David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 280

Celebrating My First Acceptance of 2013

Given that I had 7 short stories accepted in 2011 and 9 accepted in 2012, I was starting to feel a little pressure in 2013. As we rolled into February with no acceptances yet, that pressure was increasing.

However, I am ecstatic to now be celebrating that Thrice Fiction just accepted my story “Cents of Wonder Rhymes With Orange” for issue no. 7.

There is always something particularly magical about the first acceptance of the year, and this year I have Thrice Fiction to thank for it. I’m thrilled that they liked my story and can’t wait for people to read it. Issue no. 7 should be published on March 15. It will be available for purchase in print, or free in PDF copy from their website. You should take a look.

Now, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep up with the pace of 2011 or 2012, 7 acceptances in a single year is a lot to ask (much less 9), but this is a great start. I’m just gushing, and I’m thrilled to have my writing be appearing in Thrice Fiction.

I actually had several ideas for posts today, but this crowded all those right out. To be honest, I’m not managing to think about a whole lot else right now. This takes priority.

Who’d Have Thought There’d Be A “Back to the Future” Hoax?

You know, I had started to think there was something funny going on…but I never imagined that there was a Back to the Future hoax. Apparently some people know about this already, but a lot don’t. It all goes with this image:

I’m sure you’ve seen it. It’s all about supposedly ‘today’ being the day that Marty McFly traveled to in Back the the Future II. Often, it is in the context of demanding hoverboards.

However, there is another meme out there. One that debunks the above as a hoax. I found all that because a friend posted the image above today with today’s date. I thought back and was sure I’d seen this in the past with a previous date. Multiple times. I checked, and I was correct. People keep putting this out with different dates on it, different dates that are always ‘today’s’ date.

However, the date that Marty actually travels to in Back to the Future II is October 21, 2015 (check wikipedia if you trust them, but they are correct regardless). If you see this image with any other date, it’s a hoax. Scientists still have some time to come up with hoverboards.

I just can’t believe someone would make a hoax about this. Or, more accurately, so many people. Oh well, it’s not like this really matters anyway. I just thought it was kind of a weird thing for people to do.

“Bones Buried In The Dirt” Stays Out Of The Million Ranking For Its First Month

I just want to thank everyone who has bought a copy of Bones Buried in the Dirt so far, because for at least the first month (since it first became available on January 2) we’ve managed to stay out of the million sales ranking level or below on Amazon (it’s also available at Tattered Cover in Denver if you’re looking for a copy).

I know it’ll probably be in the million ranking level at some point, but we’ve managed to keep it up out of that for at least a month. I don’t know what the sales are exactly. I could find out, but I try not to worry about that all the time. The Amazon sales ranking is harder for me to ignore, though. I keep looking at the Amazon listing and can’t seem to stop myself. Regardless, everyone’s support has helped and has kept that ranking as high as it’s been.

For the moment, we’re actually at #407,907 in Books. It changes quite a bit. At one point we were down I think somewhere around in the #20,000 range, but for the most part we’ve hovered in the #500,000-#700,000 range. It was getting pretty close in the last couple of days, somewhere around #880,000, but yesterday it shot back up to #293,010 before dropping to #407,907 today.

Regardless, we haven’t dropped into the millions yet and I just wanted to thank everyone for their support. I certainly hope everyone is enjoying reading. Those purchases at Amazon (or at Tattered Cover in Denver) are greatly appreciated.

I Won’t Be Making Any Cracks About The Subway Footlong Fiasco

A friend of mine recently mentioned running across an article about the whole Subway footlong fiasco and asked me when I’d be blogging about it. I just wanted to go on record as saying that I will not be exploiting this particular topic because the jokes are just too easy. They’ve been done and there’s nothing for me to work with.

For those that don’t know, here is an article. I don’t know whether or not this is the article she saw (there are many), but I figure it give you the gist. Surprise, surprise, Subway footlongs may not be exactly 12 inches. Some guy actually sued because his footlong was less than 11 inches (yeah, he actually sued).

But, getting back to the point, there just aren’t any more jokes to make (most of them are pretty simple and crude anyway). I won’t be saying anything like:

- No one is ever telling the truth when they say it’s twelve inches. Why should Subway be any different?

- Give Subway a break! It’s cold!

- Who cares if the footlongs are only 11 inches? Don’t you realize this means that the six inchers are only 5 and 1/2 inches? Man, get your priorities straight. This is the real shocker!

- Footlongs not being actually a foot long? What’s next? A Starbucks grande not being grand ? (I know, it means large even if it doesn’t.) Where will it end?

- I really think it is more of a reflection on the customer if the sandwich doesn’t reach a full twelve inches.

See? It’s all been done and it’s all too easy. I’ll be concentrating on other topics instead. Hope everyone can live with that.

Even Though It Wasn’t That Funny Kevin Nealon’s Mr. Subliminal Skit Was Still One Of My SNL Skits (Buy My Book At Amazon Or Tattered Cover In Denver)

You know, I never did think that Kevin Nealon’s Mr. Subliminal skit, or the subliminal message man, (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver) was all that funny. It was a chuckle, but not a laugh out loud kind of skit. Still, for some reason (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver), it’s still always been one of my favorite SNL sketches from that era.

Saturday Night Live _ Mr. Subliminal by hulu

I really don’t know why the skit stuck in my mind so much (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver). It’s a quick gimmick based on a misunderstanding of subliminal messages that’s exploited across multiple different similar skits (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver). It isn’t that clever or amusing (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver). Still, I love the skit (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver).

I guess I don’t have to understand it (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver). I just have always liked the skit (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver). One of the funniest or not (Buy my book at Amazon or at Tattered Cover in Denver), it was certainly memorable.

Why Do People Not Clean Up Their Drugs Before Calling The Cops To Report A Robbery?

I have to ask, why do people keep calling the cops to report a robbery (or other things) while they obviously have drugs in the house and haven’t cleaned them up yet? This (see the article I’m talking about) is not the first time it has happened. People keep doing this and it bugs the crap out of me.

I mean, I realize that anyone involved in this kind of situation is probably on drugs. As such, perhaps they aren’t thinking as clearly as they might otherwise be. Still, this just seems like such a no-brainer that even people with impaired brain states should get it by instinct.

To use this article as an example, these guys in Lincoln, Nebraska called the cops to report that armed men forced their way in and stole two hookahs. Hmmm…doesn’t that already sound like it might make cops a bit suspicious?

I guess these guys didn’t think so, because they made the report and didn’t really prepare the house for the cops to arrive. When the cops arrived to follow-up on the call, there was marijuana and paraphernalia in plain view.

Really? Does it stagger anyone else that people would expect the cops to come over and not even put that away?

Moreover, along with seeing pot and pot stuff in plain view when following up on a ‘stolen hookah’ call, the cops could also see “several bottles of fertilizer” and “light shining from under a door barred with a padlock and a power cord snaking into the room.”

Really? How stupid are these guys? They call the cops about stolen hookahs, leave pot and pot stuff in plain view, and don’t do anything to HIDE THE MARIJUANA GROWING OPERATION THEY ARE RUNNING!!!! Really? Really? Who does that? Who honestly does that kind of thing? This particular crime doesn’t really worry me so much, but I kind of want these guys locked up to prevent them from doing even dumber things (perhaps with an automobile or other dangerous item) that could cause some serious harm to the general populace. I’m guessing that they are capable of it.

Marijuana legalization is a big debate these days, and without getting involved in that I can at least say that these guys aren’t doing that cause a good service. This kind of happening might make people think that pot really does serious harm to the brain after all.

I Really Have To Wonder What Is Up With Facebook’s Sponsored Ads

I really have to wonder what is up with Facebook’s sponsored ads. I say this because I noticed one of the sponsored ads Facebook was presenting me was for my own book, Bones Buried in the Dirt. I can tell you for sure, neither me nor my publisher (River Otter Press) paid Facebook to sponsor that ad.

It was weird to see. It was actually a post from my mother sharing the Amazon link for the book and commenting how she’d just gotten the signed copy I’d sent her (along with a witty quip that it helps to know the author). I am pretty sure that my mother didn’t pay Facebook to sponsor the ad either.

So, how did this become a sponsored Facebook ad? I’m not really complaining; I’ll take the exposure for the book that I can get. I just wonder, does Facebook not have enough real sponsored ads to run so they just grab stuff to fill things up? Did someone who doesn’t even know me pay to sponsor this at random?

Of course, it’s far more likely that this got snatched up for a sponsored ad because it included an Amazon link. I’m guessing Amazon pays enough that Facebook randomly grabs posts with Amazon links and uses them as sponsored ads. It’s about the only reasonable explanation I can think of. The whole thing just surprised me a bit.

“Bones Buried in the Dirt” Is Now Available At Tattered Cover In Denver

I just wanted to share with everybody that Bones Buried in the Dirt is now available at Tattered Cover in Denver. Take a look, I caught a shot of my book in the wild:

I’m right between Nick Arvin and Margaret Atwood. I know that’s just because of the alphabet, but I couldn’t ask for better company. I’m honored that my book gets to sit between theirs.

This pic is from the Lodo Tattered Cover location. I’m told that they also have copies out at the Colfax and Highlands Ranch stores. I don’t know whether or not it’ll be available through their web site at any point, but I’ll find out. For the moment, it’s at least in the store (and not because I just snuck copies on the shelf). That alone is a major achievement for me.

Why My Homeowner’s Insurance Should Cover Getting A Manservant

I firmly believe that my homeowner’s insurance should cover the cost of me getting a manservant. They appear to disagree with this. However, if they’d just stop to consider the issue a moment, I’m sure they’d agree it’s a good idea.

After all, the health insurance industry has known for years that it is far cheaper to provide coverage for preventative care than to be on the hook for conditions that could have been easily prevented. Annual physicals are much cheaper than having to correct conditions that worsen and become more costly as diagnosis is delayed.

Why can’t the home insurance industry learn from this? Obviously, me having a manservant is akin to preventative care.

I mean, I’m only half awake when I get up in the morning for work. I have to get coffee, get in the shower, get dressed, and all that. Do you know how many chances for accidents there are in all that while I’m half asleep? Can I count how many times I’ve found my empty coffee cup in the fridge instead of waiting on the counter? I could have a massive shaving accident. I could fall down the stairs. I could accidentally do a hundred different things that could result in a giant claim for my homeowner’s insurance. But, a manservant could change all that.

After all, my manservant would bring me my coffee. He would shave me. He would monitor my movements until I was sufficiently awake so that I did not brush my teeth with hand soap or some such thing. He would protect me…and I would call him Basil (pronounced Bah-Zhil, naming him Jeeves would just be asking for trouble).

However, my homeowner’s insurance has yet to be convinced. I’ll keep trying, but to be honest mornings take so much out of me I’m not sure I have much energy left to convince them.

Someone Actually Wanted To Create A Legal Exception For Irish Farmers To Drive Drunk

I’m still a bit floored by this article I just came across. Someone was actually trying to create an exception to drunk driving laws for farmers. To my gratification, and as you might reasonably expect, this attempt was quickly squashed.

Now, I can understand some of the things that caused council people in Kerry, Ireland to attempt such a thing. Ireland’s crackdown on drunk driving has driven down pub revenues. This is true. It is also true that the roads driven by the particular farmers who would be covered by the exception were sparsely trafficked (though narrow). Further, this was not to be a blanket license to drive drunk, but merely an allowance for them to drive under 30 MPH under a certain minor intoxication level (a couple of beers and no more).

However, I still wouldn’t have gone for this myself. As much as I can understand their motivations, it still seems too dangerous to me. Drunk driving is drunk driving. It just isn’t safe. Period.

Does this change how things have always been done? Sure. Can it kill pub revenues and make Irish farmers drink at home? Sure. But, even as low trafficked as the roads in their area are, I still can’t see it being safe to let them drive drunk. Other people can’t drive drunk because it’s unsafe. It just isn’t really much safer, even granting open roads and slower speeds, for the farmers.

Regardless, my opinion doesn’t really matter much on this. The Irish government wasn’t having it anyway. I just thought this was an odd thing for someone to try to get passed. Next I’ll hear that they’re trying to get farmers permission to fly small planes while sniffing glue.