Leandra Medine's Blog, page 57
December 25, 2019
5 People on Why They’re Spending the Holidays Alone
Whether you’re planning to spend the holidays alone this year or have always wondered what it might be like, this story, originally published in December 2017, is the perfect reading material. We’re re-sharing it today in case you need a reminder that celebrating can mean whatever you want it to.
There’s an undeniable stigma attached to the idea of spending the winter holidays alone. It’s reinforced by movies like The Holiday wherein single women lament the prospect of a solo Christmas, general hype around gift-giving, and all the other cultural clichés that seem to tell the same, repetitive story: If you’re alone this time of year, your life is lacking.
Like most stigmas, this one is due for a check-up. I asked five people spending the holidays alone in different parts of the world to share their particular reasons for doing so and what highs and lows they predict will come from the experience. No two answers were the same, and that’s what I love about lifting the hood on a preconceived notion and polishing away the rust of stereotype. The collective gleam underneath almost always tells a different story.
Kasumi Mizoguchi
Kasumi is a 25-year-old sales consultant at a software-as-a-service company in Tokyo.
What holiday(s) are you spending alone, and why?
I’m spending Christmas and New Year’s Eve alone this year. I live in Japan, and Christmas is actually marketed as a “couples” holiday here, so many of my friends spend Christmas with their significant others. It is comparable to Valentine’s Day in the U.S.: an occasion for a romantic dinner for two. You’ll see a lot of “gift guides for your significant other” and date ideas on magazines and TV programs in December. People talk about being single this time of year as something tragic!
Having spent time living in the U.S., my family still celebrates Christmas the American way — presents under the tree, a big homemade dinner and a cake — but because my parents happen to be moving back to the U.S. this month, I’ll be solo. It’s not that big of a deal; in fact, in the past, since Christmas isn’t a public holiday here, I’m used to treating it like any other day.
New Year’s, on the other hand, is a major family holiday in Japan. Everyone spends time with their parents or distant relatives, eats traditional New Year’s food called osechi, pays a visit to the shrine, etc. This year will be my first time spending New Year’s alone.
What are you planning to do?
Not much. Maybe cook myself dinner and read or watch a movie? Get a big thing of mint chocolate chip ice cream? The world is my oyster.
What about the experience do you think will be most challenging?
I doubt I’ll find it challenging. I guess it may seem a bit sad to some people, but Christmas in particular has no significance to me.
What about the experience are you looking forward to?
No stress, no fuss, no nothin’.
Molly Simeone
Molly is a 23-year-old registered nurse who works in a neonatal intensive care unit in Boston.
What holiday(s) are you spending alone, and why?
I’ll be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone. I’m scheduled to work December 23rd-26th. I have worked during the holidays before, but at the time I lived in Connecticut where my family is and was still able to see them and celebrate after my shifts. I’ve moved since, so this year is the first time I will be truly alone. My roommate is also a nurse, but we are working different shifts — when I leave work for the night, she’ll just be clocking in.
What are you planning to do?
I’m working 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We’re having a big potluck and doing Secret Santa at work, which will be fun. My floor really goes all-out for the holidays. It definitely helps to have a “work family” when I can’t be near my actual family.
I don’t have any crazy plans after my shifts. I’ll come home, make dinner, shower and go to bed relatively early — lame, I know! My parents usually buy my sister and me new festive pajamas to wear Christmas Eve. It sounds cheesy, but I’ll probably put on an old pair just to stick with tradition.
What about the experience do you think will be most challenging?
Coming home to an empty apartment. To me, the holidays are about family, and being apart from mine will be hard. I’m sure they will try to FaceTime me into their celebrations, but it’s not the same.
What about the experience are you looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to being present for my patients and their families. While it is hard to work during the holidays, it’s even harder to be a patient in a hospital during this time of year. Since I work with newborn babies, they’ll be celebrating their very first Christmas in the hospital. We will do something special so it feels like Christmas for them, like make a craft with all of their footprints. Some of the babies are small enough that we can fit them in Christmas stockings, so we’ll do that and take a photo for their parents. We’ll also cover their isolettes (newborn infant incubators) with festive holiday quilts.
Julia Knolle
Julia is the 35-year-old co-founder and editor-in-chief of Hey Woman!, a web destination for smart and savvy women based in Berlin.
What holiday(s) are you spending alone, and why?
Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. Growing up, I had to split the day between the homes of my parents, who are separated. Eventually, I convinced them I needed this time to myself to recharge from work. After eight years of doing so, they now understand and fully accept this decision, which makes it way easier for me.
I also don’t subscribe to the tradition of forced gift-giving. There are so many other ways you can express that you care about someone. I occasionally visit my family after Christmas, but I only bring a present if I have a particularly good idea. If not, my homemade sweets will do.
What are you planning to do?
The Friday before Christmas, I plan to celebrate by finally leaving the office (which has been my second home for the last 12 months since I never got a real summer break). I’ll jump straight into my black leggings and ideally avoid wearing normal pants or jeans for the next two weeks, or makeup of any kind.
I have a pile of books begging to be read and a list of TV series I want to watch. I can’t think of anything more luxurious than being able to do yoga or go on a run almost every day of the week, whenever the mood strikes. Plus, I’ll have so much time to prepare healthy food, sleep as much as I please and get back into green tea to replace the slight coffee addiction that has slipped into my daily work routine again. I’m planning to put my phone away and on silent mode as much as possible.
What about the experience do you think will be most challenging?
Since this is my favorite time of the year, there is no challenge in sight.
What about the experience are you looking forward to?
As selfish as it sounds, I’m most excited about focusing on myself. The holidays provide a rare window of time in which I can really do that. Everyone else will be busy skiing, sunbathing or seeing their families, so no one will be offended when I go off the grid. After two weeks of unplugging, I think I will actually look forward to returning to work.
Travis Weaver
Travis is a 27-year-old stylist and designer living in Brooklyn.
What holiday(s) are you spending alone, and why?
I am staying in New York for Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Though I’ve previously spent the holidays apart from my family in Michigan (my boyfriend of seven years is from Australia, so we often go there or Europe for the holidays), this year will be the first time I’m spending them completely alone.
What are you planning to do?
I am planning on sewing my FW18 collection for my brand One DNA. In addition to designing and creating my own clothes, I also have a full-time 9-5 job, so I am taking advantage of the time off to sew. I will probably cook a vegan chili for myself to eat on Christmas Eve and Christmas.
What about the experience do you think will be most challenging?
I am someone who loves to be surrounded by people all the time. It will be challenging to not have human interactions since all my friends will be away, too. I might visit Prospect Park to get outside and see other humans, or maybe I’ll go ice-skating.
Not having a New Year’s Eve kiss will also be a challenge. My boyfriend will be in Australia with his family, so I will not get to physically kiss him, but we plan to FaceTime at midnight to say cheers. This will be our first New Year’s Eve apart since we started dating.
What about the experience are you looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to sewing. It’s my passion, but I don’t always have the time to devote to it during the busy workweek. Every time I sew, I learn something new about my machine.
I also look forward to snacking on all of my favorite foods (specifically chips and salsa, hummus with pita, and oatmeal raisin cookies) and watching TV or movies (Black Mirror is on my list, as is The Killing of a Sacred Deer).
Tiago Valente
Tiago is a 38-year-old multidisciplinary artist and creative director living in New York City.
What holiday(s) are you spending alone, and why?
I’m spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day alone, the perfect occasion to have a lovely date with my inner Grinch. I currently have no plans on the horizon and am therefore open to whatever my Grinchy side might desire. In the past, I’ve always tried to spend the holidays somewhere by the ocean. Part of my family is Brazilian, and I grew up following the Brazilian New Year’s Eve tradition of jumping over seven waves, one straight after the other. It’s a tribute to Yemanjá, the goddess of the sea. For each jump, you are allowed to make one wish for the new year. Even though I won’t be in Brazil this year, I guess the ocean is only a train ride away on the wonderful LIRR!
As a global nomad and researcher, I’ve spent the holidays alone in the past, but I’ve tried to reverse the stigma of doing so by seeking out compelling and memorable creative adventures. I’ve traveled to the middle of the jungle, coexisted with tribal groups, learned how to talk to volcanoes and developed art interventions in some of the world’s most unexpected places. However, this year, I choose to stay in New York City, and it’s just starting to hit me that everyone else will be gone…ugh. I’m trying to reframe it in my mind as an opportunity to continue my personal tradition of taking a situation that might seem sad or lonely on the surface and transform it into an exciting new adventure. My creative juices are already boiling in the kitchen.
What are you planning to do?
I’m going to immerse myself in a new adventure of public intervention and “invade” some spots around the city with a new art project. I can’t reveal much about it yet as it would ruin the surprise, but stay alert and start paying attention to the hashtag #talktoyouralterego.
What about the experience do you think will be most challenging?
The freezing cold weather! Give me tropical mosquito bites instead of runny noses and cold hands, please.
What about the experience are you looking forward to?
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the course of my past adventures is that creativity is a universal language that transcends any cultural, social or emotional barrier. Creativity brings communities together and initiates conversations. That’s why I am not worried about being “alone,” because aloneness is just empty space waiting to be filled with unexpected encounters and wonderful conversations. And you know what? I am ready to savor every little second of it. Ciao, Grinch!
Illustrations by Ana Leovy.
The post 5 People on Why They’re Spending the Holidays Alone appeared first on Man Repeller.
December 24, 2019
You Look Moist: A Pilates Guru With a Go-To Fix for Acne and Brown Spots
Welcome to You Look Moist, a regular column wherein Man Repeller asks cool people with glowing visages how they achieved their supreme hydration (amongst other things). Today’s installment features Erika Bloom, a veteran pilates instructor and founder of Erika Bloom Pilates.
How would you describe your skin?
I love my skin, but it definitely needs a lot of care. I deal with everything from wrinkles to acne to brown spots to redness–you name it. While skincare is a priority for me as a result, I don’t think of any of these things as “problems” because I enjoy using beautiful products and the ritual of caring for my skin.
How would you describe your skincare approach in general?
I try to keep it beautiful from the inside out by focusing on sleep, healthy foods, hydration, and products that heal rather than cover. I aim to be low-maintenance while still being thoughtful about caring for my skin consistently and thoroughly.
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A post shared by Erika Bloom Pilates (@erikabloompilates) on Sep 1, 2017 at 9:19am PDT
Which skincare products are integral to your routine for achieving your ideal, glowing, well-moisturized complexion, and how/when do you use each of them?
I wash my face every night with Tammy Fender Cleansing Milk. Then I use a nutrient rich toner or mist like Indie Lee Coq10 or True Botanicals Nutrient Mist, and my hero product, Tata Harper’s Rejuvenating Serum. Then, I choose a treatment depending on what my skin is grappling with that day, like Marie Veronique Lightening Serum when I have brown spots or True Botanicals Repair Serum for wrinkles. Sometimes I feel like I need a little more, especially on dry winter days, so then I add one more step and use an oil: Vintner’s Daughter Active Botanical Serum, de Mamiel Facial Oil, or True Botanicals Pure Radiance Oil. I also love masks and do them at least once a week. The ones I find most effective are Herbivore Brighten Pineapple + Gemstone Mask when my skin needs glow, Josh Rosebrook Cacao Antioxidant Mask for large or clogged pores, and Tammy Fender Restorative Radiance Mask when I’m dull and need moisture. On my body, I love to use Kate Mcleod’s amazing body stones in the morning and de Mamiel Salvation Body Oil at night. For my hair, I use all-natural shampoo and conditioner by using Grown Alchemist Shampoo and Grown Alchemist Conditioner.
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The foods I choose are also integral to keeping my skin beautiful. I eat a variety of fresh, organic vegetables and healthy fats and focus on pre- and probiotic foods like mushrooms and fermented vegetables. I supplement with healing plant medicines from Anima Mundi like the Mushroom Mocha Milk.
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What about makeup products?
Starting with a great base is essential, so my morning skincare is the most important part of my makeup routine. I don’t use a cleanser in the morning–I start with my toner, Tammy Fender Essential C Tonic in the summer or True Botanicals Renew Nutrient Mist in the winter. Then, I put on my Tata Harper Rejuvenating Serum. It instantly takes care of any puffiness I wake up with.
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My next step is Josh Rosebrook Nutrient Day Cream Tinted SPF 30. This is a nourishing moisturizer that also has light coverage and sun protection. I don’t leave home without it. If I need more coverage or have a photoshoot, I layer on RMS “Un” Cover-Up. I like to use the 22, but then a bit of 44 for contouring. Often my only next step is W3ll People mascara in brown.
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It’s rare for me to wear more makeup than that. If I do, like at night for an event, I use cream color on my lips, cheeks, and lids. I love the RMS Lip Shines, RMS Lip2Cheek, the Tata Harper Volumizing Lip and Cheek Tint, and the Kosas Color and Light Blush & Highlighter Duo. It’s fun to have multiple choices so you can play with the end look a little. When I apply makeup, I use my fingers for quick daytime application, but for a really polished look I use blushes to layer and blend. I love the makeup brushes from Westman Atelier.
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What’s the cheapest product you use regularly and love?
I often grab things from my kitchen to use in my beauty routine. I use olive oil on my hair. I mix coconut oil and brown sugar to exfoliate my body. And I grow vegetables and ferment them to work on my gut health, so my skin is healthy from the inside out.
Is there anything you try to avoid, skincare- or makeup-wise?
I start by avoiding anything that isn’t natural or has chemicals in it that could be harmful if absorbed through my skin or rubbed off onto my children. Then, I look at how the natural ingredients were derived or sourced to make sure that even those “safe” ingredients are free from the contamination of toxic chemicals and pesticides. Lastly, I avoid products designed with the goal of covering rather than nourishing and healing. I want my makeup to highlight natural beauty and do double duty to actually make my skin healthier as I wear it.
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A post shared by Erika Bloom Pilates (@erikabloompilates) on Dec 27, 2018 at 9:43am PST
Any next-level tips, tricks, or services that you swear by to help you look “lit from within”?
Looking lit from within is all about whole body health, so focusing on movement, sleep, healing foods, time in nature, and emotional awareness are key. I practice meditation, Pilates, Yoga, hiking, and receive acupuncture regularly to help maintain this balance.
What’s your go-to product or trick for fixing a skin disaster?
Tammy Fender Epi-Peel is amazing for remedying so many things. I use it on acne, on brown spots, and on areas where I have texture issues. I follow it up with a hydrating oil or the Tammy Fender Spontaneous Recovery Creme.
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Do you do anything differently skincare-wise when you travel?
I always keep my face makeup-free when I fly and often do a mask pre- and post-plane. I also put essential oils on my hands and use an essential oil spray for my face to ward off colds and break-out-causing bacteria. I love making a blend of clove, lavender, a citrus like lemon or mandarin, oregano, and rosemary.
I also always travel with my de Mamiel oils–the Altitude Oil to recover from the plane, and Settle to aid in sleep. They are so much more than just essential oils and they are absolutely gorgeous. Otherwise, I try to keep my skincare routine the same when I travel. I find consistency to be important in this respect.
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What’s something you wish your teenage self knew about taking care of your skin?
I used a lot of drying products as a teenager which really–even with oily, young skin–is not the way to go. However, I was lucky enough to grow up in a home that was very focused on food as medicine and spending time outdoors, swimming in the ocean with no makeup on, etc.–so I really, even then, had a healthy approach to caring for my skin in that way. I remember my mom’s remedy for everything was: “drink a glass of water” or “eat some fermented foods”–which are still two of my beauty secrets as an adult.
Photos provided by Erika Bloom.
The post You Look Moist: A Pilates Guru With a Go-To Fix for Acne and Brown Spots appeared first on Man Repeller.
December 23, 2019
Pour Yourself a Hot Chocolate and Enjoy Our Top 42 Stories From 2019
Best of Style
Photo by Sabrina Santiago.Uniqlo coat, Tory Burch tote, J.Crew turtleneck, Missoma gold and silver necklaces
The Ones That Caused a Stir in the Man Repeller Office
Fall Style Win: Collarless Coats and Big-Ass Totes
“No Horizontal Stripes” and Other Plus-Size Cliches Worth Breaking
The One Where—More Than Ever—We Came for the Clothes and Stayed for the Feelings
I Took 30 Days of Mirror Selfies and Processed a Lot of Feelings
The Ones That Made Getting Ready for Something (Anything) Feel Fun
I Recreated 5 Gucci Runway Looks With My Own Wardrobe
5 Babydoll Dresses That Are Aggressively Cute
3 Couples Style Each Other Using the Same Fall Closet
3 Easy-Peasy Spring Makeup Looks
Fake Freckles Are Trending, Much to My Delight
For the rare bird who has not seen Cruel Intentions, I invite you to review this Wikipedia rendering of the character I’m emulating from the movie (the original!). The TL;DR is that she ruins people’s lives for fun and more often than not uses sacricities such as sex and religion to do it. Not to beat you over the head with the obvious but that’s why I’m wearing an at-first-glance modest dress that actually exposes all my shit.
—Leandra Medine Cohen, I Asked Instagram Commenters to Dress Me for a Week and of Course It Got Weird
The Ones That Made Us Question Ourselves, Our Homes, the Entire Universe
Theory: All Good Outfits Go Bad at 3 p.m.
Wardrobe Makeover: Maybe the Secret to Closet Organization Is Actually Optimization
Is Black the New Millennial Pink? I’m Only Kind of Kidding
The One Where We Accidentally Took the Perfect MR Family Photo
How to Get Big, Fun Hair, No Matter What You’re Working With
Best of People
Photo by Olivia Wein.
The Ones That Set the Team Slack Channel—and Entire Office—Ablaze
There Are Two Kinds of People in This World: “Sorry” People and “Thank You” People
Unpopular Opinion: Eggs Fucking Suck
Man Repeller’s Mail Guy Is So Cool We Can’t Even Think of a Headline
Once You Look Into a “True Mirror,” You’ll Never Be the Same
If my hands were ever finally set free from the rest of my body, as I know is their only wish, they would take the city by storm. They’d be on the board at Alvin Ailey. They’d discover new artists and quietly support them, not wanting to become a topic of discussion in the art scene themselves. They’d go to different tea shops for different types of loose leaf teas. They’d own and play a Djembe in a drumming circle in a park. They’d have a secret beach. They’d look good in hats.
—Nora Taylor, Look at My Beautiful Fucking Hands
The One That Almost Made Us Want to Go Back to School—Just for the Fashion
12 (Very Cool) NYC Teens Explain Their Back-to-School Outfits
The Ones We’ve All Read Way More Than Once
How Friendship Changes With Age, According to 3 Older Women
“Don’t Take Dating So Seriously”: Relationship Advice From 3 Older Women
Ask MR: I’m Scared I’ll Never Make New Adult Friends
Peak Maturity Is Accepting That You’re a Cliché
Our culture pathologizes success. We pay people to photoshop our kids’ heads onto the bodies of athletes to get them into better colleges; we life-hack our way through meticulously-calligraphed bullet journals. I’m sure this has always been true, to some degree — no epics were written about “that 467th foot soldier who stepped on a scorpion and died on the way to Troy” — but social media has compounded our obsession for perfection. Insta filters contour our cheekbones and plump our lips; 30-under-30 lists pump narratives of geniuses we are always two steps behind. There’s the endless gray ocean of all of us, and then there’s the cream that rises to the top. That cream has 12 million Instagram followers, and you can’t get the red wine stain out of your white jeans.
—Meghan Nesmith, The Radical Act of Embracing Your Own Mediocrit
The One That Never Stopped Getting Traffic
How You Should Define Success, According to Your Sign
The Ones That We Hope Opened Some Eyeballs a Little Wider
My Bad Acid Trip Taught Me Everything and Nothing
The Best Sex Ed I Ever Got Was From Queer YouTubers
Men Share Their Abortion Stories: “That Kid Would Be 33 Now”
Best of Culture
Photo by Andy Jackson.Staud dress and by Far shoes with Anastasia Beverly Hills Norvina Palette, Pat McGrath Mothership III Eyeshadow Palette, Fenty Killawatt Highlighter in Wattabrat, Fenty Lipstick in Candy Venom and Poutsicle, Anastasia Beverly Hills Glitter Lip Topper in Blazing Sunset
The One We All Wish We’d Read Over a Slice of Quince Tart
How Bon Appétit Became a YouTube Sensation—and Why Claire Saffitz Is the Perfect Star
The Ones That Proved There Is No One Way to Celebrate a Celebrity Worth Celebrating
I Dressed Like Pete Davidson for a Week, and I’ll Never Be the Same
Aidy Bryant Is You, But Famous
From Homelessness to Hollywood: Trans Star Ava Grey on Her Journey
Timothée Chalamet is a sight for sore eyes, and also any kind of eyes. Remarkably photogenic, Chalamet’s appeal begins with the perfect symmetry of his heart-shaped face: he doesn’t have to engage or contort a single facial muscle in order to look good in a picture. He boasts the stature of a Toblerone bar (which I’ve heard he buys from local Nolita bodegas when he’s in town), a jawline rendered by it’s rumored—Bernini’s own chisel, carbon copies of Brooke Shields’ eyebrows and the great mess of his Timothée Chalamet Hair
. A Google search reveals that he is 5′ 10″, but like a whisk you buy on Amazon, it is difficult to fully envision his scale relative to you. (Do actors generously round up their heights like college athletes do? Who measured Timothée Chalamet for his IMDB page stats?) More than just a pretty face, he’s articulate and conversational enough to be a talk show host. He’s Gen Z’s answer to Michael Cera. —Edith Young, I Know You Love Timothée Chalamet, But I Love Him More
The Ones That Almost Everyone Shared With at Least One Friend
The Modern Trap of Turning Hobbies Into Hustles
If You Haven’t Heard of “Hopepunk,” Allow Me to Gently Introduce You
Would You “Renegotiate” Your Relationship Every Year?
The Ones That Proved Animals With Always Provide the Best Fodder for Content
Special Social Media Report: Last Week’s Startling Disappearance of @Round.Boys
Couples Therapy for Pets: A Real Thing I Actually Recommend
Feature Photo by Sabrina Santiago.
Cover Photo by Edith Young.
The post Pour Yourself a Hot Chocolate and Enjoy Our Top 42 Stories From 2019 appeared first on Man Repeller.
Close Your Laptop! We’re OOO for the Holidays
Let me paint the scene for you: it’s 11 a.m. on the Tuesday morning before Christmas week and I am on an airplane that is headed toward Houston. I’m wearing a navy blue cashmere crew neck sweater with leggings, brown socks, and a pair of New Balance sneakers that I saw on a shelf in our fashion closet and then bought. I wonder if shelves will be the new influencer in 2020. My toes are numbingly cold but no one seems to care enough to turn down the air conditioning on this aircraft. My hair is dirty. It’s oily enough to look like it’s wet while slicked back into a bun, which it is, but I can still smell it from here.
I just sent a Slack message to Mallory, “The best stories are the lives we live.” It sounds so ominous without the context—which was essentially a parade of compliments for three stories that went up last week. The first: Haley’s hilarious takedown of “eat-acting.” It was born out of a conversation that happened in the office and turned into what read like an intimate e-mail from a very funny friend who has a better vocabulary than I do. At its best, a Man Repeller story could always be mistaken for an e-mail from someone you really like.
The second: Her simultaneous graveyard and recycling bin dedicated to the slang of 2019. News you can use, people! We created a graphic card to stick in your back pocket and everything. Another tell of good substance: comments so robust you could skip the article. But don’t do that to yourself, you deserve the gift of comedy.
And third: Harling’s impeccably styled and dreamily written act of public service in the form of a story on how to make the clothes you already own look better for holiday parties. I don’t know what’s in store for 2020 as it relates to sustainability but I know that talking about it in a way that is so on-the-nose instead of applying it practically to different life use-cases that are grounded in what’s up now (like the need to get dressed for a holiday party) feels more helpful.
Did I mention that my hair is dirty?
Last year, when I wrote this letter to announce we’d be closed Christmas week through New Years, I was also on a plane. Back then, I was going to Australia for a wedding and feeling pretty sad. Time travel was robbing my 30th birthday, which was sending me down an existential spiral of ponderance: Why didn’t I know more about myself by the inauguration of this third decade on earth? Why wasn’t I more decisive? Why didn’t I have it All Figured Out. Don’t they say you settle into yourself at 30? If it is possible, and I can only say this from the vantage point of hindsight, I was only further away. Actually, that’s not fair, there was a fire. And it was a new kind of fire—I was ready to know. Be more responsible. I was ready to act. Make me accountable! But how?
I started with a list—things you want to do more and things you want to do less. More doing, I wrote. Less thinking, I wrote. But I never thought of it again after writing it out because here’s the catch and the most important part:
Stuff sorts itself out. One time I went to a rabbi who told me I could hold my phone effortlessly in the palm of one hand, or wrap both my grips around it, aggressively and possessively, exerting all the energy I have to keep my phone in my hands. Either way, though, I’m holding the phone and now I’m sharing the story with you because stuff sorts itself out. I was sad on my 30th birthday, but feel like a spring chicken on my 31st, and though time has passed—people have come and people have left, not that much has changed.
I’m still running what once was a personal style blog, that has become a media brand operating quietly on the fringes of an economically volatile firestorm. I’m also still wondering, “What now?”
I’m still throwing spaghetti at the wall of parenthood, maintaining eye contact as my children stare up at me as if to ask what this—life—is and I think to myself, then say out loud: I don’t know either. I probably never will.
I’m still married to a guy who gets excited about a new humidifier but is curious enough to learn how the reason changes, and as you can see, I’m still finding ways to make even the most benign, abstract announcements—that which could be handled in 100 words, lengthy and ALL ABOUT ME.
I used to think I wanted constant change; the thrill of an up, made better only by the unnerving distress of a down. But I’m finding that actually, stability (which is different from complacency) is pretty good. And as I reflect on the sameness, it occurs to me that this is why I feel so different. It’s happening, I’m doing it, settling into myself and while I am certain that next year will kick my ass (to a degree, don’t they all?) I am excited. Excited as hell! I haven’t felt that in so long.
Do me a favor over this break, would you? Don’t forget when you’re holding your phone, deciding how much force it needs to stay in the palm of your hand, that stuff sorts itself out.
And that my hair, god dammit, is really, really dirty.
Feature Photo by Alistar Matthews.
Prop Styling by Sara Schipani.
Art Direction by Lorenza Centi.
The post Close Your Laptop! We’re OOO for the Holidays appeared first on Man Repeller.
December 20, 2019
“This Is the Princess Seat”: 11 New Yorkers Talk Life on the Bus
If you’ve ever been in a meeting and idly wondered who in New York is currently on the bus—what they’re doing and thinking about; where they’re going—there is one easy, if not entirely efficient, way to find out. That’s how we met the New Yorkers featured in this story, on an improvised route that cruised around Manhattan in one big loop, covering hundreds of blocks and at least a dozen neighborhoods.
The bus is an oft-overlooked staple of city life—it may not have the sex appeal of the subway (on the bus, it is rarely “Showtime”) or the novelty of the ferry, but it’s a robust, critical resource. It picks up, sometimes literally, where the trains leave off, creating a more inclusive transit system for disabled people and offering more options for those living in neighborhoods that are under-served by the trains.
And the bus is a world unto itself, both a microcosm of New York and a different way of seeing and experiencing it. It can be both its own respite from the chaos of the streets it traverses and an incubator for its own unique brand of micro-dramas, the kind that deal less in the subway’s brand of anonymity and speed and more in neighborly intimacy and sometimes comical inefficiencies. Those stories are best told by the people we met below.
Ava, 58
En route: From Chinatown to Midtown
Do you ride the bus often?
I’m a New Yorker, so the bus reminds me of my childhood. I know the routes like the back of my hand. It’s very convenient for me. I also recently had knee surgery, so it’s easier right now.
Has anything significant ever happened to you on the bus?
I met my Godmother on the bus! She was a lady from Honolulu. We were on the bus together, sitting sort of in the vicinity of each other. She’s very loquacious so she started talking and I answered. Fast-forward, she says: “I want you to be my goddaughter!” So I’m her goddaughter now.
Whoa. Really? Did you just exchange numbers or something?
Yes, eventually we exchanged numbers and got in touch, and anytime I flew to Asia after that, I would go see her.
What do you do to pass the time while you ride?
Let’s see… today I brought my high school alumni newsletter and the New York Times magazine.
Do you have any bus tendencies?
Well, because of my knee—I can’t bend it all the way—I like to sit somewhere with more room for my legs.
Are there any unspoken rules of the bus?
Oooh, yes. I’m about to show my New York peeves! If I’m the only person sitting here and all the other seats are empty, generally it’s an unspoken rule that you shouldn’t crowd a person, you find your space. The other thing is that if you’re standing above someone, you may feel that you’re not disturbing anyone, but for the person sitting, the presence is always there. If there’s space elsewhere, you should move.
I met my Godmother on the bus!
Imrana, 63
En route: From the Bowery to an appointment in Flatiron
Do you take the bus often?
It’s interesting that you’re asking me about this, because I’ve never really traveled on a bus in New York. I fractured my ankle and I can’t go down the stairs in the subway, and the taxis are just way too expensive to go everywhere, so this is a new chapter in my life. I googled the bus system and I’ve discovered that it’s excellent. I’m extremely happy.
I live in Pakistan and I’m visiting. I’m an architect and an environmentalist and I specialize in the impacts of urbanization on quality of life. I work a lot for civil society—in fact we just had a session on mobility and what mobility means in Pakistan. We promote public transport above everything else because of the environment. I think the bus is brilliant and I think all the cars should be off the road. People should walk or take buses so that we can get rid of this environmental crisis we’re in.
What do you like to do while you’re on the bus?
You have all this time on your hands… I love people watching. Being an architect, I’m very interested in public spaces. I think being on the bus is the best form of public space. I think talking to people on the bus is a good option! I used to strike up conversation in taxis a lot and I noticed that if you ask a taxi driver a simple question, it’s like a dam that’s burst. They will keep the conversation going on and on and on.
When the bus doors close too soon that can be really dramatic.
Gilbert, 39, & Her Kids
En route: From school to home
How do you feel about taking the bus?
We take it every day. It’s the best route for taking the kids between home and school. I use the bus often with them because it’s easier with bringing the strollers, not dealing with elevators and stuff like that.
What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve witnessed on the bus?
When the bus doors close too soon that can be really dramatic— we often have to shout for them open the doors back up.
And do you—
Actually, sorry, this is us, we have to go!
Bye!
Jessica and Danielle, 17
En route: To Wendy’s
Is taking the bus a daily thing for you?
Jessica: No, we only take it sometimes. We usually take the train.
Do you guys always commute together?
Jessica: Yeah, we usually go around together.
Are we the first people who’ve ever tried to talk to you on the bus?
Both: Yes [laughing].
What do you do to pass the time?
Jessica: We play multiplayer games on our phones. I play the Mario Kart one, that one we can play together. The one I like to play by myself is Candy Crush.
Danielle: I like to listen to the radio—Z100 is my favorite station.
Do you have a favorite place to sit?
Jessica: We always sit in the same spot. I just like being by the window, and you can see the view from the back.
Jon, 75 & His Partner
Jon, at right.En route: To a film screening
What movie are you going to see?
The film tonight is… the Peanut Butter Stallion? Peanut Butter Cowboy?
Peanut Butter Falcon!
[Laughs] Yes! I’m curious about it. We’ve seen practically every movie that came out this year, because he’s one of the SAGAFTRA judges, so they send us the DVDs and invites to screenings. We’ve been going to see about three movies a week.
Do you have a favorite so far?
There have been a lot of great movies. Pain and Glory was especially good. I thought Marriage Story was remarkable. Then we saw something that we never expected to see at all, called The Aeronauts, about the first woman who went up in a balloon and broke the record. It was beautifully done.
What do you to pass time on the bus?
I read the newspaper, either that or I read Google news. We subscribe to four daily newspapers—The Post, The Daily News, Wall Street Journal, and the Times.
Do you pick and choose which one you’re going to read every day?
No, we read them all. That’s what being retired is about!
I’m so looking forward to that.
No you’re not!
Do you have any bus tendencies? Anywhere you prefer to sit?
Not really. Every bus is configured differently and I usually take the crosstown bus. The two of us don’t usually don’t sit together, he has his own ideas!
I don’t like anybody sitting behind me—that’s from being Italian!
D’Mari, Marisol, and Chelsea
En route: Home, from school
When you got on the bus, I heard you guys saying that you were going to sit in the “prince seat” and the “queen seat.” What does that mean?
Chelsea: [Points to mom] She’s in the queen seat. I’m in the princess seat and [points to brother] he’s in the prince seat. When they’re here, our dad is the king and our other sisters are the other princesses.
So then your family gets the whole back row?
Marisol: [laughs] Pretty much.
Do you prefer using the bus to get around the city?
Marisol: Yes. It’s the scenic route. I’m from New York and I’ve taken the bus my whole life. I grew up in Brooklyn.
Chelsea: I was born in Brooklyn and he [points to brother] was born in Manhattan.
What do you do to pass the time?
We usually have friends from school on with us—other parents and the kids’ friends—and we’re always all gabbing away.
Frank, 80
En route: To a doctor appointment
What’s the story with your jacket?
I was in the US Air Force and these are some of the places I’ve been to and some of the things I’ve done. Copenhagen, Denmark was my best time in the Air Force. I was supposed to go for three days and ended up staying for six months. This jacket was the closest I could come to a real Air Force jacket. The ones that say “Air Force” on the back have fur collars, which I didn’t want, but this one is actually really warm.
What do you like to do while you’re commuting?
Right now I’m just looking over some information the doctor gave me. But otherwise I just look out the window—see who’s getting on and off. I like to see how the city’s changed. Sometimes I see a building that looks interesting and I’ll just hop off to look at it and then catch the next bus.
Where do you prefer to sit?
I don’t like anybody sitting behind me—that’s from being Italian! [laughs].
Has anything significant ever happened to you on the bus?
Well, a lot of people crowd around the doors. Two weeks ago, I had to get off the bus at Grand Central and there were three people standing in the doorway. I said, “Excuse me, excuse me, I’d like to get off.” And then I had to push them out of the way. At my age I really shouldn’t be fighting with people—I’m 80 years old! Although I have had a fight on the subway. One time, a guy slid into a seat that I got up to give to a woman and I called him a bastard and he came at me and hit me in the head with a cell phone. I felt like Muhammad Ali—I actually beat the crap out of him. But I don’t go around looking for trouble. The bus is a nice way to see the city.
Photos by Sabrina Santiago.
The post “This Is the Princess Seat”: 11 New Yorkers Talk Life on the Bus appeared first on Man Repeller.
Why the Ombré Hair Trend Lasted an Entire Decade
Before the appointment, I’d always been too cautious to lighten my naturally dark hair and too broke to commit to anything that would require touch-ups, but the ombré trend solved all of that. It was cost-effective, somewhat polished, and above all, looked cool. It was the era of Alexa Chung-effortless style and she was one of ombré’s earliest adopters, pairing blonde ends with her signature cat-eye that I (obviously) also tried to replicate. Alexa was the perfect poster girl for a style that said, I don’t give a shit about how I look, but I look good doing it.
I was far from the first person to have ombré hair, as much as I would have liked to be. The 2010s saw a motley crew of celebrities from Sarah Jessica Parker to J.Lo to Jared Leto to Rachel Bilson to Miley Cyrus become the faces (heads?) of ombré. Some celebrities—like Ciara—remained ombré-curious for the entire decade. Other celebrities’ ombré hair bookmarked the most important moments of their 2010s: Kim Kardashian got ombré shortly after giving birth to North West; Lily Aldrige had ombré at her wedding to Caleb Followill; Beyoncé had an ombré bob at the 2014 Grammys when she and Jay-Z opened the show with “Drunk in Love”. And if you only watch one video today, let it be this one of Jessica Alba getting ombré, posted to Instagram in 2014, edited on Flipagram to Missy Elliot’s “Work It.”
Every time a public figure was photographed with ombré hair in the 2010s, someone, somewhere, took that photo to a hair colorist and said, ‘I want that.’
Alongside the celebrities and beauty editors praying at the altar of ombré were the models. Two-toned hair slowly became the signature look of the annual Victoria’s Secret show during a time when the glossy extensions, feathery lashes, and airbrushed skin backstage were the pinnacle of conventional beauty ideals. Joan Smalls, Cara Delevingne, Jourdan Dunn, and Gisele Bündchen took ombré from the runway to the streets, to magazine pages, to Pinterest boards titled things like “hair goals” and “ombré inspo.” Every time a public figure was photographed with ombré hair in the 2010s, someone, somewhere, took that photo to a hair colorist and said, “I want that.” It was a hair movement of the most sweeping proportions.
According to Google Trends, our collective interest in ombré peaked in March 2013, but the cultural effects of the trend continued. In 2016, Pantone announced its first ever ombré color of the year: rose quartz and serenity, a pastel pink that faded into blue. On the Pantone website, the team explains that their decision to go with ombré was made for “a generation that has less concern about being typecast or judged and an open exchange of digital information that has opened our eyes to different approaches to color usage.” Hair no longer needed to be just one color, and neither did our walls, nails, napkins, and wedding cakes. The trend infiltrated every aspect of our lives. Today, on Instagram, there are currently more than 15-million posts tagged #ombre.
It implies that you don’t care, even if you do, which makes it the perfect mascot for our relationship with beauty in the 2010s.
What is it about ombré? And why did it endure while other 2010s hair trends—the Rihanna-inspired undercuts, the top knots, the pastel mermaid waves—quickly expired? In an era defined by both no-makeup makeup and Instagram face, the motivation behind our beauty choices hasn’t always been obvious. But when I consider some of the prevailing trends—microblading, lip fillers, fake freckles, and Botox, which all work hard to present a look that’s natural while actually engendering the opposite—an answer emerges. The 2010s saw the favoring of skincare routines over foundation, lash extensions over layers of mascara, “natural” over manufactured (and over actual natural). And ombré fits right in. It looks like you skipped a salon appointment, even if you didn’t. It replicates a sun-kissed fade, even if you never left the house. It implies that you don’t care, even if you do, which makes it the perfect mascot for our relationship with beauty in the 2010s: We may be grappling with our obsession with how we look, but we still want to look good while doing it.
Photos via Getty Images.
Graphics by Lorenza Centi.
The post Why the Ombré Hair Trend Lasted an Entire Decade appeared first on Man Repeller.
A Pastel One-Bedroom in Manila That Will Make You Want to Move and Start Fresh
Welcome to Make Yourself at Home, a collection of home tours as told through the items within them. In this installment, Martine walks us through her home in the Philippines.
Martine Ho lives in a compound with her entire family in Manila. At least that’s how she describes it: “There are multiple buildings where my family lives. Within my building, I have cousins, aunts, uncles…,” she trails off on the phone. “Every time I go into the lobby, it’s like a family reunion. It’s so much fun. Everything I want is here. Everything’s walkable.”
She moved to the Philippines from LA six years ago, when her cousin suggested they go into business together. It turned out to be a good move—their first business, a sunglasses brand called Sunnies Studios, paved the way for a prescription eyeglass brand, Sunnies Specs, which led to a string of dreamy pastel Sunnies Cafes, and finally Sunnies Face, a beauty brand for which they’ve received global recognition. “We love the products that we make,” she says, “We use them ourselves. We’re so happy they’re resonating with people.”
A year ago, Martine bought her first apartment, a 750-square foot one-bedroom above, below, and beside her family. Last year she also got married, but her husband lives in Australia, and for now, they plan to continue being long-distance. They’ve been that way for six years, and see each other every three weeks. “People are like, ‘how do you do it?’ I’m like, I don’t know, how do you live with someone? I love having my own space,” she tells me. “I get that marriage is about compromise, but sometimes it’s really great to physically just be able to have a space that you feel is yours.” She and her husband both value their independence and the feeling that they’re together voluntarily, so they don’t mind their unconventional setup.
I caught up with Martine at an interesting time—she’s about to move into a larger space, and is in the process of saying goodbye to this one. She was happy to talk to me about some of the things that have made it feel special, and the more I learned about her decor strategy, the more I wondered if I’ve ever had a strategy at all. Read on to hear about five things in her home and how she came to find them, in her own words.
1. The painting by my aunt, hanging in my living room
My place is quite small–71 square meters. And I was like, how do I maximize the space? First I got rid of all my things from my old place and started fresh. The only piece here that stayed on—and has since my very first apartment—is one I grew up with in my childhood home. A painting my aunt did in the ’80s. If this house was burning it would probably be the only thing I would save. I don’t have much attachment to physical stuff.
I have a family full of painters. My grandmother was a painter, my aunts are painters… they’re mostly women, and they are very colorful people to say the least. Like many Filipino families, everyone is very opinionated, creative, very female-centered, and family-centered. My aunt, Isabel Diaz, is renowned here in the Philippines, and she did this painting years ago of another aunt of mine. My mom comes from a family of 12 sisters, and they are my aunt’s favorite subjects to paint. I grew up with this piece as a child, even back in Orange County, and I remember I just always loved looking at it. And when I was 18 I begged my mom to give it to me and she did, so it’s traveled with me to every home since.
This painting really kind of inspired the color palette of the whole apartment. I bought things to complement it, just because this space was small, so I was like, let me make this painting the anchor of my home.
2. My purple pilastro stool (which doubles as a side table)
My side table is by Kartell, it’s called the Pilastro Stool, and it was part of the Ettore Sottsass collection. I loved it the moment I saw it, so I tracked it down in Australia and hand carried it in my luggage back home, which is pretty much how I bought every piece I have. I was drawn to it because it had similar tones to the painting. This thing moves around everywhere, it’s amazing. It can be a stool, it can be a side table—it’s multifunctional. Every piece in my house I chose to be quite modular. So I can kind of pop it around anywhere. If I have guests over it becomes a stool at dinner. Sometimes it’s my side table by the bed, sometimes it goes back in the living room. If you come into my house at any week, things are re-arranged. So, how you see it now is just how it was this morning.
3. The lamp on the floor by the aforementioned stool
The lamp right beside it is really special to me. I love lamps—I have a massive lamp collection. Typically, I prefer vintage, I just find them special. But this is one of my only new lamps, and that’s because my husband got it for me for my birthday, which I thought was so sweet and thoughtful. He researched cool lamps, picked it himself, and proudly presented it to me. It’s from another Australian designer—his name’s Ross Gardam. I find the design scene in Australia very exciting, and I spend a lot of time there, so I get to make these personal relationships with a lot of furniture designers. This one is special to me because it was specially made for me and especially chosen by my husband.
4. My dining table, chairs, and dishes
This was six months in the making. The glass table was the first thing I got—it was really inexpensive and I found it in a random department store here in the Philippines. It’s such a tight space, this dining area, so I really wanted to keep it as minimal and clean as possible. And I personally have this preference towards rounded shapes—I find them really pleasant to the eyes—so I wanted something light, airy, kind of retro.
The next mission was to find the perfect chairs, but I went through a million iterations of possible one that could fit here, and nothing seemed right. The ones I ended up getting are from another Australian designer named Daniel Emma, and they had to be customized to match the height of the table. The colors are customized too. It was all a very thoughtful process; I had a long talk with the designer about them. Then I hand carried them back to Manila from Australia. I remember the moment when I came home with them—I brought them over two trips because they wouldn’t all fit in my checked luggage—and I pushed them into the table and they tucked in perfectly. It was honestly like this heavenly divine moment because it was half a year in the making.
The dishes you see are in my typical morning setup if people come over for brunch. I only host brunch here because I only know how to cook eggs and serve booze. The place mats are from LIND DNA. I got them when I was in Copenhagen with my business partners. Almost every piece here I’ve gotten while traveling. The bowls are from Bali, by a Japanese ceramicist that I found in Ubud. I went to her studio in the middle of the jungle. She was amazing. I got them right after my wedding, so those are really special to me. The acrylic coasters are vintage, the shot glasses are from Mexico City, and the bowl is from another Australian designer called Lightly Design. I’ve built a relationship with the designers behind many of these pieces, so everything’s really special to me.
Since I have a small space, I want to love every single thing here. I’ve kind of adapted this Marie Kondo-like sensibility of, if I don’t love this, I’m not keeping it. I don’t have that much stuff, which is why everything can be kind of—my sister tells me I’m not allowed to use this word—curated.
5. My shelving unit stocked with various trinkets
My shelving unit is from Tomado. I got it at a vintage store in Barcelona and, once again, hand carried it checked into my luggage. I don’t know how I did it, but it happened. Since my space is really small, I couldn’t have any kind of shelving unit that would be obstructive or bleed into that much of the space. I really wanted it to be minimal. I love this one because it’s like a blank canvas; everything can kind of be taken out, put in, and moved around. It gets merchandised differently every week depending on my mood and what I’m doing for work and what I’m feeling at the moment.
A lot of things in here are really special. The acrylic sunglass racks that you see—those are pieces from our very first store we opened six years ago. The vintage phone is also a fun piece. Originally there was a standard phone here and I was really unexcited by it, I wanted it out of my sight immediately. So I started looking at phones on the market but there just wasn’t anything interesting, so I was like, I need to find one of those phones I wanted as a little girl. At first I looked on eBay but they were kind of expensive, and then I went to the Rose Bowl flea market and found this for 20 bucks, and the girl told me, “I don’t know if it’s going to work, but you can just try it out.” So I brought it home with me to Manila, and the second that it rang, it was another deeply satisfying moment in my life. I was like, “The phone works!” It makes me so happy. Whenever it rings, which is not that often, it brings me a lot of joy.
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Photos by Juan Carlo Jose.
The post A Pastel One-Bedroom in Manila That Will Make You Want to Move and Start Fresh appeared first on Man Repeller.
December 19, 2019
Here’s What Your Sleep Pose Says About You
Sometimes it feels like the internet has so deeply infiltrated our lives that nothing is sacred anymore. But one thing remains unmarred by our compulsive need to share: unconsciousness! Every night, perhaps in a pair of soft pajamas, half-dressed, or, for the liberated among us, nude, all of us arrange our bodies for comfort, mentally exit stage left, and have weird dreams about our teeth. It’s kind of precious, if you think about it.
In an attempt to decode one of our most unconscious choices, where surely our deeper truths are hiding, I turned to body language expert Blanca Cobb. She says the position we fall asleep in and return to throughout the night can reveal something about our personalities. She warned it’s not an exact science (there’s a lack of credible research on the topic), but if anyone’s poised to see expression where the rest of us don’t, it’s her. Read on to see what your sleep pose of choice says about you, and while you’re at it, glean some styling ideas, straight from Leandra (I’m partial to the balaclava-as-optional-sleep-mask).
Fetal
“Surveys have shown sleeping in the fetal position—on your side and slightly balled up—is the most common. This pose is about security; it protects the vital organs, which makes us feel safe. People who sleep in this position tend to have a hard exterior, but underneath they’re soft and sensitive. They can be cautious with new people, but once they feel comfortable with someone they open up and relax.”
Log
“Sleeping on your side with your arms straight down tends to indicate an open, outgoing personality, a real social butterfly. These people strongly desire the company of others and prefer to do things in a group rather than alone. They tend to give new people the benefit of the doubt—sometimes they risk being too trusting.”
Freefall
“The Freefall is an instinctively protective sleeping position. Turning away from others, shielding the belly and vital organs like this, may indicate they are a little sensitive to criticism, or perhaps unsure of how to handle it. They might be a bit rough around the edges; maybe loud, gregarious and preferring people to be direct rather than bother with small talk and pleasantries.”
Yearner
“The Yearner is similar to the Log in that it indicates a very friendly, social person. But they are a little more hesitant; for example, they’re more likely to be skeptical of new people until they get to know them. Interestingly, the research on this showed those who sleep in the yearner position are likely to be slow to make a decision, but once they decide, that’s it—they’re not going to be very willing to change their mind.”
Starfish
“If you sleep on your back with your arms above your head reaching around the pillow—the starfish position—it signals you’re an open, social person. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of therapists sleep in this position, because the body language of this pose says to me that the person is a really good listener, and that they value helping other people. According to the research, only about five percent of people sleep like this.”
Soldier
“If someone sleeps in the soldier position—straight on their backs with their arms at their sides—it’s a fair guess that they’re tough, disciplined, and focused. They may also have high expectations—not only for themselves, but for other people. I’ve heard people say they tend to sleep in the soldier position when they’re feeling stressed or under pressure at work, or when they’ve got a lot on their mind.”
Which sleep pose is yours? Do you feel seen and/or exposed?
14 PHOTOS
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Photographer: Cody Guilfoyle
Stylist: Leandra M. Cohen
Market: Elizabeth Tamkin
Location: The Dream Downtown
Model: Kaia at No Agency
Hair and Makeup Artist:
Sarah Fiorello
The post Here’s What Your Sleep Pose Says About You appeared first on Man Repeller.
MR Review of Books: New Recommendations from Rachel Comey, Aminatou Sow, and More
Probably as a result of my bracket-brain, I recently reviewed everything I read this year, taking note of where my all-over-the-map reading choices overlapped. I envisioned how the books might relate to each other in something like an ongoing chain of interlocking venn diagrams, my favorite being when both Saturday Night Live: The Book and Four Friends mentioned the time Jackie O. intervened with her son’s invitation to host SNL. (The disappointment of this tidbit stung even more so on the second read.)
Parachuting down the rabbit hole of end-of-year contemplation, I considered some questions about the books I’d consumed: Where do I remember reading each one? What was something I learned that I’m still chewing on? How have things changed since I closed it? Which books brought with them moments of readerly bliss? Where was I surprised to find two books meet?
The pretty perverted novel May We Be Forgiven has earned its spot as the most recent circle in my interlocking set of venn diagrams. I’ve schlepped the book both cross-country and on a crosstown bus, and read it stationed in the referee chair of a pickleball tournament. All I want for Christmas is for the book’s author, A.M. Homes, to write a sketch comedy show. Pick it up if you’re a fan of: feisty dialogue, envisioning an antagonist as actor Kyle Chandler, and people who are obsessed with Richard Nixon.
This exercise got my engines whirring in anticipation of all the reading potential that comes with a new year. A few new (to-me) books I’m excited to dig into in 2020 include: Harry Dodge’s My Meteorite, Vanity Fair’s Women on Women anthology, Nell Irvin Painter’s Old in Art School, and this book of peculiar questions asked of the New York Public Library in the age predating the search engine. I’m also excited to re-read a few former favorites: a heavily annotated copy of Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself by David Lipsky, which I read in 2011 (very curious to see what I was reacting to with my felt pens and such urgency at that age), along with Toni Morrison’s Sula, which I haven’t read since I was hooked by the novel’s language in school.
In the spirit of charting my past, present, and future reading, I asked a bunch of people I admire about their favorite books they read this year, what they can’t wait to re-read, and what’s at the top of their list for 2020 (or the upcoming holidays). Read on for recommendations from the likes of fashion designer Rachel Comey, author Kiley Reid of the forthcoming Such A Fun Age (the film/TV rights of which have already been acquired by Lena Waithe!), and the curator behind an excellent Instagram account called Simpsons Library.
Aminatou Sow, Writer and cultural commentator*
What has been your favorite book you read this year? Madeleine Miller’s Circe. All Greek myths need a feminist reworking and this one was a delight to read.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? The entire Toni Morrison body of work because she transformed the American literary canon and I cannot believe she’s gone.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? You Never Forget Your First, Alexis Coe’s feminist biography of George Washington! It’s a real flex to say you’re reading a presidential biography. [Ed. note: I cannot wait to get my hands on this one!]
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*You can pre-order Aminatou Sow’s forthcoming book Big Friendship, written with co-author Ann Friedman and slated for Spring 2020!
Rachel Comey, Designer
What has been your favorite book you read this year? Two favorites this year! The Overstory [by Richard Powers] and My Side of the Mountain [by Jean Craighead George] (which I read with my kids.) [They’re] almost related books… [grappling with] humanity, the natural world, our affect and engagement with it… truly great reading. I’m sure The Overstory is on the top of many lists this year.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? Either of the two above. Such pure joy reading My Side of the Mountain out loud to my kids. We had so much fun fantasizing about making our own moccasins, befriending wild animals, and observing weather changes by the way the animals behave.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? Guestbook by Leanne Shapton—Leanne is a great friend and brilliant thinker. I always enjoy her take on storytelling, often with a 360 delivery with visuals, sensorial, and intellectual points to view.
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Rosalind Jana, Writer
What has been your favorite book you read this year? Daphne Du Maurier’s The Parasites. I think I’d originally assumed from the title that this was another Du Maurier gothic number involving sinister caped figures/ominous big houses, but I was very, very wrong. Instead this is a fantastic look at show business, selfishness, fraught sibling dynamics, and the perils of success. Tracing the (mis)fortunes of the brilliant and tragic Delaney family, it has everything you could need in a book: precocious children brought up in a series of hotels across Europe, glamorous green dresses, sacrificial younger sisters, ill-advised affairs in Paris, bad mothers, and opening nights at the theatre with snow thick on the pavements outside. A total treat of a read.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? Mary Jean Chan’s Flèche. Published by Faber this year, I dashed through most of this beautiful collection in one go in the bath—but, as with most poetry collections, I felt like that first reading only scraped the surface. I’m excited to return to Chan’s carefully crafted reflections on desire, queer identity, and family again soon. It’s a collection that thinks deeply about a series of crucial connections: between mother and daughter, between lovers, between different languages, between one’s true, fundamental self and the difficult weight of others’ expectations.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? Sarah Moss’s next novel, titled A Day Like Today, is coming out with Picador in Autumn of next year. Having enjoyed two fantastic books by her this year (the taut, deeply unsettling Ghost Wall and Victorian-era set Bodies of Light, which is especially good on both the history of female education and the inheritance of trauma), I can’t wait to read whatever comes next.
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Carmen of Simpsons Library, Curator of @simpsonslibrary and art director
What has been your favorite book you read this year and why? A Final Companion to Books from The Simpsons by French graphic designer Olivier Lebrun. This book was a gift from last Christmas. It’s one of my favorites for obvious reasons. It is a great inspiration. I love browsing through and discovering new books that I can post on my account. Also, it’s cool to enjoy The Simpsons in a printed format.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? Bart Simpson’s Guide to Life by Matt Groening. If you were a kid in the 90s, you probably read or saw this book at some point. Or maybe [only] if you were a cool kid—my parents didn’t let me watch The Simpsons. I could only take a look when some kid brought it to school. Anyway, I still think this book has everything you need to know about. Now as an adult, I want to read this so badly—I think “What would Bart Simpson do?” at every crucial moment of my life.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? I’m looking forward to seeing what’s next in this crazy and creative internet community that exists around The Simpsons and their early and best seasons. I especially like @zinetent, a zine publisher that has an amazing Simpsons collection.
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Alex Beggs, Senior staff writer, Bon Appétit
What has been your favorite book you read this year? My favorite book this year was Out by Natsuo Kirino (it was first published in 1997, but read fresh as hell). It’s a Japanese horror/thriller about a woman who works in a factory making convenience store lunch boxes who kills her shitty husband in like, the first chapter (almost). After that, it gets WILD. Horrific. Brilliant. I don’t want to give anything away, just READ IT.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? I still can’t believe Toni Morrison died this year. I want to reread The Bluest Eye and take notes.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? I have Black Light by Kimberly King Parsons on hold at the library—shout out to the library—so it better get to me by 2020. It’s a collection of short stories that are dark, weird, and fucked up, I heard. The Amazon synopsis says the stories cover “the banality of self-loathing, the scourge of addiction, the myth of marriage” !!!! Woo hoo !!!!
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Verena von Pfetten, Co-founder of Gossamer
What has been your favorite book you read this year? The Overstory by Richard Powers. It should be required reading as far as I’m concerned. It’s a sprawling novel about trees and our relationship to them.
With The Overstory, Powers attempts the almost impossible: to make people really, truly, fundamentally and in our bones, *care* about trees. What’s absolutely wild about the book is that he succeeds. (Unsurprisingly, Powers makes this exact point within the book, and far better than I could: “To be human is to confuse a satisfying story with a meaningful one, and to mistake life for something huge with two legs. No: life is mobilized on a vastly larger scale, and the world is failing precisely because no novel can make the contest for the world seem as compelling as the struggles between a few lost people.”)
The one caveat I’ll offer: I didn’t always enjoy reading it—it’s long, it’s not perfect, and it has its occasional baggy moments—but I am so, so, so grateful I did.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? I make it a point to go back and reread my favorite children’s and YA books a few times a year. Next up on my list are From The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler [by E.L. Konigsburg], Island of the Blue Dolphins [by Scott O’Dell], and both Wise Child and Juniper, by Monica Furlong.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? I read mostly contemporary fiction, so I’m trying to be better about making sure I’ve also read the classics. Middlemarch by George Eliot—all 800-plus pages of it—is next.
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Mina Douglas, Co-founder of Bibliofeed
What has been your favorite book you read this year? Being on the precipice of a new decade always makes me turn to science fiction novels, especially with the current state of affairs. There were many books I re-read this past year, such as Orwell’s 1984 or Kurt Vonnegut’s short stories in Welcome to the Monkey House. Over the summer I finally read The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula Le Guin. It was gifted to me by the other two co-founders of Bibliofeed, Holly and Wolfgar Coleman. Known for her feminist voice in a previously male dominated genre, Le Guin creates stunning science fiction and fantasy works set in complicated worlds. I could not put The Left Hand of Darkness down, and this gift quickly became my favorite piece of literature that I read this year.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? The end of 2019 has brought on many big changes in my personal life, including a cross country move from Virginia to the Pacific Northwest. As I start a new year in the beautiful, rainy city of Seattle, I am drawn to re-reading old favorites that are as comforting as a well-worn sweater. With the move, I have been looking for a used copy of S. E. Hinton’s Rumble Fish in every secondhand bookstore that I encounter. My copy either disintegrated from too many reads or was forced upon a friend as a must-read. Hinton is best known for her coming-of-age novel, The Outsiders, and while both led me on an emotional roller coaster, Rumble Fish has firmly claimed its spot in my heart as the favorite.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? Nick Cave, the prolific Australian musician/songwriter/author, will be releasing a new book, Stranger Than Kindness, with Canongate in 2020. This illustrated autobiography will accompany an exhibit based in Amsterdam that chronicles Nick Cave’s career. According to Canongate, “Stranger Than Kindness asks what shapes our lives and makes us who we are, and celebrates the curiosity and power of the creative spirit.” As one of the co-founders of Bibliofeed, I was the first person to share my seven favorite books via the @bibliofeed Instagram—one being Nick Cave’s The Death of Bunny Munro. His music and writing resonate deeply with me, and I can’t wait to have more of an insight into his world through his new book.
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Kiley Reid, Writer
What has been your favorite book you read this year? I can’t stop thinking about F.S. Michaels’s Monoculture: How One Story Is Changing Everything. It’s a fascinating capture of how stories, particularly the story of economic drive, shape how we think, act, and live. I love when a writer can take massive economic and societal trends and whittle them down to tiny, familiar, and often frightening examples.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? I can’t wait for my next read of Special Topics In Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl. It’ll be my third read, and much like the second one, I’m sure I’ll be taken once again by the genius wordplay and hysterical abundance of cultural references, both real and fake.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? I’m definitely looking forward to Megan Angelo’s Followers. I’m drawn to any novel about obsession, fame, and how ambition works within friendships.
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Angie Venezia, Book Publicist
What has been your favorite book you read this year? I read two wildly different books about the [Irish Republican Army] back-to-back: Patrick Radden Keefe’s Say Nothing and Anna Burns’s deeply strange novel, Milkman, which conjures a truly singular, haunting voice to represent the perspective of a woman stuck in the crossfire of Irish paramilitaries. It cleared up so many questions I had about the IRA, and both were fascinating studies of the women caught up in this complex/insane conflict. It was easily my best/most memorable reading experience of the year.
Anything you can’t wait to re-read? I’m the only person I know that doesn’t like Donna Tartt’s The Secret History, and something tells me I’m on the wrong side of history on this one. It might be time to revisit.
What are you looking forward to reading in 2020? So many things: Red Comet (coming in the fall), a groundbreaking biography of Sylvia Plath that apparently reframes the way she is considered—I’ve always been obsessed with Sylvia, so I’ll take any excuse to delve back in. Also: Natasha Stagg’s latest (Sleeveless), plus more Annie Ernaux (The Years was another favorite this year).
An extra credit, burning question: What are the reading habits of someone who works in publishing? How many books do you read a week/a month/a year, when do you do it, do you have any ritual around it, are you allowed to read at the office? My reading habits vary quite a bit because I’m managing my reading for work alongside my reading “for fun.” I put that in quotations because my work reading is never a drag and usually a lot of fun. For example, I work with Samantha Irby, so earlier this year I read her forthcoming essay collection, Wow, No Thank You (coming in March)—If that’s not fun, I don’t know what is! She is the funniest writer alive.
I’m so lucky in the books I get to work on. But how can I resist the latest Eve Babitz or Sally Rooney, or some random, out-of-print novel from the 80s that Molly Young recommended in her latest newsletter? I also have My Struggle: Book 6 sitting on my shelf, and that is definitely some priority reading, but (sadly) not work-related. If I’m ever reading something extracurricular, it’s constantly being interrupted. I might be asked by an editor to read a manuscript in on submission, or I might be scrambling to finish a book I’m working on because my galleys came in late and I’m desperate to finish my press material and get them out to reviewers. A routine would be nice, but it’s actually quite ad hoc. I can’t read at the office—I’m always too busy with other aspects of my job—so I do most of my reading on my morning commute and on weekends. People in publishing rarely get to read during traditional work hours—I genuinely have no idea how we get all of that reading done. My first step is never leaving home without a book.
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Photos via Edith Young.
The post MR Review of Books: New Recommendations from Rachel Comey, Aminatou Sow, and More appeared first on Man Repeller.
Your Holiday Guide to Small Talk, According to 3 People Who Do It for a Living
When my parents betrayed our bohemian roots by moving from the heart of Greenwich Village to the Upper East Side, I encountered many peculiar characters, all in small doses. There was the queen of the co-op board, who never failed to slip me the side-eye and refused to touch the elevator buttons with her bare hands. There was the building’s super, who strutted around in a white ribbed tank top and silver chain, snaking drains and making wisecracks. But the person I remember most vividly, and with the most affection, was the night doorman.
Whether I walked into the lobby at 10 p.m., giddy from a goodnight kiss, or 1 a.m., drunk off of my parent’s (stolen) gin, Lenin would greet me with a warm welcome and polite chit-chat. He had the distinct ability to engage people past the superficial: He remembered birthdays and referred to pets by name. Although the conversations never lasted too long, they always stayed with me, lingering in my mind like a catchy refrain. He was, and still is, the unsung hero of the speedy heart-to-heart.
I’m always reminded of his talent around the holiday season, when the small-talk demands grow taller than the Rockefeller tree. How would Lenin engage with my partner’s middle-aged boss, or my friend’s old roommate from college, or my second cousin’s longterm fiancé? In order to glean his wisdom—and that of similarly professional small-talkers—I decided to catch up with him and ask. Below, learn how Lenin, Kimberely (a yoga studio receptionist), and Cora (a server) keep their chit-chat in tip-top shape. Then walk into all your seasonal gatherings with your head held high and nary a desire to spend too much time petting the host’s dog.
10 Tips for Better Small Talk, Per the Pros
1. Start the conversation with a compliment.
“If I feel like your hair looks good, I’m going to tell you just that. In my experience, it can open up a conversation—even if it’s a superficial one about products. Do you know how many hairstylist recommendations I have gotten over the past few years? Enough to start my own magazine.” —Kimberely, 27, works at a yoga studio in Tribeca
“At my old job, there was a woman who always seemed to be in a rush. I know resting bitch face is a thing, but have you ever heard of rushing bitch face? We were all kind of scared to converse with her. Then, one day, I decided to break the ice and ask how she’s doing. And she expressed how stressed she’d been. She was a mom who was always rushing home to her children because she left them with an older neighbor, just so she can still keep her membership at the studio. I told her how much I love working with children. We exchanged numbers, and weeks later, I started working with her family. We still keep in touch, and to this day, I help her out.” —Kimberely2. Be willing to veer into unexpected topics.
“The trick to making small talk is letting yourself be surprised by the conversation. Try not to have a rehearsed conversation outline in your head because it closes you off to making an actually organic connection. I think a lot of people enter these types of interactions with an idea of how it’s going to go, and that ends up limiting the conversation. If you truly just enter with an open mind, people will really surprise you (for better or for worse).” —Cora, 24, works as a server at a restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen
3. Grow accustomed to the sound of your own voice.
“If engaging in small talk doesn’t come naturally, practice with yourself. Learn to be completely comfortable hearing the sound of your own voice. In my experience, it’s not the choice of words that matters, but how you say them.” —Lenin, 40, works as a doorman on the Upper East Side
“I feel that I’m perfect for my job. Kindness and helpfulness are a part of me. I believe perceptive people can tell when someone is genuinely kind, and I was raised to be respectful and mindful of others. I am helpful but cautious, patient but with a limit, and love genuinely approachable people. There’s almost nothing I don’t like about what I do. Of course, a lot of our tenants are old, so it’s always sad to hear of the passing away of someone I interacted with for a long time. My worst day was when I saw a little five-year-old girl being carried out on a stretcher into an ambulance. She had gotten sick from a fever but thankfully was okay. My best day is easy: After almost eight years working the night shift (which I don’t regret—it gave me the opportunity to meet and talk to so many in the calmness of the late hours), I was finally placed on the day shift schedule.” —Lenin4. Ease other people’s anxiety with a warm, toothy grin.
“When entering an unfamiliar space, some people can be very withdrawn or nervous. A smile and a kind greeting have the power to immediately make someone feel welcomed and comfortable.” —Kimberely
5. Use each exchange as an opportunity to learn something new.
“I use every conversation I have with clients to enhance their experience and walk away having learned something new. For example, if a couple comes to celebrate their anniversary, I ask questions and about their origin story of how they met and fell in love.” —Cora
6. Be the Nick Carraway of small talk.
“Stay in-tune with current events, the weather, media, gossip, style, business, unfortunate tragedy, food, etc. Be highly observant of people around you, but casual. Pay attention to how they react, the sound of their voice, how they dress, what they read. Are they observant as well? How do they react toward you? Anything can slowly engage or spark small talk.” —Lenin
7. Lock eyes and actively listen.
“Own your space. Look people in the eye while they’re talking and listen. No matter how little they have to say, you never know how lending a listening ear can impact someone’s day.” —Kimberely
8. Remind yourself that this is about them.
“Don’t take anything personally. Small talk is inherently brief, so most of the time a person’s reaction is not about you. I treat everyone I meet like they are my teacher. Because they are.” —Cora
“People come to my restaurant drink, eat delicious food, dance, celebrate, and fall in love. [I like] when I really feel like I can facilitate that. I’ve learned that you got to give the people what they want. ‘Small talk’ is a big part of that. I work with such a great group of people and connect with so many customers in a night that it’s worth my while.” —Cora9. Tailor your topics to the person you’re talking to.
“You cannot talk about romance with someone who just got divorced. Don’t bring up death or loss to someone who just had a baby. And absolutely do not forget to listen! Convince yourself that anyone and everyone can be interesting and that you can be found interesting by anyone. Take pleasure in being a part of someone’s memory with a compilation of moments. Never doubt the possibility of having a great impact or influence on someone with just a few memorable words. If you allow it, it can go as far as the start of a friendship, or job opportunity.” —Lenin
10. Do yourself a favor and skip the weather.
“That’s just corny and a waste of everyone’s time.” —Kimberely
This story is part three in “How to Do Anything,” Man Repeller’s how-to service franchise that rave reviews are calling “better than Google” (just kidding—but seriously, it’s like a search engine combined with a metaphorical pal who cuts out the ancillary information to tell you exactly what you need to know, and what’s better than that?). Did you know you can also learn how to clean sneakers and finally wash your sweaters? Click away!
Photos by Meghan Marin.
The post Your Holiday Guide to Small Talk, According to 3 People Who Do It for a Living appeared first on Man Repeller.
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