David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 227

Carlos Slim Might Be Seeing A Different World Than I Am

Apparently, Carlos Slim (the world’s second richest man) recently advocated moving to a 3-day workweek in order to improve quality of life. I wouldn’t argue with that, but apparently he indicated that the price of that would be to delay retirement. That indicated to me that Carlos Slim sees a very different world than I do.

For one thing, most people I know don’t expect to be able to retire. Maybe retirement is more possible where Carlos Slim is, but most of my friends anticipate trying to retire and never really being able to. There won’t be enough money, Social Security won’t be available, whatever. Most of the people I’ve talked to would like to retire, but currently imagine that they’ll pass on before being able to.

As such, where can we really defer retirement to in order to have a shorter workweek?

If we already expect it is likely that we will be unable to retire before we die, it seems like we’d have to continue working after death. Perhaps branch offices of our jobs will be set up in heaven, presuming we’re luck and don’t have to get new jobs in order to pay back this reduced work we had to perform in our lives.

Of course, it’s all probably academic anyway. The likelihood we’ll ever just have to work three days a week is probably about as likely as ever being able to retire.

I Love Older Books That Do Wildly Improbably Things With Fantastic Creatures

I love books that are old enough that they try to include a creature that is fantastic to them and end up doing something wildly improbably with it in view of modern thought. I run across things like this from time to time, and just ran across it again in Jules Verne’s The Mysterious Island.

The bit in specific that I’m referring to is a portion where the dog belonging to the main characters is attacked by a dugong. The dugong grabs the dog and pulls it under the water. A huge struggle underwater ensues. The dog is only saved by some mysterious hand that tosses the dog from the water and kills the dugong.

Not a big deal, right?

Well, this is a dugong:

That’s right. It’s a close relative of the manatee. The sea cow. GENTLE HERBIVORE! This thing was NOT likely to be attacking and violently struggling with anything. Well, maybe some seagrasses.

WATCH OUT FOR THE MANATEE!!!!!

But, Verne likely had no way of knowing that in 1874. He wanted to use a fantastic creature and did the best he could. I know that. I can’t really fault Verne for not knowing how odd this would be for a dugong to be inclined and able to do, but it does seem really silly to read that scene modernly.

Russian Scientists Ignore Gopher

Russian scientists suspect climate change was the cause behind a 66-yard crater that appeared in northern Siberia (see also this article for other information):

There was no apparent evidence of an explosion, so the scientists do not think that a meteorite cause the crater. Of course, they completely ignored the 66-yard wide, 140-yard long gopher that was sitting a little ways away chewing on some grass:

I Have A Feeling A Court Isn’t Going To Be Sympathetic To Manuel Noriega

Get this, Manuel Noriega is actually suing Activision over a character modelled on him in the ‘Call of Duty’ game. I’m not sure whether or not Noriega has some kind of likeness rights that a US court would recognize here that Activision violated, but I’m not feeling good about Noriega‘s chances. After all, Noriega hasn’t exactly had good luck with courts.

Think about it, Noriega was convicted by a US court on charges of drug trafficking, racketeering, and money laundering. He was sentenced to 40 years, which was later reduced to 30, and then again to 17. After his release, he was eventually extradited to France where he was convicted by the 11th chamber of the Tribunal Correctionnel de Paris and sentenced to seven years in jail. Before serving that time, he was extradited to Panama where he began serving the 20 years he’d been convicted of during his absence for crimes such as murder committed during his rule.

Bottom line: Noriega does not do well in court.

I’m not sure what Noriega expects to happen here, but I’m not thinking it’s going to go well for him. Even if he has some kind of right here that Activision has violated, I’m just thinking that a court might just want to stick it to Noriega anyway.

What If The Mutineer Is Only A Joke?

I just had a thought: what if Hunter Thompson’s The Mutineer was nothing but a joke Thompson set up to be played after his death?

The Mutineer, of course, was supposed to be the third and final volume of Thompson’s correspondence. The first two were: The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967 (The Fear and Loathing Letters, Vol. 1) and Fear and Loathing in America : The Brutal Odyssey of an Outlaw Journalist.

However, The Mutineer was originally scheduled for release in 2005. Then it was rescheduled. Then a new date was announced, and pushed again. It kept happening, as I’m sure you probably remember complaining about before.

Many people complained. Just check out the comments on the amazon page (The Mutineer), but you can also look many places online to see people rant about this. After all, it is 2014 now (nine years later) and still no book. Further, Thompson died a little before the book’s original scheduled release date in 2005. It’s not like he’s out there writing more letters they need for the book. People have blamed the publisher. People have blamed Anita. People have blamed individuals who might have correspondence included threatening to sue. However, we’ve all looked one possibility.

Thompson might be messing with all of us.

Yes, I know he’s dead. However, he loved messing with people. A lot. He always said he had three books worth of letters to publish…but maybe he only had two. Perhaps he kept telling people there were three, published two, and set up deals with publishers that they had to agree to play a prank after his death in order to have rights to what he did have complete.

Perhaps Thompson made the publisher agree to pretend The Mutineer existed. Perhaps he made them agree to keep scheduling publication and then rescinding. Perhaps he wanted to drive all his fans nuts and have them ranting about this everywhere. Perhaps there is no book at all and this is a gigantic, posthumous joke.

Hey, it’s a possibility.

A New Acronym To Make People Stop Using “YOLO”

Let’s face it, many of us are annoyed by the term “YOLO” (you only live once). Some people like it apparently, and I guess they should really be free to use the term if they want, but many of us would rather they didn’t. Perhaps we’d prefer they use “Carpe Diem” instead. Regardless, we’d like “YOLO” to stop.

As such, I have a proposal.

Whenever eating bacon, be sure to type or say “POLO.” This will be an acronym for “pigs only live once,” evidencing our regret that the same pig cannot become bacon over and over again for us. Perhaps we might even extend this to the consumption of any tasty pork comestible. I’m not sure how far we’ll want to take this yet.

Regardless, the hope is that common use of “POLO” will make people stop wanting to use the term “YOLO.” With any luck, they won’t be able to think of “YOLO” without also thinking of “POLO.” As such, perhaps “YOLO” won’t be seem so inanely glamorous to them anymore and the term will die out.

Those of us who are annoyed by use of “YOLO” can only hope.

Tracy Morgan Wal-Mart Suit Demands Comic Be Able To Heckle In Commercials

Few were shocked when Tracy Morgan filed suit against Wal-Mart over the deadly accident caused by a truck driver for Wal-Mart that severely injured Morgan. However, the demand as part of the suit that Tracy Morgan be able to star in all future Wal-Mart commercials and heckle came as a bit of a surprise.

Most thought Tracy Morgan would seek compensation for his injuries, possibly even seeking punitive remedies to punish Wal-Mart for alleged negligence in managing truck drivers. Few though thought that Morgan would seek to be present in all future Wal-Mart commercials to make fun of the company.

It is believed an example commercial might go something like this:

[Disembodied voice reading over a camera shot of a Wal-Mart store positioned in an amber grain field, the stalks blowing slightly in the wind while The Star-Spangled Banner plays] Wal-Mart…save money, live better.

Tracy Morgan [popping into the screen from the right]: More like “Save money, run some innocent people over with some damn trucks!

It is uncertain at this time how Wal-Mart or the court will respond to Morgan’s demand. If such a remedy is awarded, surely it would only be for a limited number of commercials as opposed to the “all future” currently recited in the complaint. Sources indicate that the commercials would at least be more interesting than previous ones.

We Need To Know More Than It Is Used In Yoga Mats

I’ve heard a lot recently regarding people freaking out on Subway for including a chemical (Azodicarbonamide) in their bread because this chemical is also used in making yoga mats. People seemed to think the fact that Azodicarbonamide was also used in making yoga mats was all they needed to know and demanded it be removed. I can understand somewhat, since yoga mats are generally not edible or at least considered food, but it seemed like that should only be the start of the inquiry.

After all, though yoga mats themselves aren’t food, the mere fact that something goes into a yoga mat does not immediately make that something unfit to be included in food. It raises concerns for me and I think we should then look at what the something is and whether or not we should be eating it, but the mere fact that it is included in yoga mats isn’t enough entirely on its own.

What if it is a perfectly edible something that just happens to be used in making yoga mats? Is this guilt by association?

I was only speculating about this, but someone apparently found yoga mats that included soy. Soy is clearly food. Are we going to stop eating soy simply because it is used to make yoga mats? The rational above would seem to suggest that.

Now, I’m not saying that we should be eating Azodicarbonamide or that it is safe to do so. I don’t know enough to be certain one way or the other. However, I just think that the fact it is used in making yoga mats isn’t immediately dispositive. The fact that it is used in making something that isn’t edible should just trigger us to investigate.

Of course, I’m sure the people actually starting the outcry didn’t stop there. I’m sure this is just the little fact they distributed to the masses to get ire going, assuming that most people wouldn’t sit still for the big explanation for why Azodicarbonamide shouldn’t be in bread. Still, don’t hate something just because someone makes a mat out of it.

Logical Extension Of The ICP Decision

Well, Insane Clown Posse fans are apparently still legally classified by the FBI as a criminal gang. Instead of talking about how ridiculous this seems to me, I thought we should think about the obvious implications of maintaining such a classification for these circumstances:

- Members of the Kiss Army should be potentially classified as enemy combatants

- The Chuck Palahniuk fan club (“The Cult”) needs to stock up on some Kool-Aid.

- Some Arabian tribe is going to have to start obeying the commands of The Iron Sheik.

- Colonel Sanders should be posthumously promoted to General.

- The Presidents of the United States of America will have to retire because they’re served more than their constitutional two terms.

Does this seem stupid yet?

Does Karl Ove Knausgård Resemble Gary Oldman Or Is It Just Me?

So, does Karl Ove Knausgård (author of the currently much talked about 6 book autobiographical novel series My Struggle):

resemble Gary Oldman:

or am I just crazy here?