Marc Chernoff's Blog, page 61

12 “Notes to Self” You Should Memorize Before the New Year

As 2022 winds down, I know many of us are yearning for a simple and selective range of life experiences right now—the happy holidays, the normal times, the settings and experiences that make us feel comfortable. And yet, the full range of our reality is often quite different. This year continues to give us an extensive array of experiences that evoke feelings ranging from sadness to struggle to pride to growth to hope, and more.

So we have a choice today. We can revolt against the unfairness of life—the unfairness of having to deal with discomfort, having to cope with uncertainty, having to feel lonely and uneasy and upset. Or we can (more…)

30 Little Challenges for Finishing the Year Strong

Think a little less about managing your problems and a little more about managing your focus.

Ready to finish the year strong?

Inner peace and progress are both built through small daily victories. It’s the individual choices we make day to day that make us whole in the long run. Yes, the happiness of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your daily actions.

So for the days and weeks ahead, challenge yourself to focus on one or more of these:

When a new day begins, challenge yourself to smile genuinely and gratefully.When you don’t get what you want, challenge yourself to (more…)

How to Find Gratitude When Everything Goes Wrong

Angel and I recently interviewed a minimum wage motel housekeeper in Miami for a side project we’re working on inspired by our New York Times bestselling book, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs. “Do you like your job?” we asked her. To our surprise, she smiled from ear to ear and was breathless for a couple moments. She finally collected herself and said, “I can’t believe how much I love my job! I get to make dozens of our guests happy every day and feed my two beautiful children at the same time…”

Then, at that same motel 30 minutes later, we met a family of six in the lobby. They were (more…)

19 Signs You’re Doing Better than You Think

Even in uncertain times, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.

True wealth is the ability to fully experience life.
– Henry David Thoreau

You are alive.You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.You had a choice of what clothes to wear.You haven’t feared for your life today.You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned (more…)

12 Little Things You Should Know Before Letting Go

(NOTE: This is an excerpt from “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)

She rarely makes eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. The ground just accepts her for who she is.

As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at her vodka tonic, and then the ground, and then her vodka tonic. “Most people don’t get me,” she says. “They ask me questions like, ‘What’s your problem?’ or ‘Were you mistreated as a child?’ But I never respond. Because I don’t feel like explaining myself. And I don’t think they really care anyway.”

The music is getting loud and I can see that she needs to talk. I ask, “Want to get some fresh air?”

In the chilly night air, she tells me her story. (more…)

16 Simple Ways to Love Yourself Again

Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

“Today I lost the respect of a few people I love, and the desire to kill myself, when I finally took your advice and told everyone the truth about who I really am and what I’ve decided to do with my life.  In a nutshell, I’ve chosen to love and honor myself, instead of convincing others to do it for me every day.”

Those are lines right out of a live chat session I had this morning with a longtime reader and new course member of ours.  Although this person asked to remain anonymous, they gave me permission to share this with you, and I’m so glad they did.

Because the greatest struggle in life is the struggle to accept, embrace and love ourselves, with all of our imperfections.  To be 100% honest about who we are, how we feel and what we need.  To stop discrediting ourselves for everything we aren’t, and start giving ourselves credit for everything we are.  And to be aware that not everyone we love will agree with us every step of the way, and to be OK with it.

We have to learn to be our own best friends, because sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.  We love the idea of others loving us, and we forget to love ourselves.

What we must realize is that our greatest task is not about discovering self-love; it’s about breaking down the walls we have built against it.  When we have the courage to push through these walls – to know and embrace ourselves, despite our humanness, our flaws, and our rejections – we also open the door to connecting in more caring, empathic and intimate ways with others who are truly worth loving.

Which is why it’s time to… (more…)

12 Daily Reminders We Need to Read Every Morning for the Rest of the Year

Where you ultimately end up is dependent on your daily attitude and response.

This morning one of our coaching clients, Monica—a recovering victim of a fairly recent and debilitating car accident—was smiling from ear to ear the minute our FaceTime coaching session began. “What has you in such good spirits today?” I asked her. “I’m thinking differently about things…about how lucky I am to be alive,” she replied. “I thought the injuries I sustained in that accident last year signified the end of life as I know it, but now I realize they signify the beginning.”

All details aside, Monica decided to begin again, in her mind first and then in her life. It’s taken her several months of healing and practice, but she has consciously let go of the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” attachments in her head about her circumstances, and she has stepped forward with grace and determination. Her new beginning has nothing to do with the recent New Year, and everything to do with a new way of thinking.

Truth be told, today is really the beginning, for all of us. And we can prevent the wrong thoughts and beliefs from getting the best of us as we move forward with our lives in 2021. We can train our minds to make the very best of the present moment, even when our circumstances are far less than ideal. All it takes is practice.

The mind is like a muscle, and just like every muscle in the human body, it needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be trained daily to grow and develop gradually over time. If you haven’t pushed your mind in a dozen little, positive ways over the course of time, of course it’ll crumble on the inevitable days that get overwhelmingly stressful.

The easiest way to begin strengthening the mind? (more…)

Don’t Be Afraid to Do These 10 Hard Things for Yourself

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
—Mae West

This morning a close neighborhood friend, Alison, passed away far too early. While Angel and I have spent most of the day grieving, I’ve also spent this past hour thinking about the fact that our lives are often much shorter than we expect, and that we need to do some pretty darn hard things to maximize our very limited time. Alison strongly believed in doing the hard yet necessary things in life—we talked about this topic on several occasions, and she never backed down from a challenge. So today, I want to reflect on this with you.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you absolutely need to do hard things to be happy in the long run. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and change your life. They make the difference between (more…)

20 Things to Remember When Rejection Hurts

(NOTE: This post is a direct excerpt from the Self-Love & Self-Worth section of our newest book, “1000 Little Habits of Happy, Successful Relationships“.)

Be OK with walking away. Rejection teaches you how to reject what’s not right for you.

As you look back on your life, you will realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or from something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.

Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’ve been there.

As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected—you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.” What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is not worthy of you and your particular journey.

Rejection is necessary medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so that you can find the right ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and explore your options.

Will you be bitter for a moment? Absolutely. Hurt? Of course—you’re human. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of their heart break at the realization of rejection. For a short time afterward, you will ask yourself every question you can think of:

What did I do wrong?Why didn’t they care about me?How come?

But then you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way! This is the important part. Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire one heck of a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.

Honestly, if you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check (more…)

An Open Letter to Those Who Don’t Feel “Good Enough”

Oftentimes the hardest part of the journey is simply believing you’re worthy of the trip.

This short article was inspired by an email we received last night from a new course student:

Dear Marc and Angel,

Life hasn’t been the easiest on me over this past decade.  I won’t get into all the details now, but these hard times have left me with many cracks.  And although I’ve still managed to be a reasonably successful person, I often struggle desperately with my self-confidence.  I just don’t feel good enough most of the time.  I feel flawed.  I feel like my cracks make me undesirable.  It’s all in my head – I know it is!  But I really need help shifting my mindset.  I need a new outlook.  Do you have any insight that might assist me?

Sincerely,
A Shy Student

Our reply (an open reply to all who don’t feel “good enough”):

Dear Shy Student,

It’s time for a quick story about life…

Once upon a time there was an elderly woman who needed to walk down to the (more…)