Leandra Medine's Blog
October 26, 2020
Notice of Wind Down & A Publishing Update
As of Friday, October 23, 2020, Repeller is closed. The site will no longer publish new stories but the archive will remain available to access. Thank you to everyone who has contributed their talent and effort to this brand.
And thank you, the audience, for having chosen to spend time here.
I wish you all the very best.
The post Notice of Wind Down & A Publishing Update appeared first on Repeller.
October 19, 2020
How to Decorate Your NYC Apartment on a Budget with Street-Scavenged Gems and Vintage Trésor
I come from a family of expert-level dumpster-divers and road-pickers.
My grandfather once found two flat-screen TVs on the side of a road in his neighborhood in Florida. He picked them up, put them in his car, and drove home—where he set them up in separate rooms, so that he and my grandma could watch their different soap operas every night, in peace.
The next day, my grandpa walked up to the house where he’d found the TVs—then knocked on the door and asked for the remotes.
Looking at the cast-off or once-loved/now abandoned objects in alleys and stoops and dusty thrift store shelves and seeing possibility— this is a trait that runs in my family. Moving into a new apartment after graduating from college meant beginning a new chapter, as an official adult—and wanting an official, adult apartment. For me, this meant spending my entire summer searching for cheap furniture and sorting out how I wanted my apartment to look. Here’s how I did it, with a mix of tried-and-true online and NYC shops.
Mother of Junk ($)
567 Driggs Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11211
Junk is the ultimate spot in Brooklyn for well-priced treasures. I mean, I grew up upstate, so I know I could find almost everything in their store for half the price back home, but within the five boroughs? This place is a goldmine.
Skip it if you’re not in the mood to hunt: I’ve found all of my gems here by trial-and-error: rifling through painting after painting, stepping on glass on the second floor, and going to the store at least once a week for a month. Unfortunately for those of us inclined toward wheelin’ and dealin’, they do not like when you try to bargain or bundle. I’ve tried.
I got these three framed exhibition prints, which fit perfectly on the wall above my couch and dining set.
Habitat for Humanity ($)
6201 Northern Blvd, Queens, NY 11377
Habitat for Humanity, although better upstate, is great for used furniture—and they have a store in Queens! Everything here is sold to support their nonprofit work, through which volunteers build affordable homes for families in need.
At Habitat, I purchased a large mantle, which I later painted white. I also picked up a lamp, a record player, a midcentury dresser, a picture, and a frame.
Dobbins St. Co-Op ($$$)
310 Graham Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11211
Dobbin’s Street Vintage Co-Op is a dream. It’s not cheap, but the prices are reasonable for what they are selling, which is amazing vintage furniture. I often go just to look and dream big, big interior-decorating dreams.
Remix Market ($$)
33-56 11th St, Queens, NY 11106
Located in Astoria, Remix is a small store with a wide variety of home goods—plus they’re super active on Instagram, so it’s easy to stay up to date. I have had success bundling here—like with a recent purchase of a dresser, lamp, and painting, all for under $100. Remix also gets five stars for its friendly workers, who won’t mind helping you load furniture into an Uber.
ONLINE ONLY
Facebook Marketplace
The only reason I have not deleted my Facebook is because of its online market. Sometimes before bed, I’ll go on just to see what people around me are selling: I’ve found mushroom lamps, mirrors, couches, and everything else under the sun. (Often, the good vintage furniture is in New Jersey.) If you’re looking for a cheap coffee table or armchair, have at it, and make offers fast—most people here are moving and want to get rid of their items quickly.
We got this cute little yellow chair, which fits perfectly in our dining room, for free!
Craigslist
Craigslist: Scary, yet some amazing finds, like beautiful vintage speaker systems, record players, dining room tables, and more. We purchased a green chair here—barely used and in perfect condition, for $100!
OfferUp
Offerup may very well have the cheapest furniture online—check it out if you’re not on Facebook. I expect the prices here to be half what they are at a shop like Remix.
Etsy
Etsy has everything: If you can’t find what you’re looking at the shops above, Etsy will have it—whether it’s the perfect grandma-style afghan or a vintage exhibition print. Etsy is full of small vintage shops from all over the world, and many are reasonably priced. If something’s still too much, message the seller and share your budget—it doesn’t hurt to try!
StoopingNYC
View this post on InstagramI’m “falling” for this chair (get it??? Terrible we know). 842 Quincy st. #stoopingbrooklyn
A post shared by Stooping NYC (@stoopingnyc) on Oct 4, 2020 at 8:25am PDT
Last but not least: my favorite instagram account. StoopingNYC posts free stuff from the sidewalk daily—like perfect-condition dressers and couches that (probably) don’t have bed bugs. Personally: I would think twice about taking upholstered furniture from the side of the street—but hey, that’s up to you, and my grandpa would totally do it.
Be careful if you follow this account—it is difficult missing out on exceptional pieces.
I found a mirror and frame on the sidewalk—I painted it a butter yellow!
While I was at it, I also painted my pot holder and the outer glass that holds my candle in a messy white and yellow check.
Happy treasure hunting and make sure you bring a friend with you to pick up anything. Wear a mask, and be smart!
What’s the greatest thing you’ve found for cheap or on the side of the street?
The post How to Decorate Your NYC Apartment on a Budget with Street-Scavenged Gems and Vintage Trésor appeared first on Repeller.
October 16, 2020
Am I The Only One Who Doesn’t Want To Look Like Glass?
Glass is lifeless. Invisible. It’s nothing, really. It exists to be seen through. It possesses no beauty of its own. It refracts the light and bends the truth.
I do not want to look like glass.
And yet! There are 348 emails in my inbox telling me I should. There are 402,000 Instagram posts suggesting the same. There are over one billion Google search results for “glass skin,” a mélange of articles and blog posts and product pages, all offering advice on how to make my skin look less like skin and more like an amorphous solid.
Erase Your Pores In 3 Easy Steps!
Decimate Your Dead Skin Cells Overnight—The Right Way!
A Handy Guide To Hiding Your Pimples, Dry Patches, Acne Scars & Other Signs of Existence!
17 Resurfacing Treatments To Give You The Glow of A Recently Refinished Hardwood Floor!
How To Completely Replace Your Human Skin With Better, Dewier Dolphin Skin!
OK, fine, these headlines are made up—but the energy behind them isn’t. The pursuit of glass skin really is this ridiculous and unrealistic. To embrace glass as the aesthetic goal is to abandon (and worse, injure) the skin’s inherent functions.
There is a reason skin does not look like glass.
The aesthetically inclined have been glorifying glass skin for a while, since 2017 at least—long enough that the K-beauty creation is no longer a beauty trend but a beauty standard. Like all beauty standards, glass skin is a physical impossibility, and as such, the path to Windexed perfection is paved with products that always need to be repurchased. (How convenient for capitalism!) It’s unending. It’s addicting. It burrows into the brain. It inspires that specific kind of obsession that comes with coveting the unattainable.
I gave into this obsession for a time. I lamented the fact that my textured, sensitive skin would never look like glass. Or a glazed donut, or a seal, or a steamed dumpling, or Saran Wrap or a peeled egg. Insert shiny-skin catchphrase here.
Then I realized: It’s a good thing that glass skin is unattainable IRL (honestly, have you ever seen glass skin outside of social media?), because all the features I’d need to erase in order to get that smooth, glassy glow literally exist to protect me.
Like pores! Pores are outgoing channels for sebum and sweat, the skin’s natural highlighter-slash-moisturizer and the body’s temperature regulator-slash-detoxifier, respectively. You cannot shrink your pores and you wouldn’t want to. Without pores, or with too-small pores, you would overheat and/or explode.
And dead skin cells! Heads up: They aren’t dead. They serve an important biological purpose as part of the all-important skin barrier. Dead skin cells also store NMFs, or Natural Moisturizing Factors—basically, they’re the skin’s very own hydration station. The young, fresh skin cells underneath (you know, the ones you expose in an effort to look like glass) don’t do that. That’s why over-exfoliation can lead to dry, flaky skin.
And pimples! I’ve come to think of pimples as communications from my body, alerting me to what it needs. Cysts on my jawline? Time to take a hard look at my hormones. Closed comedones? My skin’s not into my product lineup. Inflamed cheeks? My body might be begging for a vegetable instead of another everything bagel with cream cheese. Even if I could Zamboni the blemishes away, I wouldn’t. They’re sharing need-to-know information, people!
Really, any type of texture is a communication from within—even the glass look itself. “A waxy, glassy, shiny forehead is incorrectly associated with a ‘glow,’ which it is not,” Dr. Barbara Sturm, the founder of the skincare line of the same name, once told me. “It is the sign of injury.” Seriously: Skin that looks like glass is skin that’s lost its essential skin-ness, its humanness, its health. If you can see your reflection in your complexion, it’s probably trying to tell you something—like, “Look at what you’re doing to me!!!” or perhaps, “Please stop.”
If glass skin is both unattainable and unadvisable, why do we want it?
Well, for one, it’s a natural progression of unnatural beauty standards. It’s the age-old pressure to look like a Barbie doll, updated for modern times: We’ve simply swapped plastic for glass (so eco-friendly!) and the male gaze for self-objectification (attempting to emulate an inanimate object is self-objectification in the most basic sense of the word).
But I also think our phones and laptops and televisions are to blame. In an increasingly virtual world, everything we see is behind a shiny glass screen—and as glass is wont to do, it creates a barrier. It places you on the outside, peering in at all the perfect people. Nevermind that the people are actually pixels. It’s human nature to want to join them, to want to be beautiful, to do almost anything to belong. I feel it, too.
If I’m being honest, when I say “I don’t want to look like glass,” what I mean is, “I wish I didn’t want to look like glass.”
I wish I didn’t internalize this impossible standard. I wish I didn’t have to justify the existence of my pores and pimples. I wish I didn’t let the state of my skin determine my sense of self-worth. I wish I didn’t doubt it, just a little bit, when my boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful. I wish I didn’t feel compelled to convince us all that it’s OK to let our skin be skin, but here I am.
Skin is skin.
It is not glass, and it is not supposed to be.
It always has texture and pores, and it sometimes has acne and oil slicks and inflammation.
It’s alive, it’s dynamic, it’s divinely designed, and it’s talking to you.
Do you really want to silence it for the sake of looking like a transparent shard of molten sand?
The post Am I The Only One Who Doesn’t Want To Look Like Glass? appeared first on Repeller.
I Found the Best Going Out Top for Staying In
I never believed in the concept of a “going-out top” until about a month ago. In college, I remember changing no less than 100 dramatic times before going out—my go-to was always a combination of big tees, sweaters, and a blazer, which (shockingly) didn’t feel right on a weekend evening.
Just a few weeks ago, though—during what we may later describe as the all-time peak of NOT going out—something made me a believer: this top on Instagram. I wanted to nudge my 21-year-old self: This is it! This is a going-out top! It has a square-ish neck, dives deep into the armpits, shows some décolleté, and yet is still a knit (ribbed!). Bonus: It’s cozy enough for cold autumn evenings.
If I were going out anywhere, this would be my going-out top. At present, it will be my most fashionable staying-IN top, a phenomenon I am determined to make happen.
Left: Khaite Spring/Summer 2020; Right: Khaite Fall/Winter 2020 via Vogue RunwayDo you remember when Khaite walked this neckline down the runway in both spring and fall 2020 runways shows? If you don’t, I’m here to let you know they did! (Here’s a similar version of it, with an investment-level price tag.) Now, I’ve started noticing this neckline everywhere, and I’d like to suggest this as the starting point for a deep dive into going-out/staying-in tops. One thing I’ll note is that the top I found is “one size fits all,” which I acknowledge does not truly mean one size fits all. Therefore, I’ve provided some great options below in a range of sizes so you can emulate the lewk!
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Khaite
Maddy Ribbed-Knit Sweater
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Pixie Market
Chiara Bustier Knit Top
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Kate Bodysuit
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Square Neck Top
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Clara Pullover
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Square Neck Shirt
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Bardot Top
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Square Neck Top
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Have you ever tried to wear a cute top with… a pair of sweatpants? If you haven’t, I have good news! It’s an instant mood booster. Wearing a really good top is like putting on mascara: It doesn’t hurt, and it *can* manage to make you feel a bit more pulled together—but it takes a bit of mental work, which is what I’m here to help with. This is the most perfect, most mood-boosting top around. Conveniently, it doubles as a perfect top for fall.
Top: Source Unknown; Sweatpants: Aritzia; Shoes: Nicole Saldaña; Bag: Danse Lente; Sunglasses: Aperçu X Alyssa Coscarelli; Bracelets: Lizzie Fortunato; Necklace: MacheteWhat will I wear it with? The aforementioned sweatpants, of course. That’s what I thought of immediately when I saw the top, though I also considered wearing it with some wide-leg trousers to my sister’s wedding. Or imagine how great it would be with some skinny pants or leggings, and an oversized denim shirt (unbuttoned, of course)? Perfection.
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Source Unknown
Sweetheart Neckline Ribbed Knit
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White Ribbed Square Neck Top
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Ingrid Ribbed-Knit Sweater
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Daily Paper
Purple Jaeda Top
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Rib Fitted Corset Top
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Square Neck Ribbed Long-Sleeve
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Sweetheart Square Neck Short Sleeve Knit Top
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Annette Square Neck Top
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That’s how I would dress it up (or down). What would you wear with the best staying-in-going-out top of the season? No constraints: Wear it at home or out (socially distanced, please).
The post I Found the Best Going Out Top for Staying In appeared first on Repeller.
October 15, 2020
What’s The First Light Jacket You Wear Come Fall?
I don’t even need to cram a cider donut into my face hole to know that the temperature slipping below 60 degrees Fahrenheit (I think that’s like 15 degrees Celsius? Idk I’m not a scholar) means we’ve got yet another fall on our hands. Now: The first day of fall was technically September 22nd, but it hasn’t really been fall until maybe a week ago. How can I say that with such authority? Because until then I hadn’t needed to pull out my light jackette: The jacket that slips over the cozy knits that shield your chilly nips, and/or your Risky Business button downs.
My light jacket happens to be a fire-engine red swing coat from the one-and-only Judi Rosen, a New York designer whose landmark SoHo location I visited last year on the recommendation of my co-workers. She calls it her “Spiritualized Denim Jacket” because she based it on an ’80s German rave coat. I wore it an obscene amount last fall, and slipping into it this season I found 75 cents in loose change and a ticket stub for Marriage Story, which sounds like a lie but I promise it is not.
In any case, because the totem of “the light jacket” always inaugurates a sense of seasonality, I wanted to ask some of the coolest and chic-est people I know about the first jacket they reach for when the tips of their noses start to get cold.
Cruise their answers below and see if you don’t find the next jacket to dump on that chair every time you get back to your room this season.
New Mom Ryan Norville Makes Practicality Meet La Mode
Jacket: Kordal; Top:
Donni
; Pants: YanYan; Shoes: Birkenstocks; Socks: Chup; Baby Wrap: Solly BabyTell me about the first light jacket you pull out of your closet for fall.
The light jacket I always go to first is this cream quilted number by Kordal. I think, for one, it’s the first jacket I see in my closet because it’s such a light color and I gravitate towards it because the color makes me happy. I usually associate colder weather with darker colors, but this jacket is great for people who have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that summer is over, but still want to get their early fall ‘fits off in style. It has snap closures and quilted pockets, so I like the styling options too.
How did you find it?
I discovered Kordal in a small boutique in Greenpoint. There was originally a cropped version of this coat in a coffee color that had sold out immediately in my size. I started following the brand on Instagram and stalked them until they knew who I was. That’s the great thing about small brands—you have accessibility to the designers and feel a connection to the brand. When the new silhouettes and colors were released, the designers Mandy and Jia reached out to me because they knew I was obsessed and I got it immediately.
How would you rate it on a scale of 1-10 in the following categories:
Windproof – 9
Sweaty-pits proof – 8.2
Versatility – 9
Cool factor – 10
So, where are you wearing it next?
I’m wearing this to go apple picking this weekend. I can practically taste the cider donuts right now!
Obviously this season, and getting dressed during this season, is feeling more complicated than it ever has. How are you feeling about getting dressed and showing up in general right now?
In the past six months I’ve seen the height of COVID, mass protesting and social unrest, and gave birth to a human. Needless to say, getting dressed was the very last thing on my mind. I’ve been patient with myself, but once I was ready to put a little bit more thought into my outfits again and have fun with getting dressed, I realized neglecting something I loved wasn’t the answer, either. So now I balance trying to have fun while getting dressed with functionality (can I breastfeed in this? Will I be overheated if I wear the baby in a carrier?). At the same time, I know that it’s not the end of the world if I can’t find the perfect outfit to express myself or have pre-pregnancy clothes that still don’t fit me again.
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Kordal
Sawyer Quilted Jacket
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Dogwalker Jacket
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Cotton Quilted Jacket
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APVCAMO
Upcycled Military Liner Jacket
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Micaela Greg
Dune Quilted Jacket
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Lauren Servideo Makes the Case for “The Cloak”
Jacket: Lindsey Thornburg; Bag: Kara; Shoes: CarvenFirst light jacket, go!
I guess this is light compared to, like, an Arctic parka, but it is still a pretty heavy duty coat: my Lindsey Thornburg cloak. It’s made from Pendleton fabric (iconic!) and I absolutely love the shape.
What’s its origin story?
I’ve known Lindsey since I was seventeen. All of her cool and talented friends wore her designs, and I promised myself that when I was older, I would get something of hers. I visited Lindsey’s studio a few years ago, and she very, very generously gave me an old cloak of hers. I especially love it because she wore it herself.
How would you rate it on a scale of 1-10 in the following categories:
Windproof – 10
Sweaty-pits proof – 8
Versatility – 9
Cool factor – 46,000
What’s the next “occasion” you’ll be wearing your cloak to?
Probably to the bodega to get an Arizona iced tea!
How have you been feeling about getting dressed in general these days?
I don’t really think all that hard about getting dressed, other than that I feel better/more ready if I don’t schlep around in pajamas all day.
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Lindsey Thornburg
Pendleton Trench Cloak
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Lindsey Thornburg
Pendleton Trench Cloak
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Dreamscape Handmade
Upcycled Pendleton Blanket Coat
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Thrilling
70’s Buttoned Hooded Poncho
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Mi-Anne Chan Loves Lime as Much as Me and Dakota Johnson
View this post on Instagram
The Best Vintage Clogs, Laura Ashley Sweaters, and Glass Goblets, Just for You!
I stumble across so many treasures on the internet while finding market for other stories. Here’s where I’ll share them with you, alternating weekly between vintage/second-hand and contemporary finds. Sign up here for our Shopping Newsletter, with eight additional finds every Friday.
I’ve never limited myself to trends—I’m not going to stop wearing a certain style of jeans just because they’re suddenly “out.” However, I do sometimes pay attention to the latest thing: Puffy sleeves gave me great joy (still do) as did clogs (again, still do). Generally, though, I find myself most satisfied by pieces that’ll stand the test of time.
This week, I’m sharing my longtime loves—variations of items I personally own that have given me serious joy. These include but are not limited to: a vintage double-breasted navy blazer, a pair of glass cocktail cups, and a pretty cardigan. Sneak a peek below for eight items I love and think you may, too.
1. The Ingredients for the Perfect Cocktail
My boyfriend Mikey and I occasionally use these glasses for our Friday Happy Hour series on Repeller’s Instagram. They make me feel extremely fancy. When not actually delivering the fruits of Happy Hour to my mouth, they’re out on display, and still providing me with great, Kondo-approved joy. With a serving of HAUS’s Peach Passionfruit, let’s sip with one pinky up.
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Uranium Glass Girl
Weston Louie Watermelon Cocktail Glass Set
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Peach Passionfruit
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2. Double-Breasted Blazer
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Elizabeth Cardinal Tamkin (@elizcardinal) on Apr 25, 2019 at 12:42pm PDT
One of my favorite possessions is this wool double-breasted blazer I took from my mom. It makes every outfit look more put together. I’ve worn it with sweatsuits, jeans, dresses, leggings… you name it. It’s also great for this time of year, when it’s chilly but not full-on jacket weather. And, hey, guess what? I found some for you, too.
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Lauren Ralph Lauren
Double-Breasted Wool Blazer
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Lauren Ralph Lauren
Double-Breasted Blazer with Crest
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Lauren Ralph Lauren
Double-Breasted Blazer with Crest
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Double-Breasted Wool Blazer
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3. Oh, These Sunglasses? They’re Vintage.
I have a pair of sunglasses a lot like these, and they are a reliable compliment-getter. I love the tinted lenses and the square frames—plus, the lack of a logo or branding give them a je ne sais quoi timelessness.
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The Quality Mending Co
Military Issue Frames with UV Protection
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4. A Collarless Jacket
A collarless jacket is another great way to make an otherwise effortless outfit look more put-together. Collarless jackets are fun to style, too, with either a collared shirt or, these days, a hoodie. This one, from Armani Collezioni via Thrilling, is quite a gem.
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Thrilling
Armani Collezioni 90’s Collarless Jacket
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5. Clogs Keep “Coming Back”
Hermès Spring/Summer 2021 via Vogue RunwayWhile clogs are pretty hot right now (see the recent Hermès spring/summer 2021 collection), they’re also eternal. My vintage ones are my favorites (and are the most comfortable). Here, I present a variety of styles, from slingbacks to mules, all of which are pretty amazing. I did include this not-vintage J. Crew suede and a a pair of Sixty-Nine cow print ones because I cannot stop thinking about either of them, sorry.
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Independence Vintage
70s Italian Suede & Cork Platform Clogs
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Bolted Vintage
60s Vegan Slingback Clogs
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Suede Clogs
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Sixty-Nine
Box Clog Cow
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Newbark
Leather Clog Mules
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Matron Patron
White Varnish Leather Clogs
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6. Vintage Laura Ashley Cardigan
I’m sad to report that my vintage Laura Ashley sweater is no longer with me (I lost it)—it was one of my favorite vintage possessions. There are a bunch of similar styles on Etsy and eBay for you to peruse, and for me to do some replacement shopping.
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Liinaloom
Laura Ashley Embroidered Cardigan
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Jezebelle Artwear
80s Laura Ashley Cardigan
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Going Around Again
Laura Ashley Embroidered Cardigan
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eBay
Laura Ashley Cropped Cardigan
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7. Oxblood Leather Jacket
This oxblood leather jacket is the one that got away. I don’t actually own one, but I have been regretting not purchasing the one I fell in love with back when I was in college. I love that it’s not black, yet still has the fierceness of a leather jacket. I like it medium-length—to the hips or just past them—and blazer style.
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VintAged Threads
70s Oxblood Leather Jacket
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Of Corsets Vintage
Tony Lama 80s Oxblood Leather Blazer
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Awww Shucks
70s Wilson Leather Belted Leather Jacket
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Blackbird Antiques NC
90s Gap Oxblood Leather Jacket
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8. And a Sleek Red Trench!
View this post on InstagramI guess I’m kinda struggling with this “overnight change of season” biz, huh.
A post shared by Elizabeth Cardinal Tamkin (@elizcardinal) on Oct 3, 2019 at 6:55am PDT
My trench coat has been a fall and spring staple for many, many years now. I own a navy one, but I really, really love the idea of these leather or coated red ones. I guess I inspired myself with the thought of that oxblood jacket?
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Tuscadero Vintage
70s Oxblood Leather Trench Coat
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Walk of Shame
Red Trench Coat
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Vintage Runs Deep
Red Leather Trench Coat
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Beth Jennifer Vintage
70s Leather Trench Coat
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Thrilling
Paul Monet 70s Leather Trench Coat
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Tara Jarmon
Patent Leather Trench Coat
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Anything you own and love that you’d like to recommend? Anything you’re looking for? Lay it on me!
The post The Best Vintage Clogs, Laura Ashley Sweaters, and Glass Goblets, Just for You! appeared first on Repeller.
October 14, 2020
3 Instagram-Inspired Interior Design Trends to Buy, Like, Immediately
After spending 99 percent of my time in my studio apartment during quarantine, I—like a lot of other people, I think—went through an extremely intense phase of wanting to redecorate the joint. I headed to Instagram for some inspiration and immediately became hopelessly overwhelmed by all the really incredible spaces. While chugging home décor insta-content, I noted three interesting trends: checkered, pastels, and organically shaped decor. I did not, in fact, redecorate my entire apartment, but I did invest in some exceptionally pleasing key pieces–all vintage or handmade—from those three categories.
Here, I’m excited to share the best of what I found with the help of superstar design enthusiast (and Repeller photographer) Beth. These are all quality pieces: one-of-a-kind artworks, handmade pieces, or vintage. Together, we confirmed my hypothesis: These three trends are indeed a thing and worth considering for your abode as well.
1. The Checkered Explosion
View this post on Instagram1970s Italian “Tappo” mustard modular sofa by John Mascheroni for Vectra.
Never say “How Are You?” Again! 5 Alternatives To Shake Up Your Small Talk Repertoire
I never know which popular strategy is better when people ask me how I’m doing.
Should I say, “I’m fine thank you, how are you?” like a cog in the greased wheel of social graces that grinds on and on, tamping down the dust that gathers upon the ruins of human connection?
Or should I say, “Actually I’ve been dreaming of my bones turning to liquid every night and I miss my mother so much that sometimes I cry when the rice cooker goes off because it reminds me of her, so on a 1-10 scale adjusted for pandemics and fundamental threats to the fabric of our society, like… a 6? What about you?” like a person who doesn’t have an aversion to prolonged awkward silences.
Honestly, at this point, neither of these options is doing it for me. The first one makes me feel like a ghost in a shell, the second is exhausting, and neither is adequately absurd or surprising enough to rise to the occasion of another Wednesday Zoom meeting. As a community service, I have devised a few fail-proof alternatives to “How are you?” to make your weird and stressful interactions in a weird and stressful world, weirder than they already were— but, like, in a fun way.
For the guy who says workweek platitudes like “Hump Day!” aloud in a way that he thinks is ironic, but actually he’s reaching that age and level of personality ossification where it’s not really ironic anymore:
To the co-worker who talks about the genuinely truly terrifying news as if it were E! News because she is either materially or psychologically insulated from catastrophe but you’re not and you wish she would just stop:
For the cool person you see on your daily dog walk that you want to be friends with, but you’re not quite sure how to break the ice:
For the manager who knows better than to tell you to smile but you can tell he really really wants to:
For the child of your friend who you must occasionally interact with and who is probably going to turn out okay but right now is just kind of “meh”
Graphic by Lorenza Centi.
The post Never say “How Are You?” Again! 5 Alternatives To Shake Up Your Small Talk Repertoire appeared first on Repeller.
October 13, 2020
Praying for Pregnancy During a Pandemic: ‘My Wife Said ‘I Feel Like You’re Manic Right Now’’
A few months ago, the Repeller team started putting together a series of stories about motherhood and parenting during the pandemic. The first piece featured Abbi, who detailed her experience of being pregnant for the first time during strict social distancing regulations in Los Angeles. Today’s story is shared by Katy, who has been undergoing IVF in order to conceive a child with her wife—a complicated process made even more harrowing by COVID-19 related business closures.
In 2019, when I was 35, I had a weird, super-late period. I happened to be going to see my OB that month and said, “Is this something I should be concerned about? My wife and I want to have kids but we’re probably still a year or two away from that.” She said, “You shouldn’t be worried about one weird period, but if you’re one or two years away from starting a family, I would recommend you just start the process and educate yourself and make an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist.” So, last May, we did that.
We had this very long appointment where they told us all of our different options—This is going to be quick and easy, you guys are healthy, it’s no problem. Then, by the time they finished my ultrasound, the doctor realized that I have almost no eggs left.
She said, “Yeah, I think you’re probably starting early-onset menopause.” My mom started at 37, so last year she’d said, “I don’t want you to wait.” And I said, “Well, we just went to Mexico, we’re supposed to wait at least six months because of Zika.” And she was like, “I don’t want you to wait six months, I want you to get tested and start now.”
So we basically started trying to get pregnant shortly after that. We found an egg donor online and started trying to do an IUI [Intrauterine Insemination]. Every month I would do blood work to determine whether I could even try that month based on my egg level. So, we tried three times and did not get pregnant three times. Then we had more months when we weren’t able to try at all.
I learned so much about my period while going through fertility. I literally realized at age 36 that my body’s been doing this for 28 years and I had no idea what the hell was going on. I didn’t understand the intricacies of which hormone your body produces during the first half of your period and which hormone your body produces in the second half, in order to thicken the lining to prepare for a baby to implant itself in your uterus. I just had no idea what any of this was doing.
There are gross things I’ve learned now that I’m supposed to be aware of when I ovulate. They recommend paying attention to your discharge during the second half of your period. There’s this woman who recommends putting your fingers in it so you’re familiar with the texture, and as the texture changes, you’ll know when you’re closer to ovulation. It’s the craziest stuff that I’ve learned about myself during all this. I think nobody knows anything about how their own fertility and reproduction works until there’s a problem.
Anyway, my hormone levels were too near to menopause that month and my doctor at the time would say, “I don’t recommend that you spend the money to try with your hormone levels looking the way they do.” Then we started with a new doctor right before COVID. She agrees with the diagnosis that I’m starting menopause very soon and she feels like I don’t have many months left. But she wants to continue on and keep trying a couple more times. We’ve basically said we want to try one more time. It fits how much sperm we have left from our sperm donor. But we wouldn’t try this May because the clinic was closed.
Then, on top of that, just coincidentally, super-fun, on my period that month, I started getting hot flashes. So I was having hot flashes, I don’t know, throughout the day and night, probably 25 to 30 times. It felt like this constant reminder that my window was closing rapidly and all I could do was sit in my apartment and think about it. There was just nothing I could do.
It felt like this constant reminder that my window was closing rapidly and all I could do was sit in my apartment and think about it. There was just nothing I could do.
Hot flashes come along with some of those fertility drugs but this is definitely the first time I’ve had hot flashes without the assisted drugs. The first few times I didn’t even notice it and then by the end of the day I realized, “Okay, this is not like ‘Oh, I was walking around and I got hot.’ This is a hot flash and this is continuing to happen, it’s not a one-off and I’m not taking any drugs. This is just my body doing this.”
My hot flashes start from my back. So, all of a sudden it’s just, like, heat radiating off of my back all the way up my neck, under-boob sweat. I mean, it’s awful. The only good thing is that quarantine is a good time to have them because I can take my shirt off in the middle of a conference call and no one will know.
But, another thing that’s frustrating is that I follow all of these people—I don’t know what to even call them, people in the infertility world, women who are experiencing this—and I listen to a couple podcasts about it. Everyone was saying, “You know what, while we’re all taking time off of our fertility rounds, we’re home, maybe we’ll just get pregnant.” It was all of these heterosexual couples talking about how that’s an opportunity. And I was just sitting there with my wife going, “There’s no sperm in this apartment.”
Basically every time you start your period, you start the opportunity for a new cycle. So I called my clinic when my period started at the beginning of May and they said, “We aren’t able to open for that service.” They basically only opened for one very specific type of surgery or procedure, which is frozen embryo transfer. Not coincidentally, it’s the most expensive one that you can do. They weren’t open for the one that I need, which is the least invasive, least expensive. But they did say to check back in two weeks. So, I was ovulating that week in May, but there was nothing we could do because we didn’t go and get my baseline blood work done on the first week of my period.
I’m married and my wife has been incredible through all of this. She’s never had the desire to carry a child, so there are some aspects of this she can’t totally empathize with, but she’s been incredibly sympathetic. After I knew I wouldn’t get able to get an appointment, I’d been doing really well and feeling positive, like, “You know what? This is meant to work out the way it’s supposed to work out.” I’ve been on these crazy fertility diets and I’ve been completely restricted. I haven’t had caffeine or alcohol for, like, six months. In some ways it was a relief to be able to say during quarantine, “You know what? I’m going to have a glass of wine tonight and it’s fine.”
I thought, I’ve got at least two weeks where I can work out the way I want to work out. Eat whatever I want to eat. I can drink. I can stop eating so much goddamn kale every day. Kale is supposed to make you fertile. I think I drank an entire bottle of wine by myself. And I had a coffee on Saturday morning for breakfast. It was amazing. I’ve definitely had wine since then, but very healthy moderate amounts, not super-fun amounts of wine.
It was nice to have that stress removed. But Mother’s Day triggered me and everything felt impossible again. My wife had this moment where she looked at me and said, “I feel like you’re manic right now.” I’d said, “Hey, maybe [our guy friends] will be open to donating sperm. They can just come drop some off at our front door!” That’s so counter to the plan we’d created for ourselves. Going with a known donor was something we talked about in the beginning of our process, but for a lot of reasons we chose not to do that.
Then, all of a sudden, last minute, I’m like, ‘Hey, it’s Sunday. Do you think that by Tuesday we could get sperm from some friends?’
At that point, she felt this level of stress about it that I couldn’t understand. We talked about it and decided it was a little quick. We’d need to give our best friends some time to digest the information. It’s absolutely something we’d consider. The reality is that it would be so much cheaper for us to go that route.
I’m a birth mom. When I was 18, I got pregnant and I had a baby and placed him for adoption. We’ve spent $12,000 so far, which in the scope of IVF and infertility is really low, but given what we initially thought—that we’d just have to try this one or two times and we’d be pregnant and it would be done—we thought we were going to spend $5,000. The idea of not having to spend tens of thousands more is really attractive, especially right now. My wife is a photographer and she has no income right now, so we’re living off of my income. We’re super grateful that I have a job. But the idea of spending tens of thousands of dollars for more of this doesn’t feel safe right now.
Ever since then, I’ve been so excited to get pregnant and carry my own child when I was going to keep this child, and it was meant for me. The only year Mother’s Day was ever hard was the very first year after my birth-son was born. Since then, I’ve thought of Mother’s Day as a weekend to reflect on how incredible this boy is and to reflect on this incredible life he has that I’m tangentially part of and was completely unable to give him when I was 18 years old.
This is the first year where [not being a mother again] felt like it was absolutely not my choice and I may never have this opportunity. It was a really awful weekend. I just cried all day. I mean, like, crazy amounts of crying. We live right next door to a flower shop. I was doing a workout in my apartment on Saturday afternoon and watching people in line to buy Mother’s Day flowers, just in tears.
Trying to get pregnant through IVF is a huge rollercoaster. You go through all of this hope and excitement and you’re working toward something and you think it’s going to work. Then you find out that it didn’t work and it’s an incredible low and sadness. But then, literally two weeks later, you’re back on the hope part again. I would say there haven’t been very many lows other than the times when we’ve tried and it didn’t work.
Now, clinics have reopened, and we’ve been able to try again, but we had a chemical pregnancy, meaning I got a positive pregnancy test and then started my period about four days later. We’re now taking a month off and hoping to try again in November. During the initial quarantine lockdown, we had no idea when the clinics would reopen, and now having the option to try again in the future makes me feel much less trapped and hopeless.
The post Praying for Pregnancy During a Pandemic: ‘My Wife Said ‘I Feel Like You’re Manic Right Now’’ appeared first on Repeller.
Business, but Make It Risky: The 12 Best White Button-Downs In Town
In June, I announced my discovery of the best-ever white button-down. To this day, it’s still my go-to white shirt (even though I actually accidentally washed it with a tie-dye sock and now it’s more pink-ish, but that’s another story). Since then, a lot of people have come to me with specific white-shirt requests: larger collars, no collar, sleeve details, slim-cut. Lo, I have returned to take a deep dive into the wider world of exemplary white shirts.
I’ve personally had the pleasure of getting to feel and see most of the picks below in person, and I am excited to announce that they are all, indeed, fantastic options. It just depends on what style you’re going for!
These are my favorites—now it’s time for you to choose which one is right for you.
1. The Origina l Favorite
The Japanese Oxford Square Shirt from Everlane has maintained its position as my favorite white shirt. You’re welcome to read my extremely detailed story about it here, but I’ll quickly break it down for you: It’s the perfect weight, so it’s not see-through; it’s structured, not flimsy. It has a boxy cut, which is perfect for leaving untucked or front-tucked (your call). It’s the right shade of white, and it’s very easy to wash, as long as you don’t accidentally throw it in with a tie-dye sock. I’ve convinced many others to get their own, and the feedback has been uniformly positive. I personally went up a size for an oversized look.
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Everlane
The Japanese Oxford Square Shirt
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2. Oversized Risky Business Shirt
I do not own this shirt from Entireworld, but I sure would like to. I would perhaps style it with boxer shorts and white tube socks à la Tom Cruise, and I’d most definitely wear it with leggings and ballet flats. It’s 100% organic cotton, oversized, soft, and sturdy. Because it’s fairly thick, it’s made to wear unbuttoned, “jacket style,” on days that have just a teeny bit of chill. This is a white shirt story… but I do need to mention that I love the black.
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Entireworld
Organic Cotton Giant Shirt
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3. The Classic Menswear
My partner first had this Polo Ralph Lauren oxford in denim, and I found myself wearing it multiple times a week (thanks, Mikey!). I decided to get us (lol) the white version—and it turns out that we wear it just as much as the denim one. It’s a men’s style, so size accordingly. I purchased the medium (so we could share it, obviously)—I usually wear it with the sleeves cuffed and boxy or tied in front. Since it’s as easy to wash as a T-shirt, it’ll probably become an everyday staple for you, too.
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Polo Ralph Lauren
Oxford Sport Shirt
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4. The Perfect Slim-Fit
There are times when you cannot sub an oversized white shirt (though I do love them) in place of a slim-fit one. If you’re wearing a blazer or trousers, a slim fit is a much better option for sleeve layering or tucking. This 100% cotton poplin shirt by Alex Mill is machine washable and stays crisp with a quick steam or iron.
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Alex Mill
Bobby Cotton-Poplin shirt
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5. Statement Collar
I purchased a large-collared shirt—the one shown above—a couple of years ago and still wear it frequently. It was $35 and vintage from the ’80s. While there are very few contemporary options that are fully white (though I do love this one by Ganni), there are tons of well-priced vintage options. When you dig through the internet, I recommend looking at material: Look for cotton rather than polyester—and ideally the shirt will have cool, old-school details. I love wearing a statement collar shirt under a collarless jacket, with the shirt’s collar folded over.
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Ganni
Ruffle-Trimmed Cotton-Poplin Blouse
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Vintage By Ms P
60s Peter Pan Shirt
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Wander and About
Large Collar Blouse
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Gypsy Soul Vintage Shop
50s Edwardian Lace Eyelet Blouse
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Non Aprire Quell’Armadio
70s Lace Peter Pan Collar Shirt
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Furly Co
Antique Embroidered Cotton Blouse
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6. The Sleek No-Collar
There is, of course, the other collar extreme: no collar at all! This cotton one from COS is sleek and modern, with a giant pocket on one side of the chest. I also love the cut: It swings out a bit like the aforementioned Everlane style but is a little dressier, with concealed front buttons. I would most definitely wear this shirt with just the very top button done—and the rest of it loose, flowing out to my sides like a beetle’s wings—over a knit set or jumpsuit.
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COS
Organic Cotton Grandad Collar Patch Pocket Shirt
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7. Relaxed Utility
This shirt from Madewell stands out because of three distinct elements: the symmetrical breast pockets that give it a utility-minded flair, the lightweight fabric, and the triple-split back yoke (a very cool detail). I find this shirt easy to layer under sweaters or layered over tees and turtlenecks, making it extremely versatile.
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Madewell
Downtown Shirt
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8. The One That Doubles as a Jacket
I’ve had my eyes on this shirt in the cropped version since its launch. It has snap front buttons and could absolutely double as a lightweight jacket. (It also comes in an oversized version.) It’s technically denim, which also means it’s 100% cotton, and therefore qualifies as the thickest white shirt option here (and the one most coveted by moi).
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Fenty
Oversized Cropped Denim Shirt
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Fenty
Oversized Denim Shirt
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9. The Snazzy Tuxedo Style
I love a tuxedo shirt to specifically wear under a jacket, with a short chain necklace or two. This everyday-casual one is on sale at Lucky Brand for $13.99—or consider this dressier, investment-level option from Wardrobe.NYC. I love the bib detail of a tuxedo shirt—it’s a great way to instantly inject your outfit with a degree of classiness.
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Lucky Brand
Tuxedo Shirt
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WARDROBE.NYC
Mandarin-Collar Cotton Tuxedo Shirt
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10. Cool Construction
Talk about details! This shirt from Angela Brito has a very cool opening at the back that’s cinched with elastic and covered by a flap. Unlike the staple pieces above, this is a statement shirt. It’s also top quality—100% cotton and handmade in Brazil.
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Angela Brito
Aurora Shirt
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Do you have a favorite white shirt I’m missing? Let me know so I can add it to my repertoire!
The post Business, but Make It Risky: The 12 Best White Button-Downs In Town appeared first on Repeller.
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