Marc Chernoff's Blog, page 58

One Hard Thing Mentally Strong People Do When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

It’s wild how we outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted. Life keeps leading us down paths we would never travel if it were up to us.

Don’t be afraid.

Have faith.

Trust the journey.

Don’t let your expectations of how life “should be” blind you to the (more…)

10 Little Things to Remember When Life No Longer Excites You

Once upon a time, there was a girl who could do anything in the world she wanted. All she had to do was choose something and focus. So one day she sat down in front of a blank canvas and began to paint. Every stroke was more perfect than the next, slowly and gracefully converging to build a flawless masterpiece. And when she eventually finished painting, she stared proudly at her work and smiled.

It was obvious to the clouds and the stars, who were always watching over her, that she had a gift. She was an artist. And she knew it too. She felt it in every fiber of her being. But a few moments after she finished painting, she got anxious and quickly stood up. Because she realized that while she had the ability to do anything in the world she wanted to do, she was simply spending her time moving paint around on a piece of canvas.

She felt like there was so much more in the world to see and do – so many options. And if she ultimately decided to do something else with her life, then all the time she spent painting would be a waste. So she (more…)

20 Beliefs You Will Gradually Let Go of Over the Next 20 Years

The afternoon always understands what the morning never even suspected.

Everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head.

Every day. All the time.

YOU are telling yourself a story right now.

And this story is simply a collection of beliefs that ultimately makes you what you are – it lays the foundation for every action you take or don’t take in life. In essence, you build yourself out of this story, one day at a time.

For a while everything aligns just fine, or so it seems, and life is good.

But then at some point, perhaps sometime in your thirties, forties or fifties, you get slapped with a harsh reality (more…)

10 “Notes to Self” that Will Stop You from Taking Things Personally

Let’s start off with a simple question:

Why do we always take things so personally?

There are admittedly quite a few viable and valid answers to consider. But, the one Angel and I have found to be most common through a decade of one-on-one coaching with our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees is the tendency we all have of putting ourselves at the center, and seeing everything — every event, conversation, circumstance, etc.—from the viewpoint of how it relates to us on a personal level. And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go exactly as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.

Of course, we are not really at the center of everything. That’s not how the universe works. It just sometimes seems that way to us. Let’s consider a few everyday examples…

Someone storms into the room in a really bad mood, huffing and puffing, and addresses us in a rude way. Immediately we think to ourselves, “What’s going on here? I don’t deserve to be treated like this! They should know better!” And we (more…)

20 Morning Mantras to Start the Day Loving People (Instead of Judging or Ignoring Them)

You’d like Michelle a lot. Most people do. She’s the kind of person who listens when you talk, who smiles often, and who says things that make the people around her smile. She’s incredibly intelligent, but in a way that makes others feel comfortable. It’s the way she expresses herself in simple terms you can understand — almost like she’s articulating the thoughts you already have in your head, but haven’t quite found the right words to say aloud.

And it doesn’t matter who you are either. Michelle always has a way of relating to you. Because, in a way, she’s been there with you all along. She can think like you, so she understands you. It’s truly a special gift. So many of us have limitations in our perceptions. We understand the soldiers but not the politics governing the wars. We understand the people who go to the movies but not the ones who attend rodeos. But somehow, Michelle gets all of us. Again, it’s her gift.

If she hasn’t actually been to the rodeo you’re talking about — or any rodeo at all for that matter — she’ll be honest about it, but she’ll make you feel as if she was right there with you when you attended. And once you return home after spending a night with Michelle, you’ll catch yourself smiling and thinking about how there needs to be more people like her in the world. Because if there were, there would be far less to worry about.

Michelle passed away today. I don’t really want (more…)

19 Great Truths My Grandmother Told Me on Her 90th Birthday

“I have seen and touched and danced and sang and climbed and loved and meditated on a lifetime spent living honestly. Should it all end tonight, I can positively say there would be no regrets. I feel fortunate to have walked 90 years in my shoes. I am truly lucky. I really have lived 1,000 times over.”

Those are the opening lines of the final entry in my grandmother Zelda’s journal—a 270-page leather-bound journal she wrote small entries in almost every morning during the final decade of her life. In it, she reflected on lessons she had learned, lessons she was still learning, and the experiences that made these understandings possible.

When my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer on her 90th birthday, I sat with her in a hospital room for the entire day, in silence, in laughter, in tears, and in awe. Although her body was weak, her mind was intensely strong. The terminal diagnosis inspired her to think about her life, everything she had journaled about over the years, and reflect aloud. So, I gave her the stage—my undivided attention—from sunrise until sunset.

As I sat beside her hospital bed, she (more…)

7 Powerful Yet Simple Metaphors that Will Change the Way You Think

A metaphor is not an ornament. It’s a necessary lens of perception that allows us to experience and think about ourselves and the world more clearly. Metaphors have a way of relating to us in the most profound way, by clarifying immense truths and intricate lessons in fairly minimal space.

Angel and I have shared the following metaphors and corresponding stories with our students, coaching clients, readers, and conference attendees dozens of times over the past decade, and we usually get thanked for doing so. The specifics differ slightly every time we share them, but the core lessons carry forth.

My challenge for you today is to read the first metaphor below. Then come back tomorrow and read the next one. Give yourself a little extra perspective every day this week. See how doing so gracefully changes your thinking (more…)

52 Good Morning Mantras (That Will Change Your Life)

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.

Here are 52 morning mantras – one for each week of the year (note: you can start your year of morning mantras anytime you want). I choose one of these mantras every Sunday morning and sit quietly for two minutes, repeating it silently in my mind as if I were meditating. I also write it on a post-it note and stick it next to my computer monitor for the duration of the week. This weekly ritual has helped reduce unnecessary stress in my life by reminding me to keep things simple, peaceful and in perspective. (more…)

27 Simple Things to Start Doing for Your Happiness

It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life: YOU.

I am endlessly fascinated by the link between the way we choose to live our lives and the happiness we enjoy on a daily basis. There are choices that you make every day, some of which seem completely unrelated to your happiness, that dramatically impact the way you feel mentally and physically.

Over the years, through our coaching practice, live events, and happiness course, Marc and I have literally spoken to hundreds of people who are struggling to find happiness in their lives. And what we’ve found is that it usually isn’t what you have, where you are, or what you’ve been through that makes you happy or unhappy, it’s how you think about it all and what you do with it.

In our daily lives it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees and completely overlook some of the small, simple things that can disproportionally affect our levels of happiness and general fulfillment.

Luckily, you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself. Marc and I have spent the better part of a decade working one-on-one with our clients and finding the right habits and behaviors that support sustained happiness. Below, I take a quick look at some of the more actionable tips that can be easily worked into your daily routine. (more…)

4 Powerful Lessons You Gradually Learn as You Let Go of the Past

If somebody is working on themselves and changing for the better, it’s unnecessary to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow. You know this is true.

But, have you given yourself a fair chance recently to change and grow, too?

Have you consciously loosened your grip on everything that’s behind you, so you can step forward again with grace?

If you’re shaking your head, you aren’t alone. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been there myself, and I know dozens of others in the same boat. At times, we all fall victim to our attachments. And sometimes we don’t even realize we’re blocking our own present blessings by holding on to the past. Do your best to realize this right now…

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere in the past.

Let me share a quick true story with you…

When Our Old Stories Hold Us Back

She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. She doesn’t have to feel ashamed about her past. The ground just accepts her for who she is right now.

As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at (more…)