Colleen Brown's Blog, page 158

I have wanted to know your secrets for so long, because I want to protect you from them. I have always thought you were the type to allow your past to swallow you whole, and I know you deserve more than to be confined by things that have made you who you a

I don’t care about who it isthat you’ve decided to fall in lovewith this week. I...

I don’t care about who it is
that you’ve decided to fall in love
with this week. I don’t care
about how much you miss me
either. Mostly since you were
the one who let me go.
I don’t care about what we
could have been if I would have
just stitched my lips together
and gave you everything
that you wanted, no matter how
much it pained me. I don’t care
about where you are now,
how you feel, or where I have
ended up in your mind. I wish you
would just push me out of your
thoughts, burn all of the memories
that we created, and finally just
move on with your life, since you
say it has been better without me.
I don’t care because whenever
I do, I just end up back at the
beginning; with my heart around 
your finger, showing others that you
always get what you want.
No matter who it ends up crushing.

"I’ve been writing a lot less of romantic bullshit lately.I think you sucked outall of the..."

“I’ve been writing a lot less

of romantic bullshit lately.

I think you sucked out

all of the passion that I

used to feel towards people

I’ve never met, places

I’ve never been to,

and things that I have

always wanted to experience.

Does that make you feel

like a better person? Does my

lack of inspiration allow you

to feel the love that I have

never had the energy

to give to you? You feel

powerful when I am at

my weakest point. And don’t

even pretend for a second

that you feel some sort

of pity for taking everything

that I once loved and destroying

it before my eyes. You live

off of this kind of shit. You get off

knowing that I am slowly

falling apart as the days drag on.”

- "Stop acting like you give a shit," - Colleen Brown

I may not have beeneverything that you thoughtI was going to be whenyou were finally in my...

I may not have been
everything that you thought
I was going to be when
you were finally in my presence,
in my arms, and inside of
my life. You thought that my
growth was made up of
nothing but poetry
and pressed flowers,
but just because I was not
your dream come true
does not mean that I am not
someone else’s desire.
You can yearn for me as much
as you would like to,
but just because how you wanted
me to turn out was not the way
that I really was does not mean
that I have changed for the worst.
And just because I am not
what you were romanticizing
all along, does not mean that I
am not what someone else 
wants with everything inside
of their hopeful heart.

this is called my - my face is still swollen / i’m wearing...

this is called my - my face is still swollen / i’m wearing a tiger shirt & sunflower shorts / look at my fake flower i painted / i have two ice packs on my face / i am really high on my Vicodin - look.

Ever considered having a pen pal?

I actually have a few pen pals, and have had some, and still would have more. I love writing to people. I love sending them little things and receiving little things and words by them as well. It’s all so intimate.

we’re all artists.we’ve all had our heartbroken. we’ve all broken someones heart...

we’re all artists.

we’ve all had our heartbroken.
we’ve all broken someones heart before.

we’re all poets.

we’ve all been lied to.
we’ve all lied to someone we have loved.

we’re all muses.

we’ve been told that we could never be enough.
we’ve all felt that someone we once thought so much of would never be enough.

we’re all kind hearted.

we’ve told someone who just needed someone to notice that we care.
we’ve all been told that we are loved, even if we cannot feel it or see it in that exact moment.

we’re all fighters.

we’ve been through hell and back.
we’ve had people put scars on our own body that only we can notice.

we’re all human.

we’ve loved someone more than we have loved ourselves.
we’ve hurt someone because we couldn’t ever find the love that was stronger than our own selfishness.

I woke up this morningat 6 a.m. exactly and reachedout to your side of the bedto just come up...

I woke up this morning
at 6 a.m. exactly and reached
out to your side of the bed
to just come up empty 
without your limbs falling into
mine, and without your
body there to remind me
that all the pain I went through
yesterday was just another
way to show me that you
would always be there.

"I’m imagining being with her, next to her, anything with her. I’m imagining touching her..."

“

I’m imagining being with her, next to her, anything with her. I’m imagining touching her skin, her lips, and pressing my hands into her hands and falling in love with the way they fit so perfectly, like they were meant to be together.

I look at her body, examine her arms and I can see that by the way her skin looks, she has been through experiences that had the power to be a part of her forever. But that doesn’t make her any less beautiful, and that doesn’t make her weak, but strong to be able to look at her own limbs and tell others that she made it through. That even with the pain of always being able to remember, she will never let it make the decision for her.

She is a mystery that I cannot wait to solve. The last chapter in a book that has only opened my eyes to new lessons in life, but never taught me how to let go. She is a fantasy that is too vivid to describe. A dream that you wish you could never wake from. She is a vision that is too good to be true; I am hallucinating, can’t I see that none of this is real? Can’t I see that if I want her too much, she will vanish in the thin air, leaving me with nothing to prove to anyone, and only feeding my insanity to a point where its too full to ever be dismissed.

I’m imagining being with her, next to her, anything with her. I look at her body, examine her arms and I can see that her by the way her skin looks, she has been through experiences that had the power to be a part of her forever. She is a mystery that I cannot wait to solve. And as long as she loves me in-return, I won’t ever have to finish my favorite part.

”

- "She’s my all-time favorite," - Colleen Brown

I don’t miss you because I am lonely, or because you have found someone who is worth your...

I don’t miss you because 
I am lonely, or because
you have found someone
who is worth your time.

I miss you because
I still love you, and I always will
even when I didn’t show it
when you were finally mine.