Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 131

Being Vulnerable is Being Open

"Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. the new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.” Stephen Russell
This morning my routine was thrown off. I woke up at 5am as per usual to go for a run. I got off the bed started getting ready and could not leave the house, I lay back down on the bed and decided to sleep to get away from the dread that I was feeling. I realised that I was scared, plain ole scared to go to run. It was at that point that I realised that I never dealt with the feelings associated with being robbed last week. I automatically went into fix it mode, into finding solutions, no time to dwell!
How many times have we done this? moved on and not dealt with the feelings associated with an event. What happens is we take it into another situation, sometimes every situation. Feel the feelings, I truly believe that and I did not do that last week. I pushed the feelings behind mainly due to fear and not wanting to take responsibility for my part in what happened.
But once I sat in the feelings today, it left me, I felt lighter, I felt ready, I felt empowered, so much so that I will be heading for a run tomorrow, trust that!

Peace

Do Not Lose the Plot

Use questions to build your strength. You will get angry. Some days you will be devastated. But even on the days when you might fail to be compassionate, please don’t let go of what you know to be true in your bones: that compassion illuminates the darkness. Danielle La Porte
How do you respond when your point of view is in the minority? Especially when the people are seemingly more powerful? What do you do when what you think and feel are different?I was in a meeting yesterday and was totally outnumbered with my view, I started getting annoyed, I started raising my voice, I started being defensive, then it hit me I do this when I want to prove that I am right rather than listen to other points of view,  when I refuse to learn from others and most importantly when I believe that I am not being heard and losing control.Really, I am never losing control, that is ussually a perception, a view that says I am wrong. Truth be told, there is nothing to prove to anyone, especially when you know that you know that you know, there are some people that one cannot convince, it is an absolute waste of time so don't even botherYour role is to share your view and be open to it not being agreed to however knowing that you have done it with respect, love and intentions that are pure, the "fight down" aint necessary yo! It really is not!So as I started shouting and looking to prove my point, I looked at the faces and it was clear no one was getting this so I stopped, I thought, let's leave this, let me find another way to get this message accross and if not then so be it!As soon as defense starts, one has lost the plotDo not lose the plotPeace

Practice Makes Masters

Every loving thought is true. Everything else is an appeal for healing and help, regardless of the form it takes ACIM

Some of the most amazing things that have happened in my life I did not plan it nor was thinking about it in that way, the pure randomness of the events still astounds me!
Have you ever had a "chance" ebounter meeting someone and they turn out to be the person you had to talk to at that stage in your life or the one who has the contacts to assist you in a project, or they lead you onto something delicious and divine?
I have realised that this happens quite a bit when I surrender the outcome being to the tune of how I want it, trust the process and relax. (of course after putting in the work)

Marianne Williamson always says the Universe is self correcting and self organising, almost like the GPS in your car, when you make a wrong turn they recalibrate and lead you back on course
Our main issues are getting out of our own way and wanting to control everything - really a form of fear. Fear of looking bad, fear of failing, fear of making a wrong choice, fear of hurt, fear of rejection, sometimes ignorance but most most most of the times is fear and shame!
So I have learnt to get out the way, do the work and get out of the way, I am still learning that to be okay with pissing people off in the process. but practice makes masters!

Peace

Analyse the Why

“ Instead of asking “what do I want from life? ” A more powerful question is, “what does life want from me?”  – Eckhart Tolle

This life, with all it's seeming challenges, is beautiful. It is not only about you and what you can ezrn, get, climb. It really is about the purpose behind it. The Why?
Do you have a why? therein lies the purpose
For many of us the "why" is fuelled by fear, competition, shame and lack
newsflash- anything that you aquire based on that is unsustainable!
You may get it and have it however the peace under that will be missing
You will always be looking over your shoulder or wanting more to fill the void
Analyse your "why" what is behind it?
Chances are if standing behind your why includes love, sharing, growth, authenticity, fun, honesty, self love then there will be a lot less stress, anxiety, feelings of lack and limitations
So, take a look, analyse what is the "why" and then act accordingly
Peace

Silver Linings

“When we attach value to things that aren’t love—the money, the car, the house, the prestige—we are loving things that can’t love us back. We are searching for meaning in the meaningless.” Marianne Williamson

This morning I did my usual Sunday ritual, go to the West Coast with my buddy to run then head to the Hyatt for a peanut punch, talk  a little bit the head home to watch football.

Two lovely things happened today, I bumped into one of my favourite people who was staying at the Hyatt having come to visit for a week, she joined us as we sat sweaty after our exercise! At that point I got a message saying that my wallet, which was stolen yesterday was found with my driver's permit and identification card! I could pick it up at the police station at my convenience as someone found it and turned it in! That made me so happy, mainly because knowing that good samaritans still exist and I would avoid the inconvenience of running around to get new identification documents sorted!
Letting go is a hell of a thing, surrender is some type of super power, it denotes trust in the Universe. It shows that we know for sure that when we let go. something else will fill the void - and it is way less stress, trust me!
How many times have we fought and fought to hold on, to wish that things were different, to keep what we had when not only is it gone, but it's causing us hell!

I let go of the things that were stolen on Saturday, after my initial upset! I made up my mind that I would have to go through the process of getting back all the documents that I lost and at that moment  I got the message that the documents were found and turned in to the cops! It made receiving the call even sweeter!
So, I am taking this small lesson into the big things in my life, learning to let go, knowing that good people still exist in this world to balance off the ones who forgot that they are also good and trusting the Universe to take care of me despite what "it" looks like
Give thanks
Peace

I am Not Alone

As forgiveness allows love to return to my awareness, I will see a world of peace and safety and joy.ACIM


I run almost every Saturday morning, same place, same time, like clockwork, I park in the same spot as well. Today I came back to see my car smashed, ramsacked and the contents gone! I stood motionless for a moment!
Really?
Ler me check, I walked back and forth to ensure that it was my car
Oh snap, it was my car!
The first thought was did I leave anything in plain sight only to see that all the cars around me were smashed as well! Okay then
I walked to where my peeps were parked and they immediately came to my assistance
Ok there is one positive
We went to the police station - they stayed with me
We went to repair the car - they stayed with me
Gave me cash as well
(mind you these peeps are not my friends, I just see them once a week on a Saturday we run together then say good bye I don't even have some of their phone numbers)
but they were there all the way
Grateful!

I did not get the car repaired, they did not have the required parts and all my financial transactions will have to remain undone until the morning but this I know for sure
I was never alone, it is a reminder- because confessions on the journey- the "alone" thought crosses my mind on frequent occasions - versions of, wow I live alone supposed somthing happens to me, who can I call when I require assistance (then a whole convo happens in my head about being a nuisance and taking responsibility for my life)
Today I was reminded that I am not alone and shit happens that I am not to take on as mine
It's strange that an event like this had to make it clear
What disappointed me the most today was missing my friend's wedding!
I so have to make it up to her
Peace

Don't Come Around Me to Change me

It is not up to you to change your brother,  but merely to accept him as he is . ACIM


The day I stopped wanting others to change was the day that more peace came into my lifeMy shift was the choice to accept or walk away. Just that simple. We do not get to choose how people love us we get to choose whether or not we want to accept the way they love us.Would you want any one to change you?Peace

Are You Willing to Do the Work?

I'm not really into that whole, "This is gonna change your life!!!" thing ❤️ I'm much more into a, "Hey there, let's experiment by showing up for life in a way that feels radically true for you" kinda thing. I don't know what you need. I don't know what you want. I don't know what's gonna get your feet tapping, heart pumping, feelings flowing, creativity exploding, wisdom moving, and body relaxing. Buttt, YOU DO. And you knowing you, you being what you came for, is exactly what I am here for The Messy
Masterpiece

Who wants to change, transform, radically shift? Hands up?
Okay now who wants to do the work?
Hands up?

The work must be done,(sorry, there is no other way) and the work requires us to sit in it, to face it, acknowledge it, call it, own it
whatever "it" is
There goes a radical concept!
There is no amount of reading, going to seminars and courses, watching YouTube vids, sending positive messages over whatsapp and Facebook is going to result in that radical shift
Showing up every day with an open mind, and being willing to go through the fire is the start and continuing to show up despite the challenges is the lifestyle.
there will be some crying, some messy tears, there will be some pissing people off, there will be some cussing, some doubt, some relationships shifting perhaps even ending , there will be discomfort but boy oh boy on the flip side of that...... a peace that passes all understanding, a level of freedom that cannot be denied and a whole approach to life which only allows for growth - not always smooth sailing but how boring would smooth sailing be?
Are you willing to do the work?
Peace
 ❤️❤️❤️

Remove the Barriers

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ACIM

This is one of my all time favourite quotes from ACIM.Your task is not to seek for love- I am love, I therefore have no need to seek it out, look for it, search for it. What I am to do is to be open and accept the love that is already there, both in me and through the every day ocurences in my life.

My task is to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it - how many conditions do we place on love? I'm not talking about setting boundaries which are healthy and necessary for self respect and respect of others
I am referring to the unrealistic expectations we place on our loving
The fear that we parade around in the name of what they should be doing, what they aren't doing yada yada yada
How many barriers do we unconsciously place on our loving? 
Denial - barrier
Unrealistic expectations - barrier
Lies - Barrier
Inauthenticity - barrier
Not opening your heart - barrier
Excessive drinking - barrier
Lack of intimacy - barrier
Retreating away from others - barrier
Picking fights - barrier
Pushing people away when you think they are getting to close - barrier

Think of a scenario, you have been going out with someone, a few dates and y'all are really digging one another. And then you start getting comfortable and a bit of fear creeps in, the person does something that reminds you of your ex. Something totally trivial like wearing the same type of shoes. You start having conversations in youe head, how could they? How dare they wear those shoes? Those are the shoes of a betrayer! And therein starts the beginning of the end. They come back with the same shoes and you get sour, which triggers the question "what's wrong?" and the answer comes "nothing"

The  challenge is always facing up to the fact that we are usually the ones who place the barriers to loving
It is facing up to the fact that we are not ready to love in a way we want to be loved and by default build up barriers
ACIM says the opposite of love is fear 
and the worst one's behaviour is a really only a louder call for love
I also think about this when people I meet show me who they are, I just think about how many barriers they are building up to being loved

So, take a pause in looking for love and look at the barriers you are erecting or have erected to prevent loving - from self and others
Peace

Empty Feelings

Empty denotes something negative, the idea that you had something, and now you’ve lost it. But I’ve learnt recently that empty is the lack of a male presence in my head. I am empty of worrying if he will or will not call. Empty of concern for his emotions and well-being. Empty of worry regarding his actions. This might just be called letting go, or moving on, or any number of things. But I also realised that I have reached a place where male validation, whether it be professional or personal, has no baring on me any longer. And I have grown in a world where so much emphasis has been placed on that male acceptance, that I am suddenly empty. Chronicles of Salma


So, as the Universe works, as I was talking about giving advice about relationships, I received phone call by a guy asking me to go for coffee. As I was about to politely decline, I realised this must be a sign! I said yes.
right away he asked if I was free on that same day - wow, talk about testing if I was ready. 
I said yes I would be free later on today, we decided to meet at Starbucks for coffee on a Monday night. I went with absolutely no expectations, I did go out with him a few times before. Bless him, lovely fella.

I decided in advance to put my phone away, be fully in the moment and suspend all judgements, to listen and be totally comfortable with myself. (this approach feels really good, I will definitely do this more for every task)

I had a pleasant time, I really did. I felt no expectation to please, to move forward, to call after, to text, according to Salma I felt her definition of empty. What startled me the most was when I felt that way I really thought something was wrong with me for a hot minute
There is nothing wrong with me,these feelings are valid, feelings can change. At this moment, it is what it is! 
I agree with Salma, I don’t know how long it will last, I hope forever, but I’m also not that naïve. I know that I’ve been a product of the system far too long to shake it off in a day. What I hope for above all else, is that we can somehow pass the message on to girls today, that the emptiness of being alone is a wonderful thing. That when you’re not worrying about male acceptance and attention, it leaves time and space to create so many incredible versions of yourself. If we could only raise a generation that didn’t need male approval, and a generation that didn’t ask for it, what a wonderful world we could create.