Bart King's Blog, page 257
October 24, 2010
I can vote AND get fries!
In Oregon, people mail in their ballots instead of waiting around for voting day on November 2. And in my neighborhood, we have an unusual place we can drop our ballots off! (My vote is NOT for Ronald McDonald, BTW.)
October 23, 2010
But aren't they ALL paranormal?
Barnes & Noble has a "Teen Paranormal Romance" section? Wow!
Amazingly, you have to BE a teen to buy these. Luckily, I have a fake ID!
Amazingly, you have to BE a teen to buy these. Luckily, I have a fake ID!
October 22, 2010
According to a Poll: The Greatest Joke of All Time
I like this joke. I've used this joke. And while I don't know if it's the greatest joke of all time, a British poll claims that it is. Here goes!
—A woman asked a gymnast instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?''
He said, ''How flexible are you?''
She answered, ''I can't make Tuesdays."
—My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed! I never knew they worked.
—There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
—I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasparov and there was a checkered tablecloth on the table. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''Other jokes that made the top 50:
—A woman asked a gymnast instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?''
He said, ''How flexible are you?''
She answered, ''I can't make Tuesdays."
—My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed! I never knew they worked.
—There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
—I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasparov and there was a checkered tablecloth on the table. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
October 21, 2010
Justin Bieber's Life Story
As read by actor Gordon Pinsent:
October 20, 2010
Now THIS is a Tough Gig
As you can see, it's a rough-and-tumble crowd at the Hollywood Library. Luckily, I was able to entertain them with quick hand movements and bad jokes.The best question at this presentation came from a parent:
—"How many of my tax dollars at the library are being used to purchase your books?" [Cue laughter.]
October 19, 2010
The American Mustache Institute needs YOUR vote!
The
American Mustache Institute
does all manner of good work related to mustaches. And sometimes goatees.
Right now, you can cast votes at its website for this year's winner of the "
Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year
" award. Go check it out!
Right now, you can cast votes at its website for this year's winner of the "
Robert Goulet Mustached American of the Year
" award. Go check it out!
October 18, 2010
Join Me at the Hollywood Library!
I'll be at the Hollywood Library in Portland this tonight (October 18) from 6:30-7:30. Announcement below:
Dude, That's Gross: The Wonderful World of Mucus . . . and More!
Join us for a behind the scenes tour of how and why author Bart King writes about things that gross you out. He is the author of the popular books The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff, and most recently, The Big Book of Gross Stuff and Bart's King-Sized Book of Fun.
This program is open to all ages, but is most appropriate for kids 9-13 years. Free tickets for seating will be available 30 minutes prior to the program.
Mon., October 18, 6:30-7:30 p.m.
Dude, That's Gross: The Wonderful World of Mucus . . . and More!
Join us for a behind the scenes tour of how and why author Bart King writes about things that gross you out. He is the author of the popular books The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff, and most recently, The Big Book of Gross Stuff and Bart's King-Sized Book of Fun.
This program is open to all ages, but is most appropriate for kids 9-13 years. Free tickets for seating will be available 30 minutes prior to the program.
Mon., October 18, 6:30-7:30 p.m.
October 16, 2010
Want to Join Me for Gross Fun? Huh? Huh?
I'll be at the Hollywood Library in Portland this Monday night (October 18). Announcement below!
Dude, That's Gross: The Wonderful World of Mucus . . . and More!
Join us for a behind the scenes tour of how and why author Bart King writes about things that gross you out. He is the author of the popular books The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff, and most recently, The Big Book of Gross Stuff and Bart's King-Sized Book of Fun.
This program is open to all ages, but is most appropriate for kids 9-13 years. Free tickets for seating will be available 30 minutes prior to the program.
Mon., October 18, 6:30-7:30 p.m.
Dude, That's Gross: The Wonderful World of Mucus . . . and More!
Join us for a behind the scenes tour of how and why author Bart King writes about things that gross you out. He is the author of the popular books The Big Book of Boy Stuff and The Big Book of Girl Stuff, and most recently, The Big Book of Gross Stuff and Bart's King-Sized Book of Fun.
This program is open to all ages, but is most appropriate for kids 9-13 years. Free tickets for seating will be available 30 minutes prior to the program.
Mon., October 18, 6:30-7:30 p.m.
