Penny Watson's Blog, page 58

Eat Your Heart Out, Martha Stewart!

Frustrated by the apparent lack of holiday doo-dads in our house, my daughter Natty took it upon herself to decorate the living room. She made paper snowflakes, paper chains, curling ribbons, and printed up Santas from the web. I'm not sure what a rubber band ball has to do with Christmas, but it's an interesting look. She's so helpful!

In other news.....

❅ GOOD NEWS: Both Sweet Magik and Sweet Inspiration are on the top 10 romance bestseller list at Fictionwise. It's a Klaus Brother invasion!

❅ BAD NEWS: My good friend Julia Barrett has had some catastrophic problems with her website. Evidently, everything on her site has disappeared. She has no idea what happened. It's heart-breaking. She had four years worth of blog posts there, including some of my favorite serial posts about her canoe trip. If you are so inclined, please drop Julia a message on twitter to wish her well.

❅ GOOD NEWS: I got a great fan letter yesterday, from a woman who is a Barnes and Noble employee. She loved my books and is recommending them to her customers. Thanks, Michelle!

❅ BAD NEWS: 20 days until Christmas and I haven't started my shopping yet! Ahhhhh!

❅ BOOK NEWS: Carolyn Crane's new book Head Rush it out today! Carolyn is one of the most talented up-and-coming authors I know. I am sure this book is going to kick ass.

Also, my Secret Santa at the Refugees Goodreads group got me Heart Of Steel by Meljean Brook....woo hoo! I cannot wait to read this. Thank you, Secret Santa, whoever you are!

Finally, I am about to read yet another holiday romance.... Mistletoe and Margaritas by Shannon Stacey. Once I finish, I am going to post a holiday reading list with my top recommendations.

Happy Tuesday To Everyone!
Penny

Monday Morning Updates: Girlz With Guns, Velveeta-Free Reviews, & Mamma Mia

1. I survived the weekend. My 9 year old daughter's laser tag party was a big hit. 15 screaming kids ran around shooting each other, consuming enormous quantities of sugar products, and producing ear-piercing screams that could shatter fine crystal. All in all, a fine party.

2. I am tickled that the sales for Sweet Inspiration are popping up this Christmas. I got a great review from Dead Trees and Silver Screens . I think it's hilarious that Amanda calls it "Velveeta-free." I personally love cheesy stories, so I wouldn't mind some Velveeta with my book, but that's just me.

3. Historical romance author Mia Marlowe is hosting me today at her blog. We are discussing my penchant for beardy men, Oskar Klaus, and tube tops. Stop by and leave a comment--Mia is giving away a copy of Sweet Magik, as well as one of her own stories, A Duke For All Seasons or My Lady Below Stairs. I love the name Mia...it reminds me of Mamma Mia, which reminds me of ABBA, which reminds me....



How Can I Resist You? A Swedish Dude With A Velveeta-Heavy Beard?
Penelope

I Ran So Far Away....I Ran All Night And Day

Time for Saturday's Blast From The 1980s Musical Past! It's Flock Of Seagulls singing....I Ran (1982).
Enjoy!
Today is all about my daughter's 9th birthday party....a laser tag party with 15 screaming nine year old kids. Ergo the lyrics....."I ran all night and day....I couldn't get away."
All my best,Penelope

Penny Wins The Lottery...Ding, Ding, Ding!

Stranger: Well, hello there!

Penny: Hello. Nice to meet you.

S: I just wanted to let you know that my book club has chosen your recent release, Sweet Magik, as our December reading selection.

P: Oh my goodness! Thanks so much. I am thrilled!

S: *snicker* We'll see about that.

P: What does that mean?

S: We're not just any old book club. We are a small, very select, very superior group of readers.

P: Uh....well....that's great. Good for you!

S: Very superior. As in....we know what kinds of literature are valuable, worth-while contributions to society, and which are trashy-ass pieces of shit, also known as..."bodice rippers."

P: *stunned* Um...I'm not sure I'm following your train of thought.

S: Don't strain your brain. Obviously, anyone who reads, writes and reviews copious romance novels is lacking in basic intellect. What I'm trying to tell you is....we hate bodice rippers and we like to crush them in our ratings and reviews. It's super fun.

P: Well, I didn't actually write a "bodice ripper".....bodice ripper is a term that refers to romantic fiction published in the 1980s, that featured forced seduction scenes....

S: Silence! I'm not interested in your pointless drivel, minion.

P: What's your name, Mister?

S: Snobby Asse. What's it to you?

P: Well, Mr. Snobby Asse, I can see how you find all this good, clean fun. Reading a genre you know nothing about, ripping the books to shreds, then snickering with your friends. What exactly constitutes "real" literature?

SA: I know you will find this difficult to believe....but there are actually many other types of reading materials available in the world. Ever read a textbook? *snicker*

P: Actually, I wrote a textbook.

SA: Huh? Well...um...I find that hard to believe. Let me guess...community college? Right? *brushes dust off of Harvard diploma*

P: Uh, wrong. Ivy League. Graduate degree.

SA: Bull shit! You can call me Doctor Snobby Asse from now on, Miss Penelope Romance Pants! Ever get published in a scientific journal? Do ground-breaking research?

P: Yep.

SA: *looks slightly frazzled* What the hell are you doing slumming with the bodice ripper crowd, you wack?

P: I love romance. I love reading romance. I love writing romance. I love talking about romance. And I love reviewing romance. As a genuine romance reviewer--someone who is well-read in all fields, and extremely well-versed in this genre, and reviews it within the context of which it was written. It's not a Shakespearean play, for Christ's sakes, and is not meant to be viewed as such. Romances are simply fiction that focus on a relationship as the basic story arc, its conflict and resolution, and finish with a happy ending. You do know that, Mr. Snobby Asse. Right?

SA: Of course! I know everything!

P: Do you also know the subtleties of all the sub-genres you are reading? Dark paranoramal? Light paranormal? Romantic suspense? Steampunk fantasty? Each sub-genre should be critiqued according to its own set of parameters...world-building, the inclusion of horror, humor, etc. I'm sure you're totally up on all that stuff and how it applies to each unique sub-genre of romance. Excuse me, I mean bodice rippers.

SA: *sputters* You talk a big game, Penelope, but that stuff is still crap. No matter what fancy words you use to dress it up.

P: Hmm. I can think of a few things that are crap.

SA: Well, I think I've wasted enough time here. I need to spend some time reading books I hate so I can ding them in a public setting for the hilarity of myself and my superior friends. You know, real authors spend years of their lives doing research. You can't just write a book willy-nilly. For example, did you really go to Bavaria to research the Klaus family? I think not. *shakes head in a patronizing manner* I am soooooooo not impressed.

P: Um, Mr. Snobby Asse. I have something to tell you. But I don't think you're going to like it.

SA: Uh huh. What might that be, Inferior Girl?

P: Santa Claus, well...um...you know....

SA: Spit it out, Smut Lover!

P: Santa isn't real.

SA: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P: I'm so sorry. My book is make-believe. Not real. I didn't do any research about the Klaus family because....well.....they only exist in my puny mind. Sweet Magik wasn't meant to be anything heavy or serious. Just a fun little romance ditty, with some tongue-in-cheek humor, celebrating the holiday season. Celebrating love, and family, and romance, and happy endings. I hope you have some fun, light-hearted plans for the holiday season. *ponders Mr. Snobby Asse* Um, has anyone ever told you that you look a little bit like Scrooge?

SA: Bah humbug! *storms off*

P: Oh, I feel sort of badly about that.

Old Man With Big White Beard: Well, hello Penelope. How are you?

P: Hi! Do I know you?

Old Man: I think so. Yes, Penelope, I think so. *scratches beard which Penelope eyes with great interest* So, Miss Lover of Bodice Rippers, what would you like for Christmas?

P: Hugh Jackman!

Old Man: I'll see what I can do.


Happy Christmas To All, And To All A Good-Night!

Penelope

Let's Get Ready To Rumble! Registration Is Now Open!

Registration is now open for the 2012 NECRWA Let Your Imagination Take Flight Spring Conference. Woo hoo! This wonderful conference is being held on April 27-28 at the historic Hawthorne Hotel in Salem, Massachusetts. Please follow this link to register.



Here are some cool things about this conference.....

It's in the charming and festive town of Salem, Massachusetts.Speakers will include Michael Hauge, Marie Force and Kristan Higgins.There will be a wide array of industry and craft-related workshops, including an amazing one by the world-famous Penelope some by famous romance professionals including the incomparable Penelope .I'm giving a workshop. Agent and editor appointments will include a critique of the first 10 pages of your manuscript.We are thrilled to have agents Marisa A Corvisiero (L. Perkins Agency), Susannah Taylor (Richard Henshaw Group), Emmanuelle Morgen (Judith Ehrlich Literary) and Carlie Webber (Jane Rotrosen Agency) in attendance.Outstanding editors include Megan Records (Kensington Brava), Susan Litman (Harlequin Silhouette) and Steph Murray (Crescent Moon Press).Michael Hauge is giving a special workshop on Friday afternoon.There will be a ghost hunt, psychic fair and cocktail party, literacy book signing, and numerous gatherings of the Martini Club, founded by world famous Penelope.For more information about fees and registration dates, please head over to the NECRWA website.

So, who's in? Don't miss it!
Penelope

Wacky Wednesday

Sometimes I think my life might be an episode of the Twilight Zone. Here are some insane things I've seen in the last couple of weeks....

1.) Heading on an author's website...."If You Like "So-N-So" Author, Then You'll Love Me!" That's right. Her whole branding concept was copying someone else. Are you kidding me?

2.) Author photo at Goodreads.....totally, completely, unequivocally buck naked. Uh huh. Someone used a nude photo as her "head shot." Sigh. Even if you write erotica, you don't need to be a porn star. That's taking branding just a bit too far. Just saying.

3.) An author who has a paypal button on her website for "donations to a struggling writer." Just in case you want to donate money to a stranger for no good reason except she is a writer who, evidently, doesn't think she's making enough money. Now excuse me while I go stand outside on the street corner with my tin cup.

4.) Note to authors: Promo is YOUR responsibility, not mine. Quit asking me to "like" you on Facebook, rate you on Amazon, etc. If someone leaves a review or rating or whatever, that's great. But asking your readers to do stuff for you in order to promote your books is totally uncool. Not their responsibility. YOUR responsibility.

5.) This is so gross, I can barely type it. Uh...uh....I saw an author bio at Amazon where the woman discusses....uh....uh....masturbating....while she writes. *falls over in a faint*

6.) *revives self with enormous cup of coffee* I'm back! My new favorite observation at twitter: Folks promoting their Christmas books with the #BDSM hashtag. Coz nothing says "sacred religious holiday" like some spanky time. (I'm waiting for the #Ho tag).

7.) Sweet Magik is currently #1 on the fairy tale romance bestseller list at Bookstrand. The overall bestseller list is all erotica. And not just erotica. Erotica with MMMFMMMMMM and MMFFFFFMMMMFFFFMMMM and....oh nevermind...you get the idea. I guess the new attitude in erotica is....The More, The Merrier! The titles have words like "hogtying," "overexposed," "master," "bikers," and "raw." I think the only way my little Christmas book has any chance of getting on their bestseller list is if I change the title to "Hogtying An Elf." Which isn't going to happen any time soon.

8.) And to cleanse your palate of all these unsavory bits, here is an adorable photo of a weenie dog pup...


Feel better? I sure do!
Penelope

Have A Very Spanky Christmas

I'm not exactly sure what spanking has to do with Christmas, but for some reason it seems to be a recurring theme with the holiday erotica stories. Nothing says Christmas like BDSM! (Well, actually, I can think of a lot of things that are more appropriate for the holidays, but nevertheless, I am still reading these wacky books).
Here is a quickie holiday reading update.....
1.) All I Want For Christmas Is You by Lisa Mondello
This is a very sweet and romantic holiday story. Kyle is a wonderful hero who longs for a family of his own. Lauren and her daughter Kristen have fallen on hard times, and need a miracle. I adore stories that focus on family as a holiday theme, and this book fits the bill. This is a traditional holiday tale. 
Grade: A-/B+
2.) Snowed In With Santa by Sue Lyndon
This started out with a good premise and a lot of potential, but unfortunately, the ending was rushed and got fairly ridiculous. Santa is a secret dom looking for a tushy to spank. Alana drives through a snow storm to a stranger's house, gets snowed in, and discovers the joys of submission. Merrrrrrry Christmas! Hee heee....just kidding.

Grade: C+

3.) Christmas Elf by Tielle St Clare

I LOVED this one! The first half of the book has no sex....just a build up of sexual attraction between an innocent elf kicked out of the North Pole and a jaded businessman who has lost his Christmas spirit. The second half of the book was extremely erotic...but the story also manages to be sweet and satisfying. And very holiday-themed....about family, love, and capturing the spirit of Christmas. Also filled with humor and hilarious dialogue. LOVED it!

Grade: A

4.) My Everything by Julia Barrett

This was my only non-holiday reading for the week. Once again I am blown away by Julia's talent. I am not usually a big lover of romantic suspense, but this book was so good I inhaled it. The initial premise for the story is high on coincidence, but I didn't care. It is very sexy, very intense, and the pacing of the storyline was perfect. Barrett does a great job weaving the erotic portion of the story with the suspenseful plotline. There may have been a smidge too much sex for me (quit laughing), but otherwise this story was close to perfect. Very compelling and entertaining read.

Grade: A

Hope everyone has recovered from their Thanksgiving feasts! Today is all about walking and lettuce for moi!
Penelope

Baby It's Cold Outside

I watched "Elf" last night (for the 10 millionth time). Which reminded me how much I love this song. Zoey Deschanel does a cute job, but the classic Ella Fitzgerald will always be my favorite. Enjoy!


Happy Monday!
Penelope

Happy Beard Of The Thanksgiving Holiday Weekend!

What's more delicious than turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce and home-made pumpkin pie?

Sean Bean's scruffy beard! Nom nom nom......

Happy Beard Of The Day!
Penelope

Black Friday Sale At Wild Rose Press!

The Wild Rose Press is having a special Black Friday sale today.....30% off all ebooks, including both of mine.... Sweet Inspiration and Sweet Magik . Use Code e8f302ffef for the sale.
They are also giving away a free Gourmet Cookbook for the holiday season.
Stop by and check out the deals!
Hope everyone survived Turkey Day. My Gingerbread Man cocktail was a big success. And so was our dinner...it was delish.
And for all of you crazies who are going to the mall today....*shudder*....Go Get 'Em! I wouldn't be caught dead in that place on Black Friday.
Ciao!Penny