David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 284

I Still Haven’t Watched Any Of “The Lord Of The Rings” Movies

I have a confession to make: I have never watched any of The Lord of the Rings movies. I’ll pause to let that sink in.

Yup, I’ve never watched any of them. Not a one. I’ve read all the books. I’m even a big fan. I first started reading them back in third or fourth grade (I can’t remember entirely). Still, I never saw any of the movies.

Why? Well, I’m not sure. At first, I was just being loyal to the books. I loved the books and didn’t want to see what they would do to them in the movies. However, that really didn’t hold up when all the reports came in that the movies are good. I don’t know of any purists (though there may be some) who insist that the movies should not be watched. Still, I didn’t watch them.

At some point, I just may not have been willing to devote the time. What are the movies? Eighty hours total? Ninety if you get the extra footage on the DVD special editions? And now The Hobbit is going to be three more movies? Who has that kind of time? It just keeps stacking up, making it even less likely that I’ll ever start watching the movies.

Really, I’ve already spent a lot of time reading the books. If I wanted to devote that much time again, I’d probably reread the books. I just haven’t really felt like watching the movies enough to devote that kind of time.

I Honestly Don’t Care What Taylor Swift Writes Songs About

I’ve been hearing a lot recently about how Taylor Swift keeps writing songs about breakups. I’ve seen a lot of these in the Onion, but other places as well. Apparently, she writes a lot of songs about breakups. This has led to lots of jokes about who she dates, her supposedly excited she is about eventually writing a breakup song about a guy she is dating, and whatnot. I just want to make one thing perfectly clear: I don’t care.

Really. Taylor Swift has the right to write songs about whatever she wants. I’m not going to listen to them, but I wasn’t going to anyway. I’m just not big into her stuff, regardless whether or not every song is about breakups.

Frankly, I’m wondering if many of the people who are giving Taylor Swift crap are people who would listen to her songs even if she wrote about other topics. Somehow, I think not.

So, give the woman a break. Whatever she’s doing, it’s obviously working for her fans. Maybe they like breakup songs so they can imagine that maybe she’ll eventually go through enough guys that she’ll get to them. Heck, I don’t know. I’ve never really listened to her and I’m not sure what her target market is.

One thing I’m sure of, her songs are apparently selling well enough regardless what anyone says. I doubt she cares too much about any of this.

Let’s Just Admit Defeat: 365 Shopping Days Until Christmas

People complain year after year how the Christmas stuff goes up in stores earlier and earlier every year. Yet, the stores must have a reason for doing it. Stores don’t put stuff out for sale if it doesn’t get bought. Let’s just admit defeat and handle it the only way we know how.

That’s right, it’s now 365 shopping days until Christmas!!!!!!

After all, the only way to stop Christmas stuff from going out earlier every year is if it never comes down. Worried about black Friday sales getting earlier? It can’t happen if it goes on the day of Christmas the year before. I’m telling you, this is the only strategy that works.

Sure, some people have advocated boycotts. No buying Christmas stuff until after thanksgiving is over they say. However, we’ve seen how well that works. No, a never-ending Christmas shopping season is the only way to go.

Of course, not everyone celebrates Christmas. I understand this. However, surely even they would like to stop hearing about how this gets earlier every year. I’m sure everyone can acknowledge the genius of this suggestion.

Still, some people may not agree and may get quite mad at my suggestion. Those people need to remember that I have no power over this and no one listens to me anyway.

Let’s Change “Salt Caramel” to “Caramel Salt”

I would like to personally advocate that we officially change the name of “salt caramel” to “caramel salt.” I realize many people may think this is entirely frivolous issue and I shouldn’t be wasting everyone’s time. However, I would like my opportunity to convince.

Personally, I think anyone who doesn’t agree on this hasn’t had a bad experience with salt caramel. This has become a big flavor recently, and it can be quite good when done correctly.

However, I’ve run across it when it isn’t done correctly.

It seems like there should be a balance between the “salt” and the “caramel” portions. However, at least one ice cream store I frequented seems to think that the salt should vastly outweigh the caramel. This is wrong. If I can’t taste the caramel because my mouth is puckering from all the salt, you have too much salt in your “salt caramel.”

Obviously, the name must be confusing some people. Sure, a bit of salt flavor with the caramel can be good, but we have to face the fact that the real taste we’re coming in for is the caramel. If the salt overpowers the caramel, it doesn’t work. Just because “salt” is first in the name doesn’t mean that the “salt” needs to utterly dominate.

Still, since this is apparently confusing some food vendors, why not switch? Why not call it “caramel salt?” This way, you still get the caramel with the salty flavor, but no one seems to think it needs to taste like a bag of de-icer.

This is just my take on the matter. Others may disagree, but I’m staying away from caramel/salt combinations until ya’ll get this straightened out. Americans get too much salt anyway. I’ll just stick with the caramel.

Does Anyone Know Why Street Signs Are So Low In Denver?

I’ve heard it said that people moving into an area provide an important perspective because they notice things that people native to an area don’t even think to notice. That being said, I’d like to know what the street signs in Denver are mounted so low.

I’m serious about this. The street sign on my corner is somewhere around 6 or 6 and 1/2 feet up the pole. I’m used to seeing street signs mounted much higher and wonder why this is, particularly since the buses that come around that corner keep hitting it. One would think it would get placed higher.

Admittedly, the height I’m used to seeing street signs at wouldn’t help the buses much. I thought such signs were usually hung at about 8-9 feet. I’m not sure where this standard came from, but it is what I was used to seeing before I moved here. Perhaps that is the lowest height that keeps most people from stealing them.

Regardless, it isn’t the height they hang them in Denver. At first I thought it was just a weird corner here because the last pole got taken out by a bus entirely and they just threw the street sign up wherever they felt like, assuming the pole would get hit by a bus again. However, I’ve driven about a lot in the near downtown area, and this reachable from the ground height seems pretty standard. Not at major intersections, mind you, where the only framework to hang signs from is way up high, but certainly at most normal street corners I’ve noticed.

Why is this? Are the sign hangers in Denver short? Do they not possess decent ladders? Does no one steal street signs here (as opposed to Omaha where there is not perhaps as much to do) and so they don’t need to be hung as high?

Frankly, I have no idea. I just noticed this phenomenon and it’s been bugging the crap out of me. Any ideas?

I’m Not Going To Rate My Own Book

I’ve made a decision. I won’t be rating my own book.

As background for those who don’t know, my novel in story form, Bones Buried in the Dirt, will be published by River Otter Press on January 1, 2013. Here is the Goodreads site for it as well. However, no matter how much I want to get the ratings going on Goodreads and amazon and such, I won’t be rating it myself.

Frankly, I’ve heard both ways on this. I’ve known plenty of people who rated their own books and think they have every right to. They read it, right? They must have really liked it or they wouldn’t have written it, right? At the same time, I can see that a lot of people get really mad about this. I can see their point as well. I can see both sides, and that left me the question of what to do.

Really, I usually can only do one thing when I think both sides of an issue have equally valid points: nothing. I won’t rate my own book, but I won’t think anything bad about any author that does. I’ll work to get word about my book out there where people can hear about it…but I won’t rate it. Not on Goodreads, amazon, or anything like that. My book will stand or fall based on what other people think, not me. My ratings will be preserved for the works of other authors.

Now, people on both sides of this issue might still get mad at me. Some people might even think I’m spending a lot of time worrying about an issue they consider relatively insignificant. However, it’s an issue that concerns me and was one I thought about. Whatever people think, this is what I’m going with.

A Call For A Public Bathroom At Denver’s Downing Street Station

I would like to put out a call for a public bathroom at the Downing Street Station in Denver. RTD, please listen. There really needs to be a bathroom there. Please listen to the public and do something.

Currently, there is a bathroom at the Downing Street Station. However, it is a single person unit that is locked and is only usable by bus and light rail drivers. Though I recognize that these drivers need to use the bathroom, I think other people need to be able to as well. I realize that such could be expensive, but I think it would be worth it.

Personally, I’ve never needed to use the bathroom at the Downing Street Station. I would either use one before I got there or after I got where I am going. However, obviously I am not everyone. I say this because I have evidence other people needed one when at the station.

For example, there is the gentleman I saw urinating on a dumpster in an alley a block away from the station. Actually, I think there has been more than one that I’ve seen, let alone those seen by my neighbors. There was also the guy who urinated on my fence…and the bush in front of my neighbor’s house…and the girl’s my neighbor saw just using the middle of the alley. Having a light rail station close by can be handy, but there are apparently some drawbacks.

Clearly, given all that I and my neighbors have seen, there needs to be a bathroom at that station. I doubt the police could stop all the public urination, and it just doesn’t rain often enough here. The only solution I can see is a nearby public restroom.

RTD, please give this a thought.

To Celebrate The Apocalpyse: The Most Likely Played Video For Today!

And now, an extra special extra blog post for today to celebrate the apocalypse: what is most likely going to be the most viewed video today:

Retro Product Idea: Acoustic Modem Shaped Wireless Network Adapter

I had an idea for a new retro product. These seem to be the rage right now so perhaps I might want to cash in.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. You’ve all seen the moshi moshi handset:

Think about this thing. It takes all the convenience of your cell phone, and makes you talk through a headset that looks like the receiver of an old phone. Obviously, the only appeal is retro. It has no technical advantage.

So, my idea? Let’s make wireless network adapters that are shaped like acoustic modems. Here’s a photo for those of you not old enough to remember:

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These old things were for back in the days before your computer plugged right into the wall. You plugged this thing into your computer and dropped a phone receiver on top. Then you could call another computer (no WWW in those days).

Wouldn’t that make a great retro product? It’s about as retro as it gets with this tech, and it’d be totally idiotic to make a wireless network adapter like this. I’m not even sure that most of the population would recognize what it was. All that sounds like a total win in the retro product model.

Now I just have to wait for the offers to roll in…

The Next Big Thing: Bones Buried In The Dirt

Peter Tieryas Liu, author of the insanely great Watering Heaven, graciously tagged me to participate in this networked blog interview thing called “The Next Big Thing.”  Apparently, I’m supposed to answer some questions and then tag some talented writers to carry this forward.

Anyway, here we go:

1) What is the working title of your next book?

Bones Buried in the Dirt. (Goodreads page here)

Bones Buried in the Dirt

2) Where did the idea come from for the book?

This actually sprang out of a story I’d written a while back. It’s part of this book, but it changed a great deal by the time the rest of the book was written.

3) What genre does your book fall under?

Novel in story form. Probably also child narrator, general literature, Bildungsroman, coming of age story, and a few other things.

4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?

Well, most of the characters are children. I’m afraid I don’t know who any child actors are right now. I can say for sure none of them would be Honey Boo Boo, other than possibly Courtney.

5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Through stories focused on the moments in childhood that get buried in the mind but are never fully absorbed, a sonar picture is formed of the person a boy named Peter will become.

6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I’m not sure I entirely understand. My book will be published by River Otter Press (immense thanks again to River Otter Press), but I don’t have an agent.

7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

Depends how you start counting. It took two years for the base first draft, but that’s not considering the original story that I’d written about ten years beforehand.

8) What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I’d love to be able to compare it to The House on Mango Street, Music of the Swamp, Catcher in the Rye, and Blu’s Hanging…so I will. Ha! No one can stop me!

9) Who or what inspired you to write this book?

I always thought about those kind of moments in childhood that are somewhat scarring if not necessarily even being that traumatic. I always remember one Christmas when a family friend gave me a toy that I’d wanted, but it was the cheapo version and wasn’t as good. I slipped and said that before I realized what I was doing. The family friend laughed, but my family was horrified. Ever since then, my brain replays that to me when a situation arises where I need to demonstrate gratitude. It’s like my brain is going: Hey, remember that time you are an *#&hole? Remember that? Stupid brain. Anyway, I was thinking how those kind of things get lodged in the brain and never go away. Instead, identity is kind of built on them. That’s what got me started on this book.

10) What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

Though this book is written through a child’s perspective, this book was never intended for children. I’d be thrilled if kids read it and liked it, but the themes are definitely adult.

Oh yeah, I’m also supposed to tag some extremely impressive writers to keep this going. We’ll see how this goes because not everybody got back to me that they were willing to participate. Anyway, lets just tag them and see what happens. So now, in no particular order:

A.E. Stueve

B.H. James

Ken Brosky

Amye Archer

Edward J. Rathke