Ken Wheaton's Blog, page 14

Gamma Radiation? No. It Was Gumbo

Sometimes, folks ask me, “Ken Wheaton, what is the Ken Wheaton origin story? How did you get from mild-mannered Louisiana boy to a fully-fledged Ragin Writer?”

Note: No one has ever asked me that.

Still, Octavia Books — WHERE I WILL BE APPEARING THURSDAY OCT. 2 at 6 p.m. — asked me to write a guest post for their blog. So I did. And, as one friend pointed out, it is an origin story. Perhaps one not as dramatic as Spiderman’s or The Hulk’s, but it’s an origin story all the same. So go read it.

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The #RNRPHILLY Half Marathon

Race: Philly Rock n Roll Half

Official Time: 1:55:23

Course: Flat and pretty.

Weather: A little known weather system called a Humidity Vortex moved in STRAIGHT FROM HELL.

Top line: I thought I was going to PR in this one. I did not. Not even close. 10 minutes slower than that. It wasn’t my worst, either, so there is that. We also raised a good bit of money for charity.

Excuses: Going into weekend, I’d been showing signs of a slight cold, scratchy throat, tired, achy. I think it was going away by S...

I’m Coming to See You, Louisiana!

The great Ken Wheaton book tour is coming to a state near you!

As long as you live in Louisiana. Because that’s the extent of the book tour. Sorry, everyone else, but that’s the reality of publishing. I do these things on my dime and on my vacation time from work. And if it comes to a choice between spending hundreds upon hundreds of dollars to read to 15 people at the local Books a Million or going on a two-week wedding and honeymoon trip to Bora Bora — well, let’s just say you’re going to re...

I Dreamed of a Jeep

I had a Jeep. I was in a parking lot somewhere. Lucy, the white poodle, was with me. I got out of the Jeep. I wanted to lock the Jeep, but could not figure out the key fob. There were buttons for everything on there. Lift gate. Headlights. Horn. Even to switch the thing to 4WD. But nothing to lock the Jeep. I could not lock the Jeep.

Also, I was wearing no pants.

A Most Frustrating Brooklyn Barbecue: A Tale

The Command Center

It was time again for me to host the annual company barbecue. That meant 30 or more people coming over to the apartment in Brooklyn. That meant pounds and pound of meat. It meant bags and bags of charcoal. It meant hours and hours of work.

All of which is to say I was excited! And agitated. And nervous. A lot could go wrong, starting with the annual prediction of 60% chance of rain. I have a back yard just big enough for 30-some-odd people. I have an apartment that is smaller...

And the Best Place to Get Cajun Food in New York Is . . .

Hard to get reservations at this joint.

Recently I did an interview with Deep South Magazine. I liked it because we talked less about Sweet as Cane, Salty as Tears and more about my favorite subject: me.

Actually, we talked a bit about the experience of being Cajun in New York. The first thing Erin Z. Bass asked me to do was to sum up that experience in just a few words. This is typically the sort of question that stops me in my tracks. I have to sit there and think about it for days. Cara once...

Legal Trouble: Call 1-800-JESUS-DEFENSE

This morning so far:

Jesus Lawyer

“Judge, this guy is a Dallas Cowboys fan. Hasn’t he suffered enough?”

Upon boarding the 4 Train at Nevins Street, I find myself on a car with a subway preacher. But not just any subway preacher. Not the angry old lady shouting at the top of her lungs with righteous fury. I HATE that woman. I don’t go shouting at you first thing in the morning that you’re going to die and then never feel anything, not even regret, so you better make the most of your life while yo...

PSA: Get Your Scroll Bars Back!

Hi there! Were you recently forced to update your operating system to Lion? Are you annoyed by the fact that your scroll bars disappeared? (Let’s just skip the part about it slowing down your computer and kinda-sorta feeling like a Windows update.)

Guess what! You can get them back.

1. Click on the little Apple in the top left of your screen.

2.Click on System Preferences.

3. Click on General Preferences.

4. In the middle of that General Preference screen, you’ll see “Show scroll bars.”

5. Select “...

Boo-day! Also: Lost in Translation — French vs. French

Yall don’t bouder! I know I forgot even more words in my previous two talking funny posts (here and here).

Mais! If yall wanna buy my book, yall could do that, yeah. Just click.

Including, of course, bouder — pronounced boo-day — a word used to this day by Cajuns in all regions and instantly recognizable to even those without a lick of French. Maybe I blocked it out because I heard it so much growing up.

Bouder: to sulk, pout.

I sulked and pouted a lot as a kid. Well, most kids do I guess. The fu...

Even More Talkin’ Funny: Louisiana Style

“Mais, mama! Kenny won’t go do-do cuz he scared of the tataille!”

Mais! Last week, I wrote a little post about some of the ways we talk in South Louisiana. The response was ridiculous. And by ridiculous I mean amazing. That post was passed around like a bottle of Strawberry Hill in a minivan full of high-school girls going to an Opelousas bonfire in 1990. (I need to work on that analogy). The craziest thing is that with all the page views and over 250 comments, everyone — with one exception —...