Colleen Brown's Blog, page 184

Tell me about a dirty experience.

When I was 11 I was so addicted to an online game that I didn’t shower for 4 days.

I wanted you to want mebecause I wanted to be able toshow you just how muchI could love you,and just...

I wanted you to want me
because I wanted to be able to
show you just how much
I could love you,
and just how much
I could change your mind
about love not being
worth the struggle.

i don’t know who i’m supposed to be.

i don’t know who i’m supposed to be.

I woke up to an empty bedsideand to the sun showing meparts of the truth that I could neversee when...

I woke up to an empty bedside
and to the sun showing me
parts of the truth that I could never
see when I was with you.
Did you wake up this morning
with a gap in your mind
where the love you once had
for me was? Was it something
that I said when I thought
that we were in soaking in
a moment of truth? I keep going
over in my head what I could
have done that was bad enough
to make you stay away for good.
But until I come up
with the most logical explanation
on how your love for me
got lost in the mess of our opinions,
I will lay awake in this bed,
waiting for the sun
to show me more of what
you never could.

And just when Iwas about to give upon love and give into solitude, I becameaware of your...

And just when I
was about to give up
on love and give in
to solitude, I became
aware of your existence.
And now all I want to do
is fill in the gaps of silence
with your hypnotizing
and riveting sound
of changing for the better. 

I knew that my love for youwas gone when I looked intoyour eyes and could only seemy reflection. I...

I knew that my love for you
was gone when I looked into
your eyes and could only see
my reflection. I used to think
that there was a fire inside 
of your eyes that could never 
go out, but I was proven wrong
when I searched for that light
and could only find darkness.

"Looking at me from the outsidewill never be good enough. It’s notthe outer layer of me that..."

“

Looking at me from the outside

will never be good enough. It’s not

the outer layer of me that you

have put through pain. Open me

up and see for yourself. See

what you were capable of.

See what you did to me

without a hint of regret

of how it may push me away

from others who are

worthy of my love.

I don’t want to say

that you ruined love for me,

because that sentence itself

is much too good for you

to even be able to read aloud.

So next time you invite over

a girl who looks like me

at 2 a.m. don’t tell her

that her skin reminds you

of someone you once loved.

You should know that

my skin is not a map

of places that you have

been to, and you do not

have the right to compare

my tainted from your touch body

to her mangled limbs.

She will never be able to

love you in the way

that I was able to. Not even

with a tongue coated in

hope that one day

she will come close.

”

- "Even your heart knows that she can never really replace me," - Colleen Brown

I hope that by using himto rid of me, you are somehowfinding who you are pressedagainst his bed,...

I hope that by using him

to rid of me, you are somehow

finding who you are pressed

against his bed, and into

his unaware body. I hope that

by replacing your pain

with his pleasure, you will

someday be able to say

that you are happy.

Before I met you,I forgot how it felt to betouched by someonewho only had yourbest interests...

Before I met you,
I forgot how it felt to be
touched by someone
who only had your
best interests resting
in the tips of their fingers.

"You always seem to find yourselfreading yourself into their words.When they talk about the..."

“You always seem to find yourself

reading yourself into their words.

When they talk about the warmth

inside of their body, you think of

the warmth that they have

stored inside of you. This is not

a way of moving on, and this

is not a moment that has

been made for you. This is

a wake-up call. A 3 a.m.

confession of what life could

have been like if they would have

just stayed and fought for you

instead of fighting against

the love that you surrendered

when you thought that this

was the only way of keeping

what you have become used to.

But now that they are gone,

and there are no signs of returning,

you know that their absence

is something you have to

grow familiar with,

instead of grow against.”

- "In-between the lines," - Colleen Brown