Ken Wheaton's Blog, page 2

Oh no! The sex-traffickers are back at Target

Looks like it’s time to hide your kids and your wife. According to the never-wrong news source, “Some Lady’s Facebook Post,” strange men are once again following families around the clothing department of Target with an eye toward throwing them all into a white van in broad daylight.

I don’t know what it says about social media, but it’s sort of annoying that even these sorts of stupid, divisive, uninformed, mostly-fake memes, have to be recycled every few years. Can we not get something new ...

What a horrible thing to wake up to

After my first trip to the bathroom last night, I returned to bed and was dozing off to the sight of our dog Lucy snuggled up tight in Cara’s arms. And then I heard this. (Turn your sound up.)

I think it was a fox. There’s an outside chance it could be a mountain lion. They both make wretched sounds at night, the sort of thing that makes your sphincter clinch. Noises that make it easy to see where early horror stories originated. I’ll tell you this, if I was a pioneer back in the day, o...

Live from Colorado: The 2021 snowstorm

Last week, we here in Colorado were told to prepare for the mother of all storms. Some places could get four to six feet of snow! White fluffy destruction! It was supposed to start Friday during the day. Then Friday afternoon. Then Friday night. Anyone who’s watched hyped up storm coverage knows the drill. So I figured I’d shoot video of the winter’s biggest storm. Lucky you!

I started out mocking the storm (and staring directly into the camera like an unblinking freak), but — spoiler alert ...

This is my heart breaking …

We said goodbye to Sylvie on Wednesday. It was a beautiful, warm day, and we said goodbye out on the deck.

I knew this was going to hurt. I knew it like I know the sun will come up tomorrow. But still…

I know I’m supposed to talk about a rainbow bridge, a better place, and list all the ways in which Sylvie was the best dog ever. I’ll get to that.

But right now as I type this all I can see is the empty dog bed, think about how when I come home from one last trip to the vet ...

The right joke at the right time

Credit: Disney (or whoever owns these guys now)

So last week at work — or “at” work, I guess, since we were all in our respective homes — we were doing the video conference meeting. Part of it was one of those “get to know you” games that everyone says they hate, but secretly like because people like to talk about themselves, especially in no-pressure settings.

A coworker revealed that she worked in a prison laundry right out of school.

I took a breath. The prior week, my friend Shawn ...

The last five books I read …

Hey, you there. Yeah, you. Looking for some books to read? Well, I’ve been reading and since I read a little bit of everything there’s probably something in the below list you’ll like. I recommend them all. So, in reverse chronological order, the last five books I read were …

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett. My friend Shiela recommended this one to me, partly because it mentions my hometown of Opelousas about a hundred times. The novel starts out centered on twins Stella and Desiree, Black...

Joe Biden: Job Killer!

President Joe Biden wasn’t on the job a full day before Republicans on Facebook were screaming that he was a job killer. Said jobs were being murdered in their crib by Biden pulling the plug on the Keystone XL pipeline. 

This is great news! People are back to squabbling over actual policy and using something resembling facts to do so.

Whatever side you fall on, the fact is, some number of jobs will never materialize if the pipeline doesn’t. The KeyStone XL pipeline was going to create...

Did this dog-licking deer try to break in and murder me?

[image error]Looks shifty.

Friday afternoon while working from home, the Ring camera alerted me to motion out front.

It was the FedEx guy.

Five minutes later, more motion out front.

It was UPS.

I retrieved both packages. And not four minutes later, more motion out front. Figuring it was USPS, I made my way to the door and peeked out the side window before opening it. It was this guy.

He looked into the window. He licked the deck a bit. He seemed to be waiting for me to open the door. Then he walked...

This is my brain on Christmas music

It’s not even Thanksgiving and I’ve already listened to days’ worth of Christmas songs courtesy of SiriusXM in the Subaru and the Alexa on the kitchen counter. And since there are only about 15 good Christmas songs, you end up listening to the same ones over and over again — which does something to the brain. So, below, thoughts that have flown through my addled mind while decorating (yes, the tree is already up) and cooking.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. Imagine all the people ...

Behold! My fourth novel!

Makes an excellent gift!

Hi there. Is this thing on? It’s been a while since I’ve given you anything other than wildlife videos and poodle stories, but have I got some news for you.

My fourth novel, DUCK DUCK GATOR, is being released Oct. 20 in print and as an e-book. You can pre-order it right this very minute. If you shop at your local indie bookstore, drop in or give them a call. The book is being distributed by Ingram, so it should be in their catalogs now.

If you’re an online shop...