid it might not be worth the discomfort. It’s scary and uncomfortable to upset the status quo, even when it’s in service of something better.

It all comes down to a single question: what is worth suffering for right now? Is the change you’re wanting to implement—finding a new job, reinventing yourself or your business, ending a relationship, or something else—truly going to help you move toward the life you want to lead in the weeks and months ahead? If so, then it’s a sign that it’s time to step forward, and it’s probably worth enduring some extra pain and discomfort to get there. You can also rephrase the question to help you think through it: How important is moving forward to you? And what are you willing to sacrifice, in the short term and long term, in order to be happier in the long term?

By questioning your situation like this, you’ll realize that there are great reasons to step out of your comfort zone and to suffer. Changes of this magnitude do not come easily for any of us—especially as we collectively deal with the realities of COVID-19—and we understand that. But once you start to (more…)

How to Practice Letting Go (When You Catch Yourself Holding On)

If you worry too much about what might be, or what might have been, you will ignore and overlook what is. Remember this. Happiness is letting go of what you assume life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating it for everything it is.

Over the past decade, as Angel and I have gradually worked with hundreds of our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees, we’ve come to understand that the root cause of most human stress is simply our stubborn propensity to hold on to things. In a nutshell, we hold on tight to the hope that things will go exactly as we imagine, and then we complicate our lives to no end when they don’t.

For example, there are a number of times when our minds cling to unhelpful ideals…

Life isn’t suppose to be this way, I need it to be different
There is only one thing I want, I can’t be happy without it
I am absolutely right, the other person is absolutely wrong
This person should love me, and want to be with me
I should not be alone, should not be overweight, should not be exactly how I am right now, etc.

In all of these common examples the mind holds on tight to something—an ideal—that isn’t real. And, after awhile, the inevitable happens—lots of unnecessary stress, anxiety, unhappiness, self-righteousness, self-hate, and depressive emotions ensue.

So, how can we stop holding on so tight?

By realizing that (more…)

3 Reasonable Responses to Steady Us When Life Feels Unstable

by Rachel Macy Stafford, author of Live Love Now

Because I wrote a book called LIVE LOVE NOW, you might think I am going to tell you how you can live in a constant state of love and positivity now and forevermore. That is not the case, nor is it realistic. As we live life, we inevitably encounter distressing situations and tough periods which can bring forth unloving responses. But when we begin practicing living love, we learn over time how to choose empathy and kindness for ourselves and others, even during times of conflict and instability.

Living love is often messy, and it’s not always easy—but it becomes a recurring gift we can give ourselves and the ones we love. Take a look…

While working on breaking a long and unhealthy relationship with (more…)

1 Secret to Getting Through Tough Situations (and Truly Bad Days)

The sharpest weapon we have against anxiety, negativity and stress is our ability to choose one present thought over another.

Recently, so much has been postponed, closed or canceled. But not everything.

Love has not been postponed, closed or canceled.

Hope has not been postponed, closed or canceled.

Self-care has not been postponed, closed or canceled.

Right now is an opportunity to invest… in the little things that matter most.

The human experience is filled with love, passion, creativity, joy, connection, compassion, laughter…and the taste of chocolate cake. But because we as human beings learn, evolve and grow through life’s ups and downs, our experience also includes plenty of difficult situations and seasons that round us out.

The key right now is to (more…)

3 Tough Things We Need to Do to Be Happy in Tough Times

You are not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even yesterday. You are always growing… stronger!

Sometimes life slams us in the gut, dealing us such a devastating blow it literally takes our breath away.

A pandemic hits, a loved one gets ill, we lose a breadwinning job, someone we know dies, money gets tight, feelings of depression and despondency overwhelm our better judgment… everything just seems to be going wrong.

So, what can we do when the world around us shatters, and we can’t seem to pick up the pieces?

The times when things are falling apart are precisely the best times to practice presence and mindfulness. These are the times we’re always preparing for, in a way, when we pray, meditate, self-reflect, and generally invest in our personal growth during the good times.

Truth be told, when the world seems to be crumbling, there is immense opportunity. But we must (more…)