Paul Angone's Blog, page 19

Why your Quarter Life Crisis is the best thing that could have happened to you

 The #5 most popular post on All Groan Up in 2013

Quarter-Life Crisis (def): Experienced in one’s twenties, involving anxiety/fear/confusion over the direction and quality of one’s life. Not sure if what you’re experiencing has the makings of one? Here’s 25 signs it might be a quarter life crisis.

But what if I told you that experiencing a quarter life crisis is the best thing that can happen to you?

Yes, this turbulent season in your 20′s where you’re emerging into adulthood, and in the process, feel like you’re getting the insides ripped out of you like crab legs at a Las Vegas buffet. Yes, this season will be the most important season of development in your entire life.

Let me explain.

 

 

Life Lived Linear

Growing up we live life so linear. Middle school. High School. College. Grad School. Cubicle job.

Climb that step so you can climb the next and the next and the next…

don’t question. don’t look back. don’t turn.

Climb you fool. Climb!

higher.faster.farther.further.

We earn degrees, corner offices, 401k’s — but is plodding up a stairwell the way we want to live?

Time to Explore

The Quarter-life Crisis is simply when you finally stop climbing the stairs and start exploring the unknowns of the 15th floor.

The door locks behind you. You strain your eyes but can only make out a dimly lit hall that appears to never end. You feel stuck in a Stephen King novel and at any second train headlights might start hurdling toward you.

No syllabus. No textbook. No professor with a flashlight to shed light on all the answers.

No, just you and an endless amount of rooms.

All you can do is start opening doors.

And it’s a tad terrifying, if we’re honest. Because exploring the dark has always been that way.

Because we’ll enter rooms that smell like mothballs and old pee.

Because we’ll get lost and there’s no assurance that we’ll ever find our way out.

Value of the Quarter-Life Crisis

But the more rooms we go in, the more the maze begins to make sense. Exploring in the dark is not easy. But our eyes begin to adjust. We start learning how to really see.

We learn how to fail.

And struggle.

And persevere.

We learn that sometimes life must suck before it’s sweet.

We learn that sometimes life will dismantle you so that you can be rebuilt. 

We learn how to explore again like we’re eight years old in the field behind our house.

Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.”

― Gilda Radner

We think back to our life on the stairwell and realize it wasn’t much of a life after all.

So yes, I’d rather we experience crisis now. I’d rather we ask questions when we’re twenty-six years old and have the rest of our lives to live it. Than when we’re freaking-fifty-five with so much of our lives already cashed in.

Lost With Confidence

A Quarter-Life crisis, as Professor Robert Quinn writes in Deep Change, is really about being willing to get “lost with confidence”.

I can honestly say now, I’m thankful for my quarter-life crisis.

If we don’t learn how to explore now, then we’ll really be lost later. 

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

Have you experienced moments of Quarter Life Crisis? Can you see any ways it’s benefited you?

Snag a FREE portion of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.

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<p>Related posts:<ol>
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<li><a href='http://allgroanup.com/featured/the-li...' rel='bookmark' title='The Lies of the 15th Floor, aka, Why All Groan Up Exists'>The Lies of the 15th Floor, aka, Why All Groan Up Exists</a></li>
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17 Signs You are Actually, gasp, an ADULT

 The #6 most popular post on All Groan Up in 2013

Have you ever wondered — am I really an adult? I mean, who decides when and where we become this ambiguously mature word?

Read these 17 signs to see just how emerging into adulthood you really are. If none of them apply to you, keep on playing video games until 2am whilst eating cereal. If all 17 ring your name, start looking for mini-vans and re-allocating your IRA my friend.

 

Original photo by the Photography Muse – Creative Commons

 

17 Signs You are Emerging into Adulthood

1.  Ikea has become your Disneyland

2.  Sleep goes from being your nemesis who you avoid, to your best friend whom you wish would come over more often.

3.  Finishing an entire season of your favorite show in a day doesn’t quite feel like the accomplishment it used to.

4.  If all the work emails you’ve read and written were placed side by side, they would cross the Atlantic Ocean. There and back.

5.  Your body begins to ache from your vigorous lack of movement.

6.  Debt goes from being this fairy tale to be repaid in a land far, far, away. To your daily reality show.

 

Photo by David Levitz – Creative Commons

 

7.  Memories of how you’re going to feel Sunday morning actually begin to factor into your decisions on Saturday night.

8.  A Christmas sweater with a reindeer on it feels like a good idea. And you’re not being ironic.

9.  You’ve mastered the interview this is my dream job nod-and-smile for a job you don’t want and can’t believe you’re applying for.

10.  Facebook goes from being a hobby, to an obsession, to a chore you dread.

11.  93% of the photos on your phone are of your pet or baby. The remaining pictures are things you’re trying to sell on Craigslist to make room for your pet or baby.

12.  The thought of buying a new sofa or kitchen appliance makes you as giddy as a 12-year-old at a Justin Bieber concert.

13.  You start cushioning all vacations with an extra day off for “recovery time.”

14.  You don’t spend the week organizing your plans for Saturday night. No, organizing is your plans for Saturday night.

15.  You haven’t sprinted in two years. Something you realize too late as you try to dash across the street to avoid oncoming traffic, only to pull muscles you forgot you had.

16.  Classical music becomes this weird, welcomed breather. Doing the dishes becomes your relaxing getaway. You’d pay $50 for an hour of silence.

17. You now understand what your parents meant when they said, “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Relate to any of these? What did I miss?

Snag a FREE portion of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

Related posts:
29 Signs You Are …whew… Not That Adult
11 Signs You’re Becoming Like Your Parents
The greatest thing about becoming an adult (and I promise it is not what you think)

5 Lies Twenty-Somethings Need to Stop Believing

Thank you for making 2013 a life-changing year here at All Groan Up!

This year we saw the release of my debut book 101 Secrets for your Twenties, I quit my day job, and am now pursuing full-time my passion to be the lead narrator of the twentysomething story. And it’s all because of your support and sharing of “All Groan Up” articles with your friends. Thank you! The community and conversation that we’ve created here is extraordinary and I love how we are supporting each other through our twenties.

To celebrate the year it’s been I’ll be running a countdown of the top seven posts on All Groan Up in 2013, starting with 5 Lies Twenty-Somethings Need to Stop Believing.

You’re amazing. You look wonderful. And I can’t wait to rock the face off 2014. Enjoy!

 

Picture by Designm.ag – Creative Commons. Design by Paul Angone

 

Too many twenty-somethings are driving through the twists and turns of their 20′s with windshields covered in mud, lies, and half-truths. And then we wonder why so many of us have crashed?

We need to hose these lies off right now or spend our 20′s stuck on the side of the road.

If we’re going to walk forward with the answers to the major questions we should be asking, successfully navigating our twenties, then we need to stop believing the following lies right now:

5 Lies Twenty-Somethings Need to Stop Believing. Right! Now!

 

1. I’m the Only One Struggling

WHAT A LIE!

If you’ve read much on All Groan Up, you know that I’d love to lock this lie away in a Serbian prison and give the key to a pack of Arctic wolves to defend. You are not alone in your struggle, questions, wondering what’s next?, now what?, or do I have what it takes?

Our 20′s are tough. That’s the truth. Too many twenty-somethings are struggling through a quarter-life crisis all alone.

We all need help. We all need support. We all need nudges, prompts, advice, and encouragement.

No one has it all figured out.

The twenty-somethings who think they do are the ones in for the biggest shock of them all.

2. I Should Be Successful by Now! Like Right Now!

WHAT A LIE!

I fully expected to walk straight into a crazy-successful twenty-something life with accolades,  salaries, bonuses, a big-ol-fat-book-deal, and a plethora of people who wanted to learn my secrets to success, all by 23 years old. Maybe 25 if I really hit some serious setbacks.

I didn’t realize that success takes time — loads of time.

Success is not an Egg McMuffin, delivered to us for a $3, three minute investment.

No, success is the Sistine Chapel — it takes years, pain, frustration, thousands of brushes, colors, and crumpled up sketches before you have your masterpiece.

Countless famed figures we idolize, like Abraham Lincoln, failed drastically in their 20′s. Success is not a sprint, it’s an Ironman marathon and our 20′s aren’t really about running the actual race. No, our 20′s are simply about building our endurance so that we can run the race in the future.

If you take one step towards your dream today, you are a success.

Success happens in the details.

3. Life is Not Turning Out Like it Was Supposed To

WHAT A LIE!

Well, kind of. Yes, life is not turning out like it was supposed to, but what the heck is supposed to? There is no supposed to. Supposed to is a lie. Supposed to is built on the perception of someone else’s perceived success. Live your life right now exactly as it is and do your best to keep moving forward into where you want to go. That’s what you’re supposed to do.

4. I Don’t Have What it Takes

WHAT A LIE!

I 100% guarantee you have what it takes. I triple-stamp a double-stamp, 100% money-back guarantee you have what it takes.

It’s just going to take some time to figure out what exactly “it” is.

Our 20′s are a process not a surprise party.

You don’t just walk into the door and all of the sudden your calling jumps out from behind the couch.

You’re extremely talented at something. We just need to start pulling off the layers to get a glimpse of what that something is.

5. I am a Failure

WHAT A LIE!

The only failure of our 20′s would be if we never had any.

The only failure of our 20′s is if we fail and then call ourselves failures.

Our 2o’s are going to be riddled with failure. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a liar.

Failure is not a period, it’s a comma. And only if you stop trying will you really fail.

There’s only one way to be successful in our twenties — fail, tweak, then try again.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below:

What lie is holding you back?

Snag a FREE portion of my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

Related posts:
11 Questions Every Twenty-Something Needs to Ask
The Lies of the 15th Floor, aka, Why All Groan Up Exists
12 Facebook Status Updates that Should Stop Happening

9 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating

 

When I was dating I remember constantly being smothered with one giant question like a bloated bear was sitting on my head, refusing to move.

Is this “The ONE?”

That was the point of dating right? To magically stumble upon The One like the gold at the end of a rainbow.

But how are you supposed to know which one is the right one? 

Instead of being constantly squashed by the GIANT QUESTION, ask yourself and your relationship these nine questions instead.

These question will help you get to “I Do” instead of “What the heck am I doing?”

Original Photo by Leland Francisco

9 Questions You Need to Ask When Dating

 

1. Do I want to become like this person?

Marriage is like rolling Play-Doh, the more the two colors are meshed together the harder it becomes to distinguish one from another.

In marriage you begin to rub off on each other, subtly taking on traits and characteristics of the other.

Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of Play-Doh?

Yes you still are your own person. And you need to have your own identity beyond them. But…

If you don’t want to become like the person you’re dating, maybe you shouldn’t be dating?

2. Am I attracted to this person? (and do I realize that attraction runs much deeper than looks)

One of the biggest lies of our culture is that attraction is all about appearance. (Tweet That)

If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then The One will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory.

But attraction runs much deeper than looks. Sure appearance might catch someone’s eye, but it’s personality, values, heart, past, present, and future that’s going to make them stay.

Your petals might be beautiful, but if you don’t have any nectar then the bees are just going to fly away.

I see too many dating couples that think the other person is good looking, trying to force and trap a true attraction that isn’t there.

Finding your spouse attractive is much more profound than simply thinking they’re bootylicious. (Tweet That)

3. Do our core values and beliefs repel or compel each other?

One of the greatest causes for conflict in marriage are contradicting core values.

I’d describe core values as beliefs that are fundamental to how you are wired, guiding your actions, thoughts, plans, and purpose on this earth.

We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions – problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are.

And if you don’t know you’re values, how can you expect your partner to have a clue?

Not all values are the same and sometimes you can have two very good people with very good values, but those values can feel at war with each other.

For example, you could have a high value for responsibility and the person you’re dating could have a high value for risk. Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.

Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity. I struggle being in a job, friendship, situations, etc. where I feel like I’m having to pretend to be someone else. It makes me feel anxious and that I’m lying.

How this plays out in my life, especially in the aspect of career, is that I struggle doing work I don’t believe in and isn’t aligned with who I am. Authenticity forces me to intensely evaluate why I’m doing what I’m doing and strive to do work aligned with my beliefs. Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy.

Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.

Too many marriages start (and end) with vague and un-identified core values.

4. Does this person challenge me to be a better, authentic version of myself?

Is your partner trying to force you to become like them? Become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination? Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you? Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top.

A spouse should be like a proficient gold miner, able to go beyond the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.

Is the person you’re dating like a magnet trying to bring the best of you to the surface?

Or are they trying to bury you under a pile of dirt?

5. How does their family communicate? (And am I comfortable if this person begins to communicate with me in the same way?)

We all go through intense communication training for years; it’s called childhood.

And it’s hard to un-wire 18 years of being shown how to talk and listen to others in family situations.

Sure we’re not our parents and we can work to change, but for many our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us.

Holidays especially are giving you a glimpse into how they’ve been taught and trained. Take notes so that you don’t flunk the test later.

6. Do they love from their insecurities or do they love from their strengths?

I first asked this question in 11 Questions Every Twentysomething Needs to Ask, and I think it boils down to this: Is their love based on YOU or is their love based on THEM?

Does their love demand? Or does there love give?

Love can be the worst form of manipulation there is. (Tweet That)

Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs.

Does your partner seek out ways to understand how you receive love and meet that need? Do you do the same?

If you or the person you’re dating loves out of their insecurities, their love will be needy and selfish.

When someone loves from their strengths they know who they are and are drawing from a deep, full well to give to you without demanding a drink in return.

7. Have you both tackled your monsters?

We all have insecurities, fears, failures, painful memories, and just all around unattractive stuff we’re hiding in the back of our closest.

Like that yearbook from our awkward years, we all have things we hope our partner will never lay eyes on.

However…

Just because you want to pretend your monsters don’t exist, doesn’t mean they’re just going to magically go away.

And marriage has the amazing ability to take all that you hoped remained hidden, and put it on stage for a nationally televised interview that your in-laws will be watching.

Tackle your monsters now. Don’t let them crush your relationship later.

As I wrote in 101 Secrets for your Twenties,

Newly married and living in a small apartment is no place to store a luggage set full of your baggage. Begin to ditch those bags now.

Right attracts right. And the more right you are, the more right your relationship will be.

8. Do we enjoy doing the mundane together?

Marriage is as every day as it gets. (Tweet That)

Marriage is budgets, laundry, broken toilets, work, weddings, funerals, births, and everything in between.

Can you envision enjoying every day life with the person you’re dating?

As I wrote in 101 Secrets for your Twenties,

If you don’t enjoy going to the grocery store with this person to buy eggs or changing the clothes at the laundromat, then you might not enjoy doing marriage. Because marriage is built on a million more mundane moments than magical.

9. What’s their vision for the future? Kids? Careers? Travel?

How do you envision marriage after 10 years? Are you traveling the world with your spouse? Do you have three kids encased in white picket glory? Are you both working corporate jobs? Are you doing missions work in a different country? Do you have six kids and are driving a bus across the nation to perform a family rhythmic gymnastics routine at county fairs?

Your plans, goals, and ideas of the future change–but people who refuse to talk about it rarely do.

If your visions for the future look very different, it’s better to discuss it now than to be surprised by it later.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments section on this article: 

What question resonates with you the most? 

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

Related posts:
10 Tips for Dating in Your 20′s
Why I Did NOT Kiss Dating Goodbye: Guest Post Michelle Acker
4 Objections to Early Marriage (and Why I am Glad I Did it Anyway)

4 Things More Effective Than a Business Card

Today All Groan Up is honored to welcome a guest post by the smart and funny Jen Glantz. Enjoy!

 

What I handed him looked like it had been places.

And it had. The 3×2 business card was glossed over with a raw shade of plum lipstick and defied the law of gravity by hanging on to the edge of his middle finger, thanks to the clump of gum that was clinging on to the back of the card.

The process of even finding the business card in the trenches of my purse took longer than an off-Broadway rendition of Hamlet. I had to get to the bottom. I pulled out a sock, followed by a half-eaten PBJ sandwich, followed by a curling iron all before Wuthering Heights and a yo-yo laughed their way to the tiled floor.

“Uhh—just friend me—on Facebook”, he said in the aftermath of experiencing a bundle of tampons explode out of my bag and land on his suede loafers.

Wow, you’re a disaster, he didn’t say. But I could tell by the swooshing of his eyebrows and his raised upper lip that he wanted to. He wanted to so badly.

Instead, he said, I’ll Google you, okay?  But it wasn’t okay. How many times do you get a chance to shake the hand of someone extraordinary in your career field? I’ve memorized this guy’s LinkedIn page, could recite four of his most recent tweets, and knew what clubs he was in at USC. This was my time to impress him, to hopefully one day work for him, to hand him one of the business cards that I spent $45 printing.  But I couldn’t even find them.

When I did, when I finally found a stack, I watched him toss the card in his pocket. The same pockets that would later dance around inside of a warm washing machine and turn my contact information into mush. Into the stuff that clings on to dark pants and is ultimately peeled off with a lint roller.

Business cards are a thing of the past. They can’t keep up with our conversations, our modes of contact, or our constantly changing job titles.

Here are four things more effective than a business card:

1. Start your own website.

You can get 250 business cards on Vistaprint.com for about $19.99. For that same price, you can buy a domain name on GoDaddy.com and host your own website. You’ll even have money left over to buy yourself a slice of pizza to eat as you upload your resume, post your cover letter, and add your portfolio to the site you’ll create for yourself. You don’t need to know HTML or write code to put this together. It can all be done with a couple of clicks and quick decisions using a WordPress template.

 2. Create an About.Me page

If you don’t have the spare change, the time, or the patience to make a website, there’s still options. You can put up all your contact information and any online links to social media accounts or work that you’ve done on an About.me page. You can customize it in minutes and make it go live in seconds. Here’s my page: http://about.me/jenglantz

 3. Keep your phone handy.

You probably bring your phone with you everywhere, even the bathroom. So, if you’re at a networking event or meet someone rad on the subway, pull out your phone and save their contact information there. That way, you’ll always have their digits or their email handy and can send them a virtual business card—aka your new personalized webpage.

4. Carry some old fashion pen and paper with you.

Girls, your purses carry everything else. And guys, if you can’t fit a mini note pad and a pen in your pocket, most places you go to will have something you can borrow. Just make sure you don’t leave a conversation or a meeting without their information. If they just take yours, you may never hear from them again.

Jen Glantz is the author of All My Friends Are Engaged, a book of dating disaster stories. She’s the heart behind the website The Things I Learned From and the biggest supporter of the NYC pizza industry. She’d love you to say hello: @tthingsilearned or thethingslearned@gmail.com.

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

Related posts:
Starting a Business with Your, Gasp, Passion
Pimp Your Job Search (4 Sizzling Strategies to Land Your Dream Job)
5 Greatest Obstacles Facing Twentysomethings (and how we overcome)

5 Greatest Obstacles Facing Twentysomethings (and how we overcome)

 

I thought my twenties would be about running full-speed the race I’d been preparing to win.

Instead I tripped at the starting line, looked up and saw a race filled with potholes, rings of fire, and dream-eating-alligators covering the path I thought would be smooth and straight.

The obstacles facing twentysomethings today are great. What are they and more importantly, how do we leap over them?

1. Informationized

Twentysomethings are being informationized, a barrage of “need to knows” being shot at us with every step.

With twentysomethings being exposed to 1 trillion messages a day – give or take a billion, information is no longer gold, it’s a trap.

When the shiny, new headline pops in front of our face we chase it around like an overly excited puppy.

But you can’t move forward with anything if you’re consistently reading about nothing. 

Reading the right information is becoming less important than blocking all the wrong.

How we overcome:

We need to start asking questions about our information intake. Do you need to turn off the Wifi at certain points during the day so you can focus on one task?

Do you need to stop watching the news about everything that’s going wrong in the world and just focus on what you can do right?

Know when enough info is enough. Death by information is a terrible way to die.

2. Social media

Social media can be like a bad high school party or something more meaningful – depending on how we use it.

Either social media is a black hole, sucking all your time, energy, and creativity into a vortex of zero returns.

Or social media can create a galaxy of opportunities, relationships, job opportunities, and platforms like never seen before.

Social media is the great amplifier, shouting the good and bad of YOU at record octaves. It takes your success, failures, fears, and puts them on stage for the world to judge. And how you’re presenting yourself on the social media stage can make all the difference.

How we overcome:

Is social media something you do intentionally or without any thought?

Is your social media presence proactive or reactive?

Are you strategically creating your online brand or are you letting others create the brand for you?

Social media is like a chainsaw. How you wield it is the difference between actually building something or just cutting everything down.

3. Stereotypes

As I wrote last week in “Enough with the Twentysomething Stereotypes!“, the same old buzzwords are being thrown around and adopted about everything twentysomethings “are doing wrong.”

We dare not stereotype based on gender, religion, race, sexual orientation, but if you stereotype based on age you’ll have a front cover story.

And if you’re twentysomething, your managers might have their own stereotypes about you based on your age before you even tackle a project.

The stereotypes might be subtle or incredibly pronounced, but you must be aware of how you are being perceived. Then do your best to take those stereotypes to the shredder and into the outgoing trash.

How we overcome:

As I wrote in my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties,

If you feel like you’re being stereotyped because of your age, your best ally is quiet confidence—a humble consistency that shows up and gets the job done. You don’t argue with them about your skill set, you just show them every single day how awesome your skills are.

It’s a tough, thankless gig, but soon, very soon, you’ll prove to them that you’re a person, not an age range.

4. Lackluster Economy  + Debt = Holy H0rse-Apple

You don’t need me to tell you that the economy has been a tad dumpsterish lately, with many twentysomethings taking out thousands of dollars in college loans for the grand opportunity to step up to the garbage bin to find that job in the rough. The Great Recession became a very depressing twentysomething reality.

How we overcome:

Instead of complaining about a lack of opportunity, we need to focus on creating them instead. Again as I wrote in 101 Secrets for your Twenties –

A college diploma is no longer your golden ticket into DreamJobLand. Your diploma is merely your Pinky Toe in the Door. It’s the small sliver of light and the “Okay, you’ve got one minute.”

And what you do with that minute is the difference between crossing into DreamJobLand or traveling back to LivinginYourParentsHouseAgainVille.

We can’t sit around and wait for an open door, we have to keep pounding on them until one busts open.

We can’t be reactive to the economy’s woes, we have to be proactive in finding needs and meeting them.

Opportunities for twentysomethings didn’t disappear, it just takes a little more hutzpah to uncover them.

5. Wasted Time

Now that I’m married with two daughters, I become a tad sick when I think about all the hours I wasted in my early twenties.

Time is your greatest asset. And for most twentysomethings, time is still on your side.

Just remember that time is a depleting supply.

As you possibly look to get married, buy a house, have kids, the time you’re going to have to pursue your dreams is going to be fleeting. For me, that meant working a full-time job, putting kids to bed, and then chasing my dream of becoming a full-time writer and speaker at 5:00 am or 10:00 pm, trying to ring productivity out of every free second.

How we overcome:

Wasting free time is very expensive. 

Make a schedule. Choose your time. Don’t let it choose you.

Wasting time becomes a never-ending carousel, anxiety multiplying with every turn.

Time is a gift. Unwrap it and use it wisely.

Your life might not be turning out nothing like you planned mainly because you never had a plan to begin with. Take time to make one.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below on this article:

What obstacles are you trying to overcome? 

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




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7 Life Lessons from Game of Thrones

It’s guest post Friday and today All Groan Up welcomes James White. Enjoy! 

 

You can learn a lot from Game of Thrones, if you pay attention. In the world of Westeros, you are lucky to make it past the age of 30, but if you do, you have most certainly learned enough to make you wise beyond your years.

Below are seven lessons you can learn by reading this hit series.

7 Life Lessons from Game of Thrones

1. “Every man must die, Jon Snow. But first, he must live.” – Ygrette

Our inevitable death is sometimes a joy killer but this quote reminds us to focus not on death but on life and what we can accomplish with our life.

2. “The storms come and go, the waves crash overhead, the big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on paddling.” – Varys

Varys brought himself to power by knowing when to blend in the background and when to stick out. If you want to be successful in life, be patient and strategize. Varys plans took years to be brought about because he knew how to pull the strings without getting eaten by a bigger fish.

3. “A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.” –Tyrion

Read! Read! Read! You have an indispensable tool at your fingertips called the Internet. Learn as much as you can and then keep learning more. Just like Tyrion, what will get you through life is knowledge and wisdom so learn from those who came before you.

4. “A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better.” –Arya Stark

Bruises, both physical and mental lessons, will help teach and mold you into a better person. Bruises hurt and so do some lessons but take what you learn to heart and it will keep you alive.

5. Pay Your Debts Quickly

The only lesson that’s not a quote but lesson still holds true throughout the book. If you are in debt, you’re a slave. Pay off your debts as quickly as possible so it can’t be loomed over your head. And, if possible, don’t owe any debts.

6. “Words are Wind”

This phrase was said multiple times throughout the book series. Actions always speak louder than words. If you want someone to believe you, show your worth through your actions. Vice versa, don’t always take what someone says as true. If anything, get it in writing so they can prove themselves with actions.

7. “Everyone wants something. And when you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him” – Littlefinger

The book How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches the same lesson as Littlefinger. You must give in order to take. Just asking for something won’t always get you what you want, instead learn what the person, friend, boss or family member wants and how you can help them. Once you help them, they will be more willing to help you.

James is a freelance writer and photographer who is currently working on his business degree. Read more articles from James on his blog Infobros.com or follow him on Twitter.

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Enough with the Twentysomething Stereotypes!

The great chasm between Boomers and Millennials these days can feel like crossing the Grand Canyon on a three-legged donkey.

Or so it feels.

And to try and reach the other side faster we bridge the Understanding-Gap with stereotypes.

We want to find out what’s happening on the other side and instead of taking the time to travel there to see for ourselves, we listen to those who swear they’ve been there and know all their weaknesses.

And at the core there seems to be one question at the forefront of all debates and articles – What’s wrong with twentysomethings these days? 

Like The Most Interesting Man in the World – Millennials seem to be a walking paradox that makes for great entertainment.

Entitled. Narcissistic. Lazy. The Facebook Generation all about instant gratification. Generation Me.

We need to stop throwing out the same tired buzzwords to define the “twentysomething problem”. (Click to Tweet)

We read a NY Times or Huffington Post article and think we have Millennials pegged.

Why is it that stereotyping certain topics is completely taboo, yet stereotyping an entire generation is all the rage? 

As I wrote in my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties, “why do we think an entire generation can be summed up with a two paragraph label like a box of Wheat Thins?”

Because it’s not entitlement or narcism or laziness that is expanding the chasm between Millennials and Boomers–it’s the stereotypes.

The Danger of Generational Stereotypes

Many of us are not taking the time to truly understand Millennials because it’s much easier to have the three word answer than to take the time and effort to ask the right questions.

Buzzwords can’t be gospel truth.

Some twentysomethings will act entitled, some won’t.

Some will have an IV of technology hooked to their veins, some will like the feel and smell of a good book.

Some will persevere and work their ass off, some will take repeated naps and watch Netflix.

Some will get married young, some will cast marriage off like a pair of worn tennis shoes.

Some are immersed in social media, and yet at the same time feel very alone.

Yes we can make generalizations to try and understand, but let’s be careful not to treat generalizations as facts. Because the problem is that these stereotypes become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Stereotypes become your reality.

If you think twentysomethings are entitled, then you’re going to continually look at twentysomethings through that lens. Your perception will define your reality. You won’t look for examples of self-sacrifice or hard work because that would be contrary to the truth you already know.

Because you’ve read a Huffington Post article on Millennials doesn’t mean you understand them. (Click to Tweet) 

Because you have twentysomething children does not mean you know what all twentysomethings are going through.

There’s 80 million Millennials today who are each complex, unique individuals.

Millennials, just like every generation, have grown up in a wide array of circumstances and backgrounds specific to this time in history. And they’re going through a real struggle of transition, uncertainty, doubt, depression, and frustration as life has turned out nothing like they planned.

And just because you don’t want to acknowledge that the struggle is legitimate doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

I’ve spent close to a decade researching emerging adulthood, writing about what is truly at the heart of the twentysomething struggle, and I will not be so brash or arrogant to say that I have them completely pegged.

So how do we move beyond stereotypes and actually bridge the Generational Understanding-Gap towards healthy, productive, edifying relationships between generations?

Open, Authentic, Conversations

Both Boomers and Millennials need to come to the table and have open, honest conversations.

Boomers would do us well to remember, and Millennials would do well to forget.

Boomers need to remember what it was like to be in their twenties to help Millennials through their questions.


Millennials need to forget about having all the answers, and be open and vulnerable to learning from those who have gone before.

Parents, bosses, pastors remember when you were anxious about the future and overwhelmed with doubt? Where you were barely getting by yourself and struggling to find your place?

Millennials weren’t around when our parents were thick in the struggle.

Millennials didn’t see our parent’s sacrifice as much as we saw our parent’s success.

Boomers the more real and honest you can be about the difficulties you faced growing up, the closer the Understanding-Gap will become. If bosses can go back and remember how they felt when they were nothing in the office, they can help empathize with twentysomethings and help them find productive ways to grow, instead of casting them aside as lazy.

The biggest obstacle facing most Millennials today in the office is not a lack of work ethic, but a lack of understanding.

Twentysomethings are desperate for mentors who are willing to tell the truth of their own struggle. (Click to Tweet)

As 74-year-old author Parker Palmer wrote:

“When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about their darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known … I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.” – Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

Boomers. Millennials. There’s similarities in our struggle. The more we can understand and identify with the other side, the less we’ll rely on stereotypes to bridge the gap.

I’d love to hear from you the comments below:

Have you experienced stereotypes because of your age?

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




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29 Signs You Are …whew… Not That Adult

Sure you’re in your twenties or thirties, but does that mean you’re actually an adult?

I wrote about the 17 Signs You’re…gasp…An Adult and if reading it gave you anxiety at the thought of becoming a full-fledged groan up, here are 29 signs you’re…whew…not that adult–many of them coming from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.

Read the list below and let us know how adult or un-adult you really are.

1. You still enjoy your birthday.

2. At the first sight of snow you hope work is canceled tomorrow.

3. You ironed your dress shirts for a month in your new job, and then decided a much easier strategy was to just stop believing that wrinkles exist.

4. You bring empty Tupperware to work to take home leftover office food.

5. You don’t have kids. Or dogs. But you have a gerbil! Or you used to have a gerbil. What, after the accident and all.

6. The thought of becoming an adult makes you toss up a few Fruity Pebbles.

7. You see nothing wrong with still eating Fruity Pebbles. For breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

8. TGIF still means something more to you (aka you still watch your DVD set of Boy Meets World or Step by Step).

9. You’ve said TMI, ”Totes”, or “Adorbs” in the last week.

10. Basically you’ve said any phrase from this Stuff Twentysomethings Say video below.

11. Come 8:00 p.m. you still have trouble telling the difference between hungry, thirsty, tired, or just bored. So you eat Little Caesar’s and Skittles.

12. You’re still a little pissed your parents turned your old bedroom into an art room/office. Seriously, did your time with them mean nothing?

13. You’ve stayed up until 2 a.m. at least once this week playing video games. Or you’ve stayed up until 2 a.m. this week doing anything, well anything other than taking part of a baby’s birth.

14. You spent an hour at work looking up Internet memes.

15. You know what an Internet meme is.

16. You still go to your parents’ house to do laundry.

17. You secretly hope when you go to your parents’ house to do laundry that your mom will do it for you.

18. And then you double-secretly-hope that while it’s in the dryer she’ll make you a sandwich and that dip you love.

19. You’re still on your parents’ cellphone plan.

20. You’re still on your parents’ car insurance.

21. You’re still driving your parents’ car.

22. You’re back living in your parents’ converted art room/office.

23. You think a 401(k) is a bike race down the West Coast.

24. You could sing five of the latest pop songs right now in their entirety.

25. You don’t feel even slightly embarrassed when someone catches you singing one of the latest pop songs in your car, eyes closed, at the top of your lungs. No, you actually feel a little proud and secretly hope they are a record producer who will approach you about your obvious talent and see if you want to record a demo.

26. You’ve purchased kale at the grocery store, but you’ve never actually eaten it.

27. You’ve purchased furniture from IKEA, but you trick your dad to come over and put it together for you.

28. The fact there’s a lake called Titicaca still makes you giggle. Seriously how did that made it past God and/or the Lake Naming Committee?

29. You see a high schooler walking down the street and think, Gosh, I want those pants.

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




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Top 7 Grown-Up Magical Powers

If you could have a groan-up magical power, what would it be?

With super-hero movies all the rage, who wouldn’t want some magical powers of our own to help us get through the mundane-ness of twentysomething life? Here are a few that could transform any adult life into something magical.

1.Weight Be Gone

The ability to lose weight as fast and as happily as I gained it.

Seriously. #1 power. No brainer.

2. Mary Poppins

Remember when she sang “just a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down” as she snapped her fingers, making the filthy room clean itself. What grown up wouldn’t want to have the Mary Poppins Power to clean that pile of dishes, organize the papers strewn across your desk, or clean the back of your car that you’re pretty sure is housing some sort of forrest animal with a quick snap of the fingers. Go ahead and pour some of that sugar on me.

Sidenote: And seriously Mary Poppins, a spoonful of sugar with medicine? What kind of nanny are you? Now are we talking a teaspoon of sugar or a serving spoon you’d use to dish up Potato Stew? Why not just pour the Robitussin in a bag of M&M’s, microwave it and give the kid a straw? 

3. 4:05

This is slightly more a James Bond-esque computer keyboard than magical power, but this power would allow you to press and hold Command Shift 4 0 5 at any point in the day and have it transport directly to 4:05. Sure we ‘d be fast forwarding most of our life and missing all of work. But lets be honest–we’d probably get just as much work done in a highly motivated 55 minutes than we did in the unmotivated eight hours.

Or instead we could start asking ourselves the right questions, define success in our own lives, explore, and learn the realistic way to find our dream job. But still, Command Shift 4 0 5 would be pretty sweet. Go ahead, try it. I won’t tell anyone. Did it work?

4. Back in Time

When nostalgia hits like the stomach flu, leaving you strung out on the couch watching Boy Meets World or Gilmore Girls wishing you could go back to when life made sense, the Back in Time magical power would allow you to transport back to any memory you dwell on for more than 60 seconds. That first kiss, winning catch, or sleepovers spent with your best friends could become your getaway from all groan up-ness. 

An added bonus: The more you use this power, the more you realize nostalgia is a liar. All those memories you swore were problem-free strangely enough having insecurities, fears, and problems of their own.

5. Dry Clean Only

Is there a more powerful Grown Up Kryptonite than Dry Clean Only. Just when you think you’re rocking adulthood like Bon Jovi playing at a 25 year high school reunion, you spill coffee on something dry clean only, leaving you to re-wear the same black dress pants every day of the week month.

The power to transform any filthy or wrinkled Dry Clean Only garment into something clean and crisp with the touch of a finger would be a midas touch worth possessing. Plus talk about a no-brainer side business or cool party trick.

(Sidenote: You might be officially all groan up if you think being able to remove all wrinkles from a pair of trousers with a touch of your finger is a cool party trick. Seriously, give me a shawl over my shoulders and a Murder She Wrote marathon as I try to keep those darn neighborhood youths off my lawn.)

6. Take It Back

I wrote in my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties that there are no take-backs in grown-up relationships. Whelp, with this magical power now there is. The Take It Back allows a quick 10 second rewind to the moment right before your foot was found wedged deeply in your mouth. When your girlfriend asks about your previous relationships and you decide to tell her everything. When your boss silently comes up behind to find you immersed in a game of Candy Crush. All you have to whisper is “Take it Back” and you my friend have a chance to do it better the second time.

7. Shop-less

With this grown up magical power you’ll never have to step foot in another grocery store, mall, or overpriced department store again. Nope with one snap of the fingers you can have everything delivered instantly to your doorstep.

Oh wait, this magical power is called Amazon.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below on All Groan Up:

What magical groan up power would you want the most? 

Snag FREE chapters from my book 101 Secrets for your Twenties.




Grab a piece of 101 Secrets for your Twenties and weekly All Groan Up inspiration and awesome. All. For. Free. Enter your email below.

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