How to Do Monday, Featuring Vintage Versace, Versace, Versace

Three good ways to start a Monday, in sequential order.

1. Keep your phone on airplane mode until you get into the office. Stop for coffee before walking in. Take a deep breath before you take a deep gulp. Give yourself a high five for still being alive.

2. Before you check your e-mail, check your favorite website. Hopefully if you’re reading this, that kind of means you’re already doing that. I’m going with Net-a-Porter because often what I find on days I don’t want to do anything is that what I do want to do is buy a sweater that says “Night Music” on it. I didn’t say I’m going to do it, but this is getting much more confusing than it has to be.

3. While you’re drinking that coffee and thinking about night music, do also lean back into your chair, let the wheels below twist loose like they’re extras in Grease and right click your mouse through an edited selection of vintage Versace ads. If not because Claudia! Linda! Helena! Christy! than certainly because, hello, it’s holiday season, and where the hell are we to take inspirational dressing cues from if not Gianni Versace circa early 90s as imagined by so many fancy photographers.

I, for one, have made it my business to:

a) Locate a metallic mini skirt. I’ve also found one. Here it is.

b) Wear a plate over my vagina

c) Consider red tights under a light blue slip dress

d) Put the tasteful back in tacky with a studded ensemble that harks back to the spirit of the Old West.

In support of clause #D, there is a possibility that I will run around the streets of New York singing “Countess” Luann’s hit single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class.”

And that, my friends, is how you do a Monday right.

PS. Know what can improve your whole month, let alone week? The fact that Amuze is giving away a $2,500 gift card.

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