Leandra Medine's Blog, page 583

An Email Conversation About Food

On Wed, Nov 11, 2015 at 5:32 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

Can I ask you a weird question, which will either really hit home or seem really ridiculous depending on which side of the spectrum you sway: how much time do you spend thinking about food?

On Nov 11, 2015, at 5:45 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I go through phases. Sometimes my life feels so all-consuming that food is my last thought. I rarely “forget to eat,” but I do “forget” to *think* about it.

In college, I used to think about food a lot. Probably too much because I was always on a diet to lose weight. Things like, “Oh crap, how am I supposed to go to dinner with my friends tonight? What will I eat? Should I eat? Do I eat before so that I don’t eat at dinner, and if I do that, do I risk getting hungry at dinner then eating TWO dinners?”

That made me feel insane. I hate thinking about food in that way. The only way I like to think about food is, “What do I need, and what do I want?”

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 12:21 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

I’m so with you. I do think about it a lot. Sometimes so much that by the time I’m actually eating, the food is underwhelming. Ultimately, I feel lucky that don’t have the time to think about it more, but I could absolutely see myself falling down a rabbit hole if I had a few more hours in the day. The thing is, I sometimes wonder if that makes me a disordered eater, you know?

I think this is another one of those topics that doesn’t really get spoken about honestly enough or through enough lenses and it somehow seems taboo to mention food hang-ups without immediately being diagnosed as something. My understanding is that everyone — EVERYONE — has a particular relationship with food, so I guess I just wonder what’s okay to say and what’s not.

On Nov 12, 2015, at 3:40 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I think everyone has a relationship with food, too — even if you think you don’t. If you’re an “eat to live” person as opposed to “live to eat,” that’s still a relationship. It’s crazy how psychological eating is. What I cannot say is if everyone has a difficult relationship with food, but I can generalize and say that almost everyone I know either currently has or has had a personal food-related hurdle to cross. That’s ranged from the mild peanut allergy to serious, doctor-diagnosed disorders.

But you’re right. It’s hard to talk about. I’ve also heard that it’s a hard topic to write about from a publisher’s standpoint, because reading about it can teach, trigger or encourage disordered eating.

What seems to be talked about less is the gray area you mention. The slightly disordered thinking as opposed to the clinical disorder. It seems pretty prevalent in our industry: everyone’s always on a juice cleanse, a fad diet, we’re always commenting on one another’s weight. (“You look great! What have you been doing?” implies, “You look skinny! What’s your secret?”)

Where does a diet or a new fitness regiment end and a problem begin?

I can kind of answer that for myself with the word “obsession.” When it begins to control your life as opposed to guide certain decisions (avoiding dinners with friends altogether versus packing a healthful, homemade lunch).

But even that’s too simple. I know we’re talking just you and me but the fact that we might publish this convo is making me edit my own thoughts a bit, which proves your point: we don’t really know what’s okay to say and what’s not okay. What do you think is not okay?

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 4:16 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

I’m not sure. I  started seeing an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility and I mentioned to her that my eating behavior is unusual because I’m kind of afraid of putting on weight/try to avoid grains and sugar as a result. It was refreshing to say it so matter of factly without feeling like I was being accused of a clinical disorder. Specifically because I have an incredibly hard time with deprivation, as in: I can’t do it. So I might want to avoid grains in my mind, but in action, I’m not great at it. Mostly, the reason I brought this up is because I’m thinking there’s a gray area between problem and not that is maybe “underserved” from a conversational perspective.

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 4:38 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I wonder if that gray area is underserved because of this: we talk about talking about things (ha ha) as a means to normalize them, take away the shame and create a supportive environment. But maybe fear surrounds “normalizing” food-weirdness talk because it could possibly come off as encouraging unhealthy, disordered behavior.

Goal: make everyone feel understood and not alone. “This is normal. It sucks. I go through this too. Nothing wrong with the way you’re thinking,” which translates to a release in anxiety and societal pressure and all the things that come with this territory.

Fear: “This is normal. It’s good. Nothing wrong with the way you’re thinking.” — which translates into someone getting worse, or not getting the help they need…

I DON’T KNOW THIS IS VERY HARD TO TALK ABOUT without sounding like a self-righteous know-it-all, an overly concerned mom or “like you have a problem” !!!!

Let’s say your daughter came home and told you, “I don’t want dinner. I’m fat.” How would you react?

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 5:21 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

I would not say, “No you’re not!!!!! You sound crazy!!!!!” because that devalidates someone’s feelings. And I know that when I tell my husband I feel ugly and he says I look beautiful what I’d prefer is for him to be like, “So take a shower and do your hair.” Agree with my plight and offer a solution! So maybe I’d start with, “Why do you think you’re fat? Are you unhappy with what you see in the mirror? Are you comparing yourself to someone at school?” It’s important for kids, I think, to learn early on that comparison is a fast track to misery. Then I might say, “You can’t not eat because we need food to survive, so that’s not really a choice. What is a choice is what you choose to eat, so if you want, we can talk about which foods won’t make you feel “fat” and which ones might.” (Like cake, which will be her favorite if she is anything like her mother.)

Maybe that’s terrible advice, I don’t know, but I do think you bring up a really good and important point about this convo — the goal is definitely not to mitigate-without-solving unhealthy behavior. What I’m getting at is more trying to figure out whether we blow our habits out of proportion because shame comes into play.

Of course, everyone experiences food differently so it’s stupid to assume that what I think isn’t completely tailored to the way my mind works, but I do also feel pretty confident in my own sense of self-awareness. I know (for the most part) when I have an issue and when I don’t, but I’m a little stumped with food stuff, though I do know that when I bring it up, my understanding is that many other (mostly) women experience similar tendencies. Comments like, “I’m being good tonight,” or “You had a stomach virus, I’m so jealous!” seem to indicate a very real flaw in our relationships with food. I guess I’m just wondering whether the flaw is palpable enough to even bother “overcoming” or if it should just be relegated to…Circumstance About the Way Women Feel.

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 5:41 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

“…Trying to figure out whether we blow our habits out of proportion because shame comes in play.” — that’s so interesting. Definitely. Right? Hanging around people who chide you for bringing up real thoughts that come into your mind (You: I feel fat, I want to lose weight; Them: you’re crazy, don’t talk like that, you sound like a nut) really could make you feel like…whoa, I am crazy.

Then there’s the opposite where you’re surrounded by people who all say the same thing i.e., “I’m being good tonight,” like you mentioned — so you feel NOT crazy.

There’s no great way to gauge your own standing, even if you are super self-aware, like you said. It’s such a murky area. We know when we’re feeling stressed or burned out or sad because those are causes of something else we can pinpoint, like work or a relationship. But when we have to assess a problem with ourselves, that’s always so much harder. Everything thinks they’re “fine.”

That whole overcoming the flaw in our relationships with food thing…it’s very tied to societal standards. We’re weird about food because it affects the way we look. And we can also be weird about food because of antiquated things we were taught (pressure to clean your plate, that certain foods are “bad”) so it’s almost like to overcome the flaw we’d have to hit rewind and wipe our memories… And then you read something like “French Women Don’t Get Fat” and it’s because they not only have self-control, but exercise everything in moderation.

If Americans don’t do moderation well then maybe that’s why we also assume we have a problem!

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 6:09 PM, Leandra Medine wrote:

I find that I mostly become hung up about food when everything else in my life seems out of control. It’s pretty textbook, but specifically with the pregnancy thing, I keep thinking that maybe if I eat really REALLY healthy fats and just like, zero sugar and don’t consume alcohol, it will change the outcome of my issue (which is rooted in the fact that I’m not getting periods).

Same thing when my dad was sick with colon cancer — I literally ate raw food for six months because I read in a book that your colon doesn’t have to work to digest raw food. It was the most literal way to internalize a near-tragedy.

Anyway, I don’t have a solution. I don’t even know if what we’re talking about makes sense, but I would love to have a larger conversation with THE PEOPLE about food and eating because I’m curious about their opinions. What are you thinking?

On Thu, Nov 12, 2015 at 6:26 PM, Amelia Diamond wrote:

I tend to operate in extremes, so either I’m being REALLY HEALTHY, or I’m YOLO-ing. Monday through Friday day: a food saint. Friday night through Sunday, a frat bro. Then I repent on Monday onward and the cycle goes on. If I’m emotionally stressed, I can’t eat. If I’m work-stressed, I’m mad at anyone who isn’t a doughnut. But I guess I’ve always assumed all of that was normal. Ish. Normal as in — I don’t have a problem.

What you’ve really made me think about are things like: what is a problem when everything exists on a gray sliding scale? Who’s to say what is/isn’t? Is that a doctor’s job? Your parent’s job? As an adult: your job?

Can you learn to not be weird about food? Or do you just accept it…because it’s normal…and then talk about it…

Did we go in a circle?

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

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Welcome to Little Indulgences Month on Man Repeller

Remember Polly Pocket? A tiny doll, about the size of a close-cropped pinky nail who lived in a plastic compartment with the square footage of a public pool snack bar hamburger — what a concept. Kids likely loved her because she was tiny enough to shove into any orifice that required a trip to the emergency room. Adults likely hated her because she was tiny enough to step on and cause puncture injuries which required a trip to the emergency room.

Either way, she proved a cliché to be true: home is where the cargo pants are.

She also proved that with the exception of bagels, the best things come in small packages.

Polly Pocket was my first little indulgence. If we’re talking actual stature, then so too were worry dolls — the mini yarn-spun Guatemalan-made therapists that you’d place under your pillow to eliminate bad dreams and other childhood neuroses. If we’re thinking more metaphorically, then I’d also consider leaning backwards on a swing set or getting to eat cake for breakfast as two of my earlier indulgences as well.

As I got older, little indulgences became more about pampering. “Me time.” A cross between Mom-On-a-Cruise moments of really letting my hair down (this also involves cake for breakfast) and the more meditative, quiet treats: a bath, for example. A long walk without a phone. A massage. Letting myself fall asleep in the pedicure chair without feeling guilty or rude.

These things can feel silly. There’s no real point in buying a new nail polish when you already have 15 shades of pink, no actual need for yet another pair of underwear, even if this specific pair is pretty and on sale. But sometimes it’s these little indulgences — whatever your personal ones may be — that kick us out of the daily doldrums and helps fend off that feeling of burn out, that feeling like we’re not taking care of ourselves amid all the other important crap we have to do. They’re emotional stocking stuffers.

Which is why we’ve declare it Little Indulgences Month at Man Repeller. Now add yours in the comments below — whatever it may be! — and get ready to deep dive into a bowl of your favorite batter. Lick the spoon while you’re at it.

Just watch out for Polly. She’s small, but she hurts like a mother…

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis.

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The Chatroom: SZA Interview

Observing someone upside down is an excellent way to determine their personal style. As I watched SZA “stand” with her palms on the ground and her feet in the air from my decidedly safer-position (cross-legged and on the floor), I realized that there is no way to perform a handstand in front of a six-person audience without feeling really, really good about what you’re wearing. You need to be comfortable to hang out the wrong way up.

The Top Dawg Entertainment-signed artist did just this (off-camera, I regret to inform you) in a pair of Muppet-sheep shorts and a tee-shirt with expertly-rolled sleeves, combat boots and the kind of hat that requires innate coolness on behalf of the wearer in order for the whole look to read as cool — and SZA looked cool. She always does. Have you seen her Instagram? This shoot she did for us? She embodies style, but her music alone could tell you that.

It’s a comforting reminder that we eventually do grow into ourselves. In this episode of The Chatroom, SZA tells Leandra that she still remembers what it’s like to be picked on in school. That she wasn’t “cool” growing up, and far from popular. She was different. Her path was different, but she followed it — sometimes on two hands — all the way to the stage on which she was born to dance and sing.

Watch the interview. You’ll see what I mean.

Follow SZA on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. You can also listen to her music on TopDawgEntertainment’s website and Soundcloud channel. 

Feature Photograph by Charlotte Fassler.

Special thanks to SIXTY Hotels for their lovely hospitality (follow them on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook).  

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The Rules of Style According to Cookie Lyon

“Lucious!”

In the days since starting what I can only describe as an Empire debauch, I’ve come to know this name well. As the widely contested “anti-hero” of the Fox musical, Lucious Lyon proffers himself as the controversial leader of his pack.

That is until you meet Cookie, Lucious’s gutsy ex-wife and most importantly, the catalyst behind Empire’s initial success.

We first meet Queen Cookie upon her release from a 17-year stint in jail. To put things in perspective: 1998 was the year Bill Clinton denied having “sexual relations” with the universe’s most infamous intern, Monica Lewinsky.

Lorde was being potty trained in her birthplace of Takapuna, New Zealand.

Brandy and Monica’s “The Boy is Mine” spent 13 weeks on top of the US Billboard Hot 100 list that summer.

And in 1998, it was Mariah Carey who held the no. 2 pencil in fashion’s narrative — who could blame Cookie for making her debut in a cheetah print fedora?

She’s come a long way in the two seasons Empire has been on TV. Cookie is as admired for her valiant style as she is for her feisty demeanor and take no shit attitude. As we prepare to gorge on eggnog and sequin dresses in the name of holiday spirit, let us all take a style cue or two from Cookie Lyon.

1. The Bolder the Lip, the Better Everything Sounds

Cookie’s way with words is proof of what a strong lip can do: A deep purple pout will get you a Cronut every time. A red smile doesn’t acquiesce when the flight attendant attempts to check your carry-on. Paint your mouth orange and never pay extra for guacamole again.

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2. Outerwear Should Tell a Story

Word on the street is that Cookie’s eclectic roster of coats has the entire cast of Game of Thrones scrambling to revive their Tundra-resistant cloak game. Cookie’s oxblood fur in episode 9 was the envy of the Seven Kingdoms! It’s changed the way I view outerwear. Which is to say, ,my Canada Goose isn’t doing anything for my image.

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3. A Hat Is Something You Put on Your Head to Protect Your Secrets

Once the accessory of choice for the ukulele wielding, Jason Mraz-crooning douchebag by the bonfire, Cookie has revived the fedora. (Jamal’s not doing a bad job of it, either.) Wear it in moderation though; this baby’s still got some bruised knees from its last run in the park.

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4. Accessories Should Be Bold, Thematic and a Sensible Alternative to Pepper Spray

Don’t be the chump who gets hauled into the backseat of a tinted Lincoln Town Car. Always accessorize, and always be sure that your gold plated ring can make a statement on somebody else’s face.

5. Wear Your Sunglasses in the Morning, at Night and at Your Son’s Baptism

Because, what else? People should be begging for an invitation to look into your eyes.

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6. Change Your Hairstyle as Frequently as You Change Your Underwear…

….Which is to say, once a day — twice if you plan on working out.

7. A Chipped Manicure Bespeaks a Lazy Soul

Your nails should be ready to tackle a lottery scratch off at a moment’s notice. Do you know who’s intimated by filed nails tapping on a conference table? Nobody.

8. Whoever Said Shoes Were Made for Walking…

Clearly never hurled a heel at their ex-husband’s head, which, as we all very well know, is the stiletto’s true purpose. Cookie’s shoe game serves as a reminder that whether you’re on a farm struggling to bypass cow dung or lying for the sake of a business deal, flats are never an option. Neither is falling down.

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9. Animal Print from Head to Toe

While Cookie does have an obvious partiality toward prints of the feline variety, she isn’t averse to throwing a zebra into the mix, either. And although Season 2 has seen a decline in the head-to-toe leopard that branded the Cookie of Season 1, this season’s feathered Gucci number makes up for it.

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10. Honorable Mention Goes To…

A. Jamal Lyon’s Bare Chest

The sexy chest really had a moment this season in a slew of deep V-necks, open-button-downs and enough henleys to restore an un-ironic faith in Abercrombie and Fitch.

B. Alicia Keys’ Purple Hair

Alicia made a guest appearance in Episode 9 as Skye Summers, a “girl power pop star” frustrated with the lack of creative control she has over her music. Alicia looks like a kickass Marvel character in a black corset, red cape and purple side swept hair that even Jamal can’t resist. Uh Oh…

Tip your fedora if you can’t wait until January.

Feature collage by Elizabeth Tamkin

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Pink Lipstick: Do It for the Holiday Bubbly

Putting your glass of champagne papi down at a holiday party is like turning your back on a crawling baby or letting the Apple TV remote out of your sight: within the span of two seconds, max, that bubbly/baby/remote will be gone.

Rumor has it that this very phenomenon was the catalyst behind red lipstick as a holiday party staple. One genius hypochondriac was sick of losing her drink instantly amid a sea of alcoholic beverages in identical drankwear at every fête she attended from December 1st until the new year — year after year.

“I think this one’s yours” (*holds up random ass glass*) was not good enough for the neurotic she who lived in fear of backwashed germs and common colds.

“Just go get another” was wasteful.

And so, she started swiping red on her lips so that she’d stain her glass and thus stake claim in her cocktail.

“Mine’s the one with the big berry smooch,” she’d announce to the thirsty crowd.

That is, until everyone got in on the red. It became a “thing.” A holiday staple! What started as a place saver soon turned into the difference between festively-dressed and the grinch. You were no one under the mistletoe unless your pucker was lacquered in red, which meant that once again all drinks — like all mouths — looked the same.

Sealed with a kiss? Yea, mine too.

So what’s a hypochondriac without a label maker to do?

Switch to pink.

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Did you just gasp??

Pink, I promise you, has more purpose than Justin Bieber’s new album. It’s flattering on all skin tones and speaks louder than a microphone but it’s nowhere near close to the outside-voice-level of an annoying laugh. It turns all black into an ensemble and clashes brilliantly with primary colors and most importantly avoids any hint of cliché.

It also works well with:

Sequins

Sparkle

Leopard

Gold

Cheek kisses

And Instagram.

But most importantly, because it’s a little much (viva la tacky, magpies) your entire art department and accounting team won’t be coated in the same shade, which means that you can leave your bev near Bev without worrying about her chugging your bubs, making you and your new girl like two bugs in a rug that probably should have been rolled up and put away before the party because literally everyone is spilling on it.

*Hiccup*

I’m done.

Featured lipsticks are Candy Yum-Yum and Show Orchid by MAC and Raspberry Pink Bobbi Brown; p hotographed by Krista Anna Lewis and Elizabeth Tamkin. Models in order of slideshow: Chloe Pang, Krista Lewis and Chanel Parks.

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Oh Boy Podcast Episode 15: Alicia Yoon

This episode isn’t just for the beauty addicts. However, for anyone who focused the majority of their Black Friday and Cyber Monday efforts on serums and lotions and pore minimizing creams, this will be like audio porn. Alicia Yoon is the founder of Peach & Lily, a website that brings Asia’s most popular and innovative beauty brands to the US (though note they ship internationally as well). But you don’t just get there by applying excellent eyeliner.

Yoon attended beauty school before enrolling at Columbia University. Following that, she attended Harvard Business School, got a job at Goldman Sachs, came to the realization that neither finance nor consulting was for her and honed in on what she actually enjoyed doing. Her decision to blend career and happiness is almost ironic: there was a time when she didn’t think work was supposed to be enjoyable. In this case, being wrong was a good thing. Her determination, dedication and efforts paid off.

In the About Us section on her website, Yoon cites an important lesson that she learned at Harvard: “a career built on passion has fuel that seldom runs low.” It’s a reminder to any hopeful entrepreneurs out there, to anyone who is continually looking for the hole that they can fill, who has an idea that they believe could be great. Like I said, this episode isn’t just for the beauty addicts.

Have your headphones ready? Enjoy.

Check out Alicia Yoon’s beauty website Peach and Lily while also following her on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. Follow host Jay Buim on Instagram here — or visit his website. Logo and feature illustration by Kelly Shami.

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Can’t Meditate? Try Journaling

Except for a declaration of love written in Sharpie during a fit of passion and currently (thankfully) covered by my great aunt’s china in my childhood closet, I have few written documents from my youth. I wasn’t much of a journaler, which isn’t to say I didn’t give it a half-assed attempt every few years. “Dear Diary,” I’d always begin, “I never keep these things, but I’m going to with this one.” Basically, I spent 1997-2010 lying to inanimate objects.

I also developed an improbable appetite for Psychology Today — not because of the aforementioned lying but because I spent an inordinate amount of time in doctors’ waiting rooms due to chronic strep throat. (It was either that or endless hours of Where’s Waldo/Parenting Magazine.) As such, I am the go-to girl for pop psychology trends, and 2015 has been the year of mindfulness. Ohm.

But let’s say you’re too neurotic to meditate. Or perhaps rather than sit with your thoughts, you need get them out of you. Journaling is the answer. I’m not advocating you re-tell your days in excruciating detail or address each page with “Dear.” Instead, make like a millennial at a grocery story and create lists. Number them. Allow for incomplete sentences. The easier you make it, the more likely you are to do it. A historically undedicated journaler who was self-conscious about the exercise (it felt a little too Advice By Oprah at first), I assure you that it’s worked for me.

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Here’s the deal:

1) When you wake up, give yourself focus by writing down three goals for the day. If you make these goals easily achievable yet still significant then you’ve just given yourself a dope ass triumph. Yes, “only one dessert” is a triumph. Ditto for “make bed.”

2) Before you go to bed, write down three things you’re grateful for. Of course you should be grateful that you have a roof over your head and a brain to journal with, but the point of this exercise is to cultivate gratefulness when your impetus is to send out an emoji-laden mass text that says, “I’m bored.”  The point is to find joy in the Sunday Scaries, to appreciate something about every day, to delve into the minutiae of your life and come up smiling.

…That’s it. That’s mindfulness.

When I really, honestly consider the finer details of the draggier parts of my day — both the one I’ve been through and the one that’s coming — things that make me anxious or annoyed tend to melt into manageable, sometimes even enjoyable, components.

Keeping a journal isn’t going to turn you into someone so at peace with the world that her periods are in sync with the tides nor will it prohibit a well-deserved “fuck!” on the subway at rush hour. But it will remind you that despite all the crap, there’s a lot of good in the world. Sometimes it’s a TLC song that appears on shuffle when you really need it, other times it’s finding a questionable yet nonetheless edible piece of gum at the bottom of your bag. It doesn’t matter if you feel self-conscious at first. Just be honest.

Collage by Krista Anna Lewis.

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Did You Cyber Score on Sale or Simply Look Away?

Yesterday, my very close friend, arguably the physical manifestation of what a shopping post might look like after it goes live on Man Repeller, broke my heart when she told me that not even Man Repeller could persuade her to buy anything this year on Cyber Monday. Are we failing that miserably? Then I thought about it some more: it didn’t push me very far, either. Yes, there were good things. But not good things that lit a hot enough fire under my ass to consider what taking a mortgage in the name of proprietorship might mean.

Sure, I may have purchased a pair of gold Céline sandals from The Real Real (a moment to sale-brag: they were 20% off $248 and never worn) but something very particular about that sale — that it didn’t feel special — has been looming over my head since way before the New York Times reported that brick and mortar sales dropped this year, giving way to the deluge of mobile shoppers that have finally emerged as the winning team in the game of retail.

So, shopping has changed. But is it only a matter of time before Cyber Monday falls by the wayside, too? Here we remain in consistent pursuit of the best deal because it’s always ready to be caught. The Real Real and Vestiaire Collective and The Outnet and Yoox and regular sales on full-price platforms that run for periods far longer than the span between Thanksgiving and Christmas make this possible, so what’s so special about 25% off at [insert your favorite shop here]? Technically speaking, the reason for the disparity could be as simple as that. But maybe there’s something else.

Something like…too much stuff. If we’re buying more but spending less dollars-per-item (which apparently we are), is it possible that we’re overwhelmed by the vastness of product out there and as such attempting to partition our budgets to satisfy the expanse? I know plenty of people who have said that even though they love a deal, it’s just easier not to buy anything, or get involved in Cyber Monday because there’s too much stuff. Maybe that’s a handicap we actually have to address. Or maybe I’m projecting burnout.

Did you buy anything?

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Use Your Mirror to Figure out What to Wear This Week

Sometimes, when you forget what motivates you to get dressed in the morning, all it takes to remember is a sincere look in the mirror. The kind of stare that reflects a really early version of you, which does not infer that you tap into your inner infant — that would be weird and a challenge to dress. What I’m suggesting is that often, the bells and whistles of sales and years passed and the Internet can meddle with who we are fundamentally. What we really look like. What makes us look more like the versions of ourselves that we most want to be.

Example: I have basically wasted the last three months of my life standing in front of a closet thinking I have nothing to wear when that would only be the case if I actually, literally, physically lacked clothing. How does one reconcile this feeling beyond the hormonal imbalances of being a severely fickle person with taste touch points that run a dramatic gamut from the very casual to the fiercely formal and sometimes like to meet halfway in between and espouse both dress codes?

But I guess that would mean I’m not thinking about my style, right? Which is different, perhaps, from my taste. As in: what looks good on me and what makes me feel good does not invariably equate with the cues that my taste commands.

Another example: I finally found a lamé slip dress. I’ve been looking for one for months. It needed to hit juuuust below my knee and galvanize my clavicle bones as though they were being canonized in the book of shoulders. It came yesterday — and you know what happened when I tried it on and looked in the mirror? Nothing. It was the most underwhelming experience in the history of fallen black Fridays. My calves looked dramatically large, my clavicles seemingly showed little interest in being exposed and my skin, despite being sun-kissed, looked pissed. And that’s just it, right? The physical manifestation of the difference between my style (what I feel good wearing) and my taste (a meditation on what I feel good seeing other people wear). Sometimes they may overlap, but yesterday, they did not.

So here I ask you to take a hard look in the mirror. Consider when you feel best. Use Pinterest to help if your own face will not. I’ve spent the greater half of a weekend morning looking through photos of people I like — really, really like — only to find that in the most diffident and casual of sneaker and suit and sweater shots of the inimitable Lauren Hutton, there it was. Me! Not literally, of course, but at least now I know what I’m wearing.

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Feature collage by Krista Anna Lewis.

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How to Deal With a Breakup

Isaac’s guide to breakups first appeared on his blog, IsaacLikes. Once he started doling out advice to MR readers (did you read this one about cheating and this one about how to tell if a guy likes you?), he kept coming across the same question: “Isaac, I got dumped. What do I do?” Below, Isaac’s updated, Man Repeller edition of the breakup do’s and hell no’s.

When you’ve been in as many bad relationships as I have, you’re uniquely qualified to advise other people what not to do.

You name it, I’ve done it — or had it done to me.

If there’s one area in my past where I failed the hardest, however, it’s the breakup. I could never seem to let go, no matter how awful the relationship had been. If she pulled away, I clung on. If I pulled away and she told me she missed me, I’d try to kiss her. If she told me to never, ever, ever try to contact her again, I’d show up outside her house trying to win her back at 3 o’clock in the morning.

Oh, how I’ve grown.

The following list of Do’s and Don’ts is the result of too many mistakes that I didn’t need to make. If followed, it’ll help you to get over your heartbreak in a far more timely manner than if you do the opposite. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.

Godspeed.

Do:

– Get out of bed.

– Surround yourself with people who care about you a lot more than they care about your ex.

– Separate yourself from your ex’s group of friends (your ex should do the same with yours).

– Throw yourself into work/school/the gym/learning a new language — aka anything that will take up a large chunk of your time and give you a sense of achievement in the process.

– Behave with dignity and self-respect.

– Get out of town. Go travel the world. Check out the Greek Islands. Lie on the beach somewhere beautiful where the locals are attractive and the sun is hot.

– Go see a therapist. It will change your life, and they’re often not as expensive as you think they’re going to be. (Mine costs $100 per session, which, if you’re the average young person, is like one or two nights getting drunk at a bar except really, really good for you.)

– Cry. I always think it helps, just not in public or when you’re eating.

– Delete your ex on every social media channel. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Even Facebook. It doesn’t have to be forever — just until you can face seeing your ex without feeling terrible about yourself.

– Get yourself a wingman whose job is to make sure you’re having a good time whenever you guys are out.

– Enjoy being single. It’s extremely fun.

– Know that you’ll get over it. I promise.

Don’t:

– HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX. EVER AGAIN. Sex does not equal love. In this situation it’s like a drug that will make you feel like you’re together again for the moments it lasts, and then tear you apart when your ex gets out of bed and tells you, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea if I stay the night, you know? We are broken up, after all.”

And if your ex does stay the night and cuddle you and make you feel safe and comfortable for eight hours, it’s no indication that he or she isn’t going to go out and have sex with someone else the next day. Also, STDs.

– Stalk or keep track of your ex’s movements. This includes talking to your mutual friends about what your ex has been up to, incessantly checking Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Tumblr/Snapchat for clues, or “turning up” to places where you know your ex is going to be.

– Try to be friends. I promise that you can be friends in the future but it takes a while to get there. Now is not the time.

– Allow your ex to talk to you about new people he or she is seeing, or problems, fears, aspirations, hopes, dreams, failures, or triumphs. You’re not together anymore — it’s not your job or duty to listen to this stuff anymore.

– Drunk dial. Put down the phone.

– Try and compete with your ex by hooking up with other people in an attempt to cause jealousy. This especially applies to your ex’s friends. Even if you succeed in making your ex jealous and he or she comes crawling back, you’re both still the same people and the same issues will crop up all over again.

– Meet up for coffee, even if your ex is the instigator.

– Talk about your breakup or heartbreak all day, errrry day with your friends. They’ll get over it really quickly and you’ll end up being kinda boring to be around. That’s what therapists, sisters, mothers and bloggers you’ve never met before are for. (Hello, new friend!)

– Think that there’s anything wrong with you. Because there’s not. The honest truth is that your relationship didn’t work out. You weren’t right for your ex, and your ex wasn’t right for you. I know your self-esteem has just taken a gigantic beating, but it doesn’t say anything about you as a human being — it is what it is. And “it” happens to us all. Breakups are incredibly hurtful and painful and devastating and sad, but they’re a part of life. This experience will make you a stronger person in the end; it’s just gonna take you a bit of time to get there.

Let me know how you get on. Keep in touch. And whatever you do, DON’T YOU EVER SLEEP WITH HIM EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!! OKAY!?

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis

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