Penny Watson's Blog, page 57

Walking On Sunshine

Another excellent 1980s bit o' music. Here is Katrina and the Waves singing Walking On Sunshine.

Have a Sunny Sunday,Penelope

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program....

Nothing like 24 hours in the emergency room getting an EKG, blood work, chest X-ray, more EKGs, and a stress test to bring home the true meaning of Christmas.....
Cocktails.
☺Just kidding. Due to ill effects of a new med (which I figured out 24 hours later), I experienced chest pain on Thursday night, went to the ER, got a whole bunch of stuff done, and ended up not leaving the damned hospital until almost 24 hours later. The good news: I'm fit as a fiddle, and my heart is doing great. No blood clots. Everything is A-OK. The bad news: I was in the ER for 24 freakin' hours. Cripes.
(Just as an aside, I find it extremely irritating that you cannot wear a bra while doing the stress-test. Jogging on a treadmill without a brassiere is a super bad idea).
So, I'll be taking it easy this weekend and enjoying time w/ the family. My son brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in the hospital, and my daughter refused to sit down because it was a "germ-fest in here." 
This week I'm shopping for the kids and my hubby, which I love to do. And planning a Christmas dinner. My husband is making his famous beef tenderloin with 3 sauces....white, red and green. Cute!
Happy Weekend To All,Penelope

If You Take The "Maul" Out Of The An-i-maul, All You Have Left Is Zzzzzz......

If you ask me what I think is the most boring thing in the world, I will answer without hesitation.

Politics.

(Also.......watching golf on TV).

I fall asleep reading about politics. I fall asleep watching news shows about politics. I fall asleep when people start talking about politics.

Zzzzzzz........

So, I can't think of a better way to crush a potentially exciting story than to smother it with politics.

In theory, paranormal romance about animal shape-shifters is a brilliant concept. Animals are primitive, loyal, brutal. These stories should be filled with excitement, sensuality, chemistry, passion, intensity and even violence. What could be more intense than animalistic sex? What could be more powerful than loyalty to a mate?

So what would be the #1 way to mess up a shifter story? Add politics. A lot of politics. Instead of focusing on the animal, focus on the most boring-ass part of "human" society. *Yawn*

If you take the animal out of the animal shifter story, all you have left is stupid-ass humans. Bor-ing.

Christine Feehan gets the appeal of animal shifters. She focuses on the animal in its habitat. She really gets into their heads. Think like one. Smell like one. Hunt like one. Kill like one. Love like one. The focus of her shifter stories is the characters, what motivates them, how they behave and how the animal part of their personalities dictates their lives. These books are totally satisfying reads. I love them!

I just finished reading Jennifer Ashley's Bodyguard and I was underwhelmed. Too much politics. Too much focus on the plot/storyline. Where was the animalistic, hot and heavy sex scenes? Missing in action. I find that Shelly Laurenston's shifter books, as well as Lora Leigh's breeder series, also do the same thing. By focusing too much on the human-side of things, including the political structure of these societies, they have squashed the animalistic excitement right out of the story.

If the hero of a story is a gigantic Kodiak bear, I'm jonesing for some gigantic, bear-sized sex scenes.

ROAR!

Thinking that a spanky elf could have helped out that story, too (which is worrisome),
Penelope

In Defense Of Spoilers

I have been following an interesting thread at Amazon where folks are discussing the pros and cons of spoilers, among other issues. Here are some thoughts on the subject.....

First of all, there is a difference between stating an "opinion" of a book, and writing a review. For example...

This is an "opinion".... That book sucked.

This is a "review".... That book sucked because of poor writing, shallow characterization, too much purple prose, and unresolved conflict.

This is an even better review..... That book sucked because of poor writing (do you not know how to spell "captin"?), shallow characterization (we never got to see any deep POV for Charlie's character), too much purple prose ("your petals are filled with the sweetest dew") and unresolved conflict (what happened to the sister trapped in a Turkish prison)?

In other words, an opinion is just a statement with nothing to back it up. A review should be supported by details. Specific details make it even better.

I have an academic background. You always, always, always, support your hypothesis. You cite specific examples from the text to back up your claim. It's still an opinion. What I consider purple prose someone else might think is the best writing since the holy bible. But at least I am supporting my point of view with details.

This is why I use spoilers in my reviews. This is also why I usually don't read full reviews of books until AFTER I have read them. I don't want to spoil the read for myself, but I enjoy checking out other folks' opinions after the fact.

It is possible to write a general review that includes basic details without including spoilers. I do it all the time. It just sounds like a more generic review. "Great pacing, lovely setting, beautiful love story!" This is fine. But this is even better..... "The moment when Zsadist scribbles 'I love you' on a scrap of paper and hands it to Bella is one of the most touching scenes I have ever read in a romance." It's a spoiler, but it also captures what is magical about that book.

So, those are my deep thoughts for the day!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday,
Penelope

Didn't See That One Coming

And in somewhat unexpected news yesterday, the following occurred....

1. Aliens landed in Hollywood and kidnapped the Kardashian family.
2. Santa Claus announced his retirement and subsequent relocation to Aruba.
3. My daughter ate something healthy.
4. RT Book Reviews reviewed Sweet Magik in a Web-Exclusive Review.

I know. I know. You're shaking your head and thinking "Sure, Penny, RT Book Reviews reviewed your little Christmas story. Uh huh."

Haaa Haaaa Haaa Haaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Craziness!!!!!!

Anyhow, it's a very nice review. Here are some snippets and here is the link to the full review:

"This book starts with a crazy premise and it just gets wackier as it goes." Holy crap! That is so true! It is wacky!

"....there are some surprisingly sweet moments." Sweet! I love sweet!

"Sweet Magik will surely help readers get into the Christmas spirit, at least those readers that are willing to suspend disbelief and go along for a ride to the North Pole." Hot diggity damn, that's awesome!

Okay, I am done hyperventilating, dancing a jig, and checking to make sure one of my friends isn't playing a practical joke on me.

(Julia--you better not be playing a practical joke on me!!)

Pretty sure she's not.

Hope everyone has a great day! (Wouldn't it be great if aliens really did kidnap the Kardashians?)

Penny

Penelope's Top 20 List For 2011

It's that time again! Time for Penelope's World-Famous Top 20 List....Enjoy!


1. Best Book With The Word "Penis" In The Title: The Princess and The Penis by RJ Silver

I thought it was a joke. But the joke was on me. The Princess and The Penis is the best self-pubbed book I've read this year. It's well-written, clever and laugh-out-loud funny. And it's written by a little green alien. Who knew?

2. Best Amish Romance:
Annette Blair never ceases to amaze me. She can write snappy mysteries, quirky romances, and emotional tear-jerker Amish stories. Jacob's Return is a powerful and intense love story. I bawled my eyes out at the end, and fell in love with this book.

3. Biggest Pansy-Ass Metrosexual: Roarke from JD Robb's Naked In Death

In spite of receiving death threats in Bertucci's from a rabid fan, I am sticking to my guns about Roarke. Based on the first book of the series, Naked In Death, I don't get the appeal. While Eve kicked butt, Roarke drank wine. Give me a freakin' break! I am firmly ensconced in the "I-Don't-Love-Roarke" brigade. I have a membership card and everything. (I appear to be the sole member of this club).

4. Most Over-Priced Quickie About A Horny Alien Gorilla Dude From Outer Space: Dementia 

Here's the book synopsis in a nutshell.... It's a 30 page quickie about a super horny alpha male gorilla alien dude from outer space who kidnaps an earth girl to use as a sex slave, chases after her in the jungle, and then she gets trapped by a super horny alien plant that fondles her sex organs and tries to suck her dry until she goes completely insane (hence the title Dementia), but then the "hero" finds her and boinks her for most of the 30 pages, and then they decide they are hopelessly in love with each other.

Any questions?

5. Most Misleading Cover: Northern Fascination by Jennifer LaBrecque

The cover shows a rugged bearded hero wearing a plaid shirt, with six-pack abs and ripped jeans. The hero in this book is actually an executive weenie who goes to Alaska to buy out an entire town. His only "tool" is a Blackberry. Oh Harly, how could you?

6. Best Cougar Story: The Unidentified Redhead by Alice Clayton

I could not stop laughing out loud at this hilarious, sexy cougar story. (And I don't even like cougar stories). This book has awesome pop culture references, smoky hot sex scenes, and an adorable British hero. It's a sure thing.

7. Best Sci-Fi Erotica: Captured by Julia Rachel Barrett

What if aliens came to Earth to capture humans and auction us off as a food source? This is the premise for Barrett's excellent sci-fi erotica Captured. I found it suspenseful, thought-provoking, and intelligent. Another winning story by Julia.

8. Characters I Most Want To Hit Over The Head With A Cast-Iron Skillet: Shelly Laurenston's Beasts.

They're immature, horny, foul-mouthed, hyper and the most unlikable characters I have ever encountered. I seem to be in the minority, because most folks love this series. I would really love to ding them over the head with a cast-iron skillet, although I don't think that would do any good. They would just pop back up and yell "bitch"!!!!

9. Best Cocktail Of The Year: The Gingerbread Man

This ain't your mamma's gingerbread recipe, baby. Bailey's, schnapps, and vodka will knock you on your ass faster than you can say "Ho, ho, ho!"

10. Most Disturbing Use Of A Jar Of Honey: Bearotica

I found my limit with hairy dudes, and it was Bearotica. This compilation of gay male "bear" stories was poorly-written, often disturbing, and liberally sprinkled with pots of honey. My therapist thinks I'll recover by 2015.

11. Favorite Spanky Elf Christmas Story: Santa's Wayward Elf by Paige Tyler

What do you get when you mix the mob, a naughty elf, a hot cop, and the Big Apple? One fun spanky elf story! Spanking and Santa Claus seemed to be the theme of the month for holiday erotica.

12. Best Multi Boy Band Concert: NKOTBSB

The New Kids On The Block and The Backstreet Boys might be old, they might be bald, and their voices might crack on occasion, but they still got the moves! There's nothing like Donnie Wahlberg ripping off his T-shirt and showing off some fine-looking abs. A sublime moment of musical history, I'm sure.

13. Best Zombie Mash-Up: Jane Slayre by Sherri Erwin

It takes a lot of chutzpah to zombify a well-beloved classic like Jane Eyre. Erwin has managed to add humor and horror into the classic tale, and transform Jane into an empowered monster-slayer. Me likey!

14. New Favorite Mystery Series: The Liam Campbell Series by Dana Stabenow

I sucked down this whole series in a matter of days. These books have got it all....stunning Alaskan setting, conflicted romance, fascinating storylines, and even a bit of the paranormal. Killer series. (And I mean that both ways).

15. Best Book With Marauding Cavemen, The Bermuda Triangle, T Rex, Plane Wrecks, Time Warps, and Hot Conquistadors: Island Heat by Jill Myles

This book was right up my wacky alley. It packed everything into one story, and for some crazy reason, it worked. Surprisingly, it's the only book nominated in this category.

16. Best Beard: Nash in Winter Woman

Nash is a pioneer who lives a brutal life in the wilderness. He is wild and raggedy and beardy. A big, scraggly beard. (Which he unfortunately shaves off, but let's pretend that didn't happen, shall we?). The pioneer beard wins. Also known as The Pa Ingalls Beard Of Achievement.

17. Best Steampunk: The Iron Duke by Meljean Brook

I'm hoping that I never experience a zombie apocalypse, or a world like Brook's steampunk vision. Dark, disturbing, fascinating, scary as hell. What an incredible back-drop for a love story! This book is excellent.

18. Best Heroine

This is always a toughie. I adored Thalia in Zoe Archer's Warrior....she is a beautiful, strong-willed and loyal woman, and the perfect match for her hero. I also loved Cordelia in Winter Woman. She transforms herself from a scrawny city girl into a heroic pioneer. Linnet in Eloisa James' When Beauty Tamed The Beast is a wonderful mix of contradictions...vain and lovely, sharp and thoughtful. And Mina in The Iron Duke is a phenomenal heroine...brave and resourceful and passionate. But the #1 heroine for the year is.....none other than Jane from Jane Eyre. Despite all obstacles and heart-break, she maintains her strength, her integrity, and her love. Jane is a wonder, and my favorite heroine of 2011.

19. Best Hero

I met some very cool heroes this year. Max in The Reluctant Nude was quirky and charming and endearing. Nash in Winter Woman was like a big wounded bear dedicated to keeping his new woman safe and protected in the wilderness. Piers, in Eloisa James' When Beauty Tamed The Beast, is one of the greatest heroes I've ever seen. Brilliant and blunt and angry. What a wonderful love story! But my pick for Best Hero of 2011 is the quintessential wounded soul, Rocky McRochester from Jane Eyre. Edward Rochester is filled with passion, and flaws, and pride. And love. I adore his long-winded monologues. I adore his melodramatic proclamations. I adore his acceptance and love for Jane. Hot damn, Rocky is the one!

20. Best Book

I read some doozies this year. (No, I'm not talking about Bearotica!). Shadowfever wrapped up Karen Marie Moning's epic series with a bang. It was an extraordinary journey, filled with incredible imagery and drama. The Iron Duke was a stunning steampunk vision, Warrior was a passion-filled adventure, and When Beauty Tamed The Beast was a perfect bit of storytelling. Winter Woman, an oldie but goodie, was one that I will re-read again and again. But the best read of the year was a classic that I was lucky to discover at the ripe old age of 45. Why I waited that long, I have no idea. Jane Eyre is my kind of story. It takes you to the edge of the abyss, a place filled with despair and tragedy, and then it brings you hope. It gives you joy and love and hope for the future, as a man crushed by tragedy embraces his soulmate and salvation. Holy macarena.....that is one of the greatest final scenes ever! EVER! I had a wonderful reading year in 2011, and Jane Eyre was the greatest gift of all.

All My Best,
Penelope

Mexican Wedding Cookies

This weekend's agenda: Get Christmas tree. Put up Christmas decorations. Mail Christmas cards. Listen to Christmas music. Watch "Elf" for the 10 billionth time.
Notice a theme?
We are also baking Christmas cookies for a Christmas Cookie Party. One of our favorite family cookie recipes is this one for Mexican Wedding Cookies. My mom used to make these every year. Yum!

Mexican Wedding Cookies
Ingredients:2 c. flour1 c. butter, softened1/2 c. sugar2 teaspoons vanilla1/4 teaspoon salt1 c. finely ground pecanspowdered sugar
Beat first 5 ingredients at low speed until just mixed. Then increase speed to medium until mixture is light and fluffy. Stir in pecans. Wrap dough in plastic wrap and chill for about 2 hours.  Roll into 1 inch balls. Place on ungreased cookie sheet about 1" apart. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes (or until lightly browned). Cool slightly, then roll in powdered sugar. Cool completely, then roll again. Eat 'em up! 
Happy Weekend!
Penelope

Holiday Reading Recommendations From Penelope

In spite of the fact that I have read a couple of stinker holiday romances lately, I still love this sub-genre. It's not enough to have your story take place at Christmas-time. A real Christmas romance should have some underlying themes that are Christmas-related....things like generosity of heart, love of family, belief in Christmas magic, the occurrence of miracles. (And for holiday erotica, lots of spanking....hee hee!) Here are some of my favorite Christmas reads....
1. Under The Mistletoe by Mary BaloghHistorical romance lends itself very well to Christmas-themed stories. Mary Balogh is the master of sentimental moments. It's a winning combination. This is a super romantic and lovely collection.
2. Dark Celebration by Christine FeehanYou wouldn't think that a bunch of Carpathian vampires would make for a funny, tender, and emotional holiday read, but you would be wrong! This book is an awesome re-visiting of my favorite Carpathian couples. If you are not familiar with the Dark series, I wouldn't recommend it. But if you do like Feehan's books, this one is great. (Skyler and Dimitri make an appearance....yay!)
3. A Virgin River Christmas by Robyn CarrI adore this book. I love stories with wounded heroes....Ian has a big red beard and has been traumatized by his time in the military. He is raw and angry, and only the love of a good woman can bring him joy again. This book kicks ass. Romantic, emotional, sexy. And did I mention the hero has a beard? Just checking!
4. An Affair Before Christmas by Eloisa JamesEven though this book has the most preposterous premise for a historical ever (please see my review), it is still an adorable book. Sweet and satisfying and very Christmas-y. And this is my favorite line from a holiday romance....
"Poppy, what did you think that Christmas was for?"
"Nibbling on gingerbread men?" she whispered.
"I'm your gingerbread man," he said.

Yowzah!
5. A Simple Amish Christmas by Vannetta ChapmanThis is one of my favorite Amish stories. It is sweet and romantic and the hero has a beard. (Well, he's Amish for God's sake!). I cried reading this one. In a good way. :^)
6. A Christmas Ball  by Jennifer Ashley, Emily Bryan and Alissa JohnsonThis is a cute historical anthology, with stories by Jennifer Ashley, Emily Bryan (Mia Marlowe) and Alissa Johnson. Ashley's story was not my favorite, but I adored the ones by Bryan and Johnson. They were clever and funny and touching. Definitely recommend this one.
7. Santa's Wayward Elf by Paige TylerThis is a very sexy, quirky holiday erotica. I was totally entertained. (Some other holiday erotica I enjoyed last year.... The Christmas Fantasy by KT Grant, with a sexy firefighter and a curvy heroine, and Kidnapped For Christmas by Evangeline Anderson, a "light-BDSM" holiday story.)
8. All I Want For Christmas Is You by Lisa MondelloI don't normally read traditional contemporary romances like this, but I'm really glad I checked this one out. It's all about family--you can't get more Christmas-y than that. Kyle is a wonderful hero. (Another traditional romance I read this year was Holiday Secrets by Jill Sorenson--it's a Harly!--I loved the surfer hero and the sweet HEA).
9. Christmas Elf by Tielle St. ClareAnother naughty elf story...this one is really funny, too. 
10. The Polar Express by Chris Van AllsburgNot a romance novel. This is a children's book, and it makes me cry every single time I read it. In fact, my kids often say, "Hey, let's make Mom cry! Get out The Polar Express!" Then we read it and they watch my face on the last page. I start sobbing every time. Beautiful.
Have any favorites to add to the list?Penny

Feel Better Yet? How 'Bout Now? Now? Now?

Didn't I say I was going to take a break from reading Christmas romance? Didn't I? Huh? Huh?

Well, I didn't. As I was perusing my Kindle, I found out I had down-loaded this freebie ( One Imperfect Christmas by Myra Johnson), and I couldn't resist.

That'll teach me.

It started out okay....for about 1/2 page. Then it got bad. And worse. And more depressing. And filled with despair. It's about a crumbling marriage. And a woman filled with guilt. And a daughter filled with anger. Everyone's life is going down the toilet. Down deeper....and deeper...and deeper....

I didn't like any of the characters. They were irritating, self-absorbed, and some were downright duplicitous. The husband was okay. I didn't like the daughter. Or the daughter's friend. Especially the wife. I didn't even like the brother. The business partner. Or the delivery guy.

At 12% I thought, things will get better soon, right? At 38%....how about now? At 54%....how about now? At 79%....please, now! Please, I'm begging you! At 85%....now...pretty please? At 99%....too late.

Why did I keep reading? Because I kept thinking it would get better.

So, about half-way through I finally realized this was a Christian Inspirational romance. (The references to God/Jesus and prayer time finally registered in my thick skull.) I have no problem with that at all. In fact, the only bright, hopeful spots in this book for about 99% of the story were when the characters prayed.

Prayer: Dear God, I love Daniel. Please let our marriage survive. 
Dialogue: Daniel, you are a horrible father. You neglected our marriage. You never tried to understand me.

What the hell is that? I have never seen such a big disconnect between deep POV and/or internal prayer time and the actions/dialogue of a character. Natalie keeps thinking she loves her husband, and then she turns around and acts like a snotty selfish ding-a-ling. O-kay.

At one point, I actually wished Natalie would file for divorce so her poor husband could find a new woman who would be nice to him.

I cried at the end. Three times. I'm not sure if this was from sheer emotional exhaustion, or if I was moved by the Christmas spirit.

See, this is why I need to avoid contemporary romance at all costs. Because I don't want an "imperfect" Christmas with real-life problems. Selfish wives, run-away hubbies, conniving daughters, conniving daughter's friends, interfering family members, ineffective therapists, depressing subject matter. Who needs it?

There were a few sweet moments in this book....all of them had to do with the mother who was incapacitated by a stroke, and her long-suffering husband desperately trying to hold it together. But after all that angst, what I really wanted was a wonderful reunion between Natalie and Daniel. And it just didn't happen. Two sentences on the last page do NOT make a HEA.

Sigh.

This book was not poorly written, and as far as standard contemporaries go, I'm sure it was okay. I just found it depressing as hell. I was sort of wishing for a spanky elf to show up at the end and lighten the mood.

Grade: C? For...Crushing My Soul? D? For...Darkening My Day? F? For...Forcing Me To Take Lexapro?

I have no clue how to grade this book. I give up.

Anyhow, as God is my witness, I am taking a hiatus from holiday romance. *signed in blood and sealed with a shot of egg nog*

Going to read the comics,
Penny

To Sex Or Not To Sex, That Is The Question

I just finished Mistletoe and Margaritas by Shannon Stacey. Yet another holiday romance. I might actually be reaching my saturation point on the holiday romances, believe it or not.
I had high hopes for this one, since I heartily enjoyed Stacey's book Exclusively Yours . It was cute and sexy and funny. Unfortunately, Mistletoe and Margaritas was a big flop for me. Some authors can capture the magic in a shorter format, and some can't. This book was too short, the ending was way too abrupt, and the sex scenes were a huge let-down. Which made me think about something that drives me nuts.
The sex scenes in a romance/erotica need to be appropriate for the book.
Here's what I mean.....If the book is an angsty Amish story that focuses on the emotional connection between the characters, then throwing in a wild orgy scene is not appropriate. Likewise, if the book has highly sexualized characters, then having "closed-door" sex scenes is not appropriate. (Imagine JR Ward's series without the sex....)
With some Harly books, the authors concentrate on sweet and loving gestures, such as kissing, holding hands, etc. These books don't need graphic sex scenes to complete them. The emotional connection is more important for the story arc.
On the other hand, if an author spends a lot of time building up sexual tension between the H/h, talking about how they lust for each other, are hot for each other, have been fantasizing about each other for years, can't wait to get it on, etc etc etc, then for the love of God, we better get a smokin-hot sex scene in that book. You can't build up sexual tension and then leave your readers hanging. That is a less-than-satisfying read, and super disappointing.
That was one of my main problems with Mistletoe and Margaritas. The hero has been in love (and lust) with the heroine for years. The heroine keeps talking about how horny she is. But the sex scenes didn't deliver. They were too brief and totally unsatisfying, in my opinion. If the sexual tension is a big part of the story, then we need a lot of frosting on the cake of love. (That sort of sounds like an Elvis song).
Grade: C-
Anyhoo, I think I might read a non-Christmasy book next. To cleanse the palate, so to speak.
Don't Leave Me Hanging,Penelope