Penny Watson's Blog, page 63

A Beardy Love Story, Coming Soon!

A Tale Of Beardy LoveComing 2012Lumberjack In Love by Penny Watson




Here is an excerpt from Lumberjack In Love......



     Ami rounded the corner of the house and stopped dead in her tracks. She had no idea what Mr. Anderson looked like from the front. But from the back, he was no grizzled old man. A massive specimen of masculinity raised an ax high above his head, then crushed it down on a log, propped on another stump. His arms bulged beneath a thin T-shirt, sweat drenched his back. Faded blue jeans hugged his ass and meaty-looking thighs. His ensemble was completed by a pair of scuffed up work boots, and a navy-blue skull cap on his head. He stopped momentarily, leaned over to grab a rag, and wiped the handle of the ax. Ami still couldn't get a glimpse of his face, but the view from behind was certainly....well....impressive.            He swung the ax again, splitting the log in front of him, and the two half-pieces tumbled to the ground.                         Ami must have squeaked unwittingly. She didn't mean to squeak. But suddenly Marcus Anderson's head whipped around and he leveled her with an aggravated glare. Whoa, Nelly. Looking pretty good from the front side, too.            The mountain man dropped the ax to the ground and stalked over to where she stood, immobilized in place. His face was dark, thunderous, and absolutely freaking gorgeous. Electric blue eyes, high cheekbones, and a thick lush beard that Ami wanted to rub all over. Now where did that crazy thought come from? I don't even like beards! Think ZZ Top, think Santa Claus, think...think....            Ami's thought process stalled as the giant man stopped right in front of her and leaned down to eye level.             "Can I help you with something? Since you're trespassing?" his voice rumbled. His eyes raked over her, taking in her leather duster, Coach purse, and stiletto boots, and he glanced heavenward.            "Flatlander?"            Ami bristled. "What's it to ya?"


Hee hee hee....get ready for some lumberjack love!Penny

Penelope's Hot Tips For Romance Writers: The Promo Checklist

What happens if you write a book and don't do anything about promoting it?

Well....here's an analogy.

You spend 9 hours getting ready for the prom. You do your hair. You put on make-up. You pick out an apricot-colored Gunne Sax dress with ruffles. You spritz on perfume.

And then you sit in your living room and never leave the house.

Don't you want to get to the prom? Dirty dance with Robby "Boom-Boom" Football Player? Spike the punch bowl? Make fun of other people's outfits?

Sure you do!

Likewise, if you spend years writing a masterpiece, and then finally get a publisher, it would be a big-ass downer if no one bought your book. Or read it. Or reviewed it. Or liked it, and sent you a nice fan letter. Or recommended it to her friends.

If you are a first time author with a small publisher, unless you get off your butt and start promoting your new book, it's possible that you'll be stuck in your living room for all of eternity. You could have dismal sales. No one will be reading your masterpiece and discovering what a talented and wonderful writer you are.

Plenty of authors focus on their craft, and the difficult path to publication. But there's more to this writing adventure than just creating a story and getting it published. Doesn't matter if you are a big-time author with a New York publisher, or a self-pubber, or an author with a small to medium sized publisher. Every author needs to take some responsibility for promoting her own work. You are ultimately responsible for your own success!

I could go on and on about this topic (and often do...hee hee!) but today I am just going to post a helpful checklist for writers who have a new release coming out. Make a promo plan or strategy for your book. Get a calendar and fill it up with events...supplement your publisher's review requests with your own, schedule interviews, guest blog posts, contests/giveaways and book signings, buy advertising spots, do chats, plan a virtual tour. Don't forget to post announcements on release day.

Here is a handy-dandy checklist to organize these events and stay on top of your responsibilities. Please comment/email with any questions! I'd love to hear from you!





Penny's Promo Checklist
6-12 months before release (or more).....
*Get a calendar and make a plan!
*Determine money and time budget first.
*Contact folks about advertisements, especially places that fill up far in advance.
*Contact reviewers/bloggers/romance sites about supplemental reviews, interviews, guest blogging, giveaways, etc.
*Create a PROMO FOLDER on your computer w/ jpeg of book cover, blurb, excerpt, bio, head shot, purchase links.
*Contact bookstores about signings/Register for conferences, etc.
*Update blog/website with announcements.
*For first time authors, make sure you have a website in place, a Goodreads author page, blog if you would like one, FB author page, etc.

2-4 months before release.....
*Make ads/hire someone to make them for you.
*Design/order promotional items such as bookmarks, Romance Trading Cards, pens, etc.
*Start working on interview questions, guest blog spots, etc. Get ahead with this work! It will start steamrolling as release day approaches!
*Update blog/website with any new info about book. If you have any early ARC reviews, add positive quotes/snippets--on website, on Twitter, on FB, etc.

1-2 months before release.....
*Email/confirm with all bloggers/sites about virtual tours.
*Step up pre-release promo, but don't over-do....maybe once a week announcement with a positive review snippet, or a quickie excerpt.... Save biggest promo for when you have your PURCHASE LINK!
*If you have a newsletter, send reminders about release day.

RELEASE DAY!!!.....
*BIG DAY! Try to schedule highest traffic/highest visibility event online for this day.  Participate! Leave comments and chat w/ readers!
*Announcements: On FB, Twitter, Goodreads, Yahoo Loops, Writer's Groups, Appropriate Message Boards, Newsletter, Chats, Blog/Website.
*Send follow-up thank-you notes to bloggers/sites.

Release week/month (1-2 months out).....
*Continue with aggressive promo for launch week/initial month. Try to schedule 3-5 events/launch week, then 1-3 events/the rest of the month.
*MIX IT UP! Don't have 5 interviews in a row. Try for an interview on Monday, new review on Wed, giveaway on Friday.
*As readers check out your new book, they post their own ratings/reviews and discuss it online. That's your promo!
*Do book-signings, organize a book launch party, attend conferences (give workshops, participate in book fair, etc).

Post-release.....
*For seasonal releases, promo is essentially done after the holiday season is over. For non-seasonal releases, you can ease up (1-2 events/month?) until the next release is out. Opt for more general promo events, not necessarily geared for that particular book.


I gave a talk to the Rhode Island Romance Writers on Saturday, and we discussed this topic. What a great group of writers! They had tons of energy and enthusiasm.
I'll be picking topics from this checklist to discuss in more detail each week on my blog. Next up...how to determine a budget in terms of time and money for your promotional needs.

Hope this helps! Please comment with any questions/concerns.
All my best,Penelope[image error]

The Bonus Round

As I was walking into my son's middle school on Tuesday, about to partake of the dreaded "curriculum night"---forced to endure boring lectures by school administrators, bumble around trying to find Room 205, and experience unwanted algebra flashbacks---I got hit with a thought. (That happens to me sometimes). I didn't feel sorry for myself. I didn't mind that I had 2 and 1/2 hours of boredom ahead of me. What I thought was....
This is all good. I'm alive. It's the "Bonus Round."
And I realized, as I walked behind a mom with low-rider jeans meant for a 13 year old girl, that this is the new way I view my life. 
Everything after my heart attack is The Bonus Round. I could have died, but I didn't. So even boring, mundane, irritating, exasperating, horrifying, difficult, emotional, and painful experiences are all good. Because I'm still here. I can't get too worked up about the bus always being late, glitter all over the house, and the dog peeing on my pillow. Because my daughter has fun on the bus, my house sparkles like a Britney Spear's costume, and I can switch pillows with my hubby and he'll never know. Stuff that used to bum me out is now viewed with more humor and good grace.
I'm not sure if that means I'm older and wiser. Definitely older. But I still listen to High School Musical, so maybe not wiser or necessarily more mature. But I like this new attitude. The Bonus Round is good. It makes you appreciate stuff you used to take for granted. It makes you less likely to complain. It makes you laugh when you realize your husband has glitter on his ass just as he is about to go to work.
The Bonus Round is all good. I'll take it.
Penelope

Get Ready For Oskar Klaus....

He's got green punk hair.Serious attitude.And an address in the North Pole.
Get ready for Oskar.....






Sweet Magik , coming to a bookstore near you...11-4-11
❆❆❆

Review of The Ballerina, The Gymnast, and The Yoga Master by RJ Silver

Review of The Ballerina, The Gymnast, and The Yoga Master by RJ Silver


I think RJ Silver might be my long-lost twin brother.
I tried to bookmark every place in this book that made me laugh out loud while I was reading it, and I realized I was bookmarking every single page.
No shit.
It takes a certain kind of talent to be able to make fun of people, and do it in a light-hearted, non-offensive way, and to add a sweet optimism into that mixture of cynical satire.
RJ Silver has that whole thing down.
Following up a book titled The Princess and The Penis is a pretty tall order. What to do for an encore? Well, once again Silver has penned a short, sweet, hilarious, clever, adorable story with an HEA. There's really nothing more a girl could ask for. (At least this girl).
My favorite books have symmetry in them, both in character arcs and storylines. For example, the stuffy professor lightens up by the end of the book and learns how to laugh. The horrible tragedy that occurs in Chapter One leads to a romantic and satisfying HEA at the end of the book. The man who has everything (a billionaire) really has nothing because he can't find love. Until he does. With a chocolate-loving stranger sitting next to him on a park bench. (That's this story, by the way).
I don't want to spoil the book, so suffice it to say that RJ Silver makes fun of everyone--people, places and things--and you are laughing right along with him. Until the adorable end which was absolute perfection.
He might not admit it, but I think Silver is a romance-lover at heart. After you finish laughing at everyone and yourself, there's nothing better than snuggling up with the one you love. (Or dressing up like a fireman and playing "Save The Damsel In Distress.")
Grade: A
Loving this gem!Penelope

Monday Morning Update: The Commencement Of Half-Assed Week

This is the commencement of "Half-Assed Week" which is what I call weeks with half-days and additional days-off from school. The kids love them. I hate them. We have a half-day on Tuesday, and a full day off on Thursday, and of course this is the week I have 10 million things to get done.

1.) Prepare for my talk on Saturday for the Rhode Island Romance Writers. It's titled Penelope's Plethora of Promotional Proverbs: Promoting Your Book. I think the title is pretty much self-explanatory, as well as an excellent example of alliteration.

2.) Read The Ballerina, the Gymnast, and the Yoga Master by RJ Silver. In preparation for RJ's new release coming out soon, I decided to read all his back titles. It's the perfect week for satire.

3.) Write reviews for An Offer From A Gentleman, The Viscount Who Loved Me, To Sir Phillip With Love, and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton. My Bridgerton re-reading extravaganza continues. I think it is satisfying a deep-needed craving for pure romance, as opposed to willy-nilly boinking and unwelcome BJs.

4.) Take 600 old romance novels to the used book store and attempt not to shame myself by bawling like a baby. I can do it!

5.) Hopefully I will be getting my new cover for Lumberjack In Love, as well as the advertising banner for Sweet Magik. Will post everything when they're ready for action!

6.) Attend middle school curriculum night at 6:30 PM on Tuesday. Attend the mandatory parent meeting for swim team at 6:30 PM on Tuesday. Notice a problem with that? Sigh.

7.) Plan promotional events for Sweet Magik, which is coming out Nov. 4. Also do promotional and other tasks for NECRWA spring conference committee.

8.) DO NOT MISS HAIR APPT ON THURSDAY.
Me to stylist: Nothing subtle. I want big chunks of color! I want to look dramatic! Make it look like a lion's mane!
Sylist: Okay.
5 Hours (and $300) later I leave the salon with teeny-tiny streaks of subtle highlights. #^$%@*$&!!!!!!

9.) Work on WIP? It could happen. Not.

10.) Drink generous glass of red wine each evening. For my heart.

Please enjoy the incredibly embarrassing photo of me from the 1980's. I used to dye my big, fluffy hair...um...pink? I'm not sure exactly what that freakin' color is, but it certainly isn't anything found in the natural world. Also note the hideous pink satin shirt I'm wearing, and enough make-up to keep all of the Maybelline grandchildren in college for years to come.

Happy Freakin' Monday,
Penelope

Is It Healthy If It Has A Fruit In It?

Last night I enjoyed a wonderful reunion with my Vassar buds, and I also discovered a new cocktail...a lychee martini. Thanks, Smita! Here's a simple recipe from the Food Network....


Lychee Martini

Ice cubes
6 oz. vodka (pronounce wod-ka if you're really drunk)
4 oz. lychee juice
Splash vermouth
2 lychees, for garnish

Shake it all up in a cocktail shaker with lots of ice! Pour into glass and add lychees as a garnish. Reminisce about the good old college days when you were a skinny, chain-smokin' party animal who could whip off a 20 page paper in one night. Sigh....ah, the good old days. When shoulder pads were in. And Janet Jackson was in "control." And no one had cell phones or computers. And Facebook didn't exist. Hard to believe that has been in this lifetime. Especially the shoulder pads!

Have a lovely weekend,
Penelope

Dear Mr. Publisher....

Dear Mr. Johnny Come Lately Publisher,

My name is Miranda B. Cuttlefish, and I have written a beautiful and romantic story about two young star-crossed lovers. The title is A Sweet Summertime Love. The heroine is a kind social worker who helps underprivileged children in her spare time, and the hero is a marine with a severe crew-cut who worships the ground she walks on. This lovely contemporary is a "sweet" romance....in other words, no unsavory scenes, if you get my drift. I hope you will consider publishing it. I am a former nun who is following my life-long dream of becoming a romance novelist.

Sincerely,
Miranda B. Cuttlefish

***

Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,

I read your story and found it quite intriguing. I especially like the hero's crew cut. However, I am wondering if you are open to making a few changes to the manuscript before publication. Rated G "sweet" romances are not that popular right now. Could we include some oral sex scenes? In other words, they don't have to "go all the way" but a blow job will surely help sales. What do you think?

John

****

Dear John,

Well, I am slightly uncomfortable with those sorts of unnatural sex acts, but I suppose if you think it will help sales, I would be willing to give it a try.

Sincerely,
Miranda

****

Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,

I have looked over your re-writes and the oral sex scenes need some work. For example, just placing a chaste kiss on the tip of a penis does not actually constitute oral sex. Also, my colleagues think that a menage scenario would spice this story up a bit. One of them also suggested a spanking scene. Maybe when they are visiting the grandmother who lives in Sicily? What do you think?

John

****

Dear John,

I am not familiar with the French language. What exactly does menage mean? And I'm not sure a spanking scene would be appropriate at that emotional point in the story. His grandmother has just died, and you want him to spank the heroine? I don't get it.

Miranda

****

Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,

After further discussion, my colleagues have agreed to publish your book if the following changes are made to the manuscript....

1.) The hero is a vampire.
2.) The heroine is a submissive who requires copious amounts of flogging in order to orgasm.
3.) At least 4 scenes in the book should include anal sex and butt plugs.
4.) A male/male sex scene (potentially orgy) should be added during the marine reunion chapter.
5.) Instead of a crew cut, the hero should have long, shaggy hair (evidently women find this attractive).

Please make the necessary revisions and we will get back to you.

John

****

Dear John,

1.) The majority of my story takes place during daylight hours, so I'm not sure how to transform the hero into a vampire, since he would be instantly incinerated.
2.) What is a butt plug?
3.) How many characters need to be involved in an "orgy"? Just looking for a ball-park figure.
4.) I really feel the crew cut is important to the hero's character since he is a marine.

Miranda

****

Dear Ms. Cuttlefish,

We were pleasantly surprised by your re-writes. Who knew a nun would be so creative with a marine super-orgy scene? That was truly inspired. We now feel your book is ready for publication. In fact, I predict stunning sales for this work. Thank you so much for your flexibility.

John

****

Dear John,

This has certainly been an eye-opening experience for me. After doing some "hands-on" research at the local BDSM club to ensure my book had an authentic feel to it, I am now considered one of the premiere female dominatrixes in my area. I can't wait for Spanking Henrietta to hit the stores. Thanks so much for your help.

Miranda

Review of Winter Woman by Jenna Kernan

Winter Woman by Jenna Kernan

Penelope's introduction to the American frontier was the same as many other small girls....that is to say, Little House On The Prairie. Yes, I voraciously read that entire series, and I learned about how difficult it was for pioneers to survive. Cold, unforgiving winters, the threat of starvation, animal attacks, hungry hordes of grasshoppers, sickness without modern medicine, and Native Americans who could be friend or foe.
(I also suspect that my beard fetish may have its origins with Pa Ingalls, but let's not go there.)
Needless to say, there is the potential for a lot of conflict in frontier-style romance novels. I usually don't like them because of this. In particular, the threat of hideous torture, scalping and disfigurement by angry natives causes me great anxiety. So much so, that I can't relax and enjoy the book.
After attempting to read several well-beloved pioneer/western romance novels, and being horribly disappointed, I gave up. But someone must have recommended Winter Woman to me (I suspect it's because the hero has a beard for a good portion of the story), and I am so very glad I gave it a go! It is a superb story, with the just the right amount of conflict for me. Cordelia is a missionary's widow, forced to survive the unrelenting winter by herself after her husband's ill-timed death. When the hero Nash first meets her, she is starved, afraid, and desperate. He is gruff, coarse, and has no interest in taking care of this woman. 
Their love story was absolute perfection. The skinny city girl learns how to trap and fish and skin a bear, how to fight and trust and use her sharp mind to survive any circumstances. The lone frontiersman learns to share his life with this new partner. He is at first shocked by her determination and willingness to learn and adapt; she earns his respect, then his lust, and finally his love. And eventually, he owes her his very life after a terrifying bear attack. Nash starts out as a wounded animal, devastated by the loss of his first wife, living a solitary and brutal life in the wilderness. Cordelia thaws out his heart and gives him hope for his future--that it could include a wife and family, something he had totally given up on. 
There is a wonderful symmetry in this book, a perfect balance of hard and soft, brutal and kind, past and future. It was touching and suspenseful and unexpected. Who would think a well-educated and religious woman would be the perfect life partner for a cynical and stubborn frontiersman? Well, Jenna Kernan made me fall totally in love with both of these characters, and this book is a gem.
Grade: A
Digging those pioneer beards,Penelope

Most Disturbing Headline Of The Week And Beard Of The Day

"Justin Theroux Hints He Shaved Beard For Jen Aniston"

According to US Weekly (yeah, I read US Weekly, what's it to ya?), Justin Theroux shaved off this most excellent beard for his new girlfriend, Jennifer Aniston. This article states that Theroux was "proud" of his "full, hipster-friendly beard he sported until early summer." However, during an interview with GQ magazine, he admitted "Certain chicks dig it; certain chicks don't." He shaved his beard shortly after they finished shooting the movie Wanderlust (and after he hooked up with Miss Jen). 
All I have to say is.....that beeyotch!

Happy Beardy Friday To All!
Penelope