Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 132

I don't give advice

Changing sociological patterns, financial insecurity, the rise of technology and we women all contribute to making a fuckboy what he is today. I say ‘we women’ because we’ve been complicit in the very thing that now ails us. We’ve spent years buying into the narrative of the ‘cool girl’, attempting to be belching boys on the sofa who automatically transform into beauty queens who fuck like porn stars the minute the lights are dimmed, and it’s completely fucked up the idea of male/female gender relations . Salma El-Wardany

Having to spend quite a load of my time with young women, I always have, somewhere in the back of my head, that I am supposed to do the honorable thing, to walk my talk and be an example to the young 'uns that I am around. That also comes to mind even with the adult women that I interact with on the journey. It is a really wonderful accountability check and I would not change it for one minute. With it sometimes comes some pressure- mostly self imposed.

For whatever reason, women ask me for "advice" especially on relationships - confessions on the journey here - why?? why??
do they know I don't even have a male cat around my house much less a fella!
So my disclaimer has been - "yo, I don't give advice, all I can do is share my experience, you take from it what you will" 
Truth be told though, I started getting a tad bit concerned about my current situation. 
You are now asking "what situation is this?"
The said one where I am unable to give advice because I have no current subject matter and stories to share! (male cat nor fella)

My friends give me advice such as  "love yourself more", "go out more", "try new things" " have you considered online dating or tinder" and bless 'em all I know they are coming from a place of love and I truly appreciate their concern. 

Disclaimer again - I am by no means saying one night stands and hook ups are wrong if they are between two consenting adults- so let's quickly move that elephant out of this room 
I just think that there are consequences, and women bear the brunt of it due to a combination of societal contructs and the nature of how we are made up. All that to say, it ain't for the I! 
So here I am in this box, starting to ask myself, what are the lessons here? as I attempt to break out of it
Being an independent woman has it's advantages, which I will not give up for all the chocolate in the world, I'm saying it would be nice to share the lessons on the journey!

According to Salma "The social pressures of double texting, being the girl with feelings or somehow possessing a need that is other than sexual is so damning that you’ve almost convinced yourself you’re dying alone if you so much as tell a guy you like him. After all, elaborate games must be played, the exact formulaic time must have passed before responding to messages and a casual indifference to intimacy must be employed at all times. We’ve all played those games and it’s the reason we’re now in this sorry situation"

So what's next I ask?
Speak up, Take the Risk. Show up Real and Be Courageous
Someone who is willing to embrace all of that will come along, and if not, well, life goes on and there is always the pet store!
Peace

Elevate Your Mind

Everything in your life, right now, is a reflection of what you believe you deserve . Benjamin Hardy

I read this article about behaviour and beliefs by Benjamin Hardy, some home truths in there that truly rsonated and so I wanted to share it with my lovelies:


Subconsciously, you believe you are “unworthy” of anything beyond what you currently have.Unworthy to have more.Unworthy to contribute more.
Unworthy to experience more.Unworthy to connect deeper.Where do these internal attitudes come from? They come from your behaviors.Your behaviors dictate your beliefs about yourself and the world. If you eat unhealthy food, how do you think that will influence your sense of identity?What if you changed it up?What if, instead of eating unhealthy foods, you DECIDED to eat only healthy foods, just for one single day.How you act and what you do shapes your internal identity. Hence, when you make a personal investment in yourself, you create an immediate psychological upgrade.You raise the bar on what you believe you’re worth.You raise the bar on what you believe you can do.You raise your standards for:The first step, then, to using your time in the best possible way, is to elevate what you believe you deserve. If you don’t believe you deserve to spend your time on amazing things, you’ll continually sabotage yourself. You’ll continue to act in ways to PROVE TO YOURSELF you aren’t worth more. You’ll try to keep yourself small.You elevate your sense of belief by changing your behavior in the here-and-now.
Peace

Maybe it is time to Forgive

The relationship between guilt and forgiveness may surprise you. 
Guilt is actually a twisted or manipulative way of seeking forgiveness. It is the belief that if you inflict suffering on yourself for your choices, another will forgive you for them. This is belief keeps you in pain because only you can forgive yourself.  Gary Zukav

Any time I read Gary Zukav's work, I have that penny dropping moment. every.single.time! And like today, I hit upon his wisdom on guilt and forgiveness and I literally had to scream when the penny dropped, when the A-HA angels singed! On all levels, forgiveness is big, and forgiveness starting with oneself, it frees so many channels. Forgiveness is about freedom, it is about moving on, lessening the burden, the load and starting afresh, it is for no one else but you!
Added to that, the guilt assiciated with non forgiveness- oh man! it seeps into all our actions, eating, shopping, the job we accept and choose, the people we surround ourselves with, the boundaries we have or maybe do not have
Can you see how big this forgiveness thing is?
It is a release, letting go. Giving up the thought that the past can now be changed.
As the boss Iyanla puts it and I concur " when being hurt and angry and believing that you are less than you are does not get you what you want, it is time to forgive"
Peace

Moment By Moment By Moment

Things that matter come and go, but being touched and feeling life move on, we tend to cling and hold on,not wanting anything to change. Of course, this fails and things do change. Often, we are stubborn enough to go after what we think is leaving, trying to manipulate and control the flow of life, Of course this fails too
We can't stop life from flowing. All clinging and holding on makes it worse Mark Nepo



Immerse yourself in the moment for a day, whatever you are doing be all there, fully present. See how it feels, what it does to both you and the activity or person you are interacting with
Body, mind and soul
We have a tendency to look at what we have to do next, what is on the to do list, what we forgot to do earlier, what is missing, what we will say as soon as the person we are chatting with shuts up, or maybe we will butt in

On the other hand, we may be focusing on what we forgot to do yesterday, who we forgot to cuss, what we wanted to tell our co worker or friend that we didn't yada yada yada

Many times we miss the moment....completely
focsing on the past or the future
not being fully present

Then when something we "like" comes  along and we want to hold on to it so we attempt to recreate the past. Sometimes we attempt to recreate a moment that we were never really present in- that makes it even more interesting.
Controling and manipulating events are never a sure fire way to keeping tham, in fact, it is quite the opposite
To surrender required strength and courage. Surrender does not mean giving up, oh on the contrary, surrender means having faith, it means knowing that because you have done the work, you have been in the moment, you have set the boundaries, you have lined up thought word and deed you are well equipped to wait with ease and grace. To let it go and move on with life in the moment. Moment by moment by moment
Peace

Greater Need for Healing

The Worse People Act, The Greater is Their Need For Healing - ACIM

Check yourself first, how are you acting? Acting like a doofus then check yourself, something requires attention
Go ahead, blame the other person for your actions- see how far that gets you!
Go ahead blame the environment for your actions - see where that takes you
Go ahead blame the economy for your actions - see how much that adds up

Take a timeout and check yourself, get still, listen, pat attention and heal!
When you're done come outside, come in to the light and see how that feels
It really is that simple
No guilt, no beating up on yourself, no blaming and shaming
Just a does of awareness, responsibility and healing
Go ahead, give it a go
Peace

How Are You Showing Up?

Just tell the truth – it’s not what you say it’s how you show up, how you live, how you act. How you be . Susan TaylorI read something today that says words and talking are the least most effective way of communicating. That resonated with me. I had to check myself. I am one who many say  of of little words. So how am I living? How am I showing up? Am I walking my talk? Am I acting with integrity, awareness, kindness, humility, courage and love? Am I honoring my word, first to myself! A Course in Miracles says all minds are joined, and by that it suggests that people know when you are harbouring mal thoughts about them most of the time, don't you know when you walk into  a room when people are talking about you?  Without anyone saying a word, we have a guessAlso when we walk into some rooms we feel the energy, and when there is positive energy we feel empowered, when there is negative energy we feel drained- not a word was said!So, I am checking how I am telling my truth, what about you?Peace

Take off the Pause and Press Play

We should not pause our lives and wait for a time when our self love will be perfect, instead we should move forward with our goal of self healing as a constant aspect of our lives. Always open to release, always learning, always keeping a part of our awareness inward so that we can observe our truth, always seeking to live harmlessly and love actively. Sending love to all beings. May we all understand that we have so much to give. May we all be open to receiving. May we all heal ourselves and the world .Young Pueblo

Every day take a step towards the person and life you want to be, however small. 
Everyday do something to make you happy, that brings you joy, however small
Everday align yourself with something, anything that moves you forward, however small

The small drops add up and  fills the bucket. Consistency, Discipline and Self Belief are two of the most important qualities to possess on this journey. Of course there will be days where things are rough, that you want to stop, don't! do something small then rest.
The days add up, soon enough you realise that it becomes a lifestyle, you realise that you no longer have to force it, to fake it, to labour it, it becomes the new normal
Don't wait for perfection, for the right circumstances - by all means have a vision but stop stalling, that is pure fear! move and learn along the way
and soon before you know it, you are living the life you have created
Peace

And this is so

In order to remember who you are, first you need to forget everything you were told about who you are. Until you remove the veil of these systems that are keeping you stuck you will find it most difficult to connect with your own inner desires. You will be manifesting experiences that leave you unfulfilled because they do not speak to your inner truths. When you let go of the need to be a people pleaser and begin to live for from a place a wholeness you realize that following your dreams actually is a beautiful blessing that you can offer to the planet. Every new desire that you give birth to serves all of creation. And this is so.  
 Maryam Hasnaa
The first time I was asked to question beliefs that I had  held on to from childhood, from my country's history, from religion and from society's construct, it blew my mind. Just something as simple as questioning it, aka asking a question, asking "why", "how come", "is that so because?" How many of us do things just because it was "always done that way?" I am not saying to forget history or be reckless with areas that have some structure and rationale, I am talking about areas, particularly the ones that no longer serve you, that your soul cries out to you when you do it and the reason you give is - "well its always been like that" or " I feel bad because it's a tradition" and so on!Question some of the things that you do that make your soul cry, the things that no longer serve you, that compromises who you areThing is, you have to know who you are, not who you were told you are!Peace

Guiltiness

Guilt is always disruptive
Anything that engenders fear is divisive because it obeys the law of division ACIM

Guilt makes us do all sorts of rubbish! Make all manner of rubbish decisions and then justify them
Guilt is a belief in separation and a belief in the need to be punished
Check your decisions, if they being made with a foundation of guilt, make another choice
Peace

Ask Yourself: How Does It Serve You?

Father, I ask for nothing but the truth. I have had many foolish thoughts about myself and my creation, and have brought a dream of fear into my mind. Today, I would not dream. I choose the way to You instead of madness and instead of fear. For truth is safe, and only love is sure ACIM

I keep going back to one of my favourite questions
How does this serve you?

It starts a movement in my mind to question some of the things that I am doing which are really quite foolish

How does it serve you to be dishnonest to both myself and others?
How does it serve you to carry around self doubt?
How does it serve you to hide from the truth?
How does it serve you to eat junk continuously?
How does it serve you to have no boundaries?
How does it serve you to not forgive yourself and others?
How does it serve you to live in denial?

Once you are doing these things, it is serving something in you
Many times it is guilt - your own and others
with guilt, someone must be punished
many times we punish ourselves because the other party may have already moved on, not know that we are over here stewing in our own mad pot or just plain don't give a toss but we persist!
So ask yourself over and over and listen for the response, many times we ignore the response because it is not something that we particularly like- doesn't mean that it is not the answer

Pay attention and know that it's all good
Peace