Paul Angone's Blog, page 18

February 18, 2014

The Ultimate Guide to Parenthood

How do you know if you’re ready for kids? And then when you have them, how do you know what to do next?

I’m the dad of two amazing girls, a three year old and a one year old, and every day watching them has the possibility to be the most intensely amazing, amazingly intense days of my life. As a parent you can go from “I can do this forever” to “Someone please help me!” – all before breakfast.

Are you ready for kids? Are you ready to laugh about the kids you have? This ultimate guide to parenthood below will help you do both.

The Ultimate Guide to Parenthood

1. Stand in the middle of your room with a pile of toys, important papers, shirts, underwear, and throw them all in the air. Then attempt to pick it all up while a volunteer tries to rip it out of your hands and yell erratically like you just told them that cookies no longer exist. Repeat 7-9 times a day.

2. Grab one handful of crackers and one hand full of chocolate. Mash the two together. Throw in the air. Do the Hokey Pokey on top of the mess. Repeat three times a day.

Bonus Test: Make it more interesting by switching out crackers for any berry of your choice.

3. Babies and toddlers are completely content with an activity for 75 seconds. 120 seconds on a good day.

You have 13 hours of wakefulness you need to fill, broken down into two minute intervals, thus leaving you with 390 different activities you need to come up with to keep your toddler busy.

To see if you’re ready for kids get three hours of sleep. Don’t eat. Come up with 390 different activities, while someone pulls on your arm and yells in your face. Then refuses to do 357 of your ideas.

Bonus Test: At the end of the day, have your significant other come home and say, “Wow the place is really a mess.”

4. Scour Facebook until you see one of your friends toddlers are sick. Ask to come over and sit in front of the child until he or she sneezes in your face. Hopefully this will get you sick as well. Once sick, ask your friends to leave and now care for the sick child yourself while sick.

Bonus Points: Slip your friends kid a laxative and see if they’ll poop all over the couch. Clean it up.

Double Bonus: Slip them a laxative and take them to urgent care. Wait in the lobby for two hours. Try to keep the child from pooping all over the lobby floor. Go see the doctor. Wait in the room for another 45 minutes as the kid plays a game of “what can I break/poop on.” Have the doctor come in, and give you a whole one minute and fifteen seconds, a completely annoyed one minute fifteen seconds where they let you now with every non-verbal they have in their body that they don’t care at all about you or your child, then have them tell you its a virus and nothing can be done. Be nice to the nurse on the way out.

5. Try to have a conversation with your significant other in the car while two friends sit in the back. One yelling until they begin to lose their voice. The other asking you over the yelling why it’s taking so long to get there–a minimum of 137 times.

Repeat every time you’re in the car for two years.

Bonus Points: Every time you’re stuck in traffic, have your friends increase the decimal level to slightly lower than the sound of a plane taking off.

6. Play a barely audible crying track in every room of your house. Not that your baby will actually cry that much. But even when they aren’t, the Phantom Cries will always be on.

7. Set your alarm to go off every two-three hours. For six months. Have friends ask you how your sex life is going.

Pump the Test Up a Notch – Baby Koala Style

8. To really get the best feel for possible parenthood, you’d now be wise to borrow a baby monkey, baby ostrich, or baby koala from the zoo. Actually, preferably more than one.

Take the baby monkey and koala to your car. Attempt to put a diaper on the koala, laying it on the front seat of your car with the door open and you standing outside, while the monkey plays a game of “how loud can I turn the radio.” Wave down a car and ask them to pull the front of their car into the space you’re standing in, thus blocking all the cars from passing behind.

Bonus points if you can diaper the baby animal before seven cars line up or two cars honk.

9. Have your parents come over to watch the monkey and koala, giving you a well-deserved break.

Fall asleep for seven minutes on the couch. While asleep have your parents feed the monkey and koala juice that is 0% juice, 100% high fructose corn syrup. Yogurt that contains 15 grams of sugar, per 1/4 spoon, and a chocolate chip granola bar.

Then three cookies because they did so well eating their food.

After your parent are done feeding the monkey and koala, have them wake you up abruptly to tell you the monkey has pooped himself and the koala is feeding the dog chocolate, and they forgot they have a lunch appointment across town and need to leave right away.

As you now try to catch the monkey that has sugar cascading through its veins like the Niagara Falls and poop begins to leak out of every corner of the diaper, while the koala begins to cry because the dog has knocked it over, have your parents watch quietly in the background, then right before they leave have them tell you how you should be trying to catch the monkey.

And that you really should be showering more.

Repeat twice a month. Based on your parents schedule.

10. Go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon with your baby koala and monkey. Chase them around a department store and don’t leave until you:

A. Receive 13 dirty stares from fellow mall-goers.

B. Two employees ask you to leave.

C. A baby animal hits its head on the tile floor or metal clothing bar. Twice.

D. A sixty-year-old-plus woman stops you to tell you that you’re doing everything wrong

E. You are actually able to purchase the items you came to buy. (Note: Probably not wise to try and go for E. because you’ll be there until both animals are 15 years old).

11. After leaving the department store and schlepping your way back to the car, start a stopwatch with a two minute countdown. Run back to the mall to find a bathroom before the time runs out.

Bonus Points: If you’re male and are holding a female koala, wait until all the bathroom stalls are full and then try to hold the female koala in a way where she can pee into the urinal, while also keeping the monkey from putting their hands in the “said” urinal. If any piece of clothing or limb enters the urinal, go back to the car and try again.

12. Take your baby koala’s favorite food. Your go-to snack whenever you’re in a bind. Now they’re allergic to it. Don’t give them that food.

13. Successful toddler watching is about containment. Keeping them in a safe place as long as possible that they most likely don’t want to be in.

Set up a large playpen. Put your baby monkey in. Put a banana on the other side of the room next to your glass coffee table and vase your mother gave you. Keep the monkey in the playpen for thirty minutes. It’s like playing Baby Gladiator, except you can’t use force.

14. Try to cook with the baby koala and baby monkey in the kitchen. Right when things get on the stove, pick up the koala and monkey and try to finish the meal holding them both, while keeping their hands away from the stove. Sit them down to eat. Most likely they’ll throw the food you made at you or at each other. Tell them you’re not giving them anything else to eat until they eat their dinner. Keep this up valiantly until they start crying and trying to escape from the table.

Keep them at the table.

Give in and give them both a banana.

Have them throw that in your face.

Then have them ask for it back.

Don’t scream.

Bonus Points: Have your in-law come over, sit down, and feed them successfully with the first spoonful.

15. Get the stomach flu. Take your baby monkey and koala back to the zoo. In a wagon with a wobbly wheel. In the heat. On a Saturday over Labor Day Weekend. Spend the next three hours canjouling, strapping down, bribing with cookies, chasing, throwing up ever so slightly in your mouth, fighting crowds, only to get them back to the zookeeper who said they would watch them for a bit. Have the zookeeper cancel. Run out of diapers. Get them back to the car in less than seven minutes. Get behind an old guy who walks slowly in front of you, blocking your way, then gives you The Look as you pass by.

Don’t flip him off or kick his cane out from under him.

16. Late at night have the baby monkey and koala crawl in your lap, and give you kisses on the cheek while saying out of nowhere, “I love you.” Be overwhelmed once again by the realization that holding, caring, and loving these two baby animals who depend on you for everything is the most fulfilling, profound, difficult, yet rewarding roles you’ve ever played. And you know you’d do anything for them. Even when they’re driving you to the edge of insanity. Hold them tight and say a prayer for them both, and that God would give you the strength and patience to do it better tomorrow. Feel guilty about every negative thought or time you just had enough today.

Take a deep breathe.

Close your eyes.

Have the monkey smack the koala in the face.

Start the craziness over again.

Parents did I miss anything?

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Published on February 18, 2014 21:32

February 12, 2014

Twentysomething Problems

Whomever said your twenties are easy should be shot.

Seriously.

If you’ve struggled through this decade of transition, uncertainty, and unending questions, you’re not alone – the All Groan Up mantra.

Which of these twentysomething problems can you relate to the most? (And amidst the problems there are some twenty-something answers sprinkled in-between).

Twentysomething Problems

1. You can’t complain to anyone older about your problems because they’ll just say, “You’re in your twenties, what kind of problems can you have?”

2. Due to years of neglect and abuse, your metabolism begins its official, in-your-face mutiny. And it tries to convince your knees, lower back, and thyroid to join in the fight.

3. You have your bachelors degree, yet are barely able to afford the college loan payments with your job that you’re pretty sure you could’ve done with your high school diploma. So now you’ve began taking out loans for your masters…

It just makes sense.

4. You still feel the pressure to make the absolute most of a Friday and Saturday night, when all your body and soul wants to do is curl up on the couch with your cat. So you end up begrudgingly going out for a few hours. And once you’ve taken the pictures you feel are “social media worthy,” you rush home to your real plans.

5. The fact that all our 1,343 photos on our phone are now filtered through the mental lens of “Is this social media worthy?”

6. You’re not where you want to be, but you’re not quite sure where you want to go.

7. You used to hate coffee, but now you drink it when you’re:

A. Tired

B. Hungover

C. Hungry, but trying to fight against Metabolism and its latest attack.

D. Drained by six hours of doing very little at your desk so you chug coffee to remind yourself that you’re still alive.

E. You’re craving something sweet at 2pm and use coffee as a cover to pretty much drink a cup of Crème Brule creamer. If your sweet tooth was in a pinch, you’d probably drink creamer straight if it was socially acceptable.

8. Spending a little too much extra-curricular hours with co-workers. Unwinding with co-workers is one thing. Really unwinding with co-workers is another.

The office is the bizarro Vegas. Whatever happens outside of the office, WILL NOT stay outside of the office.

9. Wanting a Whole Foods diet on a Burger King budget. Whole Foods is not a store, it’s a lifestyle. And I personally am not sure I have the wallet, walk, or haircut to pull it off.

10. Losing touch with all the friends you swore you’d never lose touch with.

11. Being stuck in between growing and grown, not yet sure if you’re a kid or an adult.

12. Being stuck in the gap of a big dream and your current not-so-big job. Feeling stuck between the pull of the future and the nostalgia of the past.

It took me a while to learn that the life of a successful twentysomething is not about choosing between chasing your dreams and sacrificing them to pay the bills. It’s about doing both at the same time. Chasing your dreams in the fringes of your day while you do your best in the job you are in. If you are diligent in both, at some point your job and dreams will shake hands.

13. Sharing one fridge with four roommates.

14. Sharing one fridge with two parents. Again. And having them give you chores. Again.

15. All.the.lostness.

But isn’t being lost and exploring pretty much the same thing? The main difference is that explorers get lost on purpose, with purpose. They have a plan and people alongside them when the obstacles become too great.

In your twenties don’t be afraid to get lost on purpose, with purpose.

“Being lost might be the exact place you will be found.” – 101 Secrets for your Twenties

16. Figuring out how to answer, “so…what do you do” for the 1,346th time, when “what you do” is so…not that spectacular.

17. All.the.stereotypes.

Why is it that stereotyping certain topics is completely taboo, yet stereotyping an entire generation is all the rage? Stereotype based on race, gender, religion, and sex, and you’re getting hate mail. Stereotype based on age and you’re getting the front page of Time magazine.

18. Hourly Information Explosions. Headline Hand-Grenades. Email-Uzi’s. Advertising Atom Bombs. An all-out war for your attention and time with info that will do nothing to add value to your life. We become obsessed with everything happening out there that we neglect understanding what’s going on in us.

19. Desperately searching for the answers, without knowing the right questions.

20. Starting a blog in hopes it will help you clarify some of your problems, not really caring if anyone reads it. Then kind of hoping someone will read it. Then checking your blog stats once a day. Then once an hour. Then refreshing your screen every fifteen minutes hoping someone will leave just one comment. I mean ONE COMMENT, how hard could it be?!…Seriously, my friends suck, no one cares what I have to say, gosh I hate blogging…

21. All.the.quarter.life.crisis-essses.

Quarter-Life Crisis (def): Ample anxiety/fear/confusion over the direction and quality of one’s life that makes you feel like you’re getting the insides ripped out of you like crab legs at a Las Vegas buffet

Wondering if you’re having one? Here’s 25 signs you’re having a quarter-life crisis and then seven cures for it.

22. Getting wrapped up in a get-rich-quick scheme, then realizing that get-rich-quick takes about 10 years of hard work to make happen.

23. Traveling to find the answers, then coming home and realizing you have more questions than when you began.

24. Netflix. It’s hard chasing your dreams if you’re busy watching other people chase theirs.

25. Oh and just the small pressure of figuring out your career, where you’re going to live, marriage, faith, identity, etc. – and feeling like you have to have it wrapped up neatly in a red little bow before you exit the decade.

26. The overwhelming feeling that the best plan you can make in your twenties is to plan to keep making new plans.

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Published on February 12, 2014 20:48

January 30, 2014

8 Things to Accomplish as a Twentysomething

Today All Groan Up welcomes a guest post from Ellen Ross. Enjoy!

We’re constantly reminded to enjoy our 20’s because they are the best years of our life, but it’s also the most important decade to grow ourselves as individuals.

Since you can still have fun while challenging yourself here are 8 things you should accomplish in your 20’s in an effort to make the most of these glorious years!

8-Things-to-Accomplish-as-a-Twentysomething

1. Conquer a Big Fear

When I say a big fear, I mean bigger than watching a scary movie. Fear is something that can hold us back from a enjoyable life so while you’re young and spry you might as well attack those fears. If you’re afraid of heights, learn to get used to them even just for a day. If you’re afraid of clowns, shake hands with one the next time you ‘re at a parade or circus. I used to be afraid of flying, mostly because I had never flown before, so I made sure I took a trip on a plane in my 20’s and now I don’t even flinch at the thought of flying. Conquering a big fear not only gives you bragging rights, but you get to enter into your 30’s with one an accomplishment under your belt.

2. Learn to Speak Another Love Language

This skill will get you so much further in life no matter how old you are. It will make the people in your life feel more loved and in turn you’ll feel better about yourself. Learn about the different love languages (gifts, words, affection, tasks, time) and figure out what your primary language is. What actions or words from another person make you feel loved? What’s the love language of the special person in your life? If it’s different from yours, learn how to speak it. It will only make you radiate and grow as a person, so don’t make excuses.

3. Learn How to Change a Flat Tire

If you already know how to change a flat then pat yourself on the back! If you don’t, then it’s time to get to work; watch a YouTube tutorial, read instructions, and practice! You never know when this skill may come in handy, even if it’s just helping someone you see stranded on the side of the road. Besides, once you’re 30, you’re more likely to get laughed at if someone finds out you can’t change a flat tire to save your life.

4. Learn to Meditate

Meditating is a process that takes practice and patience, but once you accomplish it, you’ll feel amazing. Meditation helps you learn to relax, quiet your thoughts, and live in the present moment. I began meditating at the age of 27, but I wish I had learned much sooner. With all of the technology in our fast paced world, most of us keep our minds constantly occupied even when we think we’re relaxing. It’s therapeutic and highly beneficial to your mental health to meditate. So embrace it and learn to stop, breathe, and take in the world around you as you live in the present moment.

5. Buy Yourself a Splurge Gift

Is there something that you’ve coveted for years like a gorgeous handbag, a glamorous pair of shoes, or even an amazing piece of home décor? As long as you can find a way to save up the money to put towards it, go ahead and make that purchase. I was obsessed with a designer handbag for the longest time so when I finally saved the money to buy it for myself I made a big fuss about it. I wrapped it in paper and waited till Christmas to open it. I even had a note inside addressed to and signed by ME! Everyone deserves to spoil themselves once in a while, I mean you made it this far in life and you’re still here! Don’t be afraid to congratulate yourself with a nice gift!

6. Learn to Be Alone with Yourself and Enjoy it

Some people can’t stand being alone in life and they don’t realize how exhausting that is. Whether it’s the boredom that bothers you or the loneliness that scares you, get over it and start enjoying it. Schedule a “me day” once a week where you turn down plans with anyone and everyone. Then pick a project or hobby to keep yourself busy. Enjoy your own company and don’t be concerned what everyone else is up to on their Facebook page!

7. Step out of your Comfort Zone in a Relationship

Do something that’s outside of your safe zone in a relationship; something that benefits the both of you even if it’s not easy to do. If you’re a reserved person, try to be more outspoken by giving more compliments and expressing your feelings to your partner. Take this a step further and do this in any relationship – whether it be a significant other, a coworker, or a close friend. Once you do it a few times, it becomes a habit and you’ll soon discover that being more outspoken becomes part of your comfort zone. It’s not that hard, I promise.

8. Ban the phrase “That’s just how I am” from your vocabulary. Forever.

Saying “That’s just how I am” is an excuse. It’s generally used as an explanation for why we shouldn’t have to change, even if it’s for the better. If you aren’t going out of your way to be a better person to others, than you should take a good look at yourself. Is going out of your comfort zone and being nicer really going to do any harm to you? Stop making excuses and conforming to what society thinks is okay.

Be different, be better, and enjoy the benefits of making the lives of those around you more pleasant.

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one thing you think twentysomethings need to accomplish?

Ellen Ross is a 27 year old blogger living in Pennsylvania. Her blog, Ask Away (www.askawayblog.com link) covers topics from fashion and relationships to budgets and organizing a home. When she’s not working full time or writing her blog, she enjoys spending time with her 4 Chihuahuas.

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Published on January 30, 2014 22:36

January 28, 2014

The Secret to Overnight Success

Overnight success is like living out Jack and the Giant Bean Stock.

One night you throw a couple magic beans in the ground and the next day you’re holding a goose that can’t help but poop golden nuggets.

What could be better?

My golden goose came by the way of an article I wrote called 21 Secrets for your 20s, which became an overnight hit having now been read nearly a million times in 190 countries and leading to my first book deal.

And I have the patented secret on how you can do the same.

You ready?

Here it is.

The Secret to Overnight Success: Work with such a passionate, tenacious consistency at something that you cannot NOT do that you lose all interest, anxiety, and desire of becoming an overnight success.

“It takes 20 years to become an overnight success.” Eddie Cantor

Overnight success is a seductive lie. (Tweet that)

Success doesn’t happen in a night, it happens in the thousand nights that no one will ever write a song about.

There are overnight sensations, sure. Take a crazy fall off a ledge while crushing grapes or have someone auto-tune your interview, and millions of people might come across you. Overnight phenomenon’s are an everyday thing now in the Land of the Internet.

However, just as a lottery winner ends up bankrupt in less than a year, an overnight sensation goes up quick and then falls back down at the same speed because there was no platform supporting it. An overnight sensation is like a shooting star – a brief blaze that quickly burns out.

“I worked half my life to be an overnight success, and still it took me by surprise.” – Jessica Savitch

The moment you’ll be ready for success is the exact moment you don’t care about being successful.

The moment you’ll get your first piece of fan mail is when you stop checking the mailbox hoping to find it.

Musicians, actors, artists, writers, comedians, and entrepreneurs that we claim as an “overnight success” might have experienced some sort of tipping point moment, but they’ve been tirelessly and quietly building the base to sustain that “overnight success” their entire lives.

Successful people have been honing their craft, building their network, and pushing themselves way beyond the label of “successful”.

A true overnight success is someone who has carried bucket after bucket of water to fill up a well. People celebrate you the moment it all spills over, without realizing the 10,000 buckets you carried to make it happen.

As I wrote in “Your Twenties Not Going as Planned? You’re in Famous Company,” actor Morgan Freeman became an overnight success after movies like Driving Miss Daisy and Glory, well except he was nearly fifty years old and had played in countless acting roles since he was nine-years-old.

Abraham Lincoln came out of nowhere to lead the nation, well except he spent his entire twenties being defeated for political positions with striking regularity as he continued to grow as a lawyer, thinker, writer, and speaker.

I started writing my first book on a motel room floor at 22 years old.

Then at the age of 30, after a trunk-full of “no’s, not a good fit, and try again in six months“, I saw my first book released.

It took me eight years to find overnight success.

Those eight years are strewn with hundreds of memories of running full speed, thinking I could see the finish line, thinking I’d finally made it, only to run head first into a brick wall, knocking me unconscious. Every time, it took me months and a few stiff drinks to stand back up.

I compiled 21 Secrets for your 20s on a Sunday afternoon. It took my entire twenties to learn how and what to write.

A true overnight success has simply mastered the art of staying in the game, no matter how lopsided the score.

An overnight success has stayed present so that success can be a possibility, but a long time ago success stopped being the whole point.

An overnight success learned to do good work even when there was no one there to affirm it.

The greatest people who do the greatest things don’t care one lick about being called great. (Tweet that)

Will you have the perseverance and passion to become an overnight success?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below or by clicking on the article title if you’re reading this in your email:

What is something that you cannot NOT do that you are striving to make an “overnight success”?

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Published on January 28, 2014 21:39

January 22, 2014

9 Things Every Twentysomething Needs to Know

I believe that the most necessary life skills a twentysomething needs to know are never taught.

We go through college, many of us spending a small fortune for an education, yet so many twentysomethings leave feeling completely unprepared.

How can this be?

Maybe we need a new kind of education once we hit our 20s. A strategic, big-picture plan on how to truly and authentically succeed in a decade that feels ripe with unsuccess.

Well here it is.

9 Things Every Twentysomething Needs to Know

1. The Discipline of Yes or No

Successful people have mastered self-control in the small. The skill of saying no and yes at the right time to the right things.

It’s not complex. It’s simply trusting your gut and having the strength and wisdom to follow its lead.

It could be as simple as consistently saying yes to going to bed at the right time.

Saying no to that next round of drinks. Saying yes to the lunch with a friend of your parents, even though it’s bound to be awkward. Saying no to the relationship that’s as healthy as sipping motor oil. Saying yes to reading and exercise. Saying no to office birthday cake.

We can’t consistently make bad decisions in our 20s and then expect things to magically become better.

2. How to articulate who you are and what you’re passionate about

Finding your passion is one thing, being able to explain it simply and succinctly is another.

Don’t expect anyone to hire you for your passion if you can’t explain what it is. Everyone should have their “elevator pitch” down about Your One Thing – that place where your values, motivation, and strengths intersect.

Self-awareness is a crucial, underrated skill.

If you don’t know what your passion is and can’t explain it, don’t expect anyone to be able to understand what it is.

3. How to Drink, and do Social Media, Responsibly

Drinking responsibly – Life-Savingly important

Doing Social Media Responsibly – Reputation-Savingly Important

Are you presenting an authentic, positive image of yourself online? Or are you the purveyor of these Facebook updates that need to stop happening?

Are you binging on social media in the same way you’d binge on alcohol – it makes everything feel better until, well, it doesn’t.

Use social media responsibly.

4. New Stuff and Name Brands Don’t Add Value

Do you know what I consider one of the greatest achievements of my twenties? A beat-up, unsexy ’93 Honda Civic Hatchback with no air-conditioning, no right mirror, no power-steering, but lots of character. That’s right. I’m dang proud of this car and the fact that I’ve driven that thing my entire twenties to 220,000 miles and counting. I’m proud of all the money I saved from a car loan I never had to get.

Too many twentysomethings try to take a “stuff and status” leap that their budget can’t handle.

We try to ease our insecurities about what it means to be an “official adult” by covering it up with new things and name brands.

Our twenties are about what we plant in the ground, not about what we harvest. We can’t keep pulling our seeds out of the dirt before it has time to grow.

The answer — Craigslist, thrift stores, yard sales, hand me downs, and the “As-Is” clearance section at IKEA. Literally every major item my wife and I own has come from one of these magical places.

Buying it new doesn’t add value, buying it new just adds a shiny, new, debt.

Don’t medicate your ego with new stuff while your bank account feels the effects of the hangover.

As the profound poet Macklemore writes in Thrift Shop:

“One man’s trash, that’s another man’s come-up. Thank your granddad for donating that plaid button-up shirt.”

5. How to Mentor and be Mentored

Every twentysomething should have a mentor and be a mentor.

Twentysomethings should continually be learning to learn and learning to teach.

As I write in 101 Secrets for your Twenties:

“[We can’t] be smothered in Twentysomething. We need to sweeten our lives with some Generational Potpourri–a collection of  age ranges with different backgrounds and experiences to spice our lives up.”

If you don’t have a mentor, I don’t think there are necessarily a lack of mentors for twentysomethings. I think there are a lack of twentysomethings who are actively seeking mentors out.

I think many twentysomethings are frustrated that we can’t find help, yet we don’t take the steps to actually look for it.

Don’t expect a mentor to find you.

Maybe it’s pride or a lack of time that’s holding us back from seeking help, but I think the real obstacle is fear.

A fear of being rejected, a fear of commitment, and maybe a fear of someone shining a light on “all our stuff” and challenging us to do something about it.

6. How to Invest Your Time with Purpose

One of the biggest advantages twentysomethings have is time.

No longer is your time tied up with homework and you might not yet have the time-sucking vacuum that is a house and kids.

And every day you have a choice – will I invest my time in things that build or things that destroy?

How wisely do you invest your time, energy, and creativity in things that will produce high returns?

Will I deposit my time in things that will produce value? Or will I continually make withdrawals of my time and spend it on things that will never pay it back?

How you leverage your time now will be the key to your success later.

7. How to Strategically Work a Crappy Job

As I often say, “Lousy jobs are a twentysomething right of passage.”

But we can learn the most in the jobs we like the least.

Every job, no matter how terrible, has something to teach. What skills can be gained NOW that you can leverage LATER?

8. How to Fail Well

Twentysomethings have experienced an epidemic of success.

Growing up we received awards, gold stars, accolades, and most importantly, immediate feedback on how we were doing (most of which was overwhelmingly positive).

After college, immediate feedback is gone, trophies are packed away in your parent’s attic, and tangible success becomes a fairy tale of the past.

Twentysomethings must learn to fail well – to fail without calling yourself a failure.

To fail is human. To become a failure is deadly.

9. Know When to Stay and When to Leave

Knowing when one season is over and one is ready to begin is a crucial skill many of us spend years perfecting.

There are miserable thirty and fortysomethings in jobs they stopped caring about a decade ago—and it shows all over their work.

Then you have twentysomethings jumping from ship to ship before it even heads out to sea.

Operating at the right time with intentionality is a crucial and underrated life skill. Seasons come and go, if you don’t keep your eyes out for when the leaves are changing and plan accordingly, then you might be stuck out in a blizzard with your flip-flops.

Read the signs, ask for advice, and know when it’s time to go and time to stay.

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties

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Published on January 22, 2014 22:36

January 15, 2014

When You Lose Inspiration

What do you do when you lose inspiration?

And even worse, when you lose inspiration doing the thing you used to love the most?

For me personally, I just released my debut book, quit my 8-5 job to pursue speaking and writing full-time, and for the last month it’s never been harder for me to write! I’m living the dream I’ve been working towards for the last decade and now that it’s finally here, the anxiety, pressure, and lack of inspiration has made me want to curl up with Netflix and not let go.

Can you relate?

When You Lose Inspiration

Whether it’s at your 8-5 job, your own solopreneur-ish, a relationship, a place, etc. have you experienced that moment where the magic has been overrun by the mundane?

What do you do when we lose the motivation and inspiration that used to propel you forward?

As I strive to not fail at my full-time writing and speaking career in the first three months, here are five strategies I’m working through to re-capture the motivation, creativity and continue moving forward.

5 Strategies to Get Your Mojo Back
1. Refresh Yourself

In 101 Secrets for your Twenties I wrote that you need to “refresh yourself before you wreck yourself. You’ve got big plans, dreams, and goals? Awesome.  You can’t squeeze water from a dry sponge.”

Then of course, I didn’t take my own advice and have been on a grueling year-long sprint of deadlines, book launches, traveling, and a one-year-old and two-year-old daughters at home who don’t believe in sleep.

I was running at an un-sustainable pace, so why was I surprised when I found myself broke down on the side of the road?

When life becomes non-stop productivity you can’t be surprised when your engine begins to smoke and spurt some nasty gunk.

Exercise. Eating right. Sleep. Prayer. These were all things I thought somehow I’d become better than and no longer needed.

How wrong I was. Coffee can replace sleep for only so long.

In our lives we can’t keep trying to produce fruit from a plant we’re not watering.

I thought I was being responsible and productive, when I was actually cutting my bloodline and then acting surprised when I felt so sick.

Sometimes the most inspired thing you can do is just hit the brakes.

Sometimes you need to get as far away from your passion as you can so that you can come back and see it fresh.

You can’t give anyone a drink of water when your bucket is scrapping along the bottom of a dry well.

Remember, nervous breakdowns are extremely un-productive.

2. Go Back to the Beginning

For me, writing had gone from something I loved and transformed into nothing but deadlines and obsessing over Amazon reviews and sales rank.

I forgot about writing what I felt and became obsessed about writing what I felt would sell.

I needed to simplify. Stop looking for affirmation. And just write.

I needed to get back to the heart of why I was doing what I was doing – to empower twentysomethings with authentic strategies for success by offering overwhelming amounts of truth, hope, and hilarity, as I narrate the unfolding story of my generation, for my generation.

Have you defined the heart of why you do what you do? If so, how do you get back there?

If you’re inspiration tank is on E, how can you simplify and go back to that one thing that started you on this journey to begin with?

3. Scrap the Routine and Get Physical

Sometimes the best way to add a breath of fresh air to a project or relationship is to actually go outside and get some air. Take a walk. A hike. Go on a short-trip. Change the scenery, the routine, the process, scrap the routine and see it from a new angle.

More and more studies are even discovering that aerobic exercise has been found to have powerful effects on the mind, sending scintillating hormones and neuron growth that can motivate the mind much more powerfully than any cup of coffee. If answers seem to come to you out of nowhere when you’re riding your bike or even simply taking a walk, there might be more biology taking place and less mere coincidence.

Schedules, timelines, and plans are great. But sometimes you need to light your timeline on fire, do some Zumba around it, and then start from scratch.

4. Read

If you feel like your mind and heart are turning into a bowl of bland mush, maybe it’s time to add some flavor back in with a few good books. If you need some ideas, check out my list of top 21 books for twentysomethings.

Inspiration is just waiting to be discovered and devoured in the middle of a good book. Take the author up on their years of hard work and gracious offer to help you move forward.

5. Keep Showing Up

Sometimes the most inspired thing you can do is to just keep showing up when inspiration is out on a Caribbean cruise and not returning any of your phone calls.

Sometimes inspiration only comes from consistently plugging away and fighting through the wall that blocked your way.

Sometimes you can only find inspiration by continuing to move forward when you’re completely uninspired. The act of doing that only thing that can dislodge the motivation that has been stuck.

Don’t wait for inspiration, fight for it.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

What’s one strategy you use to re-gain your inspiration?

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Published on January 15, 2014 23:49

January 1, 2014

21 Secrets for your 20s

The #1 post on All Groan Up in 2013 that helped kick-start it all. Thank you for being a part of this Groan Up community. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for all of us in 2014.

1. Never looking at your budget and never making a budget is the exact same thing.

2. The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you’re not willing to be embarrassed, you’re probably not willing to be great.

3. Feel no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist. We all have crap we try to wrap and hide under the Christmas tree. Get rid of it before it smells up your entire holiday.

4. All job listings on Craigslist lead you to a warehouse in downtown LA “wearing something nice with shoes you can walk in”.

5. Don’t ever, ever check Facebook when you’re:

A. Depressed

B. Drinking.

C. Depressed and Drinking.

D. Unemployed.

E. Anytime after 9:17 pm.

F. Struggling with being blessed with singleness while all your friends seem to be blessed with 2.4 kids and that blazing white-picket-fence shining with the glory of Jesus Christ himself.

6. All those amazing college friends you swore you’d never lose contact with after college yeah, well, you might lose contact. Moving all over the country, getting married, having kids, all make that forty-five minute conversation with your sophomore roommate a little more complicated than it used to be over a game of Mario Kart. Making and keeping friends in our twenties takes intentionality.

7. Your twenties will produce more failures than you’ll choose to remember. The key is when you fail, don’t begin calling yourself a failure.

8. Every break up has two break ups. I’m no physicist, but this is a law of physics, of this I am certain. Yes you’ll have the first tearful “It’s over” sitting in the front seat of your Honda or on a park swing. Then 1-2 months later after there’s “been talk”, you’ll have the “real breakup” because she forgets to call like she used to or he checks out the waitress like he’s a judge for Miss USA. And gird those loins because in the second break up there will be a lot more breaking.

9. The Freshman-Fifteen is nothing compared to the Cubicle-Cincuenta. Don’t sit at your computer perched like a Roman gargoyle. Don’t let office birthday cake be forced on you like a cigarette behind your middle school. Bust out before your butt does.

10. And yes, cubicles don’t make sense to anybody other than upper-management. I would be willing to bet that only 3% of all “Cubicle Americans” actually have a positive outlook on life. And half of that 3% is stealing from their company.

11. If at some point between 22 – 27 you feel like you’re six years old again, lost and alone at the San Diego Zoo (it’s a big-frickin-zoo), frantically searching for a familiar face – hold tight, you’re experiencing a bit of a Quarter-Life Crisis. Stay put. Pray a lot. And in no time someone will call your name across the loud speaker to tell you where you can be found.

12. Reckless drinking and reckless flirting have a direct correlation. Friends don’t let friends drive, or flirt, drunk.

13. If you grew up going to church, at some point in your 20′s you’ll probably stop going to church. If you grew up with faith as a central part of your life, at some point in your twenties faith might move to the outskirts of town next to the trailer park and three-legged squirrel refuge. Your twenties are a process of making faith your own apart from your parents and childhood. Sometimes that means staggering away so you know what you’re coming back to.

14. Don’t ever begin dating someone you first met whilst in swimsuits. Doubly-don’t if you’re both in swimsuits whilst holding an alcoholic beverage.

15. Obsessive Comparision Disorder is the smallpox of our generation. 9 out of 10 doctor’s agree this disorder is the leading cause to eating a whole sleeve of Oreo’s while watching Real Housewives of OC. Say no to obsessive comparison disorder before it starts. Remember everyone’s too busy putting a PR spin on their Facebook profile to care much about yours.

16. Life will never feel like it’s “supposed to”. Being twentysomething can feel like death by unmet expectations. However, let me be so brash to say that you are right now, at this moment, exactly where you need to be. But you’ll only be able to see that five years and thirty-eight days from today.

17. You might have your first kid and realize what it’s like to be young, a parent, and have no freaking clue what you’re doing. And for the first time in your life, you also might actually understand your parents for the first time.

18. Marriage WILL NOT fix any of your problems. No, instead marriage will put a magnifying glass on how many problems you really have. We grow up carrying bags with our insecurities, fears, bad relationships, problems with our parents — you name it. Begin to ditch these bags now. Newly married and living in a small apartment is no place to store a luggage set full of shiz.

19. An assortment of crappy jobs are a twentysomething rite of passage. Figure out what you need to learn there and learn it. If you don’t, an assortment of crappy jobs might be your thirty, forty and fiftysomething rite of passage as well.

20. Great ideas alone mean nothing. Your ability to persevere through 16 major setbacks, a lack of passion, forgetting why you started this great idea in the first place, and all the people who allude that your great idea is actually quite terrible — well, that means everything.

21. The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there and realize it’s because of all the manure.

Bonus 22: Snag 80 more secrets for your twenties in my debut book 101 Secrets for your Twenties (Moody Publishers). You’ll like it. I promise. But don’t take my word for it, I’m biased. Check out what readers are saying about the book on Amazon.

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Published on January 01, 2014 23:07

December 30, 2013

Top 21 Books for Twentysomethings

The #2 most popular post on All Groan Up in 2013!

I still can’t believe my debut book 101 Secrets for your Twenties is on paper and in bookstores. Still feels surreal. As of Dec. 31, 2013 it has 101 5-Star reviews on Amazon and is currently on its third print! Thank you for your incredible support for 101 Secrets and your help in de-bunking the lie that we’re alone in this twentysomething struggle.

And what better way to celebrate the success of the book than to talk about the 21 books that influenced me on this quest for finding the twentysomething secrets.

The list below is entirely non-fiction. Some I’ve just recently been introduced to. Others have been with me for the entire decade. I often get asked what books I’d recommend for twentysomethings. Now here it is!

How many of these books below have you read? What books have been crucial for you that I left out? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Top 21 Books for Twentysomethings

1. Man’s Search for Meaning – Victor Frankl

Writing about his survival of concentration camps, Vicktor Frankl’s powerful book shows twentysomethings the power of hope and belief to get us through any situation. (Link to Man’s Search for Meaning)

2. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation – Parker Palmer

If your grandpa, who just happened to be an incredibly wise, well-spoken educator who is 100% authentic and honest, just took a day and talked you through how to truly find what you love by looking at your life, this would be that book. (Link to Let Your Life Speak)

3. Into the Wild – Jon Krakauer

Into the Wild is a powerful and provocative warning that we need to know, and be known. So much so, that in my book it became Secret #14 — “Don’t go Into the Wild all by yourself.” (Link to Into the Wild)

4. Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes – William Bridges

Life after college is one of the most significant transitions we will ever go through. William Bridges provides a stellar framework for how to handle transitions and not freak out! (well at least not too much). (Link to Transitions)

5. Amusing Ourselves to Death – Neil Postman

We are obese on information and entertainment – useless facts that are high in fat and sugar, and that require us to do absolutely nothing. This is an incredibly timely and needed book for plugged-in twentysomethings. And it was written in the 1980′s. (Link to Amusing Ourselves to Death)

Read my full review of Amusing Ourselves to Death.

6. They Don’t Teach Corporate in College – Alexandra Levit

A no BS, honest, practical, tactical handbook for entering the workforce. (Link to They Don’t Teach Corporate in College)

7. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years – Donald Miller

Encouraging book for twentysomethings looking to take an active role in their own life story. (Link to A Million Miles)

8. The World is Flat – Thomas Friedman

“On such a flat earth, the most important attribute you can have is creative imagination.” – Thomas Friedman.

In the infancy stages of All Groan Up, I did a video review of the World is Flat – full of stop-motion, phrases like “Wii me please“, and the like. If you want to have a 300 page book given to you in three minutes, check it out. (Link to The World is Flat)

9. How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

It released way back in 1936 and continues to stay a bestseller. (Link to How to Win Friends)

10. Defining Decade – Meg Jay

A recent book that’s making a giant splash. The basic premise – your twenties are not a throw-a-way decade. When her Ted talk came out, I had email after email telling me I needed to check it out. (Link to Defining Decade)

11. Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom

The book is a beautiful reminder on how to live the beginning of our story from someone at his end. (Link to Tuesdays With Morrie)

12. Life After College – Jenny Blake

Presents practical and insightful “tips & resources for life, work, money, happiness, personal growth & productivity”. (Link to Life After College).

13. No Man is an Island – Thomas Merton

Written by a Catholic monk, this book is packed with so much wisdom on spirituality and living life well, that you could sit with this book for a year and just scratch the surface. (Link to No Man is an Island).

14. Life After Art – Matt Appling

An encouraging and challenging read about our ability and need to create as we grow up. (Link to Life After Art).

15. The Book of Awesome – Neil Pasricha

One. This book is hilarious and insightful.

Two. There was a lot of heartbreak that lead to so much awesome. As author Neil Pasricha described on Huffington Post:

“My best friend took his own life and my wife and I went separate ways. We sold our house, I moved to a tiny apartment, and I tried to get things back on track by talking about one simple, universal little joy every single day — like snow days, bakery air, or watching The Price Is Right when you’re at home sick.”

When life is tough you just have to laugh at the small sweet goodness that weaves through the details. (Link to The Book of Awesome)

16. Start – Jon Acuff

The subtitle is: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average, and Do Work that Matters.

Enough said. (Link to Start)

17. The War of Art – Steven Pressfied

For any twentysomething trying to create something worth creating, this is your battle guide. (Link to The War of Art)

18. Me 2.0: Build a Powerful Brand to Achieve Career Success – Dan Schwabel

Dan Schwabel brings a field-guide to the importance of building your brand online and off. (Link to Me 2.0)

19. The Last Lecture – Randy Pausch

A small, powerful book of a dying man sharing his secrets of success as he nears the finish line. (Link to the Last Lecture)

20. Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy and Fairy Tale – Frederick Buechner

As I struggled with my own faith in my 20s this book was paramount in helping me wrestle with the questions in an authentic and honest way. (Link to Telling the Truth)

21. Oh, the Places You’ll Go! – Dr. Seuss

Because you’re never too old for Dr. Seuss. (Link to Oh, the Place You’ll Go!)

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below: Have you read any of the books above?

What other books have influenced you in your 20s?

If you buy any of these amazing books through the links above, you’re also helping support the work here at All Groan Up as well! Double-win!

Snag a FREE portion of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.

Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

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Published on December 30, 2013 20:14

December 29, 2013

25 Signs You are Having a Quarter Life Crisis

The #3 most viewed article on All Groan Up in 2013

1. You glare at your cat in the morning as you get ready for work and say, “God, I wish I had your life.”

2. “Am I ever going to feel like myself again?” Is something you ask. Every day.

3. A Bon Iver or John Mayer song comes on and you start crying. By yourself, or around friends. Or in the middle of a coffee shop as strangers slowly usher their children away.

4. “When is life going to feel like it’s supposed to?” Is something you ask. Every day.

5. You’re reading this article right now because you Googled: “Quarter Life Crisis?”

6. Visualizing yourself 15 years from now doing your bosses job makes you throw up a little in your mouth.

7. You’re having arguments with your mom again about cleaning your bathroom and being home at a reasonable hour.

8. Your monthly routine of expenses being greater than your income is dawning on you as a serious problem.

9. You’re having arguments with your newly cemented spouse and/or roommate that sound awfully like the arguments your parents used to have, that you swore you’d never have, yet are having.

10. You’ve moved six times in the last four years.

B. You’ve had six jobs in the last four years.

C. You’ve had six boyfriends in the last four years.

D. You’ve had six girlfriends in the last four years.

E. You’ve had no boyfriends/girlfriends in the last six years and you’re scared your boyfriending or girlfriending is broken.

11. You’d pay top dollar for a moment of clarity.

12. That young mom with the crazy hair and stains on her shirt and bags under her eyes that kind of smells like rotten milk who you rolled your eyes at throughout college. Yeah, well you roll your stroller into a coffee shop after waking up six times with your baby and see a college girl look you up and down with that same disgust. And it takes everything within you not to walk over to that snooty college princess and punch her in the face.

13. Your part-time, temporary job at Starbucks has lasted three and ½ years.

14. You binge on buying brand names to try and cover up that you’re broke.

15. You find yourself repelled and compelled by church at the same time. You ask God for help one day and then you’re yelling at him the next. Your faith is a roller coaster and you’re pretty sure your seat belt is about to come undone.

16. You see so clearly the two roads in front of you. A life of comfort and a life of risk. And you’re not sure you have the right car or directions to go down either one.

17. You surf the internet so much at work every day that you literally hit a point where you don’t know what else to search for.

18. You laughed, and cried, when you read 21 Secrets for your 20’s.

19. Making a budget is completely debilitating.

Even thinking about doing your taxes. Debilitating.

Buying groceries. Debilitating.

Doing dishes. Cooking dinner. Looking for a job. Calling your mom back. Calling your best friend back. Picking up the phone at all. DEBILI-FRICKING-TATING.

So you watch four seasons in a row of _________, while Facebook stalking exes and enemies.

20. The phrase you dread hearing the most at work is, “Congratulations, you’re getting a promotion.”

21. You feel like every time you’re a bridesmaid/groomsman, an angel loses it’s wings.

22. You dream about going back and punching your Smug-College-Self who was so sure had all the answers.

23. You seek out a mentor for answers one week and you avoid them like the 8th grader with bad BO, the next.

24. You have no idea where to go for answers.

Yet…

25. You’re 99.7% sure a road-trip would fix everything

Snag a FREE portion of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.

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Published on December 29, 2013 22:07

December 28, 2013

11 Questions Every Twenty-Something Needs to Ask

The #4 most popular post on All Groan Up in 2013

Creative Commons -Designm.ag: Design by Paul Angone

“What now?” is the question that plagues us in our 20′s like chickenpox. The more we scratch, the worse it itches. The overwhelming vagueness of “what am I doing with my life?” crushing us like the bully who sat on our head in 3rd grade.

Our 20′s can feel like being smothered in questions, but if we don’t ask the RIGHT questions then we’ll forever remain stuck.

After years of struggle, studying, searching, and being un-glamorously squashed over and over again, here’s what I believe are THE 11 QUESTIONS every twenty-something needs to ask to be successful.

11 Questions Every Twenty-Something Needs to Ask

1. Do the people I’m surrounded by bring me life?

Are your friends taking steps forward or are they still playing beer-pong in the basement? Do you leave hanging out with friends feeling anxious or alive? Are your friends anvils tied around your ankles or jet-packs helping you fly? Your life will resemble the lives of your closest friends — does that fact excite you or freak you out?

2. Who inspires me the most?

Think about the one person you most want to emulate? Who is it? Now what is it about their story or character that draws you to them? Write down the words that come to mind. The person you want to be like the most tells you a lot about who you hope to become.

3. What are my favorite stories?

What are your top three movies? Is there a common thread that runs through each story? If you want to see what matters most to you, look at the stories that resonate the closest.

The common thread that runs through my favorite movies– the underdog who perseveres through pain, thrives from their authentic self, and succeeds at something sane people would never attempt. Your core values are laying on the surface of your favorite stories.

4. Would I want to live with me?

Before you start thinking about living with someone else, do you even want to live with yourself? Have you opened up your closet doors and faced your monsters? Too many people go into relationships hoping that it will fix all their problems, when it actually has the magical ability to show you how many problems you really have. Like a third-rate magician, marriage puts big things behind a curtain, but does nothing to make it disappear. If you don’t like living with yourself, is it fair to ask someone else to do the same?

5. Do I love from my insecurities or do I love from my strengths?

What’s the difference? Loving from your insecurities demands from others. Loving from your strengths gives to them. Loving out of your insecurities does not want to see people succeed more than yourself. Loving from your strengths hears of other’ s success and is the first to celebrate with them. Loving from insecurities daily demands “what are you going to do for me?” Loving from your strengths asks others, “what can I do for you?” Too many people love from their insecurities, and that’s not love.

6. Where am I ripe with talent and where do I quickly deflate?

We all have talent. And we all have loads of non-talent we keep trying to transform into talent. Write down a few things you’re talented at and a few things you’re not. Then focus on the things you’re good at. Stop trying to chip away at that solid cement block when you have a soft block of cheese just waiting to be devoured.

7. What are my favorite hobbies/things I do for fun, and is there something there I can leverage into a career or product?

I heard John Saddington speak, a seriel entrepenur who’s probably best known for creating Standard Theme for WordPress, and he urged us to examine our hobbies. You’ve spent more time doing something than most people have in the world, how can you leverage that experience into something that could make you money? For John Saddington, he loved online computer games, so he started a online dating service for gamers. He knew the gaming world and he knew websites, put those two together and he had an over-night success.

For me, it’s telling stories. So I started writing them down.

8. What’s the main thing that’s holding me back?

Is it an addiction? Anxiety attacks? Depression. An obsession with pinning pictures of rock-hard abs on Pinterest while drinking? What is the main thing that is keeping you from moving forward and who can help you cut the chain?

9. What are my negotiables and non-negotiables?

What are you willing to give up and what are you going to cling tight to? Are you willing to move anywhere, but you’ll never take a job that expects more than 40 hours a week? Is job flexibility a non-negotiable or is it job-stability? Write a list of non-negotiables and negotiables, and then do your best to stick to that list.

10. What breaks my heart?

What injustice makes you angrier than a parrot being poked with a stick? And what’s something you can do about it right now? Knowing what breaks your heart can clarify what makes you feel whole.

11. At 29 years and 364 days, if I accomplished just one thing, what do I want it to be?

If you only had the choice to accomplish just one thing in your 20′s, what would it be? How do you take one step toward that today? Our twenties can feel like trying to walk with shoes covered in fast-dry cement, so how do we keep moving forward? Is it a phone call to ask for an informational interview? Is it asking a crush out on a date? Is it making an appointment with a counselor? What’s one small thing you can do today, so that you can go even further tomorrow?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below: How would you answer one of these questions above?

Snag a FREE portion of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.

Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

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Published on December 28, 2013 19:58

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