Paul Angone's Blog, page 17

The Lost Art of Being Human

 

We are experiencing a dire shortage these days. Not just of oil. Or water. Or food.

We have a shortage of humans.

You wouldn’t think in a world of over seven billion people we’d have such a problem. But call this Terminator Five. The machines are taking over.

And I’m not talking about the machines putting together our cars, driving our cars, our planes, our computers — no I’m talking about us.

We’ve lost the art of being human. (click to tweet)

And in this highly digitized world, it’s those who excel the best at being real.live.humans who will experience the most success.

Lack of Real.Live.Humans

What do I mean?

Many of us have forgotten, well, how to be us.

We’ve lost how to actually be a face behind the name. To be more than a piece of paper. A status update. A picture. A Tweet. A LOL.

We hide behind screens and phones, interacting with each other in ways that require less need for us to really be us.

We apply for jobs as a list of bullet points.

We appeal for support with a mass email. Proud that we addressed it Dear ____.

We say happy birthday with a click of a button.

We buy our groceries without ever making eye contact with the person scanning our Frosted Mini-Wheats. The cashier just an extension of the checkout aisle.

We drape ourselves in routine, forgetting that feeling of new-ness.

We say things that we think should be said instead of saying what we know is right.

Authenticity has become the new buzz word.

But with our auto-drive, auto-text, auto-tweet, auto-think, auto-write: Authenticity has been replaced with Auto-thencity — an automated version of us that’s not really us. 

Your success hinges on your ability or inability to be a real.live.human. (click to tweet)

Three Key Places to be Human
1. Job Search

It is those who shake a hand and look into eyes, who will win the job. A resume has no face. A piece of paper is too easy to say no to. A person with a smile, laugh and a story is much harder. Humans want to help humans. Humans love reaching out a hand to pick up another. When looking for a job, somehow, someway you must become a human to the human on the other side. No matter how “green” we get, humans will always crumble up paper before a person.

2. Marriage

Marriage can’t just be a oiled machine of routine. It can’t be placed on auto-pilot. You’ll crash. I say this more to myself than anyone else.

I forget far too easily that my wife trumps other deadlines, dreams, and desires. Every night that my computer takes precedent over her thoughts and touch is a night that I have screwed up.

Having an affair with my computer is not how I want my wife and kids to remember me.

Turn off auto-pilot Paul. Put your hands back on the wheel. Fly the plane you swore you would fly.

3. Friendship

If I call a friend back within a weeks time, I consider that doing a pretty good job. Two weeks – two months is most likely the norm.

Sure life is busy. Too freaking busy. But too busy for friends?

Too busy to make a phone call? What five minutes? Five minutes to connect with a person I swore I would never lose contact with?

Sounds easy. So why have I resorted to texts and Facebook? A wall is no place to make friends.

The Impact of Humanity

It is the real.live.humans who will inherit the earth.

We need to rise above the drab of the impersonal.

We need those who will call out to others in a real voice by their real name.

Even within technological forms which are not going away, how can we promote personality and purpose through a medium that can possibly diminish both.

Because humans desire interaction with real humans. Humans desire for the taste of real relationships not contrived on cliches.

We yearn for those special people who can call out the person inside of us. (click to tweet)

We ache for the feeling of shared aliveness.

This is a cry for us to come alive. By God, I hope I answer the call…

What do you think?

Related posts:
Lost in Transition: A Journey of a Thousand Miles Starts With Bad Directions
How to Handle Fear
Feeling Anxious? This Will Help

7 Questions To Ask When Going Through a Transition

Today’s guest post is written by Joel Delgado. If you’re going through a transition, these are excellent questions to ask. Thanks Joel for becoming All Groan Up today. 

In Miami, fall and winter are foreign concepts.

It’s pretty much summer all year round, with the occasional day or two when the temperatures dip below 70 degrees. (Only in Miami will you see people sporting fur boots and coats when that day’s high temperature is a frigid 68 degrees. Seriously.)

A trip to Nashville several years ago gave me my first taste of fall. The oranges and yellows and reds that enveloped the countryside as my flight descended into the city made me feel like Kevin McAllister entering Duncan’s Toy Store for the first time in Home Alone 2.

The transition from summer to fall is clear: the days grow shorter, the temperatures begin to cool, and pumpkin spice lattes are available at every Starbucks (hallelujah!).

In life, we go through similar transitions. New opportunities. New locations. New friends. New everything.

Whether we’re entering the spring of a new job or relationship or the winter of loss or disappointment, we need to be prepared and ready take on whatever comes our way.

Here are some questions to ask as you transition into a new season:

1. WHERE AM I?

Before you can move forward, you have to know where you stand. Being able to humbly and honestly evaluate where you are is the first step toward a season of growth. Maybe ask a trusted friend or family member to help you process.

Ask yourself: Where am I emotionally? Where am I physically? Financially? Relationally? Spiritually?

2. WHAT DO I NEED TO LEAVE BEHIND?

Let’s face it: things change. And as changes swirl around us, we need to be willing to make changes ourselves. We might need to let go of some old things to make room for the new.

New seasons rarely come without the need to make some sacrifices and difficult decisions. Maybe it’s cutting down on binge watching The Walking Dead with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream cradled in your arm. Or it could be a toxic relationship that needs to be axed.

Whatever it is, do it. Now. Nothing will change if you’re not willing to make changes yourself.

3. WHO DO I WANT TO BE?

Some seasons can last a few months and others can last years, but they all have one thing in common: they end. Who do you see yourself becoming at the end of your new season?

4. WHERE IS THERE ROOM FOR GROWTH?

There is always room for growth. God wants to shape us, mold us and prepare us for what He has lined up for us. You are where you are for a reason. Ask Him to show you what areas you need help in and commit to grow in those areas.

Don’t waste the season you’re in. Find ways to learn, serve and grow.

5. HOW AM I GOING TO GET THERE?

Sitting around doing nothing while things change around you won’t make things better – it’ll just leave you falling further behind.

Bridging the gap between where you are the beginning of a season and where you want to be at the end of it requires a plan of action. Make a game plan and then go out and execute.

6. WHO DO I WANT BY MY SIDE?

Take an inventory of the people around you. Who are the friends and family members sticking with you as you enter your new season? Who is drifting away? Who is investing in you and who are you investing in?

Look for people who will build you up, encourage you, and challenge you – people that aren’t just for you, but with you. The difference? The “for-you’s” will cheer you on from the sidelines, but the “with-you’s” will put on a jersey and help you push the ball down the court.

7. WHAT IS MY ‘WHY’?

Your ‘why’ is the fuel that will keep you running as you endure the hardships of the season you’re in — and make no mistake, you will face them.

Your ‘why’ will keep you committed when you don’t feel like getting up half an hour earlier in the morning. It will help you to say “no” when you really, really want that last piece of office birthday cake — especially if it’s chocolate.

Your ‘why’ is what will keep your eyes forward when we’re tempted to look to the left or to the right. It will keep your legs moving when you feel like giving up completely.

Transitions are not easy, but they can be good. Be intentional with your transition.

Joel Delgado is a journalist, writer, blogger and sports enthusiast born, raised and living in Miami, FL. He graduated from Florida International University and is passionate about Jesus, coffee, and helping people win. Follow him @JoelMDelgado

Related posts:
Lost in Transition: A Journey of a Thousand Miles Starts With Bad Directions
11 Questions Every Twenty-Something Needs to Ask
The Sneakiest Enemy to Success in Your 20s

How to Handle Fear

 

“Go put this bridle on that horse,” my boss said to me. “And don’t touch his ears this time.”

Here are some facts that led up to this statement:

I was working as a wrangler at a guest ranch in Colorado.


I started working there, somewhat inexperienced with horses (I was mainly hired for my rugged good-looks and possibly because I lied a little on my application) so I was learning on the fly every day. Sometimes very afraid.


The horse I was supposed to put a bridle on had just ripped an 8ft, fifty pound rail from a fence, and swung it around on a rope like it was a piece of licorice just because another wrangler moments before had touched his ears while trying to put it on.


As I grabbed that bridle and slowly walked towards that horse, a small amount of pee pre-maturely escaping in my jeans, what happened next taught me an important lesson about fear.

How to Beat Fear

I slowly walked up to the horse I would’ve rather not touched with a 100ft pole. Quickly did what my boss had just taught me. And got the bridle on with no problem. Simple as that.

I then walked away a little taller and prouder, forgetting about the pee soaking my pants.

If I would sum up my boss’s leadership style, whom I respected very much, that’s what it would be.

If you’re afraid, do it anyway. (click to tweet that)

It never mattered to our boss who had the most experience or who was the best on paper for a certain task.

If you were there, you did the job.

You ease fear by doing it afraid. Then the next time, the fear is a little less frightening. (click to tweet)

For the rest of the summer whenever I began to avoid a job because I was afraid, I would turn back around and do it.

You learned by doing. You grew by doing it scared.

He didn’t sit you down and teach you a class on proper riding. He put you on a horse and told you to get going!

Get On and Get Going!

As a generation w’ve become paralyzed by over-analyzing.

With so much information at our fingertips, we want to research and remove all risk of embarrassment before we’ll even put our toe in the water.

When sometimes the best way to learn how to swim, is by being thrown in the deep end naked and blindfolded.

Doing something big is scary! Not doing something big because you’re afraid is even scarier! (tweet that)

If there’s something you know you need to do, but have been too nervous to take that first step, do it right now.

Don’t wait for it to feel right. Do it. Then feel right about it after it’s done.

If you’re scared to speak in public, join a Toastmasters and give a talk.

If you’re scared to network, email five people right now you’d like to meet with and ask them to coffee.

Walk into the office you want to be hired at and see if the hiring manager is available.

Go up to the girl you’ve been texting with and ask her out on a date. In person!

Volunteer to head up that big project at work even if you feel it’s overwhelming.

Do it. Then figure out how to get it done.

You learn the most by doing the things that you fear you’re the least capable of doing.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments section on this article: 

What’s one thing that terrifies you that you will tackle today? 

Related posts:
We Can’t Handle the Truth
The Twentysomething Nursery Rhyme (Part Two)
The Real Risk of Embarrassment

Permission to Thrive in Your 20s

I love this guest post today from Dan Cumberland. Such a freeing and important message for us to understand. Thanks Dan for officially becoming All Groan Up. 

 

It’s okay NOT to know what you want to do with your life.

Really, it’s totally okay. I wish someone had told me that when I was in my 20s.

Finishing college left me feeling unsure what to do next. There were so many pressures to start a career, to do it right, and not make a mistake. With all of that pressure, it was difficult for me to hold on to my sense of what I wanted and who I was.

What I was “supposed” to do felt like it was what mattered the most.

My life has been profoundly shaped by the choices I made. I wouldn’t say that I regret them, but what I feel sad about is the lack of freedom that I felt in the face of the uncertainty of starting “real life”. The primary feelings I had were fear and obligation. I wish that I could have felt freedom, adventure, and excitement about what was to come instead.

What I’ve learned since is that you’re more free than you think you are.

I’ll argue this with you all day long. I’ll fight for your freedom, because someone needs to. There are things that have to happen and needs that have to be met, but when it comes to the questions of what your life will look like post-college, you have to remember one simple truth: it’s your life. And you get to live it the way that makes sense for you.

The life ahead of you doesn’t belong to your parents, to your professors, your old high-school rival, or anyone else. It’s yours, and yours alone. You just need to give yourself permission to have permission.

Two kinds of permission that will allow you to thrive in your 20s

1) Permission to let what you want, matter.

I know what you’re thinking: that’s selfish. I get that. It may feel that way at first, but think about it for a second. If you could let yourself make choices and based on what you want to give, would you really end up living a selfish life? Maybe, but I believe that you’re deeper than that.

I believe that you have something to offer the world.

I believe that you have something to give.

I believe that you want to work hard for the sake of a cause and an impact that matters to you.

The desires that you have are there for a reason. The experiences that have shaped you have meaning and have birthed those desires in you. Giving yourself permission to let what you want matter is for you to let your life have meaning, not just the voices of others.

If you choose to keep your own desire out of the equation, then you are choosing to believe that your experiences this far do not have meaning, and that kind of self-neglect takes it’s toll (think mid-life crisis and burn-out).

2) Permission to experiment with your work and impact.

I had a conversation with a college senior who just took a job offer for after graduation. He’s one of the smartest kids I’ve ever met, and he comes from a very successful family. In our conversation about his choice to take the job he said, “I don’t know what I want to do yet. This seems like a good starting point and I don’t feel the pressure to stay for the rest of my life.” I loved hearing that permission to experiment. He’s been a “student” most of his life. This is his first experience in the full time work force. Who knows how it’s going to feel for him.

Treat your first job(s) like experiments. Stay for a while — that looks good on your resume — but it doesn’t have to be the only job you ever hold. You get to explore and try things, and as you do you discover more about who you are, how you want your life to feel, and what you want to give to the world.

We’d love to hear from you in the comments on this article or by clicking on the “comments” link below if you’re reading this via email. 

Where’s one place in your life you can give yourself permission today?

—–

Dan Cumberland is on a mission to shake you awake to what really matters, to help you find where meaning and life intersect, and to inspire you to push into those places. He has been featured in the Chicago Tribune, Inc, Entrepreneur Magazine, MSN, and Careerbuilder. He is the author of the ebook, The Meaning Manifesto: Six Foundational Truths for Work Worth Doing, which he is giving way for free on his blog. He lives in Seattle with his wife and dog. You can follow his blog at TheMeaningMovement.com and on twitter @dancumberland.

Related posts:
9 Signs Your 20s Are Not Going as Planned (and why that’s a good thing)
10 Things I Wish I had Done in my 20s
The Sneakiest Enemy to Success in Your 20s

The Purpose of Pain

World changers typically have their greatest impact where they have experienced the most personal pain.

In The Alchemist, the Shepard loses everything to live his Personal Legend.

Victor Frankel is sent to a concentration camp and clings to hope by finding significance in the suffering, saving countless lives by helping others do the same.

Fredrick Douglas escaped from slavery and then courageously told his story of anguish and pain to fuel the fight against it.

There can’t be redemption if there wasn’t first a fall.

The Hero’s Journey

The hero always experiences an “all is lost” moment before the dramatic rise. (tweet that)

The hero’s greatest struggle then transforms into their greatest strength. Purpose ripened with pain, not just for redemption for themselves, but for the world around them.

You can’t create a masterpiece without mashing, sculpting, and molding the clay–and then throwing the whole thing in the fire.

In the Bible, there is story after story of a great promise spoken over someone and then a direct detour into the desert and prison.

Abraham, King David, the Apostle Paul, Joseph, yes even Jesus, the main-squeeze himself, was “led by the Spirit” to spend forty days and forty nights alone in the desert.

In probably the most memorable and publicized desert experience, Moses led the Israelites through a little 40-year jaunt through the desert. 40 years!

But the thing about Moses is that he just didn’t spend forty years in the desert, no he spent eighty! Yep, 80 freaking years!

Before leading the Israelites through the desert, he spent forty years prior with the Midians in “a dry and arid place,” similar to the desert he’d lead his people through.

As Os Hillman writes,

“The desert was a place of preparation for one of the greatest assignments given to one man. Did you hear what I just said? Yes, the desert was the place of preparation. Moses was battle-trained in the same environment he would spend another forty years…What kind of assignment is God preparing you for? Does He have you in the desert of preparation? Learn well the lessons you are there to learn. You may find you are called to be a deliverer, just like Moses.”

Maybe God’s not punishing desert-dwellers, he’s preparing.

Maybe your purpose is so important that it can only be forged in the difficult and the dire. 

As Dallas Willard writes,

“All great works are prepared in the desert, including redemption of the world. The precursors, the followers, the Master himself, all obeyed or have to obey one and the same law. Prophets, apostles, preachers, martyrs, pioneers of knowledge, inspired artist in every art, ordinary men and the Man-God, all pay tribute to loneliness, to the life of silence, to the night.”

No water, no food, and no shade — it’s easy to die in the desert, no doubt about it. But if we can stay alive here, with all our old comforts burnt and blown away, well then we can stay alive, and thrive, anywhere else.

Something significant happens to us when we are void of what we depended on.

There is significant purpose and promise in your pain.

The pain you are experiencing now might be your life’s purpose later. (tweet that)

Related posts:
The Purpose of Growing Up
Your Biggest Fall Might Save Your Life (an unbelievable story from history)
Millennials Greatest Weakness and How We Overcome

7 Secrets to Happiness (taught by little kids)

 

Kids do many things right.

They do some things wrong too. Like seeing how far their little brother can fly off a bunk bed or eating a piece of chocolate dipped in playground sand.

But kids know all about the stuff that really matters to rocking life.

We try to find the secrets to happiness as grown-ups, when we fully lived the secrets as kids. We just forgot them all with age.

If we just focused on the seven things kids do really well, we could be happier, more fulfilled adults.

1. Bursting Joy

My three-year-old daughter has joy oozing out from the ends of her hair. Buying pretzels at Wal-Mart, spotting an airplane, or successfully climbing up a slide, all have the potential to build so much joy within her that if she doesn’t let out an all-out Scream-of-Joy, I’m pretty sure her tiny toddler body would explode.

Remember when you used to be excited about stuff?

When the anticipation of the upcoming day popped that head off your pillow like a rocket fueled by coffee.

Conditions don’t dictate joy. A healthy mind and heart does.

Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to let joy re-enter through your front door.

Don’t wait for joy, run full speed towards it.

2. Wild Imagination

Remember that pre-Internet, pre-iPad virtually reality we lived in called our neighborhood?

Where you walked out your front door and next thing you knew a tennis ball was the lost crystal from the King of France and you had to sail all the way to the top of the street, pushing yourself with sticks on skateboards to retrieve it, all while fighting off the wild sea monsters (aka the neighbor’s two cats Romper and Fluffy).

The silent killer of adulthood is the death of our imagination.

Imagination is to creativity like salsa is to chips.

Imagination takes guts.

It takes courage to let yourself venture into the unknown, and even more guts to lead others there with you.

Imagination is our flicker of genius. Hide that under a bushel? Heck no.

You don’t change anything encased in cold-hard-literal.

You don’t become legendary chasing after a sure thing. (tweet that)

3. Sleep-overs

Pretty sure we’d reduce the amount of pissed off adults by 23% if we had more adult sleepovers. How can you be angry with s’more mouth, lying on a sleeping bag next to your best friends? You can’t. Studies show it’s impossible.

4. The Thrill of a Gift

I remember the Christmas I sprinted around my house, holding The Game Genie for Nintendo high above my head as if I’d just wrestled with Indiana Jones and came away with the Holy Grail.

Kids have no problem fully receiving a great gift. I’m not sure I can say the same for my adult-self.

To receive a gift well you have to be present in the moment.

Kids aren’t thinking about what they’ll have for dinner or if the gift they’re giving to you is as expensive as the gift they’re receiving. No. They rip open the paper, marveling at that new toy in their hands like they’ve just discovered gold doubloons.

I want to remember how to marvel. Which takes me to…

5. Wonder and Marvel

Adults have to schedule in a four-day vacation to a tropical place, then while there, go on an expensive tour into the heart of some remote location, have the tour guide point out what we should be really excited about seeing, and maybe then we’ll let our mouth drop with awe. (if we’re not thinking about the weird bug that just flew by our head, the heat, the humidity, or how our hair looks in the heat and humidity.)

You know what makes my kids marvel? Dirt.

And double the wonder if there’s a weird looking bug nestled in the stuff.

As adults we build up so many callouses from life that we lose the ability to feel the petals between our fingers.

We need to cultivate the ability to see and feel things for the first time.

We need to give ourselves permission to stop and stare. Mouth-freakin-agape, if need be.

Within a 50-foot radius from you right now there are about 50 miracles taking place. The air you’re breathing. The flower growing. Your co-worker sending mail to you instantly through the air.

Life is too exquisite not to take it in.

You’re not wasting time by pausing and being thankful for the time you have.

6. Thirty-Minute Recess

Office chairs containing molds of our butts is the 21st century sculpture. (tweet that)

Offices need recess. That or the various cubicle Olympics explained here.

Picture yourself running around playing tag, hide and seek, or home run derby with your co-workers. The mundane could use a little unproductive, run-around madness.

Sure everyone would be a little salty and smelly when they came back in, but it’s better than overwhelming Cubicle Musk, which smells a little like a mixture of your parent’s attic, printer ink, and people’s personalities dying.

7. The Ripe Now

Kids live in the now. Adults should too.

Your “right now” is exploding with flavor like a ripe tangelo. Close your eyes and take a juicy bite.

Live for the ripe now.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below or if you’re reading this through email, by clicking the comments link below:

Which of these seven secrets to happiness resonate with you the most? 

Related posts:
21 Secrets for your 20s
How 21 Secrets and 27,000 Pins Changed Everything
7 Biggest Secrets to Succeeding as a Real.Live.Adult

How to Handle Money in your Marriage

Today All Groan Up welcomes a guest post by Derek Olsen. Enjoy! 

Every married couple should talk about money in order to avoid serious trouble down the road.

Some say the most important decision you will make in your life is choosing whom you marry.

I disagree.

I believe that how you choose to treat the person you marry is more important.

You have also heard that financial stress is the number one reason relationships crumble.

How can you treat each other well when it comes to money and strengthen your marriage too?

The answer is simple: Oneness.

When a young couple gets married, they have become one, at least on paper. Becoming ‘one’ in reality requires more than signing some papers, saying I do, and throwing an after party.

Financial oneness is absolutely necessary for the success of your marriage.

Let’s review:

Every married couple can avoid trouble by talking about money
How you treat your partner is important
Money is a HUGE part of the success of any marriage
Oneness is the answer

Oneness.

Oneness means that it is no longer his money and her money, his debt and her debt, his paycheck and her paycheck. Nope, it’s all OURS now.

Each of you will bring financial habits, goals, priorities, savings, debt, and even financial-emotional-baggage into the marriage. How the two of you choose to approach this new financial arrangement will have a widespread effect on your relationship.

You and your partner are not roommates, financially speaking, you are married. You are now ONE. Throw your money together into one giant (or tiny) pile and let’s get busy setting your marriage up for success.

Treat each other well, financially.

When you make a financial decision, however small or large, smart or dumb, your partner will experience the results. The two of you ARE ONE, the goal is to act like it as much as possible.

Some couples think that by keeping their finances separate that they are somehow avoiding this idea of ‘oneness’.

NOT TRUE.

Keeping separate bunks on the same ship won’t allow you and your partner to arrive in two different destinations. You are one and at the end of your journey together you will arrive at the same destination.

The way you treat your partner, financially speaking, will determine that common destination. Strong financial communication will lead both of you to a beautiful destination.

Keeping the change.

Marriage brings on many changes. Many of those changes are easy to see, others are camouflaged.

Financial changes are waiting to be discovered, uncovered, and dealt with. Financial changes aren’t created by uncovering them, there were already there, demanding your attention. Looking the other way or sweeping financial changes under the rug will only make dealing with them more difficult.

Invite those changes into the conversation. Things are different now and that can be a really good thing if you adjust to this new financial way of life. Don’t leave the financial changes out, invite those changes along for the ride. Things have changed, so, keep the changes.

About that talk. (The one that could save your marriage.)

Talk about the positive possibilities that the future holds.

These three simple questions will be enough to get the conversation started.

The past: How do you feel about your own financial past and about each other’s financial past?
The now: How are you currently treating each other financially?
The future: What is that common destination that you are both moving towards?

Have these conversations now. Don’t wait until you find yourself in trouble.

These conversations represent your commitment to oneness, to your future together, and to the success of your marriage. THAT is something to get excited about!

It’s your money and it’s your marriage, give it the time and energy that it deserves.

Let me know how it goes.

Take a look at our monthly budget for a real-life example.

Derek and his wife Carrie encourage married couples to strengthen their marriage through having better conversations on finance. Find them at http://www.derekandcarrie.com.

Related posts:
4 Objections to Early Marriage (and Why I am Glad I Did it Anyway)
Three Reasons You’re Spending Too Much Money at WalMart
Three Keys to a Kick-Ass Marriage with Marcy the Matchmaker

Your Biggest Fall Might Save Your Life (an unbelievable story from history)

This story starts with a terrible accident.

One that took place at the worst possible time.

A man went on a carriage ride with his son and daughter to get away and think in peace for a moment. When all of the sudden, the carriage lost control, crashed and threw this man to the street below.

His injuries were extremely serious. A broken shoulder, broken jaw, face and head lacerations, and severe bleeding. Some feared the man would not survive. A large metal splint held his jaw together, covering one of the most prominent faces of the time.

How could this happen? 

This man was so crucially needed, and his injuries so serious, that Abraham Lincoln cut his trip short and rushed home to visit his most trusted confidant, ally, and friend. Lincoln stepped into a dark room full of nurses whispering, with worries of death on their faces, and his heart sunk.

There his friend lay in immense pain. Lincoln was able to share with him that the Civil War was sure to be over in days. They had finally done it. It must have been a moment shared together filled with such joy, pain, and exhaustion.

It was the last time Lincoln would talk to his friend, the Secretary of State, William H. Seward.

Nine days later, Lincoln would be assassinated. And on the same night as Ford Theater’s infamous performance, an assassin would come for William Seward as well. And Seward should’ve died if it wasn’t for the most unusual of miracles.

The Assassination Attempt

Lewis Powell entered Seward’s house and injured many with a gun and bowie knife as he stormed into Seward’s room. And there over a defenseless Seward the assassin would strike him with a bowie knife in the face repeatedly and hit him with his gun until Seward rolled off the bed, supposedly dead.

But defying all odds, he was not.

Photo and Design by Paul Angone

Months later, Seward would make a miraculous recovery and re-take his position of Secretary of State, supporting newly appointment President Andrew Johnson through their courageous, yet reviled by many, plans of complete reconciliation with the South. If not for Seward’s support, Johnson might have been impeached.

So what miracle saved Seward’s life that terrible night?

The large metal splint from his broken jaw. The terrible carriage accident only nine days earlier saved his life from the unthinkable act later.

The metal used to hold together a terrible break became a shield that would protect his face from numerous fatal blows.

The most miserable moments of our lives have the potential for the greatest redemption. (tweet that)

Our greatest falls have the possibility for the greatest rise.

Many things in life won’t turn out like we planned. Some things will even inexplicably take turns down dark roads.

But we never know what amazing gift lies around the next corner if we are willing to keep walking.

Later William H. Seward would do something else that many would consider one of the greatest mistakes of the time, he would purchase a piece of land called Alaska from Russia for $7,200,000 in 1867. “Seward’s Folly,” as it was called, purchased one of the most dense states of natural resources for two cents an acre. Not a bad return on investment. One that probably would’ve never happened if he hadn’t first crashed that day.

Where does your story find you right now? At the top of the mountain? Or at the bottom with a broken ankle?

Wherever your story finds you, live it with the hopeful expectation for redemption.

With great pain can come great purpose. (tweet that) 

 

References:

Doris Kearns Goodwin, “Team of Rivals.”

http://www.abrahamlincolnsclassroom.o...

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/t...

http://historyengine.richmond.edu/epi...

 

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Feeling Anxious? This Will Help

For the last few weeks months I’ve been more anxious than a Cocker Spaniel on coffee.

And I’ve been trying to figure out why.

I mean, I’m living the dream, right?

I saw a ten-year struggle finally come true with the release of my debut book.

I left my comfortable 8-5 job in marketing to pursue being a full-time author/speaker.

I’ve been fortunate enough to speak at some amazing places, connect with wonderful students/twentysomethings along the way, and even recently took a trip to Vancouver to be filmed in a documentary.

I’m literally living the dream I fought through ten years of dead-ends to see happen.

So, why now? Why is anxiety cascading through my body like a rogue helium machine is filling me until I explode?

While sitting in a conference a few days ago, the full problem and then the answer, finally hit me. And since this realization, anxiety has not been able to make itself at home in me. The answer has had a profound impact on my day to day. And if you’re feeling anxious right now, this might just be the answer you need as well.

First, The Problem

The last few months no matter how much I accomplish or how much progress I make, it never feels like enough.

There’s always another…

- email to send

- page to write

- call to make

- website to review

- box to check

I need more pageviews on my site. Higher sales rank. More Retweet’s. More Likes.

More.more.more.more.more.moooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

When you’re chasing a dream, your legs never stop moving.

When you’re building a platform, there’s always another brick you need to lay down.

But when is enough, enough?

When you’re putting yourself out there, its hard to know when to take a break from the front-store window.

How do you keep your wick from being burnt at both ends and then dosed with gasoline?

Now, The Answer

I got the answer while sitting at Donald Miller’s Storyline Conference, which was great by the way and I’d definitely recommend. But at conferences I have the propensity to become a bursting anxiety-ball, letting other people’s amazing stories tempt me to feel like crap about my own.

So as we were led through a time of meditation before a session began, I knew I needed to enter in.

We closed our eyes and were asked to visualize ourselves following a trusted guide up a mountain trail. As I saw myself hiking up, I could feel the weight of the anxiety I was carrying with me. The guide then led us up to a cabin and as he invited us to step through the door, we were told that the cabin was our heart. In the cabin I opened a door that I’d been refusing to go in for far too long and the guide quietly followed behind me. I felt a sense of peace as I entered the room, then I turned and looked at the guide and he said to me three words that hit me like a peace bomb:

You Are Enough.  

That was it.

And standing in the cabin staring at the guide’s face, I began to cry. The guide stared at me, face grizzled and worn from years on the trails, and he let the tears fall with mine.

You are enough washed over me like a warm bubble-bath.

Peace gave my heart a well-needed hug. I’m a faith guy and I needed the reminder that at the core of the gospel message is you are enough .

So much of my value was coming from the ebb and flow of success, when who I am needed to be anchored in the fact that I am enough. No matter what.

Accomplishing less or more will never be able to sustain me. 

And maybe today you need to hear this as well.

No matter your success or failure.

No matter your job security or insecurity.

No matter your relationship status.

No matter your shame or your secrets.

No matter what you’ve done or what is left to do.

No.matter.what. You are enough.

Don’t let anxiety warp what you’ve done by constantly reminding you what you need to do.

If you’re not secure with less, you will be crushed by more. (tweet that)

When you’re clawing and scraping and hustling, it’s hard to know when the most productive thing you can do is nothing at all.

Chase your dreams. Don’t let your dreams chase you. (tweet that)

Right now. Where you sit. You are enough.

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3 Things Every Single Person Should Know

Today I’m honored to bring you this post from my new friend Debra Fileta, author of True Love Dates. We did a guest post swap this week as I wrote on her site about why you should Marry the “The Four” not “The One”.  Enjoy this post below and let us know if you agree with these three points every single person should know. 

I dusted off one of my old journals the other day. I’ll be honest–not such a good idea.

I half-laughed/half-cringed while reading through the pages, listening to my 20-year-old self talk about life and dream about the future. I had a pretty good head on my shoulders (or at least I thought so), but even so- looking back I realize I had so many things wrong in my mentality as a single person.

There are so many things I know now that I wish I knew then–so many things that would have spared me heartache, grief, and straight-up saved me time! I spent so much time dreaming, worrying, and thinking about things that would never actually happen. I invested my energy in the wrong places, and my emotions in the wrong people.

I get that some life-lessons have to be experienced in order to be learned, but I don’t always think that’s the case. Sometimes, I think someone who’s “been there, done that and learned from it” can give us some perspective and steer us in the right direction. As I reflect on my time as a single, here are some things I wish someone would have told me:

Photo by epSos.de – Creative Commons – Adapted by Paul Angone

1. The most important person you could ever get to know is yourself.

Sound obvious to you? Than you’re better off than I was. Back then, I probably would have told you that I “knew who I was”, but I really didn’t. The truth is, I didn’t take the time to get to know myself until far too late in my life as a single. And I don’t think I’m alone in that. So many times, our years of singleness are spent focusing on who we’re going to be with, rather than who we are. Countless hours and limitless energy are poured into getting to know the person standing before us, many times, at the neglect of ourselves. We can spend so much time trying to find the right person, that we actually lose ourselves in the process.

I wish someone would have clued me in on the fact that getting my stuff together was a huge piece to the puzzle of a nourished relationship. Instead of fixating on relationships- I wish I would have invested more time in developing interests, understanding my personality, working through my past, and wrapping my brain around my identity in Christ. Because at the end of the day, you can’t really know what you want in a relationship- until you know who you are.

2. You will always attract the kind of person you believe you deserve.

The truth is that we all come with some sort of a price tag. We rely on so many superficial things to measure our value and our worth by: appearance, intelligence, success. But no matter how you choose calculate it, your price tag is determined by one thing and one thing alone: Yourself.

I wish someone could have told me that you get to determine the price that you will place upon yourself. But more so, I wish I would have known the reality that the price I choose- is also the price I’ll be purchased at. I spent so much of my life undervaluing my worth, thinking I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or cute enough. I made decisions based on what I believed I deserved, and my inability to see my true worth took me down some roads I wish I never would have traveled.

It’s important to get real with the price we place on ourselves, and realize how valuable we are, because we have been made by a God who said so. A God who saw we were worth so much, and paid a high cost just to prove it. One thing I wish someone would have told me, is that if you want to attract someone who values you, you’ve first got to value yourself.

3. Your story has far more to do with who you are, than who you’re with.

It’s hard not to be “single-minded” when you’re on the search for love (no pun intended). It’s easy to focus in on your desires in the here and now. But the truth is, finding a relationship is just part of God’s bigger story for your life. I think the most foundational truth that I’ve learned now that I’m a married woman, is that my life has far more to do with finding my purpose than it ever did with finding someone to marry.

I love my husband, and I’m blessed by the marriage we have- but I realize that this relationship is just part of the bigger picture God has for my life. My purpose, my security, and my value weren’t resolved in the arms of my spouse. There is so much more that God has made me to do and to be, and so much more that I want to become. Finding love is just part of the equation of my story- and it’s only part of yours as well. Seek to find your purpose and pursue your God-given passions while standing alone. Because one thing I wish I would have known, is that you’ll never regret investing in God’s bigger picture.

No matter who you are or what you’ve been through, my hope is that you learn from my mistakes, because sometimes  a simple perspective change can make all the difference in your life–and in your relationships.

For more of our story, check out True Love Dates. 

Debra K. Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Relationship and Marital issues. She, her husband and two children live in Hershey, PA. She is the author of the new book True Love Dates (Zondervan, 2013), challenging young men and women to do dating in a way that is psychologically sound, emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded. Visit www.truelovedates.com and follow her on Twitter to get your dating questions answered and to learn more!

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