Leandra Medine's Blog, page 582

The Farce of the Fancy Bathroom

I will fight you over a stark white hand towel.

My best friends, bless them, are forbidden from using the good soap.

I used to chide my old roommate for lighting the nice candle on unceremonious weekdays.

My mom once came to stay with me and I invited her to bring her preferred conditioner.

This is all part of the Fancy Bathroom Farce, a combination of condition and compulsion where two realities exist in the same space that hosts your tub. The first reality is what one sees upon entering:

A collection of neatly folded fluffy towels in dangerous colors, like beige or cream. Possibly monogrammed.

A grouping of premium hair products — all the same brand, all fighting toward the same, unoffensive goal (“for luminous shine” as opposed to “great for itchy scalps”).

Lavender hand soap. The kind that betrays those who don’t use it because the scent stays with those who do.

The aforementioned “nice candle” (Cire Trudon, Diptyque, pick your waxy poison) posed next to a set of long, navy matches. Navy. That’s fucking chic.

There’s a natural loofa all fluffy and porous and plucked from the ocean. A wooden brush with ivory-colored bristles. There are lovely jars filled with luxurious creams and two palm-sized vats of imported sea salt. One is for soaking, the other for exfoliating. Body oil relaxes in glass viles.

And you, my friend…and my best friends and my mom and cousin and roommates, you are not allowed to use any of it.

But here comes the second reality — the part that makes this a farce: neither am I. The fancy bathroom is just for show.

We can use the old, dark blue towels. They’re great for concealing those mascara stains.

We can use Head & Shoulders, the on-sale body wash as shaving cream, the standard lotion, the drugstore version of Cetaphil, the q-tips and the light switch.

That’s about it.

No clue who I’m saving The Show for if not my friends or my family or myself. It’s the paradox of the Fancy Bathroom Farce: I mostly buy these things to indulge, to feel cozy, to nest. To appear adult. Actually using them, however, feels like eating pink birthday cake on a Tuesday: a little pointless. Wrong. It’s no different, really, than saving an expensive pair of shoes for grand occasions or a pink lip for a big night out. Don’t you treat certain earrings like treasures and have at least one clutch on display as opposed to in action? It’s the only way to keep something special.

I suppose if Michelle Obama came over and needed to wash up I’d let her use a monogrammed hand towel. At the very least, I’d like her to know I have excellent taste in soap.

*

Ok but, if you do prefer a fashion splurge…Amuze is giving away a $2,500 gift card.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis at Crosby Street Hotel.

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How to Do Monday, Featuring Vintage Versace, Versace, Versace

Three good ways to start a Monday, in sequential order.

1. Keep your phone on airplane mode until you get into the office. Stop for coffee before walking in. Take a deep breath before you take a deep gulp. Give yourself a high five for still being alive.

2. Before you check your e-mail, check your favorite website. Hopefully if you’re reading this, that kind of means you’re already doing that. I’m going with Net-a-Porter because often what I find on days I don’t want to do anything is that what I do want to do is buy a sweater that says “Night Music” on it. I didn’t say I’m going to do it, but this is getting much more confusing than it has to be.

3. While you’re drinking that coffee and thinking about night music, do also lean back into your chair, let the wheels below twist loose like they’re extras in Grease and right click your mouse through an edited selection of vintage Versace ads. If not because Claudia! Linda! Helena! Christy! than certainly because, hello, it’s holiday season, and where the hell are we to take inspirational dressing cues from if not Gianni Versace circa early 90s as imagined by so many fancy photographers.

I, for one, have made it my business to:

a) Locate a metallic mini skirt. I’ve also found one. Here it is.

b) Wear a plate over my vagina

c) Consider red tights under a light blue slip dress

d) Put the tasteful back in tacky with a studded ensemble that harks back to the spirit of the Old West.

In support of clause #D, there is a possibility that I will run around the streets of New York singing “Countess” Luann’s hit single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class.”

And that, my friends, is how you do a Monday right.

PS. Know what can improve your whole month, let alone week? The fact that Amuze is giving away a $2,500 gift card.

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Ornaments or Horoscopes? Who Cares! They’re Here!

Regardless of your celestial fate below, we’re giving stuff away all month.

Congratulations on existing without your horoscopes for the past few days but no need to go any longer. Susan Miller has posted her monthly scoop so I am happy to say that all is well. Now! Hide the poinsettia from your cat, grab a cup of eggnog and spike the shit out of it with your drink of choice — it’s time to see what the galaxy is about to do to your holiday hair.

Sagittarius

HAPPY BIRTHDAY $AGITTARIU$. I’m not decking those S’s with boughs of bills for nothing — thanks to the full moon at the end of the month you’ll receive a huge bonus or win Jeopardy. You’ve also got Mercury doing the cha cha slide through your income sector, so you can call me Al or buy me lunch. You’re having one of those months where you can’t help how charming you are (do you think that’s how Emma Stone always feels?) so there’s a high likelihood that someone falls in love with you like, every five seconds.

Already in love and into the “experimenting” phase of your relationship? Great. The new moon on December 11th is about to receive “a friendly, tight mathematical beam from Uranus.” Whatever floats your boat, as they say. (PS: It means that anything involving pregnancy and children — both literal and of the metaphorical my-job-is-my-baby ilk — will be in your favor.)

Capricorn

Well, Susan starts off by calling you a goat, but I know she means it in a nice way, as in, you’re surefooted in your career. You’re ambitious and moving on up. You’ve also got Mars, the planet of action figures, on your side right now helping you get even further along, so don’t be afraid of a little self-promotion so long as it doesn’t involve hashtagging your social security number on your Instagram posts.

December 10 is dumb, just a heads up. Sleep it off.

The following day will bring a sense of calm, which is great: you need to use the rest of December to get stuff done since Mercury’s going retrograde for the entire month of January aka 100% skiing in Gstaad and doing face masks in fluffy robes. Like don’t even play, Mercury. We follow your ass on Snapchat. You can’t lie to us.

Whatever. The end of the month ends in a giant red bow for you. You might get engaged around the 25th (if you’re single then how shocking will that be?!) and you are guaranteed a good time on New Year’s Eve — now take that and run before I make a Uranus joke.

Aquarius 

Plural of Aquarius, you are not as lucky as the Capricorns but only because they dodged a bad joke whereas I’m starting your horoscope with one right off the rabid bat! Susan Thriller Miller writes that your ruler, Uranus, will “signal the Sun with a thrilling electric beam, and surprises galore should come up.” I’ll say!

While this is a super busy month socially, it’s going to feel a bit slow career-wise — but don’t freak. Enjoy the quiet and get your life in order. January (despite the Mercu-bomb I just dropped in the above ‘scope) is going to be your job’s time to shine. More on that in 2016.

Susan Miller’s daughter Diana has jury duty toward the end of December if you’re curious. I’m curious!

Guess what you have at the end of December? Luxury. Thank Venus the planet and not the razor because she’s going to make your life fine as wine, which you’ll be drinking plenty of, possibly in Gstaad with Mercury.

Pisces

Before I go any further because who knows what day you’re reading this, you might lose your phone on December 10. Be careful. This day is low-key gonna suck for everyone in different ways. Moving on: According to the Suz, the biggest moment of the year for your career will be December 11. “Heavy gates that had been stubbornly closed for you will now open wide,” she writes. Ah yes, the metaphorical equivalent of finally learning to press that stupid exit button next to the door despite the fact that it’s completely pointless if you consider that doorknobs still work better than some annoying button no one can figure out.

Aw man! I got the shitty horoscope! All Amelia did was talk about doorknobs.

Nah. I’d never let you go home hungry. Let’s talk about love: you’ve got a full moon on December 25. It’s great lighting for trying on any gifts you may have received, but it’s even better lighting for your house of s-e-x. And true love! Sorry. Still making up for the doorknobs.

Aries

Susan really stressed travel for your sign this month; it looks like you’ll be racking up miles in the early part of December just as much as on those upcoming vacation days. You may even be spontaneous and go somewhere out of nowhere on the 8th, which gives me anxiety but I’m not an Aries so maybe that’s where we differ. Celestially. Just don’t travel on the 10th or the 20th (you’ll probably get in a fight with your seat mate over their annoying snacking habits if you do).

You’re primed to make money around the 24th and 25th (one check from grandma and suddenly getting mail is fun again!)

Also on the 25th besides Christmas day — if you’re into that kind of thing! — is a full moon that will “shower beautiful vibrations on Neptune.” Normally you’d get yelled at by your mom for showering vibrations on your sister, but since this vibe is about being cozy at home with family, you probably won’t even have to clean up after the mess you’ve made.

Taurus

Do you feel tired? Worn down? Like you’ve been working hard and no one’s recognized it at the office? As though you’re currently in an infomercial? Well stop reading this in an informercial voiceover accent and start blaming the planets, now!

Uranus, planet of butts, has been retrograde since July. Butt Town USA is also the ruler of your tenth apartment of honors, awards and achievement which means that once it goes direct on Christmas day, you will get a blast of energy that’ll scoot ya on up to the corner office with the window you’ve had your eye on.

However, be careful to avoid getting in fights with any coworkers over their loud salad habits on the 10th. Tensions will be higher than Jim Breuer in Half Baked.

If you’re in a relationship, you guys will be in a good, committed place and finally figure out your sleep numbers. If you’re single, watch out, world: Jupiter’s touring our new love sector until September 2016, “bringing the likelihood of meeting your one true love at long last.” Here’s hoping we do more than just meet.

Gemini

You’ll essentially be a really good sharer at the beginning of December, so one gold star to you. You’re going to duck out of the spotlight to let your colleagues or sig-other take Santa’s sled reins for a bit, but it will be a great learning experience for you, or something. Whatever. Let’s party!

For real! Susan just goes on and on about how this is a great time for you to be with friends and celebrate and wear sequins and gold and dress like Cookie Lyon got in a fight with a snow globe. She’s especially excited about your New Year’s Eve festivities, which is promising — is anyone ever excited about New Year’s Eve festivities anymore? No. So take it back and enjoy it like you’re an ironic hipster learning to love Uggs.

You know what else there is to be excited about toward the end of the month? Money. Whether you believe in Santa or not, a fat wad of cash is likely to drop down your chimney around the 25th thanks that sweet new moon.

Cancer

Annoying news out of the way first: avoid the 10th. Just literally avoid it. Mars is gonna piss off Uranus who’s going to shit all over that day. That said, just a few days earlier, on the 8th, the Sun is going to put Uranus in a good mood (that vitamin D) and you’ll have one of those ride-around-on-everyone’s-shoulders-while-they-cheer-for-you kind of experiences. Slay that PowerPoint, girl.

Technically speaking, Susan wants you to avoid traveling on the 19th and 20th but she also once tried to get everyone to stay home on New Year’s Eve, which no one did and everything was fine. Sometimes the baby bird’s gotta fly the nest for the sake of a shindig, ya dig?

We’ve got Venus moving through your true love sector this month creating good vibrations and making it likely that you’ll meet someone totally groovy who isn’t named George Glass. The biggest day for love will be the 24th, so cozy up on the couch, get your home clothes on, grab a smart phone and start swiping. OR just lose a glove if you’re John Cusack in Serendipity. 

Do not, however, give in to the ghosts of exes past. Or do. Maybe the one who got away will send a great GIF or something…

Leo

You will have the most romantic luck out of all the signs. According to Susan, you’re bewitching this month. Spiking your eggnog with pheromones, eh? Good for you.

On the 8th, you should travel. She wants everyone to get out of dodge this day (Thriller, it’s a Tuesday — that’s a school night!) but maybe you can call in sick, take the train for the sake of a ride and meet someone along the way when you’re not too busy looking out the window and pretending you’re in an Adele music video. IDK. Just don’t travel the 10th. Major delays.

Career is looking great for you so no worries there. The 19th in particular looks to be an especially important day: you may get a promotion. Might I suggest you take some money from your promotion, buy yourself a new outfit and go out? Turns out you’re also celestially primed to fall in love this day.

Crystal ball time: the outlook for your 2016 is filled with green paper — whatever you’re doing or about to do at work, keep it up. Just don’t blackout at your office holiday party and rant about Jan’s crap Pandora station and you will be good as gold.

Virgo

Susan went super rogue and started talking about June in your December horoscope which was, by the way, eternally long — so I skimmed you the good stuff like the good friend that I am!

Sounds like money will come in around the 8th to help fund a move or home improvement project. (I get it. The only stores I want to be in right now are the ones that involve linens, headboards, fluffy towels and superfluous ottomans that are meant for placing, like, coffee table books and a candle on top of as opposed to your feet.)

When it comes to love, know that I love you all month, but you’ll really feel loved and romanced by the members of your preferred attractive sex toward the end, around the 24th. The 25th is supposed to be even more romantic, so if your parents let you, go out and hit up the neighborhood bar. You never know who got cute because a lot of people have deleted their Facebooks and made their Instagrams private.

Libra

Take advantage of the fact that you’ve still got Mars in your sign, Lil’ Libras. This shit does not last very long, so you need to soak up its caffeine affect and focus for the rest of December. Mercury is about to go retrograde in January so you need to dot your i’s and cross you t-straps now. Pretend you’re in finals mode again but actually shower this time.

Booooring! On to the fun stuff, like paper! Susan Miller talks about it for about 500 words in your horoscope. She is very picky when it comes to paper and no fact about her could make me love or trust her more. She likes 100-percent rag – 20 lb. cotton paper in case you don’t know what to get her for Christmas. 20 pounds does indeed seem really heavy for one piece of paper so while we contemplate that let us also talk about your New Year’s Eve plans that you’ve definitely been stressing about:

Don’t buy tickets to anything. Host a small party at home. Wear fun hats and sparkly tights and put disco balls in your champagne glasses. You’re only going to talk to your friends at some nutzo event in a terrifying venue, anyway. May as well be somewhere that you can take your shoes off once your feet start to hurt.

Scorpio

Let’s bring it on home, Scorps. The new moon of December 11th is about to light up your second house of salary. “Second house” sounds good, as in, you’ll eventually earn enough money to have a beachfront property somewhere with a Nancy Meyer’s-rivaling kitchen and the kind of fireplace that always has a burning log, regardless of seasons.

Your parents will make you super happy on the 8th, but on the 10th, a coworker is likely to piss you off. The latter is a general horoscope-wide theme this month, so for a final time, I will say this: everyone take Thursday the 10th off and nap all day instead. That solves problems.

All month long, you will be “alluring and magnetic, so you might meet someone special at one of the holiday parties you attend,” writes Susan. And by all means, go to these parties. Say yes to every invite that has a potentially attractive guest list and an open bar. “You have not seen Venus in your sign since October-November 2014, so this is special,” she writes. Some of you may have read that sentence with a Freudian slip somewhere around the word Venus. Either way, the dry spell is over.

LET IT SNOW.

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej.

The post Ornaments or Horoscopes? Who Cares! They’re Here! appeared first on Man Repeller.

A Saturday Sweater Weather Slideshow

It’s Saturday morning and you’re probably hung over or cold or all of the above, so why don’t you just rest your sweet-but-huge-ass head back onto that pillow, stay in bed a little while longer and click through this slideshow composed predominantly of gargantuan sweaters, all gathered specifically for this purpose?

Sorry we can’t offer you an iced coffee or Bloody Mary — limited bandwidth. What about a cookie? What about the rules of style according to Cookie? How abooot a podcast, a new Chatroom episode or a breakup guide (which strangely works on hangovers, too)?

What about some sweaters?

The cable knit:

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The fuzzy:

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The embellished:

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Or, you can just hit play on this weather-apropos song and click through the above knits to your fuzzy heart’s content.

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Monocycle: Episode 4

In this week’s episode of Monocycle, I feel guilty for forcing you to listen as I diagnose myself as a self-sabotager after a particularly eye-opening conversation with my thinking partner (this is a fancy way to say therapist).

What you’ll find in the episode is a culmination of all the cool mental stuff that emerges as a result of your learning new things about yourself from someone who doesn’t even actually know you.

There’s more in there but the point of these stories is for you to not have to use your eyes and instead just close them, headphones in tact, with Doritos at an arm’s length.

Intro song: “The Show Must Be Go” by Kevin MacLeod, licensed under Creative Commons by Attribution 3.0 License;  Logo illustration by Kelly Shami, background illustration by Frits Ahlefeldt for Huffington Post.

Monocycle is produced by Kate Barnett and edited by Nicholas Herd.

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MR Round Table: That Elusive Work/Life Balance

Today’s Round Table includes two guests: Taryn Toomey of NYC’s The Class (which you can try at home with a series of GIFS ), and Lev Eldemir, an MBA student at Columbia University, former Wall Street Analyst and Amelia’s old roommate.

Leandra Medine: Something that keeps coming up at the Man Repeller office is the concept of work/life balance and whether or not it actually exists, how to achieve it, what work/life balance looks like if you have achieved it and whether or not you can have it all.

Lev Eldemir: When Amelia first texted me about this, my immediate answer was “There’s no such thing as balance.” But I do think that there’s a choice that you can make. There will always be an unlimited amount of work you can do, but you can choose to take the time to do something you enjoy, to take a break. I have trouble doing that.

Taryn Toomey: It sounds so easy, but there are so many other variables, like the pace that the city moves and the way things come at us. Doing something you enjoy seems like an exciting opportunity at the time but the next thing you know you’re in over your head. The whole reason you did it in the first place kind of vanishes because you’re so overwhelmed, you’re taxed, you’re exhausted, then you have to hold back and you feel like you’re doing yourself a disservice.

When the balance or scale starts to tip, there’s a choice to rein it back in or continue to push. That’s where it gets a little murky.

Amelia Diamond: My friend Gabby once told me that you have to schedule in your balance. You have to schedule your workout the same you would a non-negotiable meeting and that if your workout class is at 7 pm but you have more work to do, you still go to your workout class. She thinks that’s the only way to maintain the balance: treat it as you would your work.

But what’s frustrating about doing that (and I’ve actually been trying this week) is the fact that you’re scheduling or intentionally forcing a balance. There’s something in that — the effort of it –that makes it feel like it’s not balanced. There’s this perception that people who have achieved a work/life balance have a magical on/off switch, that they go to work 9 to 5 and then they turn their switch off and have their balance time. That’s not realistic. But when you don’t experience that, it’s frustrating.

TT: For me, it’s not so literal. It’s more about all the things that crowd the mind when you end up tipping the scale in one direction or the other.

LM: So you’re thinking about work while you’re working out and then you’re thinking that you should’ve enjoyed the workout more when you’re at work. But that’s the condition of a very particular type of person. I think I’m hard on myself and I’m really aware of the fact that I’m hard on myself, and it seems like you’re that way, too.

This is why, whenever people ask me for business advice, I always tell them – especially young girls with starry eyes and pencils in their hands – if you can be happy working for someone else, do that. You can live a very satisfying and emotionally fulfilling life operating under someone else’s franchise. Just because it’s “cool” to build your own business today doesn’t mean that everyone should do it. Doesn’t mean that I should have done it! That piece of the puzzle is interesting to me. I think it’s hard to consider what work/life balance looks like when you’re at the helm of your own thing, which is the case for you Taryn, and is the case for me, and is the case for you, Amelia because our team is so small, and is kind of the case for you Lev, because you’re in business school.

TT: We’re talking about work/life balance, but what falls into what bucket? Because my workouts are my work, so where does that land? Is that part of the balance of life? I’m also a mom, I try to be a wife and a friend, and colleague and mentor…

LM: Do you ever feel like a bad mother?

TT: No, because that’s really what I prioritize.

LM: So in my opinion, you’ve figured out work/life balance.

AD: When people close their eyes and think of what it looks like to “have it all,” they probably think of you, or someone like you. You represent that.

TT: Maybe with the exception of myself.

A: Well I think what’s so interesting is that you pull back and realize, fuck, if she doesn’t “have it all,” or doesn’t think she has it all, does anyone?

LM: Maybe that’s sort of satisfying in a vaguely masochistic way. It elicits comfort in you to think, “Well, if this person doesn’t have it all or seems to be going through something, I feel so much better about myself.”

Everyone feels that way about someone else, right? What does that say about our perceptions of perfection?

TT: But that’s just in a physical and material sense, you know? There’s such a different thing when you talk about work/life balance, which is much more emotional and subtle body stuff with how you feel being inside yourself. How it is when you fall asleep at night, what you say to yourself, what you believe about, what you do.

LM: And the capability to detach those thoughts from work. For me, socializing works. I’ll actually leave happy hour without having had anything to drink, but feel so loose and relaxed.

TT: I get the same benefit from that. What I really find is a decompression valve for me is getting down on the floor with my kids with no distraction, no phone, nothing on my mind for the next morning. Or going out with my girlfriends and just having those belly laughs and cheek pains because you’re laughing so much about nonsense. That’s really the release valve for me. And when we run and scream.

LM: Lev, I feel like the whole conversation about work/life balance happens so infrequently in the male discourse. Did you ever have this conversation with male coworkers? Do you ever talk about it with your male business school classmates now?

LE: No. When I was in finance it was very much: you do your work, you try to meet your sales goals (if you’re in sales), or whatever division you’re on, and then you go and get drinks. And that’s three or four drinks, every single night.

Because bankers work gruesome hours and often 7 days a week, it’s now policy at some banks, if not all, to have a “protected day” where an Analyst is essentially pardoned from working on that day. If a manager needs something to get done for a live deal and it’s really urgent, there is now a process in place where they have to get approval to ask the Analyst to work on their “day of rest.” It’s in place so that the Analyst doesn’t burn out. Banks have implemented this to achieve a better work/life balance, but it’s not enough.

A: “Work/life balance” feels like such a millennial-era concept. Did our parents think about having a work/life balance? Or having it all?

LM: That’s the thing I keep coming back to, this concept of “having it all.” That definition varies by person. For some women, having it all really does mean marrying a wonderful, helpful partner and having healthy children. And that’s a lot! That’s a fuck ton. You know what I mean? Whereas for other women, “having it all” means owning an apartment and having a job that they love to go to every day. When did we start falling into these pockets of definitions that we don’t even wholly agree with? Do I sound like Carrie Bradshaw?

A: Do you think having a work/life balance is a part of “having it all?” I guess having a work/life balance means you have figured out how to “have it all.”

LM: That’s what it is. One infers the other. I also believe that the ultimate goal and destination for both of those things is a sense of spiritual fulfillment and happiness. That’s what we’re all in pursuit of but it gets lost in the bullshit.

AD: I remember back when we first lived together, Lev, and we both had our first jobs, there were multiple weeks in a row where you would come home at midnight, go to bed, wake up at 6 am, go to work – it was like this endless cycle for you. Did you even try to find a middle ground, or was it impossible?

LE: I felt like I had to pay my dues when I first joined. I was also used to that grind; it was all I knew. I always wanted a job on Wall Street, so I spent my entire life working to get it. So for me, this work/life balance thing didn’t really come to fruition until recently.

TT: You were like, “I’m putting my head in the sand, and I’m gonna power through right now.”

LE: Yeah. I have bad anxiety, and at one point I was depressed. Eventually I realized that the rate I was going was unsustainable.

TT: One of the things to remember is that what we’re talking about — work/life balance — it’s just that: a balance. Balance doesn’t mean that it’s always consistently right in the middle. Balance is like a seesaw. It tips a little bit in one direction and as long as you catch it before it totally bottoms out, you can start to tip it back in the other direction. It’s about noticing it when it’s really starting to move in one direction, and then coming in with the balance to even it out. Or think of it like a pendulum: the more that you pull that thing back, the more you let it go, the more it’s going to swing into the other extreme. Working to stabilize it in the middle is the key.

LM: Do any of you feel like you have work life balance?

TT: At times, yeah. But you need to hit the…I almost want to say panic button, but it’s not the panic button…it’s the “Hold on a second, I need to take a moment” button, and then come back to that steady space in the middle, and then start to add some more movement again. The ideal thing would be to figure out the signs in yourself before that happens. Listen to the signs, and then act.

LE: I try to just not take myself too seriously. The recruiting process is very intense. I had a bad experience recently and I was feeling very down on myself, and I had another one shortly after, so I cancelled. I knew I wouldn’t get benefit out of it — I was aware enough to see the diminishing returns.

LM: There’s a little bit of shame around stepping back. People are embarrassed to stop.

TT: I keep thinking back to this thing that I asked at the beginning. What is a work life balance? Is it ever enough? Is it ever balanced enough? What does fulfillment of work/life balance feel like or mean? Sometimes I think that if we don’t know what it really feels like or means, we just never actually realize that we have it.

A: So who do you think has it?

TT: I’ve never thought about it in the actualized form. I don’t know anybody who says, “I have a work life balance.” It’s just always waxing and waning, it’s never settling. Is that just the way that society is — to talk about things as being “off?” Is it ever really gonna be “I feel good?” I wonder if our programming has made us unable to realize that on the whole. things feel pretty good. I like what I do, I love my family, I feel pretty fulfilled about my work, it’s my passion. Within that, there can be pressure, and it’s uncomfortable. It kind of presses your edges a little bit and pushes you on and then it kind of sets into the new normal. Then you’re in that new space. So, there’s not somebody that comes to mind. But I still have that question mark. What does that really mean?

A: Well, I think that the idea of finding comfort in the discomfort is probably the only way to really lay off yourself and achieve “it.” But I think that’s annoying because I’m like, “What the fuck? I was told someone out there has figured out this real balance.” I mean, somewhere we got it in our head this work life/balance meant you had it all, everything’s perfect. I don’t know if it’s intended to drive people or if it does the opposite.

TT: I also wonder if it’s an age thing. As you get older you have different perspectives on what matters. You’ve either had kids or you haven’t and they’ve grown and moved on, and there are all of these early-on pressures that we’ve put on ourselves that might get a little easier.

AD: Leandra, do you have someone that you look up to as the person who has it all?

LM: All of my career role models, I am realizing, are independent operators. Like Joan Didion and Cathy Horyn and Gloria Steinem. These are all venerated journalists and writers. These are not people who sought out to build their own businesses, really. Except for when Gloria Steinem started Ms. It really makes you wonder about what you’re doing. You know? Sometimes I think I could feel really happy and fulfilled just raising a family and cheerleading for them. But I also know that that’s not me. The stuff that I’m not even mentioning — the pursuit of a hustle, the inability to remain quiet and keep an opinion to myself, that’s the stuff that’s built into my identity. I wonder if you can create the balance while you’re at work.

LE: I feel like I don’t have purpose without working, I like that weight of something that grounds me.

AD: It’s totally a personality type — you’re either that type of person who likes to work or you’re not. But I think that most people are. When unemployment is down, national morale is down. People need a sense of purpose. It’s human nature.

But what also happens is that we experience a sense of pride…that may be the wrong word…in feeling stressed, having all this work and the lack of balance. It implies responsibility, that what you do is so important. And then we kind of brag about it without meaning to brag.

TT: I think a lot of it is a state of mind that you can talk yourself in and out of.

AD: Leandra said that today. Mostly I just talk myself into a frenzy and feel like I’m fucking stuck there.

LM: You can also talk yourself out using the same tactics that got you there!

You know what? I feel like I have work/life balance. My relationship with my husband is pretty strong. I don’t think he feels like I don’t give him enough attention. Maybe he does and he just doesn’t articulate it to me. And I have Friday nights with my family and I see them and I speak to them a couple times a week.

But then, as we are sitting here and talking I am coming in and out of the conversation because I’m remembering, “Oh fuck, I’m giving a talk tonight and I wanted to Instagram about it to make sure that people would come and I forgot to do that and I need to do that but I can’t because my recorder is on.” So I missed five minutes of this conversation because of that narrative. And then I come back in and five minutes later, I’m back out because I remember that I didn’t e-mail our social media director. But that’s not a balance. I think for me, work/life balance has always meant making sure the people at home are happy with how I’m treating them, and that the people at work are happy with how I’m treating them. It’s never actually been about how I feel. Does that make sense?

TT: That’s a lot happening at once, that’s what that all is. It’s not necessarily your work and your life is out of balance. You just have a lot to do.

LM: So here’s a question: what does work life balance look life for you or to you? In a perfect world.

TT: I’d have a normal day where I would drop my kids of at school, then I’d teach, maybe work until about 4:00 P.M. and not teach more than one class a day (which hasn’t been happening lately). Pick my kids up from school, and then have nothing on my mind so that I’m able to be present with my kids. Then my husband would come home and we’d hang out — not talk about how stressed out I am or how much I have going on, but just be present. And then start it again. It’s the “what do I have to do tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that” that gets me checked out and then I feel like I lose these precious hours with my family.

LM: That’s achievable. So what do we do to get there?

TT: You just have to set up boundaries. But the problem is that walls get knocked down all the time because you let them. And hopefully you feel them getting knocked down and then you reset the structure, but that doesn’t always happen. It doesn’t always get repaired.

AD: In my “perfect balance,” there are four different components. First there’s work, which is very proper. In at 9 am, leave by 7:00. Then you go home and have you time, you workout or read…for some reason, whenever I think of work/life balance I picture myself in my kitchen cooking and listening to jazz with a glass of red wine. I do not cook. But that’s part of work/life balance in my head.

Then there are friends. That’s the third part. And then there’s this fourth component that is creating or finding inspiration to enrich your work and your life so that you go in to the office charged up. What about you, Leandra?

LM: To me, that sounds like work/life balance is an illusion. That red wine and jazz music and cooking scene, that’s like straight out of a Helen Hunt movie. Doesn’t that mean something about our conceptions of balance? For me, it’s waking up excited, going to work, making stuff, coming home and then making other stuff, e.g. children without feeling like I am half-assing. But what is stopping us all from achieving our balance? Or our versions of balance. There’s a lot of execution involved. But if we really wanted these things, wouldn’t we execute?

AD: There’s definitely a general false sense of what work/life balance means.

TT: We also live in a crazy city. There’s a lot of pressure here.

LE: I’m looking to leave New York. I’ve realized I’m an anxious person, so I’ve made a conscious decision to go back to California. I had to realize that it was getting out of control and I was making bad decisions. You have to check in, and know when you’ve hit your limit. I hit my limit and I’m choosing to fix it — to make my life more chill. And I still will be successful because I’ll be much happier.

LM: Good for you for taking action.

TT: A couple of weeks ago I was with my kids and we were on our way to my daughter’s birthday party. I’d rented out this space she’d been wanting to have her party at for six years, and I had always been like, “This place is too expensive, you’re absolutely crazy, I’m not doing that. We can have it at the house and you can have five of your friends over, end of story.” And I finally did it. I worked hard and made enough money to rent this space. So I’m pushing the stroller down the street and it’s a nice day and I’ve got my kids, and I remember standing on the corner and having this crazy experience where I thought, “I feel totally fucking fulfilled.” I have my kids and they’re healthy, and I am able to do this because I work hard. Just standing on the sidewalk with this overwhelming sense of gratitude to be able to live in the city and have access to the things that I do and to feel overwhelmed in a good way because I have so much going on.

So that’s when I say: sometimes it really is a state of mind, you know?

Follow Taryn and The Class on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook; Lev’s on Instagram too because who isn’t. Illustration  by Maria Sainte. Follow her on Instagram here.

The post MR Round Table: That Elusive Work/Life Balance appeared first on Man Repeller.

MR’s Guide to the Best Cookie

When it comes to little indulgences, few things feel as decadent as buying yourself a cookie for absolutely no reason. Cookies are the kid equivalent of a scented candle — Angelica Pickles 100% had this figured out. Since MR is all about treating yo’self this month, (you know we’re giving shit away all month, right?), we used our highly advanced palettes to source the best cookies in Manhattan, for your stomach’s pleasure. Ready? Okay.

For That Classic Chocolate Chip

Smile to Go, 22 Howard St, Manhattan

Try: Chocolate Chip Sea Salt

Why: The huge chunks of sea salt are kind of intimidating at first, but go forth in confidence — they create the perfect kind of sweet and salty mix that’s usually reserved for chocolate covered pretzels.

Krista’s Pro Tip: Go between standard meal hours to miss the SoHo office crowd rush.

Station, 166 N 7th St, Brooklyn

Try: Exercising patience.

Why: They give out free warm chocolate chip cookies while you wait for your table. Elizabeth says they’re not too big so they won’t ruin your appetite and are super helpful when deciding whether or not you want savory or sweet for brunch.

Almondine, 85 Water St, Brooklyn

Try: Not to cry.

Why: According to Kate, this is the epitome of a chocolate chip cookie. It is simple, flat (but not hard) with a slightly crispy but also chewy texture and huge melted chocolate chips. It doesn’t stray from what you expect from a classic chocolate chip cookie, except that it’s executed flawlessly.

Paradis, 114 4th Ave, Manhattan

Try: To not be confused about where 4th Ave is.

Why: Yvonne promises a perfect cookie with chocolate chunks spread evenly throughout, a crispy outside and a soft inside. The best part: it’s sprinkled with salt on top.

When It’s PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE TIME

Ovenly, 31 Greenpoint Ave, Brooklyn

Try: Peanut Butter Sea Salt

Why: Krista ate one a day her freshman year of college. Perfectly chewy and moist, these suckers will pull you in and get you hooked. You’ll never stop thinking about them.

Fun fact: They’re vegan.

If You’re Watching Seinfeld Reruns and Get a Craving for a Black & White Cookie

Try: Literally any bagel shop or bakery in NYC. They all kind of taste the same.

Bring: A friend. Few can get past more than 3 bites because of the thick fondant, which is probably why Jerry got sick.

Points: If you can imitate the way the guy who steps on Elaine’s foot say “Sorry.”

For the Nutella Fiends

Grandaisy Bakery, 250 West Broadway, Manhattan

Try: Nutella shortbread cookie

Why: It almost hurts your teeth it’s so good. The shortbread and Nutella dissolves into a dry milkshake, if that makes sense (Amelia is writing this, so it doesn’t) and creates a sensation that can only be described as immediate addiction; before the first bite is swallowed, you’re already ready for a second cookie. Oh my god. It’s so good.

Important: They sell out EARLY. Hit up Grandaisy before noon and try your hardest to save for later. (Great iced coffee spot, too. Order it black to slice the sweetness of the cookie.)

When You’re Starving and Can Nap After Eating

Levain Bakery, 167 W 74th St, Manhattan

Try: Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip or Chocolate Chip Walnut

Why: Per Sofia, “THEY ARE GIANT COOKIE METEORS.” One will last you for days. They also have a fun live-cam set up on their site which is both creepy and wonderful for any all cookie voyeurs.

Sweet Corner Bake Shop, 535 Hudson St, Manhattan

Try: The M&M cookie

Why: It’s pure childhood, both in taste (the most ideal M&M to cookie dough ratio) and in the fact that it will spike your sugar up crazy high then make you crash hard about an hour later. So worth it, though.

When You’re Flavor-venturous 

Momofuku Milk Bar,  Various Locations

Try: Compost Cookie OR Blueberries & Cream Cookie

Why: They are the softest, most addictive cookies on the planet. You’ll want to eat 4.

Milk and Cookies, 19 Commerce St, Manhattan

Try: Salted Oat

Why: It feels new, but the flavor isn’t so crazy that you’re scared or grossed out. It hits the oat-y and the salty notes evenly. Of course, the best part about Milk and Cookies is that they serve ice cream, too — just in case you need a little dairy on the side.

For Those Late (Late) Night Cravings

Insomnia Cookies, Various Locations & Delivery

Try: Oatmeal Raisin

Why: This was a “hallway favorite” when Elizabeth was a student at NYU. It’s perfect for study breaks, work breaks, 3 a.m. Netflix binges and a great drunk food alternative (or companion) to pizza.

For the Gift-Givers

Roccos, 243 Bleecker St, Manhattan

Try: The Italian Cookie mix

Why: For the history (it’s been family owned since 1974) and for that traditional, old-school Italian cookie assortment mix taste where all of the cookies sort of blend together and taste the same but are so, so damn satisfying and impossible to stop eating. They sell gift-wrapped trays of their mix, too. Amelia brings them to dinner parties where she fears the dessert will suck.

Eleni’s, 75 9th Ave, Manhattan

Why: According to Cristina, they’re the prettiest cookies ever that taste as good as they look, and, you can get photos printed on them. She recommends sourcing embarrassing “awkward stage” photos for gifting purposes.

E.A.T., 1064 Madison Ave, Manhattan

Try: Any of their sugar cookies with frosting, preferably of the themed variety.

Why: It will make you (or whoever you buy this for) get in the spirit, whatever it is you’re celebrating…even if it’s just national cookie day.

Addendum: Leandra has these creepy things that she calls “Fertility biscuits.” They have not been included.

Photography by Krista Anna Lewis

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MR Prompt: Tell Your Santa Story

I still swear on my life that I saw Santa. It was Christmas Eve and my cousins and I had been given a free pass to stay up late. In my mind we were all wearing two piece pajama sets — the kind with stretchy ribbed cuffs at the ankles and wrists that kids always look so cute and cozy in, but I’m less clear on the outfit-portion of this story.

Here’s what I am 100% sure of: that I was paying attention to something else — a book, a suspiciously-wrapped present, a funny face — when my oldest cousin pointed out the window and whispered, “Look.”

It was like in the picture books: Santa, a sled and a flock of reindeer were silhouetted against the full moon.

It was also exactly like that scene in E.T. , a timeline that I refuse to check should it somehow correlate with and ruin my memory.

I find myself recounting this anecdote about once a year, every year, once December hits. As it turns out, everyone has some sort of Santa story. Everyone — regardless of religion or observed holidays, because not every Santa story involves the childhood equivalent of tripping on LSD, you know. Some involve a terrifying mall experience. Some are tales of being the only kid who knew “the truth.” (The truth being that some bearded man does not deliver gifts to your house at night while you’re sleeping, although some of your stories may very well involve chimneys.)

And that’s exactly what this week’s writer’s prompt is about: Santa Stories. Tell us yours in less than 500 words and submit it to write@manrepeller.com by Thursday, December 10 at 12 noon EST. Can’t wait to sit on your laps and talk about presents.

Santas by Joint London via Fucking Young. Illustration by Charlotte Fassler.

The post MR Prompt: Tell Your Santa Story appeared first on Man Repeller.

Women Come in All Shapes and Sizes

Model Myla DalBesio published an essay for the October issue of Suited Magazine where she catalogued the history of her body as well as the criticisms she’s received throughout her career. Many of the criticisms circulate around DalBesio’s weight; she falls into the fashion no-go zone between plus size and size zero. “You would be more beautiful if there were more fat on your stomach,” she writes. “…Or less. Or less in your thick, thick thighs, and more in your lips. They tell you all of that, that’s what being beautiful is.”

Her piece highlights the strange world of extremes operating in fashion advertising. The average American woman is a size 12, but most models are size zeros. Professional plus size models are typically a size 8, yet plus size clothing begins at size 16. Massive retail chains don’t stock plus-sized clothing. We know there’s an industry-wide lack of racial diversity, too. Rather than embracing the reality that women are all different shapes, sizes and colors, the industry remains operating within a world of constraints where only a few types of women’s bodies are represented.

Here’s the thing: we have power as consumers to change the way brands market their products to us and the models they choose. We buy these clothes! Our demand could change the supply.

But is our demand really there? Do we really want to see all types of bodies — our bodies — on billboards and runways?

This is a squishy, uncomfortable question, because the gut answer is of course, yes. Yes! But the reality is more complicated. We know that beauty isn’t defined by one weight or one look. We remind our friends and younger siblings that we don’t have to look like models, that beauty comes from within. Mothers have been saying it for years.

Yet, at least for me, all those good intentions somehow don’t stop me from being critical of myself for not looking like a Victoria’s Secret Model. It doesn’t stop me from shopping at stores that don’t carry anything above a size 10 in protest, and worst of all, it doesn’t stop me from privately picking apart other women for being too thin or too fat — or too in-between.

I’m going to choose to believe this behavior is a product of our environment. It’s hard to change your way of thinking and start calling yourself and others beautiful when there’s a whole industry selling you a different, limited ideal. But I think it’s important to try. If we create enough demand, brands will have to create accessible clothing for all sizes of women, advertised and worn by all sizes of women.

S0, great! Now…how do you change a thought process? To be honest, I’m not totally sure. But I have been trying to tell myself to shut up a lot when I start thinking negatively about my body or begin judging some girl in a too-tight dress. No more talking about how thin some celebrity is just to make conversation, or stalking models out of jealousy on Instagram. I’m trying to pay attention to how different clothing lines market their product— like — and support those I respect with my meager spending money.

These may seem like baby steps, but they’re baby steps in the right direction. Maybe they’ll lead us to a day where this is the norm: We open a magazine. There’s a denim ad inside, and it features jeans we want to buy not because we aspire to someday look like the models wearing them, but because these women already look like us. And our butts look damn good in those jeans.

Collage by Krista Anna Lewis; artworks by Picasso, Mickalene Thomas, Boticceli, and Davinci.

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MR Style Icon: Jeanne Damas

You know those people who seem like they’ve been around forever, venerated superstars on par with the work horses who command the world, like Karl Lagerfeld or whoever? That’s kind of how I feel about Jeanne Damas, the French former fashion blogger slash current model and sometimes designer who re-emerged on the feed last year for just that reason following a collaboration she did with The Reformation wherein plentiful cropped flare legs were manifested as if from the very literal mental objects of my prefrontal cortex and body suits became an unofficial uniform. Here’s why she’s great.

1. There is a decent possibility that she is responsible for the resuscitation of vintage jeans in the fashion consciousness.

2. She makes espadrilles look cool. She makes you wonder if you can make espadrilles look cool.

2a. There’s also the ballet flat thing — she wears them the way these shoes weren’t necessarily made to be worn, but want to be worn.

3. I have never seen anyone else evince such a distinct sense of personal style with the use of simply a sweater and high waist pants and sometimes a blazer. On most other people that just looks like the result of a too-busy-to-think-about-what-I’m-going-to-wear kind of morning. No?

3a. That’s got to mean that at the crux of good style is attitude, right?

3b. Or full lips punctuated by a deep hue of red?

3c. Dark eyes that are wide?

3d. I should stop while I’m ahead.

3e. But I won’t. Because I’m not ahead anyway!

4. Her hair. How does she get it to look like that? Is it just naturally stringy and kind of straight? Is the answer dry shampoo at the crown?

5. Her bangs. But a word from the unwise: don’t try them at home. Re-approximating such a delicate centerpiece is no simple feat, which I learned the hard way last February.

6. Personally, I really appreciate a French person who is willing to wear a striped shirt every day. I think Napoleon would have beamed with pride.

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7. In the event I ever consider stuffing my bra, Damas is a good case study in the effectiveness of dressing a better-endowed chest. And it seems like tank tops are a mainstay.

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8. But the bottom line, I think, is this (which might be true of all the French women we deem iconic): she’s unflinching in what she puts on her person to present herself to the world. There is experimentation, sure, but it means much more, like the good kind of frivolity. It all seems to connote that sense of honesty and awareness that infers the effortlessness we try to approximate. But then again

There’s always this:

Maybe looking like you tried is coming back.

Right?

Feature collage by Elizabeth  Tamkin

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