Penny Watson's Blog, page 59

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Holiday!
Penelope

When Penny Goes To The Dark Side.....

Hee hee heeee! How great is this pic?
Huge thanks to Scott Fiander, who is the artist for RJ Silver, for creating this incredibly life-like portrait of me on the dark side. (Except my boobs aren't that perky, and my fingernails aren't that talon-like). Otherwise, it's a dead ringer.
Scott mentioned that he is a blogging "noob" and I told him I was the opposite....a haggard old bitty with a butt hanging out of my mouth and a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand. He was inspired, as you can see.
I'm thinking that this portrait makes me look like a real writer....in the tradition of Ernest Hemingway....

I got my turkey, I got the booze, now I have to....clean my house. Dammit!
The turkey don't care if the toilets are clean,Penelope

Who Needs A Turkey?

Here's what I accomplished on Monday....
1. Read Sexy Secret Santa by Paige Tyler....a short, cute, sexy holiday story. Fun!
2. Started All I Want For Christmas Is You by Lisa Mondello. So far, so good. It's the complete opposite of Paige's book. No sex, but very sweet and loving and I'm enjoying it a lot. (See! There are so many facets to my personality...hee hee!).
3. Bought a butt-load of alcoholic beverages for Thanksgiving Dinner.
I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. Who knows what Tuesday will bring?
ETA: SWEET MAGIK is finally available on Fictionwise....and it's on sale! $5.74 regular price, and $4.88 if you're a club member. 
Fa la la la la,Penelope

Quickie Holiday Reviews...Fa La La La La!

I reignited my holiday reading obsession this past weekend. Here are three quickie reviews.....


Santa's Wayward Elf by Paige Tyler

My favorite for the weekend! This is an adorable, well-written holiday romance. One of Santa's elves gets lost in the Big Apple and has an unexpected adventure with a hot cop. Tyler did a great job with this story. It's a fun twist on the legend of Santa Claus and the North Pole, with a romantic suspense plot-line.  The characters were wonderful, the sex was hot, and the ending was sweet. The pacing was spot-on until the crime story took over a bit at the end, but otherwise this was close to perfect. I will definitely be reading more books by Paige Tyler.

Grade: 5 Jumbo Mugs of Eggnog! (A-)

❅❅❅❅❅

Home For Christmas by Kate Davies

This was a freebie, and started out with a lot of potential. I love stories that have characters who are in their forties. This one has a widow and her late husband's business partner heading off on a romantic cruise. Unfortunately, it didn't deliver. It felt like a bad Harly novel....superficial, no real emotional connection between the H/h, flat sex scenes, and an abrupt ending. Big bummer.

Grade: 3 Limp Candy Canes (C+)

❄❄❄❄❄

Risky Christmas: Holiday Secrets/Kidnapped At Christmas by Jill Sorenson and Jennifer Morey

So far, I've only read the first story of this Harlequin anthology...Jill Sorenson's Holiday Secrets. A wimpy heroine with lots of issues (fear of swimming, fear of the Mob boss who killed her husband, fear of the cute guy next door) falls head over heels for a totally adorable, sexy, I want-one-in-my-stocking-please handyman surfer dude. Schwing! She has 2 kids and is in the witness protection program. He has a hammer and a surfboard. They're perfect for each other! Hee hee. Actually, this story is very sweet, and I loved loved loved the hero. The wimpy heroine grows a pair by the end of the book and (A) learns how to swim (after a sexy lesson with the hero), (B) thwarts the Mob boss (with some help from her boyfriend's truck), and (C) saves her surfer dude and gets an HEA! Cute story!

Grade: 4 Plump Gingerbread Boys (B)

❆❆❆❆❆

Ho Ho Ho!
Penelope

I Ain't Got Nobody

Time for Saturday's Blast From The 1980s Past Music Video.....inspired by RJ Silver's post today ( I Want To Be A Gigolo ).

From 1986, it's David Lee Roth.....enjoy! Hee heeeee!



Selling each romance,Penelope

Beard Of The Day

And today's choice for Beard of the Day is......drumroll please.....Michael Fassbender!

Yowzah!

Some things about Michael....
1. He's an Irish-German actor, and speaks German fluently.
2. He played Rocky McRochester in the 2011 Jane Eyre! Rock-y! Rock-y!
3. He was an altar boy when he was little.

This guy is hot. And he definitely looks hotter w/ his beard than clean-shaven. Intense, sexy....beard-a-licious!

Hope everyone has a great Friday and a great weekend. I am planning my Thanksgiving menu....turkey, cranberry sauce, jumbo martini.....

Penelope

Quickie Interview With RJ Silver

One of my favorite discoveries in 2011 was a new-to-me author who combines snappy writing, sarcastic humor, and a dollop of romance in his witty short stories. (My other favorite discoveries in 2011 are Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Lovers 85% Cacao Bar and the Etsy site. More on those later!).
Back to RJ. He's an alien. He's hilarious. And he has a book with the word "penis" in the title. Since I have a penchant for reading train wrecks (can you say Bearotica ?) I immediately jumped at the chance to read The Princess and The Penis , thinking it would be excellent fodder for a train wreck post. Little did I know.... it was cute, funny and a hysterical satire of the romance genre. 
Following that unexpected discovery, I quickly read RJ's other stories... The Ballerina, The Gymnast and The Yoga Master , and his latest story, My Third-World Girlfriend . I also started stalking following him on Twitter, at Goodreads, on Facebook, and sending him disturbing fan mail complimentary emails. 
Since he hasn't taken out a restraining order yet, I think he likes me!
RJ was gracious enough to answer a few questions for me today. And he is offering all my readers a totally cool freebie. You can download The Ballerina, The Gymnast and The Yoga Master (my favorite!) for free at Smashwords....use this coupon: CA54Q. Thanks, RJ!
Here's my Interview With RJ......
1.     What is the funniest thing you've ever read? Snorting out loud, embarrassing yourself in a public place sort of funny?
My last divorce settlement was pretty funny, in a cup-your-hands-over-your-face , crying sort of way.  Joseph Heller's Catch-22 was pretty good, too, perhaps because it helped me better understand what happened in the settlement.
2.     Micro-brew from Vermont or Budweiser?
Micro-brew from Vermont. There's nothing I love more than an adventure with an unpredictable ending.
3.     If you had to join one reality TV show, what would it be?
            Lost. I know it only aired for a season or two, but I feel as if I'm still filming.
4.     What's the coolest place you've ever lived?
Downtown Bangkok. Such a bustling, energetic place. The fact I didn't have a job for the year seemed to help, too.
5.     What's the best color combination? A.) Blue and White B.) Navy and Orange C.) Black and Gold ....Follow-up question….How many terrible towels do you own?
Black and Gold, of course. But, actually, I don't own any terrible towels.  I try not to own anything anymore, mainly because it makes a quick escape so much easier.
6.     What's the wackiest fan comment you've ever received?
One woman insisted I write about a vagina (hence my post, The Vagina Conundrum).  Thankfully, I'm in a meaningful relationship, otherwise that might have spurred another 25 years of in-depth research.
7.     Do you plan to write any other books about penises? Just wondering.
No, but I am working on a story involving testicles.  It's about twins.
8.     What's the best "I just fucked up and have to get my girlfriend a suck-up gift" purchase? A) Flowers B) Candy C) 25 karat diamond tiara D) All of the above, and a new SUV wouldn't be a bad idea either
Surprisingly, it was a new SUV. Not very smart, considering that woman had just run over her husband multiple times in Houston.
9.     Any special care for your antenna? Conditioners? Hair mousse? Does your girlfriend try to put a bow on it….sort of like a yorkie? See photo below….




          I don't know what she does with my antenna, but sometimes, when I wake up, the top of my head is sore.  As for special care, no.  It's up there in the fresh air and the sunshine, with no folds or crevices to worry about, so it pretty much takes care of itself.             
10. If someone had to play you in a movie, who would it be?
Jack Nicholson, hands down.  He's been crazy (One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest), had serious women problems (The Witches of Eastwick), and has firsthand experience working with Aliens (Mars Attacks).  Jack, call me.

Oh....I LOVE Jack! Good one! He would look great with an antenna on his head, too. Well, it's always good to have a fellow Stillers fan (that's "Steelers" for all you non-Pittsburghers) on my site. Thanks for stopping by.

For anyone looking for a quick, funny, clever, well-written story, I recommend any of RJ's books...

The Princess And The Penis
The Ballerina, The Gymnast and The Yoga Master (use coupon CA54Q)
My Third-World Girlfriend

Also, check out his website and blog....he has some hilarious posts! And all of the adorable cartoons are done by Scott Fiander.

Well, I'm off to wave my terrible towel and guzzle down a Magic Hat #9. Please leave a comment for RJ and say hi!

Penelope

Holding Hands

It's pretty easy to lose sight of true romance. I'm not talking about the well-worn clichés....the single red rose, or the declaration of love on the beach at sunset. I'm talking about simple gestures.
If you read a lot of romance/erotica, you're probably somewhat jaded. After reading a super-orgy scene with seven battle-hardened generals, a riding crop, and an unfortunate sex slave, you might forget that simple is best. (And probably a lot less painful).
For me, the most simple, sweet and pure gesture of love is holding hands. 
People say that eyes are the "windows to our soul." But I think hands are the windows to our souls, our personalities, our lives. Do we have flashy painted fingernails? Cuts and scrapes from working in the garden? Ink marks? Marker smudges from our children? Chocolate under our nails from baking? Every wrinkle and scar are badges of honor. Our hands create, heal, connect.
There is nothing more romantic than that first joining of hands. Reaching for another. Linking yourself to a soul-mate. Exploring, tentative, this new union.
Joining hands is not just for romantic lovers. It connects parent and child, aged and youth, friend with friend.
There is certainly a time and place for lusty love scenes, graphically depicted. But when all is said and done, sometimes the best part of those scenes is the aftermath, when two lovers spoon each other in slumber, hands interlocked, souls finally at peace.
Off to the bus-stop with my daughter....holding her hand all the way,Penelope

Oskar's Interview at Not Now...I'm Reading!

Please stop by Not Now...I'm Reading and check out Oskar's interview with Jen and Juju. They are discussing elves, snowboarding, and O's tattoo collection. They are also giving away copies of Sweet Inspiration and Sweet Magik. Don't miss it!

Penny

Monday Morning Updates: Winners and Sinners!

1. First bit o' business....the winner of the Sweet Magik Giveaway. Congrats to ODDERIE (Audrey!)....you have won a copy of Sweet Magik and the cute holiday necklace! Yee haw! Merry Christmas to you from Oskar and all the Klaus Brothers!

2. Some good news.....Sweet Magik is on the bestseller list at Bookstrand.com for the Fairy Tales/Myths category. It also got another great review from Jen at Not Now....I'm Reading. She says..."I LOVED this story. It had a little bit of everything: action, adventure, mystery, romance and plenty of fan yourself moments....Most importantly, [Penny] infuses her stories with the things I think are the most important part of holiday spirit: family, love and friendship." Wow! What a great review....I am stoked! Happy Monday morning! (ETA: And another nice review from Tales Of Whimsy ).

3. My daughter had her final soccer game of the season yesterday. After dancing on the field, chatting with her buds during the game, giggling after the ball bounced off her head, she finally found her mojo. She had 2 incredible shots on goal, was sprinting all over the field, and when another player was pushing her around, she threw her elbow and knocked the kid out of the way. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! Proud Mommy Moment.

4. Finally....the "Sinners." As I perused the bestseller list at Bookstrand this weekend, I found a book that threw me for a loop. At first I thought it must be a typo. Then, I realized it was actually an "orgy-style" book? Not sure what term to use for this one exactly, but here's the category description....

MMMMMMM

That's right, folks. Seven! Count them, seven guys having an orgy. The book blurb includes the words "lush firm buttocks," "battle-hardened generals," and "riding crop." Needless to say, I was stymied. How could 7 guys get it on at the same time? Wouldn't some of the guys get bored waiting for their turn? Maybe they played with an ipod while waiting in line. Or talked sports. All I know is that one poor little sex slave could not possibly service 6 horny generals at the same time. And I have NO intention of reading this book to find out otherwise.

Well, I hope everyone has a great week!

Penelope