Leandra Medine's Blog, page 92

Normani’s New Music Video, Chace Crawford’s *Ahem* and Other Things I Saw on Instagram This Weekend

This weekend may have been fairly snoozy in the “newsy”-sphere, but I found a few things I’m pretty excited about/intrigued by via my dear friend Instagram. And luckily, I’m a magnanimous woman, so I’m here to share:

1. Justin Beiber Speaks for the People

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It’s about time we get another movie from the man, the legend Ryan Gosling

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on Aug 18, 2019 at 7:52pm PDT

Bieber posted this photo of Ryan Gosling last night with this caption for no particular reason I can discern beyond simple desperation. And I suppose I relate. It’s been a minute since First Man and an even longer minute since Blade Runner 2049, and now that I think of it, I am *parched* for a new Gosling blockbuster.

2. Normani’s New Video Slaps

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still can’t believe I did this in the middle of tour. i had 4hrs of sleep. two days of rehearsal. i legit had five espresso shots oh my goahhhh. oh and when we shot this scene we danced to the sound of @itsbankhead giving us counts. NO MUSIC. couldn’t risk the song leaking. wow so many sleepless nights working v hard on this one for my fans. I love you guys so much. I promise this is only the beginning

A post shared by Normani (@normani) on Aug 18, 2019 at 7:46pm PDT

Normani, former member of Fifth Harmony who has now gone on to a hot solo career, released a single called “Motivation” this weekend and the music video is chock full of incredible hip-hop choreo. In this IG post she said that in order to keep the song underwraps, the dance ensemble was doing choreography to counts, which is pretty damn impressive. Give it a watch.

3. Business of Fashion Shames Me

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Is Snapchat back in fashion? When the platform first broke out, all sorts of brands rushed to share their latest products and campaigns. But over the years, many have abandoned Snapchat, confused by how the platform works and discouraged by declining views. Today, Snapchat’s audience pales in comparison to Instagram, Facebook and even relative newcomer TikTok. But the brands that have stuck around are finding success as more users flock to #Snapchat. In its most recent earnings report, Snap Inc. said it had 203 million active users, up from 188 million a year earlier. Teens are driving those numbers — 90 percent of users are between the ages of 13 and 24. Revenue is also up 48 percent. Snapchat is bouncing back at a time when private messaging platforms are becoming the social media of choice. Snapchat has also found its niche for fashion advertising, since teens are precisely the demographic many brands are looking to target. The trick for brands to flourish on Snapchat is adapting to its unusual format. Former American Vogue editor Selby Drummond says, when she joined Snapchat as head of fashion and beauty last year, she was not surprised to hear that many brands had abandoned the platform. According to Drummond, many brands that left were pursuing a flawed strategy, where they posted the same content across social media. The most successful fashion brands on Snapchat avoid the glossy Instagram aesthetic. Gen Z has taken an affinity to Snapchat precisely because its metrics are hidden; the platform is not fueled by the number of likes, comments and views. It’s not just that teens prefer Snapchat; they are also highly engaged on the platform. It’s user demographic is extremely loyal to the platform; 92 percent of its users exclusively use Snapchat, according to App Annie. Learn more about Snapchat’s secret to survival at businessoffashion.com. [Link in bio]

A post shared by The Business of Fashion (@bof) on Aug 19, 2019 at 4:08am PDT

BoF is one of the only publications that will take their on-site content and condense it into a longer-form yet digestible caption on Instagram. I often find myself latching on with their good Instagram ledes, but this one in particular held my attention. Though not necessarily new information, it made me think about what MR could be doing for younger audiences on platforms like Snapchat and TikTok. Curious to hear what you think, too?

4. Speaking of TikTok, This One Is Genius

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There’s a video sweeping the internet right now that, in just a few seconds, manages to encapsulate the emotional range of Meryl Streep. It is, on the surface, a TikTok video of a young woman trying kombucha for the first time and making a whole bunch of faces. But it’s more than that. It’s not so much about kombucha as it is a perfect representation of any situation in life where at first you feel terrible but also good but then terrible but ultimately things are maybe okay. Writing a draft of an essay? This video is you. Making eye contact with someone in a bar? This video is you too. Tap the link in bio for an interview with Brittany Tomlinson, the kombucha-sipping artiste behind the video.

Office Apropos: 30 Summer Outfits We Wore Last Week

August is one of the most interesting months to get dressed in–31 days of sartorial opportunity that are qual parts humbling (because of the excess moisture my body is likely to produce) and bucket-list-inducing (a veritable swan song for walking around with the barest of limbs). Each outfit feels uniquely precious, albeit challenging, in that sense, an episodic homage to the dog days of late summer. To that point, in this initial batch of Summer 2019 Office Apropos, you’ll witness six members of Team MR playing the hits with (dare I say?) magnificent aplomb: crochet tank tops, denim shorts, floral sundresses, waterproof sandals, minimalist tanks, enormous tote bags, et al. Let us know what you think, and whether you’re stealing any ideas. We heavily encourage theft in this franchise. I’m talking metaphorically here, but I’m also not opposed to loaning you my Tevas.

Leandra, Day 1:

Do you ever get that feeling when you want to wear two specific garments, and feel like you need to do it at the same, and are moderately sure that they are going to work well together, but not completely sure? I ordered this top from Rosie’s pre-fall collection in February and knew then that I was going to wear it backwards (she styled a different top from the same collection like this and because it’s tie front, I love how the bow cascaded down the models back), probably with these white Celine pants I ordered from Yoox about four years ago. I remember how much I paid for them because I don’t forget shit like that ($380) and it’s been worth it to the extent that they consistently make me feel like the woman I wanted to become back then, who I’m pretty confident I’m becoming now. The TL;DR on her is: has shit together.

Leandra, Day 2:

I didn’t mention that there was a torrential downpour yesterday, which boded really interestingly for a pair of white linen pants, but on this day, with the sun out, flames-a-blazing, I wore a tank top that could be a quilted blanket and galvanized designer basketball shorts from Prabal Gurung’s men’s collection. I got the top last summer after pre-ordering it from the danish brand Cecilie Bahnsen and the shorts are one of the only proactive purchases I have made this summer, obtained from Farfetch in May at 65% off retail. I bought the sandals relatively full price during a 25% off promotion that Neiman Marcus was running in the spring, but would have gone so far as to not save anything if no opportunity presented itself because I have worn these fuckers into the ground. They’ve been my best acquisition of the season which I know because I already want a replacement pair of the same exact shoe. Is this what it feels like to land–and I do mean land–in your personal style? A fun unrelated fact: On this day, I also interviewed Chloe Sevigny at 11 Howard; you’ll see what transpired from that conversation tomorrow, right here, on manrepeller.com

Leandra, Day 3:

An outfit like this reminds me that effectually, my style is the same as it has always been. I wore a fairly literal version of this exact outfit for Man Repeller like, five years ago with an Isabel Marant tank and Gucci loafers (OG horsebits!). I bought these cut-offs from the double decker Urban Outfitters store on 60th street across from Bloomingdales when I was junior in college; they were $28 and part of that early initiative of the brand called Urban Renewal and I know they’re as good as vintage Levi’s get because I still have and marvel in having them. The wash, the stark white on the ripping, the rise — all of it suits me exactly how I want it to. I got the lace tank from The RealReal last year and the denim shirt is from Christine Centenera’s brand, Wardrobe. Their most recent release was a collaboration with Levi’s. The loafers are Church’s; I bought them in London three summers ago when I was there for a Gucci show. The whole look reminds me of the groundbreaking first cover Anna Wintour styled for Vogue with Michaela Bercu; she was wearing a Christian Lacroix couture jacket and Guess jeans. That was like, the first time couture and jeans were photographed together.

Leandra, Day 4:

Another day another Wardrobe staple. Pun intended! This blazer is from the same Levi’s collab Wardrobe release, and I’m wearing with a black tank top and shorts by Nike (they were $26, I got them from Zappos). The loafers are Bougeotte and the bag is Staud. It poured on this day, and as a very fun fact: I worked out at 8 a.m. in the tank and shorts, then swiftly applied the blazer, loafer and handbag and made it to a 9:15 meeting with four minutes free time to spare. I guess a good addendum would be that my definition of working out is laying flatly on a mat and lifting my legs. Still! That’s something, no?

Leandra, Day 5:

I’ve officially decided to engender the traits of the woman I’m becoming, first by dressing like her. In this caftan from Rosie’s pre-fall 2017 collection, which I’d been wearing all wrong (tied in the front, instead of across my neck) last summer, I get to embody the spirit of a woman who is like oil in that everything slides off of her, except for herself, but that doesn’t stop her from making the culinary sustenance she touches all the greater. The sandals are by The Row; I got them for myself right before my first IVF transfer to wear to the facility where they’d shoot the first blastocyst up my vag. It didn’t stick, but the shoes did.

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Crystal, Day 1:

I woke up late today, that’s why it looks like my body parts are going to no fewer than four separate events. I got this Tune Squad jersey in Maryland last week and these shorts have been with me for more years than I can count, and I don’t see a world in which they will ever leave me. They are the perfect old-ass pair of cut-offs. I got them on Etsy for about $20! There is no excuse for this oddly matched purse. It’s my beach bag, but I didn’t have time to switch out my stuff, so here we are! And, if you know anything about me, you already know how I feel about crocs. I’d wear them with a ball gown.

Crystal, Day 2:

Last Summer Haley showed me a picture of YG in the most adorable transitional outfit and this is my attempt at it. YG had on a flannel and cute jean shorts but I’m feeling good about my very loose interpretation. People were looking at my crazy for having on a sweatshirt, but this vintage sweatshirt is the most threadbare, thrashed, softest thing I own and it breathes so I can wear it in almost every season! The shorts were actually pants but I turned them in an adult diaper situation specifically for this outfit! I tie-dyed the socks myself and totally forgot about this cute ass shoes until I moved and have been figuring out a way to wear them all summer!

Crystal, Day 3:

I love this linen dress so so much!! It’s Y/Project and it stupid and makes zero sense and is everything I never knew I needed. I first tried it without the jeans but it felt a little formal, so I popped on the jeans and felt like a fancy person with a long ass train. The purse is also one of my fave things, it fits soooooo much shit, including my laptop and can still fit on my arm. Also, these furry slippers make me feel like a 1940’s screen actress.

Crystal, Day 4:

I got botox today you guys (you’ll hear more on that later) but I really thought about what my “botox outfit” was gonna be and I decided that I wanted to seem chill and like “Oh, Botox? No big deal!” so I ended up leaving the house dressed like a cavalier farmer. My fave fave fave part of this outfit is this Wrangler vest. It’s from the collab they did with Lil Nas X! I feel very in the know when I wear it. The shirt is vintage and literally the only reason I bought it was because it says “Herman” on the sleeve and that’s my girlfriend’s last name. The pants are old Dickies and are so so great. Everyone needs a pair. Today, my feet covers are by this adorable brand called Sabah. They are my house slippers and my everyday slippers. So comfy but also chic enough to wear with pretty much anything!! My coffee is by the Bodega down the street, in case anybody wanted to know.

Crystal, Day 5:

This outfit came together because I REALLY wanted to finally wear these Off White x Timberland boots that I found in a Nordstrom rack for $100!!! These shoes came out last season and were $1,400 ya’ll! Clearly someone made an oopsie on pricing, but that ain’t my business! I got this perfect little sequined jacket in Texas and my fave jean shorts made a 2nd appearance for the week, because I legit wear them at least twice a week in the summer.

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Elizabeth, Day 1:

I got this dress early in the summer to wear to my boyfriends cousin’s wedding. When I put it on, he asked if I could wear something a little “less Man Repeller-y.” I said no, I cannot. I love pairing this dress with a chain belt (as I did for wedding) and heels or with these discontinued Dr. Martens that have safety pin buckles (!!). They’re sold on a British site. You’re welcome because they’re very comfy and great for rain.

Elizabeth, Day 2:

I’ve had these bottoms—which are shorts disguised as a skirt—since my freshman year of college. Probably one of my oldest garments (other than vintage) that I wear the most. It was wet outside again so I paired them with my favorite knee-high Maryam Nassir Zadeh boots. They’re still in production. I think it’s been 3 seasons now? They’re a staple for me.

Elizabeth, Day 3:

Today we shot a styling piece about reverse layering on my being, so here I am with a swim bandeau layered over a men’s striped shirt and pajama bottoms that look like men’s boxers! For the layering story, I actually layered a lace bra over instead, but you already knew that. On my feet’s are cow print clogs by Tory Burch that I swear are so so comfortable with their slingback and rubber sole.

Elizabeth, Day 4:

It rained. Again! So I decided to wear these white rubber boots by Clergerie x Both and a rain blazer by Kule. The boots are one of my favorite shoes right now because something about the white makes them feel cooler than the black boots I wear all the time. They’re also very comfortable to walk in and fairly light weight for a boot. I stole my boyfriend’s soft striped Tombolo top (it’s a T-shirt material but has a collar—very cool) and he said it looked great on me so I guess it’s basically mine now! Thanks, Mikey!

Elizabeth, Day 5:

Saved my favorite for last: a black linen set I concocted. This ruffle tank is by a brand I found on Etsy called Emma Knudsen. I don’t usually discover single brands I love on Etsy, because I tend to buy vintage on the site, but this one from Canada—just like moi—is so good. I wore pajama shorts from Sleeper and added loafers so I didn’t look like I was wearing a linen pajama set to work. My crown is two scarves twisted together to make it have more volume, rings are by this cool brand called La Manso that you should 100% follow on Instagram. My shoulder Snuggie is a handmade cardigan by the brand Good Omen, run by the kindest woman who shares my name and whom I met last season. I have the matching tank making the greatest sweater set on earth.

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Haley, Day 1:

I completely forgot about the existence of these shorts, which Crystal gave me during our closet sale in the winter, until they fell off of my shelf as I was reaching for something else. Serendipity or proof I need to clean out my closet? They are such a curious treat, kind of like leather bike shorts, which I appreciate as I’m not personally interested in bike shorts but do enjoy the proportions. I found this shirt at Frankie Shop a month ago and knew right away that I would be it. It’s a very thick and structured material, and it makes me feel like a park ranger. Went for socks and sneakers because I was going to be on set (and then walking around) with Jacqueline Novak for a story. Was not prepared for the downpour that would soon arrive.

Haley, Day 2:

I woke up after a poor night of sleep with few ideas and decided to just rewear an outfit I wore last week. I don’t do that often because after I wear a specific outfit I find the spark is gone (an extremely toxic mindset…), and that definitely happened here. I’m bored by myself! The reverse buttoning is getting to be too much! But I do love this outfit for its component parts. These shorts have been the hero of my summer. As have these black brogues paired with black socks, which has weirdly become my go-to footwear this season. I also love this oxford shirt from & Other Stories. It might actually be the perfect white button-down.

Haley, Day 3:

Dare I say I woke up uninspired again? I decided to start with this Tibi skirt (my summer investment buy), hoping it would spark joy/creativity for the remaining parts, but no such luck. For lack of a better idea I tried on this white tank I recently found in a $5 bin at a thrift store and hadn’t worn yet (I bought it for the perfect oversized arm holes). I tucked it in for variety—I’ve been wearing this skirt with a lot of open shirts and untucked tops this summer and wanted to switch it up. Didn’t love it didn’t hate it. At first I tried black Birkenstocks, wondering if they would make the outfit look uber-minimal in an old Celine way, but in reality I just looked aggressively plain. So I swapped them out for sock sneakers at the last minute. Not pictured: the buttoned-up Everlane chore jacket I wore most of the day because the office was cold.

Haley, Day 4:

I’ve had a hard dressing week. Sometimes I go for weeks at a time feeling creative and excited by my closet but it seems those periods are always followed by ruts, which I’m very much in right now. It’s an ebb and flow that cycles over and over. It’s annoying but also predictable, which is something I can accept. Anyway, I went with these coated pants from Rodebjer (which I recently learned is pronounced ro-deb-ee-yair) because they’re outfit-makers without sacrificing the art of subtlety (they are just a hint of dark green and the perfect amount of looseness). I knew I wanted to wear these Everlane rain boots because it was going to rain and I liked the idea of pairing such utilitarian garments. The basic white T-shirt represents nothing more than a lack of ideas.

Haley, Day 5:

I shall call this My Sartorial Week of Unrest and Unrelaxation. This is another variation on an outfit I’ve very recently worn, chosen to relieve myself from having to choose! I actually felt pretty good in this though, probably because Avi told me I look like a cult leader. I got these Rachel Comey pants a year ago, around the time I shot therapy clothes, and they are indeed therapy clothes. I used to find them a little hard to wear, but once I started rolling the waist and cuffing the hems my pseudo-masseuse world opened up. This Nikki Chasin shirt is just a party, which I wore because it’s MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!

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Harling, Day 1:

I really wanted to wear this new skirt from LPA, which I love, but the gathered waist doesn’t look quite right on me with a lot of tops, so I was pleased to discover that one of my favorite summer tops from Ciao Lucia complemented it nicely. I wanted to wear black shoes with it so I put on these from Ancient Greek Sandals that I’ve worn so many times this summer they are starting to look somewhat dilapidated but are soooo comfy (it was supposed to rain–and did–so I’m glad I wore shoes that are already a little past their prime). They used to have little charms attached to the top strap but they fell off

The Easiest Way to Make a Sad Desk Lunch Less Sad

Sushi is the best desk lunch to have delivered. I know this to be true with the conviction of a tap dancer on wood because I have dined at my desk nearly every day for the greater sum of the last decade and in my experience, ordering sushi has allowed for enough autonomy to select a parade of choices (spicy and not!) if that is your desire and it’s pretty unlikely that it will arrive defected. It’s also not meant to be served hot, so you needn’t consider the temperature to the same degree you might for like, a slice of grilled fish or tajine.

Bagels make a strong case for a smooth delivery too. It’s just a fat sandwich with smear in the middle. Eggs are probably the worst as they relate to optimal temperature and deliverability unless you’re ordering them hard-boiled, in which case I invite you to revisit this reminder that you’re insane.

Salad gets weird; the dressing is often delivered on the side. Sometimes it spills but even when it doesn’t, mixing it into your meal within the parameters of the tiny box or bowl is a futile, awkward pursuit akin to attempting a sun salutation in a packed subway car. For whatever reason, the lettuce seems to wilt on its way over, like aging skin baking under the sun. In that way, they represent a more cynical truth —  that a desk lunch is a sad lunch.

Sure, you can go out and pick up your sustenance—ask them to dress the edible outfit, request substitutions from a living human, but when push comes to shove, or line comes to close, or lunch comes to desk, there you are with the inevitable truth that you’re eating a meal by your lonesome at work.

Succession’s Shiv Roy Is the Epitome of How I Want to Dress This Fall

In the year 2019, HBO’s Succession puts the “prestige” in prestige television. Centered around Logan Roy, the patriarch and puppeteer of both the fictionalized “Waystar Royco” media conglomerate and his dysfunctional family of hopeful successors, the show zeroes in on the claustrophobic world of a New York elite subset, filling the Billions-sized hole in television’s traditional offseason.

I caught the first season of the show last summer, though now HBO subscribers have had a year to get acquainted with the Roy family ahead of last week’s season two premiere. If the show’s subject matter makes you skeptical about jumping on the Succession train, hear me out: You can’t begin to imagine how bizarre a family dynamic might be where Alan Ruck of Ferris Bueller sidekick glory and the ever-mesmerizing Kieran Culkin are half-brothers until you see it for yourself. For a comedy of manners, it’s all comedy with absolutely no semblance of manners.

Amidst the frenzy of votes-of-no-confidence, bear hugs, and other grisly financial and familial drama, one unexpected aesthetic point of view shines through: Shiv Roy, the sole daughter of media titan Logan Roy, ascends as something of a golden (albeit morally corrupt) child as the series progresses, and she has the personal style to show for it. The show is decidedly not about clothes, and so Shiv’s ensembles are that much more conspicuous in a sea of suits and ties. Under the microscope of a close sartorial reading, there’s much to be gleaned from the artful costume design of Shiv Roy’s character, played by Sarah Snook. As the most significant female role in this family of scions, it’d be easy enough for her to skew preppy, or swing too far into the socialite territory of a stereotypical, Hiltonian heiress clad in scant chainmail. Instead, Shiv’s style hangs in the balance.

She makes it look easy, like a series of formulas she’s scrawled on a math quiz that I could copy right over her shoulder.

From episode one, I found something instantly compelling about the way Shiv Roy dresses, especially when in contrast with her brothers: Connor fresh from his Santa Fe hideaway in an olive ensemble, Kendall the late-thirties sneakerhead, and Roman in his dark, brooding antagonist’s apparel. Shiv instead is draped in the colors of hay bales and caramel apples. Her signature autumnal palette seems all the more appealing as the show airs in late summer and one too many humid days make me covet the crisp snap of fall.

Shiv’s outfits reignite my fantasies of a streamlined wardrobe. She makes it look easy, like a series of formulas she’s scrawled on a math quiz that I could copy right over her shoulder. Like a honeycrisp apple, I’d consider the Shiv Roy Method ripe for the picking this fall:

Formula: Oversized Fair Isle-inspired cardigan layered over a blush tone button-down + Nutella-colored trench coat + Burgundy slacks + a denim dad hat + a briefcase-like doctor bag + tonal, leather-trimmed sneakers



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In short, Shiv Roy is television’s heroine of the office-appropriate capsule wardrobe—I might go so far as to say the modern-day equivalent of Melanie Griffith in Working Girl. Nailing a trifecta of a warm terracotta palette, supple textures and high-waisted, wide-legged, long-sleeved silhouettes, Shiv somehow commits to a blazer, button-down and slacks combination without making it feel charmless. The outfits are so convincing, she baits me into wanting to replicate them. Shiv is the only character I’ve ever seen on TV that demonstrates a way to dress for a professional setting without abandoning all sense of her own personality, and it’s probably because there’s little membrane between work and play for her character: all family occasions exist with the subtext of business. Whether she’s at a family property, in the company’s skyscraper offices, or working as a political consultant, she’s in a room with the relatives who best understand her atypical upbringing and who are also her stiffest competition for the role of her father’s successor.

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Where would Shiv Roy shop? For this woman who can and does have everything, I’d speculate some combination of old Céline, Max Mara and Burberry for coats, Vince and Everlane for blouses, Tibi (in its most muted tones) and Rachel Comey for pants, LoQ for shoes, Loro Piana, Totême, and Sally LaPointe for sweaters, and KHAITE for accessories.

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I’ll be window-shopping for fall with new enthusiasm thanks to the defined lens of Shiv Roy. My fantasy fall line-up includes a roster of the following: a pair of high-waisted, camel-colored pants with a wide belt like these ones by ALC; moose-brown blazers; a few ribbed turtlenecks; burnt orange and dusty rose blouses; pearl drop necklaces; something in a large scale houndstooth pattern; and maybe a tweed blazer with suede elbow patches. Sometimes seasonal-transition shopping is all about the daydreaming, without the Succession-scale splurge.

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Photos via HBO. 

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How to *Actually* Forgive Someone

As Mistakes Month approached, then arrived, I found myself thinking a lot about the repercussions and aftermath of our collective errors. Namely, the process of forgiveness, and the ways in which we come to forgive ourselves and others for mistakes—or not. For something so often simplified into catchphrase-like advice (Forgive and forget! Get over it! Just move on!), forgiveness is a complex and complicated process. It’s something with incomprehensible power that’s also incredibly easy to fail at.

So in the name of mistakes and moving beyond them, I spoke to two experts—psychologist and writer Ryan Howes Ph.D, and Talkspace Manager of Clinical Quality Dr. Amy Cirbus—to put together a guide to the delicate art of forgiveness. Here’s everything they encourage you to remember once you decide you’re ready.

1. Before you even begin to try forgiving a mistake, find out exactly why it was made in the first place.

Whether the mistake you’re looking to forgive was a giant holy-shit-my-world-has-been-shaken one or simply a little fuck-up, the path to forgiveness will always be smoother if you can understand what the hell actually happened. “It may be that the person was drunk, had selfish motives, was misguided, or that you were at the wrong place at the wrong time—but taking the time to find a reasonable explanation can help letting go come much easier,” says Howes.

2. The decision to forgive is an intentional one, so expect that it will take both effort and time to achieve.

There’s no such thing as a forgiveness timeline, says Cirbus. So remove any expectation that your forgiveness process will take a certain amount of time. To think that forgiveness is something that can be passive or achieved quickly is to underestimate your own emotions and the power of resentment. As anyone who’s tried to forgive a serious mistake will understand, it’s just not as easy as flicking a proverbial switch.

3. Know that forgiveness can be a solitary expedition, without any involvement from the other person.

“Pure forgiveness doesn’t require the involvement of the other person. You can forgive someone who died, or whom you’ll never see again. It’s simply the process of working through the hurt, so you can make the choice not to hold on to the grudge and move on with your life,” says Howes. The same advice applies when trying to forgive a person who, say, doesn’t understand why you might be feeling hurt/angry/resentful. Accepting and acknowledging that forgiveness is about you and your feelings, not them and theirs, allows you to see your feelings as something that can exist separate from a situation or real-world circumstance.

4. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you’re condoning the mistake that was made or justifying the hurt that was caused.

For mistakes that fall closer to the Extremely Horrible end of the spectrum, the act of forgiveness can feel akin to letting someone off the hook. Switching your mindset and letting go of the idea that to forgive means to condone is difficult but necessary if you want to move on.

“Another challenge is when we believe that the person doesn’t quite understand the hurt or pain that they’ve caused. We can also then question our own self-respect. We can feel as if our vulnerability, the core of intimacy, has been exploited,” says Cirbus. If it’s possible, honest and open communication with the person can be really helpful in these situations. Having the person who made the mistake acknowledge your feelings, as well as the part they played in those feelings, during the early stages of forgiveness can help you find reassurance that you’re not condoning their mistakes—just trying to move beyond them.

5. And it doesn’t mean that you’re giving someone permission to hurt you again.

Fear is a common obstacle to forgiveness, which makes a lot of sense. It’s logical to worry that the same mistake will be made again and raw scars will be opened, but allowing this fear to hold you back is to let another negative emotion have power over you.

6. When you’re struggling with forgiveness, remember something positive about the person you’re trying to forgive (even if it’s yourself.)

Using visualization as a tool for bettering your life is hardly a new concept, but it’s one that has its place in the process of forgiveness. Whether you want to fully embrace the tool and picture yourself sending love to the person you’re looking to forgive, or want to take a more pragmatic approach to the whole thing and just remind yourself of a positive quality of the person every time anger starts to rise in your chest, using positivity to balance the negative will always be useful.

7. Forgiveness doesn’t need to mean forgetting. In fact, it actually shouldn’t.

The pressure to forgive and forget can feel overwhelming, because in forgetting you lose the protective emotional barrier of awareness. It’s not a bad thing to remember that someone is capable of hurting you or making mistakes (we all are, after all) and having that memory shouldn’t prevent you from forgiving someone. “Forgiveness does not include amnesia, and in fact, if someone harmed you it’s important to be wary of their future actions. You’re just choosing not to cling to the grudge, but your memory still works,” says Howes. While mistakes can be forgiven, the damage they can cause is still real, so never feel like you need to commit to ignoring that pain in order to move forward.

Graphics by Kayla Kern.

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Celeb Look of the Week: Brad Pitt, Inspired by His Own Self

The other day, someone asked me where I look for outfit inspiration, and the honest (albeit potentially narcissistic) answer occurred to me immediately: my own camera roll. Obviously it’s not the only place I get inspiration from, but it is a frequent source for the very practical reason that I am able to personally vouch for whether the outfit in question was a success, which can powerfully inform my decision to recreate it once more. Was it comfortable? Did it still look good at 12 p.m.? What about 4 p.m.? Did it garner any compliments? Did it make me feel like my best self? All answerable questions, thanks to the memory bank my mirror selfies are wont to sharpen.

I imagine Brad Pitt went through a similar thought process before showing up to the Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood premiere in Mexico dressed in a nearly identical ensemble to one he wore on another red carpet in 2001:

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#stickofbutter would be nowhere without these fearless pioneers

A post shared by Harling Ross (@harlingross) on Mar 27, 2019 at 11:24am PDT

Beige suit? Check. Slightly different shade of beige shirt? Check? Brown shoes? Check. A fedora was his only addition to what he clearly deemed a perfect, replication-worthy outfit 18 years later, and thank goodness for that. The hat–and his influx of facial hair–really finishes the look off nicely, though the loss of Jennifer Anniston’s coordinating outfit by his side is exactly that: a loss. But who am I to dwell on heartache when there are further hypotheses regarding Brad’s multi-decade beige allegiance to unpack?

Since Brad is a celebrity, he doesn’t need to peruse his camera roll for outfit ideas like I do. The internet is a roiling catalogue of his past wears. Getty images! Nostalgic Instagram accounts! #Stickofbutter hashtags! People.com relationship retrospectives! Raya! No matter where he recently happened across his initial foray into head-to-tie cookie dough, I’m delighting in the possibility that it served as the basis for his most recent red carpet whirl.

He was probably reminded of how special it is to dress in brown when every other guy in your vicinity is dressed in black, of how fun it is to match your outfit to your balayage highlights. He probably realized that the 2001 version of this outfit was “before its time”–or rather, before the time when brilliant attire of this nature could go viral thanks to a Twitter thread comparing it to various loaves of bread. So of course he decided to recreate it. Of course he was inspired by the success of an outfit he could personally substantiate. Stars. They really are just like us.

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Low Stakes Hot Take: “Learning From Your Mistakes” Is Overrated

Welcome to Low Stakes Hot Take, a regular column wherein one of us shares an impassioned opinion on a seemingly random topic that probably doesn’t matter much. Or—wait—does it?

This is what you need to know: Once, in a work meeting not six weeks into my first job out of college, I addressed my boss as “mom.”

Had there been an option to tear that small, windowless meeting room asunder so that the earth’s molten core could absorb me whole and carry the—by that point—lifeless, formless remnants of my body, now unidentifiable primordial ooze, into the depths of this scorched planet, well, I would have taken it. As it was, no such respite was offered to me by whatever gods exist in this world. I had to sit there around that brainstorming table having called my boss—my enormously respected and successful boss—“mom.”

I was reminded of this, my most humiliating error, when I read a viral Twitter thread this week. You might have seen it: a woman has a phone call with her favorite superior, after which she hangs up and sighs to her colleague, “My crush worsens by the day! Honestly, I can’t tell if I want to be his mistress or his daughter.” I think you can guess what happens next. This poor woman—who has all of my sympathies, so much so that I’m taking sympathies away from other more urgent matters in order to transfer my sympathy surfeit to her—had not, in fact, hung up the telephone. The man she wishes could be her lover and/or, er, father had heard every word she said. Excuse me while I fling myself directly into the sun.

In the immortal words of Mark Harmon on a 1999 episode of Chicago Hope: “Shit happens.”

Mistakes like these, awful and unsettling, happen all the time. They happen because we haven’t hung up the phone properly, or because we’re really tired, or because the senior authority figure doesn’t remind you of your mother, exactly, but she is a woman and she is the boss of you, so. In the immortal words of Mark Harmon on a 1999 episode of Chicago Hope: “Shit happens.”

Back in April, I interviewed a few experts on failure for this very website. I was trying to get to the bottom of how, exactly, we could learn from our setbacks. Most of them said the same thing: That every mistake was a lesson in disguise, and that understanding failure would allow us to succeed in the future. One of them, the author and host of the How To Fail podcast Elizabeth Day, told me that she believed that there was a lesson to be learned in every single mistake. She did caveat this by saying that she speaks from an “extremely privileged perspective” and that she knows that not everyone will agree with her. But she genuinely believes that failure is a thing with indexes, an encyclopedia with diagrams and subheadings and page numbers that can be studied and learned.

But what if learning from your mistakes is just another thing you can screw up?

Sometimes, I find myself agreeing with her. I think about the lessons I learned from being routinely late to lectures (be organized; avoid the coffee shop with the big lines) or from an appalling first date that turned into a much better second one (first impressions aren’t always correct; also who chooses immersive theater for a first date?).

But what if learning from your mistakes is just another thing you can screw up? Looking at it from that perspective, it starts to seem like a tall order. Or one that dovetails a little too nicely with anxiety. I have a bad habit of replaying events over and over in my head, never quite satisfied with how they shook out, even when they shook out objectively well. It’s an anxious tic, a byproduct of that niggling feeling that any imperfection could and should be improved upon, that [extreme Michelle Yeoh in Crazy Rich Asians voice] I will never be enough. I remember lying in my bed in the… very… early hours of the morning after my friend’s wedding, rewinding the mental tape on my maid of honor speech. It was like I was editing it, as if it were a conversation between myself and my editor about the syntax and the flow and the grammar of all of the anecdotes and emotion I poured into that speech. And to what end?

Sometimes it’s important to remind yourself that mistakes, a little stumble here and there, are a part of life.

There’s value in wanting to improve after making a mistake, but there’s a danger, too. It introduces the pressure of optimization in every aspect of your life, in every detail no matter how small. Of always taking two steps forward after one step back. But I think there’s something to simply wallowing in the disgrace of your failures every now and then. I’m talking about “mom-gate,” yes, and all the other mistakes I’ve made in my life that are just that—stupid, idiot mistakes. Like when I thought the chorus to Gettin’ Jiggy With It went “hit the chicken with it.” Or when I was on holiday and missed the last ferry back from a secluded beach for no reason other than that I was lost in my own thoughts, looking out at the view. (That happened to me this week. This week!)

Making a mistake doesn’t feel good, but pressuring yourself into constant improvement doesn’t feel good, either. Sometimes it’s nice to practice a little self-acceptance. Sometimes it’s important to remind yourself that mistakes, a little stumble here and there, are a part of life. Mistakes are what makes us human. Alexander Pope said that.

Animation by Madeline Montoya.

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Bring Back These 6 Discontinued Products, Please!

I recently spent months trying to remember the title of a certain video game suite I loved as a kid, sure that it had informed my creative sensibility. I could only recall small details: a pancake house, a clairvoyant crow, a map of a town. When research led to dead end after dead end, I began to think I’d made it all up. One day, I mentioned it in passing to my mom, who did not remember, but soon after forwarded me the weekly promo email from Kickstarter, casually asking, “Is this what you’re talking about?”

By some outlandish stroke of luck, it was.

To my knowledge, I’ve never met anyone else who played these video games, and yet Rhizome, an organization championing born-digital art and culture, had successfully crowdsourced the funds to conserve three video games created by the late artist Theresa Duncan between 1995 and 1997. Suddenly these instantly familiar universes were accessible to me once more (you can play them here).

Kismet like this has made me greedy. In the spirit of Mistakes Month on Man Repeller, I present you a list of other discontinued items I yearn for and wish someone would bring back. And I invite you to file your own polite requests below, on the off-chance that someone in product development at a millennially-minded, direct-to-consumer brand heeds our comment section. I’ll kick us off with the below products that embody the existential and yet immortal words of the Grateful Dead/Jerry Garcia: “Such a long time to be gone, and a short time to be there.”

1.Pylones’ Jelly Watch

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LIQUID CLUTCH AND SLINGBACK. BACKSTAGE AT FW19 #ChristopherKane #LiquidLadies Photography: @wiktorisvictor

A post shared by Christopher Kane (@christopherkane) on Feb 21, 2019 at 6:00am PST

I think I stopped caring about accessories when I lost this watch. The void it left behind was too cavernous, and somehow I knew from the moment of its French exit that I’d never be able to find a comparable replacement. Pylones, an off-kilter toy store that enjoyed a burst of popularity in the early aughts, once sold a Christopher Kane-esque jelly watch. It had blue, green, maybe even yellow emulsion coursing through the transparent band, revolving around a digital timepiece in the center. It was my prized possession. One night in 2004, scooting into the backseat of my grandparents’ sedan after dinner at a family friend’s house, I noticed that my wrist was bare. The watch was never seen again. Hear my desperate plea, designers of Pylones and/or Christopher Kane. PVC bags have bodysurfed their trendy wave; give us exactly one spunky, liquid watch.

2.This blouse by Ralph Lauren’s Rugby

I can’t believe there are so many ill-fitting blouses merchandised in stores every day when Rugby (Ralph Lauren’s late, health-goth-before-its-time subsidiary) perfected the silhouette years ago. Said blouse is unrivaled in my closet for its 1) flattering fit and 2) flimsy but forgiving, lightweight but substantial fabric, in a 3) harmless and practically neutral floral print with 4) flouncy sleeves that hit the bicep just right. “Flattering” can be construed as a controversial concept, so I’ll put it another way: If I could buy this blouse in seven different color ways, I would wear it Monday through Sunday, breaking blouse-fast only with the occasional pair of pajamas. I nominate Rachel Antonoff to render it in an absurd print of neon fly fishing tackle and for Entireworld to recreate it in a solid honeydew green or a Pantone match for the Hermes orange.

3.Bourjois Shine Edition Lipstick in “Oh My Doll”

I think my mom received this as a party favor from an event and somehow it ended up in my vanity, which I discovered once while home from college. Finders, keepers. I’m not much of a makeup person, and neither is my mom: I seem to accumulate palettes and brushes and glosses in case of some kind of unforeseen cosmetic emergency more than I actually apply it to my face—but this lipstick checked all the right boxes in a way that only an unclaimed lipstick found in your vanity can. The color of almond butter, it had a creamy consistency that spread on evenly with a hint of honey-like sheen. A beauty inside and out, Tia is wearing it here, straight from my one precious tube during an urgent case of dry-lippedness on set.

Someone else seems to recognize this lipstick’s implicit value, and that person is a seller on eBay. As much as I long for a replenishment, I’m not able to stomach the idea of buying a lipstick tube off of the secondary market. You know who could, though? Someone working in the Innovation Department at Bourjois. Otherwise, this seems like an opportunity for Glossier.

4.The OA

This wound is fresh: Netflix announced last week that it will not be renewing Brit Marling and Zal Batmanglij’s show The OA for a third season. A series with an ardent fanbase, The OA’s cancellation has inspired a #SaveTheOA campaign, along with a bubbling of Reddit-hatched conspiracy theories that suspect the recent news is just a decoy in an elaborate Season 3 marketing scheme of fact blurring with fiction and reality blurring with otherworldly dimensions, inspired by the season finale cliffhanger where (spoiler alert!) the actors had broken the fourth wall, appearing as “themselves” in a final scene. Algorithmically, there’s no reason I should like this “sci-fi” show: I didn’t advance past episode one of Stranger Things and I couldn’t tell you which Star Wars movies I’ve seen. In actuality, The OA is the only show I’ve gobbled up in a bingey fit this year. Marling and Batmanglij have spun this riddle that expands as it reveals itself, and I hold a deep-seated belief that heartthrob Emory Cohen, who plays Homer on the show, is Hollywood’s best kept, most underutilized secret. I guess we’ll just have to hope that Netflix will pick the show back up again in the 2030s, when it’s cool to reference 2019-era television.

5.Leandra’s yellow pinafore by Delpozo

I really feel this one speaks for itself.

6.A smocked Trademark top in a Liberty print

I bought two of these white Trademark tops on The RealReal months ago, stockpiling items I figured I’d never see in a retail environment again. To my amazement, Harling and I walked by MR contributor Juliana Salazar on the street in early summer and saw her wearing the exact same silhouette by Tory Burch (yes, I went to the store and bought it the next day). I didn’t even know this style had ever existed in a liberty print floral until I glimpsed it in an old Man Repeller partnership story. I doubt I’ll ever sleuth one on TheRealReal in my size (you know what they say about lightning striking twice), but looks like you could. Eek!

What discontinued items do you need back in your life?

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How Antidepressants Ended My Hunt for the Perfect Natural Deodorant

I saw the sponcon, I heard the podcast ads, I was urged by my most granola friends to finally make the great deodorant switch. To live my cleanest, greenest life, and join the aluminum-free army. In a world of natural beauty, our pits have become the final detox frontier. From drugstore to dermstore, there has been a global purge of aluminum, the compound in antiperspirants that temporarily “plugs” your sweat ducts and prevents wetness. The beauty industry’s reasoning? Aluminum’s potential link to diseases like Alzheimer’s and breast cancer, which are yet to be proven with any scientific evidence. My reasoning? Aluminum’s actual link to turning the pits of my white T-shirts yellow, which is proven by both science and by the graveyard of Everlane U-necks that now live in my “pajama drawer.”

My foray into natural deodorant started with Lavanila (too chalky), then transitioned to Schmidt’s (too much baking soda), then forged on to Malin & Goetz (too expensive) and Soapwalla (too intimate with that finger application situation), before finally landing on my holy grail, Crystal Roll-On. I began preaching the gospel to anyone who’d listen. Crystal was cruelty-free, unscented, unfussy, and most importantly, it actually worked! I was finally living my purest, odor-free life. Until, suddenly, my mental health situation changed, and oddly, so did my sweat. Crystal stopped working, and thus my journey began anew, leading me right into the arms of something even better.

The SSRI Sweat Situation

I’ve always been “sensitive” beyond just my delicate ghost skin. Sensitive to the sun and synthetic fabrics. Sensitive to lactose and antibiotics. Sensitive to every beat of the world around me, to the motions and sounds and feelings of others, all distilled into an overwhelming swell in my own brain. Which is ultimately why last year, I was formally diagnosed with a small collection of anxiety and panic disorders. After years in therapy, I decided to finally “add another tool to my mental health toolbox,” and try Lexapro, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), which is often used to treat generalized anxiety disorder.

And like any anxious person embarking on a new medical journey, I prepared myself by way of internet research. On r/lexapro, I learned the side effects of SSRIs could fill an entire universe, from nausea and weight gain, to insomnia and anorgasmia (this isn’t a Lars Von Trier film, it’s the inability to orgasm, which now that I think about it, would make a decent Lars Von Trier film). I would soon become intimately acquainted with all of it and then some, but the one thing I wasn’t prepared for was a curious change in my sweat.

It was the dawn of a new era of stank, and I needed something stronger than Crystal Roll-On to keep it at bay.

I wasn’t just experiencing night sweats—a symptom noted in the Lexapro leaflet, which was subsiding every day—but “different sweats.” I was sweating more, and smelling worse—like a gym sock steeped in toilet bowl cleaner possibly left to rot in a hamster cage. After researching further, I learned this wasn’t totally abnormal. To put it simply, SSRIs increase levels of serotonin in the brain, and affect both the hypothalamus, which sets our core temperature, as well as the spinal cord, which can lead to excessive sweating. Turns out I had taken my special flavor of body odor for granted, assumed that it was a trait as permanent as my eye color. But I was wrong. It was the dawn of a new era of stank, and I needed something stronger than Crystal Roll-On to keep it at bay. But what?

The Curious Incident of the Reddit Thread in the Nighttime

A few weeks later, something caught my eye on Reddit during an insomnia-fueled internet binge: “HOT TIP (got any acids lying around that didn’t work for your skin? try using them as deodorant!).” The original poster claimed that, after using some AHAs and BHAs on her armpits, she no longer needed to use deodorant. I was intrigued. Did I have a bunch of unused acids in my bathroom? Of course. As a r/skincareaddiction phD candidate, I had half a dozen. Did I want to try a new deodorant? Desperately. My brain was thriving, but my odor situation was dire.

I was still sweating but I smelled like, well, nothing.

So after my next shower, I dug into my medicine cabinet for the Mario Badescu Glycolic Acid Toner that had previously wreaked havoc on my face. I squirted some of the highlighter blue liquid on a cotton pad, gave my pits a few swipes, and went about my day. And I’m delighted to report: Nothing happened. I was still sweating (you need an antiperspirant to be completely dry), but I smelled like, well, nothing.

It turns out Reddit was onto something. According to Michelle Wong, PhD and expert behind Lab Muffin Beauty Science, it’s not your sweat itself that smells, but “the bacteria that are feeding off your sweat and oil glands producing waste.” And the glycolic acid? It “may act like a weather change to the bacteria, causing a low pH environment so they can’t survive.” A Racked article often cited on r/skincare suggests testing this out with watery 2% BHAs or 7-10% AHAs, which are “strong enough for serious daily use, but not peel strength.” And fortunately, there shouldn’t be any risks associated with using these products as deodorant, but look out for irritation just in case. I was lucky enough to strike gold with the first acid I tried, but it’s important to tread carefully those first few weeks.

A Routine Renewed

Months later, my experiment has turned into a habit. My morning self-care routine now consists of Lexapro down the hatch, glycolic acid under my arms, some toothpaste on my teeth, and a lot of sunscreen on my skin. There’s something incredibly satisfying about opting for science over hype, like I’m privy to a secret that magically freed me from a life of twist-up deodorant goo. Although I can’t take credit for inventing this solution, I feel like an enterprising chemist every time I give my pits a swipe. Plus, it’s cheap. I’ve been working away at that $18 Mario bottle for almost a year now. It’s not exactly Instagrammable, but it works for me, for now.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from my journeys in deodorant and anxiety, it’s that your mileage may vary. Talk to your doctor. Do your own research. Accept that life is one big experiment and sometimes it takes a bunch of tries before something works. And even then, you’ll probably change again. I’ve given up on trying to be a sweet-smelling, photo-ready, goddess of perfection. Instead, I’ve chosen to do what works for me, even if it isn’t luxurious or particularly impressive. Sometimes it’s okay to aspire for unscented.

Olivia Crandall is a writer and illustrator from Chicago. She’s passionate about mental health, reality TV, and crunchy snacks.

The post How Antidepressants Ended My Hunt for the Perfect Natural Deodorant appeared first on Man Repeller.

The Summer Uniform for You, According to Your Personality

Contrary to what school calendars and office mentalities might suggest, summer is not even close to “almost over.” It is, in fact, very much “sticking around” until September 23rd, which means we have ample time to flesh out our respective summer style identities. This is an important endeavor, one that would not be complete without plenty of experimentation, trial-and-error, (gentle) slaps to your cheeks and forkfuls of freshly cut watermelon. As someone who has already spent a good deal of personal and professional hours dedicated to the cause, I’m here to give you a little motivational nudge.

Below are three summer style identities for your consideration. Each of them features a selection of pieces available through Klarna, a payment provider that gives you the option to buy now and pay later (or over time, depending on individual merchants’ policies), which means you can get what you want when you want it. Of course, like any other sort of payment structure, the bills have to be paid on time, so it’s important to always spend (and save) wisely. Go ahead and scroll!

1. The Perpetual Vacationer

Behold the summer uniform for those of us who are routinely dressed for an impromptu getaway, even if said getaway is simply a walk to the nearest ice cream store with a down-to-clown pal. If you like wearing bikinis as tops, keep a weekend bag within spitting distance “just in case,” draft funny OOO responses in your downtime, prefer flip-flops over every other form of footwear, and make a habit of treating Wednesdays like Fridays… this is the identity for you.

See All 3


2. The Resolution Maker

Whether you are the person who treats summer like their personal New Year’s Day or you fantasize about being that person, here is an outfit template conducive to either actuality. There is truly nothing like dressing akin to a masseuse at a massage conference to help you fulfill all manner of self-promises, including but not limited to: going on more walks, wearing more sunscreen, and eating more heirloom tomatoes.

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3. The Social Caterpillar

For people (like me) who are not quite introverts and not quite butterflies, who alternate between long stretches of alone time on the couch and close-friend catchups over Aperol spritzes, who blush when placed at the center of attention but enjoy it nonetheless, oh boy do I have outfit idea for you. It involves shoes that are comfortable to walk in, a skirt that can easily transition from lunch to TV-watching, sunglasses to shield your eyeballs from awkward run-ins with erstwhile acquaintances, and a bodysuit fit for lounging and frolicking alike.

See All 3

Now tell me, have you found your summer style identity, or are you still on a fishing expedition?

Photos by .

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