Penny Watson's Blog, page 62

Hot Potato, Cold Potato: A Couple O' Reviews By Penelope

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Last night I sucked down not one, but two short romance novels. (While my husband read about 14 pages of his "real" book.....sucker!). The first one was hot, short and sweet. The second one was a good example of why publishers need to pay attention to their cover art. It left me cold. (Hence the title of this post...Hot Potato, Cold Potato....get it? I came up with that one at about 4 am this morning. My insomnia problem continues).

Okay, here we go......

1. Hot Potato:

Hot As Hades by Alisha Rai

I don't expect the meaning of life when I read an erotica. But I do like some romance and humor thrown into a sexy story. This quick read by Rai is exactly how I like my erotica....fast-paced and hot! It's a fun, extremely sexy, mythologically-inspired quickie. And she does a fabulous job making us care about the characters in a short amount of time. She also manages to squeeze in some emotion and a sweet HEA. The sexy-hot meter on this one is in the Naga Viper chili pepper range (the world's hottest chili pepper, with a Scoville heat index of 1,382,118). Spicy, baby!

Loved this one! Grade: A-


2. Cold Potato:

Northern Fascination (Harlequin Blaze) by Jennifer LaBrecque

When a friend on Twitter saw this cover, she sent me a link. Alaskan setting, dude with a plaid shirt, ripped jeans, excellent scruffy beard, and a nice six-pack for good measure. The book blurb says he's a "geologist".....he sounds and looks like a rugged good time. Basically, my dream guy!

Unfortunately, this was a matter of false advertising, as well as a few other problems.....

1.) The hero is a weenie executive, not a rugged geologist. He is in Alaska to buy out the entire town for a mining venture.....to make money. This is the most asinine premise for a story ever.

2.) The heroine was grating.

3.) This book could have been set in any small town, anywhere. The Alaskan setting is completely ignored.

4.) The heroine is a 29 year old virgin who turns into a nymphomaniac.

5.) The best part of this book is the secondary storyline involving a shaman, which completely disappears at the end of the book with no resolution. WTF??

6.) There is a broken condom and an unplanned pregnancy. Of course! It's a freakin' Harly!

7.) The hero decides not to shave for ONE WHOLE DAY, and he feels all rugged and Alaska-y. One day? Are you crapping me? What, do you want a medal for that? One day's worth of stubble does not make you a mountain man, you executive weenie. For the love of God.....

8.) Nor does wearing some boots or a plaid shirt for one day. He was still using his Blackberry. Weenie!

9.) Funniest line ever.....right after the 29 year old virgin has sex for the first time, what does she say to the hero? "Oh my....That was better than masturbating in a hot tub." Haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Oh, snap! Because nothing jacks up a guy's ego more than kicking a hot tub's ass, for sure.

10.) At one point the heroine thinks "Way cool." Um, 29 or 13 years old? Way cool?

Sigh. If you promise me a plaid shirt-wearing, scruffy-faced rugged dude in Alaska, don't give me an executive weenie one step up from a hot tub. To be fair, if I didn't expect a mountain man story, I would say this was an okay, not great, read. It still had lots of problems (ridiculous story arc, unresolved secondary storyline, irksome H/h, overlooked Alaskan setting, etc etc).

Grade: C

So, one winner and one loser and I still beat my husband in the reading competition. What's next?

Penelope

I Got Nothin'

Happy Monday Morning! (uttered through half-closed eyes)....
1. I watched 3 horror movies simultaneously last night (zombies, vampires, murdering psychopaths).2. Hubby got home at 3 AM and wanted to chat.3. I DNFed a bunch of freebie books this weekend. Still looking for "Mr. Right" (the book that will capture my attention).4. This is a cool photo my son took a couple of years ago. How I love autumn in New England!
Plans for the week.....Get some sleep. Watch some more horror movies (it is October, after all). Decide which WIP I am finally going to commit to this fall. 
I am off to Starbucks to get a very large pumpkin spice latte.
Hope yinz all have a great week!Penelope

And We Have A Winner!

Congrats to Eva/TXBookjunkie!You're the winner of a signed print copy of Sweet Magik!
Thanks to everyone who entered the giveaway. Oskar and his brothers will be back in a couple of weeks to celebrate the digital release day.
Happy Weekend!Penelope

Review of My Third-World Girlfriend by RJ Silver

My Third-World Girlfriend by RJ Silver

Hee heee heeee....Oh lordy! RJ Silver does indeed have a wicked sense of humor. I have been plowing through all of his books, and I just finished his latest offering, My Third-World Girlfriend.

Once again, he combines sharp and stinging wit with a sweet romance. This is a quick read, but filled with humor, social commentary, and a tender love story. Our hero, Gerry, is a bumbling westerner who has a dismal history with women. He makes the unfortunate acquaintance of three misogynist old geezers who talk him into chucking his old life and travelling to Thailand, where there are plenty of willing women, cold beers, and general debauchery.

Gerry meets the woman of his dreams (Kinlaya) while puking his guts out on a sidewalk after an all-night bender. This inevitably leads to some conflict with his womanizing partners-in-crime, who worry that his new relationship will lead to his emasculation and a lifetime of being hen-pecked.

At one point he meets his friends in a bar and realizes he has no money (his girlfriend hides his cash to invest in their future)....

"Say, you guys don't happen to have a few baht you could loan me, do you? I seem to have left my money back home."

"Vhere?" asked Fritz. "In the jar with your testicles?"

Poor Gerry. He falls in love with his sweet new girlfriend, but as the grown-up responsibilities of real life close in (running errands, cleaning dishes, building shoe shelves for Kinlaya), so does his uncertainty. I don't want to spoil the hilarious ending of this story for you, but suffice it to say it involves a shipwreck, de-programming by Amazonian natives, and a lovely Happy Ever After (HEA).

I'm not sure how he does it, but Silver manages to skewer the a-holes exploiting women from third world countries, paint a sympathetic portrait of the bumbling hero, and weave a sweet romance together in one short story. Some satires are scathing and depressing as hell. I always finish reading one of RJ's stories with a big smile on my face.

Another winner by RJ Silver! Keep 'em coming, RJ! :^)

Grade: A

P.S. I would also like to point out that all of Silver's stories are self-pubbed. I can't speak for the rest of the self-published books in the world, but I know there is still quite a bit of skepticism and snobbery concerning self-pubbed/"indie" books. ("Indie" actually refers to small independent presses, but there is confusion about these terms.) For anyone who still considers a self-pubbed book a "second class citizen" I suggest you read one of RJ's books. These are well-written, well-constructed, entertaining, clever, unique and quirky bits of storytelling. All topped off with an HEA, which makes them damned near perfect in my not so humble opinion. Yep, I am officially an RJ Silver fan-girl/stalker. No restraining orders necessary, RJ! I swear!

As of 10-13-11 (the date I am writing this post), his story The Princess and The Penis is ranked #6 on the Amazon romance bestseller list. Are you kidding me? A small self-pubbed book that is a satire of the princess and the pea is in the Top 10! Take that, big-ass New York publishers! Woo hoo! His success story is inspirational for authors everywhere.

Happily ever after,
Penelope

It's A Slippery Slope

Amazon Reviews
Review of Lovers In Love by Jane Schmo
This is reviewed by Patricia P. Paddlepuss of "Supra-Romantic Romances"

"What a wonderful story! Anne and Frank don't really like each other when they first meet. Sparks were flying! But then they finally fell in love, got married, and had 4 babies. What a romantic happy ending."

Grade: A

****

Comment from Joe: Well thanks a lot, Patricia! You just gave away the whole ending. Now I'm not going to read the book. I'm sure the author really appreciates that you just spoiled the entire story with your stupid review. I think that you need to review your reviews. Because they suck.

Comment from Lisa: Patricia, I loved this book, too. And I loved your review. Ignore Joe. He's an idiot. I think he needs to review his comment of your review. It would get an "F"!!!

Comment from Tammy: I think Lisa needs to review her review of the comment of your review. Because Joe is right. You're an idiot. (And so is Lisa.)

Comment from Marshall: I hesitate to bring this up, but this story IS a romance. All romances have a happy ending. So this just further supports Lisa's hypothesis that Joe is an idiot. Because why should he be surprised that there is a happy ending in a romance novel? They all end that way....love, marriage, babies. Sometimes vampire conversions. You know! Come on! My review of Joe's comment on Patricia's review is....epic fail.

Comment from Nancy: My review of the review of the comment of the original review is....wait, I lost my train of thought.

Comment from Jane: I wrote this book. I'm just happy if anyone is reading it, reviewing it. It's all good! Thanks, everyone.

Comment from Kira: I don't care if Jane wrote the book. I think her comment about the comments about the review, reviewing the review, is ridiculous.

Comment from John: Nice going, Patricia! This book was free, but now it's 99 cents....thanks to dumb-ass people like you who review it and make it popular.

Comment from Nancy: John, you can't cough up a big whopping buck for a book? Get a job!

Comment from Joe: I think the comment on the comment of the review on the comment of the review on the reviewer's review is superb! Well done! At least SOME PEOPLE know how to write a good review.


****

Signing Off,
Patricia P. Paddlepuss

Bridgerton Re-Read Extravaganza

Many moons ago, I learned about the historical romance genre from Julia Quinn, Lisa Kleypas, Mary Balogh, and Stephanie Laurens. What a great education! Vintage Julia Quinn is filled with emotion, humor, and a totally satisfying level of sensuality. New Julia Quinn is a bunch of marshmallow fluff....lots of empty calories, and you can't remember the names of the characters the next day.
In spite of the fact that JQ has lost her writing mojo (in my not-at-all humble opinion), I adore re-reading the oldies but goodies. I especially love the Bridgertons...one of the greatest of historical romance families. Here is a run-down of my recent re-read extravaganza.
In order of favorites.....(not in chronological order).....
1. Romancing Mister Bridgerton (#4)
Without a doubt, RMB is my absolute favorite Bridgerton book, and on my all-time favorite historical list. In fact, Penelope Featherington was the inspiration for my pen-name. I love her! This story showcases all of Quinn's strong points...there is banter and sweetness and romance and emotional intensity and even a huge surprise thrown in for good measure. It is about a wallflower who is totally overlooked, but underneath is talented, determined, loving, loyal, and has a wicked sense of humor. Colin is a man searching for an identity. She has loved him forever. His love for her develops unexpectedly, and is so sweet and romantic, I could just swoon every time I read it. And the true identity of Lady Whistledown is brilliantly done in this book. You feel the love the Bridgerton siblings have for each other and their mother. You cheer for Penelope when the ugly duckling wallflower becomes a swan and marries the man of her dreams. You cheer for Colin who is a hero in the truest sense of the word. This book is pure gold. Grade: A+
2. To Sir Phillip With Love (#5)
In second place is Eloise's story. If a book has botanical Latin in it, it pretty much is going to get an A rating from Penelope, who has degrees in plant taxonomy and horticultural science and speaks botanical Latin fluently. (Plant Geek!). The hero in TSPWL is a botanist, and at the beginning of the book he and Eloise exchange letters. He encloses pressed flowers for her. *fanning myself* Oh, how I love Phillip....he has no clue how to be a good husband or how to be a good father....he is most comfortable with his plants in the greenhouse. Not only must Eloise win him over, but she also has to win over his horribly behaved children, who are desperate for affection. Well, Eloise is up to the challenge. She's a Bridgerton, for Christ's sake! This love story is lusty and romantic as hell and adorable and Phillip's final declaration of love....written in flower petals...is one of the sweetest gestures ever. Swoonilicious! Grade: A
3. The Viscount Who Loved Me (#2)
This was the first one I read of the series....I read #1 later (which is The Duke and I....not included in this list because it wasn't one of my favorites of the series). Anthony is the head of the Bridgerton family, saddled with responsibility, and traumatized by the death of his father. Kate is living in the shadow of her sister, who is a "diamond" being courted by all marriage-minded men. She is very protective of her younger sister, and is not at all happy when Anthony Bridgerton, rake extraordinaire, sets his sights on her. There are so many wonderful scenes in this book! I especially love the croquet game with all of the Bridgerton siblings exhibiting extremely poor sportsmanship! Kate slowly begins to realize that Anthony is actually a man of honor and kindness. She is crushed to find that she herself has fallen in love with the man who is courting her beloved sister. Oh, how I love this scenario! And Anthony of course finds himself much more fascinated with brash and clever Kate than the stunning younger sib. This book is a super satisfying, romantic read. Love it! Grade: A-
4. An Offer From A Gentleman (#3)
This is Quinn's answer to the Cinderella story. Sophie has an evil stepmother and stepsister. She is living as a maid in their home after the death of her father. Benedict meets her at a masquerade ball. They share one magical night, and Benedict becomes obsessed with finding her....but alas, years pass until they are reunited. This story is super romantic. However, I had forgotten how big a schmo Benedict is for a good chunk of the book, pressuring Sophie to become his mistress because he believes she is not "marriageable" in the eyes of the ton. He more than makes up for his asinine behavior by several heroic acts, including saving her from the clutches of her evil stepmother. The final scene in the book which takes place outside Sophie's prison cell is priceless. I love how Violet (the Bridgerton matriarch) unsheathes her claws with the hideous step-mama in order to protect her family. And of course, she considers Sophie family when she sees how deeply in love Benedict has fallen. What a satisfying ending! As always, true love prevails. Grade: B+

5. When He Was Wicked (#6)

Meh. I know a lot of folks who really dig this one, but it wasn't my fav. I never got a feel for why Michael had been in love with Francesca for so long. This book seemed to focus quite a bit about guilt, not enough about their love. I didn't think WHWW was as satisfying as the others. Grade: B-/C+

The rest of the series is marshmallow fluff. And I didn't love the first one that much either.

Anyway, those are some of my favorites. What's your favorite Bridgerton book? Are you still enjoying Quinn's books, or do you think they are losing the magic?

Happy Reading,
Penelope

P.S. The giveaway contest for Sweet Magik is still open...please leave a comment on this post to enter! Thanks!

Sweet Magik Print Version Now Available! Giveaway Today!

I was surprised to get an email yesterday letting me know my latest Christmas novel, Sweet Magik, is now available in print! Release day for the digital format is still 11-4-11. I have mixed feelings about print books, as you all know. I am now addicted to my Kindle for various reasons....I love being able to adjust font size, leave bookmarks/comments for myself in the text, and pages don't snap shut while I'm reading. However, it is sort of cool to have a book in print, even if it is totally overpriced ($15!!!).

Since the print version is a bit pricey, I would love to give a copy away for free. Here are the rules for the giveaway....

1.) Leave a comment.
2.) Any old comment.
3.) Tell me about your dog, your husband's beard, your garden, what book you're reading right now.
4.) Just say hi.
5.) Make sure I have your email so I can get in touch if you win!
6.) Giveaway is open until Friday Oct 14.
7.) Have a nice day.

That's it! If you would like to read an excerpt, please visit my website....Penny Watson.

Here's the book blurb for Sweet Magik....it's the 2nd installment of the Klaus Brothers Series. Yep, those Klaus brothers! You know.....they live in the North Pole, deliver gifts all over the earth, get themselves into a boatload of trouble. Happy Reading!

SWEET MAGIK......


Oskar Klaus' job is killing him. Not even his favorite hobbies (extreme snowboarding and browsing old bookstores) are enough to snap him out of his funk. It's not easy living in the shadow of four successful older brothers and a father named Santa. Little does he know that a kiss on New Year's Eve is about to turn his life upside-down.
Kiana Grant's Manhattan life is a world away from her childhood in Oahu. She traded sunsets and surfing for a respectable career in library science, but Oskar Klaus is a temptation that's hard to resist. Before she knows it, she's in the midst of an outrageous adventure in the North Pole, dealing with mischievous elves, wicked demons, and a devastating attraction to Santa's youngest son.
There's just one problem...a bitter elf hell-bent on revenge threatens the future of everyone in the North Pole, even Santa himself...
❅❅❅
Leave a comment to enter the giveaway!Penelope

It's A Jungle Out There

This is what my lovely courtyard garden looks like right now. Not so lovely.
When I say it's a jungle, I do mean jungle. We have multi-generational bunny families living in there. Snakes. Chipmunks. Weeds taller than I am. Overgrown shrubs and vines. At some point during the summer (early) it got out of control and I was afraid to go in there and weed and prune because the baby bunnies kept hopping around.
Underneath the jungle are hostas. Somewhere on the left I think? Hee hee! I had tons of Johnny Jump-Ups (which the bunnies ate with great relish). I still have oregano (another bunny favorite), lemon balm, basil. The chives have disappeared. 
As far as horticultural goals, this is an epic fail. But since I don't like to focus on my failures, I am already looking ahead to next year. I'm going to have a highly organized "potager" style garden, with a brick in-lay and gorgeous terracotta pots. 
In the meantime, I can still enjoy the nasturtiums I planted....poking out next to the lemon balm......

I also have some nice African blue basil.....



And some pretty hydrangea flowers, seen here with a zebra grass.....


Even though my lawn guys mowed down ALL of my morning glory and sweet pea seedlings this year--TWICE! (I tried to replant them)--a few from last year self-seeded, and they survived.....




Sometimes I think my garden is sort of like my life....out of control. But with good stuff floating around in there. :^)

I hope that everyone has a great week....filled with gorgeous flowers, minimal weeds, and even the occasional cute baby bunny.

All my best,
Penelope

Beard of the Day

Beard of the day goes to.....*drum roll*.......Alexander Skarsgard! He is the epitome of excellent scruffy Swedish deliciousness.

Interesting things about Alexander Skarsgard....
1.) He had his first film role when he was 7 years old.2.) He has been named The Sexiest Man In Sweden five times. (hee hee)3.) He played "Meekus" in the film Zoolander.
Believe it or not, I have never actually seen True Blood. I know. It's unbelievable. However, that doesn't keep me from appreciating the blond scruffy facial hair of this hottie.
Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!Penelope
ETA: Oh yeah! I made a Beardy McBeardster treasury list at Etsy. Check it out!

It Ain't Easy Being Cheap

Inspired by a new challenge at my Goodreads group, I am searching for cheap (99 cents) and freebie books this month.

This is a great challenge for me, for several reasons.

1.) I don't make any money reviewing books.
2.) I have no ads on my website.
3.) I have no paying sponsors on my website. (I like being an "Old Skool"-style book blogger...hee hee!)
4.) I rarely accept ARCs. I pay for my books.
5.) I don't make any money as a promo consultant. (I do it for free).
6.) I'm not making a ton of cash from my own book sales.
7.) All of my assorted jobs are volunteer.
8.) I read a ton of books, and there is no freakin' way I can be shelling out $20 for a hardcover when I read at least a book a day, sometimes more.

I believe in the currency of doing good deeds. (And mooching off my husband!)

My daughter's suggestions for making some money....
1) Become a dachshund breeder.
2) Open a cafe that serves only high-sugar products.
3) Start my own Etsy store selling hand-made origami animals.

While I ponder these options, I'm looking for good deals on Kindle. Here are some I've found for this month....


***A Duke For All Seasons by Mia Marlowe
This looks like a cute historical. It's only 99 cents at Amazon right now.

*** My Third World Girlfriend by RJ Silver
This hilarious story is only 99 cents on Kindle. It's the latest release by my new favorite humorist, RJ Silver. His other books, The Princess and The Penis and The Ballerina, The Gymnast and the Yoga Master, are also available on Kindle for 99 cents. I can't recommend these books highly enough. They are clever, well-written and laugh-out-loud funny.

***The Sweet Gum Tree by Katherine Allred
This book comes highly recommended. Every person I know who read it, loved it. So I'm giving it a go, even though it sounds a little high on the angsty side for me. It's only $1.49 for Kindle.

*** Wicked Games by Jill Myles
This freebie is wicked good. I loved it! And I don't even like contemporary romance, so there!

Any other suggestions for freebie/cheapie books? Please let me know!


Wondering if there will be a huge surge of interest in beardy lumberjack books, and I will suddenly hit the jack-pot next year,

Penelope