Penny Watson's Blog, page 54

Feeling Peevish

1. Pet Peeve #1.....

I have the most incredible news in the world!!! OH MY GOD! 

(Too bad I can't tell you right now. Maybe later.)

OH MY GOD!


Maybe you should tell me later.

*Penny sharpens her katana with an evil glint in her eye*


2. Pet Peeve #2.....

If one more author/agent/publisher/blogger/reviewer/reader tells the rest of us how to read/write/review/talk/post/rate/grade I will swing my steely katana through the air like a muther f*ckin' ninja on crack and kick some idiotic ass!


3. Pet Peeve #3....

When my dachshund plays with her dinosaur chew toy. The squeaking! The squeaking! Make it stop!

*Penny fantasizes about decapitating dinosaur with large, sharpened sword*



4. Pet Peeve #4......

Hey....let's make a lot of money by encouraging folks to eat super-unhealthy diets and develop diabetes! Great idea!

Here's the thing. Eating deep-fried food isn't good for you. Ever. It's gonna kill you. So, saying "I'll eat deep fried food in moderation" is the equivalent of saying "I'll smoke 7 ciggies a day instead of 14." One way or another, it's still gonna kill ya. Shame on you, Paula Deen.


5. Pet Peeve #5.....

Captains who save their own sorry asses while their luxury cruise liner sinks and innocent people die. I guess the George Clooney-style honorable captains who go down with the ship (A Perfect Storm) are only found in Hollywood? Jay-sus.


6. Pet Peeve #6......

Getting folks addicted to paranormal series with a crack-like intensity, then charging exorbitant amounts of money for the Kindle version. So. Very. Un. Cool.


Still feeling peevish,
Penelope

"When It Looks Like A Lion's Mane, I'm Done"

Instructions to my stylist.

These are words I never want to hear at the beauty salon....subtle, natural, flat.

These are good.....big, fluffy, Jon Bon Jovi from the 1980s.

Off for my hair appointment......

Penelope

ETA: My hair looks fantastic! :^) Bon Jovi would be proud!

Planning My Summer Vacation

While I freeze my arse off in New England, I am planning my summer vacation to Kauai.

Nice!

Anyone been there? Suggestions? Recommendations? Let me know!

Happy Monday! Dream about sea turtles and lush green landscapes,
Penelope

An Invitation to Read This Book, With Just a Few Conditions....

Miss Penelope,

Our client has written a stunning work of epic proportions. We would like to invite you to read and review this book, with just a few conditions....

1. You must have at least 100,000 followers on your blog.
2. Your blog must have won a minimum of 386 awards.
3. Your followers must all possess a high school diploma.
4. We frown upon an abundance of curse words.
5. Blogs with half-clothed male models will not be approved.
6. We highly encourage 4 or 5 star reviews. If you grade this work below that mark, please do not expect to receive any more freebies from our publisher.
7. If you do decide to read and review this book and give it an excellent rating, we have a time-share in Bermuda that is open in the month of April.
8. Promoting this book via tweets, facebook posts, etc will result in 250 additional free ebooks being sent to your address.
9. Blogs with satirical posts mocking the publishing industry will not be approved.
10. Due to an unfortunate incident with a dachshund in our childhood, any blogs with a weenie dog mascot will not be approved.

We hope to hear from you soon,
Marketing Director for The Next Big Thing

P.S. Once you have signed the attached document in your own blood and returned it, we will send you a pdf file.


Dear Marketing Director,

Boy, oh boy. I sure hope I meet your stringent requirements. I never realized that I had to pass a strict set of criteria in order to read a book and write a review. How about I buy the book with my own money, and then I can say whatever I want to. I'm gonna pass on the freebies.

Have a nice day,
Penelope

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Observations by a 9 Year Old

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Observations by my 9 year old daughter Nat....

"Mom, he's so cute. I like baby monkeys. Mom, that guy is mean. I don't like him. Mom. Mom. Are the apes good or bad? Mom, how is that guy sick? Mom, what is his disease? Oh. I think he's better now. Mom, I can't keep all the different ape names straight. Mom, what happened to the circus ape? Mom, is this movie going to have a happy ending? Mom, I want a pet monkey. I always wanted a pet monkey. Mom, when I get my pet monkey I'm going to name it Caesar. Caesar's a good name. Mom, that virus is good for the apes, but bad for people. Mom, I can't eat any dinner because I'm thinking about Caesar. That also happens to me when I watch zombie movies.....

Mom, this movie is totally getting 5 stars."

Grade: 5 stars (4.5 from Nat's mom)

Happy Weekend,
Penelope

Stronger

What doesn't kill you makes you strongerStand a little taller
What doesn't kill you makes a fighterFootsteps even lighter


Rock along, little chickies....Penelope

Thrilling Thursday: Thrills and Chills and Dills

I read 3 books yesterday....

1.) Thrills....

OH MY GOD!

I finished Restless in the Grave by Dana Stabenow. What a book! What an ENDING! This book was absolutely.....

PHENOMENAL!

I will put together a review and post it for release week in February. I can't stop thinking about it. Fans of her Kate Shugak series will be thrilled. Liam's fans will be thrilled. This book not only lived up to the hype, but surpassed it in grand fashion.

YOWZAH!

2.) Chills....

I read a quickie erotica about a woman who owns an ice-cream shop, called Kandy Shoppe .  Her name is Kandy, of course. Hee hee....really! It was a cute, sexy read, but not a lot of story.


3.) Dills....as in Dill Pickle...as in Weenie....as in dachshund (I know that one's a stretch!)...

I read Doxology , which pretty much seemed like a blog post. Super quick, funny, not a lot of substance. A cute satire about a doxie with healing powers.


Now I'm about to start a book for my Penelope Project...In for a Penny by Rose Lerner. Hope it's good!

Happy Thursday To All!
Penny

The Litmus Test

To each, his own.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
That's why there are 31 flavors to choose from.

We all know that our tastes and opinions are unique. There is no other person on earth who shares all of our likes....in film and fashion and home decor.....and books.

Even certain things that seem like a given--EVERYONE likes vanilla ice-cream!--are not set in stone. There are folks who hate vanilla ice-cream. Even though it seems classic, simple, delicious, as though it should be universally loved.

But that's just not the case.

It's not that surprising that certain books we love and cherish are not loved and cherished by all of our colleagues, friends, neighbors, family.

But I bet most of us have one book, maybe more than one, that we use as a litmus test.

It's....THE one. The one that is most special to you. The one that embodies everything you truly love about romance...your perfect hero, your perfect heroine, your perfect story, your perfect everything.

The folks who adore that book know something about you. About who you are, what you believe in. They get you. They're on the same page of life.

And the folks who don't get that book.....

Well, maybe you look at them a little bit differently. Not that you don't like or respect them. But you realize that you're not really on the same page. If they don't get that book, then.....they don't get you.

Your sense of humor.

Your quirks, your eccentricities.

Your belief in love. Your belief in romance. Your belief in happy endings.

Our favorite books reveal something about ourselves. Why we are reading romance in the first place. What we need. Comfort, reassurance, hope, inspiration, sex.

I have a book that's my litmus test. It's Almost Like Being In Love by Steve Kluger. This book is not a normal "romance" novel by any means. It's actually a M/M story, which is not my typical read.

It's funky, it's quirky, it's weird, it's hilarious. It's unexpected. It has yin and yang. Balance. Hope. Pop culture references. Some of the funniest dialogue I've ever seen in a book.

It has a happy ending.

This book....is ME. I'm weird and quirky. I'll all about yin and yang. I'm about the happy ending.

I still remember who recommended this book to me. I respect her opinions on everything. Because anyone who gets this book is totally on my same page. Anyone who gets this book.....gets me.

Not everyone likes this book, of course. It has a funky structure, it takes a while to get into, it has a very strong voice. But it is my litmus test.

I'm thinking that most people have a litmus test. That one book that is you. That embodies everything you love about reading. It could be a classic, like Jane Eyre. It could be something controversial. It could be anything, really.

It's your litmus test. When you hear someone say...."That book changed my life. That book was the greatest thing I ever read. That book is....THE ONE"---you know you've found a kindred spirit.

I think we all have a litmus test book.

What's yours?

Penny

Review of Wild and Steamy: An Anthology

Review for Wild and Steamy by Meljean Brook, Jill Myles, and Carolyn Crane

Let's review my criteria for writing a kick-ass novella. I actually love shorter stories. If they are done well. Which is difficult. You can't squeeze in a lot of stuff with 15,000 words. A novella should be an amuse-bouche. Just a taste....satisfying in one, single bite. A quick introduction to the author's voice, a quick snippet of a love affair, a brief and intriguing look into a paranormal world.

Making one bite good and satisfying is extremely difficult.

Some folks are left wanting more, and feel gypped.

Some folks are left saying...."What? That's it? I don't get it."

Some folks get a perfect single bite, an explosion of tastes and textures, and say...."Holy macarena! That author is the master of the universe!"

In addition to this, an anthology should have some sort of cohesive theme holding it together. For example, a Christmas anthology is all holiday-themed. A Bearotica anthology is all about hairy, gay guys. Stuff like that. Just throwing together a bunch of short stories willy-nilly does not make an anthology.

Now, onto Wild and Steamy.....

1.) I read the whole book and thought...."These stories do NOT go together. Why were they in an anthology together?" Then, I went to Amazon to read the book description...."Three all-new novellas of the supernatural and steampunk kind...." Hmmm. Interesting. But it makes no sense. Brook's story was steampunk, Myles story was an erotica, and Crane's story was UF. There was no cohesion in this anthology at all. They were a mismatch.

The title: Wild and Steamy? What the hell is that all about? Brook's story was not wild or steamy. Myles' was extremely steamy, but not wild. And Crane's book was neither. A misnomer if I've ever seen one.

2.) The Blushing Bounder by Meljean Brook

Absolutely freakin' fantastic. Everything a novella should be. A taste of her quirky steampunk world. Fabulous characterization in a short amount of time. Suspense, intrigue. This is text-book perfect how to write a novella. Even got an awesome HEA at the end.

Let's face some facts here. You just don't have time to lay down all the world-building details of a paranormal setting in a novella. Can't do it. Not enough time. Brook didn't even try. She just threw us into the world and let us sink or swim. I have read The Iron Duke, so I knew what I was getting into. I do think a brand new reader would find this story intriguing enough to continue with the series.

I LOVE Constable Newberry. What a great character! What an adorable love story. This is an epic win!

Grade: A

3.) Vixen by Jill Myles

I have read a couple of other stories by Myles, and I really liked them. I was NOT expecting anything like this from her. In fact, her book Island Heat would be perfect for a Wild and Steamy collection. It was certainly wild and steamy in a great way. Loved that one.

Unfortunately, this was not fabulous. It was basically a vehicle for a lot of sex. Menage sex. The fact that the characters were shifters did not add anything to the story. Except as a way to explain why they were so horny, and as a lukewarm storyline. The Blushing Bounder was a hard act to follow, and this was not the right way to do it.

Grade: C+

4.) Kitten-tiger and the Monk by Carolyn Crane

I am a huge Carolyn Crane fan. I adored Mind Games....thought it was one of the most unique, well-written, intriguing books I've read in the last 5 years. This story is part of her Disillusionist UF world.

What I didn't like: Way too much backstory. It felt like 90% of this novella was backstory...Sophia thinking about her family and her time with Monk, and Monk thinking about his childhood and his relationship with Sophia. If you are writing a full-length book, it's okay to have a certain amount of backstory to get the readers up to speed. But not too much. It's an info dump, it slows down the pacing, and it doesn't grab the reader's attention. In a novella, it's a huge no-no. There is not enough time to bog down the novella with that much backstory.

What I loved: Crane's UF vision is absolutely superb. It is twisted and terrifying and fascinating in a sick way. Once she got out of the backstory and into the present tense, the story picked up, although I wish Sophia and Monk had been able to spend more time in the Tangle. What an amazing setting! The resolution of their relationship was very satisfying, and surprisingly sweet for this dark UF world. I really liked it. There is just a bit of sex in this one....I would not call it Wild and Steamy.

Grade: B

My overall impression of this anthology? Worth the read. A great introduction to Brook's world, a nice introduction to Crane's UF series, and not the best taste of Myles' writing....I would recommend Island Heat over this one. This anthology was not really Wild and Steamy, but it's still worth an exploration.

Penelope

Monday Morning Update

Here are the fastest updates on the face of the earth! Ready...set....go.....


Here's what I've read recently and is coming up in the TBR pile....

Beauty Touched The Beast by Skye Warren

This was a freebie download at ARE. It was a short, hot read with some of my favorite themes--older man/younger woman, and beauty/beast. It has a lot of potential to be expanded into a longer story....I hope the author will consider it. My first read by Skye Warren, and it won't be my last!

Grade: A-


Wild and Steamy anthology

So far, I've read the first story by Meljean Brook....The Bounder. Absolutely loved it! It kicked total steampunk ass, and now I can't wait to read Heart Of Steel. I also read the second story in this anthology, Vixen by Jill Myles. This was nothing like the other stories I've read by her....pretty much an erotica about a were-fox. It's a menage...not my favorite. A lot of sex, not a lot of substance or anything else. It was a fun read, but seemed out of place next to The Bounder. Looking forward to finishing this book with Carolyn Crane's Kitten Tiger and the Monk.

Grade: A for Brook story, B- for Myles story


Doxology by Tim Black

This is a satirical book about a magical weenie dog. Nuff said. Hoping to get to it this week.


And.....drum roll please......the Holy Grail of ARCs.....

Restless in the Grave by Dana Stabenow

The latest book in the Liam Campbell series, which I got addicted to last year. It's coming out on Valentine's Day, but I was thrilled to get an ARC of this one. Can't. Wait. To. Read. It. Hallelujah!!!!!!

I also managed to cram in 2 comfort re-reads this weekend....Julie Garwood's The Bride, and Stephanie Laurens' All About Love. I'm feeling very romantic! :^)

Happy Monday,
Penelope