Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 128

love is sometimes shown in the things you don't say

 love is sometimes shown in the things you don't say,  don't keep track of and don't notice.  Neale Donald Walsh
We like to "give advice" it's just what human's do I think it is a combination of wanting to help, wanting feel useful, sometimes wanting to not be embarrased (especially if one's offspring or partners are involved) or just plain old being nosey. There are many reasonsI have a tendency to do that- big timeSomeone starts a story and I jump on the soapbox- right away!I have now put a system in place to keep me in check
1. Did they ask you?2. Are you really listeneing?3. Is what you are going to say kind?4. Have you had ANY experience WHATSOEVER in the situation?5. Are you judging?
Those are my internal questions when I am really paying attention to what someone is giving me a story to avoid the soap box syndromeSometimes people just want to talka dn vent, sometimes all that is required is listening, sometimes all that is required is letting it go, sometimes all that is required is love
According to the Course in Miracles, learing best takes place in a non judgemental forum, if one is being bullied, criticised, and hated upon, learning is unsustainable
So, before you jump to give the advice, ask yourself - what is the intention behind this? Love wins everytime!
Peace  

Five Things I No Longer Waste Time Doing or Worrying Over

Being ourselves requires that we get it wrong sometimes. And being ourselves is basically the key to everything we want. Maxie
As a recovering people pleaser, I have made the decision here and now to literally stop doing these 5 things:
1. Make a decision based on what "people would say" because it may look bad. - How many times I have stopped or even did not even start doing something that I want to do because of my worry about what others would say'? Too many. It ends now - Fyah bun that!
2. Go to an event because "someone told me that an Important person will be there that I should meet" - Not doing that either
3. I am no longer worrying about eating something that I like because I will "get fat" or "gain weight" - I'm done with that as well - everything in moderation
4. Sugarcoating the truth - Say it kindly, just say it. 
5. Not starting until "it" is perfect - I am starting, there is nothing left to discuss, I will learn along the way and correct!
What's your top 5?
Peace

Failure or Evolution?

“Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?” 
― Bill Hicks

Very often, we define ourselves by what we want or dream of. Yet when our lives shape us differently we often think we have failed, that we are settling for less, because we weren’t good enough to become or have what we wanted. Certainly, as we experience our limitations this sometimes feels true, yet even through our limitations we evolve rather than faildo not be afraid of evolution, it is the revolution of youThe truth is what we want or dream of doesn’t  always last. It tends to serve its purpose in our evolution and then fades away, losing its relevance at that point in time on our journey
 And we do enormous damage to ourselves by insisting on carrying on what has in fact diedI was fired as the Chief Financial Officer of a company and because being an accountant defined me I worked damm hard at becoming a young and successful one, I literally lost my mind but in hindsight, this evolution propelled a life with purpose and authenticity
What I have learnt is that living up to a dream is rarely as important as entering it for all it has to teach, the lessonsAnd now, here I am giving the feature address at the International Conference for the Chartered Accountants of Trinidad and Tobago, comfortable in my own skin  and comfortable enough to show up. Real.
keep dreaming.keep evolving.

You Must Begin Where You Are

You Must Begin Where You Are - Jack Boland

If you are waiting for something to happen before you begin what you want to to, it will never happen.
If you are waiting to get something before you do what you say you want to do, you willl never get started
If you are a waiting for the right time, the right moment, the right person, the right circumstances, you could be waiting forever
How about this, what can you do right now?
Can you write a letter?
Make a call?
Finish a plan?
Structure a goal?
Can you pick a name?
Paint a wall?
Ask a question?
Sweep a floor?
Can you structure a schedule?
Can you read a book?
Can you stop doing all the things you do that keep you from doing the one thing you want to do?
Can you pray?
Can you sing?
Can you dance right where you are?
Whatever you can do, you better do it now
Now is all you have to work with
Iyanla

Gut Decisions Only

Listen to the first thing you hear in your gut (before your mind starts to doubt and interfere) that’s what you need to know right now. – Inner guidance
I conducted an experiment. I decided to follow my intuition, my gut feeling, my first thought ONLY for an entire dayNow, the question is asked, how do you know whether it is your "gut" guiding you?In my case, I would say it is a straight case of it - the choice, the decision, the movement- bringing me a state of calm and peace even if it is scary or seems illogical. It is not illegal and has only the best intentions of particulary myselfSo what happened in that ENTIRE day that I made this choice?I felt a twinge of fear when I decided to say something to other people which one, I would not normally say and two, seemed way off base but I said it with kindness and conviction and felt really proud of myself too!I felt a peace that passed all understanding - all Damm dayI was less anxious and nervous about whether or not I was making a good impression, pissing people off, proving that I am rightI really didnt give a shit who had something different to say because I said what I had to, I didn't have to defend my point nor prove that I was rightI ate what the hell I wanted on that day - minus the guilt! and guess what? I made healthy eating choices too- not the over doing of the sweets and chocolate and skipping mealsI really liked myself a lot more after that dayI think I will make this a habitI urge you to give it a go, let's swap storiesPeace

Are You Ready to Thrive?

"You Cannot use the Same Tools You Used To Survive to Thrive" - Ebonee Davis

When you are in survival mode you do whatever it takes to survive - so if you are starving you may have to eat something totally out of the ordinary especially if that it is all that there is. available. It may be a case of life and death, literally. Same thing with surviving a death, a breakup, a trauma. The tools you require will be made available to you and when you are healed  or moving past the survival a different set of tools are required
The challenge begins when we use our survival tools over and over in a non survival zone
Newsflash - you require new tools babee!
You can use them - but its like putting in a screw with a hammer  or driving with the handbrakes up - you will eventually get there but with some jerks (sometime literal ones as well)

Put down the hammer, put down the handbrakes
Drive that babee to the max
It's time to thrive
You've survived peeps!
Now act like you know
Go out there and get the required tools, get aligned with the people who are on the same page, who are supporting the vision, who are growing, get the required mindset. Get ready to thrive

As soon as you switch gears, watch how things change
things are going to change
and you know we humans who belive that we control everything. You know how we feel about change!
The choice is yours
I'm ready to thrive
Peace

Are You Ready to Look Deeper?

our lives present us with enough obvious opportunities to practice forgiveness without the need to uncover others. We can rest assured that, if any area of our lives is in need of healing, which simply means that it is a symbol upon which we have projected our unconscious guilt, that need will become apparent when we are ready to look deeper . ACIM


There is a theory that when one is triggered it means that this is a place of healing. The thing has come up to be healed. So what do we do? Many of us do not recognise that the trigger is a gift therefore ignoring it or projecting it onto other people in the form of annoyance or anger or cutting them off, other times we "hide" through comfort eating, sex, drugs, alcohol, excess partying, shopping, staying at home. Some type of overcompensation happens when we do not know, realise or acknolwledge that the triggers are blessings, an indication of growth, that healing is the next step.
Having said that, one of my triggers is people not keeping their word to me, particularly if we planned it in advance. I know it is my trigger because I get livid, then I get totally disappointed. Then I have noticed that a couple of people around me have had to change plans, it sent me bonkers. The "brave" ones tell me honestly that I over react or they see me transform when it happens. So I have decided to pay attention, I have decided to "be" to look at the patterns, to understand the triggers and most important to comit to healing

That takes some discipline and guts people! 
To go back to my childhood where I would get dressed, my mother would dress me up in what I would ask her to, and I would wait on my father to come to collect me to spend time with him. I would sit waiting in the front porch looking sweet, if I may say so myself, and hours would pass. If my mum was at home she would take me for Dairy Queen ice cream or KFC, if she was not at home I would go inside and sit at my grandma's kitchen table and she would talk about how much "these people who are full of promises and cannot keep their word are a waste of God Damm time" 
I never gave this a second thought until I was grown. And became aware of triggers. Everytime I had to wait on someone - hell broke loose in my mind! I was mad as hell
then when they cancelled? oh hell naw!
I started attracting men who would do the same thing. My exercise trainer, same! 
So the time is up! healing is essential.
and what heals everything? Forgiveness! that is where it all begins
Peace

Nothing is insoluable

  there is a solution to every problem.   Nothing is insoluable. Nothing. Do everything that you can to avoid the temptation of thinking that what is
facing you now is insurmountable. That is simply not true. Neale Donald Walsh
I am meeting with my business manager today - who by the way, is simply awesome. We speak very often but we do not meet very often, I wanted to meet today, coming down to the end of the year to brainstorm and reflect. This year has been quite a eye opening one, with lessons and triumps and new beginnings. Sometimes it is good to pause before we begin again. In fact, all times pausing is for a positive causeIn my house growing up, pausing and taking a time out meant that I was lazy, that I "had nothing to do, so I would give you something to do" or it meant find something to do. Consciously breaking that pattern was a challenge at first but as with everything, a committed decision and massive action propels us forward. Now I know, that pausing is essential, reflection is absolutely necessary and there are indeed solutions to every hurdle placed in front of me and is with this mindset that I approach today's meeting ready to hear different points of views, ready to embrace that every problem has a solution and ready to embrace the blessings that I have received in having someone like her in my corner
Peace

Forgiveness Gets It Out

Sickness is anger taken out upon the body, so that it will suffer pain . ACIM

I was doing my morning reading and this popped up, coming right after my chat with my grandma and my shoulder injury- which has been happening for months, by the way! 
I had to stop in my tracks and have a chat with myself
"self, what are you angry about?"
"Where do I start, you got time?"
Oh self, you are so cheeky!

Anger trapped in your body manifests itself as sickness
Emotional pain trapped in your body manifests itself as sickness

The ego despises weakness, even though it makes every effort to induce it. The ego wants only what it hates. To the ego this is perfectly sensible. Believing in the power of attack, the ego wants attack.

Get it out - of course in a healthy way and by far, hands down the best way to do that is the forgiveness route
forgive yourself
forgive the other person
forgive everything, forgive every single thing
it really it is that simple

Happenings

“There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen.” Unknown
One of my favourite people to hang out with is my grandma, my first storyteller, my first love, many many firstsover the past few months seeing her unwell has been hard, my default was to disappear.  I would call her on the phone and have a conversation rather than going to see her. Her being ill threw me for a loop I missed my time around the kitchen table chatting and laughing and debating.On Sunday I saw her and her entire attitude was light, I asked her how she was doing- she said she healed herself! Huh?She asked me if I had ever heard about the law of attraction and the power of the mindI said "shut all the doors and windows, what you sayin?"She went on to explain that she was tired of being in pain, she spoke to her legs and made some changes and now, she walks without a cane and has no painI sat there like "what the whole hell, woman!"she was absolutely rightWe can heal ourselves, that is the premise of the ground breaking work of the late great Louise Hay in her book, you can heal your lifeI was happy to have her backWe resumed as beforeEating and chatting around the kitchen tablePeace