David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 57

Holy Crap This Is A Dark Spam Comment

I know I just did a post using the text of a spam comment recently, but holy crap is this one dark:

Reply:This is actually tough one, I would not go to the funeral and I’d let the companion grieve in peace, if you happen to go you’ll only upset him extra.

Also, I am lazy.

As a note, this was in response to a post that was merely a reminder to myself to buy more coffee (it worked). I’m not sure what the hell they thought this kind of comment was applicable for. It sure isn’t getting any clicks.

Torn

This morning I found myself thinking both “how is is still March?” and “how can it be 2019 already?”. Strange to have something that would seem to be so mutually exclusive in my thought processes at the same time.

Upon reflection though, it seems completely normal.

Stay Tuned!!!!!

My wife is going out of town this weekend. Will I read? Will I binge watch Trailer Park Boys? Will I do both?

You’ll just have to stay tuned to see!!!!! (Unless I never mention this again, then you’ll just have to assume.)

I’m Too Tired For A Post After Deleting All The Spam Comments

I had 34 spam comments waiting in the queue this morning. After deleting them all, I’m too worn out to actually make a post. Instead, let’s just have the text from one of them:

We cannot just quit because we have extra function on our plate, so we will keep playing regularly. I think “Tomorrow’s Another Day” has played on a different show on that sta.

Not surprised that the filter caught it.

Theological Implications Of The South Park Movie I Hadn’t Previously Considered

I just thought of a theological implication I had not previously considered in the South Park movie. In the “Little Boy You’re Going To Hell” bit, the spirit of George Burns appears and says: “Hey fuckface, have you seen Gracie?”

Now, I’d always just paid attention to the fact that they decided to place George Burns in hell, though I’m sure that’s probably fair. However, the more significant implication is that the writers decided to put Gracie Allen in heaven.

Think about it…where else would she be if George hasn’t seen her and has to ask Kenny McCormick about her?

That’s also fair though, and kind of nice. If one of them would end up in hell, I’m sure it would be George. Gracie certainly deserved heaven.

I FOUND EVIDENCE OF BIGFOOT!

I FOUND EVIDENCE OF BIGFOOT!

Oh wait, that’s just Tom Selleck in an old 80s commercial. Sorry, the hair fooled me.

A Hand Full Of Stories

As I do from time to time, here’s a post of a hand full of my more recent stories you can find online:

“We’re Still Debating Whether ‘Mud’ was Really the Name  of the Doctor Versus the Monster or if it was What he Called his Sled  Since Those Tapes are Due Back to Blockbuster on Thursday” published March 10, 2019 in Potato Soup Journal.

“Transference is a Significant Psychological Problem Requiring Extensive Therapy but Most Will Simply Learn to Live with it Since Magic Lanterns are so Darn Cool” published January 10, 2019 in KLEFT JAW ISSUE #14.1 as part of the special 2 day 2 mini issue event.

“In my Younger and More Vulnerable Years my Father Used to Take me to the Strip Club and Make Me Hold Down Drunks While he Rolled Them for Empty TUMS Travel Containers and Raspberry Fruit Roll-Ups” published December 14, 2018 in Flash Fiction Friday at Bizarro Central.

“A Wink May be the Same as a Nod to a Blind Man, but that Doesn’t Mean he’s Going to Lend You his Credit Cards to Get a Bunch of New Spongebob Squarepants Tattoos Unless You’ve Got Some Pretty Serious Collateral” published December 5, 2018 in South Broadway Ghost Society.

“Syndication Washes All the Color Out of Life but it Still Beats Emptying the Dishwasher Any Day” published December 14, 2018 in Five 2 One Magazine‘s #thesideshow.

“Selling Caramel Turtles at the Concessions is Only Going to Confuse Visitors as to the Intended Use of the Reptile Ones in the Tanks” published August 27, 2018 in Idle Ink.

“In the Interests of Flame-Broiled Disclosure” published in Volume 13, no 2 of Wilderness House Literary Review.

“Sixteenth Century French Literature Still Makes Me Feel Vulnerable Even Though I’ve Almost Finished the Whole Ten Day Course of That New Antibiotic” published July 2, 2018 in KLEFT JAW ISSUE #13.

“Lee Iacocca Worked for so Many Car Companies Because he’d Keep Doing Blow and Forgetting Where he Worked” published July 15, 2018 in the first issue of flash & cinder.

“I’d Say it was Starting to Get Ridiculous if that Didn’t Imply that this Garbage had Just Started Recently” published March 24, 2018 in KLEFT JAW Spring 2018 ISSUE #12.

“Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips Sound Like a Good Idea Though Halfway Through the Bag You Inevitably End Up Questioning the Direction of Your Entire Life and Maybe Want to Die a Little” published March 20, 2018 in issue 5 of The Ginger Collect.

“The French Have Some Explaining to do Regardless Whether or not the Irish Authorize the Mortgage Refinance” published in Issue 9 (June 15) of formercactus.

A Favorite Song From The 80s

People are always talking about favorite songs, as well as songs from the 80s. Well, here’s one of my favorite songs from the 80s.

This is not the first time I’ve shared this video on here.

Probably Shouldn’t Have Approached The Krispy Kreme From Downwind

My wife and I came out of a restaurant from having dinner the other night next door to a Krispy Kreme. I briefly thought about going over for a fresh doughnut for dessert. However, we were downwind and a blast hit me right then. The smell was so think in the air, so sweet, that the craving was instantly gone. The smell was actually enough to satisfy the craving (over satisfy) instead of stimulate it.

That probably wasn’t what they were hoping for.

Really Glad We Had Dinner At Caesars That Night

You know, at first I was irritated that I had to walk from the Bellagio (where I was staying) to Caesars Palace for dinner. It’s right next door, but even right next door on the Las Vegas strip can be a long way. However, I saw Las Vegas Boulevard shut down by all those cops when I came out after dinner to walk back and eventually found out what had happened, I changed my mind.

Las Vegas shootout outside Bellagio caught on surveillance camera

I’ll walk. It’s cool.