Paul Angone's Blog, page 14

Watch the All Groan Up Book Trailer (Premiere)

Watch the All Groan Up book trailer and be inspired in 121 seconds!  Enjoy and share.

All Groan Up: Searching For Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job! (Zondervan) is for our generation full of potential, yet struggling to find our purpose and path.

In what early reviews are calling “risky, hopeful, and wicked funny,” All Groan Up explodes the lies holding us back and gives inspiration, insight, and hope that you can live an extraordinary life.

Order it Now: Amazon | Barnes and Noble  

Learn More at: All Groan Up: Searching For Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job!

Video Credits: Filmed in Portland, Oregon by Matt Gromley | Directed by Justin Zoradi, Founder of These Numbers Have Faces | Starring the beautiful Trisha Zoradi, and the slightly less beautiful Paul Angone

I Wish I Knew This One Thing in my 20s

In the movie “The Words” starring Bradley Cooper, he’s in his twenties and his dream is to become an author. So he works long, painful hours late at night on his passion project, a book.

After years of writing and working, he submits the manuscript to agents and the rejection letters begin to trickle in. Some agents read it and think it’s well done, but he still can’t get anyone to take a chance on him (to say I could relate to this movie would be an understatement).

So one day, he ends up stumbling across a manuscript someone else wrote stuffed in an old briefcase. He then plays it off as his own writing and gets the book published, which becomes an international best-seller.

For the rest of the movie he’s then plagued with anxiety and an overwhelming ache because people praise him for words that were never his.

He took the shortcut, and it nearly kills him and all his relationships because of it.

If Only I Knew Now… 

How many times in my twenties did I pray for that shortcut to magically appear. Not an unethical one, but just a clearer, quicker path to reach my dreams.

I mean, no one yearns for life to be incredibly hard. No one cries out to God “to be blessed” with incredibly difficult trials that will stretch and pull you until you feel like breaking.

No, for most my twenties I was crying out to God, “Can you throw me a freakin’ bone here!”

But as I look back on my twenties, and especially the ten years it took me to see my new book come to life, I wish I could’ve realized this one thing:

The worst thing that could’ve happened to me in my twenties would’ve been if the road to get here was easier.

My skill set would be so anemic if my dreams would’ve worked out as seamlessly as I hoped.

Instead I was forced to work harder. To study longer. To strategize, hustle, struggle, and grow.

I wanted to write a book and have it become an instant hit. Instead, I had to write around 2,000 pages to find the real story I needed to tell within 200 pages.

I was forced to learn skills like blogging, social media, web programming, web design, networking, etc. If things would’ve worked out like I planned, then I wouldn’t possess ninety percent of the skills I now use every day.

If you have to hike the long road up the mountain over and over again, your legs are going to be much stronger than if you took a helicopter to get to the top. And then what amazing intricacies and views would we have missed if we never had to struggle up the trail.

One-hit wonders only have one hit because they are smacked in the face by success, and have never built the strength it took to sustain it.

Praise God our twenties are hard. It’s because of the struggle, not in spite of it, that we will find real success.

That sentence might sound crazy, but I promise it’s the truth.

When the way you thought you should go is blocked, you have to learn to try new ways you didn’t know existed.

Like Bradley Cooper’s character in “The Words,” the shortcut might end up being the longest, most painful path you could ever take.

I’d love to hear from you within the comments on this article: 

What’s something you wish you knew earlier in your twenties? 

Join the All Groan Up Launch Team and receive five unique opportunities

Sometimes the most scary part about chasing a dream is when it actually comes true!

At least that’s how I feel right now.

If you missed the BIG NEWS, in less than a month my new book All Groan Up: Searching for Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job! (Zondervan) will be released wherever books are sold. It’s even been picked up by the national retailer Sam’s Club already, which is amazing!

I didn’t know if I should go with the author looking photo, or the I’m writing this at 2am mad scientist look. What do you think?

And after working at this book for ten years, to see it finally happen, I feel ecstatic…and slightly mortified.

Launching a book feels like such an overwhelming process.

I want to honor the trust of my publisher investing in me and this book, (especially since many publishers believe that twentysomethings don’t buy books. Let’s prove them wrong!).

But even more importantly, I want to see this book encourage as many people as possible.

It’s been a decade long journey to see this book happen and the only thing that kept me going was an unbreakable belief that this book will speak hope, truth, and life to our generation.

I believe this book offers a collective sigh of relief, some much needed guffaws as we laugh through our shared pains, and inspiration that you’re not alone in this twentysomething struggle.

This community here at All Groan Up has been such a faithful, encouraging support to me for years. THANK YOU. I need your help more than ever. As little or as much as you are able. I’ll be leaning on you.

One way to help is to apply for the All Groan Up Launch Team to be a part of this exciting adventure with me.

Fill out this simple form if you’d like to apply.

We can only take 50-75 people, so get the form in as soon as possible. With the book releasing in less than four weeks, the deadline to apply is the end of the day this Saturday, 3/28.

Here are the benefits of being on the team: 

A free book (either print or ebook) sent to you
Behind-the-scenes look at launching a book
I will host an exclusive conference call for launch team members to answer any and all questions you want to ask about the publishing process and getting a book deal.
A private Facebook Group to network with other influencers on the launch team, as well as myself. The contacts and conversation there will be awesome!
When you leave a review at your website, I will link back to you from All Groan Up for some link love.

As a member of the launch team, you help spread the word about the book with a review on your website and Amazon/Goodreads, through your social media channels, and then of course, train a team of carrier pigeons to sprinkle pieces of paper with All Groan Up across your town or county, etc).

There will be plenty of instruction and optional pre-made materials to make sharing as easy as possible for you. Again here is the link to apply for the launch team. Fill it out soon before the spots fill up.

Let’s Launch This

I can’t wait to introduce this baby to the world and I’m so incredibly honored by your support. Successfully launching a book is not possible without a team of amazing Groan Ups like you!

Much love,

Paul Angone

 

I can’t believe this is really happening…

I have some exciting news!

And it’s taken ten years to see this day finally come.

Today I announce the book that started this entire All Groan Up journey for me releases next month, April 21st with an amazing publisher Zondervan.

I present to you my new book All Groan Up: Searching for Self, Faith, and a Freaking Job!

Why Should You Care?

I’m more open and honest in this book than anything I’ve ever written before, sharing the inside story of my struggle, disappointment, hilarity, confusion, and loneliness of the journey into and through adulthood.

Most of what I’ve written in this book I’ve only ever talked about with a few close friends.

I invite you into a story where I ask the big questions we’re all wondering, but maybe are afraid to ask out loud – all with ample amounts of humor, hope, and juicy candidness mixed in-between.

Like when I tell the unbelievable story of how I met my wife and how love can come at our worst moment, yet still at the best possible time.

Or the story of when a wildfire barreled down towards my house and what happened next put me on the 10:00 o’clock news.

All Groan Up is my heart. But I believe it’s also our story. The shared story of all of us who are searching for self, faith, and a freaking job! And I cross-my-heart-hope-to-die think you’re going to love it.

But don’t take my word for it. I’m biased! Here’s what some early reader reviews and endorsers have to say about All Groan Up:

“I can’t read this book in the library, bookstore or coffee shop because people might think I am going through a psychotic episode of laughing out loud! … This book is a breath of fresh air for 20somethings out there to know that they are not alone in the fight for an extraordinary life.” – Olayinka

“ Powerful, honest, heartfelt, and hilarious, this book is a must-read for anyone struggling to feel at home in their “groan-up” pants. If you’re a twentysomething, or if you want to help a twenty-something, you need this book.” – Megan Alexander, TV correspondent, Inside Edition

“Paul delivers each chapter with a witty sense of humor and more importantly with heart, soul and honesty. This is not a “how to” book nor is it about the search for “perfection”. More profoundly its about relatability and unity for a generation building their own yellow brick road, instead of just following it.” – Esther

All Groan Up is about when you fail at your dream, which leads you to your purpose. When you learn that God’s grace doesn’t need your achievements to be real.

The only reason I was able to push through ten years of failures dead-ends, and do-overs to see this book finally happen is because I so passionately believe in the hope and truth it offers.

Pre-order the book now and receive exclusive access to me and bonuses worth over $250…

The book comes out in a little over a month and honestly, I need your help.

If you’ve gotten any encouragement, hope, or inspiration from this community here at All Groan Up, I’m asking you to pre-order the book and tell friends (or strangers) to do the same.

And if you pre-order the book right now, you get the entire ebook immediately!

The whole book. Right now. Before it hits shelves in another month.

Pre-ordering the book is a huge deal for the success of the book because this encourages book-sellers like Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and retailers like Sam’s Club (who have already agreed to sell the book! Big deal!) to order more copies of the book before the day it releases.

Pre-order the book at Amazon
Pre-order the book at Barnes and Noble

Pre-order the book at any of these locations and then go to the All Groan Up Book Page and enter your email to download the entire ebook.

Also if you pre-order the book, I’ll also be giving you too many other bonuses to list worth over $250, like…

Exclusive access to me
Never before seen conversations I’ve been filming with world changers, entrepeneurs, and business leaders
Plus a few more surprises that I’ll be revealing in the next few weeks

Thank you friends for your support and encouragement. Thank you for being a part of this authentic community. Thank you for joining with me to talk about the struggle and confusion of figuring out life beyond status updates.

Thank you for being All Groan Up.

7 Gigantic Pitfalls to Avoid in Your 20s

There are so many well-hidden suckholes that can stop all momentum, growth, and success in your twenties.

And you can fall into one of these pitfalls without even realizing it, and then stay stuck well into your 30s, 40s, 50s…you get where I’m going…

Now that I’ve successfully freaked us all out, lets talk about these pitfalls and how we avoid them.

 

Pitfall #1: My Circumstances are “Who I Am” 

If you start believing “well this is my lot in life and I can’t do anything about it,” then you are more than stuck.

Really this pitfall makes all other pitfalls nonexistent because you never walk far enough forward to even have a chance at failing at anything else.

Don’t be cemented in your circumstances. They change all the time.

We all have crappy subplots we need to work through. Don’t let them become your main story.

It’s really hard to step into your future if you don’t believe you have one. (click to tweet that)

Pitfall #2: Settling

Too many people date like they’re in the grocery aisle, grabbing a last second Snickers Bar because they’re hungry, so why wait?

Too many people are letting their careers pick them, instead of working with grit and determination to pick their career.

Too many people are settling in Sucksville because they don’t believe they can leave town.

Now, I do think for many of us we have to settle for certain seasons without settling completely. That’s different. That’s strategic settling for a season.

I know for me personally, there were many times I had to do jobs that weren’t my dream because I was working on my dream on the side.

Your twenties set the course for the rest of your life. If you start settling for a life that’s a “3 out of 10” now, it might not magically become better later.

Pitfall #3 Becoming a Double A-Hole (Someone who Analyzes without Action)

Yes we need to do the tough work of inner-work, but we can’t perpetually analyze our lives without any action to move us forward.

There’s such a glut of information at our fingertips these days, it’s hard to pick a restaurant, church, gym, or first date without feeling like you’re missing out.

Don’t be wrecked by research.

Do your homework and then choose to make a choice. Then move forward in that choice.

Pitfall #4: Never Committing to Anything

Find something you enjoy, that gives you life, and commit to it. It doesn’t have to be what you want to do for the rest of your life, to give a little of your life to it.

Your twenties are about what you plant in the ground, not about what you harvest. (click to tweet that)

We can’t keep pulling our seeds out of the dirt before it has time to grow.

Pitfall #5: Becoming Bitter, Instead of Better

You might be feeling good about life. Maybe you’re even at the grocery store, with an actual list, buying things like kale and argula!

You’re crushing this whole adulthood thing.

And then you jump into the line at the checkout and start checking out Facebook or Instagram, with the Glaring AMAZINGNESS of all your friends buying a new BMW, having a new baby, traveling to Istanbul to take pictures for American Express, and suddenly you want to replace your kale with a box of wine.

Obsessive Comparison Disorder has a way of heightening any discontent to “I only want to drink wine from a box” levels.

Don’t become bitter. Become better. Don’t smack yourself with some yardstick you’re not measuring up to.

You do you.

Pitfall #6: Doing Life Alone

We are made for community. We thrive in relationships. Your friends are struggling right next to you to find their purpose and place.

Call a friend. Be honest about what you’re going through. Seek out mentors. Ask them to coffee. Call your mom. Find a counselor if you feel you need one.

Don’t do twentysomething life alone.

No matter how amazing we’re making our Facebook profiles look, we all have the same smelly stuff in our toilets.

Pitfall #7: Failing to Clarify Your Signature Sauce

I believe you have a Signature Sauce – a unique mix of ingredients that gives the world a flavor that no one else can.

No, I’m not talking about some sort of magical marinara.

I believe that defining, refining, owning, and honing who you are, your unique tailor-made-ness, your personal Signature Sauce, is the absolute most important thing you can accomplish in your twenties. It’s the key to not only finding your passion, but living it for the rest of your life.

Don’t expect anyone to hire you for your passion if you can’t explain what it is. 

As Danny Rubin wrote at News to Live By, “Success in our 20s is the ability to exit the decade with a clearer sense of purpose.”

The people who are the most successful know who they are, what they believe, and why they are pursuing what they’re pursuing.

Successful people build a plan that is propelled by their purpose.

And when the details of the plan change, it’s not as devastating because their innate purpose stays intact.

And don’t get me wrong, this discovery process is not always simple and straight-forward.

This is why behind-the-scenes I’m working on something to help us figure this out. More on that soon…

You have a unique signature sauce that the world needs.

It just might take some time, strategy and intentionality to figure out what it is.

I’d love to hear your thoughts within the comments on this article: 

Have you ever been stuck in one of these pitfalls? 

Should You Choose a Life of Meaning or a Life of Money?

Should you choose living with passion and purpose, or stability and security?

Do you go for the career path that pays, or the career path that has more meaning?

Or do these two options have to be mutually exclusive?

Our first email from a reader in the ASK PAUL series tackled the five things you should do before you quit your job. Now check out Debbie’s question and my answer below about something I know many of us wrestle with – purpose or profit? 

Is it acceptable that I want to go to a job where I’ll be happier and feel more fulfilled, but for less money? As I write that, it sounds silly, but there are so many people and LinkedIn articles that talk about how changing jobs is your biggest opportunity for a pay raise, etc. and the selfish part of me wants to make as much money as possible (cough, student loans, cough).

Do you have any words of wisdom or guidance on how to handle this big transition- resisting the money, and going for the happy?

Thanks!

Debbie

My Answer:

Well first of all, you are talking to the guy who quit his comfortable job in marketing to go down a crazy career path of writing, speaking, and offering truth, hope, and hilarity for a living. So you probably know where I stand on the issue.

However, I know we all fight the battle of purpose vs profit. Even me! (who am I kidding… especially me…).

The fear of a lack of money while pursuing something you’re passionate about is very real. For me it comes in many ways. One, I’m still paying student loans! (double cough with a little flem) Then as well, now I have two kids. The question, and reality of the answer, has gotten really real.

But your question, and especially the way you asked it, really intrigues me.

“Is it “acceptable” that I want to go to a job where I’ll be happier and feel more fulfilled but for less money –”

Very interesting you asked is it “acceptable.”

Not is it “wise”. Not is it “foolish.” Is it “right” or is it “wrong”. No, is it acceptable.

I think that right there says a lot about the thought process and fears many of us face when battling the same career path of passion vs stability –  If I choose to go off the beaten career path — “what will people think of me?”

Will my parents, my friends, my current co-workers who talk behind my back about my decision (and they will), will they think I’m crazy?

And the answer is — maybe.

But then my question is — should we let the perceived reactions and the insecurities of others dictate our future and what we know in our heart is right? 

Because I can hear your heart in this email.

And I have even better news. I think in the long-run if you choose a more purpose-full path, you will make more money! Lots more!

When you choose a career path you’re passionate about I don’t think you’re turning away from making money, you are putting in an investment to make your future returns even higher. In every way.

As you engage in work that more aligns with who you are, you will do better work with more energy and creativity.

You will have a higher ceiling for profit and growth because your engagement levels will be so much greater.

Then on another basic, practical level (because I know those loan payments don’t just magically go away) if you are offered this other job and if your current company tries to get you to stay with more money, I say take that info back to your new job offer and say “Hey, here’s what my current company is offering me. Can you match that?” (or word it however you feel is best).

It doesn’t have to feel like hard-nosed negotiation tactic, but just a “hey this is my reality. Can you make this choice even easier for me.”

Thanks Debbie. Hope this helps!

Choose purpose or profit? Why not both? 

(If you have something specific you want to receive input on, please reach out to me at the All Groan Up contact page. I’d love to hear from you and I’d love to help!)

Before You Quit Your Job, Do These Five Things

One of my greatest honors is receiving emails from you with questions, concerns, and compliments (I especially love those compliments

Seriously, I love hearing from you and what you’re really going through, and then doing my best to provide as much insight as I can.

So I’m going to start doing a periodic series called ASK PAUL, where I basically take a real life question one of you have sent me (with your permission) and then answer it here at All Groan Up. If you have something specific you want to receive input on, please reach out to me at the All Groan Up contact page and I might feature it on All Groan Up along with my response.

The first installment of ASK PAUL revolves around a question many of you have asked me recently – when should I quit my job? Specifically, Callie reached out with her story below and my response follows after (with a few additions).

Hi Paul, 

I recently read your “The Lure of the Comfortable Job” article and it really resonated with me. I just accepted a comfortable job and fear I’ve made a big mistake. I’ve been applying for new positions elsewhere, but I was so eager for a change that I accepted an internal promotion that I’m less than thrilled about.

My parents and family encouraged me to take it for the pay increase (I live in Washington, DC and life here can be fairly $$), but when I accepted the offer, I began to panic. Pressured by the lure of the comfortable, I fear I’ve jumped into something I don’t really want way too fast.

I worry about missing out on new experiences and staying at my company too long for the stability.Do you think it is worth sticking around to see if the new role is something I enjoy? Or would it be best to jump ship right away?

My response: 

Hey Callie! Thanks so much for the kind message and sharing your story. Definitely can relate big time!

Promotions are scary, right?! Getting deeper into a job you don’t really want in the first place can feel sickening. But I think the key here is trying not to see it as too black/white i.e. quitting right away vs sticking it out. I know a crappy job can feel like quicksand, but if you try to to frantically leave too quickly, you might get sucked in even deeper.

So before you quit your job, I say do these five things first:

Photo Credit: fabianmohr via Compfight cc

1. In your current job try to find 1-3 challenging aspects you really enjoy and do your best to tailor projects, volunteer for extra responsibilities, and hone your position to do more of those things you love.

Grow your skill set as much as you can in that area so that your resume and experience can be strong when you apply to different jobs that need that same skill. Leverage what you enjoy doing so that you can do even more of that in your next job.

2. If someone you’re working around is really doing the job you’d love, then buddy up to that person, ask them questions about the amazing work they’re doing, and learn as much as you can from them.

Get real on the job training while still doing your job. Now, you might have to do this with some strategic tact so that you 1. Don’t freak this person out. And 2. Still do your job well. But I think this is a great way to learn about a different skill set from someone in your office who is probably more than happy to talk about what they do well.

3. Network like crazy with people outside of work too.

Too many people make the mistake of trying to network with people when they’re unemployed. That’s the worst time to network. People can smell the desperation on you and know that no matter how you’re positioning your “Informational Interview” that you’re really trying to sweeten them up for a job.

The best time to network to find a job is while you still have one.

Make it a goal to reach out to at least 1-2 people a week. Influencers, alumni from a school your graduated from, your parent’s friends, etc. I wrote about how to effectively reach out to these people, through social media and email, in this article 4 Sizzling Strategies to Land Your Dream Job. Check it out.

Your dream job will come through a person 100% more likely than it will come through a website.

4. Figure out what you really want. It’s tough to look for your dream job when you have no idea what you’re looking for. 

If you’re looking for a place to start figuring it out, answer the 11 Questions Every Twentysomething Should Ask and then 8 Questions Every Twentysomething Should Ask About Their Career.

5. Start pursuing a side-hustle i.e. something you’re super passionate about and are willing to get up at 5 am or stay up to 1 a.m to spend a few hours hammering away at before or after work.

Pursuing my side-hustle is seriously what gave me motivation at my numerous crappy jobs because I always knew this job wasn’t my reality. It was a stepping stone. A place for me to make money and build skills that were going to feed my writing/blogging/website building, which was my passion. If you work hard enough at your side-hustle it can become your full-time gig. I’m living proof of that.

Thanks again Callie! You probably weren’t expecting this much in response (and I wasn’t expecting to write this much…caught me on a good night filled with coffee and cookies…) but hopefully this helps.

Paul

(Hope you enjoyed the first ASK PAUL. Again if you have something specific you want to receive input on, please reach out to me at the All Groan Up contact page. I’d love to hear from you and I’d love to help!)

7 Tips to Engaging Millennials

So many people are talking about Millennials. Talking to Millennials. A very fine few are actually talking with us. (Bonus tip)

This article is for the parents, pastors, teachers, marketers, managers and leaders who are looking to engage, motivate, and meet this generation right where they are at in an authentic, meaningful way.

This article is also for every emerging adult who feels discouraged, diminished, and invisible — whether it be at home, in church, or in the office. (And maybe you want to covertly leave this article on the desk of the parent, manager, or pastor who is helping you feel this way).

Why am I the person to write this?

For years after college I lived the intensity, lostness, and overwhelming “what now?” of life in my twenties. The twentysomething transition process, that I can best describe as a season of breaking up with yourself, created in me the passion to help college students and twentysomethings learn the secrets to being successful in their twenties.

I’ve since written about the unique issues facing twentysomethings today for over 10 years. I’ve run AllGroanUp.com for nearly four years, writing hundreds of blogs encouraging and defining the unique struggles and problems specific to twentysomethings that have been read by millions of people in 190 countries.

I have extensively researched generational complexities in organizational settings while completing my Masters in Organizational Leadership. I speak at universities, non-profits, and businesses about issues relating to this topic. I also work individually with businesses, churches, and non-profits on how to engage, retain, motivate, and develop this next generation. Then finally I’ve written one best-selling book titled 101 Secrets For Your Twenties, and another book…(well more on that in a few weeks).

But more importantly than all of that — I’ve listened. I consider it one my greatest honors to receive emails every day from emerging adults who are calling for help, advice, and are searching for insight. And I’ve heard what they have to say.

So let’s get to it. Now what I’m going to write isn’t specific to this generation, or even true for the whole generation. But if you’re looking to engage a college student or twentysomething, here are seven strategies that I think will serve you well.

1. Stop Referring to Us So Much as “Millennials”

If you’re thinking and referring to the college students or twentysomethings in your classroom, office or home as Millennials, you’re already starting off on bad terms.

“Millennials” is marketing speak. It’s a broad-scope label, bound and gagged with so many stereotypes that it instantly puts bad tastes in everyone’s mouths.

Researchers will say Millennials are those born between 1980-2000, or 1983-2000, or 1985-1996, or…gosh who knows??

But the vast age range and the amount of change that has taken place within this span of time makes me offer a slight guffaw when trying to lump us all in together.

I was born in 1983. I made mixed tapes. I played Nintendo (and not because it was ironic). I didn’t have an email account until I was a sophomore in college. I didn’t have a cell phone until senior year of college. Yes I can remember exactly where I was when 9/11 happened, but I don’t think it became the collective generational rallying cry that events like the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, Vietnam War, Civil Rights Movement, Woodstock, elicited.

Basically the vast array and scope of events, technologies, and individual experiences that have shaped this generation are too much to contain into the newest, scathing research article that polled 1,240 “Millennials”, so is somehow going to accurately describe all 80 million of us.

So stop with all the Millennial language. And stop with all the stereotypes. If you’re going to come at us with the angle of “entitled, narcissistic, and lazy” then that’s all you’re going to see.

Instead of referring to “those Millennials,” call them (enter their first names here)

2. Relationship First. Everything else Second.

Before you spell out office protocol. Before you ask for a volunteer, a sign up, or a purchase. Before you come downstairs with your agenda. Before you lay out the “this is how we do things here…” Even before that dreaded syllabus is handed out.

Build.A.Relationship. 

Spend time with us before you try to lead us. Ask questions. Get to know our story and we will more receptively hear and understand yours.

3. Share Your Story (flaws and mistakes definitely included)

Whether you’re a pastor, a manager, a president, or a parent, I think you’d be surprised how interested the twentysomethings in your life are about your story. And not really about the successful parts.

No, they want to hear how you screwed up. How you don’t have it all figured out. How you’ve questioned, feared, and failed. They want to know what you’re currently wrestling with and the strategies you are using to overcome.

The age of the super-human leader with no flaws is dead.

Twentysomethings don’t want leaders who are super-humans, they want leaders who are super-human.

Have heart. And learn to speak from it. (tweet that)

Twentysomethings want leaders who can admit their mistakes, ask for forgiveness, confess weaknesses, can you look you in the eyes and actually talk to you beyond the latest status reports and deadlines. Beyond what your “title” at work says you deserve.

You know, an actual human.

Twentysomethings want to follow real people with real chinks in their armor who are still really moving forward.

They want someone they can trust and it’s your mistakes openly shared that become that great connecting point.

Vulnerability will beget vulnerability. Create a safe space for your college student or twentysomething to open up about their numerous fears by sharing a few of your own.

If you can’t honestly talk about your own struggle, then twentysomethings, honestly, won’t listen to your solution. 

4. Create Community and Clarity (and yes don’t skimp on the positive re-enforcement in the process)

I hear from countless twentysomethings all over the world who feel lost, confused, directionless, and most of all ALONE. I repeat, the most common phrase I hear is “I feel all alone.”

If your twentysomething (possibly living back under your roof) seems unmotivated, I’d argue it’s not stemming from laziness; it’s coming from a lack of purpose and place. They don’t know where they’re going or how they’re going to get there, and the fear, failure, and overwhelming anxiety is suffocating them.

Can you help them create a vision for their life? Can you help ask them important questions? Can you create a place where they really feel understood?

Can you create an environment that is fluid and flexible, that is more dedicated to the end goal than it is to policies, procedures, and “this is how we’ve always done things.”

As I wrote in my book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties, “The life of a twentysomething is that of a nomad. Picking up your tent and continually traveling to locate the herd and test the soil so that you can find the right place to land, the right place to call home.”

Can you create a place that feels like home? Can you create a work environment that gives a twentysomething room to grow, explore, be heard, and create?

If you make a twentysomething feel like they’re in a foreign country, they will continue to travel. (tweet that) 

If you make a twentysomething feel more isolated, they will be looking for the quickest way to escape.

And yes, they don’t want you to hold back the affirmation in the process, if it’s authentic. Twentysomethings are struggling to figure out who they are and where they fit, and they could really use some positive affirmation from you. They will respond better to positive affirmation then they will to the negative or demeaning authoritarian leader.

5. Give Twentysomethings a Place at the Adult Table (and don’t surround it with a bunch of barriers and flaming hoops of fire to jump through)

Too many twentysomethings feel like they’re still sitting at the bright orange kids table using plastic sporks, while the real adults decide the important matters.

I think a twentysomething’s biggest fear is insignificance. They want to have a role in something bigger than themselves.

Leaders, managers, parents and pastors – let twentysomethings be a part of the bigger discussion.

Be confident enough in who you are as a leader to stop minimizing who twentysomethings are as followers and future leaders.

Sure twentysomethings don’t have the experience others do, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t give valuable input based on their strengths and experiences. They see problems from a different perspective, with a different lens.

Let them be heard and they will want to stay. Don’t put a two-year-long obstacle course in front of a twentysomething for them to prove their worth before they can open their mouths. Or they will just start running a different race.

But I can hear you know – the twentysomethings in my office think they know everything and won’t shut up about it!

Yes, the twentysomethings in your office might need to learn more tact, humility and how to be better listeners. But wouldn’t you rather have employees who care enough to voice their opinions and fight for them, then the employee who really stopped working for you five years ago and causes no ripples whatsoever because they stopped jumping in the water a long time ago?

6. Practice “To The Point” Communication

My generation wants you to get to the point.

Blame it on technology. Write about those dwindling attention spans.

But I think it’s because we’ve grown up in a world where we’ve had to learn to be proficient at mega-messaging-multi-tasking.

So many headlines. So many emails. So many blogs and books. So many texts, messages, tweets, you name it. When you’re sending a twentysomething a message – whether a work email, text, or article, they are mentally putting it on top of their stack of messages to hopefully get to later. Like a Hollywood producer with a mountain of scripts on their desk, your message better be sizzling and too the point if it’s hoping to rise to the top.

And writing a verbose email is not the way to do it.

Leaving a long voicemail is not the way to do it.

Having a bunch of meetings with numerous “key stakeholders” who all dance around the topic with verbal calisthenics, all trying to one-up each other with their verbal prowess, is not the way to do it. (I’ve been in too many of these meetings!)

For twentysomethings, death by meetings is a terrible way to die.

7. Paint the Bigger Picture (and give us a brush)

In your office, home, or classroom, paint the bigger picture of where things are headed and the importance of the different steps to get there. Then let this generation grab their brush and imagine what their role could look like within it.

Give them goals and assignments placed within the context of the bigger picture. Tell the story of where your organization is headed and let the college students and twentysomethings enter into it. Let them see the purpose, impact, and importance of the work, and you’ll be surprised at the passion and purpose twentysomethings bring to their jobs, to your church, and to your home.

I’d love to hear from you within the comments section on this article.

What do you think about these seven tips for engaging this generation? 

15 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating

Is this “The ONE?”

When I was dating I remember constantly being smothered with that giant question like a bloated bear was sitting on my head, refusing to move.

That was the point of dating right? To magically stumble upon The One like finding the gold at the end of a rainbow that is being carried by a unicorn with leprechaun jockey.

But how are you supposed to know which one is the right one? How are you supposed to lasso that magical unicorn before it flies away?

With Valentines Day coming upon us, I’ve updated this earlier post to make it fifteen needed questions you need to ask you and your dating relationship.

If you want to truly have a meaningful Valentines Day, try going through these 15 crucial questions that will help you get to “I Do” instead of “What the heck am I doing?”

Original Photo by Leland Francisco

1. Do I want to become like this person?

Marriage is like rolling Play-Doh, the more two different colors are meshed together the harder it becomes to distinguish one from another.

In marriage you begin to rub off on each other, subtly taking on traits and characteristics of the other.

Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the before mentioned Play-Doh?

Yes in marriage you still are your own person. And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. But…

If you don’t want to become like the person you’re dating, should you be dating?

2. Am I attracted to this person? (and do I realize that attraction runs much deeper than looks)

One of the biggest lies of our culture is that attraction is solely about appearance. (Tweet That)

If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then The One will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory.

However, attraction runs much deeper than looks. Sure appearance might catch someone’s eye, but it’s personality, values, faith, heart, past, present, and future that’s going to make them stay.

Your petals might be beautiful, but if you don’t have any nectar then the bees are just going to fly away.

Finding your spouse attractive is much more profound than thinking they’re smoking hot.

3. Have I let physical intimacy blind me of what’s really going on underneath?

Is your physical intimacy greatly outpacing everything else?

As I wrote in 3 Things Love IS NOT, “Sex is not love.”

Sex can be a liar. It can prop up an intimacy that has no foundation to sustain it.

Letting physical intimacy run wild and free typically means the emotional, spiritual, and personality attraction is lagging behind. And unsuccessfully trying to catch up.

Sex while dating can create many awful shades of gray, when what your relationship needs is some honest black and white.

4. Do our core values and beliefs repel or compel each other?

One of the greatest causes for conflict in marriage are contradicting core values.

I’d describe core values as beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans, and purpose on this earth.

We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions – problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are.

And if you don’t know your values, how can you expect your partner to have a clue?

Not all values are the same and sometimes you can have two very good people with very good values, but those values can feel at war with each other.

As I wrote in 5 Musts to Look For in a Spouse: “If your core values can’t dance together, then you’ll keep tripping, falling and wondering why you can’t move together in rhythm.” 

For example, you could have a high value for responsibility and the person you’re dating could have a high value for risk. Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.

Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity. I struggle being in a job, friendship, situations, etc. where I feel like I’m having to pretend to be someone else. It makes me feel anxious and that I’m lying.

How this plays out in my life, especially in the aspect of career, is that I struggle doing work I don’t believe in and isn’t aligned with who I am. Authenticity forces me to intensely evaluate why I’m doing what I’m doing and strive to do work aligned with my beliefs. Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy.

Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.

Too many marriages start (and end) with vague and un-identified core values.

5. Do I like who I am when I’m with him/her?

Are you really being you when you’re with them?

Or are you constantly trying to hide who you are because they want you to be someone you’re not?

Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want? Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are?

Do you feel fragmented when you’re with your partner or do you feel whole? 

Which leads into Question 6….

6. Does this person challenge me to be a better, authentic version of myself?

Is your partner trying to force you to become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination? Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you? Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top.

A spouse should be like a gold miner, going under the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.

Is the person you’re dating like a magnet trying to bring the best of you to the surface?

Or are they trying to bury you under a pile of dirt?

7. How does their family communicate? (And am I comfortable if this person begins to communicate with me in the same way?)

We all go through intense communication training for years; it’s called childhood. (Click to tweet)

And it’s hard to un-wire 18 years of being shown how to talk and listen to others in family situations.

Sure we’re not our parents and we can work to change our communication habits. However, for many of us our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us.

Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. Don’t just sit back and eat that holiday ham. Sit up, take notes, because believe me you’ll want to feel prepared for the test that comes later.

And the test will come like a train on a dark and stormy night! I promise.

8. Do they love from their insecurities or do they love from their strengths?

I first asked this question in 11 Questions Every Twentysomething Needs to Ask, and I think it boils down to this: Is their love based on YOU or is their love based on THEM?

Does their love demand? Or does there love give?

Love can be the worst form of manipulation there is. 

Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs.

Does your partner seek out ways to understand how you receive love and meet that need? Do you do the same?

If you or the person you’re dating loves out of their insecurities, their love will be needy and selfish.

When someone loves from their strengths they know who they are and are drawing from a deep, full well to give to you without demanding a drink in return.

9. How does my partner handle money?

Is your partner a saver or a spender? Do they budget?

Are they willing to honestly talk about money at all or is the topic taboo?

Honestly, going into marriage with my wife I really struggled talking about money. When the topic came up I’d usually become defensive because I wasn’t making too much of the stuff.

I let money and the honest conversations about it become a wedge in my relationship. And I’m still learning that it’s not a topic to be avoided, but embraced.

Conversations about money can be the great time bomb in a relationship. Uncover it now before it detonates. (tweet that)

10. What are both of your non-negotiables?

When you think about your future together, can you list three things that you think would be excruciating to let go?

For example, maybe you know without a doubt that you want to have kids. Or that you don’t.

Maybe leaving your home state and your family feels like an impossibility.

Maybe you never want to work a standard 8-5 job in a cubicle.

As you mature and grow into life, sometimes our non-negotiables morph and tweak. But I do think having you and your partner list out three things you don’t want to ever budge on is a good conversation to have. Identify what you feel are non-negotiables now so you can avoid any large, gaping ravines ahead.

11. How important is faith to me and faith to them?

Does religious faith play a role in your present and do you want faith to play a role in your future?

What do you truly believe about how to live your life and what happens when you die? Weighty questions, I know, but important ones. I really believe that if there are large differences in your faith now, those will only become bigger and more cumbersome as your relationship progresses. Especially when kids come into the equation. How will you raise them? What do you want them to believe? Talk about it.

12 . Have you both tackled your monsters?

We all have insecurities, fears, failures, painful memories, and just all around unattractive stuff we’re hiding in the back of our closest.

Like that yearbook from our awkward years, we all have things we hope our partner will never lay eyes on.

However…

Just because you want to pretend your monsters don’t exist, doesn’t mean they’re just going to magically go away.

And marriage has the amazing ability to take all that you hoped remained hidden, and put it on stage for a nationally televised interview that your in-laws will be watching.

Tackle your monsters now. Don’t let them crush your relationship later.

As I wrote in my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties,

Newly married and living in a small apartment is no place to store a luggage set full of your baggage. Begin to ditch those bags now.

Right attracts right. And the more right you are, the more right your relationship will be.

13. Do we enjoy doing the mundane together?

Marriage is as every day as it gets. 

Marriage is budgets, laundry, broken toilets, work, weddings, funerals, births, and everything in between.

Can you envision enjoying every day life with the person you’re dating?

Again as I wrote in 101 Secrets for your Twenties,

If you don’t enjoy going to the grocery store with this person to buy eggs or changing the clothes at the laundromat, then you might not enjoy doing marriage. Because marriage is built on a million more mundane moments than magical.

14. What’s their vision for the future? Kids? Careers? Travel?

How do you envision marriage after 10 years? Are you traveling the world with your spouse? Do you have three kids encased in white picket glory? Are you both working corporate jobs? Are you doing missions work in a different country? Do you have six kids and are driving a bus across the nation to perform a family rhythmic gymnastics routine at county fairs?

Your plans, goals, and ideas of the future change–but people who refuse to talk about it rarely do.

15. (Bonus Points) Can you write a vision statement for you and your relationship together?

Now not many couples do this ever, whether dating or married, so this is definitely Advanced Relationship 101. But with what you know now after going through these questions, can you sit down together and write a vision statement for your relationship?

What will be the goal of your relationship beyond just your relationship? Who and what will you impact together?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments section on this article: 

What question resonates with you the most? 

Top 35 Movies Every Twentysomething Needs to Watch

What are the most important movies every twentysomething needs to watch?

Whether for inspiration, insight, or all-too-needed hilarity into this crazy twentysomething life.

I posed this question on the All Groan Up Facebook page, through my Twitter account, and I peered deeply through my long list of influential movies that helped define and refine my twenties (if we’re not connected on Facebook and Twitter, I’d love to dialogue with you there as well).

The list grew and grew, and below are the top 35 movies every twentysomething should watch (not necessarily in order), with some shout-outs to those who recommended them and life-lessons taught through the movies, sprinkled throughout. From big block-busters to little known documentaries, this list contains it all.

(If you’re looking for something to read as well, check out my top 21 books for twentysomethings that influenced me while I wrote my book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties.)

But for your viewing pleasure, and for the next blizzard, “well-being sick-day”, or just your next bottle of wine, All Groan Up presents…

35. Office Space (1999)

Let’s get this list off to a running start with a cult-classic that taught an entire generation one simple truth: Death by cubicle is a terrible way to die.  

Mix mundane cubicle life, gangster rap, flare, a prized stapler and fantasies to smash the company’s printer with a baseball bat, and you have what Raylan on Facebook said “should be considered a documentary.” (Watch Office Space)

34. The Graduate (1967)

The quintessential angsty, funky and “floating” 60s classic that teaches some unhealthy ways to escape the post-college angst.

And that you need to find an old Paul Simon album right now (who I once showed how to use a bench-press, but that’s a story for a different article).

Memorable Quote: It’s like I was playing some kind of game, but the rules don’t make any sense to me. They’re being made up by all the wrong people. I mean no one makes them up. They seem to make themselves up. (Check out The Graduate)

33. The Words (2012)

I was recently introduced to this gem of a movie by my sister-in-law Kendra, and instantly fell in love. It has great actors (Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Irons, Dennis Quaid, Zoe Saldana, etc), a really thoughtful, intriguing script, and I felt the movie encapsulated perfectly the struggling, dreaming twentysomething who is fighting with everything to truly be someone. And of course the story thread of a young writer getting rejected by every publisher rang all too true to  my own story. Please watch and I’d love to hear what you think.

Life Lesson: As you fight, cry, and claw up the steep path towards your dream, taking the shortcut might be the worst path you could take. (The Words on Amazon)

32. Groundhog Day (1993)

That’s right, woodchuck-chuckers – it’s…GROUNDHOG DAY!

This is my favorite Bill Murray movie. There I said it and I’m not taking it back. If you haven’t seen Groundhog Day (and who hasn’t) – bored, cynical, disgruntled weatherman Phil Connors gets stuck re-living the same non-eventful day, in the non-eventful town. (Sounds kind of like twentysomething life, doesn’t it).

Life Lesson: Sometimes the only way to get out of the same old rut is to find the meaning within it. (Watch Groundhog Day)

31. In A World (2013)

Lake Bell who writes, directs, and stars in this quirky, indie comedic gem about a struggling movie voice-over artist, has a lot to say about fighting for a dream, the people who will (and won’t) help you along the way, and what it can look like to be a woman trying to break into a male dominated industry. (Watch In a World for free with Amazon Prime)

30. Garden State (2004)

I feel like I have to include this one even if I personally feel like it’s overrated. Yelling down into “the large gaping hole” metaphor was my breaking point. Feel free to advocate for it in the comments below. Or don’t. (Watch Garden State)

29. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

It’s hard to imagine now that It’s a Wonderful Life was a major flop when initially released. It only starting becoming the iconic classic that is today 30 years later because a clerical error placed it in public domain, making it a television mainstay.

Try to watch It’s a Wonderful Life with new light and see the important messages about what it means to be a success, have an impact, and live a meaningful life within the mundane.

When George Bailey has his breakdown in his living room, smashing all the dreams he held on to as his life seemingly falls apart, I still get chills. (Watch It’s a Wonderful Life)

28. Devil Wears Prada (2006)

It’s Hollywood. It’s slightly cliche. But in the end, poses a good question about what sacrifices will you be willing to make to get to the top. (Watch The Devil Wears Prada)

27. Danielson: A Family Movie (or, Make a Joyful Noise Here) (2006)

A little known indie documentary about Daniel Smith and his traveling Christian family band who wear nurses outfits while playing in dive bars to bring the healing of Christ into the room. I think this movie shows one of the more heartfelt stories of what it means to create, have faith, and enjoy the people around you while you do. And if you’re a fan of music savant Sufjan Stevens (as I am) you’ll especially enjoy this documentary. (Snag Danielson: A Family Movie)

26. 500 Days of Summer (2009)

Love, love, love this movie. I think it’s one of the best scripts in the romantic comedy genre that’s come around in the last fifty years. I’m serious. I don’t think I’ve seen a movie that better encapsulates the ambiguities, complexities, pains, and misunderstandings of relationships. And the split screen scene of “Expectations” vs “Reality” should be required viewing for all college graduates.

Just remember — this is not a love story. (Watch 500 Days of Summer)

25. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Probably every list should include this movie, so I’ll go ahead and do my part.

Memorable Quote: “Get busy living or get busy dying.” (Watch Shawshank Redeption)

24. Away We Go (2009)

It might not make you want to have kids for a while, but this comedy staring John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph  does offer some insights into one of life’s biggest transitions — becoming parents. (Watch Away We Go)

23. and 22. Dead Poets Society (1989) and Good Will Hunting (1997)

Two iconic roles by Robin Williams and the launching of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, both these movies, as my friend Ryan aptly described, are about “carpe diem with your gifts.”

Life Lessons: Don’t run from who you are. Let go of the fears, insecurities, and pains from the past. Embrace who are, with all you are. (Watch Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting)

21. The Big Chill (1983)

I’ve never watched it! Yet it got enough votes that I had to go with the blind include. Hope to check it out myself soon. (Watch The Big Chill)

20. Midnight in Paris (2011)

A good, if not an entirely amazing, Woody Allen movie that I think is worth putting on here for one key lesson: Nostalgia is a liar. (Watch Midnight in Paris)

19. 50/50

It has Seth Rogen in it, so you know ample amounts of cringe worthy crudeness is there as well. But for a heart-felt, painful, funny movie about a twentysomething dealing with cancer, Joseph Gorden Levitt nails it as he usually does. (Watch 50/50)

18. Ordinary People (1980)

Winner of The Best Picture, it’s extremely well done and a tough one to watch at times because it portrays the pain of loss, depression, and a struggle to find peace all too accurately. It’s kind of a mix of Good Will Hunting and Donnie Darko. Watch this movie with a friend so you have someone to discuss the movie with after. (Watch Ordinary People)

17. Up (2009)

Of course an animated movie about an elderly man flying across the world in his house carried by balloons is included in a list for twentysomethings. Just makes sense, right? But just the first ten minutes of the movie alone gives anyone enough to think about.

Life Lesson: Sometimes we need to watch the end of someone else’s story to bring back meaning for our beginning. (Watch Up)

16. When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Can men and women truly be just friends? A Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan classic that navigates the complexities of relationships, change, and what it means to love. (Watch When Harry Met Sally)

15. Stories We Tell (2012)

A surprising, intriguing, intimate look at one family and the way the untold and re-told stories from the past are still affecting everyone’s present. Some really good writing and a really interesting case-study of sorts into elements of message and memory, and it all changing depending on who’s telling it. The ideas of what’s “real” and what’s fabricated, in film and in life. And as well a multi-layered look at family, consequences, etc. I found it really intriguing and I think for anyone grappling with family complexities and events from the past, could really benefit. Plus it’s streaming free on Amazon! (Watch Stories We Tell)

14. Band of Brothers (2001)

I’m cheating a little with this one as its an HBO mini-series, but it’s worth bending a few rules to include. Sometimes when life feels like an epic battle, it’s good to watch an amazing story of a group of men going through a real one for some life perspective. Loyalty. Pain. Sacrifice. Victory. Loss. It’s all there. One of the best. (Snag Band of Brothers)

13. Fight Club (1999)

Not for the faint of heart, it’s as sick as it is genius. Yet many of the critiques and commentaries about living our collective IKEA, Starbucks lifestyles isolated from one another are pretty powerful.

Memorable Quotes: “We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” (Watch Fight Club)

12. Reality Bites (1994)

My friend Erin described Reality Bites as  “perfect for every college grad who still has no idea what to do with their lives.” I had quite a few votes for Reality Bites and is one of the few on this list that I still need to see. (Watch Reality Bites)

11. Amazing Grace (2006)

Powerful movie about William Wilberforce and his fight for abolishing the English slave trade. As my friend Marcus acutely described about the importance of Amazing Grace, “Young people need to see that it can take years of painstaking, hard, methodical, sometimes depressing work to create that sought after lifetime achievement.” (Watch Amazing Grace)

10. Walk the Line (2005)

Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon playing Johnny Cash and June Carter might be my favorite musical duo ever. The music! The acting! Plus a powerful story with many important messages about the dangers of medicating, the power of faith, and the yearning to create. One of my all-time favorite movies.

Life Lesson: You can achieve all your dreams, but it won’t mean much if you’re medicating from the pains of your past. (Watch Walk the Line)

9. Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005)

A must-watch documentary for our generation so we can avoid some of the mistakes from the past. And a good reminder that sometimes the smartest guys are the biggest idiots. (Watch Enron)

8. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)

Probably one of the biggest surprises I received from a movie in a while. I thought Ben Stiller, the director and actor, absolutely killed this one. Love the soundtrack, especially the songs from Jose Gonzalez, and the cinematography was beautiful. And the message of living life like you mean with audacity and adventure. Loved it. (Watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)

7. Buck (2011)

A sauntering documentary about real-life horse whisperer Buck Brannaman surprisingly has a lot to teach all of us about dealing with pain, anger, and finding peace within yourself. Granted I’m a sucker for horse movies and beautiful landscapes, but this intimate documentary is powerful. And you can stream it free right now on Amazon. (Watch Buck)

6. Swingers (1996)

Any movie where Vince Vaughn is on a table, screaming “You’re all growns up now!” has to be included on the list. This cult classic is up there with Office Space in my opinion and even to this day says a lot about trying (and failing) to live the LA dream. (Watch Swingers)

5. Lord of the Rings (2001 – 2003)

I read this series three times growing up, so I’m still partial to the books, but there are too many powerful lessons in these movies to not include. My favorite relationship is between Sam and Frodo and the great reminder about the power of friendship, even when it feels like you’re on our journey alone. (Snag Lord of the Rings)

4. Searching For Sugar Man (2012)

Let’s be honest, pretty sure I cried twice during this amazing documentary. For anyone struggling to create, do more, be heard, and find your place, you have to watch this documentary of musician Sixto Rodriguez. This one spoke straight into my soul and hasn’t gone away.

Life Lesson: Even if your impact feels minimal right now, you have no idea how far the ripples will go. (Watch Searching For Sugar Man)

3. Warrior (2011)

(Disclaimer: I have a deep movie-crush on Warrior. And again I cried at the end. Like a little boy who lost his favorite stuffed animal out the car window)

This is the best under the radar movies ever. Honestly. It should’ve exploded the radar on it’s way through the orbit, but I think because of some failed marketing it didn’t have time to take off in theaters.  Joel Edgerton, Tom Harding, and Nick Nolte are amazing. The ending, one of my all-time favorites.

Yes the story is told through mixed martial arts fighting, but please don’t let that stop you from watching an incredibly impactful film about family, redemption, and forgiveness.  (Please go and watch Warrior)

2. Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert De Niro, and Jacki Weaver are all amazing. The comedic and painful look into dealing with mental illness is definitely a powerful one. (Watch Silver Linings Playbook)

1. Into the Wild (Watch Into the Wild)

Into the Wild is based on the book and true story of Christopher McCandless who gives away all his money after college to go on a great Alaskan adventure. It made my top books for twentysomethings as well, even though this might be one of the few times that I liked the movie better than the book. I think is one of the most powerful warnings for our generation struggling to find answers and doing so mostly by ourselves. As I wrote about Into the Wild in my book 101 Secrets For Your Twenties:

Don’t allow loneliness to become isolation.

Don’t pull your head inside your shell thinking only you can protect yourself. Don’t go on a dangerous Great Alaskan Adventure to live off the land all by yourself. That’s not a search for life, that’s suicide.

We need to know, and to be known.

Invite a friend or two over for dinner. Talk, laugh once or twice— even if it’s forced, and before the meal is over you might just notice your friends are chewing on the same questions you are. And at that moment of honest conversation, you will see light in the dark and dusty corners.”

There it is the top movies for twentysomethings! What movies did I foolishly miss? What movies did you love? I’d love to hear from you in the comments on this article.