Bart King's Blog, page 41

Oh, dang it.

I must be lactose-opening intolerant!

This girl is the BEST

Wordstock is this Saturday!

Portland’s book festival, Wordstock, is this Saturday (Nov. 5th)! I’ll be there, talking onstage with talented author Kate Ristau and über-moderator Diana Armstrong. (Details below.) So if you can make it, BE THERE. ☺
Now, see if you can pick me out of this section of the event's huge authors’ roster. To make it extra challenging, I’ve removed the names.
HINT: I’m in disguise.
I'll be at the Portland Art Museum, on the Miller Gallery Stage, on November 5th, 5:00 pm - 5:45 pm
LAST HINT: There are three photos in existence of me with abeard. Somehow, the promoters found one of them! Graphic by Kate Ristau!

I was just kind of smiling at this video...

...and then, at 1:35, I lost it!

ADVENTURES IN DOGWALKING

1. Augie sniffs and digs excitedly in a pile of leaves. “What is it, boy?” I imagine something exotic, like raccoon spoor or a lost wallet. No, it’s a chocolate chip cookie.
2. Miffed by my cookie confiscation, Augie antagonizes a crow hopping nearby, who retaliates by divebombing us for a half-block.
3. A Chihuahua sneaks out the front door of a house across the street. It spots us, snarls, and charges, pursued by a gray-bearded man in overalls. The tiny hellhound is in full-attack mode, and it looks like it’s curtains for Augie and me. Then the Chihuahua gets mere steps away and freezes, motionless, until being safely scooped up by its owner. (Perhaps it sensed that Augie, deprived of his cookie, was a dog with nothing left to lose.)
4. Augie notes an apparition inflating behind a frontyard tombstone. He barks at it until the wraith shrinks down again. Absurdly satisfied at having vanquished his foe, the dog continues. (Meanwhile, the wraith automatically inflates up again behind us.)

5. We see our neighborhood’s coolest yards, then return home, exhausted from our exploits. We revive ourselves with mulled wine and kibble.

Okay, so Vines are going to be extinct...

...so I'm trying to enjoy them now, while I can!

One duck goes "Quack"...

And a hundred ducks go . . .

At first, I smiled at the defensive guy being so offsides...

But it's the quarterback's flop that really got me going. :)

Setting: A hushed courtroom

PROSECUTOR: Your Honor, I move that the accused defendant rise and dance for us.

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection! On what grounds?
(What? You've never heard that song?)

This just cracked me up.

I have no explanation for why.
Oh, and this cracked me up too, but I know why: