Marc Chernoff's Blog, page 60

4 Little Things that Will Matter a Lot More to You in 40 Years

God willing, you’ll be gifted another 40 years of life experience.

But even if you aren’t, the core principle of this article remains relevant:

As you age, you’ll learn to value your time, genuine relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will matter.

Deep down you know this already, right?

Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are distracted by everything else.

You give too much of your time to (more…)

10 Things You Must Give Up to Get Yourself Back on Track

If you want to grow and move on to better things, you have to give up the things that hold you back.

Recently, Marc and I received a new thank you email from a longtime reader and coaching client named Kevin (we’re writing about him today with his consent). He said our books and M&A life coaching sessions helped him and his wife Laura maintain a positive, intentional mindset as they struggled and grew through one of the most difficult periods of their lives. Certain sections of his email nearly moved me to tears:

“As you know, after injuring my back, losing my job because of it, being evicted from our apartment, moving in with Laura’s parents, nursing my five-year-old through a nearly fatal bout of strep throat, I was stuck in a tragic rut for far too long. And I was sitting on the front porch of my in-law’s house feeling sorry for myself, yet again, when my old college buddy called me crying and said, ‘Mel-Mel-Melissa, my baby girl, just died in a car wreck.’ And suddenly I felt like the lucky one.”

Kevin then went on to say, “It was the shock of my friend’s tragic loss that motivated me to review four pages of notes I had previously taken from both your book and our most recent coaching sessions. And this time your wisdom sunk in! Suddenly a light bulb illuminated in my mind – and it literally changed my entire outlook from negative to positive. I suddenly realized there were people who needed me to get back up, and infinite reasons and ways to do my very best with what I had. So I started giving up all the negative things I was thinking and doing that had been holding me back; and then I took a bold step forward, and another, and another. And it’s been almost a year now, and I’m happy to say you were right!”

If you can relate to Kevin’s situation in any way, and you’re ready to move forward, I want to remind you that TODAY is the first day of the rest of your life. The road ahead is wide open. You CAN get yourself back on track!

But first, you have to… (more…)

10 Regrets Too Many People Will Have in 10 Years

In the final decade of his life, my grandfather woke up every single day at 7AM, picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk, and took it to my grandmother. One morning, I decided to go with him to see her. And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked up at me and said, “I just wish I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive. She really would have loved that.” As you can imagine, my grandfather’s words touched a nerve in me. And over the years I’ve often reflected on what he said that morning, and how his sentiment relates to everyone and everything I care about.

God willing, when I’m on the cusp of my 80’s, I don’t want to sit with regrets. I don’t want to wish I had done things differently—especially something as simple, yet meaningful, as picking wild flowers for the love of my life.

Don’t you agree?

To an extent, I know you do.

In the end, more than anything else, we regret (more…)

7 Mantras for Those Who Have Lost Their Motivation and Hope

Earlier today, I was sitting on a park bench eating a sandwich for lunch when an elderly couple pulled their car up under a nearby oak tree. They rolled down the windows and turned up some jazz music on the radio. Then the man got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side, and opened the door for the woman. He took her hand and helped her out of her seat, guided her about ten feet away from the car, and they slow danced for the next half hour under the oak tree.

It was a beautiful sight to see. I could have watched them forever. And as they wrapped things up and started making their way back to the car, I clapped my hands in admiration.

Perhaps doing so was obnoxious. Perhaps I should have just appreciated being a silent witness. But I was so caught up in the moment—so incredibly moved—that my hands came together before my conscious mind caught on. And I’m sincerely grateful they did, because what happened next inspired the words you’re reading now.

The elderly couple slowly walked over to me (more…)

40 Hard Things You Need to Hear

I’m sitting here on the tenth anniversary of a dear friend’s passing, thinking about the last conversation I had with her.  With a soft, weak voice she told me her only regret was that she didn’t live every year with the same level of love, passion and purpose she had in the final two years of her life, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  “I’ve accomplished so much recently.  And I’ve touched so many people,” she told me.  “If only I had listened to the good advice of my elders—if only I had known—I would have started sooner.  I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on drama and distractions that don’t matter.”

My friend’s words were hard to hear in that moment, for many reasons.  And although her sentiments—her lessons—were concepts I had listened to others say a hundred times before, I had never truly heard them until that moment.  My heart broke wide open for her, and for me.  It was downright painful to see the glimmers of regret in her eyes, and then to realize that I too had wasted time … that I too had let so much good, common sense advice go in one ear and out the next.

For a decade now, I’ve lived with my late friend’s words echoing in the back of my mind.  I’ve let them (more…)

10 Powerful Mantras to Stop You from Judging People

When we are judging everyone and everything, we are learning nothing.

One of the most incredible changes I’ve made in my life, which has undoubtedly made me a happier person and a better friend, is learning to let go of judging people.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I don’t ever judge others – we all have a tendency to do so by default… it’s a human instinct, and I’m not the exception. But I have learned to catch myself, and to recognize how judging is harmful.

Notice I say “harmful” instead of “bad,” because instead of judging myself, I’d rather observe that the act of judging causes harm.

What underlying harmful conditions are indicated by my tendency to judge people? It varies, but in many cases these points apply…

I don’t know everyone’s full story and I’m therefore ignorant of what most people are going through.I have unrealistic and unjustified expectations of people.I subconsciously believe that I’m somehow better than the people I’m judging.I’m being a bit self-absorbed and egotistical.I’ve lost sight of being grateful for my own blessings and compassionate to those who aren’t as fortunate.I’m not being curious or willing to learn, but instead I’m judging and rejecting people who are different than me.I can’t possibly help the present situation from a place of judgment.How Judging Someone Transpires

Let me give you a personal example of how judging someone plays out so we can see how the harmful conditions above transpire:

I visit an old friend who (more…)

12 Stories of Kindness and Generosity that Will Change the Way You Live

There is no exercise better for the heart and soul than reaching out and lifting others up.

When life is pressing on you and stressing you out, pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are not at the center of the universe.

When you’re overwhelmed by life’s daily struggles, it’s so easy to feel like you’re at the center. But you aren’t. None of us are.

Truth be told, we all have the occasional tendency to put ourselves at the center, and see everything in life from the viewpoint of how it affects us. This can have all kinds of unfavorable effects, from feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we fail to be perfect.

Let me give you a recent example from my life…

This morning I was faced with a painful rejection – an opportunity I applied for was not decided in my favor. At first I felt awful – I felt a familiar feeling of inadequacy. But I caught myself and quickly shifted my focus.

Instead of ruminating over my disappointment, I thought about other people I might help – I thought about writing a new article on marcandangel.com. Finding little ways to help others snaps me out of my self-centered thinking, and then I’m not wallowing in self-pity anymore – I’m starting to think about what others need. I’m not second-guessing myself, because the question of whether I’m inadequate or not is no longer the central question. The central question now is about how I can give back. And writing on marcandangel.com is my go-to way of giving back.

The bottom line is that finding a way to give back – to practice a little kindness and generosity – made a big difference in my life this morning. And it can make a big difference in your life too.

Stories to Shift Your Focus, and Inspire Kindness & Generosity

Over the past decade (more…)

21 Tiny Stories For Those Who Have Lost Their Motivation

This morning I didn’t feel like doing anything. It’s a combination of exhaustion from a few days of hard work and preparation for a group coaching event we’re hosting for our Getting Back to Happy Course students, and a lack of sleep with a sick 7-year-old in the house.

I couldn’t motivate myself to do anything important, which is a rare occurrence for me. I just felt completely drained. I started overthinking things and doubting myself, and wondering whether anything I do is worthwhile.

I sat there in this funk for nearly an hour and wondered how to snap out of it. Should I just forget about today? Should I just give up on this project in front of me, because I’m not as good at it as I thought I was?

That’s what I was considering, at least for a fleeting moment. But the better part of me knew this mild state of depression would soon pass. And just as I started to feel better, a neat bit of synchronicity arrived in my email inbox from Gina, a new course student Marc and I have been coaching over the past few days. The opening lines of her email read:

“I feel so drained, so uninspired. I’m stuck again! My mind is spinning with worry and overwhelm and just a general lack of enthusiasm. Anything you could share? What’s something small I could reflect on and try to remember when I’ve lost my motivation?”

With our student’s permission, I’m answering her inquiry publicly because I know we all need a good reminder in this area sometimes—heaven knows I needed one this morning, too.

While there are many approaches to momentary self-motivation, reflecting on and learning from other people’s stories is paramount. The right story at the right time can move us at our core. Fortunately, the nature of the work Marc and I do as personal development coaches and authors allows us to hear these kinds of stories from clients, students and readers on a daily basis. So, this morning, that’s exactly what I was reflecting on when Gina emailed me. And right now, with full permission from the original sources, I want to share powerful snippets from some of these stories with you. (more…)

25 Things You Need to Stop Wasting Time On

“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”
— Benjamin Franklin

I recently received a thank you email from a reader and course student named Hope. She said our work helped motivate her through an arduous recovery process following a serious car accident last year. Although her entire story was both heartbreaking and inspiring, this one line made me pause and think:

“The happiest moment of my life is still that split-second a year ago when, as I laid crushed under a 2000 pound car, I realized my husband and 9-year-old boy were out of the vehicle and absolutely OK.”

Dire moments like this force us to acknowledge what’s truly important to us. In Hope’s case, it was her husband and son. And in the remainder of her email she talks about how her family spends significantly more time together now, sharing daily stories, telling little jokes, and appreciating each other’s company. “The accident made us realize how much time we had been wasting every day on things that weren’t important, which prevented us from spending quality time with each other,” she said.

It’s hard to think about a story like Hope’s and not ask yourself: What do I need to stop wasting time on?

Here are some things to consider that I’ve been examining in my own life: (more…)

One Hard Thing You Must Admit Before Your Life Slips Away

NEW BOOK ALERT: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our brand new book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.

Let’s start with a story that Marc wrote about the night we met . . .

She has light brown hair, a seductive smile, and the most engaging set of hazel-green eyes I’ve ever seen.  It’s the kind of engaging I can’t ignore—the kind that makes me want to engage too.  Because she’s mysterious.  And I’m curious.  And I need to know more.

Yet, I do my best to avoid making eye contact.  So I stare down at the pool table and pretend to study my opponent’s next move.  But only long enough for her to look the other way, so I can once again catch a glimpse of magnificence.

I do this, not because she intimidates me, but because I think she may be the girl Chad met last night.  A wild night that, he said, “involved two bottles of port wine, chocolate cake, and sweaty bed sheets.”

Then, just as her eyes unexpectedly meet mine, (more…)