Travis S. Miller's Blog, page 6

Signs You Are Obsessed With Your Ex

If you are here reading this, chances are you still have strong feelings for your ex, and want him or her back. I’m the first one to say, if you still love someone, then fight for your relationship. Too many people give up just because getting your ex back is hard.



But sometimes, we hold onto someone or something for all the wrong reasons. And some of us even know that the relationship is bad for us, and have been told so by several friends and relatives but we still hold on when we should be letting go.



If any of these apply to you, please think again as to why you are holding onto that relationship. May be your neediness and clinging is causing an obsession with your ex.



1. The relationship ended because you worried too much, were overly jealous and became too controlling and needy.



2. When you think about not having your ex in your life, you feel like your life is over.



3. Constantly monitoring your ex to see what he/she is doing is consuming most of your time. Try as you can, you just can’t help yourself.



4. You suffer from terrible anxiety and fear which can only be relieved by re-establishing contact with your ex.



5. The thought of your ex with someone new sends you into panic mode, and makes you feel inadequate and worthless.



6. You were very unhappy in the relationship and felt that it was better not to be together, but now that you are broken up, you want your ex back so bad.



7. You are willing to do anything and everything your ex says he/she wants you to do, if that will get your ex back.



8. You keep telling yourself how much your ex loves you and how much he/she misses you, even when the reality is that your ex hasn’t contacted you in weeks and even when you make contact, he/she doesn’t show much interest.



9. The main reason you want your ex back because right now it hurts so much and having him or her back in your life will make it better.



10. You have a pattern of staying too long in bad relationships.



If most of the above apply to you, you have lost the capacity to direct your own life, no wonder you feel so out of control. To move toward recovery, your first steps must be to recognize that you are “needy and clingy” and then try to work on why you are the way you are in the first place.



If you do not work on the neediness and clinging, your efforts to get your ex back are a distraction and a waste of time at best. At worst, your are extremely vulnerable to emotional abuse by a selfish, narcissistic and manipulative ex.

Move Your Relationship Forward Faster

How often have you met someone you’re so in love with and you wish, dream and pray that he or she is the person you’ll spend the rest of your days on earth with, then for some reason something happens inside of you and you find yourself rushing the relationship to a premature ending?



My guess is quite a few times. And if you’re reading this, this is probably happening to you right now, or has recently happened to you. You’re not alone — if that’s any comfort.



Almost everyone these days has a “Screw love! I want my (phone call, text message, date, orgasm, commitment, ring, wedding) right now!” attitude towards dating and relationships. To go S-L-O-W-L-Y and let love take it’s natural course seems to be against the grain in our over busy and over stimulated society. It seems so counter intuitive — even scary!



But this “rushing to nowhere” attitude has caused many relationships with great potential to end before they even had a chance to see the light of day. It’s also caused many relationships to struggle on-and-off for several years with no end in sight. But most of all, it’s resulted in many broken hearts and many broken relationship dreams.



Speeding full speed ahead with nothing but expectation, fantasy and determination usually guarantees an abrupt screeching end. When the dust settles, you’re left with dirt grains of what “could have been” and “might have been”.



Relationships never happen or grow through the attempt to make them happen as fast as possible. Rushing a relationship will actually increase the chances of making irreversible mistakes and keeps us reacting to what we do not want instead of creating what we want.



Slowing down on the other hand, allows you to move faster, further and with greater purpose especially when the relationship is just not happening and there seems to be no other option but to give up.



It’s important to keep in mind that “slowing down in order to move things forward faster” is not the same as playing it safe and “waiting until the coast is clear”. If you simply sit back and “wait” for things to work themselves out to your favor, don’t be surprised, upset or hurt when weeks and months later, you find yourself wondering what happened to “slowing down”.



“Slowing down to move things forward faster” is about knowing when to act and not act, what to act on and what to do nothing about. It’s also about having the patience to wait for clarity before acting. Above all, it’s about letting be, and letting love!



Love takes it’s time, you should too. Instead of focusing on speed, focus on love and you’ll see your relationship unfold in ways you never thought possible — E-V-E-R!

"Good” To Your Partner Can Negatively Affect Your Relationship

Couples having problems are often advised to be more supportive of each other, but too much support — or the wrong kind of support — may actually do more harm than good to your relationship according to a series of recent studies.



In studies of heterosexual couples in their first few years of marriage, researchers found that both partners are happier if husbands receive the right type of support, and if wives ask for support when they need it.



In one study, Erika Lawrence, associate professor of psychology in the University of Iowa College of Liberal Arts and Sciences and colleagues discovered that receiving more support than desired is a greater risk factor for marital decline than not being there for a spouse.



“If you don’t get enough support, you can make up for that with family and friends — especially women, who tend to have multiple sources of support,” she said. “When you receive too much support, there’s no way to adjust for that.”



Too much informational support — usually in the form of unwanted advice-giving — is the most detrimental. In contrast, you can never go wrong providing esteem support, assuming it’s genuine.



For men, it’s important that their wives provide the right kind of support, offering emotional, informational, tangible or esteem support as needed. For wives, it’s more important that their husbands try to be supportive — even if what they do doesn’t quite hit the mark.



“Both parties are more satisfied if the husband gets the right kind of support, and if the wife feels like she’s supported,” Lawrence said. “Husbands shouldn't throw their hands up if they’re not sure what to do. They need to stay in there and keep trying, because we found that women appreciate the effort.”



The findings illustrate the need for couples to understand the various ways they can be supportive, and the importance of communicating what they need and when, said Lawrence.



“The assumption is that men just want to be left alone and women want to be held and listened to,” Lawrence said. “In reality, different men want different kinds of support, and different women want different kinds of support.”  Couples will be happier if they learn how to say, ‘This is how I’m feeling, and this is how you can help me.'”



Lawrence said dialog is key. If you need support, request it; if you’re providing support, ask how you can help — don’t assume you know what to do. Afterward, talk about what worked and what didn’t, and adjust accordingly.

Ex Says It Will Not Work

Let’s be honest here. It’s is so much easier to say, just “let things happen naturally” than actually “Let. Things. Happen. Naturally.



Even for the most laid back and most patient of us, there comes a time when you want to “hurry” things up a little.



Although still open to contact and even going out on dates, your ex doesn’t seem able to make us his/her mind. You get the feeling that he/she is struggling with whether he/should give the relationship another chance or not.



The best thing you can do in a situation like this is determine if your ex’s difficulty making up his/her mind is because he/she thinks it CAN’T work between the two of you, or if he/she simply thinks the relationship WILL NOT work.



There is a difference between “it can’t work” and “it will not work”, and this difference may well be that little thing you need for it to “click”.



1. When your ex says the relationship “will not work”, he/she is CHOOSING not to give the relationship another chance. What they are saying to you is “I could, if I wanted to, but I’m choosing not to”.



In my experience, someone will often “choose” not to give the relationship another chance because he/she is judging you based on what he/she knew about you before the break-up — behaviours, habits, preferences, interests etc. Changing “I won’t” to “I want” not only means changing the old perception your ex has of you, but also convincing your ex that there is more you bring to the relationship this time round, and that the additional value will be worth it for him/her.



2. When your ex says “it can’t work” between the two of you, he/she is saying, if he/she could, he/she would give you what you want or agree to what you want, but for reasons beyond his/her control (at the time), he/she can’t give you what you want or agree to what you want.



Quite often the reason an ex will say “it can’t work”,  is because he/she believes that you are two different people who want different things. It maybe that you are in different places in your lives, your goals have changed over time or you are not the person he/she thought you were.



It’s much harder to convince someone that you are right for him/her or that you want the same things. It takes skill, patience and good ol good luck. But it can be done by breaking down those difference to wants and needs and coming up with solutions that address those wants and needs.



It’s a bumpy ride ahead but you aren’t going to get very far getting frustrated and cutting off contact with your ex, trying to force your ex to “make up” his/her mind or fearing to say this or do that and waiting for things to happen naturally. You have to carefully move things forward to make ANY progress.

Some People Get Back Their Ex and Others Don’t

When someone comes to me asking for help getting their ex back, one of the things I look for is if there was strong enough emotional attraction and if enough time had been spent creating an emotionally safe relationship.



A good number of people are quick to say, yes to both. But when I ask a few questions, we both quickly realize that in fact the emotional attraction was minimal or wasn’t there at all, and not much attention had been paid to creating a strong emotional connection.



When there is no emotional attraction or when the emotional bond between two people is weak, it usually shows. While the relationship may seem stable – and even exciting and passionate on the surface, the emotional safety needed for open and honest communication, trust, respect, and even liking may be missing.



Nowhere does lack of emotional connection, emotional bonding and emotional safety show more than when two people go through a rough spot in the relationship, more especially just before, during and after a break-up.



Where the emotional attraction or the emotional bond between two people is weak there is usually a dysfunction in communication just before the break up, hostility during a break up and emotional disconnection after the breakup.



Where the emotional bond is strong, both people find it painful to just break away and act like they never knew each other. Some people choose to remain friends, others mutually agree to completely severe ties and most reconnect at some later stage in life with no hurt feelings.



But it’s in when one or both people are trying to get back together that the lack of emotional attraction or a weak emotional connection really becomes the deciding factor.



It goes without saying that no relationship is perfect, and there are varying degrees of “emotional safety.” See how you answer to these five questions (zero being “never” and ten being “all the time”), it may just give you an indication of what your chances of getting back together are. Be completely honest with yourself, it doesn’t do you any good lying to yourself.



1. Did you both feel safe enough to tell each other everything (your inner thoughts and feelings) holding nothing back?



2. Was there this strong urge (on both sides) to share your ideas, thoughts, and interests with the other; and were you able to build on each other’s ideas, and thoughts to a point where you always felt that you both wanted what’s best for yourselves and for each other?



3. Did you both have the feeling that the other was emotionally invested and making enough of an effort to nurture the relationship?



4. Did you trust your partner and did he or she believe that you were honest, trustworthy and had no hidden agenda?



5. When you had a disagreement or fight did you communicate honestly, forgive yourselves and each other, talk about what you learned from the experience and move on?



Congratulations, if you feel good about your answers. Your task now is to take the momentary lapse in emotional safety back into the emotionally safe zone. If you can do that, you’re already half way to getting your ex back.



If your responses leave you feeling like you didn’t do enough to create an emotionally safe relationship, this is where you should be starting from. If your ex doesn’t feel emotionally safe to return to the relationship, nothing will work.

Get Back Someone Who Was Unhappy?

Can you get back someone who left because he/she was unhappy in the relationship?



My personal opinion is that yes, you can. I strongly believe that most relationships problems can be resolved with the right skills, approach, attitude and goodwill.



But even I admit that getting back someone who left because he/she was not happy or felt dissatisfied in the relationship is much harder.



According to Keith Sanford, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and neuroscience in Baylor’s College of Arts & Sciences, “A person’s level of relationship satisfaction is, by and large, a much stronger predictor of progress toward conflict resolution.”



In an effort to try to understand how a couple can have a big conflict and feel upset with each other, and then later proceed to a new point where the conflict is resolved and they feel happy with each other again, Sanford recruited a sample of 734 people in heterosexual marriages or cohabitation relationships. Each participant completed an Internet questionnaire that involved identifying a recent relationship conflict and answering questions about his or her use of negative communication. Importantly, participants also rated how upset they felt when the conflict was at its peak and also how they currently felt about the conflict.



“I used the difference between these two ratings as a measure of the extent of progress participants made toward resolution,” Sanford said.



“What I found was that the results were different for people in satisfying relationships and people in unhappy relationships,” he said. “For people in satisfying relationships, negative communication was associated with having bigger conflicts, but this effect was entirely harmless because big conflicts were always followed by big resolutions.



“People in satisfying relationships resolved their conflicts regardless of whether they used negative communication or not. In contrast, people in unhappy relationships tended to have big conflicts, and they tended to have trouble resolving their conflicts — and this was often true regardless of the type of communication they used.”



Until now, there have been two opposing ideas on negative communication in conflict: one is to refrain from using it, while the other suggests doing so is a natural part of productive interaction to resolve conflict.



To the extent that negative communication played any role, it appeared to be detrimental for resolution, but this effect was mostly negligible, Sanford said.



“It is important to keep in mind that communication may still be important in relationships for many reasons other than resolving conflicts. However, when it comes to resolving conflicts, it appears that keeping a feeling of satisfaction alive in a relationship is more important than the type of communication you use.”



In a layman’s language, if you are trying to get back an ex who walked away because he/she was unhappy or felt dissatisfied in the relationship, just pacing your contacts (aka low contact) or talking “nice” to your ex isn’t going to make him/her want to come back. What you should be working on is making sure that your ex feels that the relationship will meet his/her needs and wants.

Take It Slow And Get Your Ex Back

Much of the resistance most people trying to get their ex back encounter, or the pulling away they experience from their ex comes from bad timing.



The most common timing mistakes are:



1. Pushing too hard, moving too quickly, and getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you.



2. Asking to get back together when your ex is not ready.



These two timing mistakes are sure ways to experience frustration, and bring the whole process to a pre-mature end. The faster you go, the greater the risk for failure.



In this article, I’ll talk about timing mistake No. 1 – getting  ahead of your ex’s feelings for you.



To make sure that you are not moving too ahead of your ex’s feelings for you, ask yourself, “Do my ex’s words and actions show that he/she feels for me the way I feel for him/her?”



If you find that you are ahead of your ex’s feelings for you, slow your pace, and take smaller steps.



Notice, I didn’t say, “give him/her his/her space”.



“Give him/her his/her space”, the way many people use it is really, “I can’t stop myself from acting needy and pushy, so I’ll go sit in my corner of the world. Hopefully, you’ll miss me and take me back”.



Because they lack the self-control needed to regulate contact, needy and pushy people employ the ALL (too much contact) or NOTHING (no contact) approach to connection. Most just end up with nothing.



If your ex has not come out straight and told you “I need my space/no contact”, or shown you in small ways that you are asking more of his her time and space than what he/she can give you (or wants to give you), it makes no sense giving him/her the “space” he/she has not asked for, and does not need or want. It especially makes no sense if your ex is making effort to communicate and you suddenly pull away thinking that you’re “giving him/her his/her space”. Chances of your ex misinterpreting you misguided move are very high.



If he/she still had strong feelings for you, your “giving your ex space” he/she does not need or want can be interpreted as you are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship. If there are lingering feelings of mistrust, your ex will see your pulling away as a mind game and either react with pulling away as well, or end the whole thing and move on.



If the answer to, “Do my ex’s words and actions show that he/she feels for me the way I feel for him/her?” is no, the best course of action is to take it slow.



Taking it slow means slowing the pace at which things are moving forward so that you can go further much faster. The key word here is “move”. If there is no movement because you are giving him/her ” space”, you are not taking it slow. You are foot-dragging, hesitating on taking necessary action and missing  opportunities to change things.



Taking it slow means that instead of rushing through the process, you take one small step, see it’s impact and then take the next small step. It means constantly asking yourself, “What can I say or do that might move my ex the smallest step towards where he/she needs to be able to make a decision to get back together?”



Last but not least, taking it slow means not rushing the other person to a decision (any decision) until he/she is ready to make one.



Taking it slow ensures that you are not getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you. It ensures that you are not putting an enormous amount of pressure on your ex.



By taking small steps, you are not only able to see the impact of your words and actions, it also allows you to course-correct before things reach the point of no return.

You NEED To React To These Relationship Red Flags Immediately

Of course there are always the ups and downs in any long-term relationship. There are the times when you want to spend less time at home and more time out with the guys (Who hasn't dealt with that one?), there are the periods when things start feeling less exciting and there are the days when nothing you say is taken the right way. Most of this can be brushed off as relationship hiccups. But if you find yourself constantly explaining to your friends, to your parents and to yourself why you feel like you need more alone time, or the nothing-feels-exciting feeling never lets up, it's time to rethink where you're at. These eleven relationship hurdles might be the wake-up calls you need to either make major changes within your relationship -- or to get out entirely.



Nobody ever said relationships were easy. But an age gap does sometimes make them more challenging. While age doesn't need to be a major issue, some common issues that come up are outlined in the video above. Make sure you're both aware of these hurdles and are open to discussing them. Otherwise, you're bound to run into trouble.



You're Cheating/She's Cheating





Cheating is never straightforward. But one thing's for sure: Someone's got one foot out the door if cheating is involved. Whether it's for emotional or physical reasons, one of the hardest things to do is heal a relationship after someone cheats. So if you're doing it or thinking about doing it, you probably need to rethink your relationship. It's always better to end it before you get there.



You're Losing Sight Of You





It's not unusual, early in a relationship, to worry that we're spending too much time with a girl, and every dude has the guy friend who ditches all his buddies when he has a new girlfriend. This video outlines how to maintain your identity in your relationship. And if you're still having trouble, you may have some issues you need to work out before being relationship-ready.



You Can't Talk To Her





It's always nerve-wracking to confront your girlfriend about an issue without it becoming an all-out screaming match. Here are a few specific tips that will ensure you can get your point across on tricky subjects without offending her. And if that doesn't work, well, you may need to rethink your situation. Every couple needs to be able to communicate.



You Need More Time For Yourself





It's not wrong to want time for yourself. There are specific things you can do in your relationship to gain some "you" time, which are outlined in the video above. However, if you're finding that you enjoy hanging out with your friends way more than spending time with your girl -- and you're making excuses to do more of the former and less of the latter -- this is probably a red flag that you're not exactly happy with your relationship.



You're Holding Yourself Back





Do you feel awkward bringing up a relationship issue? Do you feel like it's too much to introduce her to your family or friends? Are there secrets you're keeping from her? If any of those sound like you, this probably means you're majorly doubting her -- but you're denying it. Here is your wake-up call.



You Have A Stronger Libido





You don't need us to tell you that sex fades in a long-term relationship. It's normal for your girlfriend to not be in the mood every second -- even if she used to be. Try these tips in the video above to try to spice up your sex life together. If you feel like you constantly have to coax her into the bedroom, it may be that your libidos simply don't match up, or there may be a larger problem. In both cases, you may want to rethink how well you match up.



You're Not Giving Her Enough Attention





Of course you want your girlfriend to make an effort to look good (see the next slide), but if she's going overboard and flirting in front of you, this is a major red flag. Attention-seeking behavior like that is often the sign of a person with serious emotional issues -- and unless you're a psychiatrist, you, my friend, will not be able to help her.



You Think She's Letting Herself Go





This is a tricky one. But hear us out. We love women. We love women of all shapes and sizes, colors and nationalities. But when you're in a long-term relationship, there is nothing less sexy than seeing the person you were once super attracted to begin to get so comfortable that they stop taking care of themselves. And that goes both ways. We have a guy friend whose marriage ended because he totally let himself go post-wedding. Thought he was in the clear. Nope. You always should try to stay healthy in the same way you would want your partner to continue trying.



You Can't Go To The Bathroom





In long-term relationships, you will always run into this situation: You need to use the men's room (and no, we're not talking about taking a piss) and she's waiting for you. Do you run the shower? Do you wait until she leaves the house? We know a girl whose boyfriend literally locked her out of their apartment because he didn't want her around. Honestly dude, we're all human. If you're thinking that much about this a few months in, you may not be as comfortable in your relationship as you should be at this point.



Your (Or Her) Jealousy Is Out Of Control





Sure, it's normal to be jealous at times. But if she's calling you at 2 a.m. screaming at you to come home because she's sure there are girls who want to sleep with you and you need to leave right away, that's just plain unhealthy. And vice-versa, of course. Not that that's ever happened to us...

Women Post Their "He Is Probably Crazy"

The women of  have spoken and you're freaking them out. Well, not all the time, just some of the time. A Reader asked women to post their "He is probably crazy" red flags when it comes to guys and the answers came in droves. Remember, early on in a relationship, women have their radar up for sketchy behavior. We know you're all reasonable guys, but sometimes even a reasonable guy can pull some crazy-guy moves in the throes of love. Here were the top 10 that stood out and gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "letting your freak flag fly."



The Proactive Jealous Type:



"Recently started talking to a new guy, I sent him a text saying I was going to go home and change and get my car and I would be over. And he flipped out saying "omg if it's such a chore then don't come out" followed by "you're probably stalling to fuck your ex" and then some other statements. Side note, we have been talking a week and never once have any of these problems arisen. So, yeah, red flag that he is probably crazy." - yambercork



The Surrogate Son:

"He still lives with -MY- parents 10 years after I divorced him." - rakshala



The Not-So-Subtle Freeloader:

"He asked me to make a minimum payment on his cc statement. Finances had been rough that month. We had went on about three dates. I was 20. He was 30. Wtf. Nope." - itson_thefritz



The Possessive Type:

"When he wouldn't let me wear shorts because "noone should able able to see that but me". Sadly this didn't actually strike me as crazy/posessive until after the relationship ended." - Lyndbergh



The Creep-By-Suggestion:

"I was with a bunch of friends at a bar getting drunk and towards the end of the night everyone left [ex]cept one of their friends I had just met that night. He ordered us another drink and I reluctantly stayed. Then he asked me to come back to his home and I told him no. He asked over and over again and then started saying 'It's not like I'm going to rape you' He said this over and over and I got the fuck out and left." - september79



The Overly Eager:

"When guys talk about a future with me on first or second dates. It's happened several times now. I'll casually mention I want to move to NYC one day and they'll make a frown and say, 'awh, but I don't want to. Can't we move to X instead?' or talk about how cute our babies would be." - bubblegum-bitch



The Social Media Creep:

"How about the guy the that I met once who I vaguely told the area/suburbs where I lived and worked, then next time I mentioned I was going out (via facebook) told me that I should stay at his house because he googled it and it was probably closer to my work. Ummm... Wtf??" - lanakane26



The Sensitive Nose:

"Had a guy get upset because I wore perfume to work once. He was all pouty about it and I asked what his problem was. He had some fucked up theory that happy women in relationships don't wear perfume since it's something we use to attract men. 'With the pheromones they put in that shit, that's the only thing it's for! You can't lie to me, you're going to cheat on me.' " - imnotacrazyperson



The Sweet Talker:

"If we just started texting and hanging out and he starts calling me 'babe', 'honey','sweetheart' or anything like that. It['s] like weird forced intimacy, and it makes me super uncomfortable." - g_rapelemonade



The Stubborn Type:

"A guy who can't admit to ever being wrong about anything, even little things." - N3WPORT

Red Flags chick's Are Looking For........

Despite what you might be thinking as a single guy, women do want to date you. In fact, they want to date you so much that they often go against their better judgment and overlook things to cut you some slack.

It might be your fondness for T-shirts that came with your last case of beer or a habit of quoting The Simpsons, but whatever your quirks are, trust us: the girls you are dating notice and are trying their best to see your better qualities.



Unfortunately, for every one of those special-to-you oddities that a woman is going to deal with on a case-by-case basis, there are definitely near-universal red flags women look for when sizing you up, especially on a first date. Obviously, you've all learned to be polite to the waitress, but there's more to these red flags women look for than the basics of gentlemanly behavior.



Read on for a rundown of red flags women look for and count against you.

1- Not taking "no" for an answer

Women are very aware of their own independence, and will be quick to get out of a situation when they feel that their decision-making isn't being respected. You might think that encouraging her to have desert after she's said “no” is showing that you want her to indulge, but what she's hearing is that you aren't taking her “no” for what it is — a choice she's already made and is justified in sticking to. This is one of the red flags women look for because it can lead to more serious control issues.

2- Bad-mouthing others

Men often mistakenly regard women as gossip-mongers out to cut one another down, which could lead you to believe that you can do the same. Of course, joking about the time you and your buddies made fools of yourselves over spring break is fine, but a woman won't be impressed when you dish dirt on coworkers, family or friends, or criticize those close to you. Bad-mouthing others is one of our red flags women look for because the lack of loyalty that comes through with this type of gesture will only leave her wondering if she's your next victim.

We have three more red flags women look for…



3- Holiday aversion

For the most part, women are the holiday-keepers in society and grow up being involved in the preparation and buildup for both major holidays and family-specific traditions. While you don't need to have a tacky Christmas sweater collection that puts Mr. Rogers to shame, professing your hatred of Valentine's Day, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and so on will leave her wondering if you had a troubled childhood or are just too morose or cheap to celebrate. Women like to be spoiled on special occasions, which is why holiday aversions is one of the more important red flags women look for.

4- Ambition deficiency

Few women will hold your filler job as a waiter against you. In general, women respect a working man in many shapes and sizes, but there is one magic ingredient that must be present to earn her respect: Being proud of your job or the steps you're taking to get to where you want to be are attractive qualities. Consequently, slackers on the bottom rung that cross their fingers that they'll never get promoted so that they never have responsibility are not. Upward mobility is what women want in their men, which is why this is a biggy among the red flags women look for.

5- Neglectful behavior

Everyone has heard the word chivalry, and any man of dating age should be well-versed in the basics of being a gentleman, but a quick refresher can't hurt. When out on your first date with a new woman, you need to show her that you appreciate the time you have both set aside for each other. To show this appreciation, the cell phone needs to be turned off, introductions need to be made if you run into anyone you know and conversation needs to be polite and mutual.

don’t wave a red flag



Everyone thinks of first dates, and dating in general, in different ways, usually with some kind of sporting analogy. There is some merit to playing the game; you just need to make sure that you're following rules that will keep you from throwing out any of the red flags women look for that might end the game before you even take the field. There are some things that a woman can't or won't overlook, no matter how many other great and wonderful things you have going for you. Let the games begin.