Colleen Brown's Blog, page 78

"I always think about touching you,about fucking you. I think about your handswhen I am at work,..."

“I always think about touching you,

about fucking you. I think about your hands

when I am at work, when I am

severing customers, when I am doing

the dishes. I think about fucking you

while driving to class, while watching

a movie with my cousins, while smoking

a cigarette with a friend that I haven’t

seen or spoken to in months. I think about you,

about kissing you, about being next to you

when I am alone and you are not here.

I want to fuck you, hold you,

touch you, listen to you

when it’s almost 2 a.m.

and I have to be up within the next

five hours. I want you, always,

always so much closer.”

- “It’s more than just fucking,” - CB

oh, the places you go

oh, the places you go

"They tell me that I don’t need anyoneto be complete, to be happy, to knowwhat I want and who I..."

“They tell me that I don’t need anyone

to be complete, to be happy, to know

what I want and who I want to become.

They think it’s pathetic that I love so hard,

so throughly, with so much of me

that at times others can’t tell if I am

living for myself. They say that independence

is alone, independence is living for you

and saying fuck off to everyone else.

Saying I don’t need anyone

but me, myself and I.

But what they don’t know is that

I have been strolling down

independence lane for years now

and I’ve felt every emotion

that one can feel and now all I want

is him. I want to share those feelings

of bliss and darkness with him

and want to suck him off in his bedroom,

in my car, in my parents living room

when everyone is asleep.

So fuck off to anyone who tells me

that being in love and yearning

for the presence of another is pathetic,

dependent and toxic.

I have spent so much of my time inhaling

independence that I think I should

give something else another try.”

- “to the anon who said that my being in love is pathetic, dependent and toxic,“

"The women who you wanted before medidn’t know how good they had it.They took you for granted,took..."

“The women who you wanted before me

didn’t know how good they had it.

They took you for granted,

took your time and put it inside

of their pocket and forgot about it

while they washed their jeans.

I am lucky, I am appreciative,

I am one of those women

but I am the one who will never

let you go. I am one of those women

who will keep fighting. I don’t fucking care,

I’ll cry if it’s a way to show you

how much I don’t want you to go.

I’m not saying I’m better, I’m not saying

that I’m the one you’ve been waiting for,

but baby, I don’t wear jeans,

so you don’t have to ever worry

about me forgetting.”

- CB

had to leave my bby to go back home today and I am so sad but...

had to leave my bby to go back home today and I am so sad but these really were the best five days of my so far shortly lived life. and I know that we’re going to soon be together again but the thought of being without him is making me want to just sleep until he comes back.

"I can feel the loneliness coming back.I can feel myself slowly starting to retreatback into my old..."

“I can feel the loneliness coming back.

I can feel myself slowly starting to retreat

back into my old ways, back into my

old life where isolation really is

the only way to know I’ll be able to

make it. Time has never been one

to be on my side, to be on our side.

There has always been something

pushing us apart. There has always

been miles telling us that maybe

separation is the best way

to understand how much we both

really do mean to one another.

But I can still feel the loneliness

coming back. And I’m wondering

when you’ll be here for good

to take its paralyzing place.”

- “I don’t want to go back,” - CB

"I don’t want to go home.It’s not the same if it meansgoing back to a room that..."

“I don’t want to go home.

It’s not the same if it means

going back to a room that isn’t

occupied by you. You are my escape.

You are my vacation that doesn’t

require filling up my time with

sight seeing, small talk and showing

pictures of family. I’m okay with

lying in bed all day in a hotel

with room service if it means

you’re next to me. I don’t want to

go back home. Because home will

never be the same if it means

going back without you.”

- “A late check-out,” - CB

we stole bundles of lilac from these bushes and trees in my...

we stole bundles of lilac from these bushes and trees in my neighbors yard - it’s okay, he’s a mean man anyway.

we finally checked into our hotel room but the only place I want...

we finally checked into our hotel room but the only place I want to be in is inside his arms

There is a sadness in your voiceand it’s a noise I’ve never heard before.I try to form words in my...

There is a sadness in your voice

and it’s a noise I’ve never heard before.

I try to form words in my mouth

to give you to hopefully ease your pain

but all that comes out is silence

and the air is so thick that I can feel

my own weakness brushing my lips.

You’re so soft, you’re so fragile,

and he knew that but he still broke you

into so many pieces and I’m afraid

that there isn’t enough glue in the world

to help me put you back together.