Leandra Medine's Blog, page 58

How to Master the Fake Tuck

An unsuccessful Google search has made something clear to me: If you are struggling to learn what I consider to be one of the most valuable styling tricks in the arsenal of ways to create an optical illusion, you will continue to struggle until someone else takes God’s work of developing a brief, but helpful guide into their own hands. I never thought I’d be this person—it just didn’t seem like my mission, you know?—but recently, a commenter asked, “Fake tucking: how are people doing it?” She elaborated, “Google isn’t delivering anything that seems like it would work with a chunky knit.”

And I’ll tell you why—because the majority of people assume you’re supposed to start from the front when really, it’s the back. As you can see, this is not like learning to wipe. Here is a very simple, 3-step guide to doing it (fake-tucking your shirt, not wiping).

The obvious step 0, which I’ll leave out, btw, is to pick a sweater on which to execute your fake tuck. I’d suggest one that is relatively long, and with a wide enough hem that you can successfully execute step 1.

Step 1: Twist

Create a twist at the bottom of the back of your sweater. To do this, gather the hem together as if you’re about to put it in a ponytail but then, instead of doing that, wring it like you’re trying to squeeze the water out of a wet towel.

Step 2: Tuck

Now, it’s commonplace that when you’re dealing with a wet towel, you’ll actually un-wring it, too, but because this is not a towel we’re talking about, I’m going to tell you to keep that wring in place. If you want to sing “Put a Ring on It,” you’re more than welcome to, I’d just ask that you send me a voice note while you are fulfilling the very simple step 2 of tucking the twist into the back of your trousers.

Now the thing about this tuck is that you must only let in the bottom of the twist, otherwise, it might look like you’re trying to hide your tail in the back of your pants And per these pants, btw, this trick works best for something that is high waist, either a skirt or trousers be they denim or some other material that clings to your body like a newborn baby or jellyfish or terrible ex-boyfriend or venus fly-trap or even melted cheese. Moving on!

Step 3: Fluff

Now comes the nuanced final step. Your twist has been tucked from behind and you have purportedly noticed that from your profile’s view, you can barely tell that’s a twist tucked into your pants, it just looks like a sweater doing what it’s supposed to do, blousing slightly from behind above your waist line, displaying your ass like it is in a showcase, which I guess to a degree, it is. But from the front, you’re either cropped in too tight because of the strength of your twist, or you’re scrunching up like a face on Warheads.

Either way, if the sweater is long, it should be folded in once over, as a natural reaction to the twist. Now if you’re cropped in too tight, it’s time to fluff. Pull your twist out slightly not by redoing it, but by joojing the front of your shirt (e.g. picking at it like you’re pinching a kid’s cheeks) until enough of it has come undone and you just look like you’re tucked in and that sweater is casually, seamlessly, cascading over your waistline. If you’re scrunching up, surprise! The process is the same. DJ, fluff it up and thus behold, you’ve mastered the fake tuck. Congratulations on ending 2019 with a crucial new skill under (or is it above?) your belt and thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to pack so many dad jokes into one single story. I love you so much.

Good night, good rest, and godspeed.

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Does Anyone Have a ‘Personal Life’ Anymore?

It recently occurred to me that I’d really like a personal life. I’d like for people to ask me, “What do you do in your personal life?” or “Do your coworkers know about your personal life?” and for my answers to be anything other than confused laughs.

This is a foreign feeling. For a long time, I was intent on destroying the kind of boundaries implied by deeming one slice of your life “personal.” It sounded suffocating. Instead I wanted to achieve a kind of foggy symbiosis between all my disparate parts, where my work self would be the same as my weekend self; my home self the same as my vacation self. This way, I could be the physical embodiment of that twee Tumblr meme that demanded I “build a life I don’t need a vacation from.” This was peak self-actualization to me.

But now I’m not so sure. After finally cultivating a life I don’t need a vacation from—where there exists a startling continuity between what I do for work and what I seek out for entertainment and what I post online and what I talk about in therapy—I think I miss vacations. And I don’t mean weekend trips upstate, I mean the emotional act of vacating. Of un-occupying a mental space every once in awhile. It sounds nice to move in and out of different parts of my life like it’s a Russian bath house instead of swimming around in my own tepid pool all the time.

We’re like an open concept office with free snacks and scooters but nowhere to take phone calls and cry.

 

Now that I know I want a personal life, though, it’s occurred to me that I don’t even know what a personal life is. I’ve been asking friends and strangers over the last month and have yet to receive a satisfying answer. The internet defines it as the sum of our personal choices, or as our non-public-facing life, but both leave a lot of room for interpretation. A personal life is not one’s “home life” nor “private life” either—it’s less specific. A feeling maybe. Like believing in Santa in the 90s. Fittingly, no one I asked felt they had one anymore. And when I consider the cultural and structural shifts that have occurred over the last decade, I’m not surprised the notion almost feels outdated.

Since 2010, we’ve witnessed the rise of social media, where the private becomes public; the creeping presence of workism, where hobbies become hustles; the robbing of our attention in increasingly smaller increments; the emphasis on hyper-optimization, where leisure becomes productivity (and mornings an opportunity); the pressures of late capitalism, where time is money; and the cumulative impulse to build personal brands out of our personal lives (whatever those even are). As a result, day-to-day life has become so overstimulating over the last decade that often our free time is spent in search of ways to “turn our brains off,” rather than turn them on in service of ourselves. It’s no wonder many of us feel constantly, unwittingly overextended. The machinations of modern culture have erased our boundaries. We’re like an open concept office with free snacks and scooters but no where to take phone calls and cry.

It’s difficult to explore this topic without trotting out the anti-capitalist talking points we’ve all heard before—that we’re more than our labor, that we need to take our time back, that we should probably get offline and forgive ourselves. And I do believe all those things; but maybe what I’m getting at with this new obsession is that I’m after separation more than secession. Or rather, I think there’s something to the idea of reintroducing stratification into our lives when everything starts to feel like a blur of sameness.

Maybe it’d mean staring at the wall and imagining I’m someone else.

In its ideal form, I think my personal life would be comprised of interests and behaviors I privately cultivated for no particular reason and with no obvious effort. It might mean reading for pleasure or deep-diving a niche blog or getting really into baking pies or reorganizing my socks or making a seasonal playlist. Maybe it’d mean staring at the wall and imagining I’m someone else. I’m not sure yet! But I would feel no need to weave it into my “personal brand,” address it in my work, or post about it online. Nor would I view it as a means to improve, get ahead, or even grow. In that sense it wouldn’t really be something I “cultivated” at all, but rather made time for.

Maybe that’s what’s at the heart of the creeping obsolescence of the personal life; when our every minute is filled with noise—with other people’s ideas and our need to optimize and our impulse to exploit ourselves for content, as I’m doing now—our inner worlds resemble a losing game of Tetris. Too crowded to allow for the trivial trappings of a personal world, and too densely arranged to differentiate our diverse parts.

I’m still drawn to the idea of one unified, vacationless self. The Tumblr conditioning runs deep. But I’m beginning to see how that aspiration was shaped by the same culture that created the personal brand. Perhaps it’s up to us to reject the forces so intent on flattening us into avatars. By protecting our time against the feverish desire to optimize, indulging in our most pointless instincts, and occasionally inviting a separation between our different selves, we invite a sense of mystery and texture back into our lives. Because none of us are all one thing, and surely we all need a vacation sometimes.

Graphics by Lorenza Centi.

The post Does Anyone Have a ‘Personal Life’ Anymore? appeared first on Man Repeller.

3 Older Women on the Most Important Lessons They Learned Later in Life

As a woman in her mid-twenties, I’m hesitant to offer up any big reflective statements about my time on this planet. But the end of the decade is making me feel uncharacteristically earnest, so you’ll have to refrain from rolling your eyes. It’s the rules, as dictated by Spotify.

My 2010s were shaped by rhythmic peaks and valleys, like an existential sine wave. I had my heart broken for the very first time and met the person I consider to be the love of my life. I began a flirtation with diet products that led to a life-threatening eating disorder, then testified in favor of a bill that would ban the sale of those same diet products to minors. I played the first show that would begin my music career and the last show that would end it. I even fell in love with a small fashion blog started by a fellow Persian New Yorker and am now emptying the contents of my brain for that very site. It’s been formative, to say the least.

While we expect these kinds of ups and downs from a 20-something, I think we tend to assume that, later in life, things slow down, turn over less, all the big life lessons in the rearview. But in talking with Sylvia, 70, Susie, 62, and Furaha, 70, I realized the twists and turns of growing up never really stop. In fact, their last decades were just as filled with surprises as mine. Below, they reflect on the biggest lessons they learned along the way.

Sylvia, 70, lives in Larchmont and found her inner strength in the last decade.

I was born and raised in New Haven, Connecticut. It was always very quiet at my house. No one expressed feelings. I don’t remember my mother cuddling me, but my father very much wanted me. I can remember him reading to me at night. He was my guy.

I was a social worker with a private pediatric practice for 25 years—a job I wanted ever since I was a little girl. I worked with a team of people whom I loved then and I still love. Three of them are sleeping over next week! We worked with children who had diabetes and their families, and it was hard, so they were our family, too. We were very close. There was no limit on our time, you know? The job was not 9-5; it was 24 hours of devotion. I left at 65. I felt I needed to live my life, or at least know what the weather was.

On the lessons from her first marriage

I was 30 years old when I got married, and in those days, you really needed to get married by 30. I wasn’t much interested in marriage, although I was very much interested in having children. But my husband was someone I valued very much: smart, interesting, funny. He adored me. And I thought he really recognized and loved me for the right reasons. It turned out that those reasons became why he grew to resent me terribly. I was always very strong, had a lot of women friends and a very active social life. I didn’t really need anybody else. I think that those things seem very admirable when you meet a person, but living with it is different. In some ways, I was insensitive to his needs, and that didn’t feel good. It wasn’t all his fault—it takes two.

But I stayed, mostly for my children, to protect my son.

He didn’t give me what I needed, and I knew that. He was a man of moods, very angry. And he ended up being emotionally abusive to me, and somewhat physically abusive to my younger son. But I stayed, mostly for my children, to protect my son. I had some fantasies that maybe once my son left home I could make it better. But I couldn’t—he was really mean to me. Anyway, I divorced him and then he died. It was really hard, but I will say, my stepson is the kindest person. He said to me, “You know, Sylvia? There’s only one person who benefited from Dad dying. And that’s you.” That showed me that the kids understood.

On falling back in love

I lived by myself for eight years. I could not have been happier. I had a very full and wonderful life with my friends, with my work. And then I met Harry. We met online and married in 2013. A lot has changed for me in the past decade. He is just the nicest person, but also smart, funny, kind, and a grown-up. It seems somewhat like a dream. It has not all been easy, but I have a degree of maturity and insight into relationships. I love him and I want it to work. We have a huge family! I have my son and stepson, and Harry has four children from his marriage to his ex-wife and three children that he and his ex-wife brought up because the kids’ parents died. In between his marriage to his ex and his marriage to me, Harry dated a woman for five years. She died, but she has a daughter, who is fabulous. Everyone is full of love: accepting, open, and welcoming.

On accepting help from others

A few years ago, my mother had some symptoms of concern, so her doctor decided to keep her in the hospital overnight, to monitor her heart. That night, she had a stroke, and never spoke again. But because she didn’t have words anymore, she would touch me, rub my face, kiss me. I saw her every day for the rest of her life. And I got everything I’d wanted when I was a kid.

Never think you can do it alone. I could not have made it without my girlfriends.

I don’t think of myself as having regrets. I could say to you, “I regret marrying a man who ended up being really destructive in my life.” But I did it, so I had to learn from it. I always thought I was a strong person, but I discovered a strength that I couldn’t have known otherwise. It was a surprise that I ever needed to summon it, but it’s extraordinary to discover aspects of yourself that you never knew existed. And my women friends were there for me. They took care of me.

Never think you can do it alone. I could not have made it without my girlfriends. Sometimes I say to my dear Harry, “I know you’ll never be my girlfriend, but I want to strive for that.” Because there’s an openness, transparency, vulnerability there that’s so essential. And as much as I think I understand myself, I’ve found that there are times when you really need professional help.

When I think about the end of the decade, I think about time marching on. I mean, I really can’t complain about my life. Shit happens, but I’ve never not gotten up. I’m going to make every moment as worthwhile as possible.

Susie, 62, lives in Midtown and came of age in the last decade.

I was born in South Australia on a farm. I spent the first 10 years of my life there, but then my parents divorced, my father got custody, and I was sent to boarding school. It was challenging and I experienced a lot of homesickness. But I enjoyed being away from the disruption of my family life. I was independent before my dependent ties were severed. I learned to grow up very quickly and find my way. I didn’t have parental guidance in my teenage years, so I was a bit of a rebel.

When I was 10, my father came home with a camera for his five children. None of my brothers were interested in it, so I took it. I generated a lot of beautiful images from the age of 14 or so. It was attached to my hip, always with me.

You know, I have no biological children of my own. Just a lot of honorary children.

After high school, I became a registered sick children’s nurse. I felt much more confident working with children as opposed to adults. I’ve always felt empathetic to children since my childhood was not so joyous. The course was three years, but as soon as I graduated, I never practiced nursing again. I moved to the northern territory and was put in charge of a childcare center—32 children under the age of 5. But around this time, I had a bad marriage. After that failed, I put on my backpack and went over to London. A friend of mine said I should go there because it’s wonderful. Well, maybe for her, but I really struggled to find my way there. Except I did meet my husband there, and we’ve been married for over 30 years. I was working as a maternity nurse and looking after a brand new baby when I met him through the family. You know, I have no biological children of my own. Just a lot of honorary children.

On combining her two passions

My husband’s children lived in New York, so in 2004, we moved to be close to them. I’ve been here ever since. In 2007, I decided to apply to NYU and get a degree in clinical psychology. I was accepted there and did a two-year course and a mountain of postgrad hours. In 2012, I was qualified as a private therapist. My new career has changed my life, though it came late. I do that part-time and photography part-time. I always wanted to combine the two, but I didn’t know quite how to do it. It had to feel right for me.

I turned 60 in 2017, and one day, I was doing a water aerobics class and there was a political discussion in the pool. It was about women’s issues and presidential candidates, and I thought, Oh my gosh. This is where I have to go. I was yearning to understand myself better. I didn’t want to be invisible, but I felt like women over the age of 60 were often undervalued and under-recognized. I didn’t want that for myself. I was scared. So I started photographing women over the age of 60, in hopes that they would feel more visible, but also that I would become visible to myself. And it’s been remarkable, watching the women I photograph learn more about themselves. I want to keep learning until the day I die.

I’m getting to know who I am. I’m no longer invisible to myself. I notice myself.

The impact this project has had on me is indescribable. I’ve really learned a lot about myself in the past decade. I’ve connected to many women and no longer walk down the street and feel insecure about being over 60. I’m getting to know who I am. I’m no longer invisible to myself. I notice myself.

On feeling good enough

You know, what I really wanted to be in my life was a singer. That’s always what I dreamed about when I was little. As a teenager, I taught myself guitar and escaped into it. I wrote a few songs and then my mother said, “Singing is not a career for you.” She suggested I go into the nursing channel, which is interesting because I only stuck it out for the training period. But I was recently in the south, and I was out with a group of people, and they invited me up to sing. And I just felt so at home. I regret not having pursued it. I wish I had the courage, back when I was in my teens, to say, “No, this is what I want to do.” Because it’s a gift to sit around with a guitar and draw people to you. I feel very passionate about that.

Trust your gut. We all have an innate ability to know what is right for us. I feel like I’m coming of age very late in life. My anxiety always asks: Will it be enough? Will I be enough? I never really believed that people liked me or could see me. But I’m beginning to feel seen. I feel as though, for the first time, I might be enough.

Furaha, 70, lives in West Harlem and let go of negativity in the last decade.

I was born in Harlem, around the corner from here. It was just me, my mom, and my brother, who was just a useless piece of foreskin. When I was 4, my mother moved me up to Rochester. I had a very charmed life because my mother bent over backward and gave me every possible opportunity. I went to private school from kindergarten through 12th grade. I went to sleepover camp twice, which isn’t cheap. I had ballet and piano lessons. I was in the angel choir and the Brownies. She exposed me to everything. We went on outings to museums, the salt mines in Syracuse, the world fair here in New York City. She made sure I was a member of the library and exposed me to classical music, even though I didn’t want to hear it. It was full and rich.

But with all this goodness she was trying to anoint me with, I was pushing back and being this seriously rebellious soul. Even though she was spending her hard-earned money to send me to a good school, I wasn’t doing the hard work. I actually failed the fifth grade, which should not have been the case. Unfortunately, when you serve a child a negative and continue to reinforce it, then they’re going to act out by becoming that negative thing. I can remember being told I was stupid by teachers because I was the only black student in my classes, so I bought into that. There was that expectation that we weren’t that bright anyway, and they were in charge, so I thought it must be so.

I moved to D.C. and became a picture framer in my early twenties. My skillset was the level of a secretary or a receptionist. And I had ensured that I wasn’t going to college: When I graduated high school, I was such a poor student that they gave me a D+ rather than fail me because they didn’t want me to come back.

I began to find myself through picture-framing in the early 70s. By the time I learned enough about framing, I was running an entire retail store. There were things that people brought in that I had no clue how to frame, so I designed it myself and figured it out. I became an engineer. When I was in school, my worst subject was math. But through framing, I realized that I wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. The skills I had learned served me very well. I also understood filing systems and details. I became more confident in my abilities.

On deciding to pursue acting

I went to Atlanta and opened my own shop in ’87, on my birthday. I was trying to put distance between my mother and me. She was strict, to say the least. She really kept her foot on my neck and I wanted some breathing room. But as fate would have it, as we both began to age, I realized that not only did I want to change careers, but I needed to be close to my mom. So I decided to move back to New York in ’96 and pursue a career in acting. I think acting has always been it for me, but I was just never able to wrap my mind around it. Whenever I saw other people perform, I felt like God had come and left without me. It should have been me up there, not sitting in the audience.

Because once you leave New York, you better be damn certain that you don’t want to come back—it’s too tough.

When I got back to New York City, I applied for a scholarship and auditioned for the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. But, you know, scholarships don’t give you money for housing and food. So I was only able to stay for the first term. But it was okay because the whole purpose of that exercise was getting me back in the city. Because once you leave New York, you better be damn certain that you don’t want to come back—it’s too tough. If you’re solid in New York, never let it go! Luckily, I was shopping in some store and a woman heard me talking and liked my voice. She cast me in a BMW commercial right there and then.

At 70, I consider myself to be extremely fortunate. Twenty-five years ago, when my mother was 70, there were not options for women the way that there are now. That ageism ceiling? I’m actually watching it begin to break apart. When I go on Instagram now, I see women of a certain age who are out there kicking ass and taking names. I have earned every single one of these years.

On making peace with her mother

I’m a strong believer in things happening for a simple and finite reason, and they happen in the time that they’re meant to happen. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. My mom died at 95. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and dementia in 2014. I knew that the arc of her life was on the decline. I had begun to pray for my mother’s demise because she was suffering. She had two knees replaced, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had a hip replaced, she had cataracts in both eyes. But the event that really impacted me the most over the last decade was my mother’s death.

When she was diagnosed, the first thing I had to accept was: This is not about me, this is about her. A history of contention between us was no longer important. I forgave her for everything so that I could be there for her the same way she would have been there for me. To get that message was huge. You see, a lot of the times I didn’t like my mother. She got on my last nerve. But now I was advocating for her 100%. I came to realize that we loved each other dearly. The entire reason we had all this angst between us was that we were so much alike. Two strong independent women who were not willing to give an inch.

If you’re willing to learn and grow, you can peel apart every negative and find out where that stream of light is that brings the positive.

In the past 10 years, I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t accept negatives. I don’t want to hear them. If you’re willing to learn and grow, you can peel apart every negative and find out where that stream of light is that brings the positive. Because it’s there, somewhere. Ever since she died, I’ve been blown away by the things that have happened that I’m sure my mother had something to do with. I have been busier in the last year than I’ve been in the last 19. Last month, I had three auditions in one day. That’s never happened to me before!

On her hopes and dreams for the next decade

In 2020, I’m hoping to get that first invitation to the Oscars so I can go ahead and wear that red dress. And I hope the decade will represent clear vision in the world. I think we, as patriots, have to find a way to push back against these good old boys who are running the country. The playing field has to be leveled. The truth is, I’m well below the poverty line, but the system is designed to tell people no and push them back. I worry that we live in a time that lacks such morality and ethical behavior that we’re willing to destroy the country for selfish greed. I’m praying that we begin to prioritize the legacy that we’re responsible for. The baton doesn’t get handed forward—it gets handed back.

Pursue your passions. Whatever you put out into the universe is exactly what the universe hands back to you. It’s constantly conspiring on our behalf. It wants us to be happy, whole, and fulfilled. Whatever your truth is, hold onto it. Name it and claim it.

Photos by Makeda Sandford.

The post 3 Older Women on the Most Important Lessons They Learned Later in Life appeared first on Man Repeller.

3 Tricks for Making Clothes You Already Have Look Festive

On a recent Saturday night, I was standing in front of my closet trying to decide what to wear to a holiday party, ever so slightly vexed that all my winter clothes and shoes seemed to emanate an air of practicality. My aversion toward high heels means that I own not a single pair of sparkly pumps, and any dress I have that could be described as “fun!” is cotton, sleeveless, often floral, and indisputably designed for summertime. I’m loath to invest in fanciful winter items because the season in which they’re appropriate (a.k.a. holiday party season, which is essentially six weeks out of the year) is so short. However–and this is a big however–it’s simultaneously one of the MOST EXCITING periods during which to get dressed. So what’s a gal who tries to be thoughtful about cost-per-wear on new wardrobe additions but yearns to dress like a human present supposed to do!?

I challenged myself to answer that question with another question: What are some easy tricks for making clothes you already have look festive? Below is a visual illustration of some ideas I came up with, if you’d like to join me in testing them out, plus three holiday party outfit ideas to go along with them.

Trick #1: Festoon Yourself With a Festive Collar

If you type “removable lace collar” into the search box on Etsy, you will be rewarded with multiple pages of neck doily delights, befitting of the finest royal baby at their christening even though most are under $20. The idea of doing so in the first place came to me when I happened upon this photo of Princess Diana and promptly thought to myself, now that’s festive. Then I spent nearly an hour Googling black dresses with lace collars until I realized I was missing the point, the point being that the collar–not the dress–was the source of this outfit’s festiveness. Get your hands on one of those, and you’ll have yourself an instant oatmeal recipe for party-ready attire, even if the things you’re wearing it with are as winter-basic as jeans and a sweater.

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Trick #2: Swap Out Your Regular Cardigan Buttons for ~Sparkly~ Cardigan Buttons

I actually stole this trick from my mom, whose recent response to falling in love with a Miu Miu cardigan featuring sparkly rhinestone buttons was not to buy said cardigan (its price was prohibitive), but rather to order a pack of sparkly rhinestone buttons for $10 and sew them onto a sweater she already owned. The result was a garment that practically smelled like eggnog it was so freaking festive, plus the bonus satisfaction of making an old item of clothing feel brand new.

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Trick #3: Add Suspenders and Stir

Now that I know you can snag a pair of black suspenders for $7 and attach them to ANY PAIR OF PANTS makes the fact that I have yet to wear some to a winter soirée sting with ludicrousness. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on the opportunity to look so dapper it might make your eyeballs itch, truly, but this is the season I’ll correct that grave error. Catch me bouncing my suspended knees to the tune of “Jingle Bell Rock” in T-minus eight days, dazzling my family members with a new and improved definition of holiday zest.

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8 PHOTOS
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Photographer: Sabrina Santiago

Stylist: Harling Ross

Market:  Elizabeth Tamkin

Model: Galaxia Lorenzo at The Industry

Makeup Artist: Maggie Mondanile

Hair: Paula Muniz

The post 3 Tricks for Making Clothes You Already Have Look Festive appeared first on Man Repeller.

What Presents Do Teens Really, Really Want This Year?

Buying the perfect gift for anyone is a project, but you’re aiming at a moving target when you’re buying for a teen. That’s why we surveyed hundreds of them via Instagram, to find out what’s at the top of their lists, what’s at the bottom of their lists (also important!), and which beauty, fashion, and tech brands everyone’s obsessing over this year.

The “It Gifts” of 2019 Are…

The most common answer to our question about what teens actually want for Christmas was, well, anything from Glossier. Many teens wanted Solution, while others asked for Balm Dot Com or eye makeup. (Paula’s Choice was the most popular skincare after Glossier.) Elsewhere in the beauty department: one teen desires a jade roller, while another asked for a gua sha tool. Shoes were a big obsession too, with the most coveted brands being Dr Martens, Converse, and Vejas. Outdoor Voices has a lot of teen love as well, especially the Exercise Dress and Megafleece.

“Everyone wants a vintage f***ing camera.”

 

Other respondents mentioned the iPhone 11, Nike Air Force 1s, weighted blankets, and Harry Styles tickets, while one teen complained that “everyone wants a vintage f***ing camera.” A couple teens also mentioned hoping for a subscription to the New York Times Crossword Puzzle, and a few others said they desire jewelry from Mejuri. Of note: Many teens agreed that AirPods were the It Gift of 2018, and will probably remain high on their lists this year.

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What They Want for Their Bookshelves:

Nothing Fancy by Alison Roman

Little Weirds by Jenny Slate

Fleabag: The Scriptures by Phoebe Waller-Bridge

White Girls by Hilton Als

Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino

How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

Find Me by Andre Aciman

Notes on a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig

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Gifts for Friends Are Handmade and Personal

Some teens keep gifting limited to immediate family only, while others try to do little gifts for close friends. Many said they do a gift exchange or secret Santa with their friend groups. Homemade gifts like cards or cookies are easy to give more widely. As one teen put it: “I try to thrift interesting gifts for as many people in my life as possible. I’m really into making art for people. My friends really like when I paint memes for them.”

Crush gifts do not pass the vibe check.

We also heard from a teen who said gift exchanges aren’t a big part of her family’s culture. “My family don’t really buy gifts. We’re a Singaporean Chinese family, and I think the way we celebrate Christmas is very different from how Americans usually do,” they said. “Mostly I just buy them for my closest friends and whoever I happen to be seeing romantically at that time.”

Crushes Are *Not* on the Holiday Shopping List

For most of the teens we talked to, buying a gift for a crush is a no-go. In the words of one eloquent teen: “Crush gifts do not pass the vibe check.” (Sound off in the comments if you’d like me to ask the teens what a “vibe check” is in next month’s column.)

Many teens said they would buy a gift for a boyfriend or girlfriend, including one who revealed she was planning to give her boyfriend some skincare items because he only knows about face wash and acne cream. A few respondents said that a gift that contains an inside joke or callback is especially nice for a partner, while another said, “I’m the only gift they should need.”

I sold [my Justin Bieber] tickets and bought an electric guitar instead.
Guess Where They Scope Out Gifts?

Most teens found the things they want on social media. Some specified that they looked at influencer gift lists, while others shouted out individual YouTubers like Emma Chamberlain. One teen, who’s asking for Clarks Wallabees, cited her dad as a style icon. A few proud teens described doing some real-life window shopping to find gifts, and others said they were influenced by friends.

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The Best (and Worst) Gifts They’ve Ever Gotten:

A large portion of the Gen Z-ers we talked to mentioned experiential gifts as their favorites. Sometimes the experiences were trips or meals, but a lot of them were concerts—Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, and Rihanna. “The best gift I ever received was Justin Bieber tickets when I was 11,” recounted one teen. “But then I stopped liking him by the time the concert came around, so I sold the ticket and bought an electric guitar instead (a cream white Fender).”

Other favorites were pets as gifts, and gifts that had stories behind them. Two different teens said their favorite gift ever was a KitchenAid stand mixer (???). Some of the bad gifts described were joke gifts, which several of teens saw as boring or wasteful. Others were gifts that seemed impersonal, like a pair of earrings for a teen who didn’t have her ears pierced.

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How They Get Into the Holiday Spirit:

Lots of teens talked about how much they love Christmas music, and many waxed poetic about watching Elf. Several talked about seeing family, putting up decorations, ice skating, and lighting seasonally scented candles. A few mentioned eggnog and Christmas cookies. One teen said that the way they get into the Christmas spirit is by “putting extra effort into making plans with friends.” The number one way to get into the Christmas spirit? Two words, one magnificent woman: Mariah Carey.

Graphics by Lorenza Centi.

The post What Presents Do Teens Really, Really Want This Year? appeared first on Man Repeller.

Leandra and Harling Try to Figure Out Which Gifts to Get Their Partners

What Would You Wear With This?, heir to the throne of Should I Buy This? , is a monthly conversation between Leandra and Harling about the contents of their online shopping carts and the potential outfits that lie within. Come for the clothes, stay for the feelings.

On Tue, Dec 3, 2019 at 10:08 AM Leandra wrote:

What’re you getting Austin for the holidays? I am uniquely unskilled at giving gifts to Abie. I’ve never been good at getting stuff for guys, which is weird given that I have three brothers. Do you have, like, a formula that helps you figure out what to get for Austin?

On Tue, Dec 3, 2019 at 11:04 AM Harling wrote:

Does Abie shop a lot for himself? Austin rarely does, except to buy something he really *needs* and in that case it’s usually a carbon copy replacement of something that has worn out after many uses. Ergo, when I’m brainstorming gift ideas for him, I try to think of things that ascribe to the following criteria:

1. Something he doesn’t necessarily need (because he has that area pretty much covered) but might want and/or enjoy in ways that extend beyond simple functionality

2. Something that I would personally take pleasure in seeing him use and/or wear often (the selfish part of the selflessness that is gift-giving?)

One of my best “hits” in the gift arena to-date that checks both of these boxes was a pair of shearling-lined suede slippers, which are a significantly softer and more aesthetically-pleasing upgrade from the college-era moccasins he used to wear. Another good one was a nice-looking raincoat. This Christmas, I’m looking to make a similar kind of upgrade vis-a-vis the sweatpant joggers that he always wears on airplanes. I don’t love the ones he currently has because they have a weird zipper in the back and a huge logo on the front. They put too much emphasis on the ath element in athleisure and I want to get him an alternative option that feels… dapper? stylish?… in addition to comfortable, thus fulfilling both points of criteria because he (conceivably) wants to look good and feel good and I love to witness these objectives come to fruition together. Few things are more satisfying than airport attire that can do both.

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Joggers I’m eyeing include: these from Aime Leon Dore (I’m planning to stop by the store to check them out in person sometime this week) and these from Outdoor Voices.

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What are you thinking about for Abie? You could always ask Madelaur to make him a pasta necklace.

On Tue, Dec 3, 2019 at 4:23 PM Leandra wrote:

Oh that’s a smart strategy! Get him a thing within a category you know he uses, but make it a more enhanced version of that thing.

Abie is just so specific about his STUFF. I hated this pair of Rag and Bone sneaker-boot-things that he used to wear, so I got him a navy blue suede pair from a fancy store on the Upper East Side to replace them, but they were half a size too big and he is such a stickler for comfort which is honestly an experience I cannot empathize with so he never wears them. He mostly wears an Outdoor Voices fleece with joggers (actually the ones you sent) and Spalwart sneakers now. I wish he’d wear skinny khakis, brown suede monk straps, and cable-knit crewnecks. That seems like a far stretch from his current fare, but maybe a good in-between could still apply the joggers, modify the fleece to, like, a cardigan a la this.

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And I’m into these too!

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If I were shopping for Abie as if he were me, I’d get this cardigan.

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And this colorway in the sneakers.

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Will Austin basically wear whatever you get him? The best gift I ever gave to Abie was a theragun for his birthday last year but in hindsight, it probably wasn’t that good a gift because he never uses it anymore….

Maybe I should just draw up like… a certificate credit for him to use the next time I have a nervous breakdown that gets him out of psychological jail free.

What are good like, non-fashion things to get a guy?

On Wed, Dec 4, 2019 at 4:23 PM Harling wrote:

Honestly IDK if Austin would wear whatever I got him because, now that I think about it, I have yet to fully test the boundaries. I would love it if he wore these sneakers with these socks, but proposing that might be the equivalent of asking him to consume ashwaganda powder: not particularly in-character. And that’s the other tricky thing about gifting!!!! Especially to a partner I think, because it’s kind of made out to be a physical manifestation of how well you understand them… right? Which is absurd, since some people are simply better at gift-giving than others and therefore more adept at expressing their understanding of partners/friends/fam in that particular way. I guess that’s why it’s a love language.

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Potentially viable non-fashion ideas I’m percolating on are: a non-boring cup for desk pens, a chic humidifier, and a facial (fairly sure Austin would love if he tried but likely wouldn’t take the initiative himself so this is a humdinger option according to my aforementioned criteria). I’ve always wanted to be the type of person who is good at coming up with “experiential” gifts like concert tickets or trapeze lessons but have yet to assume this elusive identity.

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Do you and your brothers exchange gifts? I have zero brothers so zero experience in that particular man-gift arena (actually, my sisters and I usually tell each other what we want with great specificity, which is kind of funny), but I’m very seriously considering getting this absurd contraption for my dad.

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On Wed, Dec 4, 2019 at 5:00 PM Leandra wrote:

We don’t celebrate Christmas, so gift giving is mostly in the context of birthdays, and historically I haven’t given my brothers stuff, even though my oldest brother would be easy to shop for. He has such a distinct sense of style that is hard to miss–could basically get him anything from John Elliot or Aime Leon Dore and he’d be thrilled. I just did a quick Mr. Porter scan and this hoodie has his name all over it.

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My two younger brothers are less communicative both visually and verbally about the material things they desire, so I’d be at a loss on what to give them. Though now that I think about it, I wonder if that just means I’m being lazy about actually evaluating what I know about them and their interests and using that information to suggest a gift. Overall, tho, I feel like family gift-giving has less pressure on it. With your significant other, particularly in the beginning, I feel like there’s so much pressure on getting it right because of the assumption that it indicates how well you know your person, though I’d argue that’s a flaky theory.

Do you remember the first thing you ever bought for Austin? I’m trying to think of the first thing I gave Abie and I think it was a tie, which was probably my mom’s idea, and timed with his first job offer. In hindsight it was so, so stupid because… is anyone ever excited to get a tie? Even if you need one! I also got him an orchid as a housewarming when he moved into his first apartment. He broke up with me the night I set it on his windowsill. Maybe my theory’s not that flaky….

On Thu, Dec 5, 2019 at 2:04 PM Harling wrote:

All roads lead to Rome = all lack of good guy gift ideas lead to a tie. That was the first gift I ever gave Austin, too. We were in ninth grade. It was navy with sailboats. I’m going to check his tie rack tonight to see if he still has it.

The pressure is def more acute in the beginning, even beyond tangibly demonstrating your understanding of the other person, because at that point it can also be a tangible measure of how serious you think the relationship is. And mismatched reads can easily occur—I remember one of my friends telling me that she got her boyfriend a really nice pair of loafers the first Christmas they were together and he got her a gag gift (‘Football for Dummies’). What do you think the perfect “I know we only recently started dating but it’s the holiday season and I like you” gift for a guy is? Should there be a rubric for this too?

Dating 1 month: a book of funny essays (good source of potential inside jokes)

Dating 3 months: a monogrammed airpod case (personal, but only in the most literal sense)

Dating 6 months: a vintage travel poster (from one of his favorite cities, or maybe somewhere you’ve talked about going together)

Dating 1 year: a couple’s mitten (JK, but I’m thrilled this is a thing that exists)

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On Thu, Dec 5, 2019 at 2:52 PM Leandra wrote:

I’d say go broader —

Dating 1 month: A personal joke/gag gift—coming to mind is the DVD of Along Came Polly that Abie bought for me when we were dating because we both loved it (IRL I’m Jen, he’s Ben). This sets you up for a hopeful future because it’s the first inkling that you’re starting to get each other.

Dating 3 months: A useful gift—kind of like that airpod case if you know he often loses them or, like, a set of pillows if they often complain about neck pain and shit.

Dating 6 months: An experience—you’ve been together long enough that you know you like to spend time together, now do it on steroids. This could be a fancy dinner or off-Broadway show if you’re more old fashioned and won’t travel together until later into the relationship (which I wouldn’t, but mostly because I couldn’t). If you have enough $$, doing a one-night staycation at a good hotel + multiple room service meals is cozy AF and tbh probably leads to v good $ex.

Dating one year: An engagement ring for yourself. Are you fucking kidding me!? You have been the best and most thoughtful partner through all the gift milestones. It’s the least you can do.

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I’ve picked some unconventional pearls (pun both intended and not).

This enamel ring

This silver band

This gold ring (but you gotta get two)

And this $100 cocktail ring.

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What’s the best thing you’ve ever given Austin? I actually don’t think I feel uniquely good about anything I’ve given to Abie!! Though now that we’re talking about this, I have grand plans for his 35th!

On Mon, Dec 9, 2019 at 6:02 PM Harling wrote:

Honestly, I thought those slippers I linked earlier were the best thing I’ve ever given him because he tells me how much he likes them all the time, but now that I’m thinking about it I’m like, really? That’s all I have to show for myself 16 years into a relationship? Slippers? Idk.

I was in the midst of a lengthy subway ride over the weekend, apparently my preferred environment for potentially questionable navel-gazing, when I had a thought that instead of buying him something for Christmas this year I should write him a love letter. Have you ever written someone a love letter?? I haven’t really, unless you count the one I wrote to my parents when they let me take a semester off from college to live at home because I was having a rough time, so I feel like it could be a ripe idea in terms of a gift that is free but also pricele$s, if you know what I mean. It’s also possible I’m just projecting my own desire to receive a love letter, which I never have (this is not a hint, just the truth, but maybe I’ll combine the gift of a love letter with the gift of nice stationery to plant the seed for a response).

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Also, as I’ve been typing this, a memory just resuscitated from third grade when my class did a class-wide Secret Santa, and the girl who had me cleaned out and organized the contents of my desk because she knew I was the type of person who hated doing that whereas she was the type who gets high off of Kondo-ing stuff. And I remember being DEEPLY TOUCHED, not to mention thrilled that I could actually see everything in my desk for the first time in months. So that made me think that doing something for a partner that you love doing but they dislike doing or aren’t as good at doing could be a fun gift idea, too. Like cooking them dinner, or shining all their shoes, or arranging some kind of self-care appointment on their behalf. I recently made Austin a dentist appointment and though that wasn’t his actual Christmas gift it was extremely romantic, if you ask me.

Back to stuff for a sec though: I just came across this witty shaving cream and felt an urge to PSA it as a gift idea for sand papery paramours whose make-out calling cards are beard burn.

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On Tue, Dec 10, 2019 at 10:31 AM Leandra wrote:

Woah, woah, woah, you can’t just drop that semester off school bomb and not elaborate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have never received a love letter either. Have always wanted a speech made on my behalf, but have similarly never received one of those. As I get older it becomes clearer that when you want something no one will give you, you have to go and get it yourself, and thus to that point it is time to write yourself a love letter, Harling Ross. Also becoming clearer with age: it is the thought that counts. Your secret Santa gift sounds like exactly the kind of gesture that sticks. Last year I publicly recommended getting your busiest friend two glasses, a bottle of wine (but now that we’re in the era of sober-curiosity, maybe I meant Seedlip, or, if you’re committed to being medium, the artist formerly known as moderate in 2020, Haus–“the Warby Parker of aperitif”) and a block on their calendar. Amelia did that for me and it was my favorite 30th birthday gift.

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Feel like our parents’ generation truly was all about the STUFF. Diamonds represent commitment! Jewelry IS the thought that counts! And I know I’m just reiterating what the market has been reflecting for a while now, but that really has changed, huh? But in the interest of being medium, I do like the thought of a gesture that comes with a physical talisman, if only because it serves a signal to remind you of the former. To that point, how about this to accompany a note to Austin every day for the first half of 2020 with the caveat that he reciprocates for the second half?

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Now back to that year off school, HARLING.

On Tue, Dec 10, 2019 at 1:46 PM Harling wrote:

Oops, I’m about to REALLY derail this convo about gifts for partners… because the school thing is rather somber and not at all gift-related… but the reason it came to mind is probably because I’ve been thinking a lot about that time in my life recently, for whatever reason things in our past choose to booby trap the present. I don’t talk about my semester off much–not because I’m hiding it, but because it was so long ago and it doesn’t really come up. Except in conversations about holiday gifting, I guess!!!

Anyway, I started college unwell but pretending everything was fine because that seems to be my default coping mechanism, for better or for worse. I had an eating disorder that eventually linked elbows with a bad case of depression since it was impeding my social life to such a significant extent, and that combination became unbearable at a certain point in the middle of my sophomore year, so I took a medical leave and lived at home with my parents for the rest of the semester while I got treatment (hence my love letter thanking them). I went back to school the following semester in better mental shape, but the whole thing still reverberated throughout my college experience in ways that remain tender whenever I think about them. I feel like I was robbed of a lot of the experiences I wanted and imagined, and the only thief I can really blame is myself.

Like I said, kind of somber relative to holiday gifting, but I’m pretty sure the worst years of our lives are the ones that manufacture our greatest reserves of empathy. Maybe writing that down is my self-penned love letter for today.

That gift c/o Amelia is genius. My friend made a very low-key dinner reservation for just the two of us a few days before my bday last year and surprised me by footing the bill. It was my favorite gift. I do think our generation cares less about STUFF and more about quality time (sushi making class, anyone??) and/or words of affirmation (let’s restore the good name of romantic Post-It notes post-SATC season 6 episode 7). Do you think it’s because social media has placed more of a premium on those things, particularly the quality time piece, because time is more valuable than ever now? Could be a cynical take, but I don’t necessarily think our generation is less materialistic, just that the nature of the material we covet has changed. I still think you should get Abie these monk strap shoes, though.

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On Tue, Dec 10, 2019 at 4:41 PM Leandra wrote:

I’ll never forget the stunning essay you wrote a couple years ago but had no idea you’d gone home for treatment mid-school year in college. I’ve oscillated between both sides of the spectrum–under and over-eating, using food as a coping mechanism or a tool when I’ve either pursued an escape or needed to feel further grounded.

The irony of my tango with any of it is that I think pregnancy actually kind of healed, or put to rest, a lot of my wrestle with self-worth and the ways I am prone to use escapism (I couldn’t drink and could barely have coffee) to avoid confronting it. It sounds so expected, even eye-rolly, but the pregnancy forced me to take care of myself in a way I didn’t even realize I wasn’t taking care prior. My body would just like reject the physical sensation of feeling either too full or too hungry. Its demanding a sort of steadiness through balance in order to function at a basic contributing-human level taught me about a) how extreme I can be, b) the real definition of self-care. Not to mention, I existed for a purpose that seemed far greater than myself, although to the point about self-care comes one about self-love: There is no purpose greater than the sum of ourselves, and that–you, me, everyone–is the reason we must fight to be good to ourselves. Beginning to understand this on a cellular level was wildly freeing.

I say irony re: my tango, by the way, because I lost A TON of weight following my pregnancy. My thyroid was all over the place, breastfeeding sucked the daylights out of me, and the internet body-shamed the shit out of me when I was in the heat of that thinness. It was the first time in a long time that I actually felt super solid and steady and in love with my life and self and it sucked that an old story was being projected onto me. I never wanted to talk about it publicly because to do that seemed to validate it, but I felt somewhat violated. Like I’d lost my permission to be happy. Or something. When you are public with your life, you open yourself up to criticism and feedback and on most days, I marvel in this feedback — taking it, evaluating it, learning from it, all of that equates to growth.

There’s no but here.

So maybe the lesson of that period was to examine the cheap thrill of “bouncing back” into a body I never possessed in the first place; having all my clothes swimming around me instead of supporting me. Maybe I would have luxuriated in that body if it had not been for the criticism from commenters. I like to think I have more agency and moral conviction than allowing an anonymous opinion to upend my mode of operating, but you never know.

I’m still super thin–10 pounds heavier since thyroid stuff regulated, but still a couple pounds lighter than I used to be. Recently I resolved that I’d put effort in putting it back on. It shouldn’t take long, it’s like 4 pounds. And who knows, maybe new complexities will surface and I’ll have a whole old-but-new triptych of learning to share. This time with the wisdom of 3 decades behind me, two kids ahead of me and a body I really enjoy.

In the end, I think this is the best our gift guide could have given.

I just wish I wasn’t so damn earnest all the time.

Feature photo by Alistar Matthews, Prop Styling by Sara Schipani, Art Direction by Lorenza Centi.

The post Leandra and Harling Try to Figure Out Which Gifts to Get Their Partners appeared first on Man Repeller.

These Are the Best Holiday Movies, According to the MR Community

The first holiday season I spent in New York away from my family in Australia, I decided to send out Christmas cards. Eager to make it feel ceremonious, I sat cross-legged in front of my coffee table, lit an obnoxiously strong mistletoe-scented Yankee candle, plugged in the twinkle lights wrapped around my Christmas tree, and pressed play on The Santa Clause. The following year, I repeated this routine with a new set of cards and even more twinkle lights. And last weekend, I repeated it again—same candle, same coffee table, same holiday movie. I figure, if I can’t take part in the tradition of spending the holidays with family, it’s nice to have a new tradition to look forward to.

Most people have a handful of holiday movies that feel explicitly theirs. (Other than The Santa Clause, mine are Elf, The Grinch, and most recently, I’ll Be Home For Christmas.) This genre of film (yes, film) are deeply corny and embarrassing, but they’re so easy to love, fueling nostalgia and blind festivity. Curious about which holiday movies were most loved by MR readers, we asked for recommendations on the site and on Instagram. Below are the most (and least) recommended—go forth see how your fave fared, feel validated about your holiday viewing choices, or find something new to bring into your December rotation. Save this infographic to your phone, share it with others, and if you prefer your movie recs in Google Docs look no further than right here.

Photos via Everett Collection, Graphic by Lorenza Centi.

The post These Are the Best Holiday Movies, According to the MR Community appeared first on Man Repeller.

Your Emotional Secret Weapon, According to the Zodiac

While it’s tempting to write off the more difficult aspects of being alive as merely a price to pay, even the worst feelings can serve a purpose. They can catalyze an opportunity for healing and self-preservation, or call attention to things that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. They are ruthless but necessary. And different signs are better suited than others to capitalizing on their unique potential. For instance, Cancers understand how to harness their fear for self-preservation, while Scorpios can spin gold from jealousy. While these aren’t emotional states any of us want to indulge in or prolong, we’d be wise to appreciate their rightful place in our greater psychic ecosystem. Which is why, to cap off a year filled with myriad challenges, I’m offering a little guidance below as to which challenging emotions each sign is poised to make good use of next year.

Aries: Anger

Unlike the Hulk, an Aries can still be extremely likable when angry. You’re ruled by Mars, the god of war, so it makes sense that, for you, getting fired up is often more exciting than exhausting. Anger is actionable, and you get off on making things happen. Saying yes or no to something with the full force of your intent is satisfying, and the state of your rage can help you cut through the paralyzing indecision that can dog others. Anger is a bath of ice water, a screaming alarm clock, a tick tick tick that demands your immediate and total focus. When you’re pissed, you’re fully present in a way that can be healing and cathartic. It’s an adrenaline wave you can ride to enlightenment… at least until you fall asleep.

Taurus: Neediness

You bulls play it cool on the surface but, deep down, you need your things and your people, and that’s just how it’s got to be. You’re a possessive sign, and while you don’t need the whole world, you do need your own corner of it. If that’s a little suffocating for your friends and family and even yourself, then so be it. However uncomfortable it is to sustain the intensity of your attachments, that unusually high level of commitment strengthens the fibers of your connections enough to withstand the vicissitudes of life—marriages, kids, job moves, relocations, religious awakenings (and slumbers), divorces, illness, loss, and more. None of that stands any chance against your ability to put in the work decade after decade to preserve the stability of your life. Because you need it that way.

Gemini: Anxiety

The frenetic Geminian mind can process more stimuli than most without overheating, meaning that for the twins, an anxious system is still a functioning one. You’re happiest when you’re learning something new, which means you’re continually transforming—moving from ignorance to knowledge. And with frequent change comes attendant feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. It’s hard to exist in a prolonged state of nervousness, but the engine of your curiosity and appetite for mental occupation has more horsepower than other signs. Although you will need to rest your fluttering wings from time to time, you’re somewhat at peace with a certain amount of baseline tension—it keeps things interesting, at least.

Cancer: Fear

Cancers are the most fearful signs in the zodiac, and being in touch with what scares you is an incredibly difficult thing for most people to sit with. But the function of fear is essential to keeping you safe. It tells you not only what is actually dangerous—steep cliffs, hornets nests, people who are too charming—but what may present a unique threat to you based on your personal boundaries. And that enables you to effectively weed out the bad ones, to the envy of those around you with a more lax emotional security detail. A Cancer’s primary objective is to keep your home (however you define it) a safe, warm, and welcoming utopia amid the chaos of the rest of the world. Your steel walls shield you from all manner of cold and harsh winds (and sweet-talking interlopers), which enables you to stay soft and cuddly to your people on the inside.

Leo: Pride

You’re famous for your pride, Leo, and when you’re confronting a blow to your ego, the indignance and how-dare-they-ness of it all could not be more magnified. Why would anyone even want to hurt me? you may ask yourself. That may sound like a self-centered question, but you’re unusually capable of deep self-reflection. The moral hazard of excessive pride is awarding it before it has been earned, but Leonine pride is all about asking yourself who you are and what you’re made of before you congratulate yourself. When you dig into why something hurt you, you’re also just as likely to uncover—and investigate—your own hidden values and wants. In other words, you wield your egotism for self-improvement rather than stagnation, because you’re not satisfied to take your own side until you’re sure you’re right. Then you’re cleared to pop off and roar.

Virgo: Disgust

The slimy feeling of disgust is an unpleasant one to be sure, and Virgos, you probably experience it multiple times more each day than your fellow astrological denizens. But though its obvious function is to keep you clean—which you appreciate, welcome, and celebrate—it works even harder on your behalf. Your heightened sense of nausea helps you sniff out individuals and situations that are out of sync with your ethics and values. As the most in-the-weeds, detail-oriented sign in the zodiac, it can be dangerously easy for you to miss the forest. But your highly reactive abdominal pit will tell you right away, in the clearest of terms, when someone or something is an absolute no.

Libra: Lovesickness

It’s not advisable to ruminate too long in romantic angst or longing. Unless you’re a Libra, in which case the universe gives you a bit of a pass. As the sign of partnership in all its forms, you’re naturally perked for opportunities to connect with others. When you fall for someone, even if the relationship is complicated, your feelings are usually fairly pure and simple: you just really love them! Even when unrequited, your capacity for desire can be a really fertile psychic space for you to explore what you like about yourself, since what we love does mirror back to us our own values, tastes, proclivities, seductions, and so forth. You’re like the opposite of Narcissus, who couldn’t incubate affection for anyone but himself. For you, the opportunity to fall in love with others is a window into loving yourself—which just so happens to make you more appealing to those around you.

Scorpio: Jealousy

I’m jealous of your ability to harness jealousy for the good, Scorpio. You are the sign of desire, so it’s only natural for you to see things others have and want them for yourself. While most would find this an uncomfortable, destabilizing state to be in; for you it’s a powerful divining tool for sussing out what you really want so you don’t waste time. While it’s never fun to want and not have, it’s worth paying attention to exactly what sparks those hot flames of envy. As a fixed water sign, you don’t covet things indiscriminately—in fact, you’re fairly discerning about where you place your energy. So when you feel incensed that someone gets a job or accolade you never considered pursuing before, that’s a cue to yourself that maybe that’s really a thing you want, independently of that other person. And while you can’t stop someone else from achieving their goals, you can absolutely use your feelings about them to realize your own.

Sagittarius: Carelessness

As the centaurs of the zodiac, you’re one to spiritually (and physically) clomp indiscriminately through your life guided only by caprice and the direction of the wind. You answer to no one when it comes to pursuing what makes you happy, which can frustrate anyone who might be implicated in the inevitable clean-up. But your tendency to act without worrying about consequences isn’t simply the shenanigans of a rascal (though it absolutely can be that, too)—it’s you being fully present in the moment you’re in, and not worrying about the future. The earnest and singular pursuit of joy is a noble one, and you’re much more likely to discover gold (literal and figurative) because you aren’t exploring according to someone else’s map. You just get a restless feeling and gallop off into the sunset.

Capricorn: Boredom

Boredom is tough. For some, it’s a more unbearable state of being than deep sadness or hot rage, offering no narrative to get you through the drudgery of it. There’s no drama in it, only the mundanity of the task at hand and the promise of… incremental progress? But you, Capricorn, have a special tolerance for powering through unstimulating tasks if you must because you don’t need to feel like a protagonist while you’re doing something. You can find comfort in getting things done one step at a time, and because you’re not desperate for entertainment, you’re able to calmly assess when boredom is a necessary nuisance in service of a worthy goal or when it’s time to pivot because the journey ahead is not worth the schlep. That saves you a lot of time—which is actually a very exciting outcome!

Aquarius: Loneliness

As the coolest creatures in the zodiac, Aquarians are exceptional at sloughing off quotidien concerns in favor of galactic-scale ideas. The way you think is at least a decade ahead; you’re fatigued by cliches before they’re cliche. All that emotional distance between you and the world as it is now can be lonely. And loneliness is hard to suffer for everyone, but you are somehow, impossibly, at home with the feeling of alienation. It’s not that you’re immune to the loneliness and disconnection—you really get how it feels to be at an odd angle to your social environment. But that’s what makes you able to appreciate and understand all manner of weirdness in others. And by embodying that tolerance, you inspire others to expand their capacity for acceptance as well.

Pisces: Sadness

Sadness is an overwhelming emotion, Pisces, and as a water sign you’re able to weather the tidal waves of disintegration and reconstitution that characterize the feeling of pure grief. No one gets out of it, but not everyone gets through it the way you can. It’s natural for humans to build defenses against the disorientation of sorrow, but the longer we can sit with it, the more quickly we can recover and move forward. You’re a mutable sign, which means you have the psychological flexibility to straddle contradictions and comprehend the incomprehensible. Even when it’s harrowing, destabilizing, and impossible, your ability to simply feel your sadness makes you not only able to heal yourself, but it endows you with the empathy to hold space for others and help them heal as well.

Graphics by Lorenza Centi.

The post Your Emotional Secret Weapon, According to the Zodiac appeared first on Man Repeller.

“Would I Be Comfortable if Anna Saw Me Wearing It?” The Outfit Anatomy of Teen Vogue EIC, Lindsay Peoples Wagner

Welcome to Outfit Anatomy, a series of comprehensive style analyses that aim to break down what we wear by answering questions like: How much did that cost? Where did you find that? Why did you buy it in the first place? Up this week is Lindsay Peoples Wagner, editor-in-chief at Teen Vogue.

The hard thing about dressing as an editor-in-chief, at least for me, has been that I need to dress professionally, but I’m only 29 years old. I don’t want to wear just boring basics—I love color, and having fun with fashion, so my balance has been about finding brands and silhouettes that are easy go-to’s when I need something to wear.

A good example is this outfit. I still love this look but I couldn’t wear it in my current job—if I’m wearing something shorter, I feel like I have to wear loafers, and if I’m wearing something low cut, it’s got to be a maxi dress. It’s exposure in tasteful doses. My general rule is to only wear things that I would be comfortable with Anna (Wintour) seeing me in.

On the day I wore this, I had a ton of meetings. I was going to have several different coffees with advertisers, aka the people who we hope will align with us on financially profitable projects, and then was back in the office for meetings with my staff.

I always gravitate toward pieces that are easy to wear but look weird and interesting.

You won’t find me wearing anything that I have to constantly pull down or fidget with.

That combination boils down to the fact that I need to have some kind of uniform that makes it easy to get dressed in the morning because I always have a million things to do, but I need it to be made up of pieces that have interesting details and catch your eye. So if I’m wearing a simple midi-dress, it’s never going to be a plain black one—it’s going to have some crazy print, or an unexpected boxier fit, and some detail that makes it less pedestrian. I have zero desire to look too polished, so I know I’ve nailed it when it’s something fun I enjoy wearing, but it also does all the things I need it to do for my job. A good example is this tie-dye velvet Proenza dress. You won’t find me wearing anything that I have to constantly pull down or fidget with, or that I can’t meet with executives and go to drinks with friends after work in—just takes too much thought otherwise!

My best friend calls the coat I’m wearing my Prada power coat. It reminds me of a coat Michelle Obama wore years ago, and I had my eye on it for over 6 months, but couldn’t stomach paying thousands of dollars for it. I just kept eyeing it until one blessed day last November, during the midseason sale on Net-a-Porter, when it went down from $3,210 to $600.

The only catch was they didn’t have it in my size so I bought it three sizes too big, but after much group chat debate, I just got it. In the end, I paid an additional $150 to get it tailored and I will tell you, I wear this coat all the time. And get compliments all the time—it makes me feel good. It was probably the best purchase I’ve made in the past few years.

I don’t overspend and am a sale hunter. There’s a ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ air about Instagram, and I’d rather not contribute.

The dress underneath is Rosie Assoulin, who is a friend I love dearly! She really cares about how women feel in her clothing and that joy comes across in everything she makes. I bought this from her site this past summer as soon as I saw her Instagram it. It was around $400, on sale.

I love to look for sales: if it’s something specific, I’ll find a site where I can put an alert on the item to see when it goes on sale. Because I work in fashion, I do get discounts on plenty of things, but that can sometimes fool you into spending more money that you usually would (by, for example, justifying the price by the discount). I don’t have to pay full price for very much in this job, but one thing I do buy at retail are less expensive boots—I don’t believe in spending thousands of dollars on boots. They get dirty and the heels screw up, I’ll get a few from Mango or ASOS and call it a day.

Ironically, the shoes are Aquazurra. But I got them on sale from Farfetch for $225. I have really tried only to buy things that I am confident I’ll wear again. I bought these for the Met Gala last spring and have since worn them a ton. I like high heels because I’m 5″3′, and, to be honest, just don’t like how I look in a lot of flat shoes. I’m a size 8 in clothing and believe my outfits flow better when I can add some height. Not everyone might agree with this, it’s honestly just my thing. I don’t wear stilettos. It’s always a chunky heel or platform. I can’t concentrate if my feet hurt.

For jewelry, I always have on Jennifer Fisher hoops and my wedding rings. The earrings were $350 and while Jennifer has gifted me before, I actually bought this pair. I’m very transparent with people about money and how much I spend on fashion. I don’t come from money and have always worked multiple jobs to pay my bills. I’m proud I can afford nice things, but am diligent about being transparent that I don’t overspend and am a sale hunter. There’s a “keeping up with the Jones” air about Instagram, and I’d rather not contribute. I’ve seen so many people blow their paychecks to look cool for Instagram but in my view, it’s cooler to be a diligent shopper. As told to Leandra Medine.

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Photos by Joshua Aronson. 

The post “Would I Be Comfortable if Anna Saw Me Wearing It?” The Outfit Anatomy of Teen Vogue EIC, Lindsay Peoples Wagner appeared first on Man Repeller.

A Decade in Slang: 13 Trendy Words, Reviewed

As humans become further entrenched in the shared language of the internet, which may or may not be breaking our brains, the speed at which we create and subsequently kill trends will only increase. This is as true of language as it is of memes and tiny sunglasses. But that high turnover also means that what persists stands out—for better or for worse.

So in observance of the end of the 2010s, I’ve broken down 13 of the trendiest, most enduring terms of the decade and decided which ought to stay in the past, which are safe to journey forth, and which should proceed with caution. Please review then add your own submissions below. I’ll be standing by with tender judgement in my heart.

1. Selfie (sel-fē)

A picture of yourself taken by yourself.

Did you see that she posted another selfie with the dog-ear filter? What is this, 2017?

The rise of the “selfie,” Oxford’s word of the year in 2013, was emblematic of a culture obsessed with navel-gazing and self-commodification online. But as time has worn on and we’ve all given up on being humble on the internet, distinguishing between a photo that was taken by you or someone else kind of feels like a doctor’s form asking for your “cell phone” and your “home phone.” It’s a distinction without a difference. Plus, the word is developing a bit of a cultural patina—brands and boomers say it! (The kiss of death.) (Love you, mom.) For that reason, “selfie” is being issued a stern warning—to be employed in the 20s only when absolutely necessary (i.e. “Should we ask someone else to take this or just do a selfie?”).

Verdict: Warned!!!

2. Lol (el-ō-el)

Originally an acronym for “laughing out loud,” today a short-form acknowledgement that something is funny or unserious.

New job is okay but I literally look like Willy Wonka in my new uniform lol

It’s a tale as old as the internet: First something is introduced earnestly, then it’s made fun of, then its used ironically, and finally its used so frequently the irony is lost and this is just who we are now. This applies to things like chunky sneakers, Bhad Bhabie, and of course, “lol.” Despite its rocky reception over the course of the aughts, this acronym, along with its counterpart “lmao,” is so deeply ingrained in our cultural lexicon you can’t help but accept it.

Verdict: Safe lol

3. Self-care (self-ˈker)

All behaviors associated with taking care of one’s self.

I told my therapist I was investing in rare Korean sheet masks as a form of self-care and she laughed at me. Is that allowed?

The self-care movement was born with good intentions. It just wanted us to take care of ourselves instead of crumble under the pressure of modern workloads and sociopolitical instability! But thanks to America’s rugged* brand of capitalism, it soon transformed into a sales pitch for $180-dollar serums and funky orange wines sipped in bathtubs. As a result this term is being issued a big, moist warning par moi, because until popular culture learns the actual definition of self-care, it will continue to represent a money pit and/or alibi for self-indulgence.

*exploitative

Verdict: Cold-pressed warning with a shot of hot water with lemon

4. Yolo (yō-lō)

Acronym for “you only live once.”

Did you see that dad bought a mug from Target that says “yolo so pour me another cup”? Lol…

Sorry Drake, but this word is over. It wasn’t your fault. It was all of our faults.

Verdict: Rejected

5. Bae (bā)

Acronym for “before anyone else”

Bae’s been annoying me lately, think I’m ready for a new snack.

Like many slang words, bae originated in the black community before being appropriated by white people and quickly ruined with poor- and over-use. For this reason I’m issuing it a warning—to be used freely by anyone who feels ownership over it and only as an acronym for “bacon and eggs” by everyone else.

Verdict: Warned

6. I made a thing (ī-mād-ā-thiŋ)

An expression exclusively employed online to announce projects in a self-deprecating manner.

Sooooooo I made a thing. It’s dumb, but I love it. Feel free to check it out or donate to my Patreon. Thanks! Gonna go cry now.

Respectfully, “I made a thing” can perish in Dante’s inferno for eternity. As can its cousins, “I did a thing,” and “I’m doing a thing.” I’ll withhold judgement of those still using these expressions, but I’d be doing us all a disservice if I didn’t forcefully deny their entry into the 2020s. They may have been charming in their (likely) inception on Tumblr in the early 2010s, but they’ve become blaring signals for false internet humility and any further use of them shall be considered a faux pas. If you worked on something and want to share it, own it! Name it! I will check it out!

Verdict: Rejected forever

7. Thirst (thərst)

Any form of desperation, often but not always sexual in nature, often but not always expressed online.

I literally can’t handle his thirst levels I’m about to block!!!

Thirst is so good at communicating something specific—in this case, the multiplicities of online horniness—that you simply cannot reject its entry into the 2020s without sacrificing something important. It also remains mostly unmarred by B&B (brands and boomers), which is why it gets a yes from me.

Verdict: Safe

8. Squad (skwäd)

A tight-knit group of friends that supposedly enjoys each other’s company.

I heard Bhad Bhabie is the newest member of Taylor Swift’s squad.

Although squad may have enjoyed an uncontroversial rise in the hip hop community, as soon as it became the calling card of Taylor Swift, culminating in a 2015 music video wherein all her famous best friends help her defeat an unknowable force using lots of fire and guns, the magic was lost. The term was quickly co-opted by a specific brand of competitive girl (we do ultimately blame the patriarchy) and weaponized to exclude rather than bond, therefore we have no choice but to reject.

Verdict: Rejected for making some people feel good and everyone else feel like shit

9. Ping (piŋ)

A message sent or requested in the workplace.

Going on PTO for the foreseeable future, ping me when I’m dead.

One question: WHY PING??? With loose roots in the IT world and an unconvincing case of onomatopoeia, ping is an unnecessarily jargony stand-in for more specific language, such as “email,” “slack,” or “message.” For the simple reason of unworthy popularity, ping need not join us this coming December 31st as we journey into 2020.

Verdict: Hi just quickly pinging you to let you know this is rejected

10. FOMO (fō-mō)

Acronym for “fear of missing out.”

As an extroverted introvert, the thought of skipping the event gives me FOMO, but the thought of staying home gives me JOMO. What to do????????

When FOMO was first popularized in the early 2010s, I was in awe of its emotional specificity. I kind of still am! There doesn’t currently exist a more efficient way to express the anxiety of everyone having fun without you. That said, the term has on occasion tipped into the realm of overuse—being frequently brandished in advertisements and even inspiring a counter-acronym known as JOMO, which is certainly clever but doesn’t communicate anything different from the over-extended introversion narrative that’s been thriving on Tumblr since the aughts.

Verdict: Warned—necessary until we find a replacement

11. Basic (bāsik)

A derogatory term for someone or something with unexamined or mainstream tastes.

At first I thought she was basic because of her earnest Instagram bio but ultimately she proved me wrong.

Basic went through many lives over the course of the 2010s—from an insult to a joke to a badge of pride back to an insult—which is probably why it’s feeling so tired at this point. I do appreciate its particularity though (how else can you describe a needlepoint pillow that says #GirlBoss?), so its skating by with a warning for occasional necessity. With hope it will die quietly in the 2020s.

Verdict: Warned

12. Personal brand (pərs-nəl-brand)

Human marketing; the oversimplified image or story as projected by someone’s online (and occasionally real-life) presence.

I do like her but her entire personal brand is evangelizing the convenience of jumpsuits.

This term helpfully communicates the way social media has inspired us to treat ourselves as uncomplicated commodities. But it’s traversed a tricky evolution in that it’s become so assimilated into how we perceive other people that we’ve forgotten how insidious it is. So in the hope that we’ll embrace people for their complexity in 2020s, “personal brand” gets a warning, ideally reserved for ironic use, as in, “that video of a horrifying millipede’s cute shadow is my personal brand.”

Verdict: Warned

Lucky 13.