Paul Angone's Blog, page 15

5 Musts to Look for in a Spouse

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

After the Slow-Internet Marriage Test is complete (throw a baby in the room and a dog with a bladder control problem to get the full picture), what else should you be looking for in a spouse?

There is no greater decision in your life than who you marry.

And for me personally, my marriage is the absolute best, most integral, most encouraging aspect of my life. And I’m not just writing this because my wife edits every article I write! (Naomi, you look amazing in those sweatpants by the way and I love what the two-year-old has done with your hair).

My marriage is the clock that makes everything else tick.  Granted I married someone much better than me (tip #1).

Who you marry can propel the rest of your life or make it explode. What traits do you need to be looking for in the other person (and yourself!) to help make marriage not only last, but thrive.

Photo Credit by Nathan Congleton. CC

1.  Honesty

If you can’t trust, you can’t love. (click to tweet that)

You can’t dive into a relationship if you’re waiting for the truth to tackle you from behind.

Don’t look for a spouse that doesn’t make any mistakes. Look for someone that yes makes mistakes, and then owns up to them. If you’re dating someone that feels dangerously too good to be true, then they probably are.

Don’t marry someone who is in hiding. Because when they finally make the grand reveal, you might not like what you see.

And you might need help from family and friends who you trust the most to help you see what you can’t. As I wrote in 101 Secrets For Your Twenties, “Love is blind. Enlist some seeing eye dogs.” 

In marriage, four hands are on the wheel. If you can’t trust the person next to you to keep the car on the road when you close your eyes, how can you ride next to them?

Trust is the bone marrow to a relationship. Without it, everything else is hallow. (click to tweet that)

2.  Sense of Faithful Exploration

Going into marriage, both your futures are this dimly lit mountain pass. You can’t sit still at the bottom of the mountain and expect your dreams, purpose, and place in this world to just arrive. You need to explore, together.

So much of your twenties and thirties is keeping your bags packed, ready to venture into the next great unknown. I really think you and your spouse have to be willing to embrace ambiguity together. Willing to be at peace while life feels in disarray.

Life will never be completely known, so will you have someone there next to you when you step into all that is unknown. Or will you be by yourself? Is your partner in this for the comfort and security, or will they be willing to take some risks?

3.  Common Core Values

As I wrote in 9 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating: “Too many marriages start (and end) with vague and un-identified core values.”

I’d describe core values as beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans, and purpose on this earth.

You may not know what they are, but you have certain values that guide the way you think, act, and react.

Opposites attract, but not when it comes to your core values.

If one person values security and the other adventure, those values might crash together head first.

If one values family and the other career at all cost, those values might pull you far apart.

If one values faith, and the other does not, how deep can your well go down into the ground together?

If your core values can’t dance together, then you’ll keep tripping, falling and wondering why you can’t move together in rhythm.

4.  Self-Awareness

Too many of us go into relationships expecting the other person to be our clarity. (click to tweet that)

As I wrote in the secret to finding and marrying the right person, “stop looking for the right person, and start working on becoming the right person.”

Self-awareness is an underrated skill. Not knowing how you’re coming off to other people or what you’re about can be a serious problem in a relationship.

If you don’t know who you are, how can you expect the person you love to have a clue?

If the person you’re with doesn’t really know who they are, how can you know who you’re really marrying?

Don’t look for a spouse that has an obsession of self, but someone who has an understanding of self. Look for someone that is able to honestly look themselves in the mirror with a mix of humility and confidence.

I don’t think for many of us self-awareness comes naturally. I think self-awareness comes from asking yourself hard questions.

Those who are self-aware are able to move forward with more intentionality and purpose.

5.  Adaptability, Resiliency, and Commitment

Being in a successful marriage is about adapting to changes as they come, having the resiliency to move forward under difficult circumstances, and a commitment to see it through, hand in hand.

Stats are saying one out of every two marriages fail. Flip a coin.

Well nuts to that. We need more people in marriages who are willing to roll up their sleeves and fight for each other. For our families. For our futures. Lets be wise and resilient.

How does the person you’re dating respond to hardships? Do they give up right away or do they grit their teeth and keep fighting for their future.

There will be lots of pressure that comes against your marriage. Will you let it break you apart or will it forge you together.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section on this article: what trait in another person do you think is the most important for marriage?

4 Incredible Benefits to Failing Miserably

“The person who fails the most, wins.” – Seth Godin

Who doesn’t love failing miserably?

OK, notsomuch.

Failing feels like stocking a refrigerator that’s not plugged in. You think you’re preparing for a feast, and then you wake up to find a reeking fiasco.

For me personally, there were many years in my twenties that smelled like that Gouda gone bad.

Seriously nothing worked out like it was “supposed to.” Not one little thing.

Jobs I was excited to apply for never called me back. People I was excited to meet and connect with, didn’t return emails. And then my passion to become an author was met with a resounding and overwhelming no.

I felt Tin-Canned. Getting crushed and recycled after I poured out everything I had within me.

Yet, I look back now at all the failure that I thought was wrecking my story and see now how failure was actually leading me exactly where I needed to go.

Failure doesn’t ruin your story. Failure helps you write it. (Want to tweet that?)

I am incredibly thankful now for the many years in my twenties that didn’t go according to plan. Here’s why you should reconsider the power of failure too.

4 Incredible Benefits to Failing Miserably

 

Failure Leads to Innovation

Amazing inventions that we depend on today were birthed from utter failure.

Spencer Silver was searching for an industrial strength glue that would put others to shame, but found that his glue barely even held! And strangely didn’t leave a residue. So Spencer changed his vision and his goals, and said hello to Post-It Notes.

Doctor John Harvey left his wheat boiling too long on the stove and instead of throwing it away, toasted the mush and wala – Corn Flakes!

Scientist Alexander Fleming was trying to invent the new wonder drug, and only after he threw his failed experiments away and mold began to grow, did he realize that the mold was killing the bacteria in the petri dish. Mold in the trash became Penicilin.

Mold growing on top of an epic failure became his greatest achievement.

You never know what amazing innovation and opportunity might be birthed only by an epic failure. But you have to keep staring at it and looking for new opportunities that you were not initially looking for.

Failure Grows Resiliency

When you fail you have two options – quit or find another way.

I wanted to become a best-selling author with my first draft. I wanted to go with a traditional publisher by taking the traditional path. Yet the traditional way of doing things was leading me nowhere.

Failure forced me to learn more. Grow more. Be more. I wanted the easy path, but by being forced to take the long way I became stronger. I learned skills as a writer, blogger, web programmer, web designer, photographer, social media specialist, marketing specialist, speaker, networker, etc… And the best, I learned how to be a better writer!

Failure is like the coach telling you “that’s not good enough.” And we all have a choice in that moment to quit or hear those words and try to do it better

Many walls will halt you on your path to success. But it’s only a dead-end if you turn around.

Failure Encourages Exploration

Do you feel lost right now? Perfect! You’ve just accomplished the first step to exploring.

When your home goes up in flames, you are forced to explore the strange lands around you. How many great explorers only became that way because of utter failure or persecution in their home lands. The United States was settled by a bunch of “failures” who didn’t fit in.

Photo and design by Paul Angone. Want this image? Snag it here.  

Failure Refines and Defines Vision

For years, I dreamed of being a sports broadcaster. I loved sports and I loved talking. And didn’t mind the idea of being paid well and being on camera.

After years of dreaming I took a giant step towards my dream by landing an internship at CBS Sports! It was my dream come true.

And after a month, I absolutely hated it.

We talked about sports all day and I figured out I didn’t want to talk about sports all day. Sports were a hobby I liked doing, not a passion that I wanted as my profession. Big difference.

I loved the sexiness of being on TV, but didn’t want to do what it takes to actually be on TV.

The internship was a failure, but it was a giant success in that it clarified my vision, making me hone in further on the things I find important.

Maybe you’re failing at something you thought was your dream so that you can find your passion.

Go Ahead, Fail

The biggest failure of our lives would be if we never had any.

Go ahead, fail. Fail big. Fail with gusto.

Just don’t stop moving forward.

The path to success is paved with failure. Start pouring cement. (click to tweet that)

 

Top 7 Posts on All Groan Up in 2014

The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” – Albert Einstein

How would you describe your 2014 in one word?

I’d describe mine as paradoxical. It was one of the most amazing, yet intense years of my life. Lots of change, growth, intensity, and fun! How about you? Let us know in the comments section on this article.

To celebrate 2014, here’s a list of the top seven most viewed posts on All Groan Up in 2014. Check out the ones you missed and revisit your favorites. Thank you again for all your support and for sharing these articles with your friends. I couldn’t do any of this without you. 

7. 11 Questions Every Twentysomething Needs to Ask 

Answering these questions would be a great way to start off your 2015 with intentionality and purpose.

6. Twentysomething Problems

A hilarious and all-too-true list of the top problems unique to twentysomethings. You know you’re a twentysomething if you’re not where you want to be, but you’re not quite sure where you want to go.

Watch the stop-motion video of the top twentysomething problems (as shown by eggs) that I was able to create with Moody Collective in 2014. 

5. Benefits of a Having a Quarter Life Crisis

Maybe a quarter life crisis is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Here’s why…

4. 9 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating

A must read for anyone wondering “is this The One?”

3. Top 21 Books for Twentysomethings

Another great resource if you’re looking for transformative books for your 2015. All 21 off these books played a huge role in my twenties.

2. 25 Signs You’re Having a Quarter-Life Crisis

If you can say “yes” to half of these, you might be going through a turbulent twentysomething transition.

And the most viewed article in 2014 was…. 

1. 21 Secrets For Your 20s

21 Secrets For Your 20s wins the award for the most viewed article on All Groan Up for the second straight year. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out or my book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties, now is your chance.

Let’s Rock 2015

Here’s to the most fulfilling, purpose-filled year of our lives! And as always, I’m here to help. If there’s anything you’d like to see more of on All Groan Up in 2015, let me know through the Contact form at All Groan Up, replying to this email, or leaving a comment in this article.

How to Survive Breaking Up With Yourself

Don’t you love breaking up?

Oh you don’t? Oh forgive me, you must be a normal person. 

Nobody really enjoys the process and aftermath of breaking up, right? I know I didn’t.

Because you can’t break up without a lot of breaking.

Yet, aren’t life transitions pretty similar?

And the hardest part about it, in life transitions you’re really just breaking up with yourself.

The Breaking Up of Transitions

In transitions, you’re breaking up with who you were during that time of your life. You’re not only leaving a place and a season in life behind, but you’re also leaving a version of you. 

And just like the time the relationship you were so sure about met it’s dramatic end, there’s a real sense of wandering when you leave behind who you were.

Sure there’s mementos of you from the past that you’ll carry with you. But the moment you leave who you were is the moment you begin the epic search to find out who you really are.

Twentysomething Transition

Going from college into the working world was the most difficult life transition for me.

So much of my identity was wrapped up around school, striving for good grades, playing sports, immediate feedback, and living in a community of friends.

When I left school, I felt like my identity stayed with it.

Being immersed in the intense ambiguity of transition, especially the transition into the undefinedness that is adulthood, is why I think so many twentysomethings feel like they’re going through a quarter-life crisis.

In your twenties there’s a real stark deconstruction of previously understood and held to personal and social beliefs, creating what researchers Atwood and Scholtz defined in their paper The Quarter-life Time Period as “a certain kind of anomie, a state of normlessness, a lack of a blueprint for behavior.”

How many of us have experienced seasons where you want to go back to who you were because who you are doesn’t feel like you?

In life transitions, feeling strangely abnormal becomes the new normal.

So right now where you sit if it feels like you’re going through an identity crisis its probably because you most definitely are.

The old you is a memory, while the new you is yet to be determined.

But there’s a real beauty, and benefits, to an identity crisis that comes only in transition. Let me explain.

There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” –Benjamin Franklin

The Benefits of an Identity Crisis
1. Lost-ness Leads to Exploration

When the familiar is stripped away, you’re forced to search for more. When you can’t fall-back on the old way of doing things, you have to find a new, better way.

If there were no transitions you’d forever remain where you are now. And being the fiftysomething in first year English is slightly embarrassing.

Life transitions are the usher to the party. You just might not be on the guest list for a while. (click to tweet that)

2. Ambiguity Leads to Humility

When all we thought we were goes up in flames, chasing the smoke of the remains is a humbling experience.

Transitions force you to look at yourself with a new, raw honesty. Seeing yourself as you are. Without the titles and accolades that became all too easy to hide behind.

When you can’t fall back on the stability of success, you have to find out what really sustains you.

When you have no idea where you’re going you’re ready to ask for some directions.

Transitions scrape off the built up arrogance and know-it-all-ness, which gives you the chance to learn fresh and anew.

Life transitions are a great cure for I’m-the-Shizness.

3. A New Relationship Brings New Chances

Breaking up with yourself is hard, yet necessary. As I wrote in 101 Secrets For Your Twenties,

For so many years in my twenties I kept wondering when I would ever feel like myself again.

Then I figured out the secret—I will never feel like myself again. Because I was holding on to a Me that I could no longer be. Like that photograph Michael J. Fox holds in Back to the Future, Old Me was fading fast and not even an epic guitar solo could bring it back.

When the aftermath of the transition is over and you start hitting your stride again,  you have the chance to do it better this time. You have a fuller idea who you are and what you want in life. You have the chance to be in a more secure relationship with yourself. You have the opportunity to take the breaking that occurred from the break up and form it back together stronger and more stable.

Or you can choose to stay broken. You can choose to be intentional and seek positive change. Or you can become bitter and sit in the very real pain from the past that didn’t go as planned.

Breaking up with yourself does not mean you’re broken. You can break off pieces of yourself while still remaining whole.

Like a tree that’s been transplanted, in transitions it takes time to find good ground again and give your roots time to grow.

Breaking up is never easy. Especially when it’s with yourself.

But wouldn’t you rather be broken up, than stuck in a dead-end relationship?

Should You Even Care?

Do you feel stuck?

I know for many years in my twenties I did.

Unsure. Unable to move forward into anything. Something was holding me back, yet I couldn’t see it. I knew it was there, but I couldn’t define what it was.

My career was dry. My relationships a mess.

I look back now and I can see the main thing holding me back.  The life-sucking, momentum-crushing word that stopped me in my tracks.

This word was the spider web and I was the fly.

That word.

Indifference. 

And my guess is more of us are stuck in this word than we think.

The Safety and Danger of Indifference

Indifference is simply not caring. Not really having an opinion or taking a side.

And no place is it easier to be indifferent than in a crappy job or a stale relationship.

When you look around your job and see a bunch of people who gave up caring back when Bill Clinton was President, it’s hard to want to try.

When your work feels nothing but menial, it’s hard to try and make it significant.

When you’ve been hurt too many times in relationships, why care?

And yet, indifference will cost you. Not the pain of heartbreak. But the pain of never truly caring about anything enough to give your heart that possibility.

Photo Credit: PhotoA.nl via Compfight cc. Quote added by Paul Angone

I love my generation, the Millennials, because I truly believe we ache to make a significant impact.

Yet, I think once we’ve been hurt or jaded by all the crap this world has to offer, indifference all too quickly becomes our safety zone. The place where sarcasm and cynicism reign.

But what’s really the cause of our indifference?

The Cause of Indifference

Now don’t get me wrong, we’re all indifferent about certain things. And in some ways, we have to be. For example, ComicCon came to San Diego – the huge Comic Convention, and I didn’t think a second about it. If others were into it, great. I simply was not. Not enough time in the day to jam that in.

We can’t try to care about everything. If we do, we’ll honestly end up caring very little about a lot.

No, the indifference I’m talking about is when it becomes a lifestyle.

For many of us I don’t think indifference is birthed out of evil intent.

Indifference is a defense mechanism.

Indifference is a shield around our fears and insecurities.

Maybe you act indifferent about relationships because you gave your heart to a girl or boy before once and they sold it on the black market.

Never again, you decided. 

Maybe you act indifferent about your lackluster career because you were turned down from so many jobs before that you’ve given up hope.

Never again, you whispered.

Maybe you’re indifferent about your dream because you laid it in the hands of someone you trusted once and they crushed it.

  Never again…

You act indifferent about your voice because you sang your heart out once and a critic told you “Not good enough.”

You’ve buried you.

Never again.

But forever is a long time to never care.

You grow callouses to protect you from the prick of the rose, yet then you loose the ability to feel the soft touch of its petals between your fingers.

If we let indifference reign, the only thing we’ll be indifferent to in our relationships and our career is love and impact.

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” ― Elie Wiesel

Living a Life of Difference

It’s really hard to truly bring something to life if it first didn’t make you feel sick.

You can’t love someone if you’re not willing to be hurt.

To care about something forces you outside. Shirt ripped. In the mud and on the ledges.

You can’t thrive in your work if you don’t care about the work you’re doing.

Living a life of difference is not watching the news, but making some of your own.

To live a life of difference is to live vulnerably. It’s showing your cards. It’s passionately caring with all your being. It’s jumping on stage and going all out as if no audience was there.


Living a life of difference is passionately moving forward as if all the Internet trolls and one-liners on Twitter didn’t exist.


Living a life of difference is being brave enough to be called a fool. It’s being willing to be embarrassed.


Living a life of difference is to let your voice be heard. Loudly. And unaplogetically. It’s being willing to stand before the bullets of those who will disagree.


To live a life of difference is to care more about the victims than those who will now become your aggressors. (want to tweet that?)

If you’re not willing to feel the pain of loss, you won’t feel the joy of being full.

Giving yourself to something outside yourself is the best way to bring yourself to life. (click to tweet that)

Making a difference will cost you. It has to.

But the biggest defeat of all would be never allowing yourself to care about something enough that defeat actually becomes a real possibility.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments on this article: 

Are there ways you’ve been living indifferently? 

3 Things Love IS NOT

No other word in human language has been misconstrued, mistrusted, celebrated, worshipped, and cursed more than love.

We all want love, right? But do we have any clue what love really is?

Love is like a mist. All-around us, yet seemingly impossible to grasp.

Yet, one thing many of us know about love – it has let us down. Love has brought us to tears. Love has Indiana Jones’d our heart, ripping it out without even putting us under.

Love cures us and makes us sick, sometimes in the same look.

What is love? How do we get it? And how do we keep it?

To answer these questions, we need to first figure out what love IS NOT. We need to remove some lies we believe about love to get down to the core of what love really is.

1. Love is Not Effortless

Whether you’re dating or married, love is not effortless.

My wife and I are eight years and two kids into our relationship, and I would say that this past year has been the most intense yet.

Not a bad year. But a really good, bonding, intense one.

I think mainly this year has taught my wife and I that sometimes being in love means fighting for each other.

Not a polite, politically correct little skirmish either. No, an all-out, gloves off, doing whatever it takes, brawl against all the forces, distractions, bad habits, and complexities that try to squelch your love.

Love is war. Not against one another, but for each other. (click to tweet)

In a relationship, you have to fight against everything that is trying to keep you fighting.

And that might be waging war on your own faults and insecurities that you’ve tried to pretend don’t exist.

The movies make it look like love should be effortless and easy going, when marriage requires more effort and intentionality than you ever knew you had.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is get on your knees in the muck and mud and start pulling the weeds that are trying keep your love from reaching its full potential.

You have to work the hardest for what you love the most.

2. Love is not Sex

Somehow love and sex have been intertwined like a pretzel. Yet, just like a Kama Sutra move, making love equal sex will only leave you flat on your face with your pants at your ankles.

Call me your Great Uncle Ed, but we’re giving away sex these days like free pop-tarts–buying, heating, and consuming in less than a minute and a half.

Sex is not love. No, for many of us, sex has become the easiest escape from love. Easing all our insecurities, fears, and pains, into a moment of escape that does nothing to alleviate our pain. No, most likely it only heightens the pain once the deed is done.

Sex is an amazing expression of committed love, not the pathway to it.

3. Love is not Self-Sustainable.

If love is not completely altering your life, it’s probably not love.

Love can not exist purely within your own convenience. Love is sacrifice.

Some of us want love to just happen on our own terms. In our timing. Under our conditions and if it doesn’t interfere with our plans.

Love is not self-sustainable. It can’t run well unless you’re putting in the right fuel and taking care of it.

This year especially, my wife and I have had to learn a whole new translation of what it means to sustain love.

When a one year old is crying in the middle of the night, and you get up even though it’s your partners turn — that’s love.

When you’re willing to sit down and look each other in the eyes, and have an honest, (mostly) calm conversation about ways you could be supporting each other better — that’s love

Love is a dance where both partners lead and follow throughout the song. Both partners supporting each others weight, moving with each other’s rhythm. With each other’s step.

When one person pushes or pulls too hard, the whole dance topples.

Love does not complete you. No, it should challenge and inspire you to work on your incompleteness. (click to tweet that)

I’m Sorry…

For the first time in three years it’s been eerily quiet around here at All Groan Up.

And I apologize.

But I’m back! I’m better than ever with some exciting announcements! And I want to make it up to you.

But first, why the prolonged silence? What happened?

Well it hasn’t been one thing, but a few different ones coming together all at once, kind of stomping me in my tracks. As you yourself pursue your dreams and push yourself, maybe you can relate.

1. Needing to Relight the Candle

After three years of growing All Groan Up, mixed with working a full-time job, having two kids, launching a book, traveling to speak, and now going full-time with my own business, I not only burnt the candle at both ends, I sold the candle at a yard sale and was trying to track it down.

I’ve been intentionally trying to help others while forgetting to help myself. Sometimes we can become so focused on pursuing something we love that we lose sight of how to best love those around us and ourselves.

Well I’ve found my candle again and the wick is ready to dance.

2. Needing to Re-Vision

I want to add more value to your life. Be a better resource. Provide more encouragement, inspiration, and humor. Offer a place for more community. Be able to strategically help you live your life with purpose and intentionality in a way that goes deeper than blog posts.

So I’ve been dreaming, researching, seeking advice from those smarter than me, and moving towards the next big things here at All Groan Up.

And I can safely say, the re-vision is here.

I’m really excited about the new things coming and I think you will be too. For example…

3. Working on some BIG PROJECTS!!

Behind the scenes I’ve been busy and a few of the projects are already done.

First, check out the newly designed AllGroanUp.com, rejuvenated with a clean, crisp, modern look. It’s the first time I’ve completely designed a website from top to bottom all by myself and I’d love to hear how you think it looks.

I’d been running on the same framework for three years and now it will be easier to leave comments, navigate, and enjoy.

If you’re reading this through email, come on over and check out All Groan Up 2.0.

Second, after three years and many requests from you, I finally have my first ever All Groan Up Store!

You can find a whole new line of inspirational photo prints and typography prints designed by me, giving you encouragement to thrive, create more, and live life like you mean it. Here are links to a few of my favorites. Life is Art, Dream – Lamp and Sky, Like We’re “Supposed To,” and “Do it Big or Do it Small.”

Snag these prints on standard photo paper, or the best part, printed directly on wood or metal! They look really cool with a half-inch wood or metal border around the photo and come ready to hang up on your wall. Here’s an example of a metal and wood print below.

Close-Up Photo Print on Wood

Close-Up Photo Print on Metal

These inspirational photo prints would make a great Christmas gift. Snag one of these prints at the special introductory prices. (introductory prices through Nov. 25).  

Plus if you order before Nov. 25, enter the coupon AllGroanUp to receive an additional 10% off.

Also I’ll randomly select a few people who purchase wood or metal photos and send them a free copy of my book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.

More Free Gifts and Excitedness Coming…

Stay tuned here at All Groan Up for some more REALLY EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENTS in the next few months. I’ve been working on some big projects that I’ll be able to talk about and offer you really soon! (hint: it’s big!) (double hint: one of them might be my second book releasing this spring…)

Then as well, I’m working on a fresh new resource to help you conquer your twenties that I will be giving away FOR FREE only to All Groan Up subscribers. (The rest of the world will have to pay. Suckers.) Also be ready for more giveaways and gifts this year, so you won’t want to go anywhere.

This is going to be the biggest, best year ever at All Groan Up and I hope in turn, for you as well.

I can’t thank you enough for the amazing encouragement you’ve always given me . It’s emails from you and social media shout-outs that inspire me to create and do more. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for the community here at All Groan Up and I’ll never, ever forget that. Thank you. We’re in this together.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments section on All Groan Up. Come on by and say hello.

The Creative Manifesto (why we need to create)

“On such a flat earth, the most important attribute you can have is creative imagination.” – Thomas Friedman

Will you have the courage to create?

It’s a choice that asks you to fully be you. In business, art, writing, relationships, parenting, working a crappy job, cooking, wherever life finds you, your success will hinge on how creative you will allow yourself to be.

I choose to create. Here is what I stand for. Will you join me? 

To create is to simply step into how I was created to be. If I’m going to truly be someone, I better damn well be comfortable being myself.


Creating is a courageous fight against “the way it’s always been.” To bring forth something inside you that’s been waiting for its chance to speak.


To truly do good art is to pay attention. We’re living in a masterpiece. To create is to simply take notes.


To create something new is to hold someone’s face and show them what they’ve walked past countless times before.


I want to feel more. To step out in the rain, look up, hands and mouth opened wide.


I don’t want to just listen to music. I want to hear it. To feel it. To let it seep into my bones like a sponge. I don’t want to listen to a thousand songs. I want to truly sing just one.


It’s easy to follow instructions. It’s hard to create your own. ( click to tweet that )

“Art involves labor. Not the labor of lifting a brush or typing a sentence, but the emotional labor of doing something difficult, taking a risk and extending yourself.” – Seth Godin, Linchpin

To create is to take the best of who we are and let it find a home within a medium.


Creating is to infuse our purpose, personality, and potential into the work set before us. To live as an un-creative is to mindlessly consume life like it’s a tray of packaged cafeteria food.


The world will be inherited by those who can see it differently than everyone else.


I will not create for the critics.


I will not create food for the ravage dogs to greedily consume. I will offer nectar to anyone willing to stay and take a sip.


Critics love tearing down what you’ve built. Yet they’ve never built anything themselves.


Taking creative advice from a critic is like asking your hammer how to paint. ( click to tweet )


I will not let The Liar take me out. When I sit down to do my work, he will begin to speak. I will spot his lies before they come. He has no authority over me.

“Giving the Liar authority to speak truth into my life is as insane as letting a wrecking ball build my house.” – 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

I don’t want to live pretty and put-together. The only way to make something is to first make a mess.


I will dance like I’m three again. To twirl. Smile. Marvel in the movement. To fall and jump right back up. To fall and turn it into a new move.

“You write your first draft with your heart and you re-write with your head. The first key to writing is to write, not to think.” — Sean Connery

Creating, at the core, is telling the truth. It’s honesty at its rawest form. It’s scrapping your knuckles. It’s licking the tear drop. To create is to present something to the world that you’ve been 100% present within. ( click to tweet that )


Creating is not impartial. When you create, you are taking a side. You are making intentional choices. You are taking a stand. You are committing through form, medium, brush, song, written word. Every choice is creating meaning. Every creative choice is arguing a point without having to argue.


It’s hard to create something new if you’re hoping to be validated in the process. ( click to tweet )


There are enough critics and cynics for me to join the ranks.

“Complaining is passive and powerless. Creating is proactive and powerful.” – 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

Every innovator was told it’s impossible.


Every artist battled and was baffled.


Every artist got lost.


As a creative you have to “go there” even if you have no idea how you’re going to get out. (tweet that?)

“God is really another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style. He just goes on trying other things.” — Pablo Picasso

“In the beginning, God created…” Will I pay it forward?


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35 Quotes For the Twentysomething Soul

Twentysomething life is not as easy as it looks on the front of the brochure.

Here are 35 quotes to inspire, challenge, and encourage every twentysomething to live like we actually mean it!

35 Quotes For the Twentysomething Soul

1. “Twentysomethings who don’t feel anxious and incompetent at work are usually overconfident or underemployed.” – Meg Jay, The Defining Decade

2. “Accept who you are; and revel in it.” ― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

3. “Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis

4. “The future belongs to chefs, not cooks or bottle washers. It’s easy to buy a cookbook (filled with instructions to follow) but really hard to find a chef book.” – Seth Godin, Linchpin

5. “A man who fails well is greater than one who succeeds badly.” – Thomas Merton, No Man is an Island

6. “I would rather be ashes than dust!

I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.

I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.

The function of man is to live, not to exist.” – Jack London

7. “Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice.” ― Bob Goff, Love Does

8. “And in the end it is not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.” ― Abraham Lincoln

9. “Life will never feel like it’s ‘supposed to…’ If always trying to live like we’re ‘supposed to,’ we’re never going to actually live.  – Paul Angone, 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

10. “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”

― Maya Angelou

11. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Victor Frankel, Man’s Search for Meaning

12. “The unexamined life is not worth living.” ― Socrates

Photo by Paul Angone

13. “On such a flat earth, the most important attribute you can have is creative imagination.” – Thomas Friedman, The World is Flat

14. “Adhere to your purpose and you will soon feel as well as you ever did. On the contrary, if you falter, and give up, you will lose the power of keeping any resolution, and will regret it all your life. Take the advice of a friend, who, though [just met] you, deeply sympathizes with you, and stick to your purpose.” – Abraham Lincoln, written in a letter to a young man about to quit college

15. “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ― Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island

16. ”Our twenties are about what we plant in the ground, not about what we harvest. We can’t keep pulling our seeds out of the dirt before it has time to grow.” – 9 Things Every Twentysomething Need to Know

17. “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” ― Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

18. “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.”― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

19. “Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life … the great stories go to those who don’t give in to fear.” ― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

20. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

21. “Our job in this life is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” ― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

22. ”Success in your twenties is more about setting the table than enjoying the feast.” – 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

23. “To be good, and do good, is the whole duty of man comprised in a few words.” ― Abigail Adams

24. “Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind maker-upper to make up his mind” ― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

25. Most 20 something’s can’t write the last sentence of their lives. But when pressed, they usually can identify things they want in their 30s or 40s or 60s -or things they don’t want- and work backward from there. This is how you have your own multigenerational epic with a happy ending. This is how you live your life in real time.” – Meg Jay, The Defining Decade

26. “Oh my dear, you see, they forgot to teach you this in school.

But don’t worry. We all go through it. Don’t feel like a fool.

You need to find the right questions before you get to the answer.

Because life. Sometimes. Makes as much sense as the lyrics to “Hold me closer tiny dancer.“ – The Twentysomething Nursery Rhyme 

27. “All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning.” — Albert Camus

28. “As the darkness began to descend on me in my early twenties, I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize that I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.” – Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

29. ”Surviving your 20s is sometimes nothing more glamorous than just holding on for dear life on the back of an inner tube like a kid being whipped around by a speedboat…And your only choice of survival is to just let go.” - Paul Angone, 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

30. “We don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” — Walt Disney

31. “You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead pursue the things you love doing and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off of you.” ― Maya Angelou

32. “No matter how the movies make it look–being brave is not sexy.

Most people won’t understand you. They’ll just stare at you with disgusted perplexy.

You’ll never know if you can do it if you keep trying to think it perfectly through.

Sometimes you have to put your thinker to rest, pack your bags, and just do.” - Twentysomething Nursery Rhyme Part Two

33. “Greatness is not a function of circumstance. Greatness, it turns out, is largely a matter of conscious choice, and discipline.”

― Jim Collins, Good to Great

34. The goal of life is not to live comfortably. Comfortable is a quicksand. You must keep moving forward or agree to sign the waiver that you understand the risk of being suffocated by perks, 401K’s and “well hey, at least it’s a job.” – The Twentysomething Declaration

35. “Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

The above links are affiliate links, so if you buy one of the amazing books linked above you’ll also be supporting the work here at All Groan Up. Win, win! 

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Can I tell you a personal story?

There I was. Hiking up the same trail that I had countless times before.

Who knew that this time something waited for me at the top that would change my life.

Through a very long season of stuckness,  I walked this trail when I had no idea where else to go.

Photo by Paul Angone

And as I’d struggle through the sweltering heat and make it to the top, the view was well, kind of ugly.

I’d look over a brown, dying, dusty August landscape that made the California drought come to life. Then a little further beyond I could make out the LA landscape, encased in smog you could cut with a knife.

This wasn’t exactly the Rocky Mountain hiking I grew up with. But if you’re in LA and not sitting in the parking lot that some still call the highway, you’re grateful.

At the top of the hill I’d repeat the same prayer over and again.

“The desert is blossoming. The river is flowing. Life abounds.”

I was warring for hope. Declaring life over my dry bones. But my heart, and the landscape around me, felt one and the same.

I was barely holding on for the weather to change.

Until this day.

I flew to the top of the trail and began my daily cleanse, washing the rejection and failure that was suffocating me.

As I repeated the same words over and over, I looked down five feet in front of me with amazement.

The scorched earth all-around was still dying and desolate, yet right in front of me was a beautiful green patch filled with purple and yellow wildflowers.

It was like my words that had passed over countless times before brought life to the earth below.

I stood marveling at the beautiful flowers when two hummingbirds came dancing in and out of the flowers, taking long drinks from this tiny oasis.

And as I saw the two hummingbirds, a truth filled me. It was as if God was speaking directly into my heart with a straw.

“Paul, your desert will blossom. And it’s for a reason – to give all the hummingbirds life.”

This image became a powerfully, driving metaphor for my life. It was a portal of encouragement. It was an unexpected gift of vision and clarity I’ve clung to since.

What’s been your Gift of Clarity?

I think all of us are given these same moments. We’re given unique and powerful open windows that let us see a glimpse behind the curtain

We are given an image. A story. A metaphor. A moment. Where something leaps within us as our soul cries, “Yes!”

We are given gifts of clarity, vision, and calling that go far beyond a self-assessment exam.

Yet, we can’t be too busy, too cynical, or too distracted to take notice.

We can’t discount these gifts of clarity as non-consequential or just a coincidence.

It’s like God wants to gently grab your face and whisper a profound truth about why and how you were made.

Have you had one of these gifts of clarity before?

Think back to a moment that felt like the world kind of stopped. Where your breathe was taken away or you saw something within you so clearly. Maybe it was something you knew before, but have since now forgotten.

It’s time to remember.

Or maybe it’s time to start paying attention. We are given these gifts more than we realize.

Listen for those moments when the Designer reveals to you his design.

Because you are tailor made.

If you feel up for sharing when you had a gift of clarity, please do. Click on the comments link below if you’re reading this through email.

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