Summer Kinard's Blog, page 6
February 20, 2020
Blasphemy of small gods
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In the run-up to Lent, the daily readings take a turn towards length and seriousness. In a parallel to the logic of sanctification –If you want to enjoy God in heaven, start loving your neighbors and God now –, if you’re going to focus on repentance for 7 weeks anyhow, might as well start now. This week there were readings from I John about keeping the commandments.
For all of us, some of the commandments are easier to keep than others. Which ones are tough vary by season, age, experience, and the growing edges of our life in Christ. When I read the I John passages, I started thinking about the earlier commandments, having no other gods before God and not taking God’s name in vain. Suddenly a pattern came into relief.
I had unwittingly, carelessly fallen into a habit of casual, minor blasphemy since adolescence, shouting, “Christ on toast!” or just, “Oh, my God!” when I was exasperated, without feeling I had gone wrong. At once, these erstwhile or ongoing asides seemed ridiculous. I was struck not with a sense of guilt so much as a sense of embarrassment, the way you feel when you talk about someone who’s standing right behind you (even if it’s a good thing you’re saying).
I had picked up the habit of vanity prayers — those spoken as though God was not right there with me — from people whose architecture, thoughts and language made room only for small gods. You can blaspheme small gods with impunity. They aren’t around to hear you.
One of the ways we change when we set aside physical spaces for prayer and remembering God is that we start to notice God with us everywhere. For decades now I’ve walked to a prayer corner to pray, and now, this week, I am watching blasphemy cake off like mud or scales. With an architecture that reminds me I am in God and God is with me, the blasphemy of small gods is redundant, shriveled.
This feels ironic in some ways, given the way our largely Protestant-descended broader culture fears icons as though they’re idols. You can’t know you’re praying to a small god, an idol, until you are comfortable living in the true God with us who loves humankind. One God, unvain prayers, no idols — all of these commandments are best fulfilled when we pray with holy icons, when we have a physical, bodily, visual, touchable, smellable, actionable place for praying.
Today I’m grateful that God showed me my own sins in the light of mercy. Hoping for a good Lent for all of us.
Read more about how spaces make prayers accessible in Of Such is the Kingdom: A Practical Theology of Disability (Amazon aff. link), available at the Ancient Faith Store, your local library, or wherever books are sold.
The post Blasphemy of small gods appeared first on Summer Kinard.
January 24, 2020
#blogtown Another Way the Evil Queen Tried to Poison Snow White
Now that she had that entire cauldron of Sleeping Death potion, the Evil Queen had to figure out a way to get Snow White to taste it. The apple wasn’t her first try.
For many days, the Queen observed Snow’s daily patterns, looking for an opportunity. At last came Thursday, washing day. Snow let the forest creatures amuse themselves trying to beat the stains out of the floor washing cloths, but she did the clothing herself. “You do the hard part, little deers! I’ll work on the easy things.” Her laugh tinkled over the brook and grated on the Queen’s ears. It wasn’t the infernal cheer that grated so much as Snow’s dishonesty. Why didn’t she tell the animals that no one on two feet could look presentable with so many hoof- and paw- and tiny bird footprints stamped across his trousers?
Even the frogs tried to help the princess, though they mostly popped bubbles and splashed. Frogs. That was it!
Frogs were natural allies to witches because of their virtual immunity to poisons. They didn’t lick their own skin like mammals or clean their feathers like birds. If you poison a frog, you poison the person who touches the frog.
The Queen caught a fat frog and hurried back to her castle. All week she fattened it on flies and moths that gathered around the remains of her enemies. The following Wednesday night, she dipped the frog in potion and gave it instructions. “Hop this little packet of soap flakes to your mistress when she comes to do the wash.”
Frogs, being loyal only to food, never understood that such a thing as an ulterior motive might exist. The frog knew only that he was going home to his squashy mud home, to fresh mosquitoes and gnats, and to the music and bubbles of laundry day.
The morning sun rose, and with it, the girl who lived with the dwarves as cook-housekeeper. The frog heard the sweet slurp of the mud pulling at the girls sturdy wooden clogs as she walked the heavy laundry basket to the roundest part of the stream. The frog hopped out of his hole with three easy plops and took up the little packet of soap in his mouth. From the shadows, the hidden Queen watched with bated breath.
The princess saw the frog before he had taken two hops her way. “Is that soap? Oh, dear, fat frog, won’t you pour it into the water there and splash around? I know how much you love bubbles!”
The frog tugged loose the flap, took the packet in his mouth, leapt high into the air above the stream, and came down with a great splash, made greater by his week of rich meals. He dove down with the packet until all the soap floated to the surface. Then he splashed with abandon until the air around the princess was filled with blue and pink bubbles.
“Thank you, dear frog!” the princess said, and she kissed him right on his slick green nose.
The Queen nearly yelped in triumph, and perhaps she would have, if anything unusual had happened next. But, far from succumbing to the sleep like death, Snow White began to sing and whistle with the birds. They sang a superfluous song about underwear and aprons for so long that the Queen nearly gave herself a headache from rolling her eyes. The princess soaped and scrubbed and rinsed and squeezed the laundry and kissed a dozen birds and frogs. But she was not even drowsy. The frog had washed all the poison off in making bubbles.
When the menagerie had returned to the cottage to hang out the wash, the Queen emerged from her coterie. Her lips were flat and pale with rage as she stomped home through the swamp. But by and by, she found herself humming, then singing a song as she treaded the weary miles to the castle:
We wash the little underwear
We wash the little apron
We wash the blouses and the strings
That tie my little cape on
*whistling interlude in manner of obnoxious birds*
We scrub the bottoms and the tops
We scrub the undergarments
Scrub the nightgowns and the pockets
Filled with small compartments
*stomping in manner of bunnies*
Yes, every duty has its place,
The small ones and the great ones,
But how I love to wash and scrub
The underwear and aprons.
We had a dentist appointment this morning where my youngest tried to take some medicine, and I made up this and a few other failed alternative sleeping death potion delivery methods for her.
The post #blogtown Another Way the Evil Queen Tried to Poison Snow White appeared first on Summer Kinard.
January 21, 2020
Resource List for “They Shall All Know Me” Webinar on 7 Best Practices for Therapeutic Homeschools
None of them shall teach his neighbor, and none his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them. -Hebrews 8:11
How Should You Spend Your First $100 on a Therapeutic homeschool?
Some good options to choose from (Amazon affiliate links, or check your local stores): Laminator ~$20, 5 mm Laminating sheets $16, kinetic sand set $22, rocking chair $44, pod swing $30,rolling scooter for coordination and belly time ~$19, a set of Social Thinking books ~$55-$120 (see below), learning apps $5-$60 (see below for some of our favorites)
FREE Downloads:
Simple Choice Schedule (made by Summer Kinard)
First Then Starter Kit (made by Summer Kinard)
Sensory Anchor Worksheet Small
Sensory Anchors and Actions Worksheet
About Video Modeling PDF (From the National Professional Development Center on ASD)
[image error]If you can’t work with scissors, try scoops. If not cutting paper, scooping seeds.
Some of our favorite learning Apps:
(links to the Apple App store)
Scribblenauts Unlimited (spelling, reading)
Prodigy (math) This is a subscription service that’s worth it.
Dragon Box series (math)
Touch Press Inc. Games, bought as all-access 12 game sets (MasterSwords, Faktr, Twelve a Dozen, CodeBreakers, SimCell, CraftyCut, Habitactics, The Elements by Theodore Gray [goes well with his Elements book], and many more learning games)
The Great Courses subscription and apps.
Kid in Story Book maker for self-modeling.
Exploring Emotions (Zones of Regulation)
Some of our Favorite Curriculum Books:
Explode the Code series (Amazon affiliate link)
Handwriting Without Tears (Amazon affiliate link)
Thinking About You Thinking About Me
It Takes Two to Talk (early intervention/beginning communication) (Amazon affiliate link)
Social Thinking We Thinkers Series 1 and Series 2
Elephant and Piggie Books (Amazon affiliate link to full set) For reading aloud, these picture books have wonderful eye drawings (for thinking with eyes) and modeling of emotions. Use them to model noticing what they’re paying attention to and how they feel based on their body language.
Some Helpful Websites:
National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorder (especially Evidence Based Practices and AFIRM modules)
The OT Toolbox (and sign up for their excellent newsletter)
Lemon Lime Adventures (for Sensory processing especially)
Boardmaker (requires yearly subscription, but read their Blog)
CrashCourse YouTube channel (Great for subject overviews for older kids)
Teachers Pay Teachers (Search for book titles in order to find activities that go with books.)
LEGO letters and numbers building video To help build literacy in children deeply interested in LEGO.
Sensory Regulation Tools and Strategies
Visual:
Discovery Kids Star Projector (Amazon affiliate link): Use this in an away closet, in a darkened room, under beds, or in tents and forts.
Hape Eye Spy kaleidoscopes (Amazon affiliate link): These are far sturdier than other versions, and the variegated lenses make them adaptable to different light levels. Use with Christmas/twinkle lights, regular room lights, and even candles.
Safety mirror like this one (affiliate link) for self-modeling.
Christmas/twinkle lights in warm tones. Use these in away spaces or to provide soothing indirect lighting.
Children will also appreciate visual schedules and choice boards like the ones in the free downloads above.
Sound:
Noise-canceling earmuffs (Amazon affiliate link)
Move between quieter and louder rooms
Use earbuds when listening to talk so as to lower ambient unpredictable sound.
Make music playlists (on iTunes and Amazon Music, for instance, not associative apps like Spotify) and repeat them to provide pleasant and predictable sounds.
Turn on Closed Captioning on your devices and TVs to help people with less acute audio processing.
Scent:
Beeswax candles if possible, or coconut wax candles (Amazon affiliate links), to produce neutral or air-cleaning scent. Many children with special needs are sensitive to the smoke from paraffin or soy candles.
For kids who are easily overwhelmed by fragrances, introduce beeswax to smell and play with (for instance, these Stockmar beeswax modeling sheets in naturaland colors– Amazon affiliate links), as the gentle, natural fragrance is usually more tolerable.
If a child gets very overwhelmed by scents, try desensitizing by smelling coffee beans, which will overwhelm in a safer, more predictable way and clear other fragrances from the scent queue.
Use lavender flowers (such as these food-grade, organic ones– Amazon affiliate link) to fill a sensory bin. The relaxing effects are available without the overstimulation or nasal/skin irritation that can result from using oils or artificial fragrances.
Touch:
Fill a large tin or plastic bin with tactile sensory items such as dried beans, uncooked rice, seeds, millet, birdseed, or animal feed cracked corn. You can make useful items like sacks of cracked corn or birdseed pinecones, and the sensory play that comes along with it emerges naturally.
If you can supervise the play time well and no one who eats non-food objects is around, water beads (like these, affiliate link) are a fun and intense sensory experience. Otherwise, plain water, with cups, scoops, and water wheels (like this one, affiliate link) makes a fun tactile experience. Vary the water color, temperature, and scent according to the season or lesson.
Allow children to wear soft, all-cotton or natural fiber clothing, even if that means they wear pajamas all day. Blended fabrics often feel itchy to children with sensory differences.
Taste:
Be aware that taste is often bound up with other senses and can be overshadowed by a child’s desire for uniformity of appearance, texture, or predictability. For these reasons, never take personally a child’s apparent disgust with foods you offer. They might love the smell, the taste, and texture but be confused by the appearance, or there might be another sensory processing difference that makes for challenging eating.
Read Child of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Satter (Amazon affiliate link) to ease your discomfort around feeding issues. Also ask your pediatrician about a feeding clinic or feeding specialist occupational therapist in the area if your child’s food aversions or feeding difficulties are severe.
To overcome constricted diets, offer foods that are fairly uniform and predictable, such as Larabars, sliced bananas, baby carrots, apple slices, grapes, strawberries (in season when they’re sweet), and some pre-packaged, frozen foods that have consistent appearance (like Annie’s gluten free macaroni and cheese, Udi’s gluten free cheese pizza, and Applegate Farms gluten free chicken nuggets and breakfast sausages). Meatballs or meat patties that you make at home can also seem more uniform and acceptable to a child with sensory difficulties, but be willing to serve them separate from sauce, pasta, or breads. Overwhelmed kids need less to deal with at a time.
To add a food, think very small changes, like adding straight pretzels instead of only knotted pretzels, or sausage patties instead of links, or sliced fruits rather than whole. The key to expansion is for a food to register as food, as familiar and safe.
Coze:
Encourage a sense of safety and shelter (or “coze”) by providing access to a tent, closet with a soft pad on the floor, underneath a bed, bean bags, foam mattress forts (a good way to reuse old crib mattresses), or a blanket fort/tent. You can also allow the kids to use couch cushions to make little cubbies.
Vestibular (swinging movement):
Provide a swing, rocking chair (regular, recliner, or camping/travel rocker), seesaw, or balance board to allow the child to rock back and forth in order to calm down. These options are generally most effective in the order they were listed here (swings are best, balance boards work but have a high learning curve).
Proprioceptive (Deep Joint Pressure):
Encourage lying on the belly to play or write/color/read.
If you have access to an occupational therapist, find out how to safely apply deep pressure to joints.
Provide a large or small trampoline.
Crash pads made of mattresses, bean bags, or other foam objects are great for kids to safely run and jump onto them.
Swinging on the stomach gives both proprioceptive and vestibular input.
Allow the child to dangle between the counters or fitness bars.
Bouncy balls, exercise balls, and bouncing ride-on toys also enable deep pressure. You can also roll an exercise ball over a child for a safe “squish.”
Children might climb behind the couch cushions or under their mattresses or pillows or a weighted blanket to give themselves deep pressure as well.
I’ll update this post with the link to the recorded presentation and the slides. For now, I hope you will join us at 7pm EST tonight for the webinar!
The post Resource List for “They Shall All Know Me” Webinar on 7 Best Practices for Therapeutic Homeschools appeared first on Summer Kinard.
January 15, 2020
New and improved: Visual Schedule for the Orthodox Divine Liturgy
We’ve used the original visual schedule almost every week for the past three years to help my children participate in the Divine Liturgy. In that time we have moved states and been members and guests at several churches. We’ve had time to live with the visual schedule and find its strengths and weaknesses. Some of the cues that I included in the first schedule aren’t in the new one. In part, my children outgrew their focus on particular melodies; in part, I needed to make way for more of the important parts of the sequence of Divine Liturgy. I hope and pray that this improved version will help many families participate in the Divine Liturgy.
This schedule is helpful for people who struggle with focus due to a wide range of challenges and needs. Though one of the particular aims is to include people with disabilities more fully into the life of the Church, this schedule is helpful for any family wanting to participate more in the service.
I included a fourth page with a basic 40-symbol Core vocabulary board and eight sensory regulation choice symbols. I recommend printing the schedule on two pages front and back or laminating the four pages in two sets, front and back so that the vocabulary choice board is on the back page and easily accessible. As always, be prepared to honor requests for sensory breaks and needs, in order to develop pragmatic communication, predictable soothing options, and trust. These tools facilitate communication, and it is up to the communication partners to establish the meanings with follow through.
DOWNLOAD the schedule set by clicking below, and don’t forget to share this post:
Visual Schedule Orthodox Divine Liturgy
Using a visual schedule is one of many ways to make church more accessible to families with disabilities. Read more in my book, Of Such Is the Kingdom: A Practical Theology of Disability, available from Ancient Faith Publishing, your local bookstore and library, and wherever books are sold.
The post New and improved: Visual Schedule for the Orthodox Divine Liturgy appeared first on Summer Kinard.
January 12, 2020
#blogtown What’s the Latin word for exasperation?
Don’t fill my comments with “exacerbatio” just yet. I’m not really here to talk about cognates.
I had a hard morning that turned out beautifully, if differently, than I expected. We had one child on verge of meltdown whose ramping up to meltdown sensory dysregulation made us late for church despite everything and everyone else being ready in time. Then another child had a nosebleed on the way to church and refused to enter the parish hall to get cleaned up out of an overzealous respect for the “no blood in church” rule. Then the one in pre-meltdown exploded, which caused another one to lose it and start hitting the one screaming, and then the nosebleed kid cried for a long time, and a fourth child melted down for good measure. Thank God for my classroom, where we were able to safely calm the kids down!!! (If you ever wonder why autistic kids need a calm SPACE, not calm “time,” let this be a lesson)
We were able to send my husband and oldest child to the remainder of the Divine Liturgy, and I wound up spending the service on Autism Support Duty. It took a few false starts, but the kids all really wanted to be in church and to stay and have class after church. It was important to figure it out. I had a difficult time redirecting one of the kids at first, and we had a few moments where I was very uncomfortable and had a sense of intractable communication failure. Eventually what worked was building tiny cubby houses out of the blocks and mats around the overwhelmed kids. Then it got pretty amazing.
My cubbied oldest daughter read the children’s Bible in her cubby for 15 minutes and came out a renewed and regulated kid. My little melters-down both got calm even sooner. I sang, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble,” and, “Thou hast been our dwelling place from generation to generation.” I said, “Don’t be afraid. When you meltdown and need a little house, God is already your house. He’s with you to help you in your cubby.”
[image error]The cozy reading cubby. I administered snacks through a gap in the blocks.
I gave everyone snacks. I offered tap lights to the ones with a cloth over their cubbies.
By the time the first little knock announced the other class members arriving, I had a room covered in empty cubbies, their risen members ready to learn.
We wound up having a really good lesson around the sensory table, where the kids took turns naming things that make it hard for them to see God sometimes (not wanting to go to church/Sunday school, being hungry, fighting with their brothers, getting distracted by the teacher’s hair, OCD, toys, being overwhelmed, forgetting things, getting hurt, and other things), then spraying shaving cream on the water. After each addition of fog, the child whose turn it was got to add a light. Does it still shine? Yes! (And so on until we ran out of shaving cream.) At the end, the foggy water was filled with shining lights. Not even one had stopped shining.
[image error]The kids were amazingly insightful today. Here are some of them with the foggy water and shining lights.
As I reflected on the morning in my Sunday afternoon silence, I kept thinking back to the time I observed my husband’s icon introduction table at our festival’s church tour. A gentleman asked, “What’s the Greek word for iconography?” Everyone laughed at the response, because of course it’s almost exactly the same as its English derivative.
I’ve learned to ask why when these random thoughts lit with mercy pop in my head. I’m writing to tell you why that came to mind. The reality of the faith, the living of it, makes the words make sense across all languages and language barriers. It’s why we seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, to the Living Word that is the light and the life of all people, the light that shines in the darkness and is never overtaken by night, instead of clinging to a dry word without meaning like a dry bone.
Today’s Gospel reminded us, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.” Here is the question that I have at the end of this day:
What’s the autistic word for Resurrection?
[image error]The Resurrection icon.
#bloginstead has grown into #blogtown I’ll tag my daily reflection posts with those tags, but they’ll only stick to the top of my blog for a day or two. Follow my blog to read the most recent posts in a reader. I’m making my rounds to read the blogs I discovered during the #bloginstead challenge, and it’s been a great relief. I’m watching Snow White with the kids, and there’s this scene after the huntsman releases Snow where she’s running scared through the forest, imagining ill intent in trees and eyes around her. Then she gets to a clearing, and it turns out that the eyes are those of cute and friendly little bunnies, chipmunks, deer, birds, and rabbits. I’m feeling that tonight with the new community of bloggers and some calming conversations with my writing friends The Thinklings. After slogging through a couple of years of being harassed online, I had started to imagine hostility where there was none. But, nope. It’s bunnies, y’all. Real, kind, friendly human discourse. Thank God!
The post #blogtown What’s the Latin word for exasperation? appeared first on Summer Kinard.
January 10, 2020
#bloginstead Day 3, final episode
The weather outside is frightful.
It’s too hot to be delightful.
So since there’s no tornado,
Horatio! Horatio! Horatio!
[image error] [image error] [image error]
For real, though, we’re under a tornado watch. The weather has made my arthritis pretty intense, so I spent the evening soaking in Epsom salts and screening cheesemaking documentaries so I can show the good ones to the kids. I’m following through on an old threat, but with humor rather than punishment in mind: “If you kids don’t stop fighting over the show, you’ll all be watching cheese documentaries and Jane Austen movies only for a week!” (I know some of y’all are saying, “No, Brer Fox! Please don’t throw me in the briar patch!” [Wait. Does everyone know that Brer Rabbit story, or is he regional?] But the kids used to straighten right up and act right under the weight of that threat. Sort of. Now they all like Jane Austen movies.)
[image error]Paper moths. I’m stringing them up into a party decoration tomorrow.
We’re hosting a party for my sweet little niece tomorrow, so we also spent part of the evening cutting out dozens of paper moths. There’s a villain in PJ Masks that hangs out with a cloud of moths, and we’re going to hang the paper ones from the ceiling as a fun party decoration. Liggle Bitty was so happy today as she wrapped her cousin’s present and picked out which of our tablecloths to use. I’m making the cake in the morning because I wasn’t sure if the weather was going to cause a power outage. You don’t want a power outage when you’re baking. We have a gas stove, but it’s electric convection with digital controls. Cakes are too picky for that kind of uncertainty. But tomorrow I’m making up for the tight timeline by freezing the layers right away and doing a white chocolate ganache filling and dusting the top with powdered sugar to make it look like the moon, another PJ Masks reference. It’s going to be a small party, but it will be fun.
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Thinking of moths, I checked up on the little prayer area where my compassionate daughter buries bugs that have died. Though our sneaky pirate puppy steals lots of the little mosses and clovers she tucks around the icon of St. Modestos, it’s a beautiful retreat. I hope she always feeds the love that brings her to do beautiful things.
I went to that part of the yard after telling the kids about the family of saints we’ve been celebrating, with St. Gregory Of Nyssa and his deaconess sister today and so many others this month. I told the kids about how almost everyone in their family was a saint. Maybe they all were? Seems like sanctity is contagious.
Thank you for joining me this week for the #bloginstead challenge. I’ll be back in a few days to post about the Elijah cave away space we’re setting up. Till then, I look forward to reading everyone whose blogs I followed this week.
(Post finished in our tornado shelter while we waited for a tornado to go by.)
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#bloginstead Challenge Day three, episode 1: The one mostly about marriage
My little girls love opera and classical music! Earlier in the week, I was whistling the Flower Duet from Lakme, and my oldest daughter stopped what she was doing and looked at me.
“What’s that?” she asked.
I told her.
“Wait. I think I remember you showing me a video of that a long time ago. Can we watch it again?”
Soon I was tucked under the fascinated faces of the girls as we all watched Dame Joan Sutherland and Marylyn Horne sing under the flowers. They begged their dad to find them the full version and put it on our Plex account. They love the music and the stories. Since they inherited my giant voice, it’s especially fitting that they love one of the only artforms that’s big enough for them.
[image error]This morning’s beautiful and sweet-smelling offering of wildflowers from my oldest daughter of joy.
Behind the Scenes Prep
Last night’s post was supposed to be yesterday midday’s post, but I read my email. I realized that I needed to use a different set of technologies in next weekend’s workshop at the St. Emmelia South Homeschool Conference. I spent my afternoon quiet moments sketching worksheets and patterns to convey ideas as efficiently as possible. Then I remembered that I ran out of business cards last week. I spent the evening designing business cards as well as stickers for flash drives.
I’m putting together a big bundle of printable comment boards, visual schedules, worksheets, and information/best practice for accessibility guides to give away at the Antiochian East Parish Life Council where I’ll be leading a workshop this June. Everyone who comes to that workshop will go home with a flash drive of the files so they can print as many copies as they need for their parish use. Well, I thought to myself in a moment of giving-myself-more-work, why not bring a small sample of the larger set to this conference? So that’s why the stickers. For my future big conference workshops, I am going to order laser labeled bulk flash drives where the manufacturer images them for me ahead of time. But for these smaller ones, I am using cute little stickers.
Thinking About Marriage
After I finished my workshop preparations for the day, I joined my husband in bedtime routines for the kids. Yesterday I used the metaphor of my mothering self as a canyon wall to direct my children’s development into deeper and swifter graces. What I didn’t say but thought about a lot last night is that my husband is the other canyon wall. Marriage is not only partnership in childrearing, but when it is, it’s beautiful. I fell asleep last night thinking of us a pair of giant stone statues over swift, deep rivers, our joined hands making a bridge and holding firm the walls so the waters can find their courses.
I was thinking about marriage because I had just read about the Pastoral Challenges in Marriage Conference -Kairos & Chronos (link is to registration information) that’s taking place at the end of the month in my city. I’m very grateful to see that along with her husband Fr. Joseph, Presvytera Melanie DiStefano from the Greek Orthodox Center for Family Care is speaking in a workshop on “Ministering to Families with Special Needs.” I’m not planning to attend the conference since it seems to be geared towards people in more formal ministry roles, but I am very happy to see families with disabilities getting pastoral attention through this workshop at the conference.
I wrote about marriage when you have children with special needs in a post a couple of years ago, “When the Wine Runs Out: Marriage in a Special Needs Family.” Everything I said there is still true, but I got to thinking about some practical ideas I would add that really help. The way my brain works, I can’t usually set down a thought till I’ve written it onto a list.
Download it in PDF HERE to print, or see image below to read (text is in alt-text for screen readers):
[image error]
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#bloginstead challenge Day Two: The post about asceticism?
Yesterday afternoon saw me drawing on one of my favorite parenting resources:
[image error]Orange puffy foam earplugs
The kids had a nice afternoon with their cousin despite the presence of a pirate. I think he converted some of them to his ways, because there were a lot fewer giant marshmallows in the bag than expected.
The problem with having a nice time when you have sensory processing disorder is that a certain level of excitement can suddenly flip switch over to out of control terror. My daughters have different forms of this. One of them is triggered by sensory overwhelm. The other is triggered by happiness. That child reached five minutes to five and began to scream at ear-ringing levels. She started punching me as hard as she could, terror in her soft face. I grabbed her calm down card, but she couldn’t hear or attend yet. Then the doorbell rang. I had to let her punch me in the legs for a few minutes so I could handle the leave taking with her cousin. Without a doorbell, the strategy is: 0) Put in the earplugs so I can stay calm when she screams at me, 1) Keep her safe, 2) Catch her hands on mine to redirect to high fives, 3) As soon as she can focus enough to give high fives, use the card to model communication “I’m excited. What comes next? I need a hug.” 4) Let her finish high fives. Let her initiate a hug if she wants one. Hug her till she relaxes and lifts up her head. 5) Settle her in a calm down spot. 6) When she’s calm and relaxed, review strategies. We can jump on the fluff upstairs (a giant crash pad made of foam mattresses and foam filled beanbag seats) when we start to feel giddy or overwhelmed. We can use our card. When we lose our hands, we can give the hardest high fives in the world till we feel ok again. 7) Mommy loves you and understands. It’s scary to not feel where you are. You can ask me for help. You can give yourself a hug, too. You are a brave girl, and this is going to get easier. Your big brain is growing fast right now and gets confused sometimes, and practicing our strategies is going to help your brain not get lost.
This particular episode of meltdown calming was curtailed by the doorbell, though. Thankfully the calm was catalyzed by my husband getting off work and walking out of his office at 5pm. I passed my hollering child like a sack of potatoes to her dad, who carried her upstairs onto the quiet couch in the library, where she calmed down quickly. Nothing like a change in scenery and sensory input to redirect a meltdown if you can manage it safely.
I’m not sharing this to grumble about my sweet daughter, who is a wonderful person. I wouldn’t even mention this struggle publicly except that I have every confidence that she’s going to outgrow this pattern within six months, a year at most. I’m sharing it because after a meltdown, when I get a few minutes to reflect and trace triggers and prep so the next one is shorter, better managed, and headed off, the process itself is akin to the deep listening that feeds my spiritual life.
I listen to the whole set of patterns of behavior to find out what they are communicating. I look at activities and cognitive loads. This child is on a growth spurt and has been demonstrating her sweet, kind, creative nature more each day. Wednesday and Monday were wonderful therapy sessions. As I say when I try to prepare people who ask me what they need to know about being autistic, growth spurts have [big, dramatic] symptoms. I know that helping her add skills to her self regulation toolkit now will help her even more because of the beautiful plasticity of her big, complex brain that’s behind the meltdowns in the first place. My response can shape her. I can be a canyon wall to help her to grow deeper and stronger.
Then I look at micro patterns. Lots of us autistic people have a tendency to forget to eat when our brains are busy if we don’t prompt ourselves. We parents decided to make extra of this child’s favorite foods this week to keep in the fridge drawer she can reach. We’re setting up opportunities for her to self regulate.
Then I ask what I can do to stay calm and not take her outbursts personally. This time went well. But that screaming can trigger *my* autistic overwhelm, which can make me struggle to find words for a minute or two. [image error]
Packaged Orange foam earplug sets taped high up on walls
So this morning, when another (smaller) meltdown had passed, after reflecting on the pattern, I asked my husband to tape up some foam earplugs around the house. That way when a child loses their sense of themselves and tries to vocal stim at high pitches or loud volumes to find their way back, I can get closer to them rather than moving away to protect my ears.
I told y’all that to give context to the one piece of meddling big sister advice I will give about spiritual life based on my study of church history and observations of lots of good people: Never trust an ungrubby mystic. If you spend a lot of time contemplating God, you will look like someone who is very practical, up to his or her elbows in service and chores. Contemplating the Incarnate God means you meet Him, are taught by Him, guided and challenged by Him, through your hands and feet and patterns of your real (physical, tangible) life. I used to think it was a coincidence that the great loving ones were the great serving ones, but now I see it cannot be otherwise (well, sure it can because God is generous and likes to tuck surprises everywhere, but most people meet the Lord in the messy places).
When I am trying to help a kid whose behavior seems on a shallow level to be abusive (or to simply navigate a double child meltdown like happened earlier when I broke my own rule and let the kids play too many games in a row until the two youngest made a game of kicking me), I have to fact check their behavior and my own feelings constantly. If they hurt me enough that I feel adrenaline, it’s especially important to focus. Look what happened. They were happy, and they became too stimulated by their strong happiness. They lost their abilities to self regulate when they crossed the line from calm-happy to the type of happiness that’s so strong it bifurcated into two, then into three or more feelings. Happiness, fear of losing the sensation, lightheadedness, anxiety, wanting to connect, loss of impulse control, disappointment, frustration, confusion as their desires and outcomes are at odds, uncertain position in space. I remember the way I used to fret over layers of feelings. It takes a long time to learn to observe and name them without fear.
The whole while I’m doing this, I am asking God for mercy. For them, for me. As we ride the white water rapids of their growth spurts, I grab them and me both to the cross. It’s our boat through these narrow passages, and the waters? Even they are blessed.
A brother came to see Abba Macarius the Egyptian and said to him, ‘Abba, give me a word, that I might be saved.’ So the old man said to him, Go to the cemetery and abuse the dead.’
The brother went there, abused them and threw stones at them; then he returned and told the old man about it. The latter said to him, ‘Didn’t they say anything to you?’
He replied, ‘No.’
The old man said, ‘Go back tomorrow and praise them.’ So the brother went away and praised them, calling them apostles, saints, and righteous men. He returned to the old man and said to him, ‘I have complimented them.’
And the old man said to him, ‘Did they not answer you?’ The brother shook his head no. Then Abba Macarius said to him, ‘You know how you insulted them and they did not reply, and how you praised them and they did not speak; so you too if you wish to be saved must do the same and become a dead man. Like the dead, take no account of either the scorn of men or their praises, and you can be saved.’
The post #bloginstead challenge Day Two: The post about asceticism? appeared first on Summer Kinard.
January 8, 2020
#bloginstead Challenge Day One, Episode Two: Learning, Piracy
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The Mouse House Building Kit was a success with three of the children, especially with Baz. The photo is of his mouse house maze. He even drew mice to live in the house.
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It wasn’t such a hit with my oldest daughter, who was not interested in those textures. So I quickly made her a sensory game with little squeezy scoops and plastic gems in about half my stash of mustard seeds. (If you’ve followed my Accessible Church School adventures or attended my AFCon talk, you’ll know why I have 15 pounds of mustard seeds on hand. If not, it’s a little treat to look forward to/something truly weird to ponder when you have insomnia.)
This game, too, was overwhelming, but it was revelatory. I learned where the attention and integration gap was. When she was too overwhelmed to participate in a well liked texture game and in a well liked task (making lists and check marks to represent the gems), I realized she needed a support bridge to communicate. I got out Bazzy’s old PODD and modeled a word. She took the PODD and used it herself the rest of the session. I was able to come up with a good working plan with the therapist for some comment boards to facilitate communication when my daughter is stressed. This is one of those days when failure is so helpful that it feels like a success.
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After all that, I spent some time hanging out with our resident fluffy standard poodle puppy, Doctor Horatio Biscuit. You might think he’s cute –true– but don’t let your guard down. He’s also an infamous pirate of the seven snacks, a sneak thief of trash cans, kid hands, and picnic tables such as the yard and kitchen have never seen before.
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I am sorry to tell you that these adorable children were harassed by that self same pirate, who almost got away with a graham cracker and a giant marshmallow and very nearly stole his own cousin’s yogurt.
For this reason, he was banished to his crib till after snack. But his infamy lives on in the song that echoes through the halls and trampolines where those who have survived his cute-pestuous begging play:
Pirates come, and pirates go,
And pirates love Horatio.
Pirates walk on feet and pegs;
Horatio has furry legs.
Horatio, he begs and steals,
He licks his victims’ hands and heels.
He isn’t mean. He’s not irate,
But he’s a fabulous pirate.
The pirates sneak, they make their plan
They respect neither dog nor man
Horatio? He cannot talk,
But pirates love that salty dog.
Till later. Ahoy!
The post #bloginstead Challenge Day One, Episode Two: Learning, Piracy appeared first on Summer Kinard.
#bloginstead Day One, Episode One: Morning Putter
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On therapy days like this one, I eat breakfast and evaluate the kids based on how they interact with me and each other, how loud they are (today, VERY), how able to follow instructions (today, not very), and whether they’re overwhelmed. Then I come up with a base activity to help them focus and interact in speech therapy. Today, I emptied the shoe box from my orthopedic clunkers (fashionable footwear for the over-forties) and added polished wood slices, a big tub of gluten-free playdough, strips of yellow paper that match the clay, and three marbles.
Kids love marbles. I think it’s because they’re like angels when I see them, holding the glass spheres in their innocent hands, like the archangels in our icons looking over the world or Christ holding all that is as though it were a hazelnut (thank you, Julian of Norwich).
[image error]Super fancy mouse house building kit in my shoebox: polished wood slices, GF playdough, yellow cardstock strips, marbles.
We polished those wood slices some other morning when they needed to use their little hands in order to speak. Somewhere in a box waiting to be sorted onto shelves waiting to be built, there is a pile of sweetly scented rags and a half-empty tin of lavender orange beeswax polish. If I were a Pinterest Maker rather than an author, I would probably print colorful labels for all of the activities we do. But we do so many. Every week, three or four crafts or projects to teach. I’m a production therapist/teacher for my kids, not a salesperson. Duct tape and a piece of scrap paper and simple, Sharpied words suffice for labels here.
[image error]Today’s occupational therapy support for speech therapy: Mouse House Building Kit.
This morning is also day two of some of the children’s fascination with gum. I bought them some natural gum at the health food store yesterday, and they love/hate it enough to holler in the manner of birds at sunrise when I came downstairs, “Mommy! We want some gum!”
I’m chewing some now, and it’s not bad. It gives me something to do as I scroll to order a few party supplies for my neice’s birthday this weekend. I pop a bubble when I find affordable giant PJ Masks balloons. Balloons are like magic to kids, like marbles.
I still have an hour until therapy starts. It will be for cleaning and trying to figure out where they/I put my hand towels. There’s always the last-minute check before someone comes over. Has anyone left britches on the bathroom floor? Is there toothpaste on the faucet handles?
Alas, someone spilled bubbles on his pants, and I am the keeper of the laundry. Must run. Tally ho!
Don’t forget! We’re only interacting on blogs for the next three days. Follow along by visiting the other authors in the #bloginstead challenge, {listed at this post}.
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