Paul Angone's Blog, page 16

3 Ways to Relentlessly Reject Cynicism

Today All Groan Up welcomes a wise and well-written guest post from Scott Savage. I needed this reminder today. Enjoy!

The extent of our generations’ success will hinge on this one question – will we embrace cynicism or will we embrace hope?

As millenials, our influence as the largest generation since the Baby Boomers could unleash humankind’s imagination, creation, and transformation in spaces all over the world.

Yet, how will we respond when our best laid plans suddenly resemble an epic car crash?

Many of us entered our college or our twenties brimming with optimism and idealism, dreaming of what the world could be. Within a few short years, we faced the bleakest job market in decades, the crushing weight of student loans and overwhelming stereotypes placed on us by older generations.

But our response can not be cynicism. It’s too dangerous of a choice.

Photo Credit: makaGeorge via Compfight cc

The Danger of Cynicism 

What exactly is cynicism? As one person put it, a cynic is someone who refuses to be hurt or disappointed again. H.L. Mencken said, “A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.”

Like a clogged drain, cynics and their destructive worldview plug up the pipeline that runs from present status to future success. By refusing to be hurt or disappointed again, cynics refuse to risk the very things that heal, inspire, and transform. If hope is not possible, fear becomes a very good option.

So, what about the visionaries, the dreamers, the innovators in our world?

Invariably, we find that none of those people are gushing with cynicism. They actually believe change is possible, and they work hard to see it happen.

Cynicism costs us our success. That’s why so much is at stake when we lose our idealism. Our response will determine our future…and the future of those who experience what emerges from our ideas and creativity.

So, how do we win the battle against cynicism- for ourselves and our work?

3 Ways to Relentlessly Reject Cynicism
1. Forgive

If cynics are wounded people who refuse to be hurt or disappointed again, then forgiveness is the path to hope and renewal.

As many have said, refusing to forgive can be like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die. Letting go is not easy, often requiring prayer, meditation, therapy and time. Until someone can be open to risk again, hiding and hurting will be the easy options.

2. Make New Friends

One of my friends described cynicism as the “head table” in the high school cafeteria.

Everyone wants to be cool enough to sit there, but once you get there, you can never leave. If you try to be positive or hold out hope at the “cynics table”, you get yanked back real quick.

“Take steps to sit with the visionary weirdos and you get a bean burrito thrown at your back”, my friend said.

For some, it may take sitting at a “new lunch table”. For me, I had to stop hanging out with certain people. I had to abandon certain authors whose focus on what was wrong made it difficult for me to see the bright spots that inspired hope. Some of these new friends were longing to be freed too – we just needed each other’s company to take the step.

3. Prepare for Resistance.

A couple years ago, I came across the words of Robert Sobukwe, a political leader who facilitated resistance under South Africa’s Apartied in the 1960s. Sobukwe said:

“We are the first glimmers of a new dawn. And if we are persecuted for our news, we should remember that it is darkest before the dawn, and that the dying beast kicks most violently when it is giving up the ghost.”

Whether you call them “haters” or “naysayers”, there will be resistance to your shift. It may look like a “burrito in the back” or something much worse.

The resistance, though, may be the very sign that you’re moving in the right direction. It may be the reminder you need that hope has taken root in your heart and is beginning to displace the cynicism.

The call must ring out to every millennial today –  for their sake and their generation’s sake – relentlessly reject cynicism.

Scott Savage is a writer and pastor. He is currently writing a book about his journey from idealism to cynicism to hope. He is married to a lawyer and father to a two-year old, with twins due this fall. He blogs at thejoshuacollective.com and you can find him on Twitter @scottesavage. 

Related posts:
7 Strategic Ways to Un-Succeed
3 Ways to Cure Obsessive Comparison Disorder
3 Ways to Have Serious Fun (whilst growing up!)

Why I Hope We Never “Make It”

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could just “make it?”

Like that actor who gets discovered out of obscurity and is now starring next to Morgan Freeman.

I know I do.

I want to arrive. I want to unpack my bags. Paint the walls the color I want. Tear down a few needless walls and build a huge custom desk that will never leave the room.

Yet every time I think I’ve made it, I look out the window to see a Uhaul truck waiting to take me to the next town.

Maybe you can relate.

Photo Credit: wili_hybrid via Compfight cc

Yet maybe not “making it” is a really good thing.

As much as I want to “make it”, especially on those hard days where the climb feels unending, maybe it’s an amazing gift that I don’t feel like I’ve arrived.

Because if you’ve “arrived”, why bother still exploring?

When you’ve “made it”, why put in the extra time? Why battle the hard questions? Why push yourself?

There is no need to create anything more when you think you’ve made all you can make.

“Making it” is just a mindset. As world renowned Standford psychologist and author Carol S. Dweck explains in a challenging and eye-opening book Mindset, it’s the difference between a “fixed mindset” and a “growth mindset.” Those with a fixed mindset shy away from challenges while those with a growth mindset become excited by them.

Those of us with a fixed mindset keep hoping for that destination, while those with a growth mindset can’t wait for another step on the journey.

When we take away the challenges we constantly lament, we don’t make life easier, we actually remove it.

So if right now you can’t seem to make it, maybe it’s because you’re meant for something bigger. Maybe every person who “made it” was simply stopping short.

Maybe your life was meant for more adventure.

Those who never feel like they’ve “made it”, might end up making the most.

Related posts:
Millennials Greatest Weakness and How We Overcome
Are You Making Success Impossible? (seven habits that might be holding you back)
The Lure of the Comfortable Job (and 3 signs you need to leave it)

[NEW VIDEO] Twentysomething Problems (as told by eggs)

If you’re a twentysomething, chances are you’ve had twentysomething problems.

Now comes a hilarious stop-motion video, starring eggs, about the trials and tribulations that we all go through. I promise you’ll want to watch this.

Since the creation of All Groan Up, this is THE VIDEO I’ve dreamed of making. And it’s better than I could’ve imagined. Thank you to director Matt Mills, the team at Moody Collective, and the incredibly talented cage-free eggs for your help in making it happen.

I hope you love this video as much as I do. Watch. Revel in the problems we all go through. And please share with your twentysomething friends.

If this video is not showing up in your RSS or email, please click here. 

How many of these twentysomething problems have you experienced? Let us know. And I’d love to hear what you think of the video in the comments below on this article.

Thank you!

Yours truly,

Paul Angone

Related posts:
A Guide to Being a Grown Up Told by 1st Graders [VIDEO]
Twentysomething Problems
The Greatest Twentysomething Photos (as portrayed by eggs)

The Greatest Twentysomething Photos (as portrayed by eggs)

What better to describe the plight of twentysomething life than eggs?

Am I right or am I right?

In celebrating the one-year anniversary of the release of 101 Secrets For Your Twenties, Moody Publishers and I have teamed up once again to create the most epic, honest, and hilarious stop-motion video describing twentysomething life that you’ve ever seen.

All.with.eggs. It’s amazing. The video will release next week and I will let you know as soon as it is live.

To give you a taste to the amazing egg-stravaganza in store, here are some photos paired them with quotes from 101 Secrets For Your Twenties to add some laughter to your week. Check them out below. If you want to be loved and adored by all your friends, then share away.

[image error]The greatest thing about becoming an adult (and I promise it is not what you think)

7 Ways to Worry Less

Do you want to worry less?

Of course you do, right? That’s like me asking if I could send you free bacon (or the tofu equivalent).

Worry is like black mold – it springs up in soggy conditions. Spreads uncontrollably. And often times we don’t realize it’s there until it’s literally killing us.

I’m speaking from experience here because I struggle with worry. Big time.

Each day is full of ripe opportunities to be anxious about something – finances, relationships, my kids, and all the unknowns. I even worry about how much I worry.

But we need to stop. Because…

Worry crushes creativity.

Worry warps wisdom. 

Worry pummels peace.

We must wreck worry before it wrecks us. (want to tweet that?)

But how?

Here’s seven strategic ways to punch worry where it hurts.

1. Do What You Need to Do 

I can’t tell you how much of my worry comes because I’m simply not doing what I know I should be doing. I’m lost on the Internet when I have a deadline. I’m avoiding projects or hard conversations.

I don’t do what I know I should be doing, and then I spend the rest of the time worried I’m not doing what I should be doing. Even a mostly insane person would tell you that’s crazy.

Often times the angst and anxiety that comes from worrying is much worse than the task we’re worried about.

2. Make a “Wow! I’m Insanely Blessed” List

How many times have you come up against something that you thought, this time, without a doubt, you were dead meat. And then out of nowhere, the answer, the open door, the finances, the wisdom you needed arrives and everything works out better than you ever could’ve dreamed.

Your greatest fears that you were sure had no answer usually end up solving themselves.

We’ve been blessed so many times, so why do we continually keep expecting the opposite? (click to tweet that)

If you keep worrying that you’re in deep crap, that’s exactly how you’re going to feel.

“Most folks are as happy as they have made up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln

3. Get Intentional

I think many of us act like we’re puppets in a play and we’re waiting for something or someone to put us in the right place.

We need to stop letting life just happen. We need to live on purpose. Nothing breeds worry like purposelessness.

“About one third of my patients are suffering from no clinically definable neurosis, but from the senselessness and emptiness of their lives.” – Carl Jung

Define what you want from this life and take steps towards it.

The most important thing we can do with this life is actually live it. (tweet that)

4. Make Plans (then make plans to make new plans)

You can’t have intentionality without making plans.

Yet, don’t place your plans in stone. Make your plans with Play-Doh — malleable, adaptable, and fluid.

Being a twentysomething is often times defined by your plans not going as planned.

But the more comfortable you are with the uncomfortable, the less you will worry when things become worrisome.

Accept change. Make new plans. Then move forward.

5. Stop Smoking Your iPhone

The iPhone is our generation’s cigarette.

We are the Refresh Generation – constantly getting a hit from our phone for the latest update.

Some of us (myself included) need to admit we have a social media and iPhone addiction. And this addiction breeds in us Obsessive Comparison Disorder, worry, and anxiety.

We can’t fill every second where we should be resting and reflecting with frantic refreshing.

The worst way to be refreshed is continually refreshing your phone.

6. Take a Creative Break

There are powerful healing and calming effects in taking time out to create something. The artists at Plumb write that taking an art break “boosts immune system functioning, reduces anxiety and stress reaction, aids healing, and, of course, increases creative growth.”

Worried about something? Maybe it’s time to take out a pencil, water colors or Photoshop and get creative.

7. Serve Others 

Sometimes the best way you can be intentional about your life is being intentional about helping others.

Sometimes the best cure for your problems is by helping someone else solve theirs.

As Dale Carnegie of the famed How to Worry Less and Start Living wrote:

“It is utterly impossible for any human mind, no matter how brilliant, to think of more than one thing at any given time.”

Get out of your own head for a little while and you might find there’s actually light on the outside.

Related posts:
3 Ways to Have Serious Fun (whilst growing up!)
3 Ways to Cure Obsessive Comparison Disorder
7 Strategic Ways to Un-Succeed

8 Questions Every Twentysomething Should Ask About Their Career

Do you have big questions about your career? (or lack thereof)

After almost a decade studying, working with and writing about the issues facing twentysomethings, I have learned that questions around career are the #1 amplifier of anxiety, confusion, and frustration.

Thankfully I have also learned some of the right questions you need to be asking in your twenties to make sure you’re on the right path.

Searching for a career is more than just finding a job, it’s about finding a place to call home where you can thrive.

If you’re struggling with your current career, are confused about the direction it’s heading, or just want to re-confirm you’re on the right one, here are eight questions you need to ask.

1. Are the people who have obtained success in your career path, you know, actually happy?

When you look at the higher ups in your field of work, the people who have really made it, are they happy? Are they living a life they enjoy or are they doing just the opposite?

As I wrote in twentysomething problems, if the thought of doing your bosses job 15 years from now makes you throw up a little, then maybe that’s a sign you’re in the wrong job.

2. The moment right before you enter into your day’s work, how do you feel?

Tomorrow right before you begin your work, pause, ask yourself this question, and see what you say. Are you excited? Anxious? Overwhelmed?

You might be surprised that you find yourself thrilled to begin another day of work. That’s a great sign! Or maybe you notice that dread is slowly wrapping its fingers around your neck?

How you feel the moment before you begin your day will tell you a lot about how you will feel when your day ends.

3. What’s your Dread/ Tolerate/ Love breakdown?

Let’s make a chart! This will be fun!

Look at a typical work day. Break down each hour. From email, to meetings, travel, and then when you’re actually plugging away at the work you’re supposed to be doing.

Looking at your breakdown, how many hours would you place in each category - Dread, Tolerate, and Love.

Now take your hour breakdown and make it into a pie chart. Does this pie chart make you nauseous or happy? If your day is filled with more dread than love, is there a way you can tackle more projects in your “Love” category?

Is there a way to spice up some of those Tolerate hours to make them fit better within your wheelhouse? Or is this career taking up permanent residence in the Land of Dread.

Define what you love about your job and then refine your job to do more of what you love. (tweet that?)

4. Or do you feel you’re full throttle-ly (that’s a word, right?) employed in a crappy job and it would take an act of God to help you enjoy it?

A crappy job can feel like a black hole — it sucks and feels impossible to escape.

Yes, working a crappy job is a twentysomething rite of passage. But how do we make it smell a little better?

The key to working a crappy job, and then leveraging that job into a better one, is to find and hone your One Thing.

Find and focus on the One Thing you like about this job.

Then do that one thing even better than before. Grow your skill-set there. Learn from co-workers who do that One Thing well.

Make that One Thing your crappy job trampoline, bouncing you to greater heights.

Your twenties are about putting in the work now so that you can enjoy your work later. (want to tweet that?)

Too many of us want to escape our crappy jobs before we’ve grown in a skill-set that we can leverage into a better opportunity. If you leave your crappy job without learning and growing, chances are another crappy job awaits.

5. Does studying, researching, and becoming more proficient in your career give you energy or drain it?

Does learning about your industry or craft give you life or take from it?

If becoming a master of your craft is something you’re avoiding, it’s either time to fully dive in or it’s time to pick a new craft.

6. Does this career path create the life you want?

Sometimes you can have an amazing career, but the wake from it is choppy and uneasy.

Do you love your job, but it’s pretty much a given that you’re working 70 hour weeks? And your boss works 80. Or maybe your career is filled with purpose and passion, yet it doesn’t really pay the bills? Basically, what’s most important to you? If you’re not sure, maybe start with these 11 questions every twentysomething needs to ask and then come back here.

It’s a strange paradox when you love your job, but you don’t love the lifestyle it creates.

Choose a healthy life, not just a successful career. 

This might mean you have to make a difficult decision about the kind of life you want to live. But I promise it will be easier to make that choice now, than when a house, spouse, and a few kids are in the picture.

7. Are you doing work that matters? Do you believe in it? Should you believe in it?

Boomers and Millennials especially sometimes find themselves at a disconnect when it comes to career choices.

And it seems whether or not you should have purpose and meaning in your career is at the heart of the debate.

Personally, I believe it should matter that you want your work to matter. ( tweet that )

For many twentysomethings, they are more focused on finding a job filled with purpose and passsion, than a healthy paycheck.

As a recent Barna study on Millennials states: “When it comes to work and career, more than anything this generation wants to be inspired. Finding a job they are passionate about is the career priority Millennials ranked highest.”

For me personally, doing something that makes an impact in a meaningful way was a number one priority for me. It was a non-negotiable. And it’s compelled me to make hard choices away from comfort and job security. It’s led me through seasons of unemployment and utter leanness. And it’s meant a lot of early mornings and late nights working at a dream, before I went and worked at my work.

This path towards meaning has not been easy, but I love where it’s led me.

8. Do you even want a career?

Career sounds stuffy and inescapable like getting lost in the back of your Aunt Martha’s closet.

The world is flat now with the ability to work anywhere, on anything, at anytime. I’m not sure the standard ideas and concepts behind a linear career are completely relevant any longer.

I don’t think our generation wants to climb the ladder. Our generation wants swim from island to island, picking up necessary skills as we travel towards our destination.

Right now take the time to answer a few of these questions. I promise it’s worth the time. Be intentional about your career and watch the doors begin to open.

And I’d love to give you feedback on at least one of your answers in the comments section below. Click the “comments” link directly below this line if you’re reading this via email and I will respond to each person.

Related posts:
How to Find Your Career: Interview with Marc Luber of Careers Out There
Why Gen Y Will Not Have a Career
5 Career Lessons from Sesame Street

5 Myths About Marriage

We all have myths we believe about marriage.

Marriage is like driving a car. Even if you’re in the front seat, doesn’t mean you understand what’s going on under the hood.

But many times it’s the myths about marriage that mess marriage up before it even happens.

If you can de-construct these myths about marriage, it will help you make a wiser choice on whom to marry and do marriage better once you say “I Do.”

Myth #1 – Marriage is Work

There’s a lot of “marriage is work” talk being thrown around these days. Sure, marriage is not simple. But be careful believing marriage is work. This feels to me like marriage is this 8-5 drudgery where every day you’re punching your time card. Because for most of us we can’t wait to leave work.

Metaphors are powerful. Be careful what you’re comparing your marriage to because that very well might dictate your marriage.

You will have to work at elements of your marriage, but marriage is not work. (click to tweet that)

Marriage is play. Marriage is an adventure. Marriage is a partnership. Marriage is a creative incubator.

Create marriage metaphors that bring life, not drudgery. Whether your dating or married, what do you want your relationship metaphor to be?

Marriage is the metaphor that you make it. (click to tweet that)

Myth #2 – Your Spouse is your Best Friend

Don’t force your spouse to be your best friend.

Yes, I do believe your spouse should be the closest friend you’ve ever had. If friendship isn’t your foundation, when those first waves hit, your relationship’s sexy wall décor will be floating out to sea.

Yet, many of us are determined to make our spouse our best friend, which really means trying to mold and mash our spouse into acting the way we think a best friend should be.

Keep your best friends your best friends. Make the friendship with your spouse into an elite category of its own. Not solely based on your perspective and previous experience, but on what works for both of you.

Stop trying to re-print with your partner what you think a best friend looks like and start painting a new picture together.

“Your wife might not tell jokes like your college roommate did. Your husband might not talk for hours into the night like your best friend from home. That’s all right. Like drinking wine or a cup of coffee, they both might taste delicious, but each will have an entirely different flavor.” – 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

Bonus Secret About Marriage: You only get weirder as you get older. If you can’t stand each other’s quirks now, you’ll be sleeping in different rooms later.

Myth #3 – Marriage Completes You

If you’re looking for a relationship to complete you, you will consistently feel very lacking.

Your spouse is not God, magic genie, or unicorn with wish-granting abilities. Your spouse is human.

If you’re putting unrealistic mythical expectations on your relationship, it might end up more Greek tragedy than romantic comedy.

A good relationship should not complete you; it should inspire and challenge you to work on filling in the cracks on a daily basis.

My wife can’t complete me and I don’t put that heavy expectation on her. But my wife does give me the encouragement and strength to strive to be better. Every day.

My wife gives me complete peace while I continually work on my incompleteness.

Bonus Dating Tip: As I wrote in 9 Questions Every Twentysomething Should Ask When Dating, “is the person you’re dating like a magnet trying to bring the best of you to the surface? Or are they trying to bury you under a pile of dirt? A spouse should be like a proficient gold miner, able to go beyond the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.”

Myth #4 – Whom you choose to marry is the most important choice you’ll ever make.

Choosing your spouse is extremely important. Choosing your spouse every day after the wedding is even more so.

There are so many moments throughout the day when you have a choice to choose your spouse. Or not.

When you have a computer in front of you. When you start flirting with that co-worker. When you just consistently choose to stay at work a little later every night.

Love is more an intentional choice than a tingly feeling. ( click to tweet )

Marriages don’t fall apart because of one big compromise. They fall apart due to a thousand small ones. Like a windshield crack, the longer you drive on without addressing the issue, the more shattered your relationship will become.

Bonus Relationship Question: Do the fights in your relationship have a point? Or are they just jaggedly pointed, jabbing each other over and over in the same tender spot? Stop focusing on the weeds on the surface and start digging up and removing the real problems.

Myth #5 – Marriage is a One-Time Thing

One of my mentors loves saying that he’s been married seven times to the same woman.

I never understood what he meant when I was single. Now, I get it.

Marriage is not static.  It’s not a one-size fits all pair of jeans that will always wear the exact same. Your relationship will change because people change.

In marriage, you have to be willing to re-adjust and re-commit to new seasons. Sometimes that change is screaming in your face (aka a newborn). And sometimes the change is more subtle and nuanced. It could be a promotion, a death, new life, or a new city.

We have to adapt and grow as people, and so do our relationships.

The conditions in your marriage may change, but your commitment should not.

Related posts:
How to Handle Money in your Marriage
Three Keys to a Kick-Ass Marriage with Marcy the Matchmaker
4 Objections to Early Marriage (and Why I am Glad I Did it Anyway)

25 Things Every Young Professional Should Know by Age 25

Today I’m honored to have a guest post from my friend Danny Rubin, the creator and writer of News To Live By, a blog for Millennials that highlights the career advice “hidden” in the day’s top stories. Thanks Danny for gracing all us Groan Ups with your sage advice today! 

 

#1. It’s spelled definitely, not definately.

Yes, it sounds like an ‘a,’ but the fact remains: the word is spelled with an ‘i.’

While on the subject of writing, here are several other words we should expunge.

Amazing (since we use it for every scenario, it’s lost all meaning)


Ridiculous (replace with words like ‘unbelievable’ or ‘incredible’)


Very (can always remove ‘very’ before the adjective; adds very little to the sentenceIn order (don’t need ‘in order’ as in ‘I wrote this sentence in order to prove a point’)


That (the greatest space-filler of them all; the classic word that you almost never need)

#2. A cover letter should add color and personality. It should not summarize your resume.

Want to really impress an HR manager? Start your cover letter with a story that showcases your personality and – above all – relates directly to the job you want.

Scenario: you apply to be a middle school teacher as your second job out of college (remember, you are 25). You want to prove you can handle a classroom of rambunctious 13 year olds.

You kick off the cover letter like so:

“The sirens were deafening, and I could tell the kids were scared.

Right then, I knew what I had to do: make sure all the children were ushered to a sturdy part of the school in an orderly fashion. We had little time, and I needed to act fast.

I had never experienced a tornado firsthand, but I had the proper training and knew if I stayed calm, we would all get through it safely.”

Boom.

You immediately begin with a unique story. It’s dramatic, demonstrates courage under fire and shows – not tells – why you have what it takes.

#3. You are never too busy to write a thank-you note.

Looking to take your game to the next level?

Send a thank-you note to a friend or co-worker just because they did something really great for you. If you feel inspired, write it by hand or toss in a Starbucks gift card. Because the gesture is random, it will make a person’s day.

#4. Don’t step into an interview room without research on the company and questions for the employer.

Before you walk into the job interview, ask yourself: am I ready?

Until you have solid intel on the employer and meaningful questions prepared, you are not.

What are meaningful questions for an employer who works in, say, marketing?

“I read your bio and noticed you started your career in marketing with Ringling Brothers circus. What was that like?”


“I keep reading about how ‘big data’ is the future of marketing. What’s your thought on how media firms should take advantage of all the new information out there?”


What do clients find most valuable today? What services are they most interested in?”

The goal is to turn an interview into a conversation. Prove you are an equal and ready to ‘talk shop’ about the business.

#5. Under-promise. Over-deliver.

In the business world, anyone can talk a big game. Don’t set the bar too high by guaranteeing mind-blowing work.

It’s far better to surprise people with a terrific end-product they did not expect.

Then they will say, “You really went above and beyond.” Well, you only went ‘above and beyond’ because you didn’t promise the world from the get-go.

—

There was too much ridiculously amazing incredible advice for one blog post, so if you want the complete “25 Things Every Young Professional Should Know by Age 25” list visit News To Live By and download a FREE copy of the entire ebook!

Danny Rubin is the creator and writer of News To Live By. Don’t simply read the news; use it to get better. Follow Danny on Twitter @newstoliveby.

 

Related posts:
How to Find Your Career: Interview with Marc Luber of Careers Out There
Abe Lincoln Visited Me in my Office! And He Told Me This…
How to Make Your Resume Sizzle

Are You Making Success Impossible? (seven habits that might be holding you back)

Do you want to be that co-worker?

You know the one.

Who gave up caring about their work 15 years ago, but has become that boulder in the office – unmovable and ready to crush you with one wrong look.

How did they get there and how do you avoid a similar fate?

How do you become one of those weird wild people who actually enjoy their work? How do you live a life of success?

Well, if you’re stuck in one of these seven habits below, you are probably holding yourself back.

 
1. Not Caring Just Enough

Not caring just enough allows you to stay safe. It allows you to stay pretty and put together, instead of risking the mess that comes from going all out.

Sacrifice is messy. Vulnerability means leaving yourself open to having your hope dashed. It’s easy to keep your clothes clean if you’re never willing to dive for the catch.

Like running across cracking ice to save your kid, when pursuing your dream safety cannot be your top priority.

To guarantee un-success always have one foot in, one foot out. Then when the storm hits too hard you can jump back into the cozy cabin instead of learning how to ride the waves.

2. Being a Critic and a Cynic

Cynics topple new ideas like a 2-year-old stacking blocks.

Cynicism is a great tool to make sure you don’t care just enough. If you can find and focus on the faults, cracks, and crap of life, then you’re bound to never really create anything really worth creating. You’ll be able to pick the idea apart before you can even start.

3. Calling your Dream a Hobby

Calling your dream a “hobby” is the perfect strategy if you never want to achieve it. (click to tweet that)

When you call your dream a hobby you’re telling your friends, family, and most importantly yourself, that you’re really not in this for keeps. No, you’re just dabbling like a teenager who takes up guitar for three months before he moves onto Xbox.

4. Pursuing your “Hobby” in Isolation

If you pursue your dream in complete isolation it will be easier to give up.

Letting people in on your dream forces you to be accountable to it. (click to tweet)

If no one knows where you’re going, it’s easier to stop walking altogether. But if you tell a few trusted people about your destination, they might ask how they can help and if you’ve arrived.

5. Watching Elephant-Sized-Butt-Loads of TV

Don’t underestimate the profound effect a good 2-3 hours of real, fake, TV can have in reaching a life of Un-Success. Becoming obsessed with other people’s real, fake, scripted lives is a great way to not have to live your own.

6. Never Failing

The best way to have Almost-Success is to have numerous Almost-Failures. That way when things begin to look bleak, you can retreat instead of making a stand.

Mitigate risk and you mitigate success as well.

7. Never Helping Others be Successful

People who lack success in their own lives usually never help any one else with theirs.  Instead of helping others push through obstacles, they’ve become used to throwing more in their way.

When you help others succeed there’s this strange effect where you’re paid back somehow. Not because you asked for it, but because when you help others, they want to help you in return.

Plus when you help others succeed, you’re learning strategies on how to replicate it in your own life. The further and farther your friends go, the further and farther you’ll go with them.

Make the impossible feel possible. Success is too hard to grasp without letting these habits get in the way.

I would love to hear from you in the comments below: Do you relate to any of the unsuccessful tips? What one thing is holding you back from success? 

Related posts:
7 Habits of Highly Miserable Twenty-Somethings
The Secret to Overnight Success
Success in Two Simple Words

23 and 1/2 Truths You Won’t Hear At College Graduation

1.  Sometimes the best advice you can take is none at all.

A stellar first point from someone trying to give you 23.5 pieces of advice. But…

Wisdom is knowing the difference between someone offering you wisdom, and someone offering you their own insecurities packaged as sound advice.

Taking advice from an insecure person is like taking driving lessons from a seven-year-old. Don’t let them get behind the wheel.

2.  In a successful career, likeability and hard work trump talent any day. Yet, likeability and hard work plus talent is like a racehorse racing a racetrack. I’d bet on you.

Yet, the more talented you are and the harder you work, the harder those who don’t work hard will work hard against you. So a heads up on that.

3.  When you find yourself opening the fridge after 8:23 pm, ask yourself these five questions:

- Am I thirsty?

- Am I tired?

- Am I bored?

- Am I anxious?

- Maybe I’m not hungry after-all?

4.  Leave graduation with a book in hand instead of a drink. Devour more books after college than tacos at Taco Tuesday. One of the smartest purchases I made out of college was a Kindle. Graduation makes it seem like your education has reached its pinnacle, when you have your whole life to make that climb.

Need some ideas on what to read? I’ve heard this book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties is possibly the best one out there. Since books began. And that the author smells of exotic tulips and deep words. For other options here are the top 21 books for twentysomethings.

Stay a hungry, humble learner. The most important thing you can know when you leave college is how much you don’t. (click to tweet that)

5.  If you start a sentence with “I probably shouldn’t…”, you really probably shouldn’t. So don’t.

6.  Your friends don’t actually care what you do with your life. Sounds harsh. It is. But it’s also not. It’s incredibly freeing. Like sitting in a cage that’s not one. Kill Obsessive Comparison Disorder before it starts. Live for you. Not them. Unless they have some killer ideas. Then maybe you should look into it.

7.  Ross (or any glorified thrift shop equivalent) is now your best friend. Because you can’t really afford business clothes and at Ross you really can dress for less.

8.  Our success will hinge on our ability to DOA.

No, not be Dead On Arrival.

Define Our Anxiety.

When I’m feeling anxious. Which happens slightly more than always. I can’t tell you how important it is for me to stop, think, and define my anxiety. Anxiety is like a lion. You don’t see it until it’s all up on you.

If you can enter into your anxiety, you can then find the way out. Don’t let ambiguous anxiety define you. Define it.

8 and 1/2 –  Calling in early for a phone interview does not make you punctual. It makes you annoying.

9.  After college you have, by overflowing buckets, the most important resource you’ll ever have or need to be successful. Time. Use it strategically. Wasted free time is very expensive.

10.  Become fail-proof. How? It’s simple. Fail over and over without ever calling yourself a failure. Like Chinese food purchased at a strip mall, the longer you keep re-living your failures, the more it’s going to make you sick.

11.  You don’t become legendary chasing after a sure-thing. (tweet that?)

12.  Watch out for Reality Checkers. Who are they? The pleasant people who love giving you reality checks like they’re a hockey player whose job is to slam you up against the wall.

“Reality Checkers want you to believe that your plans will fail. And you know what, they’re probably right. But the point of life is NOT to not fail.” – 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

13.  Taking yourself too seriously is a seriously un-fun way to live. So lighten up a little, dammit!

14.  Don’t chase your dreams.

Seriously. Don’t chase your dreams, grow them. Plant your dream in good ground. Get up early and water it. Every day. Let your dream grow roots. Pursuing your dreams isn’t mythical, it’s methodic. (tweet that?)

15.  If you give someone one specific, meaningful compliment before asking them to do you a favor, you’re doing yourself a huge favor.

16.  You are unique and gifted and full of purpose. There’s this fun little trend going on to bash the uniqueness out of you. Some will treat you like you should be put under fluorescent lights, in a tiny cubicle, on an assembly line, putting together fluorescent lights for tiny cubicles.

Sure some of us haven’t applied our uniqueness in very humble, intelligent, or unique ways. And yes, crappy jobs are a twentysomething rite of passage. Yet, do not be sorry for not being apologetic that you want your life to mean something. Optimism is not a character flaw. Hope is not naïve.

You are unique. Find me another you. I dare you.

17.  If you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, stop looking.

“Stop looking for the right person and focus on becoming the right person. Sure that doesn’t mean you close your eyes while walking around the grocery store or that you’ll ever be a completely healthy person ready for a relationship. However, right attracts right. And the more right you are, the more right your relationship will be.”

- 101 Secrets For Your Twenties

18.  Live like you owe the world, not like the world owes you. (tweet that)

19.  Commit. To something. And a new TV show doesn’t count. Commit to a job, a dream, a relationship, a cause, a place. Pick one thing that gets you excited and commit to build it. Promise me you’ll commit to commit to something.

20.  Success in your twenties is about showing up, doing good work, consistency, perseverance, humility, and many other unsexy words that won’t make it in the Twentysomething Hallmark Collection. Being successful in your 20s is about being purposeful in the process.

21.  You made a mistake? Say you’re sorry. Own it. Wear it. Apologize for it. Learn from it. Move forward. Being vulnerable enough to admit you screwed up takes courage. And people will like and respect you all the more for it. People forgive mistakes. They struggle to forgive people who continually make mistakes and then act like they’ve never made one.

22.  Sing loudly. Dance full-throttle. Go on an adventure. And live un-apologetically big.

23.  If you want to do something big in this life, surround yourself with some B.A.D people (Bad-Ass-Dreamers). (tweet that one at your own risk)

If the people you surround yourself with don’t bring you life, how are you going to really live?

Related posts:
5 real truths nobody will ever tell you about following your dreams
4 Things College Taught Gen Y that we Must UnLearn
The 7 worst tips to give a recent college graduate