Ken Wheaton's Blog, page 17

Seven Acres of Paradise

My kind of daily commute.

Unless you’re using a nautical chart, you might have a hard time finding Hatchet Caye on a map. Go on, try Google Maps. Nothing? Now type in Hatchet Cay (without the e). That’ll put you in the general vicinity, 15 miles or so east of Placencia.

It’s in there. Somewhere.

What was putting us in the general vicinity just over a week ago was a guy in an open boat, about fourteen-feet or so of fiberglass and not much else. The problem was, it was dark. And the running lights...

Morgan’s Barbecue: Bark Has Bite

Since hearing that Morgan’s had opened on Flatbush and St. Mark’s in Brooklyn, I’d been itching to go. Word on the street (by which I mean one of the managers of Dinosaur: Brooklyn I’d bugged one afternoon) was that one of the guys involved worked at Franklin BBQ in Austin. A couple of news pieces about Morgan’s backed that up.

So, last night, instead of going some place fancy for my birthday, I took a chance and had Cara take me to unproven ‘cue place. We all know how badly that can end in Ne...

Two Boots Brooklyn: RIP

Halloween 2001, Two Boots Brooklyn

Two Boots Brooklyn is closing for good this weekend. I haven’t been there in quite a while. In fact, last time I went, it was in a desperate attempt to get Cara something resembling a decent shrimp poboy. Attempt failed miserably. (Sorry, Two Boots! But the pizza was always good.)

But almost all of my other memories of the place are golden. Back when I first moved to Brooklyn, when the South Slope was mostly barren of bars, my friend Jason and I would go there...

Banksy? Was That You?

Spotted at the 2/3 Bergen Street stop. Manhattan-bound side.

Note: Not the first time I’ve seen this in the exact same spot. Could be CHUD scat.

A Few Thoughts on The Circle

You know how every once in a while, someone in Hollywood gets a “deep thought” and then builds a movie around it — one in which the characters all stand for something, the dialogue is a constant stream of polemic and there’s no mystery at all as to how things are going to turn out. That’s what David Eggers’ “The Circle” feels like. It’s about as subtle as a kick in the groin.

Put another way, “The Circle” is the literary equivalent of “Crash.”

Here’s the thing: I’m not ashamed to say that I was...

The Great Brisket Experiment: 2013

If there’s one thing I like almost as much as stuffing my face full of smoked brisket, it’s barbecuing it myself.

Okay, that is a lie. Barbecuing brisket — and pork shoulder for that matter — is one of those things I really, really look forward to doing. And I maintain the kid-on-Christmas-morning glee until one of the following

The shopping trip turns into a shit-show of an obstacle course
The weather decides not to cooperate
Five hours into the proceeding and I’m just trying to stay awake
When t...

An Open Letter to People Who Write Open Letters

Dear You,

No one asked for your opinion, so please put a cork in it. And even though I might find myself in agreement with some of what you have written, I have to wonder why you (or your assistant) just couldn’t find an email address — or, god forbid, a snail mail address — and send an actual letter to the person you’ve decided to lecture in public. Why, if I were a cynical sort, I’d suspect this was some sort of publicity play, some need to get a little bit of the old spotlight on yourself....

Freaks of Nature

Note: So that news story about the feral pig getting drunk and fighting a cow? Anyway, I wrote this way back in 1997 or 1998, based on a post-card writing assignment given to me by Luis Alberto Urrea.

Me and Bobby had our annual meeting last night up by the south bank of the lake. It was a good night for a meeting. Oh, me and Bobby meet every night, just to shoot the shit and what not. But last night was the Official Meeting.

We both belong to the International Society of Freaks of Nature — ISO...

About That Michael Bloomberg Legacy

What with all the Michael Bloomberg retrospectives going on, I feel like I haven’t been invited to the party. And I wrote an entire novel based on his legacy! Well, the food legacy at any rate. And who doesn’t want to talk about food and politics (and sex and crime)? Hell, even Fran Lebowitz jumps on the soda thing in her Times interview.

Anyway, since I never talk about myself or my writing here, I figured I’d give another free taste of Bacon and Egg Man. (Okay, fine, every other post I’m tal...

Hey, Anti-Gay Russian Politicians …

You might want to check the Sochi Mascot House. (You know, if you’re really dedicated to your bigotry.)