Leandra Medine's Blog, page 94

11 Things That Are Amazing When They’re Good, Terrible When They’re Bad

Last month, The New York Times Style desk rounded up their best “hot takes” of the summer. Included in the list were the assertions that you should delete their instagram, beer gardens are a scam, and cute pool floats are infantilizing. But the hot take I can’t get out of my head is that “watermelon is amazing when it’s good, but truly terrible when it’s not.” I, of course, agree, and have been thinking of other things that fall into this perilous life category ever since. Below are 11 that come to mind.

Roommates

By choosing to live in New York, I have also chosen to live with roommates. I have lived with best friends and strangers from Craigslist (don’t tell my mom) who have turned otherwise generic apartments into blessed sanctuaries. Of course, the opposite also applies: bad roommates can turn those same apartments into cursed hellscapes. A memory that stands out is the time an extremely short-lived roommate kicked my suitcase down the stairs as I was moving out and yelled, “Welcome to New York, bitch,” as if we were on some dystopian East Coast version of The O.C. I shudder to imagine what would have become of a longer stay.

Sushi

I’ve had my fair share of Rainbow and Dragon Rolls, rolls of sushi so flavorful and fresh I’ve wondered if my servers had, in fact, gone fishing for them. Unfortunately, I’ve also had my fair share of lukewarm crab sushi from the grocery store that I brought home full of hope and choked down for the simple reason that I had no other options.

Box Cutters

After being coerced into buying a drill from an overly enthusiastic Home Depot employee (long story but turns out we weren’t flirting), I decided that at the ripe age of 28, it was time I started building my own toolbox. One of my first purchases, in anticipation of an upcoming move, was a box cutter. As I began breaking down and opening boxes in my new apartment, I was enthralled by its usefulness, in disbelief that I’d waited so long to buy one. A moment later I sliced open my forearm. Box cutters: life-saving until they’re life-threatening.

Strangers on Airplanes

My movie diet consists of a glut of rom-coms, which have unfortunately also shaped my expectations around dating. So dedicated am I to the idea of a meet-cute, that I sometimes choose the middle seat on airplanes, theoretically doubling my chances of sitting next to a potential romantic target. This has worked out for me approximately one time, on a flight from Denver, when a man bought my drink and laughed at my jokes for three hours straight—convincing me that airplane dating is superior to all other forms. Unfortunately, every other time, I’ve found myself next to a drunk man traveling on business or a baby whose only means of communication is a primal scream.

Fast Food

Most of my friends have evolved from our college days of waking up to four uneaten Crunch Wrap Supremes in our bed (that specific situation actually only happened to me), but I still dabble in drive-throughs from time to time. But with fast food, you never really know what you’re going to get. At the perfect moment, taking your fry for a dip in a Wendy’s Frosty is bliss. But all too often you open up a bag of food to find soggy buns and grease stains, and are forced to face your mortality in the form of eating what essentially amounts to congealed chemicals.

A few more examples of things that are great when they’re good, terrible when they’re bad—presented without further comment:

The OBGYN

Martinis

Thongs

“Mom” jeans

Reading the comments

Cancelled plans

Strapless bras

Yoga class

Staying up past 2 a.m.

What else?

The post 11 Things That Are Amazing When They’re Good, Terrible When They’re Bad appeared first on Man Repeller.

Big News About The Crown, Simone Biles, and 4 Other Things I Got Excited About This Weekend

A brand new week is upon us, which means it’s time to pause and reflect on the weekend just passed. Sometimes this means telling coworkers about your thrilling Sunday spent repotting houseplants. Sometimes it means forgetting everything you did and cobbling together a narrative when asked at the water cooler. Other days, like today, it means telling anyone who will listen about what you found and loved during your weekend Instagram scrolling sessions.

Here are five things that happily caught my attention on the app this weekend (including Monday morning because my brain was still very much in Sunday mode until approx 2:03 p.m.):

1. Olivia Colman Is Officially the Queen

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Season Three of The Crown, starring Olivia Colman as Queen Elizabeth II, arrives 17th November.

A post shared by The Crown (@thecrownnetflix) on Aug 12, 2019 at 6:01am PDT

As a fan of both The Crown and the family who inspired it, I’ve been waiting with bated breath for a glimpse of Olivia Colman as Elizabeth II. At last, Netflix delivered and never has a single glance been so thrilling. The countdown to the season three premiere on November 17th commences…right now.

2. Simone Biles Broke Another Record

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#SimoneBiles makes history again, becoming the first woman to land a triple-double in competition on floor at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships. SHEESH.

A post shared by The Cut (@thecut) on Aug 12, 2019 at 7:46am PDT

Just in case you’d somehow temporarily forgotten that there’s practically nothing Simone Biles can’t do, this weekend at the U.S. Gymnastic Championships she became the first woman in the world to land a triple-double in competition. For those not familiar with gymnastics lingo, a triple-double is three full twists and two flips on the floor!!!

3. North West Dressed Herself

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My Northie girl is the ultimate fashionista! She comes with me to fabric stores and picks out what she likes and for our Japan trip I let her style herself. I should have let her style me too lol. She loves it. She’s having fun and I am so happy she’s so expressive.

Astrology Doesn’t Have to Be Real to Be Helpful

Leos tend to be interested in astrology, I’ve found, which makes sense, given our reputation for self-obsession. My own interest was first piqued in 2017, when an editor asked me to write weekly horoscope recaps. I would read several major weekly horoscopes, and then pull the important parts and write them up free of the sometimes overly abstract, mystical language that comes with traditional astrology writing. I simultaneously loved the assignment and wanted to die every time I had to do it; it took hours and hours, and the horoscopes I recapped were repetitive and tedious. I found that looking at transits and aspects on Astro Seek or reading birth charts on Astro-Charts was significantly more interesting to me than weekly or daily predictions for each sign, and I eventually abandoned my weekly horoscope binge-and-purge in favor of writing my own.

Once I became proficient in the language of astrology, I began to see it everywhere, like I’d put on beer goggles that revealed cosmic truths. I have a natural tendency to avoid conflict, which I couldn’t articulate honestly until learned about my Libra Mars. My placements could explain my desire to stay home or go out, my shyness and my desire to connect. Many things were true at once because of the pull of various planets; my Saturn in Pisces telling me to lay in bed all day, and my Jupiter in Sagittarius begging me to go visit a museum. My coworkers and I got along so well because we were all fixed signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius), meaning we were all hard workers who liked a certain amount of independence.

Ariana Grande has a Capricorn rising and Venus in Taurus, two placements that might cause someone to equate happiness with Louboutins.

Because of astrology, my intake of pop culture changed completely, too—I couldn’t stop looking at celebrity charts on Astrotheme and feeling satisfied by how perfectly Jake Gyllenhaal’s Sagittarius Sun and Mercury explain his goofy Instagram account for his cat. The song “7 rings” made a lot more sense to me once I found out Ariana Grande has a Capricorn rising and Venus in Taurus, two placements that might cause someone to equate happiness with Louboutins.

The Total Astro Takeover wasn’t all my fault: It feels as though the topic is inescapable, culturally, right now. Everyone tweets about their Co—Star notifications, Chani Nicholas makes us all Spotify playlists, and Shailene Woodley makes birth charts for the characters that she plays. Of course, technology is partially responsible—information about astrology is more accessible than ever, and new Gen-Z astrologers moderate meme accounts on Instagram, creating astro content in the most bite-sized form possible.

The sudden interest in astrology seems connected to the pressure we feel to optimize ourselves.

For those of us who put zodiac bingo memes on our IG stories and are otherwise extremely online, the sudden interest in astrology seems connected to the pressure we feel to optimize ourselves, a pressure that’s beautifully articulated in Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror. In her essay “Always Be Optimizing,” Tolentino writes that young people are simultaneously experiencing intense precarity and increasingly unhinged marketing about self-improvement. Lean In and #GIRLBOSS pop feminism tell us that we are responsible for stepping up and facilitating our own success. At its worst, using astrology to look inward is perhaps just another way to Claim Our Power and Live Our Best Lives.

Then again, this self-reflection can be genuinely useful. If you have a Scorpio Moon in your chart, for example, you might read “you may have a tendency to make villains of people who you feel have wronged you.” It’s possible that you, a Scorpio Moon, don’t have that tendency and don’t identify with it. But if you do connect with it, would you have come to that conclusion on your own? Would a close friend make this suggestion to you? Perhaps you go to therapy every week, and after several sessions or so, your therapist might have suggested this. But what if you could suggest it first? And what if you can’t afford therapy in the first place?

It’s possible—probable, even!—that astrology is complete nonsense, that the planets and the moon and the sun have no impact on our personalities or the way our lives pan out. My ambition and accompanying self-guilt may be completely independent of the fact that the moon was in Capricorn on August 8, 1995, but I’ve still been nicer to myself since learning what it means, astrologically speaking. What is the downside to becoming aware of these patterns we might have, given how the sky was arranged at our time of birth? It seems especially valuable if these insights are able to serve as a social lubricant to start a more substantial conversation.

Personally, I sometimes use my astrological placements as an excuse when explaining things to my therapist, and this makes her laugh, which is very gratifying for a Leo like me.

The post Astrology Doesn’t Have to Be Real to Be Helpful appeared first on Man Repeller.

“Who Knows What Is Right? What Is Wrong?”: 3 Women’s Unique Paths to Happiness

In partnership with SK-II.

My Godmother Sally has one rule: Whenever you get into her VW Bug (red, always red, like her head of gigantic curls), you have to sing “Mustang Sally.” You can take the lead, you can do backup vocals, whatever you want, but you must sing.

Growing up, Sally expanded my worldview. She took me to the theater and to cool restaurants; she had a cool job at American Girl Magazine at a time in my life when it was very impressive to have a connection at American Girl Magazine. She wasn’t like anyone else I knew. I don’t think I noticed she wasn’t married until she actually got married at the age of 41. Maybe because my mom had a lot of friends who were unmarried in their 40s: Her friend Barb who threw amazing parties, her friend Jackie who traveled alone and took flamenco lessons, my Auntie Gloria who was glamorous and sharp and gave me $2 bills whenever I saw her. My childhood was shaped by these women who did interesting things and lived fascinating lives and were the types of friends who became family.

When I was 27 and decided to upend my life—with a move to New York, a new degree, a new career, and so much money down the drain—I felt like I was starting over at a time others were settling down. And if it weren’t for my godmother, my auntie, and the rest of my mom’s friends, I think I would have been consumed with anxiety about the choices I was making. But for the first time, it finally felt like I was living the right life.

There are so many stories about how young couples met, dated, and married, but few about the makings of interesting unmarried women; the ones who marry and divorce, date and never marry, stay single and marry late, or none of the above. Together with Katie Couric SK-II has set out to change the conversation around love, marriage, and expectations with its Change Destiny campaign and their new series “Timelines” which documents four women around the world who are challenging societal notions of the “right” time to get married and defining their own timelines instead.

In the spirit of the campaign, I spoke with three women, each with unique and interesting stories, who took unconventional approaches to traditional timelines. We spoke about the ups and downs, the difficulties and triumphs of life beyond a white picket fence and 2.5 children by 27. The conversations were both mirrors and maps, honest tellings of living life on your own terms.

After a tumultuous upbringing, Caroline is building toward her dreams.
Caroline, 42, is an educator.

“I’m really bruised and worried, but I’ll try to stay open and flexible.”

I grew up in a family house that was pretty significantly impacted by mental illness, and still is. My parents were upfront about the whole thing. They were like, “Don’t have children. This is just a nightmare.” That really hit home, this whole sense of regret that they experienced and continue to grapple with. So I was like, Wow. This is definitely not for me. The acuity of that experience was incredibly impactful. It shaped so much in my life.

I had relationships, really great and meaningful ones, so in time, I began to think, Well, let me try to keep an open mind. I’m really bruised and worried, but I’ll try to stay open and flexible and maybe if I meet the right person, it’ll feel like the right thing. That was my thinking.

But eventually, after some difficult false starts, I changed my mind again. Now I’m 42. And going from “This isn’t for me” to “No, wait, maybe it is for me” to getting bashed and going back to, “No, this isn’t for me” has been really hard.

“Let me just give it one last go and see what happens.”

I could not give you the real deal and be like, “I’m this roving, globe-trotting, renegade lady, blazing a path, seriously independent.” There’s an element of me that relates to that sense of my own identity, I guess. But I’m human.

There’s been a major development in my life in the last year, thanks to dating apps, which I’m a total fan of. I was like, “Let me just give it one last go and see what happens.” I tried and I went on some lovely dates and I met this guy and we’re really happy together. I’m still dealing with scars and war wounds, but maybe there’s something that I can build on here. What that means in terms of children is not at all clear and possibly not possible. But at the same time, just the feeling of stability and connection and peace, and relations, community and connecting with him, meeting his friends, the shift that has come into my life through all of that has been so grounding.

To this day, I don’t see a great deal of value in being too closely committed to a map or a plan. I’ve done so much and lived so many places, but the thing I really want to do—write a book—I haven’t even done yet, but I’m building toward it. Who knows what is right? What is wrong? I’m just trying to do the best I can.

Andria went on more than 100 internet dates before finding the one.
Andria, 40, is the chief curator at the Pace Gallery.

“I felt like my work became the thing I cared about the most.”

I’m from Newfoundland, Canada, which is a pretty traditional kind of place where family life is really important. The idea of finding a career that didn’t feel like work was a really big influencer for me, but I always pictured having all these new adventures ​and​ having a stable domestic life. And the reality is that it’s really challenging to do both of those things at the same time.

After graduating college, I went to Bangkok and worked for UNESCO and thought I would go into international development and policy. After that I moved back to Montreal. I debated staying in foreign policy but the art world won out and I stayed in Montreal to study art history in grad school. I went right to the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis right after grad school, and within a few years I was in New York working as a curator with the Public Art Fund.

The art world is still a place that’s challenging to navigate in terms of upward mobility, particularly as a woman curator, and you often have to change institutions to move up. I was headhunted and offered a great job at a museum, and that’s how I ended up in Cleveland for a few years. But it was a very hard move. The reality was that I was in a city where I was single at 37, no kids, where almost 95% of the people I met that were close to my age had families. All my family was living far away in Newfoundland. All my old friends were scattered everywhere and it was really lonely. I felt like my work became the thing I cared about the most and that didn’t work for me in the same way it had before. I mean, I was really enjoying my work, but it changes the way you are in your job when that’s your thing and your ​only​ thing.

I talked to Pace Gallery in New York for a long time before deciding to take on my current role. I felt like it was such an exciting opportunity, but it was also a big career transition. I took a chance and it has been an incredible year. The work that we are doing at the gallery – launching a new flagship building in New York, working with incredible artists and fantastic colleagues – it’s a dream job. I’m insanely busy, but I’m energized and inspired, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

For a long time, moving was really exciting to me—I am a person who loves making new friends and doing new things. But I didn’t realize how hard it was until I got a little older and stayed in one place for a while — moving takes a lot out of you. But I have great friends from all the different cities where I’ve lived, and everyone wants to visit New York, so it’s not ​so​ bad.

“I could write an entire book about the hilarious and awkward online dates I went on.”

I recently turned 40 and all these things fell into place. I feel very lucky. I’m doing some really exciting things in my work that push me to think and work in new ways. And somehow I met this amazing person in the middle of everything—I could write an entire book about the hilarious and awkward online dates I went on. I think I went on 100 dates in New York, but it was a million times harder in the Midwest. Then I met my current partner in real life through a friend and we really hit it off. He was from Detroit and owned a restaurant, but he decided to make a big life change last September and we moved to New York together. We’re getting married next year.

Everyone says, “Your thirties are so hard.” And it’s true, they are really hard. I think a lot of women, if they’re single, reach a point in their mid-to-late thirties when some deep thinking has to happen on how they want their life to go. That was true for me. At one point I thought maybe I really needed to slow down and just focus on my personal life, but I was also excited to walk through the door of a new career opportunity, and so I did. And things shifted into place in a way I didn’t imagine.

When I turned that corner to 40, which seems like a cliché, something re-aligned. I do feel a different kind of confidence or security. That’s not to say that there won’t be really, really hard times ahead, but I think the whole point is that now I know that I can deal with it.

Post-divorce, Patty is ready for motherhood on her own terms.
Patty, 45, is the marketing director for a food hall.

“I gave up a very comfortable life in Chicago and found out so much about myself.”

My career sent me on a lot of different trajectories, but I always wanted to live in New York. One of my first jobs out of college was driving the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile! It was great for a while, but I realized I had to get a real job and pay my student loans, so I ended up at an advertising agency in Chicago. After that, I was a DJ for Radio Disney Chicago for 10 years and it was amazing.

Eventually Radio Disney offered me a huge promotion, but it was in LA. I never wanted to move to LA—the dream was always New York—but LA was where the job was. I took it, which was the scariest thing I had ever done. I gave up a very comfortable life in Chicago and found out so much about myself. I don’t think I would have evolved as much as I did if I didn’t make that move.

A few years later, I started thinking ​I need to go to New York now.​ ​I’ve wanted this since I was 17. I need to do this.​ So I quit my job, moved to New York, and couch surfed at the age of 39. I was happy and excited, but also scared. I couch surfed for a year, took random jobs, did some consulting, worked for free, did whatever it took. A friend said, “Trust in your journey, trust in life itself.” And I thought:​ What does that mean? I’m 39, I should know myself by now. ​The whole experience taught me that I’m always evolving.

I’ve now been in New York for six years. I got the food job of my dreams (I love to eat), I’ve got my own place. Uprooting my life was terrifying, it’s still sort of terrifying, but it’s what I’ve always wanted.

“I didn’t understand what self-love was until this year. I didn’t know I didn’t have it.”

In college, I had the best boyfriend, but we were young and I wasn’t ready to be settled down at 21. At age 26, I was in another serious relationship in Chicago, and all my friends were getting engaged and getting married, but it just never felt right for me. We broke up and I was single for a few years and when I moved to LA, within the first couple of months I met another amazing guy. I was 33 or 34 at that time, and he was 23 years old so I was like, ​this is not happening.​ But we ended up sharing a beautiful love for three years. We had this great relationship, and then he got deported, and it was awful.

I didn’t really date anyone else in LA after that, but I met someone a year after I moved to New York. And at an NYC pace, we fell in love fast, moved in together got married, went through 6 rounds of IVF to start our family. Ironically, I got pregnant naturally last summer during the time when our marriage faced its biggest test. The person I loved showed his true self and we were no longer compatible. I had miscarried my most wanted baby and we got divorced. So this past March, I just had to start over again.

I didn’t understand what self-love was until this year. I didn’t know I didn’t have it. Coming out of the divorce people would say to me, “Take time for yourself, pamper yourself, love yourself,” and I didn’t know what that meant, I didn’t know how to do it. I know I’m affected by love and I don’t regret any part of that. I loved fully and authentically, but right now I think my path is figuring out ways to love and take care of myself because I’ll only be a better mom, friend, daughter, and sister if I take care of myself truly. I must say that I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my amazing tribe of family and friends.

“This​ is what I want. This is what I am ready for.”

I want to be a mom more than anything else. I’ve wanted it since I was six years old. After I watched Baby Boom with Diane Keaton, I told my mom I wanted kids before I’m 15 and she shut that down quickly. I wanted to be a young mom and now I’m 45 and I’m thinking, ​shit.​ But getting pregnant naturally last year was a reminder that I became a mom and I will be a mom to someone else no matter what.

At the end of this year, I’m hoping to start my own family. You can be all things, and not be confined to one thing or other people’s expectations. When people say, “Oh, you’re not married?” I say, “No, I’m not​.”​ I’m not dating, it’s not what I want. ​This​ is what I want. This is what I am ready for.

I hope if you, like I, still feel a certain amount of pressure to follow a certain path, that these interviews spoke to you. There is no right way to live a life so I hope to follow my path and see where it takes me based on what I want and need at the moment, not what I’ve been taught is the “right” thing to do. We’re never too old or too young to stake a claim in our future.

If you want to talk about all of this IRL join Man Repeller, SK-II, Andria, Caroline and myself for a rousing real-life discussion about life, love and choosing your own path and making your own timelines at our Good Evening event on August 22 (more details to come – check back Wednesday for the event link and information).

Photos by June Kim. 

The post “Who Knows What Is Right? What Is Wrong?”: 3 Women’s Unique Paths to Happiness appeared first on Man Repeller.

Copenhagen Street Style Is Full of Great Accessory Ideas

TGFCSS, am I right? (That’s “Thank Goodness for Copenhagen Street Style,” for those of you who can’t or choose not to read the mind of an iced matcha-addled writer.) Just when you thought you’d exhausted all your summer style ideas, just when you were about to shrug your shoulders and stick them through the arm-holes of a tank top for the rest of August, just when you were on the verge of getting cynical about the amount of sweat your beautiful body has produced in the last week alone, the Copenhagen show-goers swoop in with the renewing spirit of a thousand albatrosses, bringing fresh outfit ideas to life.

This season, in reviewing the fruits of their flight pattern, I was reminded of something seemingly obvious: When in doubt (and by “doubt,” I mean the feeling of consternation regarding your desire to stay cool and your desire to spice up an ensemble), accessories are your friend. It’s seemingly obvious, but not actually in this case, because the accessories I spotted on the streets of Copenhagen were not your average summer accoutrements. Scroll down to see some highlights, and then click through the slideshow so we can discuss our favorite looks in the comments.

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1. Instead of a Baseball Cap, How About a Head Scarf?

Sometimes you just need your hair OUT OF YOUR FACE (capital letters extremely necessary) in the summer, I get it, I really do. This is one of those rare utilitarian necessities that actually begets a fun stylistic opportunity: putting something on your head. A baseball cap will do the trick, but why not consider a head scarf tied under your chin like the inimitable Jackie O.? It will impede any hair wisps from making contact with your precious forehead, and it will make you look like the chicest specimen this side of Capri.

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2. Instead of One Bag, How About Two?

Extra baggage gets a bad rap. While I totally understand the appeal of traveling light, carrying two bags that mirror each other in a way that perfectly complements your outfit transforms them from practical, wallet-carrying vehicles into aesthetic statement pieces. The best part is that you can fill the extra one with whatever you want, including but not limited to: massage sandals, crossword puzzles, and cotton candy grapes.

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3. Instead of a Cocktail Ring, How About Cocktail Gloves?

Who decided that gloves were limited to winter outings! Here is a perfect demonstration of how, with the right shade of pale pistachio, they can perfectly complement a summer frock. I love how they’re tucked over a white button-down, a subtle style twist that could conceivably be used with any light blouse. It’s an ingenious bit of warm-weather-appropriate layering, no cable-knit sweater required.

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4. Instead of Gold Chains, How About Some Cowrie Shells?

I’ll admit I’m a serial gold chain gal in the summertime. They beckon me every time I put on a white tank or a floral dress. But as I recently discovered when styling this story about the biggest style trend of summer 2019, and reacquainted myself with once again whilst combing through Copenhagen street style, cowrie shells are a truly delightful (and slightly less expected) alternative.

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5. Instead of a Bucket Hat, How About a Tiny Straw Topper?

Bucket hats have certainly had their day in the sun, literally and figuratively. If you’re hungry for something similar but different at the same time, why not try a tiny straw topper, otherwise known as a dapper ribbon-trimmed sun hat? I cherish the idea of wearing one with baggy, oversized jeans to contrast its innate ladylike-ness, but I also wouldn’t say no to a swimsuit-and-nothing-else combination. TGFCSS, indeed.

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Which look was your fave?

Photography by Matthew Sperzel.

The post Copenhagen Street Style Is Full of Great Accessory Ideas appeared first on Man Repeller.

How to Shop Vintage and Still Look Modern

I have determined that there are two levels of vintage style expertise: Level one is the ability to identify true gems, i.e. the perfect silk, lace-trimmed nightgown hidden underneath a pile of polyester dresses, or a wispy polka-dot YSL blouse strewn next to a stack of torn graphic T-shirts. Level two is the ability to take said gems and style them on yourself in a way that looks distinctly fresh and modern.

Since I’ve barely mastered level one, level two feels like a near-impossible feat (and the instances in which I’ve worn a compilation of vintage finds only to end up looking like an awkward sepia photograph of my grandmother in the early twentieth century don’t necessarily bolster my confidence). And yet, I know it is possible, because I see people accomplishing it all the time.

Anna Gray is a shining example. You may recognize her from this week of outfits, or this treatise on the Met Gala’s “Heavenly Bodies” theme, or from @object.limited’s Instagram. As the creative director and co-founder of Object Limited, an e-commerce platform that specializes in high-quality vintage goods, Anna is well-versed in the art of identifying true gems. As the person who routinely styles said gems on herself to promote Object Limited’s pop-up vintage bazaars, or the offerings on its app, she is also well-versed in the art of showcasing how to create modern looks with pieces from the past. 

Eager to absorb some of her knowledge like the sink sponge that I am, I asked her to share her best tips for shopping vintage and enjoying it accordingly. Scroll down to read her advice, along with a visual demonstration by way of seriously good outfits.

Tip #1: Go Outside Your Comfort Zone

“My most treasured vintage finds are always the result of going to weird places and making friends with the store staff,” Anna told me. “I have found Pucci dresses in Goodwills and Hermes bags at tiny shops in the middle of nowhere.” She recommends grabbing a couple friends (who either have thrifting stamina or a good book to read), and going to Queens or New Jersey or wherever you can get with whatever mode of transport you have. And be nice to the sales people always! They know where the good stuff is hiding.

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Tip #2: Prioritize Quality Materials

If you’re vintage shopping with limited time, or aren’t sure where to start and aren’t looking for something specific, Anna advises avoiding synthetic materials and honing in on long-lasting quality. Big thrift stores are the least curated in terms of aesthetic but are very well organized by category. In the outerwear section, look for real leather, shearling, trench coats, or high-quality nylon puffers. In the dress/blouse/sweater sections, look for 100% silks, cottons, wool, cashmere. In pants, look for raw denim. These starting points will help narrow the options into one digestible pile.

“The cream DKNY vest I’m wearing in this outfit is 100% silk, which is what makes it look expensive,” Anna said. “The linen/cotton blazer with abalone buttons is a nice layering piece with the option of pseudo-oriental collar or, when folded, small lapels.”

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Tip #3: Mix Up Your Decades

“Mixing decades is a good way to avoid looking like you’re wearing a costume,” Anna said. “Unless that’s your thing! Then wear that poodle skirt with that short sleeve cardigan, you cutie.”

As an example, she noted that wearing period vintage (i.e. an Edwardian blouse) with contemporary clothing (like sneakers or jeans) makes everything look a little more modern. Layering unexpected items, like a halter over a button-down, can also help refresh an otherwise dated look.

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Tip #4: Negotiate, Baby!

The prospect of haggling can be intimidating, or even guilt-inducing, but it’s actually part of the game and expected when it comes to vintage shopping. “Vendors often mark items up at least 50% and they’ll rarely sell to you for less than they bought an item for,” Anna told me. “Once you have a ‘yes’ pile, tally up all of the prices and ask yourself what you would reasonably like to pay for the total. Calculate what 15-20% less than that is, and (while being very firm but friendly!) ask if you can pay that in total. Then you have 15 to 20% wiggle room to climb to the amount you’d ideally like to pay.” She also recommends mentally prioritizing your items so you’re willing to let go of certain pieces if they don’t budge.

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Any vintage shopping and/or styling tips you’d like to add? Have at it in the comments.

Photos by Emily Malan.  Styling assistance by Maggie Lanham. 

The post How to Shop Vintage and Still Look Modern appeared first on Man Repeller.

Was Glamorizing Mistakes… A Mistake?

“Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. People who avoid failure also avoid success.” —Robert T. Kiyosaki, Rich Dad Poor Dad

We live in an era of the hustle, where success comes to those who want it the most and sleep the least. But while much has been written about the cult of busyness or the oppressive scam of the gig economy—and innovative, synergistic business lingo has become a punchline in and of itself—one particular ethos of the CEO/Hustle mindset remains unshakable: The lionization of making mistakes.

“Done is better than perfect,” you may spot in the Instagram bio of the CEO-in-training you once knew. “Move fast and break things,” you may read in the email signature of the consultant who showed up at your office to teach “sprints.” For the past few years, few success stories have been told without a narrative thread about glamorously fucking things up and coming back stronger, smarter, and more willing to innovate. But this encouragement to run bravely into the arms of failure–to make monumental and seemingly expensive mistakes—is a luxury few enjoy. A flawed update to the bootstraps myth, all wrapped up in a shiny bitcoin-friendly package, that makes my blood boil.

While the startup world may be designed to embrace and learn from failure, it’s a world that is welcoming to only certain types of folks.

Implied in the glamorization of failure on a large scale is that one has the resources to get back up again and create something bigger and better. In the tech world, where this ethos is particularly popular, only 2.2% of VC dollars were raised by female founders in 2018 and the majority of founders are overwhelmingly white. While the startup world may be designed to embrace and learn from failure, it’s a world that is welcoming to only certain types of folks. Hustle culture is just American capitalism as it has always been. It’s not an absence of fear that helps some bounce back from failure, it’s all the small, untold ways other people and systems have helped some rise to the top.

I should share that I hate the idea of personal epic failure. Raising money from my loved ones and scattered internet strangers for a project that never takes off or getting up in front of a crowd of VC investors to convince them that yes, I am smart, and yes, this idea is special, is my nightmare. (Actual, literal, stress nightmares I have had.)

While I’m on a path to be more understanding and patient when it comes to mistakes, mine and others, I have no interest in going out on the kind of wild limb that modern business culture wants to sell me as the key to success. For a long time, I thought that meant I wasn’t ambitious enough or wasn’t hungry enough, or that I was prioritizing safety so I didn’t deserve the spoils of the brave. But I’ve come to realize that what I value isn’t fear or playing it safe, it’s competence.

Maybe the knowledge that you’ve never crafted a bullshit mission statement is a mark of personal success.

Innovation can’t happen without reliable competence. It’s built on the work of many people doing their jobs well time and time again. The making and breaking of culture thrives on the kind of people who show up and put in the time with care and consideration. Not everyone wants to be a CEO or a groundbreaking innovator, some people want to take pride in doing what they need to do well—and then just going home. Maybe the knowledge that you’ve never crafted a bullshit mission statement is a mark of personal success. Of course, there are good parts of the failure-as-progress mindset: emotional resilience, expanding one’s boundaries, knowing what to go after. I just take umbrage with the idea that those who are reticent to fail fast and often, in business and in life, are hiding from some greater destiny. It’s exhausting to feel that by refusing to risk it all, I’m missing out. And so what was once a rallying cry to embrace failure has become yet another source of guilt.

Which is why I want to offer an alternative approach: There’s no shame in wanting success with minimal damage, in seeking a path that is largely straight but veers toward the things you and you alone find important. I hope that the person in your office who shows up to do what’s asked of them and remains pleasant and chips in on an extra project every once in a while gets their time on the TEDTalk (or at least TEDX) stage. Not that they would want that, and therein lies the problem.

After all, what’s so special about mistakes anyway? There are plenty of other ways to learn, to grow, to figure out quietly and patiently that things aren’t for you, like taking a class, reading a book on something new, volunteering on a different side of town. Success comes in many forms. Perhaps the antidote to disappearing work-life balance and millennial burnout is to celebrate the more mundane aspects of work and life. So if you’re out there, incredibly reliable person who takes great care to not mess things up, the most manageable of Ted Talks for you: Thank you. You’re doing all right.

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Introducing Sweatiquette: Managing Summer Wetness With Aplomb

During the heatwave a couple of weeks ago, a Siberian husky locked eyes with me on the sidewalk. What have I done to deserve this? it seemed to ask me, as I wiped the sweat off my brow. I shook my head, wondering the same for myself and the rest of the humans cooking in this crockpot of a planet (but I know the answer to that one).

Both the husky and I were moist and miserable, but only one of us had on a full-fur bodysuit. Inconveniently, humans are the only animals that sweat and care what others think—like when we have two oval sweat spots on our butt cheeks after sitting down, or leave someone else coated in our perspiration after a hug, or have to plead with the bouncer that we sweat our stamps off on the dance floor.

The husky and I may understand each other, but I am a beast of another kind. One who has grown increasingly tired of apologizing, every summer, for brushing up against people with my wet arms, or showering and putting on nice outfits only to arrive places looking like I came from the gym. This summer, I told myself it was going to be different. Less sweaty, more confident, generally more huggable. Determined to figure out how to make that happen, I asked MR community to share their best hacks for combating summer sweatiness. The list was extensive and inspiring, but as soon as I dove in, I realized the task at hand was trickier than anticipated.

The Journey: Peppermint between my tights, panty liners in my armpits 

The hacks—there were many of them. One of the most common suggestions was “get Botox,” which is neither casual nor affordable for me (but is, according to some, effective), so I skipped it. I was intrigued by “put ice cubes in a bandana sack to keep on your neck,” but although it made me cooler, it also made me wetter, which seemed like a lateral move. “Put peppermint oil between your thighs” felt seasonally disorienting, but refreshing for a minute, before setting my entire groin area ablaze. “Put panty liners in your armpits” made me laugh, and also cry: They ended up slipping off and falling out of my shirt in public. “Put Gold Bond powder everywhere” helped keep me dryer and less chafed, but left me coated in white dust. “Spray yourself with chilled rose water” was another popular one, and while it didn’t help me sweat less, it did cool me down, make me smell delightful, and allow me to briefly imagine I was at a Mediterranean garden party. “Carry a Venetian hand fan” sounded too glamorous for someone like me to pull off. “Carry a rechargeable hand fan” seemed more up my alley, but it felt like a tiny person was blowing on my face, which proved more irritating than enjoyable.

Clearly, my attempts to be less sweaty were a failure (though don’t let me discourage you if one of the hacks appeals; it’s possible I’m just beyond repair). But the most pertinent finding of my soggy research was that the most useless-seeming tip at the outset—“Stop caring if we are sweaty messes and just carry on”—turned out to be the most prescient. Instead of trying to avoid my body’s natural response to the heat, I learned I’d probably have better luck trying to adapt to it.

The Destination: I’m human. We all are

As I tested the sweat hack list, I started making a different kind of list in my head. Instead of tactics for how to be less sweaty, I wondered: What if I crafted tactics for how to accept we will all be sweaty, act cool, and co-exist? You know, like sweatiquette. And by the end of the whole experiment, my proposed summer code of conduct was born:

Be okay not touching each other: Even if I love you, I still might opt out of a hug right now. If I say, “I am really sweaty so I am going to just kiss your cheek or shake your hand,” please do not respond with, “Well I am really sweaty too, so I don’t mind!” before hugging me. Just because you don’t mind my sweat doesn’t mean I don’t mind yours! Now we are just in a wet hug. I would like to suggest a hug hiatus for the summer. Let’s initiate more high-fiving (I have been trying for years).
Avoid commenting on other people’s sweatiness: When someone says to me, “Wow, you are soaked!” I just begin sweating more as I fume inside. I have been working on commenting less on people’s bodies in general, and I propose we all extend this to the particular misfortune of being drenched in sweat.
Be aware of how we affect each other: This is the baseline we should be building towards to address all human dilemmas, from the sweaty and small, to the tremendous and tragic: Do our best (maybe carry a sweat rag in places that require body contact?); be aware of how our actions impact others (maybe double the body buffer zone for these 2.5 months?); put energy into the things that matter (maybe use 5% of my day thinking about how sad it is that my cute white outfit is already wet enough to show my nipples, and 95% of my day thinking about how to add to creation and take care of myself and whoever I can touch).

Humans are special animals. We are tangled together in societies and relationships, and these demand constant negotiations along the borders between our own needs and desires and those of everyone around us. Sometimes this means forgiving ourselves, other times it means forgiving others.

So, to answer the husky’s question, which has often been my own: None of us did anything to deserve this. But we do deserve to enjoy summer and eat fresh peaches, roll in sand and wrestle with waves, be sticky and sweet and feel a special kind of alive. So if you need some Gold Bond, Botox, a Venetian hand fan, a panty liner, or peppermint oil to do that, I support you. But if those don’t pan out, you’re always welcome to help me flesh out and spread the word on the delicate art of sweatiquette—how to be comfortable co-habitants, be sensitive but not superficial, and balance out our animal side with our human side.

The post Introducing Sweatiquette: Managing Summer Wetness With Aplomb appeared first on Man Repeller.

Let Us Luxuriate in the Next-Level Media Blitz for a Very Good Book

On Tuesday, August 6th, the book of the season was released like 30 to 50 feral hogs: Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion by Jia Tolentino. And the hype! Has! Been! Palpable! Uncharacteristically, I’m not even annoyed yet. If you don’t know Jia, she’s the New Yorker columnist behind last year’s seminal Juul deep-dive, this year’s viral athleisure investigation, and this important academic look into people begging celebrities to kill them. Or maybe you’ve read her Twitter, which is a work unto itself.

To the very pretty girl who came up to me at the bar at Joyface last night & said you liked my writing, I want to apologize for being extremely deep within a "bit" that involved me being a sort of "screaming possum" & not fully returning the focus & affection you deserved

— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) July 27, 2019

I've never done ketamine but that seems like it could easily change with CATS

— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) July 19, 2019

What’s the best hangover movie please help my family is dying

— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) July 28, 2019

I’m only halfway through her book and can already vouch for it. I’ve ached and laughed and aged several years, and not unproductively. She really is, as her book jacket explains, “what Susan Sontag would have been like if she had brain damage from the internet”—a tagline I’ve read aloud to several friends, all of whom share my amazement (and envy?) at its aptness. I’m internet-damaged too! Maybe stars really are just like us….

I’d like to think I’m unique in my appreciation of Jia, but I’m joined by seemingly all of New York and New York media, who have collectively agreed on her genius. Look at all the people lined up for her reading in Brooklyn this week!

holy shit https://t.co/tvFcTZytBL

— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) August 5, 2019

Semi-related, look at this beautiful book signing:

Also grateful to @neongoldrecords for signing my book

Ask MR: I’m Scared I Will Never Make New Adult Friends

Hello and welcome to our advice column, Ask MR, where we answer your burning questions, hoping we’ll become the ointment to your life rash. Ask us a question by sending one of us a DM, emailing write@manrepeller.com with the subject line “ASK MR A QUESTION,” or simply leaving one in the comments.

“How does one make new, interesting, loving, and honest friendships in their twenties? I feel like everyone is ‘taken’ by a solid circle of friends and not interested in meeting new people. I’ve made some new friends since I went to uni, but they all live further away. I would love to have people close by to have dinner and drinks with, but where and how to meet these people? I have no clue. Hopefully you do. If your genius minds don’t know either, I’m scared what will become of me.”

To open on a completely transparent note, this is the third draft I’ve written of this letter. I’ve rewritten, tweaked, sought counsel from others, and what I’ve come away with is the realization that there’s no recipe for success when it comes to making friends as an adult. I know this sounds disheartening, but stay with me.

In the last decade, I’ve lived in three different cities in two different countries. With each move came dizzying periods of wanting friends, finding friends, having friends, repeat. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about friendships along the way, it’s that they very rarely exist in the real world the way so many (too many!) TV shows and movies would lead us to believe. When I was still in school, I assumed I would grow up to have a tight-knit group of friends who lived in each other’s pockets, constantly eating, drinking, and hanging out together. It was an expectation I carried with me for most of my twenties to the detriment of my emotional health and, ironically, my friendships. It’s an expectation I think you might be familiar with.

In your letter, you write that you want “interesting, loving, and honest friends” and “people close by to have dinner and drinks with.” The first expectation I’d like you to rethink is that these friends have to be the same people. You say that you have some new friends, but that they live far away. What are those friends like? Are they funny, kind, and genuine? If so, I would hate for you to exclude them from your pool of potential “interesting, loving, and honest” friends, just because they don’t live close enough to grab dinner after class. There are so many different kinds of friendships—online friends, work friends, long-distance friends—that all have the potential to enrich your life in their own unique way. To close yourself off to friendships that don’t fit your expectations of what it means to have, and be, a best friend is to potentially miss out on something really special.

By getting comfortable with the fact that your best friends may not be those who are physically closest or most available, you will hopefully find that you have space for more casual friends to do things like get drinks with. The joy that casual friends and acquaintances can bring to your life is so often overlooked. Not only can they bring laughter and company, each has the potential to grow into a close friend over time—something many of us forget requires patience.

If you want something tangible to hold onto while you embark on this friend search, you may find solace in the 2018 study that discovered it takes around 200 hours to make a close friend. What I personally love about this study is that it reminds me how malleable and ever-changing friendships are. Nobody automatically starts out as a close friend—it almost always takes time. Some friendships do happen in an instant, but those are as rare as falling in love at first sight (if that’s even something you believe in). So, I want you to look around. You might not feel like you have the close friend you seek right now, but do you know anybody who has potential? And if so, are you willing to give that friendship time and space to grow? You might be surprised by who comes to mind.

As for having people to grab food or drinks with: Do you know anyone who would go get a drink with you if you asked? If you can think of at least one person who would say yes, you already have the kind of friend you are searching for. Because—and I want you to remember this next time you’re feeling down—you don’t have to have dinner with a friend every week to be a person who has friends to have dinner with. You don’t have to meet a friend at the same cafe every morning to have a friend to grab a coffee with.

You finished your letter saying that you’re scared of what will become of you if you don’t find your people soon. My advice? Don’t be. Until you find the friends you dream of, you’re simply a person who is looking for friends—and there is nothing wrong with that. Admitting that to yourself means you will eventually find comfort in admitting it to others. Because, at the end of the day, the best way to find a friend is to act like you’re looking for one. It may seem like everyone’s social life is worked out except yours, but I promise that’s not as true as it seems. There’s no doubt in my mind that at least somebody you know in a tight friendship circle is open to meeting other people, they might just be waiting for you to make the first move.

Making new adult friends is famously hard because people and life are famously complicated. I can’t tell you where you will find your friend or how you will become close, but I promise you that it will happen if you open yourself up to the possibility of all kinds of friends, remember you’re not alone in your desires, and appreciate that these things take time.

Ask MR Identity by Madeline Montoya. 

The post Ask MR: I’m Scared I Will Never Make New Adult Friends appeared first on Man Repeller.